Second Chances
by sasha2010
Summary: Heartbroken Severus lived in self imposed emotional isolation for years, so enveloped in misery that he fails to see the opportunity in front of him. If he can open his eyes to a second chance, he will still have to fight against all odds to live again.
1. Prologue

_**SECOND CHANCES**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters or anything associated with Harry Potter. This is not for profit, just for fun. The plot line is mine but of course merely a humble subplot to JK Rowling's wonderful work**__._

By all logic, Sasha should have been having a marvelous time at the Yule Ball. She was in her forth year and lucky enough to be on the arm of Igor Karkaroff a visiting student. Igor was tall, good-looking, popular with the girls and for some reason, really into her. He however was not her first choice. Severus Snape would always be her first choice. Since the night they were sorted she'd had a very painful crush on her lanky classmate. She accepted the date with Igor only after she found out that Severus was taking her friend Lily Evans to the ball. He barely noticed Sasha. It was always Lily this and Lily that.

When Lily accepted his invitation, he was ecstatic. Sadly his joy was short lived and she dumped him a week before the ball. Tonight Lily was here with James Potter having the time of her life. Sasha looked for him but Severus was nowhere to be seen. Her mind wasn't on the dance, much less the dashing Mr. Karkaroff. All she could think of was Severus. He obviously loved Lily. Sasha could see it. He must be crushed. Better that he wasn't here to see them together.

Igor and his cronies sneaked several shots of some vile liquor before the dancing started. When he pulled Sasha onto the dance floor he was quite intoxicated and all hands and lips. When Sasha accepted his invitation, she vowed to focus on him for the evening and try to forget Severus. Igor was after all charismatic, fun and a bit of a rebel like Sasha. She also loved his Russian accent. It made him seem exotic. But at the moment, she just wanted to get the hell away from him. He kept touching her where he shouldn't and pulling her body too close against his own. When they were standing with some of his classmates, she deftly planted the seeds of an argument about quidditch and sneaked away from him once he got involved in the debate. .

She escaped via the little known back staircase that led to the balcony off the great hall. From the proper angle there she could look down on the ball and get a break from Igor. When she reached the balcony she saw a tall dark figure that apparently had the same idea. "Oh I'm sorry I didn't know there was anyone here. Sev is that you?" It was Severus, and he looked beautiful. She heard him sniff and saw him rub one eye. "Leave me alone Sasha." He said with a crack in his voice.

Severus Snape was a very proud young man and not fond of expressing his emotions. If she acknowledged what she was seeing, he would certainly shut her out so she tried to sound nonchalant. "Oh relax Sev." She shrugged and turned away from him. "I'll leave you alone soon enough. I just need 15 minutes away from Igor."

"Hmmm. He appears to be all hands tonight." Severus observed, relieved for the subject to be something other than what he was doing there.

'Yes! Did you see him? It's absurd. How long have you been up here anyway?"

"All night."

She didn't ask why. She knew why. "You know I've always dreamed of this Ball. I thought we would do that beautiful opening dance and I would be here with someone I loved." She watched Igor, who was drunk enough that his gestures were more flamboyant than usual. "We didn't even make it to the first dance. All that practice for nothing."

"You missed the first dance?"

"Igor was still drinking cognac in the hall with his buddies." She shrugged. "Isn't that charming? What a guy."

"And he wasn't your first choice?"

"No. Please." She replied dismissively.

"Who was your first choice?"

She met his eyes and scanned them for something. She wasn't sure what. He knew nothing. Her smile was smug as she answered him. "I don't think I'm going to tell you that."

"No?"

"No way." She shook her head furiously and giggled.

"Sirus?" he questioned her.

"Oh yeah right. That's really gross."

"James?"

"No way." She grimaced while shaking her head. "I'm not telling. You would laugh at me."

"I wouldn't do that Sasha. Things like that aren't funny." He stared back down at the crowd.

"That's nice to say, but I'm still not telling. He's so far out of my league it's ridiculous."

"Out of Sasha Malfoy's league? He must be a force to be reckoned with."

"He is." She smiled. It was sweet how clueless he was. A rare moment for him as he always seemed to have all the answers.

The formal band started the last waltz before the rock band was to take the stage. He held out his hand and said, "I'm afraid I'm a poor substitute for this force of a man you have hopes for, but may I have this dance?"

She smiled politely at him and tried to look like this was really no big deal. But it was. To her, it was a very big deal. "You may." She took his hand and he gracefully led her to an open section of the balcony and began an elegant waltz. Obviously he had been practicing to impress Lily. When the dance ended he was holding her closely, too close for two people who were supposed to be just friends. So close that she knew he was imagining that she was Lily and she blushed when she looked in his eyes. He took two steps back looking stricken with some unknown pain.

"Thank you Severus. That was lovely." He nodded, turned and left. She found the nearest chair under a dust cover and sat down feeling hopeless. When she was sure he was a safe distance away, the tears began streaming down her cheeks. Normally she was not a girl who cried but tonight was so miserable, she had to let some emotion out. After a few moments she looked down at the crowd and saw Igor looking for her. She took several deep breaths and used the inside hem of her skirt to wipe her eyes. Then she composed herself and dutifully returned to her date.


	2. Chapter 1

The world cup experience was just like those Sasha remembered from childhood. Hundreds of wizards and witches were out enjoying the cool evening air cheering on the Irish and Bulgarian teams. The sights, sounds and smells called to memory many happy times with her family before she ran so far away from them all. Now however it seemed that everything was welcoming her home, the crispness of the air and even the smell of the grass on rolling English hills were perfectly in line for this homecoming.

"Good evening Minister!" Ugh, the sound of her brother Lucius was not part of the perfection. Sasha Malfoy would be stuck with her brother for another day until she headed to Hogwarts to judge the Tri-Wizard Tournament. Lucius was everything the name Malfoy implied; pure blood, arrogant and extremely wealthy. His good looks shone like a diamond in the moonlight. Anyone would be quite taken in by him at first glace. That is until he opened his mouth. _What a pompous ass _she thought. Sasha watched him sucking up to the Minister of Magic. _Putting on this elaborate show of devotion when the whole time he is hell bent on undermining the Ministry. _She turned away not being able to stand this nauseating scene.

She focused instead on her nephew Draco. He still had such potential, possessing his father's good looks and his mother's heart, as she knew he did. Sadly, his greatest admiration was for his father and as such he had become affected by all the snobbery and viciousness as Lucius.

Sasha was always amazed that Lucius had chosen such a dark path. They were so close as children. He was the heroic older brother and she the little sister who followed him everywhere and wanted to be just like him. They had a charmed childhood together at Malfoy Manor. Lucius was very ambitious and saw the potential for more power by aligning himself with the Death Eaters. She guessed he thought he was betting on a winning team until the Dark Lord fell.

Sasha was content with her station in life when she entered Hogwarts. She didn't have the thirst for advancing her position and was never afraid to argue with her brother over his choices. Still he was so proud the summer before she entered Hogwarts, bragging to his friends about his beautiful sister that was about to join Slytherin House. Everything changed the first night however when she was sorted into Gryffindor. She would never forget the look of disappointment on his face. And so began the unraveling of their closeness.

She was deep in thoughts of the past as they made their way to their box until a name jerked her out of her musings. "Potter" She looked up to see the two Malfoy men speaking to the spitting image of James Potter. _Amazing, he really did survive_, she thought. Although she missed most of this conversation, she heard enough to gather that the youngest Potter and Malfoy had as much esteem for each other as Lucius and James.

"Sasha!" it was Arthur Weasley. "It's been ages. Finally gotten your fill of America have you? I hope you'll be home for good now. "How wonderful to see you Arthur, I'll be here on business for several months but then right back to New York." she smiled as she saw that he retained the fresh boyish face from his youth.

"Well I know Molly will want to see you, we will have to get together. Look for our owl."

"Oh that would be wonderful. I've missed Molly!"

"Sasha, come now. The match is about to start." Lucius interrupted.

Slightly dejected, Sasha nodded and obediently followed her brother.

"I must remind you of your family name Sasha. Don't embarrass us by associating with the peasantry as you did in your youth." He said coldly.

"Oh honestly Lucius, are you still such a snob?"

"Your in civilization again Sasha. We have standards."

"Enough dear brother. Take me to my seat. I've come to see quidditch." She smiled at him hoping to break the tension.

He smiled on one side and extended his arm to take her to their box. He gleamed with pride at having his sister with him. Although he disapproved of her associations, she was well thought of and so improved his standing by being seen with him. He escorted her to what were of course the best seats in the house.

The majority of the crowd was rooting for the Irish but the Malfoy clan had always been fans of the Bulgarians. This team was a particular favorite due to their new seeker Victor Krum. Sasha admired his moxey, Lucius his ruthlessness, but at least they had him in common. They cheered, smiled and for a few hours felt the closeness of childhood. Sasha loved her brother despite all his shortcomings. Although they had taken very different paths, they could still connect when it came to quidditch. That was about all they connected on.

After the match Sasha, knowing that they would meet up with his friends, begged exhaustion and left them to return to Malfoy Manor. She was in no mood for reunions with his cronies. There was only one person from her past that she really wanted to see. Before she left the area, she took a stroll though the crowd to see who was there, careful to avoid making contact with anyone she wasn't looking for. He was not there. She was not surprised. He hated quidditch but it was worth a shot anyway. She returned home and went to sleep. She would later be glad that she did.

She was awakened the next morning by the house elf bearing a breakfast tray and complaining about how proper witches drink tea in the morning and why did this blood traitor drink coffee, etc. She shooed him out and opened the morning addition of The Daily Prophet. On the front page was a story about mayhem during the post match celebration. A group of Death Eaters had demolished the grounds, created a panic and left the dark mark over the site. Her heart sank. Of course this was Lucius and his ilk. He hadn't changed. She decided to confine herself to her room until she was ready to leave lest she have to deal with Nacissa. While Sasha didn't dislike Nacissa, she got very tired of hearing Lucius this and Lucius that. Her sister in law was still so in love that she could never find a fault in him. _Pretty hard to ignore this,_ thought Sasha. She was pleased that Lucius with all his character flaws found someone to love him so much. She'd always thought he would marry someone who was only interested in his fortunes. Narcissa however loved him to his core. She was happy for both of them but it was just too nauseating to face prior to having coffee.

The benefit to being holed up in this room was that she would have more time to choose her wardrobe. Normally this was not something that vexed her but today was different. Today she would see the only man she had ever loved after 15 years. Sasha had the classic Malfoy looks. Long flaxen hair, steel blue eyes and porcelain skin, she considered her reflection in the mirror. She looked older not old but not young. She wondered if he would like this change in her. _Oh I'm kidding myself. He won't even notice as usual._ Still this realization did not stop her from agonizing over what to wear. She settled on robes of ivory suede with boots that went over her knee. They made her feel invincible and she could use all the help she could get today. She also chose a wide brimmed had that could cover her eyes so she could watch him. Or cry in private. She gave one last look in the mirror and sighed in resignation.

Severus Snape. The very thought of seeing him again made her stomach flip. Would he even remember her? After all these years Sasha had never gotten over him. She adored him all through school even though his attentions were firmly directed elsewhere.

In those days she was considered quite a catch. A wealthy Malfoy girl with a fun rebellious streak. She had no shortage of suitors. Severus however was a different story. He only had eyes for one woman. Lily Evans was beautiful, smart and a friend to Sasha but alas a rival too. Try as she might, Sasha could never hold his interest. He was desperately in love with Lily. It was hard to watch.

When Lily died, the few who knew Sasha's true feelings encouraged her to go to him and try again to win his heart. She knew it was hopeless. Severus was nothing if not fiercely loyal and once his mind was made up he was resolute. The memory if him in such anguish and her not being able to help him was too much to bear. So she escaped to America where she tried for years to forget him. It was no good. Here she was 13 years later fretting about what to wear when she sees him just like a schoolgirl.

She knew whatever she wore wouldn't make him take an interest in her but she mainly just wanted him to approve of her and and admire her from an aesthetic point of view.


	3. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

Return to Hogwarts

When Sasha arrived at Hogwarts she was shown to her quarters by a team of house elves, one of which she was surprised to find was Dobby formerly of Malfoy Manor.

"Dobby!" She exclaimed and gave him a hug.

"Oh Miss Sasha, Dobby is so glad to see you. Dobby thought he would never see you again. You look so well!" he gushed, "Beautiful girl. Severus will be sure to notice you tonight." Her jaw dropped at the last sentence.

"Merlin's Beard Dobby! That was ages ago." She had forgotten how this little sneak used to read her diary.

"Dobby only wants your happiness."

"Thank you Dobby. Now out. I have to unpack." She felt bad about pulling rank like that but it wouldn't do to have him around running his mouth.

Now she was really tense. Completely unnerved by a house elf. Some Malfoy she'd turned out to be. Lucius would have fun with that if he knew. She fussed over her appearance in the mirror. Would he think she looked old? Would he even remember her? She looked at the clock. Ten minutes until she would see him again. She wished she remembered what trunk she packed the fire whiskey in. Her hands were shaking as she remembered the first time she laid eyes on him.

"Severus Snape" his name was called and the skinny nervous little boy with too long dark hair walked up to have the sorting hat placed on his head. His shoulders were slouched and he wore second hand robes. As he turned around to sit on the stool Sasha was struck by his expression. He looked so focused and dignified and certainly determined not to be intimidated. His eyes were black as night and Sasha found them stunning. She was just a child but she was in awe of him. This beautiful boy who judging by his appearance and demeanor had a terrible start in life somehow looked determined not to let his background define him.

Sasha could relate to this. Her role as a Malfoy Princess was chosen for her. She would have no say in her life. She was determined to rail against this and as such felt an immediate kinship to this young man. _ It takes courage for him to even show up_ she thought, _Gryffindor without a doubt_.

"Slytherin" the hat had barely touched his head. He gave a cocky smirk as if he knew this ahead of time and strode over to the Slytherin Table. He was warmly received by her brother, the Slytherin Prefect. For the first time ever she hoped she would land in that house. Her main concern the summer before coming was that she end up anywhere but Slytherin. Now it didn't look like such a bad idea.

"Sasha Malfoy" The sound of her name snapped her out of her musings. Always loving the spotlight even as a child she stood up tall and tossed her long blonde locks back as she strode confidently to the stool. She knew she was doomed to Slytherin but now she couldn't wait to join her bother and meet that boy. She sat down and locked eyes with Lucius. He was beaming with pride about to receive his sister into his house. "Gryffindor!" His face fell as did hers. "YEAH!" She heard the unmistakable voice of her cousin Sirus who was already with his new house. For some reason that table exploded with cheers and applause. They loved to stick it to the Slytherins especially Malfoy. That year they got to do it twice-a Black and now a Malfoy.

She didn't move. She was unsure of what to do. She looked back at Lucius who shrugged and waived her towards Gryffindor's table. She caught sight of Severus snarling at her. _Who does he think he is? _She thought. She wasn't accustomed to people looking at her like that. She raised her head high and gave her most conceited Malfoy smile and strode over to her new house table. Sirius hugged her lifted her up and spun her around. "I knew you were better than all of them." He said with a devilish grin. He could always make her feel better.

"Lily Evans" A cute little redhead bounced up to the stool. Sasha barely noticed. She was worried about what Lucius was thinking and crushed that this boy she was so drawn to already appeared to view her as the enemy. She strained to see them at the table. Her brother refused to look at her and was having a heated conversation with another boy at the table. Severus Snape wore a dreamy expression as he gazed at the girl in the front of the room. He looked hopeful. "Gryffindor!" His face fell just like Lucius face fell moments ago. She waited for the snarl he had given her, as he appeared to loathe her new house. It didn't come though. She swore she saw a tear before he looked at the floor and his hair covered his face.


	4. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

Class Reunion

_Okay Sasha, now or never. _She took a very deep breath and left her room to head down to the Great Hall for the welcome ceremony. Sorting would be over by now and so she would be just in time for her introduction as an official of the Tri-Wizard Tournament. She greeted Barty Crouch at the door. Barty was a fellow sports enthusiast and head of the Tri Wizard Cup committee. He was a stiff and corny kind of man but she had a soft spot for him. He had experienced great tragedy in his life when his son turned to the Dark Arts.

Albus introduced them and they strode down the aisle of the great hall to polite applause. He embraced them both and they turned around to take their places at the head table. That's when she saw him.

Severus Snape could still stop her heart after all these years. He had aged, mainly around his eyes but they were still as black as night and beautiful to Sasha. His glossy black hair was still long around his face..his lovely face.

She drew breath at the sight of him again. He heard her, looked up and their eyes locked. Sasha was completely unnerved and looked away. As Barty took his seat she realized with a mix of joy and horror that her seat was right next to Severus. She quickly vowed to address him like any other old schoolmate. She smiled grandly and said "Severus Snape, how wonderful to see you again."

"Good Evening Sasha." The deep timber of his voice enveloped her. She looked at him dreamily. He avoided her eyes altogether disinterested. She took her place beside him. The announcements went on but she didn't hear them. She was savoring being so close to him, noticing his familiar scent of herbs and potion ingredients of the day. All her teenage fantasies were coming back to her. She felt her hormones raging. _Merlin's Beard this is ridiculous! You're not a kid anymore Sasha. Get it together. _

The introduction of the students from the visiting schools began. Beauxbatons, still the same. _Ballet and bluebirds…whatever. _Drumstrang still the same as ever. _Okay we get it, you're bad asses._ She was pleased to see the Victor Krum was one of the Drumstrang students. _Let the ladies beware_ she thought as she watched the Hogwarts girls swoon.

Igor Karkaroff walked confidently in as the Drumstrang Headmaster. _Oh no not Igor! _He had been enamored with Sasha for years and frequently ran into her at various sporting events. Despite her consistent rebuffs he was quite persistent. He spotted her immediately and bared his teeth as he smiled at her. He looked very much like a wolf. She nodded back and smiled politely all the while wondering if Severus had noticed the exchange and what he thought of it.

Barty explained the rules and champion identification process. Sasha wasn't listening. She's heard it all before. _Blah, Blah, Blah, wrap it up man!_ She was busy desperately trying to think of how to start a conversation with Severus so she could hear his beautiful voice again. The students began booing loudly when Barty announced that no student under 17 would be allowed to compete. She thought it was a stupid rule as well. No student under 17 had ever qualified for one thing and if they did this year, well good for them. She was overruled however. The only woman on the Tri-Wizard committee had little pull even if she was a Malfoy. Albus silenced the rowdy bunch and the feast began.

She couldn't eat a bite. Severus was so close she could touch him and yet she couldn't think of a thing to say. She was blowing it. He was glaring at the Gryffindor table and not taking notice of her at all. She plunged right in. "It's good to see you again Sev. You're looking well." He smirked and said nothing. Never one to give up she tried again to engage him. "So you're the Potions Master?" Nothing. "That's wonderful that you're doing something that you love."

"I loathe it," he quickly snapped.

"Really? Potions were always your passion. You were so gifted," she gushed like a schoolgirl.

"I'm still gifted Miss Malfoy, however I loathe teaching these insufferable prats."

"Oh, I guess I can understand that. I'm sure we weren't angels when we were that age either." She was nervous and rambling. She knew it but couldn't stop. "It's just that I always thought you were a wonderful teacher. If it weren't for the goodness of your heart I would have failed Potions."

"My teaching you had nothing to do with goodness of heart your father paid me to tutor you." He spat this out at her with great venom.

"Oh. Really?" She was obviously taken aback by this. "I..I didn't know. I thought you were just being kind." He said nothing but raised one eyebrow and looked at her mockingly in silence. She laughed nervously for lack of something to say and desperately tried to regain her composure. "Well no matter. I got an outstanding on my OWL's and I've always enjoyed your company." Snape rolled his eyes at this and went back to his dinner.

"So are you working on any new potions?"

"Miss Malfoy is the reason you stay so trim because you prattle on endlessly about nothing at meals? Or perhaps you still have that Gryffindor conceit that makes you think everyone around you is hanging on your every word." His words hung in the air as she looked at him in shock. Sasha felt like she's just taken a quaffle to the chest as she felt all the air leave it. She'd forgotten how ruthless he could be and wasn't prepared for it.

She swallowed hard. "My apologies Severus. I was just happy to see you that's all." She looked away so he couldn't see her blink back tears. They ate in silence. All around them others engaged in merry conversation. Sasha had humiliated herself once again trying to make inroads with this solitary man. She worried that he'd gotten much worse. A lifetime of shutting everyone out made him so hard. Still she thought carefully on how to try again.

Severus retreated behind his mask. He was angry with himself for shutting out someone who had always been a friend to him even when no one else was. He was angry with her for trying again tonight and because he knew she would try again tomorrow. She always came back for more no matter what he dished out. Why did she care? Why couldn't she leave him alone?


	5. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

The After Party

Author's note: Shifting a bit to Snape's point of view. I just love to get inside his head! Hope you do too!

After the feast the staff of Hogwarts and the visiting schools gathered together for an impromptu social. Severus looked like he would rather suffer the cruciatis curse but dutifully attended. The room was warm and festive with a very large fireplace and a roaring fire going. She chatted with Mad Eye for some time. However there was something very unsettling about that man. He leered at her when he spoke even though he was at least 15 years older than she. It gave her the creeps. She avoided Igor, not wanting to get tangled up with him again and kept her eyes on Severus.

He moved about the room slowly and cautiously. He had always been uncomfortable in social situations. He spoke with various professors but always seemed to be on the outskirts of the conversation. He said very little. At some point he seemed to grow tired of making the effort and sat in an armchair near the fire to watch the flames.

She was drawn to him despite her failed attempts to connect earlier in the evening. This time she had a little fire whiskey in her for courage. She finished the drink she was working on and poured herself another and also one for Severus. She took a deep breath and crossed the room to try again.

She handed him the glass, which he took with a half smile and sat down near him. "So you didn't answer my question about potions you're currently working on. I assume you must be working on a few though."

"Yes. Always." He said seeming slightly more receptive. She pushed her advantage.

"Well what kind?"

"That doesn't concern you." The walls went up quickly and unexpectedly.

Sasha was slightly buzzed and undeterred. "Come on Sev. I thought we worked well together. Perhaps I could be your assistant again."

"Yes you could. It's a muting potion and I need a test subject." He deadpanned.

"You're laughing at me."

Nothing.

"I don't know why you're so foul tonight. I just wanted to catch up with an old friend." She took a large gulp of fire whiskey and stared at the fire. He watched her and began to feel a little guilty. She meant no harm.

"Forgive me Sasha. I'd forgotten your need to engage in pleasantries. Tell me what new contests are you and Barty putting together these days?"

"One to be the biggest asshole you should be a shoe-in." It was out before she could think about it. _Damn! _ He laughed softly and smiled wryly at this. His laugh was a beautiful baritone.

"Still have that acid tongue when backed into a corner I see." He said laughing softly again. "You know that's a very Slytherin trait."

Sasha stared at the fire and said, "Why do I bother?" under her breath.

"Why do you?" He threw that out like a challenge.

"Sasha!" Karkarov called loudly from across the room, "Don't waste all your charm on Snape. He'll never appreciate you as I do. Come over here!" He smiled broadly with cheeks rosy from too much drink. He waved her over.

"Drunken fool." Severus spat. "Still coming after you every time he's had a nip."

"He's an old friend who has always been good to me. At least someone is. He deserves civility in return." She stood to leave, "Severus?"

"What?" he snapped.

"Nothing." And she crossed the room to meet Igor.

He watched her walk over to Karkarov and considered how little time had changed her. She was still beautiful and still obstinate. Once she made a judgment about someone she never changed her mind. There was something very endearing and comforting about this. In his youth it elevated his ego to know he could push her around and she would still want to hang around him. Now however he didn't understand it. What could she want with him now? He was an aging Potions Master and a presumed death eater that everyone despised.

He watched as Karkarov listened intently to whatever she was saying. He hated the way Karkarov was looking at her like a predator. Severus gritted his teeth as he watched him lean over and whisper something into her ear. She threw her head back and laughed loudly as Karkarov moved closer still and continued to speak into her ear with a grin. Heads were starting to turn in their direction as she made a great effort to compose herself.

Karkarov extended his arm and raised his eyebrows in a questioning manner. She smiled at him and looked down. Then she cast an almost imperceptible sidelong glance at Severus. He saw it. There was no doubt. She looked back at Karkarov, smiled broadly and took his arm. They strolled out of the gathering leaving a few raised eyebrows in their wake.

Severus stared at the fire imagining what they must have been talking about. Were they laughing at him? He hated Karkarov for always pursuing Sasha. She was far too good for him and yet she put up with him. She always kept him at bay though. He wondered if she would finally give in to him tonight. What was to stop them? Finally he could take no more and exited the room unnoticed.

He had always taken a voyeuristic interest in her relationships with other men. He watched their interactions closely, eavesdropped on conversations and on several occasions discovered and read love letters addressed to her. He rationalized this in thinking that she needed his protection. She was too open and gullible. She never led them on, cutting them off entirely if their attentions became too adourus.

On more than one occasion he heard her tell them that she had a boyfriend and that it was "complicated." Severus was 100% certain that she did not. It was a lie she told to get rid of them. He loved that he was on to her games and secrets and that she didn't know it.

He walked softly towards the area of the castle where he knew her quarters would be located. He heard her practiced aristocratic laugh, which he knew to be her fake laugh, and so knew he was going in the right direction. He picked up his pace so not to miss anything interesting.

He found her leaned up against her door shaking her head at Karkarov as he leaned against the wall. He held her hand and appeared to be pleading with her and she continued to shake her head. _Damn he's pathetic! _ Severus hated him more by the minute.

"No Igor. It's late and I'm going to get some sleep."

"Sasha pleeease. It's a beautiful night. The full moon makes it perfect for flying."

"No Igor, I'm exhausted."

"Well then, how about a good night kiss?" He leaned in quickly but she was too fast for him. She pushed him off by the shoulders very hard.

"Igor you're incorrigible!"

"You're evil to tease me like this Sasha Malfoy." He said with a smile.

"Tease you? I've told you repeatedly for the last 20 years that this isn't going to happen. How is that teasing to an intelligent person? And if you recall, we actually had a date once and you blew it."

"I was a foolish boy." He said with some regret.

"Well now you're a foolish man. You know my answer never changes so why keep asking." She forced herself to sound colder since he wasn't getting the message.

He smirked and said, "Maybe I just want to nail you." And then threw his head back and laughed loudly at her shocked expression.

"Oh that's attractive Igor." She said trying to keep a straight face. " Really turning on the old Drumstrang charm tonight aren't you? I can't believe you aren't dripping in women with that rap." He was laughing hard now, holding his stomach and sitting on the windowsill across from her door.

"Oh come on Sasha. What do they call it? Friends with benefits?"

"Ugh!" She slapped him on the shoulder and he doubled over with laughter. She couldn't keep her composure any longer and laughed easily as she sat next to him. He smiled at her as he settled down. "You really are an old fool Igor."

"A lonely old fool." He said suddenly very serious. He took her hand. "Why should either of us be lonely Sasha? We've always gotten along well."

Severus was watching this with his blood boiling. _Don't do it Sasha. _

"Igor, I've told you, it's"

"Complicated" He spat the end of her sentence. "You always say that but it doesn't have to be."

"Good night Igor." She said standing up to give him his cue.

"Good night, but not good bye." He turned and walked down the hall. "I'm very persistent Sasha."

"I've noticed." She said watching him walk away.

Severus watched in silence. She watched Igor till he was out of sight and then sighed heavily. He knew that sigh. It was regret. How could she regret Karkarov? He was ridiculous in Severus' opinion. As she put her hand on the doorknob she began to sob. He fought the sudden urge to go to her, unwilling to blow his cover. Her shoulders shook as she wiped her eyes with one hand and opened the door with the other.

So there it was. The unflappable Sasha Malfoy had a broken heart over someone. It couldn't be Karkarov. That much he knew. His curiosity was great as it always had been with her and he vowed to uncover her secret.


	6. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

Morning Flight

Author's Note: Are you also a Twilight geek like me? Then imagine the song Supermassive Black Hole playing in the background while Sasha is flying. It's from the scene where the Cullen's play baseball. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Sasha walked into her room like a zombie and changed into her nightgown. She was miserable. The situation however was familiar, here at Hogwarts, up too late, pining away for Severus and knowing it was hopeless. She thought of Igor. Perhaps he was right. Why should they both be lonely? Could she grow to love him? No. That was not fair to him. He deserved someone to love him wholeheartedly. She made a mental note to find him a beautiful distraction. Her mind was spinning and she was exhausted. The fire whiskey consumed earlier ensured she was quickly asleep.

As she always did after alcohol, she slept to hard and woke too soon. She felt very groggy but knew that she would never get back to sleep. She glanced at the clock, 5am, hours before breakfast. She smiled recalling the early mornings as a student. She would wake up at this hour almost every day and go flying. Sometimes she would fly with Sirus or Regulus or both of them. Usually though they slept in, and it was she and James.

She had a love hate friendship with James. They had loads in common quidditch, a love a pranks and cheeky wit. As he became increasingly infatuated with Lily and increasingly obsessed with torturing Severus however, their friendship cooled and they saw less of each other. Sasha was furious at him for what he was doing, but she understood him. He wanted Lily and Sev was in the way. He would have her and anything that got in his way would be demolished. If she could have turned on Lily and won Severus she would have gladly done it without looking back. Severus however was much stronger in his affections and would not have wavered in the least. So she didn't try it.

_Ugh! There's just too much in my head this morning._ It was becoming too much for her to face her past. She decided to clear her head with an early morning fly. She threw on some muggle technical clothing to keep the cold out, grabbed her broom and headed out.

The school was eerily quiet and she was glad she had on sneakers so as not to click when she walked. She walked into the courtyard and looked back at the castle. A few security lights were on but other than that just one light on the third floor over the Slytherin dungeon. She strained to see who it was and saw that it was Severus sitting at a desk by his window. Working away at something. Always working. _Is there no escape from this man?_ She had to get away from him. She jumped on her broomstick and flew out fast.

She took some laps around the quidditch field and then hovered a bit to look back at the castle. She could still see his light. Then she saw someone come out of the castle and begin to fly by broomstick over to her. _Gryffindor colors. Someone is up early._ As they flew closer she almost fell off her broom. _Am I having a flashback because this looks like James? Am I still drunk from the night before? What the hell was in that stuff?_ She laughed as the person flew over to her. It was Harry.

"What's so funny professor?"

"I thought I was seeing a ghost. You looked just like James." She said laughing.

"I get that a lot. I couldn't sleep and saw you flying. May I join you?"

"Absolutely!" She said with gusto. " You know your father and I flew in the morning all the time. He was excellent! Are you as fast as he was?"

"No. Faster!" He said with a smile.

"HA!" She threw her head back and laughed. "And just as cocky. I love it! Race you to the black lake." And they were off. They raced over to the Black Lake and were neck and neck. As they flew out over the water, he got ahead over her.

"Yeaaaa!" Harry yelled with his fist in the air as Sasha laughed.

"Follow me!" She called back spinning out and starting to head back. She swooped down low over the lake and Harry caught up to her. She steadied herself and then jumped onto the broom to ride it like the muggles surfed. They both shouted at the adrenaline rush and Harry jumped up too. His balance was a little off but he managed to stay up. "Awesome Harry! Now try this." She stepped back on her broom until the bottom dipped a bit and drug the water leaving a wake. Harry smiled and did the same. He was quite good. He pulled ahead of her as the got closer to shore and he looked back to taunt her. She pointed to the shoreline but it was too late. His broom hit land but his momentum pummeled him forward and he hit the ground. Sasha tried to dismount on shore but tripped over him and landed about three feet away. They were both laughing hard laying on the shoreline. "That was great!" Sasha said and meant it. Harry jumped up and helped her up.

"Let's go again professor." He said ready for anything.

"Love to but it's getting close to breakfast time. We'll come back out tomorrow."

"Alright." Said Harry disappointed. They started walking back to the castle. "So seriously am I as fast as my Dad?"

"HA! Almost Harry. Hey next time we come out I'll teach you the half-pipe." She said with enthusiasm. They chatted and laughed loudly all the way back to Hogwarts. As they entered the courtyard she saw Severus at the window with his arms crossed still watching. She didn't acknowledge him but pulled her hair out of the ponytail and shook her head. _Oh so you like to watch, take that!_ She thought.

Severus turned away from the window not wanting to watch this nauseating scene any longer. It reminded him of his school days when women were gushing all over James Potter. He was feeling a very illogical pang of jealousy. He knew she could never be interested in such a young boy but he was envious of the moment they shared, and the connection. She wasn't just tolerating him as with Karkaroff, she was enjoying herself. It was a confusing feeling for him. He'd never really desired the company of anyone except Lilly. He basically put up with Sasha for years because she was such a pest but this was a new feeling entirely. In the past he had always wanted to know what she was doing and whom she was with mainly because he was nosey and could also find out details about what Lilly was doing as well. Plus it was kind of nice to have a popular girl be friendly with him. It elevated his status a bit.

He was starting to feel differently now though. This had the beginnings of an obsession. He felt like he was being disloyal to Lily. His devotion to her had become his identity and had remained so years after her death.

He tried to shake it off as he showered and dressed for breakfast. He looked at his reflection and wondered if he needed a haircut. Then he remembered that years ago Sasha told him she liked his hair long. _What am I doing?_ There was too much in his head this morning and he was glad it would be a busy day.

Sasha quickly showered and dressed then ran down to the great hall to grab breakfast before she was to meet Madame Hooch to help her teach flight to the first years. Minerva, Flitwick and Snape were seated together and she joined them. She attacked the food before her-hungry after being to nervous to eat the night before and then her morning flight. "Could you pass the croissants, oh and is that sausage, I'll have that too. Is there any honey?" She loaded her plate.

Minerva stared at her "Hungry this morning are we Sasha?"

"Ravenous!" she replied with enthusiasm, "I've been flying since dawn what a glorious morning. The black lake was beautiful in the sunrise. It was wonderful!"

Snape cut her off "Yes we know Miss Malfoy, you and Potter woke half the castle with your shouting. Typical Griffyndors, always making noise so someone will look at them." They all looked shocked at his outburst but Sasha was ready for him.

"I don't know what you're complaining about, you were up at dawn. I saw your light on." His eyes narrowed as he answered her, "I'm merely saying that you should contain your exuberance in deference to the schedules of others rather than whooping uncontrollably like animals."

"Contain my exuberance in deference to the schedules of others?" She mocked. "Honestly Sev do you stay up nights thinking this shit up?" Minerva stifled a giggle.

He went back to his breakfast but Sasha was not about to let it go. She decided to change her tone and touched his arm when she spoke again. "Oh Sev, I adore flying! Don't you ever do anything for the pure joy of it?" she asked with a friendlier tone. He merely stared at her and raised one eyebrow. She snickered a bit at this, she had walked right into it. "Well," she said focusing on preparing her coffee, "that's not healthy. You should make time for things you enjoy." He rolled his eyes at her. "I'm going to make you have fun at least once this year," she said with authority.

"I seriously doubt it," he said with distain in his voice.

"Oh I will, you'll see."

"Will not"

"Bet me." She said as she set her cup down and held our her hand for him to shake.

"I believe you mean a wager Sasha. Your slang is appalling." He said.

She got up taking her coffee with her. "You'll see." She said and stalked out of the room. He watched her walk away and thought about how he enjoyed sparing with a woman who wasn't afraid of him. No wonder Igor kept coming back for more.


	7. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

Common Ground

Severus continued to stalk her over the next few weeks. He watched her during his free hour in the morning as she assisted Madame Hooch with the youngest fliers. It was Sasha's job to work with the muggle borns who had no exposure to their world and generally had a harder time the first year particularly with flying.

On this morning she was radiant with the sun glistening on her long blonde hair that cascaded down the back of her Gryffindor robes. She smiled and laughed and encouraged her young pupils and they responded well to her. They liked her and wanted to do well to please her. Her teaching style was the polar opposite of his. How easily relationships came to her. Today she was working with a tiny Hufflepuff boy who was very discouraged. "I can't do it. I'm only a muggleborn we can't fly like that. I'm not coordinated." He whined.

"That's absurd. No one is great at this the first time they try. You're just new to it that's all." She spoke softly and motherly to him.

"How would you know? You're one of the best fliers around." He protested.

" I wasn't always. It's hard work to master it. Do you know my favorite teacher in the world once told me I could do anything I wanted to do as long as I practiced."

"Really?"

"Yes. Professor Snape told me that and he was right. It was the most valuable advice I ever received." She said honestly.

"He was your favorite? But he's so scary."

"Oh no." She said laughing "Not really. It's just very important to him that you do your very best. He's the best teacher at Hogwarts. Trust me. If you listen to him you'll be amazed at what you'll learn. Now, let's you and I get back to flying." He laughed thinking she sounded ridiculously like Mary Poppins.

Severus was pleasantly touched that Sasha would compliment him to her students. He remembered the exact moment she was speaking of. During her second year at Hogwarts Sasha was struggling in her studies. Potions was proving especially difficult for her. After first term her family was displeased with her grades and turned to her older bother to resolve the situation. He summoned 13 year old Severus Snape to the Slytherin common room one evening. "Snape isn't it?"

"Yes."

"I understand you're top of your class in potions."

"I am."

"Perhaps you know my sister Sasha."

"Yes. Griffyndor. She's in my class." He said suspiciously. Every boy at Hogwarts knew Sasha. She was their fantasy. Even Severus would think about things he would like to do with her when Lily's standoffishness frustrated him.

"She's failing miserably. Our father was appauled with her last grade report. We would like you to work with her."

"Forgive me but she's very far behind. I don't think she will ever have a knack for it."

"My sister has none of the Malfoy talent. Fortunately she was born beautiful and so we can arrange her marriage to someone from a powerful family. That's the only good she'll ever be. However no one will have her if she fails out of school. I'll pay you dearly to tutor her."

Severus was surprised that a girl that most everyone admired could be of so little value to her family. He felt a kinship with her in this. His father resented his very existence and his mother did nothing to improve the situation but send him away. He understood what rejection by your family felt like. He resolved in that moment to help Sasha not for the money although he would take it anyway, but because she deserved help from someone who understood.

"It's no use Sev. I have no talent for potions." Sasha sighed one afternoon when they were working together.

"Sasha, you can do anything you want to as long as you practice." He said encouragingly. "Look at how good you are at quidditch. I bet you weren't always that good but you kept at it."

"Potions are different. You have to be smart to do potions."

"Sasha, look at me." She met his eyes and he was shocked that he never noticed what a deep shade of turquoise they were. "You are smart and talented. Don't ever listen to anyone who says otherwise." He meant it.

"Thank you Severus." She held his gaze a little too long. He felt uncomfortable. .

"That's enough for today." He busied himself by packing up their supplies. "You know Sasha your biggest problem is these ingredients. They are of the worst quality. I would think a Malfoy would have only the finest. Doesn't your father give you money for this?"

"Oh well yes he does but he won't give me money for a faster broom so I'm trying to save here and there to get the money myself." She said a little embarrassed. He could relate to that feeling as well. He never had enough money for the extra things. He had to work with the gamekeeper in the stables just to have enough for the basics. Teaching Sasha however was proving to be a windfall.

"There's a trip to Hogsmeade this weekend. I have to order robes first thing but meet me later and we will find you some proper supplies. I promise we won't break the bank."

"Dress robes? For the Yule Ball?"

"Yes." He continued to clean up the workspace.

"So you're planning on going?" She said hopefully.

"Yes."

"Do you have a date?"

"Lily Evans."

"Oh right." Her face fell but he didn't notice. "Of course you're taking Lily."

"Are you going?"

"Well Igor Karkaroff asked me but I haven't decided yet."

"Hmm well you two should have fun. I'll see you at Hogsmeade then."

Severus jerked himself out of this memory, not liking where this train of thought was leading. He didn't take Lily to the ball. She never saw him in the new dress robes that he'd worked so hard to earn the money for. The memory of what happened was too painful to think about. Yet somehow he remembered Sasha as the one ray of light in this dark memory.


	8. Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

Survival of the Fittest

Author's Notes: Thanks for the reviews and encouragement!

Sasha was encouraging her little Hufflepuff student along as she saw Severus cut across the courtyard. His black hair and robes were flowing behind him as he moved gracefully. He was pretty close and she wondered how long he had been standing there. Had he heard her tell the story of him being her favorite teacher? She worried a little about how he would feel about her sharing that. Would it be the usual verbal beat down or the rare glimpse of the soul she loved. _I've got to get out of my own head. _She decided she couldn't worry about the unknown and tried to refocus on her little student. Her heart was full of guilt.

Logically she knew it was not her fault that Lily dumped him right before the ball. It was only a matter of time before James made his move. She was however inadvertently the trigger for an event that forever altered his life.

She was having lunch at the Gryffindor table with Sirius and his Marauder cronies. Igor strode boldly up to the table in all his Drumstrang glory. She remembered thinking how handsome he was and loved the fact that he would walk right up to her while she was with the Marauders. He wasn't scared of them I the least. She could have fallen for him if she wasn't so in love with her lanky Slytherin friend. "Sasha, my comrades and I will have dinner on the boat with our guests before the ball. I hope you may join us."

She couldn't help but giggle a little like a girl. He was rather imposing. "I'd adore it Igor." She had accepted the date with him as soon as she knew Severus was going with Lily. He was not her first choice but he was every other girl's first choice. That soothed her ego a bit.

He smiled at her like he was up to something. "I'll see you there." He said and then joined the rest of his crew on the way back to the boat.

"I can't believe you're going out with that douche bag." Sirius jeered blowing the moment for her.

"Nice language Sirius." She chastised, "I like Igor. He's fun and he's nice to me." She held her chin high as she said this, daring any of them to argue with her.

"And he's the only one who asked you." Sirius could always knock her down a peg when she least expected it.

"Well that too," she laughed. James snickered a bit and then stifled it.

"So Mr. Cool who are you taking?" She threw it out like a challenge.

"Fiona Duvall, from Beauxbattons." He said with an evil grin.

"I heard she's fast." Sasha just had to be critical of this choice. The Gryffindor girls didn't like those phonies.

"I heard that too!" He laughed and danced in his seat a little while James and Peter gave him high fives. Lupin just rolled his eyes.

"Ugh! You're vile," she said throwing her napkin at him. "James please tell me you have better taste than my depraved cousin."

"I have excellent taste," he said with pride. "I'm taking Lily Evans."

"Since when?" Sasha asked a little confused.  
"Well, I haven't asked her yet," he confessed.

"Better get a move on mate," said Sirius. "Otherwise you'll end up with some troll."

"You'd better start checking out trolls," Sasha said with a flip of her hair. "She's already going."

"With who?" James was visibly angry. His eyes were flashing and Sasha remembered thinking that he seemed to take everything for granted.

"Severus Snape of course. He's her best friend."

"That greasy git?" He slammed down his fork. "I don't believe it."

"Believe it." Sasha said with a little triumph in her voice.

"That's what you get for not asking sooner." Sirius kept eating as he talked. He was oblivious to how angry James was that Lily would consider anyone but him. "Want me to see if Fiona has a slutty friend?"

"Hell no!" James snapped back loudly and the whole table looked at him. "She's going with me. I'll fix him."

"Don't be a spoiled prat." Sasha spat at him.

"Why are you always defending him Sasha? He's weak and worthless." James was still so angry he was sputtering.

"I think he's wonderful and so does Lily. She'll have a great time with Severus. You'll just have to get over it." _Just like I will, _she added silently.

"Like hell. Come on Sirius." James and the rest of the Marauders left as a pack as usual.

"Sirius could Fiona get a friend for me?" She heard the pathetic Pettigrew whine as they left.

In that moment she had no idea what events she had just triggered. When she found out she would regret it for years. James walked out of the great hall with a head full of steam. Severus was in his way. James would annihilate him. With his posse behind him he went to the courtyard to seek his enemy.

Sasha found out what happened at dinner that night and was desperate to try and fix things for Severus. That night in the Gryffindor common room she pleaded with Lily. "Lily please."

"Forget it!" Lily tossed her red hair in annoyance.

"Lil, he was cornered and angry. People say things they don't mean sometimes."

"No way Sasha. I've had it with him and his Death Eater buddies. You might excuse it because of they way your family is, but I'm done with it."

"But Lily he's broken hearted. He's worked with the gamekeeper shoveling cages and stables for months to save money for new dress robes. You can't just dump him and go with James now." Sasha thought she would cry when she thought of him working so hard for someone he loved.

"If you think he's so wonderful you go with him." She said dismissively.

Sasha flinched at this. She would have given anything to go with him but she knew it was hopeless. "Oh, He wouldn't want to go with me." She said this with sad resignation. "He loves you Lily."

Lily whipped around at this. "He loves power and control. That's the path he's chosen. Now I'm choosing mine." These were terms Sasha understood well. She and Sirius were the black sheep of the family because they chose their own ways. She understood how difficult this choice must be for her friend and softened a bit.

Not being one to give up, she tried another approach. "Poor Severus, he must be devastated."

"As was I when my best friend called me a mudblood."

James interrupted them. "Hello ladies!" He said seemed to have not a care in the world as he bounded into the room with his disciples in tow. "Talking about what to wear to the ball?" He smiled broadly at Lily as he said this.

Sasha stood up to go to her room. "You disgust me." She pushed him out of the way as she left to go to bed.

"Oh come on Sash!" He called after her. "It's survival of the fittest!"

She blinked back a tear as she watched Harry and his friends cross the yard on their way to class. Look who the survivors are now: a clever but weaker boy, an outcast with nothing but her looks, a child on his way to becoming a man. We were always the fittest. We just didn't know it.


	9. Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

Little White Lies

The night that the champions were to be named, the staff and students of all schools gathered together in the Great Hall. Sasha found Severus in the crowd and tried to casually find a spot close to him. "Good evening Sasha. How are the first year fliers doing?"

"Oh they're coming along thanks." She smiled and had a warm feeling in her chest. He was in a rare good mood tonight. "If they get discouraged, I just tell them what you used to tell me. You can do anything you want if you..:

"Practice." He finished her sentence.

"Hey you remembered." She said feeling a connection with him.

"I remembered." He said half smiling.

"It really was the best advice I ever received. You always knew how to bring out the best in me." She touched his arm and he was struck by her sincerity. "Every time I think about giving up on something I think of what you said. Thank you Severus."

Dumbledore called the room to attention but Severus wasn't listening. He remembered why he liked being around Sasha years ago. She always made him feel good about himself. That was something he never felt with anyone else, not even Lily. With Lily he always felt at a disadvantage. He wished he could give that gift to her. She projected a confident image but Severus knew her well enough that to know that there was a part of her that never felt she would be good enough. That was why she'd never severed ties with her Death Eater family. That was why she let someone like Igor Karkaroff paw all over her. That was why she tried to hard to be his friend in the face of his sarcasm.

She was standing in front of him and very close. He could smell the fragrance of her hair. It was intoxicating. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, forgetting himself for a moment. His mind was not prone to wander in this manner and he was feeling the beginnings of obsession once again.

"Harry Potter!" The anger in Dumbledore's voice jolted him back to reality. _Cheating again. That's no surprise._

The selections ended and the school staffs, Barty and Sasha all went to another room to discuss the latest development. There was a lot of anger in the room.

Barty looked to Sasha for guidance. She had encyclopedic knowledge of wizard sports and games. "Sasha, what is the precedent for this." He spoke in his usual clipped speech.

" There is none exactly like this. However, there was one year when the goblet failed to choose a Beauxbatons champion. In that year only two students competed." Sasha spoke with authority on this and Maxine smirked at her.

"Then this contract is absolute and this meeting is over. Sasha I am leaving tonight but you will stay here and oversee things. I will come back for the events." With that Barty was out the door not wanting further confrontation.

Severus felt his stomach turn in knots. She was staying. He looked up and saw Igor smiling at this. Madeye was sneering as well. If they got too close he would jinx them.

The Drumstrang and Beauxbatons delegations as well as Diggory and Potter left the room and Albus conferred with his staff. After much debate it was agreed to let the plot unfold.

"Miss Malfoy, care to let an old man walk you back to your quarters?" Madeye offered Sasha his arm.

"Why certainly Professor Moody," said Sasha taking his arm. "I know I couldn't be any safer than when I'm with the best auror in the world." Severus watched the exchange noting that there was little difference between the way she spoke to Karkaroff and the way she spoke to Madeye. She was a practiced pureblood with the manners to match. He was about to go back to his room and then noticed Madeye lick his lips while looking at her. The gesture was unnoticed by Sasha. Severus didn't like it. He decided to follow them and observe as he had many times before. He knew it was a little silly. Moody was an old man. Still he had a gut feeling and went with it. He hung back in the shadows as they walked at a leisurely pace through the dimly lit corridors.

"So you've finally forgiven me have you?" Madeye spoke in his gruff voice.

"What do I have to forgive you for Professor?"

"As you may recall I was responsible for putting your fiancé in Azkaban. Now you're an old maid."

Ha!" Sasha threw her head back and laughed. "An old maid? That's lovely Alastar. You and Igor must have gone to the same finishing school." Then she became much more serious. "I don't fault you for putting Barty away."

"Over him then are you? If that's the case why are you alone all these years? A beautiful girl like you?"

"You're out of line but I'll answer your question." She was perturbed with him. "I'm alone because I choose to be. It has nothing to do with Barty. I was never in love with him. My father and Lucius arranged the marriage so Lucius could have a job at the ministry. I was traded away like livestock."

Alastar turned and faced her suddenly very serious. "You never loved him at all? Not even a little?"

"No. When the match was arranged, I thought well at least he's handsome. He seemed like a nice bloke. He came from a nice family. I thought perhaps I could grow to love him. At the very least life with such a man would be tolerable. I was very wrong. He was the worst sort of man; abusive, cruel, sadistic…I was fortunate to be saved from him."

Severus stood in the shadows with his throat getting tighter and burning. He remembered all too well how Barty had treated her. He'd tried for years to block out the memory of this and how he'd stood by and let it happen. She sighed heavily and looked at the ground. Alastar looked at her for a long time before he spoke again.

"So you've never loved anyone your entire life?"

"You are one nosey old bugger Professor." She was getting more annoyed by the moment. "For your information I did love someone very much but it will never be now."

"Why? Is he dead?"

Sasha thought about this. "You could say that." It wasn't really a lie. Severus soul died with Lily, or so she thought.

"How did he die?"

She considered this as well. "At the hands of Voldemort himself." This was also not entirely a lie. She was in no mood to tell this crotchety old man the details of her love life.

"I'm sorry for your loss Sasha." He said with sincerity and they continued their walk.

Severus could listen no more. _Potter! Of course it was him. That explains why she felt such a rivalry with Lily, why she hung out with the Marauders all those years, why she never had a boyfriend and why she enjoys Harry's company. James Potter! That filthy son of a bitch! How can life be this unfair? How could Potter have the love of my life and the object of all my sexual fantasies too?_ His mind was spinning. He turned on his heel and headed for the Slytherin dungeons. He was livid. The students were in for a rough day tomorrow.


	10. Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

Why we play it safe

Sasha awoke just before dawn as usual. She quickly dressed, grabbed her broom and headed to the courtyard for takeoff. Harry was waiting for her. "Harry I'm afraid this will have to be our last morning flight until the tournament is over. I wouldn't want anyone to think I was playing favorites."

"I thought you might say that professor." He said with a heavy sigh. "I just couldn't sleep. I've no idea who put my name in that goblet. Everyone thinks I'm lying."

She looked at him closely. He had a far sweeter demeanor than his father. He was humble, a trait James certainly lacked. Lily lacked it too in Sasha's opinion though everyone else in the world would disagree with her. Truth be told she liked him better than both of them. He was a good kid. "I believe you Harry." She smiled at him and he seemed to relax a bit. "Last chance to half pipe with an old lady!" With that she took off and he followed her. They flew for two hours, not wanting their last outing to end. They didn't land until they absolutely had to in order to grab a quick breakfast before class.

Severus Snape was watching this pre-dawn flight and getting madder by the moment. He loathed Potter. He hated Sasha for intruding on his well-ordered life. _Just look at them. She obviously fancies him. A younger version of James right here and now. She'll manipulate that stupid boy into bed and he will love every minute of it._ Severus was a seething cauldron of hatred by the time he left for breakfast. He had no appetite but desperately needed caffeine after so many nights without sleeping well.

He sat at the head table and watched them enter the room like old friends. Two quidditch jocks with their brooms over their shoulders striding in like they owned the castle. The were laughing and joking. Bother were pink cheeked from strenuous activity with their hair tousled about. They looked like they'd just had great sex. Seeing the two of them together made Severus' blood boil.

Harry joined his friends at the Gryffindor table as Sasha approached the head table. She smiled at Severus but walked right past him. "Oh, good morning Sev." She said with a little wave. She seemed to barely notice him and walked over to join Madame Hooch, Minerva and Sprout. His mind was racing still livid about the discovery of her love for James the night before and now this spectacle with this boy. Not even a man, a boy. He wanted to hurt her, to make her feel as horrible and rejected as he did. Without thinking it through he walked with purpose to where she was sitting with the other women. "Out to rob the cradle are we?"

The entire table of women stopped everything and stared at him, completely astonished. He and Sasha locked eyes on each other like snipers with a target. He raised an eyebrow at her challenging her to come at him. She did. "Would you care to tell me what you're babbling about?" She said in her most condescending tone.

"Is it not enough that you have Karkaroff on your hook? Now you're whoring around with students?"

"Just what exactly are you insinuating Snape?" She spat out his last name like it had a bad taste.

Minerva piped up nervously, 'Time for class ladies" and shooed the others away.

Sasha waited until they were out of earshot but neither she nor Snape broke eye contact during this time

"You and Potter."

"Potter and I?"

"That's right. You little slut." Their eyes drilled holes into each other.

"Well I guess you would know all about my whereabouts considering you've been stalking me from your window. AGAIN!" Her voice got much louder and she stood to be on an even level with him. Then she went after him in an angry whisper. "How DARE you accuse me of something so low! You've got a lot of brass to stand there and accuse a friend of something so vile especially when it's completely baseless and utterly absurd." Severus felt he was about to be bested and swallowed hard bracing for impact. Sasha went for his throat. "Who the HELL do you think you are to come up to me in front of a group of colleagues and trash my reputation? And THEN to call me a disgusting name like that! Is this how you treat all your friends? No wonder you don't have any."

He stood there shocked into silence and back to reality. She had him. He was repeating a pattern he swore he never would.

Sasha shocked herself. She hadn't wanted to wound him this badly. He suddenly looked like that lonely young man she knew so long ago. He wore the same expression she had seen when James would go after him. "Oh Severus I'm," He closed his eyes and held up his hand for her to stop. Then he turned on his heel and walked quickly towards the door. As he passed Potter he glared at him. "Fifty points from Gryffindor."

The whole table looked at him in shock. "For what?" said Harry.

"Breathing."

Sasha was no longer hungry and began to slowly exit with her coffee in hand. "Fifty points to Gryffindor," she said as she passed Harry, "for being in the wrong place at the wrong time." She left the table of students in utter confusion.

A week went by and Sasha went through her days in a dream like state. She felt horrible. He deserved it she told herself, but she didn't really believe it. She was ashamed of herself for hurting someone she loved, but then that was how the Malfoys were sometimes. Severus wouldn't look at her and she was terrified of pushing him and bearing his wrath again. Harry of course relayed all his observations to Sirius who decided to check up on his favorite cousin.

Sasha sat alone in her room trying and failing to get absorbed in a new book. She heard a stirring in the fire and turned to see her beloved Sirius poking through the embers.

"Hey you!" She said with her first smile in seven days. "I wondered when I'd hear from you again. How is the country?"

"Miserable, the women are beyond ugly." Sasha laughed. He could always make her laugh at her darkest hours. "How are you cousin?"

"I'm great."

"You don't sound great." He said suspiciously. "How are things with Severus?"

"Oh, you know Sev, he hasn't changed much." She tried to sound nonchalant.

"And you're still going right back for more aren't you?"

"Oh you want honesty. I keep thinking I won't but then I just have to have my fix. We had an argument last week though. We haven't spoken since. Are you proud of me?"

"Always but not for that. You'll go back. I never understood what you see in him. He such a mean bastard." Sirius sounded like his old schoolboy self.

"Because beneath that hard black exterior is a good heart and a tender soul, and when I can catch a rare glimpse of it, it's breathtaking." She stared far away dreamily.

"I think I should go vomit." He laughed.

"Go then." She was in no mood for teasing.

"Sash," he said using his pet name for her, "I just don't want you to get hurt again. Remember what happened last time? He almost ruined you."

"I was a child then Sirius. I can handle it now."

There was a knock at the door that made Sasha jump. "I have to go. Someone's at the door."

"Promise me you'll be careful."

"I promise, if you do."

"I promise."

"Good night Sirius."

"Good night Sash."

She answered the door and found no one there. There was a note on the floor of the hallway. She walked back into her room and opened it. She read Severus' angled script.

Dear Miss Malfoy,

I must apologize for my conduct last week. I haven't been sleeping and the lack of proper rest has affected my mood and judgment. You were right to call me out on my treatment of friends. It is at times deplorable. There are many things in my life that I regret. I cannot take them back or excuse them. I can only tell you that we are all a product of our experiences and beg you to accept my humble apology.

Severus

She wept as she read this. This was one of the rare glimpses into his heart that she could live on forever. She wanted to run to his room and throw her arms around him and tell him everything was okay and she would love him forever. But what good would that do? He would never love her back. This friendship was the best she could hope for. She decided a simple response was best. Direct and to the point, the language he understood. She sat down and penned her response and then set out to slip it under his door.

He was alone sipping his nightly brandy as he always did right before turning in. His usual one brandy had turned into two since his argument with Sasha one week ago. Tonight he was on his third, hence the letter. He wanted to take the letter back as soon as he sent it. How could he be so stupid as to leave himself completely prone for her to crush him? Once again anger and jealously had gotten he best of him and he had made a stupid mistake. Now as was the pattern he was begging like a dog for forgiveness. He felt like a pathetic excuse for a man. She would never forgive him and he would return to his life devoid of all human contact other than that which was unavoidable.

He heard the letter skidding across the floor. He ran to the door but was too late to catch the messenger. He shut the door and stared at the letter, which bore the Malfoy family crest. He didn't want to open it for once he did he knew there was no going back. He finished the last swallow of the third brandy and poured a forth. Then he picked up the letter and sat back in his wing chair by the fire and resigned himself to the inevitable. He opened the letter and read Sasha's elegant script.

My dear friend Severus,

All is forgiven.

Love,

Sasha

P.S. Meet me for breakfast tomorrow. I've missed you.

He heaved an enormous sigh of relief and threw brandy number four in the fire. He went to bed and had the best sleep he'd had in a week.

Sasha woke up at four, an hour earlier than usual. She dressed and decided to go for an extra long flight so she would have a clear head when she saw him.

Severus was up vomiting at six am. Too much brandy. He reread her letter and was relieved to see that he wasn't dreaming. He showered and tried to collect himself before he saw her.

He was shaking when he walked in to the great hall and saw her already there. It was partly because of too much brandy, partly from nerves. He hated it when someone had the upper hand and did she ever have it today. She was sure to use it too. Women always did. She looked fresh and bright and had saved him a seat. He avoided eye contact and sat down.

"I thought you might need this. Your letter smelled faintly of brandy." She handed him a large bottle of something red.

"You made me a potion?" He said cautiously wondering what was in it.

"More of a beverage really. Drink up, you'll feel better." He did. It helped.

"Sasha," he said looking down, "I'm so sorry." His voice was weak and cracked.

"Shah" she whispered softly patting his arm. "It's in the past. Everyone makes mistakes. Still friends?" Neither could look at the other.

"Yes." _She's so easy on me. Why couldn't Lily have been this forgiving? This is the kind of understanding that would be so prized in someone I loved. Instead it is wasted on someone I merely lust for. _

Sasha sensed his mind drifting far away and tried to look for safer ground. "How's my nephew doing in your class?"

Severus was relieved for the diversion. Once again she was easy on him. "Quite will actually. He's very intelligent." And so they slipped back into this familiar rhythm of work and small talk. It was safe.


	11. Chapter 10 Stargazing and Firewhiskey

CHAPTER TEN

Stargazing and Fire-whiskey

For weeks they continued to interact with formality. Neither wanted to disrupt détente. Sasha wanted so much more from him but she knew this was the best she could hope for. He was comfortable in his quiet routine of classes and strict teaching of his students. It suited him. The last thing she wanted to do was make him unhappy or worse push him away from her entirely. By default she was living this same quiet existence but she was bored with it. Too much structure and no play were making her feel like a dull girl. Karkaroff seemed bored with this dull routine as well. He suggested they have a standing date once a week-dinner or a drink, whatever fit into their schedule. She happily accepted his offer, eager for adult conversation. Severus caught wind of it and started thinking of ways to spy on them, stalker that he was.

On this night Igor showed up at her door with a blanket and a bottle fire whiskey. "I thought we could take a little walk in the forbidden forest." He said like he was up to something.

"Oh is that what the Drumstrang men call it? "Taking a walk in the forbidden forest?" She put on her Lucius voice as she said this and he laughed heartily at her.

"No but that is a good one. Maybe we should start." Severus was in the shadows listening. He didn't find it funny at all. "Get your coat and let's go."

"Igor I don't' think we should go into the forest tonight. It's chilly out. Let's go tomorrow." She knew the dragons were being delivered for the first challenge tonight.

"Sasha, I know about the dragons. Come on. Did you think that would get past me?"

"Damnit Igor! How did you know that?"

"I have sources everywhere. You have no idea." He whispered seductively into her ear. Severus fumed in the shadows.

"Your so clever Igor." Smiled genuinely at him. "I should have known. I'll get my coat but we can't be seen. If a rep from the games committee was caught with the Drumstrang Headmaster with information about the first task, well it would be the end of me."

"Not to worry. I have our spot all picked out," he said as he watched her get her coat. "All set?" She nodded. "Let's go." He grabbed her hand with familiarity and they walked quickly down the hall pushing each other playfully and laughing like two school children. Severus and his sexual frustration followed them.

Igor led her to his spot on a hill in the forest and spread out the blanket. They were just in time to see the dragons coming in and both of them marveled at the fierce fire-breathing creatures. Igor was studying them intently and considering Krum's strategy. She liked that he was a gamer, very focused on the task. She saw two large figures coming up on the dragons. "Look Igor," she put an arm around him and pulled him close so he could see where she was pointing. "You aren't the only one getting a jump on the competition."

"Ahhhh, Maxine, with the gamekeeper. I should have known. Well, we all go down together if you and I are found out." He said slowly. They watched the dragons in silence for some time and he seemed to relax a little. "Alright. I think I have my strategy together. Care for some fire whiskey?"

"Sure. Now that you have your game plan you're ready to party are you?"

"I am. Krum will succeed. I have no doubt." He cracked open the bottle, took a swig and passed it to Sasha.

"No glasses?"

"Don't put on your Malfoy airs for me little girl. I've known you too long." She eyed him with annoyance. "Oh, what? Are you going to be like one of those prissy little Beauxbattons girls? Monsieur I can not beleev zat you vould ask me to drink out ov zee bottle." He mocked in a girly voice.

She rolled her eyes and laughed. "You know just how to press my buttons Igor." She grabbed the bottle and tossed her head back as she took a drink. He eyed her throat and his mouth watered thinking of all of the buttons he would like to push. "Ugh!" she said handing him back the bottle. "What is that shit?"

"Private stock from the Drumstrang cellars." He smiled as she winced. "Take one more drink. You need to relax."

"That I do." She took the bottle back and took one more drink. He took it back and took a very long drink. "Ah look at all these stars tonight." She laid back on the blanket and sighed with a smile. Igor couldn't believe his luck. He laid back beside her and gazed at her while she gazed at the stars. He had a strategy here as well and passed her the bottle again. "Igor Karkaroff are you trying to get me drunk while we're all alone in the woods?" She took yet another drink and handed it back to him.

"I am. It's my last hope." He joked with her and wondered if she knew how serious he really was. "So what?"

"So what is your favorite constellation?" she said to change the subject.

"I've never considered it. Probably Orion."

"Ah the hunter. That's a very masculine choice. I never understood why they named the most recognizable constellation after a hunter. Shouldn't a good hunter be harder to see?"

"Good point." Conversations with her were always interesting which was good. It kept his mind off sex. He pointed to a very bright star. "Is that Sirius?"

"No, Sirius is only visible in late summer and early fall." She said with authority. "The dog star for the dog days of summer, what a perfect name for my cousin." They both chuckled at this.

"Why aren't you named after a star or constellation?"

"Actually I am. Sasha is just a nickname."

"All these years I had no idea!" He rolled over to look at her. "What is your real name?"

"Ugh, it's so cheesy. I hate it."

"Come on tell me. We're old friends."

"Cassiopeia" she said with a sigh. "And don't you dare laugh!"

"Ahhhh, the vain queen. It suits you."

"Shut up! I'm not vain." She watched as he smirked at her. "Okay well maybe a little vain."

He laughed, "Just a little but I like you that way." The dragons roared and they watched them again for a few moments. "So why doesn't everyone call you Cassiopeia?"

"HA! Now you will laugh."

"Come on. Tell me."

"Lucius had a speech impediment until he was six. How do you like that? He kept messing it up and gave me this nickname because it was easier for him to say. They changed MY name because of him." She was still annoyed by this even though she preferred her nickname.

"It's an improvement." He said with a low chuckle. "Is that your favorite then?"

"No. My favorite is Regulus, the brightest star in Leo."

"You would think he would have been in your house with that name."

"You would think." She stared up at the stars thinking of her beloved cousin Regulus Black. She barely noticed how close Igor had moved to her until he stroked her hair out of her face.

"Cassiopeia. A beautiful name for a beautiful woman." He looked deep into her eyes and wanted so badly to kiss her. He knew however that rejection would come in a matter of seconds.

"Igor, please don't." And there it was. She turned away and sat up. "I'm sorry. We shouldn't be here. You shouldn't get the wrong idea."

"I know. I know. Just don't tell me it's complicated I'm sick of hearing that." He growled this rather than speaking it.

"Are you in love with me?"

"Of course." He spat this out annoyed with the question and kissed the back of her neck.

"No you say that too fast!" She pushed him off and rolled on top of him. "I mean do you really really love me, do you obsess about me, do you feel like you will just die if you can't have me for yourself forever? Will you beg Lucius to let me marry you and kidnap me if he says no?"

He looked into her eyes like he was searching for something.

"Well will you?"

The corners of his mouth slowly curled into a wry smile. ""Can I think about that while I'm shagging you?"

"Merlin's Beard!" She shouted and smacked him hard across his chest as he laughed and tried to grab her wrists. "No good, smarmy, Drumstrang prick!" She kept hitting him but was laughing just as hard as he was. "Oh Cassiopeia, you are so beautiful." She said imitating his voice. "You are full of shit Igor! Do you know that?"

She stood up and looked for the bottle.

"Yes Cassiopeia, I do know that." She took a swig from the bottle and handed it to him. "Sit down. I won't molest you. Unless you want me to." They continued to giggle and watch the dragons that were settling down for the night. "Sasha, why do you put up with me?"

She considered this. "You remind me of Regs." Maybe her emotions were raw, maybe she was a little drunk but tears rolled from her eyes as she remembered Regs. He and Sirius were the only ones in her family that she truly felt a bond with. Regs had been like a brother. He was her protector, until he died. It was difficult to remember Regs and the way he died.

He put his arm around her and kissed her hair. "Thank you. He was my best friend. That's a wonderful compliment." They sat in silence for a long time both thinking about the brightest star in Leo. "Come Sasha, we should go back." They gathered their belongings and walked hand in hand back to the castle in silence.

Severus hung back a bit so they couldn't hear him walking behind them through the woods. He was frustrated and confused. He hadn't been able to hear well so he wasn't sure what exactly happened with the two of them. Why were men like Karkaroff and Potter always the winners with women like Lily and Sasha? Show offs, both of them, completely undeserving. He felt disgusting being reduced to spying on her like this. Things were going to have to change. He wasn't sure how, but he was not going to go on like this.


	12. Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Severus was beside himself for the next two weeks. Much like his school days he wanted to approach a girl but was so socially inept he had no clue how. He couldn't get out of his own way. It was maddening. He was dying to get her alone and seduce her. He longed to run his hands over her curves and kiss her until she fainted. To top it off he had to endure watching her with Karkaroff. He had no idea if women would consider Karkaroff suave. He had no idea what women wanted. Things happened that later made him cringe at himself.

On the day of the dragon task Sasha entered the faculty box with Igor. He had his hand on the small of her back like he was entitled to place it there. Severus couldn't believe she allowed him to do this. Then again they had been pretty cozy in the forest. They came to sit in the two seats nearest Severus he stood up to let Sasha by and then sat between them both. Igor glared at him and Severus smirked right back. He knew it was childish but couldn't stop himself. Sasha didn't seem to notice. It was chilly and she sat close to him for warmth, whispering about strategy particularly when Harry was up. "Watch this move, I taught him that." She whispered with pride. He couldn't think of anything but how close she was to him. At some point the dragon got loose and flew over the faculty box ripping through the awning. The staff was knocked about and Severus threw himself on top of Sasha to prevent her from being hurt. "My, my, people will talk Sev." She said with her silky voice. He jumped up quickly as he felt himself becoming aroused in public. He was mortified.

The following week the staff gathered in Dumbledore's office to discuss preparations for the next task and the Yule Ball. He couldn't take his eyes off her. Why did she dress like that? She wore long robes over her Gryffindor kilt that was 3 centimeters too short. Her legs were incredible, an athlete's, a thoroughbred's, set off by over-the-knee white stockings which served no purpose other than to make him crazy. Her crisp white blouse would have been beyond reproach if it wasn't just a little too tight, with one button too many undone.

She was arguing with Dumbledore and Minerva over the construction of the viewing towers in the black lake. She leaned over Dumbledore's shoulder pointing something out on the blueprints laid out on his desk. Severus craned his neck to sneak a better look down her blouse._ Lean forward. Just a little more. Right there. _ He sat there with his mouth gaping open looking right down her blouse at beautiful round breasts. He was entranced and not listening to anything being said. "Don't you think so Severus?" She was looking right at him. He was caught. Her mouth curved into a smile and she nodded slowly at him to encourage a response.

"Yes." He said cautiously. He had no idea what he had just agreed to. Mad eye must have known exactly what he was looking at for he narrowed his eyes at Snape. What was wrong with him? He was coming undone.

"Good all settled then. Drinks all round." Dumbledore insisted on these little impromptu social interactions. Snape hated them. Since the planning was finished talk turned to the students and their preparations for the ball….who had dates….who was learning to dance….who liked the Wicked Sisters. Gradually people became bored with this conversation and one by one excused themselves to retire for the evening.

"Sasha, my I walk you back to your room?" Igor offered his arm but Sasha declined holding out for Severus.

"Walk an old man back to his room Professor?" Alastar also offered but again she declined.

Eventually only Severus, Sasha and Albus remained, sipping fire whiskey by the fire.

"Severus, how are the Slytherin students progressing in their dance lessons?"

"They are not Headmaster. I'm not teaching them. As you may recall, I never dance." He said pointedly.

"Severus this is unfair to them. You will bring shame on your house if the Slytherin children are not properly prepared. You must begin tomorrow." Snape began to sputter in protest when Albus cut him off, "Sasha will help you." Sasha who had just been taking a large gulp of whiskey began to choke.

"Me? Shouldn't I be helping Minerva with the Gryffindor's? That is after all my house." She said desperately.

"Minerva's got it under control. You'll help Severus. Now if you will excuse me, it's time for my beauty sleep."

Sasha and Severus walked towards the other end of the castle in silence. After sometime Severus spoke, "I could use your help."

Sasha considered this for a moment before she replied, "I might be able to accommodate you if you are willing to trade."

"Trade?" He said apprehensively.

"Meet me tomorrow morning at 5am in the courtyard. I want 2 hours of your time and then I'll help you," she declared as she smiled.

"I don't own a quidditch broom and would never show off like you and Potter do if I did," he said wondering what she was up to.

"You won't need a broom. Just bring yourself," she said slyly.

"Sasha, you're so childish. You either help me or you don't it's really no matter to me." He dismissed her with a wave of his hand.

"Sev," she stood in front of him and took the hand he waved her off with in hers. "I would never to anything to embarrass you or endanger you. I will help you; just grant me this one indulgence first. Pleeeease. Two short hours…."

"Fine." He said and turned to walk quickly down his hallway as his black robes billowed behind him.

"Five AM-and don't be late!" She called after him. He waved his hand in acknowledgement but did not turn around. Sasha ran back to her room knowing she would never be able to sleep.

At 5:01 Snape came striding into the courtyard. "Your late." Said Sasha loving to antagonize him.

"Your lucky I'm here at all Miss Malfoy." He said while blowing on his hands for warmth. "Would you mind telling me why I'm out here freezing at this ungodly hour?"

"Come with me," she said taking his hand and pulling him along. They walked through fog and darkness down to the stables where Madame Maxine's Pegasus were housed. She pulled him into the barn and lit the stalls with her wand. "Aren't they beautiful Sev?" she sighed.

He stared at her though the mist, "Beautiful." The creatures recognized Sasha and came forward to nuzzle her hair. She pulled a carrot from her pocket and began to feed one. "So we are out this early to attend a petting zoo?" He sneered.

"Oh not quite." She said as she smiled at him. She opened the gate and began to guide the Pegasus out of the stalls. "Do you require a saddle or can you ride bareback?" she asked.

"What?" he did not like the sound of this.

"Come on Sev they're perfectly gentle. Here, I'll give you a leg up." She clasped her hands together and stooped a bit. "You are out of your mind if you think I'm getting on that animal," he said in his best snotty Potions Master voice.

"Well if you want my help this afternoon, it's part of the bargain." She stared at him with a half smile. He remained impassive. She straightened up and looked him in the eye. "I promise you won't get hurt and I'll never tell another living soul." He considered this in silence. "Do you trust me?" now there was a question she wasn't sure she wanted to hear the answer to. "Well I guess if you're afraid."

"I am not afraid," He said cutting her off.

"Great! Now put your foot in my hands and throw your leg over." He did as she requested and she was amazed at how handsome he looked on the back of the Pegasus. "Excellent! Do you feel comfortable?"

"Yes."

"Ready to ride?"

"What?"

"Yah!" she yelled and smacked the animal on it's back. It ran full speed with Snape hanging on in fear of his life. Sasha jumped on the other Pegasus and kicked it's ribs and it took off right behind it's brother. Faster and faster they ran straight towards the cliff overlooking the Black Lake. Snape pulled up hard on it's mane but the beast did not stop and jumped off the cliff spreading it's wings and coasting over the water. Sasha's mount did the same and she was soon even with him gliding over the water. She looked over at him and saw that he had a death grip on the beast. She motioned to him to hold the mane loosely and sit higher. They flew like this for sometime in the peace of the morning. After some time he began to relax and seemed to enjoy the ride. The Pegasus dipped down closer to the water, which he seemed to enjoy. She looked over once and caught him laughing deeply with delight. She guided her mount towards a nearby beach and the other one followed. They landed on the stony shoreline facing the east. "Let's give them a rest before we head back," she said as she dismounted.

They sat on a piece of driftwood and enjoyed the sunrise. "So admit it Sev, you're having fun." He looked blankly at her. She knew he was posturing and poked him in the ribs. "Come on. You're having fun." She said with a smile. One corner of his mouth betrayed him with the beginning of a smile. "See I knew it. You can't lie to me Severus Snape." His expression grew dark again. His entire life was a lie. She noticed the change in him but missed the meaning. "Don't worry my dear, I would never blow your image and tell anyone." She smiled and tossed her hair back. He caught a whiff of her perfume and enjoyed it thoroughly, closing his eyes.

"Sasha, why was my coming out this morning so important to you?" He really wanted to know this. He was always suspicious.

"I told you. You need to get out and have fun. It's healthy, especially on a morning like this." She inhaled deeply.

"Why do you care if I have fun or if I'm healthy?"

"Sev," she said with concern. She took his hand and looked at him but he couldn't meet her eyes. "You're my friend. I'll always worry about your health and want the very best for you."

He was completely overwhelmed by this. No one had ever made such a statement to him. He was very tempted to kiss her, stroke her long hair, feel her body against his. He knew he would be shot down though. She never let things go that far with better men than he. Surely she would reject him and the moment, no the friendship, would be over. He felt awkward and didn't know what to say. "I know this is a bit out of your comfort zone, but I hope it was fun for you." She said softly.

"Sasha do you remember the summer after our 5th year?"

"Vaguely"

"Remember your parents went to Africa and Sirius and Regulus had a huge party at your house?"

"Oh my goodness yes! They put up that huge disco ball and all of Hogwarts and half of Drumstrang showed up." She said laughing.

"Then Regulus and Sirius hid upstairs and smoked grass." He said with a half smile. "You were livid."

"Ugh was I ever. I remember yelling at them and they were just rolling around on the floor laughing at me."

"They were idiots. Then Lucius showed up with Narcissa."

"Oh that's right! He was trying to impress her with Malfoy Manor and the place was a wreck. Ha! Longbottom barfed on her shoes."

He laughed deeply, "I'd forgotten that part. Then the authorities showed up because they got word of underage magic. There was massive panic."

"Yes. Underage wizards scattering everywhere. You were trying to get in good with Lucius and were going to stay and help him talk his way out of it."

"But the three of you made me come with you. We flew out on broomsticks. Lucius got blamed for everything."

"Ha! He sure did. That was great." She giggled. "I didn't think you liked parties."

"I don't. But Regs and Sirus in a panic, you furious with them, Nacissa's disgusted expression, Lucius taking the fall, well it was a delightful evening."

Sasha laughed hard at this. "You are rotten Severus Snape! What made you think of that?"

"This was more fun."

Sasha was thrilled to hear this. Not wanting to say the wrong thing, she was silent for sometime. Then she couldn't resist. "I told you so."

"You were right." He said standing up. He offered a hand and pulled her up. "Don't get used to it."

They returned to the stables and put up the horses. "Sev, do you think we can go again sometime?"

"You forget Miss Malfoy that we worked out a deal. My part of the bargain is complete but there is still the matter of your payment." He was back in Potions Master mode.

"Oh yes professor," she said mocking him. "Name the time and place."

"Four o'clock in the Defense Against the Dark Arts Classroom. Don't be late."

"I won't be."

Severus turned to leave but she stopped him. "Oh Sev wait you're all windblown. Can't go to breakfast like that. People will think we took a roll in the hay." She ran her fingers through his hair to straighten it. This was too much for him. He wanted to throw her down and take her right there. H smelled her perfume on her wrists and his mouth started to water. He was seconds away from doing the first impulsive thing he'd ever done in his life that wasn't out of anger when she pulled away.

"There! Dashing as ever." She said with a smile. A horse started behind her and she turned to sooth it. "I'll see you at breakfast Sev."

He turned and walked quickly back to the dungeons. He was in desperate need of an ice cold shower.


	13. Chapter 12 Dance Fever

CHAPTER TWELVE

Dance Fever

A/N: Twilight geekness comes out again. Imagine "Flightless Bird" playing when they dance. It's the song from last scene in Twilight with Edward and Bella dancing.

Severus stood naked under the ice cold shower. He lifted his face as water ran down his throat and over his hard muscular frame. Most people couldn't stand water this cold for their morning shower but he was used to it. A lifetime of frustration led to more cold showers than he wanted to think about. His adolescence with Lily had been painful and fruitless. Now here he was again repeating this humiliating pattern with Sasha. It wasn't worth it. He didn't love her. He wanted her though. Badly.

This new sexual obsession was leaving him with a miserable self-image. Here he was thirty-four years old and reduced to taking cold showers to check his impulses like some schoolboy. It was degrading and he and his ego had had enough of it. He had to get her out of his system somehow. Cold showers weren't working anymore. Not for long anyway. He only knew one way to get rid of this feeling. To get it out of his system, he had to have her. Just once. Then he could be free of this. What was the expression the Slytherin boys used these days? Hit it and quit it. That's what he had to do. Take her once and then he could be done with the obsession, the friendship, and the burden.

With this resolved he got out of the shower and dried off. Every success he had in life came through careful preparation and planning, and this would certainly be like any other task. He stared at his expression in the mirror. Could she ever want him? Did he care if she did? Yes he did. To have her any other way would be beneath him. As he shaved he thought about how he might persuade her. What kind of man would she want? Potter, Karkaroff, and Crouch were all a similar lot. Gregarious good looking show offs. He wasn't sure he could pull that off. He was a very formal man, very structured. Sasha was the type that expressed herself very openly. She would be easily taken in by some well-placed grand gestures. This act would be no problem. He'd been playing many roles all his life.

As agreed, Sasha reported to the Dark Arts classroom to teach the Slytherins how not to humiliate themselves on the dance floor. Surprisingly, Severus seemed to have given this lesson a great deal of thought. The room had been cleared of all furniture except for benches along the side walls. The windows remained closed but candles hung all over the ceiling brining a lovely atmosphere to the room.

The students were already assembled. She glanced at him as she entered the room. "Your meeting Miss Malfoy." He said in his teacher tone of voice.

"Good afternoon. As you all well know the Yule Ball is fast approaching. I'm here to teach how not to humiliate yourselves on the dance floor." She said.

Blaise Zambini was brave enough to heckle her. "Shouldn't you go teach your own house?" A few of the other students snickered.

"No need Mr. Zambini." She walked over to eyeball and intimidate him. In order to persuade a Slytherin, you had to think like one and this was no problem for Sasha. "They've been practicing for weeks and they are quite advanced in skill. If the dance were held tonight you would all certainly be outclassed by any of them." She said in her most condescending tone.

Zambini was undeterred, "So, why should we take lessons from you though," she admired his brass in arguing with a teacher. She chose however to play upon his insecurities as she looked down her nose at him she said, "I come from a combination of the two finest pureblood wizard families in existence. If you ever want to advance your position lit life, if you ever want to be accepted into these circles, you must look like you belong or you will be shut out. The alternative is social exile. Am I right Draco?" She looked over at her nephew. He gave a half smile and nodded in agreement. He was good looking, pure of blood and well trained. He would never be shut out. "Good, join me nephew." She said extending her hand.

He stood up proudly too join Sasha. Draco was an excellent dancer as she had seen at many family events over the years on her rare returns to her home. "Draco has attended the finest cotillions in the wizarding world and is always the most elegant dancer." His chest puffed up with pride and he smirked looking exactly like his father. This endeared him to Sasha. "Professor Snape, will you please cue the music."

Severus started the music and wondered if she would remember the song. It was the song they had danced to so long ago in the balcony overlooking the Yule Ball. As her handsome nephew began a beautiful traditional pureblood waltz, she recognized the tune and became distracted. She was not focused on the dance and faltered a bit as Draco spun her around.

"Allow me," Severus said cutting in. He took Sasha in his arms and led her in the traditional opening waltz of the Yule Ball. He led her firmly and decisively all the while holding eye contact with his chocolate brown eyes. She was unnerved at being held so closely be him and could feel the blush creep up on her cheeks.

As the song ended he slowly dipped her backwards keeping one strong hand on her back while his other hand held hers and he raised it above her head. His dark hair fell forward enveloping both of their faces like the night. It felt like they were the only two people in the world. His face was an inch from hers and she could feel his warm breath on her face as he looked deeply into her eyes. She wanted to get lost in his eyes until she knew every secret behind them. "I didn't know you remembered this dance." She whispered breathlessly.

He answered he in a whisper with his beautiful voice and perfect diction, "There is so much you don't know about me." She wanted so much to be kissed by him until the rest of the world fell away.

The Slytherin studenst began to applaud and this jolted them both back to reality. He abruptly lifted her back up, let her go and they both bowed to each other, as was the custom. "And that, gentleman, is how it's done." He sneered as he strode back over to the phonograph. She smiled and rolled her eyes at his conceit. Loving every minute of it. The Slytherin boys were snickering and Sasha could tell they were quite proud of their Head of House. The Slytherin girls were looking at him dreamily with a new frame of reference. Sasha gathered herself and took on the near impossible task of finishing the class.


	14. Chapter 13 Missed Opportunities

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Missed Opportunities

_A/N: Thanks so much to all who have reviewed the story. I hope you like this next chapter. _

Sasha was as nervous as a schoolgirl before the Yule Ball. Ever since she danced with him in front of Slytherin House and he held her so seductively she hadn't thought of anything else but that very moment. "There is so much you don't know about me." Those words echoed in her mind over and over. It had been difficult to focus on anything else. He had no idea what he did to her. _Nor does he care,_ she thought.

She dressed far to early and then started to second-guess her appearance as she stood in front of the mirror. Lines had begun to form around her eyes. Lily died young and beautiful, skin still perfect. She couldn't stack up to that now and it would only get worse.

She worried that her choice of dress was over the top. It was blood red and she thought the color looked good on her. When she zipped it up it was a little difficult to breath. Minerva would criticize her for dressing too sexy in front of students. Karkaroff would leer. Too tight, too low cut, oh whatever. Would he notice? He was a man after all. Sweetness and sunshine wasn't working so why not use one of Belletrix's old tricks? _Ugh, why do I bother?_ _He'll show up late and leave early and I'll be stuck chaperoning hormone crazed teenagers_. A knock at the door startled her.

She opened the door and drew breath when she saw him. He was more handsome than ever in very expensive dress robes. His glossy black hair hung beautifully around his face and the white shirt under his dress robes set off his broad shoulders to perfection. "Good evening Sasha, I remembered how you disliked attending social occasions alone and thought you might like me to walk you to the great hall," he said very quickly like he had rehearsed it.

She noticed he was carrying a bouquet of orchids. "Are those for me?" she said smiling warmly, not believing her eyes.

"Yes." He said thrusting them into her hands. She smiled and inhaled their fragrance wondering what she had done to deserve such royal treatment.

"It's still a bit early Sev. Can I interest you in a drink? I have some wonderful Kentucky bourbon if that's still your favorite." She placed the orchids on a side table and crossed the room to a cabinet. She was trying hard to keep her voice steady but she was shaking with excitement.

"It is still my favorite." He said as he followed her into the room watching her hips and way she walked. Her walk always unnerved him and made him feel like an underage wizard. Her dark red dress was perfect for her. It complimented her hair, hugged her curves in all the right places and the color was perfect for what he had in mind. Red made her look like a harlot. _That's what I want her to look like. Does she know what I have in mind?_.

He shook himself back into focus. _Remember the plan Severus. Don't choke._ He looked around the room with a clinical eye and considered various locations in it where he might later violate her, in her bed, by the window, the rug by the fireplace. His plan was to play the gallant suitor all evening and perhaps sweeten the pot with a few cocktails. Then he would bring her back to her room to seduce her. It would be easier to get up and leave her here than it would be to kick her out of his room. Tomorrow it would be winter break, which would give them some time apart. When she returned, he just wouldn't engage with her any more. Done. Hit it and quit it.

As she pulled the bottle from the cabinet he noticed 5 bottles of bourbon on the shelf. "Stocking up Sasha?"

She laughed warmly and considered her reply. She decided to be honest and said " Well I thought if I kept a large stash of your favorite you would stop by more often." He laughed deeply and took the drink she handed him. _Is she feeding my ego?_

They couldn't toast to the past. They couldn't toast to the future. "To one of our favorite potions," he recovered. She smiled and they clinked their glasses. "So will I have the pleasure of another waltz this evening Miss Malfoy?" he said coyly.

"Isn't it bad enough that all the kids in your house are still gossiping about us? I thought you would have had enough of that and now you're willing to be seen dancing with me in front of even more people? Shocking." She said with mock disapproval.

"It's time to stop worrying about the insignificant opinions of others." He said defiantly.

"Bravo." She said with conviction. "I'm thrilled to hear it and yes you will have the pleasure of another dance if you choose to. As many as you want." _And anything else you want_ she added silently. They talked for a few moments about nothing in particular and then decided to walk to the great hall.

When they stepped out of the room he chivalrously offered his arm and she gladly took it. They walked down the hall in silence and Sasha didn't care if they ever made it to the ball. This was a perfect moment for her, on the arm of Severus Snape. She savored the moment and inhaled his scent.

Severus was pleased that so far, things were going to plan. He even had an early drink in her system before dinner, which couldn't hurt.

As they rounded the corner they happened upon Ron and Harry who were bickering excitedly. Severus ignored them but Sasha greeted them warmly. As Ron turned towards her she saw his dress robes which were at least 15 years old and laughably out of style. "Oh! Mr. Weasley." She sputtered in utter shock "What a ummm, _vintage_ wardrobe you've chosen." Severus stifled a laugh. Ron looked at her completely red-faced and ready to cry.

"You see Harry? I'm out of here. No way am I going to the ball like this." He turned to leave.

Sasha grabbed his arm. "Not yet Mr. Weasley. I think Professor Snape can help you." Severus turned and stared at her. She saw him clench his jaw tightly. "Professor Snape, I you know the spell to well, improve Mr. Weasly's wardrobe." Ron looked at Snape with a mix of hope and fear. Snape's defensive walls went up immediately.

"I'm sorry Miss Malfoy I've no idea what you're talking about." He turned on his heel and strode towards the great hall. He was angry. He had no interest in helping a friend of Potter's. Of course she would want to do that though. Anything for Potter's son. Why was she always pushing him like this?

Sasha ran after him and jumped in front of him blocking his path. "Don't give me that. You know the spell. Help him out."

"I do not. And I will not." He said flatly.

"The hell you don't!" she said adamantly. "Really Sev, Italian Robes on a teacher's salary who the hell are you kidding?"

He glared at her raising one eyebrow and did not move.

She tried another approach. "Have you forgotten what it feels like to be a poor kid in a rich school? How desperate a boy like Ron might feel having to face a room full of girls in that ridiculous outfit? Or have you just turned so cold you want everyone too feel the same pain you did?" He flinched but continued to glare. She was shaking him to his core bringing up the pain of his past when this was supposed to be a night of pleasure for him.

"Come on Sev. You have an opportunity to save someone from the same kind of nightmare you went through. Just help him out." She said softening her voice.

He pushed her out of the way and pointed his wand at Ron. "Couturis" Ron's hideous 70's relics changed into robes even more beautiful than those that Snape was wearing. "Whoa! These are wicked! Thank you Professor." But Snape was gone. Striding off to the great hall leaving Sasha and the boys alone. Sasha sighed.

"May we walk you to the hall professor?" Ron extended his arm with newfound confidence. Harry appeared on the other side and did the same. Sasha mustered a smile and thought what nice young men they were. James would have been so proud of Harry.

"Oh I'm sure I'd be the envy of every girl there, but you two go ahead. I've forgotten something in my room." She barely got the words out before her throat tightened up and she began to cry. Luckily she was already walking towards her room by then.

She made it safely around a corner before she fell apart, sobbing. Why did she do that to him? Of course it made him angry. He hated those two and here she was pushing him to do good deeds. She wanted him to have a happy life and enjoy helping others. She wanted everyone to see how innately good and honorable he really was. But it was not what he wanted. How could she be so stupid? How could she blow this opportunity of a lifetime?

She was repeating her own mistakes of years ago. In her seventh year there had been a second Yule Ball. By then, James and Lily had been an item for some time and Severus was becoming more withdrawn and more involved with his Death Eater friends. She wanted him to ask her to the ball so badly and was very careful to dress and act to please him at each tutoring session, but still he did not. Finally she could stand it no more and made the very bold move of asking him herself. She remembered his vacant expression when she posed the question. He was silent for a few moments and then responded, "I guess." He shrugged and didn't seem excited but Sasha had big plans. She would make him love her. She planned and fantasized about the perfect evening and knew he would be hers by nights end.

She couldn't talk to Lily or any of the other Gryffindor girls. She knew Lily was in love with James but was still terrified that if she became jealous and wanted him back, it would be the end of her plans. She confided in her brother's fiancée Narcissa Black who, being a Slytherin alumni was all for the match. They met in Hogsmeade so she could assist Sasha in her choice of gown.

"This dark green one is perfect. He will love you in his house colors. Suck in." As she zipped up the back Sasha had to hold in her stomach even though she was quite slender.

" I don't know Cissy. It's so formal and I can hardly breath."

"Nonsense. You can't catch a man like Severus Snape when you walk around looking like a Gryffindor Hippie. This is simple and elegant. Besides the dance is two weeks away and you've plenty of time to lose a couple." She said sounding more like Lucius every day.

"Oh, do you think that would help?" she said suddenly very unsure of herself.

"It certainly wouldn't hurt you. You can never be too rich or too thin when it comes to attracting a man." She said with authority. "This is the dress Sasha."

"Okay." Replied Sasha obediently. "If you really think he'll like it."

"He will love it Sasha. Lucius will love it too if this works out." Always Lucius. She could never stop talking about him.

The night of the Yule Ball Sasha twisted her hair into a style similar to one she'd seen Cissy wear on formal occasions. She applied her makeup with extra care and wore a very special emerald necklace her father had given her as a young girl. She dressed and surveyed the finished product in the mirror. If she ever had a chance with him, it would be tonight. She walked downstairs and waited in the Gryffindor Common room in her Slytherin dress for Severus to come to the door for her. All her friends left in small groups to head down to the great hall. "Coming Sash?" said Sirius as he and the Marauders were leaving.

"I'll be down in a moment. You go ahead."

"Alright then." He looked at her dress suspiciously before turning to go. She waited and waited and was finally alone. _He must be running a little late, maybe he's nervous._ Fifteen more minutes passed and Sasha started to have a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. The door opened and she jumped up with excitement.

"Oh Sirius, it's you." She said sitting down again with the sinking feeling starting to return.

"He's not coming Sasha." Sirius walked over to her and sat down on the couch beside her.

"What are you talking about?"

"I know you're waiting for Snape. He's not coming."

"You're lying. You're up to something. What have you and James done now?" Her face was red with anger as she stood up.

"Sasha, listen to me." He grabbed her wrists. "Look at me. Severus and Regulus left school this afternoon for winter break. He's not coming. They're gone."

"I don't believe you." She was crying now and shaking her head in disbelief.

"You know I would never lie to you. He's not coming. I'm sorry."

"Oh." Was all she could say and she sank down on the couch yet again. "Why would he do this to me Sirius? I know we're not together but this is just terrible. There must have been some awful emergency."

"No Sasha. I talked to one of Regs' buddies. They went to hang out with some Death Eaters before heading home for the holiday." He sighed hating to tell her this.

"Oh," she said looking at the floor, stoic. He handed her his hankerchef and she wiped her eyes. They were silent while she collected herself. Finally she pulled herself together. "Well Sirus, thanks for coming back here and putting me out of my misery." She stood again. "Have fun tonight, and don't worry about me. I'll just turn in early." She turned to walk up the stairs but he caught her hand.

"Hey Sash. You're not going to bed. I can't have anyone thinking my favorite cousin got stood up."

"Uh, well, isn't that exactly what happened?"

"You're coming with me and we are going to dance and have a great time and sneak some fire whiskey and you will have so much fun you'll forget all of this."

"Doubtful."

"Come on cousin. You have to. I don't have a date either." He smiled at her with his hair beautiful hair flopping about his face. "Come on. Just for a little while."

She sighed with resignation knowing he wasn't going to give up and not really caring what she did anymore. "Alright, but only because you're my favorite cousin."

"Yes!" he said and clapped his hands together. He extended his arm, "Let's party." They started out of the room.

"Hey weren't you supposed to be going with Mary McDonald?"

"She dumped me yesterday." He said nonchalantly.

"Oh how awful, the day before the dance? Why?"

"I tried to get to third base in the room of requirement."

"I thought you two were always at it. Why did that make her mad?"

"I was with Fiona at the time." He laughed hard at himself.

Sasha remembered that sad night. Sirus tried very hard to be a wonderful diversion and they both enjoyed being on a pseudo-date that didn't come with the usual hang-ups. However that night when the girls returned to their dorm, Lily was showing off her engagement ring. All the girls were screaming and hugging Lily. Sasha however remained quiet in the corner. When the excitement died down she asked softly, "Did you tell Severus?"

"Snape? Oh yes. I told him right away. We used to be good friends you know."

"I know." She choked out. "What did he say?"

"Nothing. Oh I don't know something about having to leave with Regulus Black. Who knows what goes through his mind these days." She said tossing her hair and going back to her fan club.

Sasha sunk into her bunk and pulled the covers over her head. She cried silently while all the merriment continued around her.


	15. Chapter 14 The Yule Ball

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

The Yule Ball

_A/N: This is a bit long but it is after all the Yule Ball __ Hope you enjoy and would love to hear your feedback_.

"Everything alright Miss Malfoy?" Madeye's gruff greeting jarred her back to the present. How embarrassing to be sobbing like a schoolgirl over a boy in front of a colleague. She tried to cover for herself.

"Oh yes Alastar." She sniffed while wiping her eyes. "I guess I'm just feeling a little melancholy tonight. I was remembering my last Yule Ball." She rolled her eyes in an effort to look less sad.

"The one you went to with Sirius?"

"Why yes I was…" she trailed off. "How did you know I went with Sirius that year?" she cocked her head to one side with some confusion. His mad eye always seemed to be looking at her breasts.

Alastar looked at her a bit too long and quickly licked his lips. "I was there for security. The Dark Lord was recruiting heavily and Albus was afraid he might try something during the ball. You may recall that."

"Oh, yes. I remember." His story was plausible but there was something very unsettling about Madeye. "Yes I guess I'm just missing Sirius tonight. Sorry if I seem a bit out of sorts."

"Any idea where he is now? Any contact with him?" He asked. She felt uneasy with these pointed questions. He was a respected auror and here on Dumbledore's invitation but she had a bad vibe and decided to play dumb. It couldn't hurt.

"No. Not for years. I miss him so much." She then mustered up a few more tears to make him uncomfortable so he would change the subject. That normally worked with men. Especially gruff men like him.

"I'm not as handsome as Sirius and obviously not much of a dancer," he said tapping his metal leg with his cane, "but may I escort you to the great hall Sasha?"

_From Severus to Madeye in less than 10 minutes, what a nightmare. _"I'd love it Alastar." She put on her Malfoy mask and took his arm. There was something oddly familiar about him and not in a good way. Logically she had no reason to question him but there was a nagging bad feeling she couldn't explain. She made entertaining small talk about the portrait and the architecture as they walked which he seemed to find engaging. It was a practiced art. When they arrived at the great hall Alastar went to the staff table complaining about his leg while Sasha excused herself on the premise of speaking to Draco but really to find Severus. She didn't know he was lurking in the shadows watching her as always.

Draco Malfoy looked richly dashing in the finest and latest style of dress robes. His platinum hair was slicked back and he was a younger better-looking version of her brother. Sadly, he was carrying Lucius' walking stick, which blew the whole thing. His date was clingy and looked like she was trying too hard. _Trampy social climber. Cissy will hate her. _

"You are perfection nephew!" she said as she approached the couple. "But then I would expect no less." He smiled proudly and his chest puffed up a little. "May I have a quick word with you? Family matters." She said dismissively to his date as she pulled him aside. She walked him over to a darker corner of the hall unknowingly close to Severus. "Draco, I just adore you and you look wonderful but you have got to ditch that pimp cane." She whispered conspiratorially.

"My what? It's fathers!" he protested.

"It's laughable. He carried it in school and thought it was so cool but all the girls in his year laughed about it behind his back. I'd hate to see you make the same mistake." Draco was red-faced.

"Oh." Was all he could say.

"Here love, let me stow it for you. Tell your date it's a family heirloom and I made you give it to me for safekeeping because it's so valuable.

Severus was listening to this exchange. _Typical Sasha, always interfering. Always trying to change people. Why can't she let people be? _He was still steaming.

"Thank you Aunt Sasha." He seemed to appreciate her advice. "But umm father wanted me to carry it tonight."

"Then we will both tell a lie and swear that you did. Don't worry darling, Aunt Sasha's got you covered. Here, give it to me." He handed her the cane. "There." She touched his cheek and beamed at him. "You bring pride to our family Draco and we all love you."

"I love you too Aunt Sasha." This almost made her cry. "Can I go back to my date now?"

"By all means go. Have a wonderful time." She watched him walk into the hall. He was a good boy. He just needed better guidance.

She turned towards the drapes to look for a place to stash the pimp cane and ran smack into the muscular chest of Severus Snape. He tried to push past her but she stopped him. "Sev, oh please just talk to me. I'm so sorry. Don't be angry. Please. Just not tonight."

"Don't let me interfere with your red carpet fashion segment. I'm sure everyone could benefit from your unsolicited fashion advice. It's all about appearances with you Malfoys. Ha! Here comes your boyfriend Karkaroff . He looks like he needs work!" He spoke in his most ruthless tone and went to push past her again.

Sasha grabbed his arm. "Wait."

He jerked away from her hard and she lost her balance in 4-inch heels. "Take your hands off me!" She started at hearing him raise his voice. He lowered it again and moved in an inch from her face. "You insipid little fool. What is it you want with me? Do you want me around to tell you if your hair is out of place? If your shoes match? You're so shallow I can't stand the sight of you."

"Oh Severus, stop it." She cried. Crying for what seemed like the hundredth time tonight.

"I'll make this very simple for you. Leave me alone. Is that dumbing it down enough for you? Leave me alone." He spoke slowly which made it hurt even worse. He was cutting her heart out with a spoon.

She felt like he punched her in the stomach and was speechless, her bottom lip quivering. He saw his actions reflected back to him in her pained expression and was horrified with his actions once again. He couldn't bear the sight of her. She was a reminder of all his failures and insecurities with Lily and how his temper and rash actions were yet again the ruination of him. It also reminded him that once again, he would not be getting laid tonight. He pushed by her easily this time. The fight was completely drained out of her.

She stood there biting her lip and looking at her shoes that matched her gown and thought how stupid she had been to get all dressed up for him. She was a fool to keep pushing him like she did. She looked up and was glad to see that almost everyone was already in the great hall and didn't see this last exchange.

She was about to go back to her room when Karkaroff walked silently up behind her. "Come here Sasha." He said softly. He put his arm gently around her waist and pulled her out of view into a broom closet. He was dressed in white cashmere dress robes that felt warm and beautiful against her skin. He took out a handkerchief and wiped her eyes just as Sirius had done years ago. Then he pulled her close and kissed the top of her head. "Oh Igor."

"Shhhh, Sasha. It's OK. You can tell me what happened later." He stroked her hair and gently rocked her back and forth. His large hands were rubbing her back as he continued to whisper in her ear. "Shhhhh, I'm here now. I'll take care of you Sasha. Shhhhh."

"You're such a dear friend," she sniffed.

"Then do something for me?" He said wiping her eyes again. "Dance the first waltz with me. I've regretted missing the first dance with you forever. Give me this dance, this memory of you looking beautiful in my arms tonight."

"You seem awfully serious tonight."

"I am." He said without smiling. "Dance with me. Let Snape be the jealous man for once." She looked at him with surprise. "I've always known about him Sasha. I can see it in your beautiful eyes. Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me."

He held out his hand. "Come on, don't make me tell everyone your real name." Now he was smiling, but only slightly. He was very serious tonight.

"Alright." She said, blowing her nose and trying to pull herself together yet again. He led them out of the closet but not before checking to see if anyone would see them sneaking out. Severus did, but they didn't know it. He was burning to know what they were doing in there. It wasn't long enough to violate her, or maybe it was. How would he know? He had not experience with women despite his age.

The Malfoy mask went up out of necessity as they entered the great hall. "Don't step on my feet Igor."

"I've never stepped on your feet." He always played along. They were in sync as usual. She turned to him as they stood in the doorway and smiled her most dazzling smile.

"Thank you." He bent over and kissed her hand.

"Anytime."

Severus and Madeye watched from the staff table. Severus filled up with rage. He was sure to take it out on someone.

Severus watched them enter the great hall together. Karkaroff had a possessive arm around her waist and was looking at her with his heart on his sleeve. Sasha looked radiant but detached. Her expressions as she spoke to others were lacking the usual spark behind her eyes. She looked defeated, unenthusiastic. It was in complete contradiction to her appearance half an hour ago. He had done that to her. He knew it.

The opening waltz began with the champions leading. Then other couples took the floor as well. He could see her eyes flashing around the room looking for someone. Finally she found Severus in the crowd and their eyes met. He held her gaze but forced his face to remain impassive. He clenched his jaw to hold his expression in place. Her shoulders relaxed and her lips parted. "I'm sorry." She mouthed to him. This was too much for him. He slowly closed his eyes and turned his face to the floor. His hair dropped forward shielding his face. This was his defensive posture. He was a beaten man.

When he looked up Karkaroff was leading her to the dance floor wearing the expression of a man deeply in love. They made a striking pair. Her blonde hair and dark red dress, with this olive skin and white robes. Anyone would have sworn they were in love but Severus knew better. She wore the same expression she used to with Barty Crouch Jr. during their engagement. He could do anything to her right now and her mind would still be a million miles away. She was merely going through the motions. _Probably thinking of Potter._

She could be going through the motions with him right now if he hadn't completely messed up his own plan. How he had blown it tonight. He could have cast the coutouris spell and let the issue drop. He could have accepted her apology and be holding this lovely creature in his arms right now instead of watching her with another man. But he didn't. He had treated her exactly like his father had treated his mother for years. He was verbally abusive. The realization of this was appalling and he immediately went in search of firewhiskey. Also like his father.

After the opening waltz dinner was served. Throughout they meal the stole glances at each other. They were seated at separate tables and he was relieved at this. Karkaroff was fawning over her, no worshiping her and it was making him nauseous with resentment. Sasha pushed her food around but didn't eat much. She did appear to consume quite a bit of wine.

After dinner the dancing resumed. Karkaroff didn't let go of her for a second and they danced every dance for an hour and a half. They both had amazing stamina. Severus thought about how valuable that stamina would have been if he had succeeded in his plan. He had been ready to plunge deep inside her for hours with her screaming his name beneath him. He quickly blocked this thought out of his mind and continued to drink.

The physical activity seemed to be helping her mood as her smile became her true smile and she started to relax. He watched her as always with a dour expression.

The orchestra leader announced the last song before the Weird Sisters were to take the stage. As they struck the first notes she immediately recognized the tune of the waltz they had danced to in the balcony in their 4th year. The song they danced to in front of his students. Her eyes darted all around looking for him.

He was close to the door and turned just as she did when he recognized the song. Their eyes met briefly and then he looked away. Resigned to his self-imposed solitude and headed for the bar. He was ready to hit something just thinking about another lonely cold shower. He should be having a hot shower with her about now. The thought of it started to arouse him and he quickly headed for the bar.

She felt Igor's gentle hand on her chin turning her head back to face him. "Eyes on me tonight Sasha." He pulled her close to his massive frame as they slow danced while everyone around them waltzed. She closed her eyes and put her head on his chest feeling his heartbeat and dreaming of Severus.

The dance ended without the lovely ending Severus had done when they danced. Igor kissed her hand. "Thank you my beautiful Cassiopeia." He smiled and held both of her hands as he looked into her eyes.

"If you don't' stop calling me that, I'll tell everyone your middle name is Vladimir."

"My middle name isn't Vladimir."

"Hmmm, wonder who people will believe?"

"Bahaha! He laughed heartily. "My Sasha is back." He hugged her and they both laughed. "Go sit with Madeye, he looks lonely. I'll get us some drinks and we will watch the kids dance. Firewhiskey OK?"

"And keep them coming." She laughed.

While she wasn't' thrilled with the prospect of hanging out with Alastar, he did look lonely sitting in the corner all by himself and she understood that feeling all too well. She sat down beside him.

"Your awfully quiet tonight Alastar."

He licked his lips and leered at her. _Ugh how disgusting._

"You look ravishing tonight." He said moving closer to her.

She laughed nervously, "Oh please, you'll make me blush." She said in the pert voice she normally used to charm men his age.

"I seriously doubt that. Merely complimenting you couldn't make you blush. But I bet I know what could" he said as he leaned closer still.

"Ugh! Alastar you reek of booze!" she said pushing him off.

"Really? You smell delicious." He said putting a hand on her thigh and moving up.

"Stop it!" She tried to move his hand but he was very strong for an old man.. She was no match for him. She tried to reach her wand but he caught her hand.

"Come on Sasha. There's enough of you to go around. Don't save it all for Karkaroff." He buried his face in her neck and caressed her breast with his free hand.

"Moody! You're drunk! Get OFF me!" but he kept going. His hand moved over her open neckline and slipping beneath the fabric of her dress. She'd dealt with his type before and kicked him hard between the legs.

It knocked the wind out of him and he doubled over groaning. "That will teach you. You drunk old fart." She smoothed her hair and went looking for Igor and Albus. She saw them at the bar with Severus. _Oh great, this night just gets better and better. _

Severus and Igor were glaring at each other while Albus looked on amused.

"You three!" They all turned in shock as she raised her voice in anger. "You need to get Moody the hell out of her NOW! He's wasted!"

Albus chuckled. "If we toss everyone who's had a nip tonight, the children will be unchaperoned Sasha."

"He's had more than a nip Professor! He's completely pissed." She protested.

Snape merely stood there with his usual attitude problem. Igor just laughed, "Oh Sash, let him be, he's just having fun."

"Oh he's having fun alright. He just tried to steal second base." The all looked at her. She'd forgotten none of them understood baseball. "He felt me up! Shit! Do I have to spell everything out for you people? Get him out of here now before he does that to a student!"

Karkaroff threw his glass to the ground breaking it. Severus slammed his down on the bar. She couldn't decide who looked more intimidating, Igor with passionate rage on his face or Severus with ice in his veins. Albus looked like he was making the same assessment.

"I'll take care of that scum." Igor said taking a step.

"Control your immigrant fury. You can't make a scene in front of the students. This requires a more surgical approach." Severus said coldly.

"That filthy son of a bitch will need surgery when I finish with him."

"No Igor, Severus is right. Both of you cool your tempers and take him out the back entrance and up to his room." Albus was always the voice of reason. "Don't challenge him. He's a powerful auror drunk or not."

"Not to worry Headmaster. I'll see that this gets taken care of properly." Severus said coolly. The men walked over to Moody who was now nodding off in his chair. Severus turned back and touched her arm. "Are you sure you're alright Sasha?"

"I'm okay." She said softly. He nodded and went off to slay her dragon.

'You seem to have collected a long list of admirers tonight Sasha." Albus teased.

"It's not funny Headmaster."

"Not to the gentlemen that's for sure." He said sipping his drink. "Who are you going to choose?"

"I don't have choices."

"Of course you do. People always have a choice between the easy route and the road less traveled." He said, always the philosopher.

"I choose Mad eye." She said sarcastically while rolling her eyes.

"Albus chuckled. "Humor was always your best defense Sasha. Remember though, not everyone has that gift. They must use what they are capable of."

There was a minor ruckus as Hermione and Ron were arguing on their way out the door.

"Give them a moment and then check on Ms. Granger. She looks distraught." He ordered reminding her that he was always the boss.

"Ugh, Where's Minerva? That's her problem. I've got enough of my own."

"Yes well I think Ms. Granger could use your expertise in this matter. Minerva is years removed from that advice."

"I'm afraid I'm not exactly a sage in the romance department. That should be quite obvious."

"Sometimes, you solve your own problems by helping others work through theirs." He said wisely. "Go check on her."

Sasha sighed in exhaustion and exited the hall glad to be getting one step closer to leaving. She found Hermione sitting on the steps, shoes off and sobbing. She sat down and put an arm around the young girl. "What's happened Ms. Granger?"

"Nothing. It's nothing." She sobbed trying to collect herself. Sasha was struck by how much that reminded her of herself. Putting on a brave mask, not sharing her problems.

"It doesn't sound like nothing." She coaxed.

"Oh it's Ron, it's Victor, and these stupid shoes hurt too."

Sasha laughed. "Well my dear, I think I get the general idea of it. Let me tell you they never change. The men or the shoes. The ones you want always hurt you."

Hermione managed a smile. Sasha heard footsteps behind her and saw Viktor and Igor walking up behind them.

"Mr. Krum and I would be honored if you would accompany us back to the ship for a midnight snack." He sounded so innocent when students were involved. She knew he had other plans. He looked gravely serious once again.

"Can you give us a moment Headmaster Karkaroff?"

"Certainly." He said respectfully stepping back with his young charge.

"Let's go Granger." She said conspiratorially.

"Oh, I'm so tired Professor Malfoy and are you sure this isn't against the rules?"

"Oh bother the rules. You'll be with Headmaster Karkaroff and I, very well chaperoned. It's perfectly proper."

"I know. Ron just. Oh I don't know."

"Sirius and I had an old saying when we were in school. Want to hear it?"

"Alright."

"If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with." Sasha said smiling and giving her a nudge.

Hermione managed to laugh.

"Come on. We'll have fun and stay too late and when Mr. Weasley finds out tomorrow he'll be beside himself." She smiled.

Hermione managed a half smile. "Alright then.

_A/N: Hope you liked it. Bonus points for catching the shameless Alan Rickman movie quote. _


	16. Chapter 15 Dreams vs Reality

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Dreams vs. Reality

Sasha and Igor strolled arm and arm ten paces behind Viktor and Hermione as they walked to the Drumstrang ship. He was uncharacteristically silent and Sasha knew he had something on his mind. She was afraid to ask what it was. He had been very serious all evening, very careful with her. There was little of his playful joking and good- natured teasing about shagging. They walked up the stairs leading to the deck and walked about the deck. She could hear the Drumstrang boys below laughing and chatting about the dance.

"Hermione, the view of the moon is much better from the other end of the ship." Viktor said obviously wanting to be alone with her.

"Are you coming professor?" Hermione didn't seem to want to be alone with him.

"You two go ahead. Headmaster Karkaroff and I have always been more partial to the stars." She said smiling at him. He smiled back and sat down on one of the deck chairs. When the couple was out of sight, he motioned for her to come sit beside him. She sat down next to him.

"You must be freezing Sasha. You didn't bring your cloak." He said taking off his coat and draping it over her shoulders. "Better?"

"Much." They reclined back on the chair and observed the stars.

"This is heaven. Sitting here with you. I don't have to worry about what you will think of me. You always just accepted me, good and bad." He said sounding melancholy.

"Well mostly good." She teased.

"Thank you for tonight. I know you would have preferred being with Severus but you danced with me instead. I needed a beautiful memory of tonight. There won't be many more good days ahead for me." He stared at the stars as he spoke.

"Igor stop talking like that, you're scaring me." He was scaring her and she couldn't take much more drama tonight. "Something has been different about you all night. Tell me what's wrong." She sat up and looked into his eyes while holding his hands in hers.

He hesitated and then said, "My mark is becoming clearer Sasha. The Dark Lord is coming back."

This statement took her breath away. "What? Oh no. What about Severus?"

His eyes narrowed with hurt and he pulled his hand back. "Yes, his is as well. I asked him when we were carting Madeye off." She could tell he was trying to contain his anger. He didn't want to hear about Snape tonight.

"Oh Igor," she said touching his arm, "Does it hurt?" She stroked his arm softly.

"Not really. Not physically. It's just a constant reminder that I've ruined my life and that it will soon come to an end." He said with resignation.

"Oh" she pulled him close and stroked his long hair. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to run." He set his jaw defiantly. "Go ahead and say it. I know you think I'm a coward."

"Don't be silly. There's not a cowardly bone in your body. I'm glad you're going to run. I want you to be safe." He met her eyes gratefully. "I'll help you. I have money and connections. We'll find a place to hide." She meant this. She was ready to leave everything behind after the fight with Severus.

"No Sasha." He spoke softly and put his hand on her cheek. When the time comes, I want to be as far away from you as I can be. I want you safe." He said kissing her forehead. "My Cassiopeia."

"I should never have told you that." She said smiling and stroking his arm.

"I love that you did. It's beautiful and it's a secret we share. It's special to me." He would have given anything to have her in his bed tonight. The perfect end to a perfect evening, but he knew it was not to be and didn't want to risk her leaving angry.

"Then I won't get angry when you say it any longer. As long as no one else hears you." She continued to stroke his arm and rested her head on his strong shoulder. Both of them stargazing again.

"Why did you take the mark?" She'd always wanted to know.

"I was a stupid boy. Cocky as hell. I thought I could join your pure blood aristocratic society. But no matter how hard I worked, what goals I achieved, I was always relegated to the fringes. An immigrant. An outsider. Unwelcome."

"That's a familiar story." She whispered thinking of Severus.

"Oh they knew just what to say to me. 'You can have power over those who demean you.' They didn't tell me I'd have to trade my soul. Soon it will cost me my life."

They said no more but held on to each other in the starlight forgetting that Hermione and Viktor were snogging unchaperoned at the other end of the boat. Sasha enjoyed the feel of being wrapped in strong arms and cashmere. Igor drank in the smell of her hair and the feel of her hand stroking his forearm. They nodded off under the stars into a dreamless sleep.

"Professor, wake up." Hermione was nagging her out of slumber. As she opened her eyes she saw hints of the sunrise. "We have to get back to the castle right now."

"Ahh" Karkaroff was groaning next to her. "Wake up Sash, I have to get the boys back home. It's time to shove off."

She was very groggy. Not much sleep. Too much drink. Hermione was hurrying down the gangplank in a rush to get back. Her hair was in total disarray. "Are you coming back?" she said to Igor.

"Yes, unless something happens. Don't worry, I'll be safe." He bent and kissed her softly on the lips and smiled. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas Igor."

She walked back to the castle not listening to Hermione ranting about the late hour. As they crossed the courtyard she looked at his window. There was a very dim light but he didn't appear to be up. She was worried about him after what Igor had told her. As Hermione went back to her dorm, Sasha considered the idea of going to see Severus. She would love to slip into bed with him and listen to his breathing as he slept.

Despite a very long and very cold shower, Severus was still unable to quit thinking about sex with Sasha long enough to fall asleep. He knew she was on the ship with Karkaroff doing who knows what. _To the victor go the spoils._ He took a large potions book off the shelf and tried unsuccessfully to read in bed. He couldn't focus. He imagined how her skin would feel against his, smooth and silky just like her voice. He rolled over on his side. He was so engrossed in this thought that he hadn't noticed someone was in his room until he felt them slip into bet with him.

"I want you Severus." He heard Sasha whisper in his ear as she pressed her naked body against his back and ran her hand over his instantly erect shaft. He rolled over to face her. Her mouth hungrily found his and she kissed him deeply exploring his mouth with her tongue as her hands found his hips. She pulled him firmly against her.

"Sasha" he groaned involuntarily at the pressure against his groin. He ran his fingers through her hair enjoying this liberty he had always wanted to take. She rolled on top of him and began to kiss his neck while grinding into his manhood.

"Don't run from me tonight. I'm desperate to have you just once." She whispered between kisses. He moaned beneath her coming unglued at the feel of her round backside under his hands. "Do you want me?"

"Yes." He breathed.

"Say it. I want to hear you say it."

"I want you Sasha." He rolled on top of her and began to kiss her breasts as she moaned his name.

"Do whatever you want to me Severus." He knew after years of frustration he would not last long but he had to be inside her right then. She must have known for she went immediately for his pajama bottoms. It was like she knew what he was thinking. _Finally_, he thought, as he was about to enter her at last.

The door to his room swung open with a thud. "Severus, what are you doing?" Beautiful Lily was standing there before them, her green eyes flashing with fury."

"Lily, I thought you were dead." He said pathetically.

"Obviously or you wouldn't be with that whore."

"What?" Sasha yelled still under him.

He quickly jumped off her and ran over to Lily, his pajama bottoms tented. "Lily this isn't what it looks like."

"Really Severus?" Looking at his tent. "Then what is it? You said you loved me."

"I do. I do love you. I thought you were dead."

"You said you would never love anyone but me."

"I haven't. She's just…"

"Just what?"

"She means nothing Lily. It's just sex." He stammered in desperation.

"What?" Sasha cried from behind him pulling the sheet over her naked body. "That's it? That's all? I mean nothing to you?"

He whirled around, "Sasha no. It's more than that. I care about you."

"You duplicitous bastard." Screamed Lily. "You said you loved only me."

"I do." He was crying now.

"Severus what about us?" Sasha said with her silky voice while walking over to coo into his ear. "She never loved you. She used you."

"Used him?" cried Lily indignantly.

"User." Sasha spat the word out.

"Choose Severus." Lily demanded. Severus looked back at Sasha forlornly knowing there really was no choice. He turned to face Lily and found James instead. "Good Night Snivellus" he said through gritted teeth before he punched him in the nose.

Severus awoke when the Potions book he was reading fell forward hitting him in the face. _Unbelievable, I can't event get laid in my wildest dreams_.


	17. Chapter 16 Catfight

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Catfight

_A/N: Oh, man I'm probably going to take some heat for laying into "Saint Lily" but come on, she deserves it __ Someone has to stick up for him, might as well be Sasha. Hope it doesn't offend you. _

Sasha tucked into bed exhausted but couldn't sleep after her eventful evening. . The Dark Lord was returning. What would become of Severus and Igor? She wondered if this was why Severus had been so cross. It had certainly altered Igor's mood. She was horrified at how she had scared Severus away. She was obsessing about how to fix things with him. She wanted more than anything to check in on him and beg forgiveness but she feared facing his wrath yet again, which seemed to grow worse all the time.

She remembered how she approached him after he stood her up at the Yule Ball in her 7th year. She didn't see or hear from him until they returned for the start of the January Term. He was surrounded by the soon to be Death Eater contingency of Slytherins as usual. The group walked by her and she called his name but he didn't hear her, or at least pretended not to.

"Sash, let it go. He's not worth it." Sirius tried to tell her but she didn't listen. She followed him into the hallway.

"Severus! Wait!" She finally caught up to him and still had to grab him by the arm to get his attention. "Please I just want to talk to you."

"What?" He said whirling around on her.

"What happened to you?"

"What?" he said not bothering to disguise his annoyance.

"The Yule Ball? I waited for you. What happened?" Her voice sounded like that of a small child

"Oh that." He said rolling his eyes.

She was stung by how indifferent he sounded. "Did you forget?"

"No Miss Malfoy I did not forget. I was never going. The only reason I told you I'd go is to shut you up."

"Shut me up? I don't believe you." She said shaking her head as the tears started to roll.

Something snapped inside him when he saw her tears and he began his assault. "That conceited are you?" he said with a smirk.

"No Sev, I just thought"

"Thought what?" he snapped, cutting her off.

"I just," she was stammering and crying and couldn't get the words out.

"Spit it out." He was loud and heads were turning in their direction. He had a head full of steam and there was no stopping his attack now. "Thought what? That I would be dying to go with you? That I would be grateful that _Princess Malfoy_ threw me a crumb? You spoiled little prat! You and your marauder buddies think this place rises and falls with you. Well it doesn't!" He turned to go.

"Severus, stop. Please. I thought we were friends." She sobbed.

Friends, that word set him completely over the edge and he whirled around and slammed her hard into the stone wall. Her head hit the wall and she felt the pain radiate around her skull. He had a death grip on her shoulders and was an inch from her face as he spoke slowly with venom in his voice. "Get this straight NOW! We are not friends. We never were. I don't need your friendship. I don't need anyone. I've chosen my path." He let go of her and quickly pulled up his sleeve to show her his newly acquired dark mark. She tried to scream when she saw it but no sound came out of her mouth. "Say away from me. You're a filthy little blood traitor and your entire family is ashamed of you, as they should be."

"Expelliarmis!" Came the heroic voice of Sirius Black.

"Oh that's typical." Snape turned quickly on his assailant and looked like a snake about to strike. "Afraid of a fair fight are you Black?"

"Not at all." With that Sirius tossed his wand over his shoulder and tackled Severus. Both of them fell to the ground. Severus, never one for anything muggle was unprepared to defend himself. He got off one shot to Sirius' eye and was then easily overpowered. Sirius pounded on him, bloodying his lip and nose before Regulus and Remus appeared and pulled them apart.

"You'll pay for that Black!" Snape shouted as Regulus pulled him in the direction of the Slytherin dungeons.

"Just you fucking try it Snivellus! I'll beat the dark magic out of you till your fucking mother won't recognize you!" Sirius looked like a wild man as he tried to break free from Lupin's grip to attack Snape again. It took Sasha and Lupin's full strength to get him back to the Gryffindor common room. He was swearing and spitting the entire way.

The common room was empty and Remus and Sasha spoke softly too him by the fire trying to sooth his anger. They both knew he was madder about Regulus presumably taking the mark than anything. That must have been where they were the night of the Yule Ball. Sirius blamed Snape for the fall of Regulus.

Sasha was able to conjure up some ice and the three of them sat by the fire absorbing the magnitude of what they now knew. Just as it was all starting to sink in, Lily walked in humming the same cheesy love song she always did. It reminded her of James, and Sasha was convinced she did it just to be an annoying pain in the ass.

"What happened to you Padfoot?" she chirped.

Sasha and Sirius ignored her but Remus covered for their lack of conversation. "Oh nothing, just a little scuffle with Snape."

"Oh no! Is Sev alright?"

Sasha shot her a dirty look. "No. Anything but." Tears were burning her eyes but she would not cry in front of Lily.

Sirius anger flared again at the sight of his favorite cousin in pain. "I beat the tar out of that miserable piece of crap. Exactly as he deserved." He tried to stand up but Sasha pulled him back into his seat.

"Shhhhh! Keep this on your eye." She whispered.

"Sirius Black you should be ashamed of yourself always picking on him. I should go check on him." She said with a flip of her hair. Her singsong tone was totally wrong for the gravity of the situation.

"Oh sure." Sasha smirked, "You go do that. That's exactly what he needs."

"What? What is that supposed to mean?" Lily was shocked. She was unaccustomed to being questioned or challenged.

Sasha snapped like Severus had earlier and she went for the throat. "It means your bad for him." She said looking Lily dead in the eye. "You tend his wounds. You build up his hopes. You mend his broken heart over and over so you can stamp on it again. Tell me, do you do it to feed your enormous ego or is it just sport?"

Lily raised her chin defiantly. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh save that goody goody bullshit for someone who buys it!" she hissed.

It was Lily's turn to attack. "Ha! What's the matter Sasha? Are you finding out that money can't buy everything? Your jealous that I'm his friend and that he loves me. You've always been jealous." She said with a self-satisfied grin.

"You're a cocktease!" Sasha spat out the words like they had a bad taste.

Her words hung in the air and the other three were shocked into silence. Lily looked at Sirius who met her eyes and shrugged his shoulders. He was loyal to Sasha. She then turned to Remus who quickly looked away and studied something in the fire. Then she walked upstairs.

"Looks like you just got crossed off the wedding invitation list Sash." Sirius never did know when to shut up.

"Oh hush up! Keep this on your eye."

She felt sick every time she thought of that day. Poor Severus was so devastated at the news of Lily's engagement; he had passed the point of no return. He took the dark mark. And Regulus too. It was nightmarish.

She felt bad for what she said to Lily but to this day she wouldn't take it back. Friends though they were, Sasha hated what that girl did to Sev. Seeing Lily's treatment of him when all his poor decisions were made in desperation was too much for Sasha to bear. He was so sweet and cared about her so much. He didn't deserve it. She expected him to just move on and find someone else. He couldn't, not a man like Severus. Lily could never understand that about him.


	18. Chapter 17 Christmas Morning

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Christmas Morning

She couldn't sleep and it was morning anyway so she got up to look out the window. Her room felt too quiet and too lonely. She looked at the Black Lake as Igor's ship was pulling away from shore and submerging. She worried about him making it home safely. She wanted so desperately to help him but he wouldn't hear of it.

Volemort, Igor, Severus, it was all just too much. She couldn't stand to be here holed up in her room avoiding the one person she most wanted to see, on Christmas morning no less. She wanted to be with someone who cared. She wanted to be with her family, just not Lucius. She decided right then to go see Sirius. It was risky. It was foolish. She wasn't exactly sure where he was. However staying here was out of the question. Quickly she packed a bag including some food and whiskey, grabbed her broom and headed out the door.

The air was biting cold. The temperature must have dropped 20 degrees. She mounted the broom in the courtyard and took off over the grounds without looking back. Severus watched her fly away. _Humph! Karkaroff didn't get to take her with him. Merry Christmas to me. _

She flew for about an hour to a favorite hiding spot of theirs when they were teenagers; a cave at the foothills of the mountains near the Malfoy estate. The only other person who knew about this spot was Regulus and dead men tell no tales. It would be a perfect hiding place.

She crept slowly though the entrance to the cave. It was very dark but she did not want to use her wand for light in case one of her cousin's trackers had gotten here first. She stepped further down the mouth of the cavern and saw a very faint light up ahead. Before making herself known however she wanted to be certain it was Sirius.

She heard a growl and was knocked to the ground by something inhuman. She quickly illuminated the cave with her wand and saw a familiar black dog bearing teeth at her. "Didn't have your rabies shot this year?" she quipped. The dog jumped on her chest and gave her a big dose of doggie kisses until most of her face was covered with slobber. "Yuck! Get off me!" she laughed. The dog rolled off her and as he did, transformed into Sirius Black. He laid on the floor of the cave laughing and holding his stomach.

"Ha! I scared the bloody hell out of you didn't I?" He said while not able to contain his laughter.  
"Very funny. Is that any way to greet your favorite cousin?" she said while standing and dusting herself off. "And on Christmas morning no less." She held her hand out to him and helped her up. "It's so good to see you Sirius."

"You too Sash. Come on back by the fire. It's freezing up here." He said leading her back to the light.

"How long have you been here?"

"Few months. I wandered around the streets of Hogsmeade in the early fall. The scraps were better but it got too cold." He said with a shiver.

As they came to the fire Sasha was able to get a better look at him. He looked very thin and in need of a good scrubbing. "Here," she said digging a large piece of ham and a loaf of bread from her bag. "It's not the fine hospitality worthy of a Black/Malfoy Christmas but I'm afraid it will have to do."

"It's perfect," he said tearing into the food. "So what's new at Hogwarts? I haven't heard from Harry in a while."

"He seems to be ok. You should have seen him last night at the ball. He looked so handsome all dressed up with this pretty girl on his arm. He's really turned out to be a nice young man." She smiled.

"Whom did he go with?"

"One of the Patel girls. Nice girl."

"Excellent choice I'm sure. And uh, what about you?"

"Oh I've been keeping busy with the flying lessons and tournament preparations." She answered quickly avoiding what he really wanted to know.

"That's not what I meant. Did you enjoy the ball?"

"I don't want to talk about it Sirius." She sighed.

"That bad huh?"

"Pretty bad. No it was a nightmare. Oh Sirius, I just completely blew it!" She finally admitted.

"Okay Sash, I can probably guess but tell me all about it." He sighed and leaned back on a rock to listen to Sasha's lengthy story. She confessed everything but didn't tell him about the Dark Marks.

"Ugh, you will never learn my dear! Why do you always push him like that? You know he's not a man that will put up with that." He was a little exasperated after years of hearing about all her failed attempts to woo Severus Snape.

"I don't know. He's just such a sweet man. I just want everyone else to see what I see." She gushed.

"Sweet? That git? I think I'm going to lose my Christmas breakfast."

"Shut up Sirius. If he would just let me into his life, I know I could help him."

"Merlin's Beard! He doesn't want your help. He doesn't want everyone to know he is sweet. No man does." He mocked, making quotation marks in the air when he said "sweet". "Just leave the poor bloke alone."

"I can't. He needs me."

"Ugh! You women." He waved his hand at her.

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"You're always trying to change us. Always thinking that you know best and we're lost without you. Always pushing. Always nagging."

"I'm not pushing and nagging." She said indignantly.

"Ha! I know you. You're pushing hard and nagging loudly. 'Severus, let's go flying. Talk to me Severus. Cast the spell Severus.'" He imitated her girly voice. "Ugh, no wonder he's running for the hills. I would too. It's so annoying."

"Really?" She was starting to see his point.

"Really. I bet he hasn't had a moments peace since you got to Hogwarts."

"Hmmm. I guess I have been intruding a bit. Maybe you're right."

"Of course I'm right. You women always have Savior Syndrome. You think you can save us from ourselves. Fix us. We'll we don't need or want to be fixed."

Sasha considered this in silence while Sirius continued to munch on the food she brought him. She decided he was right. She was pushing him and he obviously didn't want to be pushed. Why couldn't she see that without having to be hit over the head? "Well what do you think I should do?"

"Apologize. And I don't mean gushing and fawning and offering a bunch of excuses that he doesn't want to hear. Say you're sorry and be done with it."

"That's it?"

"Then just be a friend to him Sasha. Think about how he feels and not your own obsessions for once. Don't push him at all. Look beautiful as you always do. Be sweet to him and maybe he'll come to you. If not, move on, it's never going to happen."

"Sounds pretty passive. I don't know if I can just sit there and wait for something to happen."

"You've waited this long haven't you? You need to be passive. That's why he loved Lily. She was gentle. She let him feel like a man." His mention of Lily and Sev's preference for her stung. "You're a bull in a china shop. Always have been. An overdressed bull I might add."

"What? Overdressed?"

"You heard me. Look at your outfit. Bit much for traveling by broom wouldn't you say? Who the hell owns white leather pants?"

"I thought you always liked the way I dressed." She said a little hurt.

"I do but I'm a bit on the wild side. Snape spends his entire life trying to blend into the background. He can't go around with you and do that."

"I hadn't considered that."

"Course not. You're too busy trying to fix him. You never think you're the one with the issues. Malfoy conceit that it."

"So I should just shut up and wear beige?"

"Black would be better. Beige is a bit flashy for him."


	19. Chapter 18 Sev's Birthday

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Sev's Birthday

Sasha stayed with Sirius through New Years Day. They spent New Years Eve stargazing and drinking firewhiskey. She told him all about Igor and the Dark Mark. She also asked his opinion on Moody's strange behavior. Sirius chalked this up to him being a dirty old man but Sasha was not convinced and decided to keep on her toes as far as Moody was concerned.

Upon start of term, Severus tried to avoid Sasha. However their schedules and Dumbledore's insistence that staff ate every meal in the great hall with the students made it impossible to avoid her entirely. When he did see her, he observed that she seemed different. Gone were the short kilts and fitted blouses. She was dressed in only the most conservative robes and her hair was usually secured in place in some fashion. He missed the way she used to look, a little untamed, a little free. Her manner was different as well, she was kind but cool to him, polite but not overly friendly to staff and students and very careful and attentive with Karkaroff. It was like she was afraid he would break. She poured his coffee. She made sure he ate. She watched him attentively like a mother. Despite this attention that most men would kill for, Karkaroff became more and more withdrawn.

_He must have told her about the mark. Why isn't she that concerned about me?_ He wondered but resigned himself that it was easier if she wasn't. He was haunted by the Christmas morning dreams of Lily accusing him. How could he have even contemplated cheating on the memory of the only woman he ever loved or ever would love? He resolved to focus on the tasks at hand, the biggest being looking out for her son Harry.

On the evening of January 9th he was sitting by the fire reading and enjoying his nightly brandy. There was a knock at the door. He was surprised to see Sasha when he opened it. She was in her conservative attire with her hair pulled back, but that only made her beautiful turquoise eyes more striking and her full lips more tantalizing.

"Yes?" he said flatly.

"Severus may I please have just five minutes of your time and then I'll leave you in peace." She said in a very businesslike tone.

He raised one eyebrow looking down her nose at her. She remained silent and waited for his answer. _ No argument, this is unusual_. "Alright Miss Malfoy, make it quick. I'm very busy." He stood aside and allowed her to enter the room.

"Well, I just wanted to apologize for my abominable behavior at the Yule Ball." She paused and he said nothing, "and also for my behavior since arriving at Hogwarts." Silence again. "I've pushed you and annoyed you and made a terrible pest of myself. I'm very sorry and I won't do it again."

He was strangely disappointed to hear this. Her pestering annoyed him but now realizing that she was going to leave him alone, he was saddened. After a pause he said flatly. "Apology accepted."

She had hoped he might have apologized for his over the top reaction but he did not. "Also Igor told me about the marks." Severus turned his back to her, stunned to hear her talk about such things. "He thinks the Dark Lord is returning."

He whirled back around on her cutting her off. "He is returning. Do not doubt it."

She walked to him slowly, like she would approach a timid animal. She touched his arm softly, relieved that he didn't jerk away. "How can I help you Severus? I want you to be safe." He jerked away at hearing this. She was angry with herself for pushing yet again.

"I do not require your assistance." He hissed. She knew to back off.

"Very well. I wont' mention it again, but I'm at your disposal should you need me." He nodded, surprised and disappointed that she backed of easily. "One more thing, I've had this for a long time but now I want you to have it." She handed him a dark green box tied with a gold ribbon.

"A present?" He said in a weak voice.

"Oh it's not much. I know your not particularly sentimental but it's something I hope you'll like anyway." _Not sentimental. If she only knew._

No one had given him a present for years. Not since his last birthday present from his mother when he was ten years old.

"Go ahead, open it." He was so moved by the gesture, it didn't matter to him what it was. Someone had thought of him. "Go on."

He undid the ribbon and opened the box to find a silver frame with a picture of the two of them. They couldn't' have been older than 15. It was taken in the potions lab during class. They were hard at work on a potion. He was intently studying the brew as she gazed at him adoringly. Then they both looked at the camera. She smiled and put her arm around him leaning her chin on his shoulder. He didn't smile but looked content. His face was unlined and his features were chiseled. They were so young and full of promise.

"If you don't want it I'll understand. I won't be insulted if you want to give it back. Just don't throw it away ok?" She said touching the frame. "I've always loved this picture."

"No, I want it." He choked. "You kept this all these years?"

"Yes. Something to remember our youth and innocence, it was so brief." She sighed.

He knew he should say something more, but he was afraid his voice would crack again and he really didn't know what to say anyway. He was completely overwhelmed by her.

"Well, I guess my five minutes are up." She turned and walked towards the door. As she reached it she turned to him. "Happy Birthday Severus," she said with a demure smile. The words hit him hard. No one ever remembered his birthday. He didn't even know how she would have found out. He suddenly felt like a cad for all the filthy thoughts he'd had about her, how he'd just wanted to use her for his pleasure and all the terrible things he'd said to her. She had honorable intentions with him. He had been anything but honorable.

He knew he should beg her forgiveness and swear to be a better friend to her, but all he had the guts to say was a weak, "Thank You."

She smiled her most elegant smile that he knew was one reserved for few people. "Good Night Severus."

"Good Night Sasha."


	20. Chapter 19

HAPTER NINETEEN

Date Gone Wrong

_AN: This chapter gets very dark—hence my choice of rating. Rape warning. _

The day of the second task was cool, damp and overcast, perfectly miserable weather. It suited Snape's mood. The more he watched Sasha with Karkaroff the more disgusted he became. Karkaroff's whining had brought this on; her drab appearance, her outward display of sympathy towards him. She was so busy taking care of that pathetic man she didn't bother Severus any longer. No more flying invitations or passionate arguments to disrupt his days. It was rather boring. It was however making it easier for him to think of her in a new light. It was much easier to keep his sexual fantasies at bay when he wasn't able to see the curve of her body and long lush hair every day. He had only slipped one day when he saw her take down her hair and shake it before entering her room. Another cold shower had taken care of that though.

He watched her walk up the stairs of the platform. All buttoned up, pinned up and looking very serious. He knew she was focused on the work at hand. She always had a game face. He didn't approach her but watched as she greeted Barty and Karkaroff. At the sound of the gun, the four champions dove into the lake. Then the crowd had nothing to do but wait. Everyone around her was engaged in small talk but she was watching over the lake intently. He took the opportunity to approach her.

"Good afternoon Sasha. Lovely day for a swim don't you think?" He tried to mimic the small talk that other men made with her.

"Hello Severus. You have to admit, this challenge is an interesting concept. They aren't just competing against each other, they are working to save someone they love."

"I think it's reckless of all of you to allow it. It's bad enough that four students are competing in these dangerous tasks, but to pull in four more innocent bystanders, is unnecessary. What if they fail?" He felt this conversation going south fast but he loved the heat of his debates with her.

"The champions are strong and if fighting for someone they care about, they will not give up the fight. What person of any caliber would give up on that which they loved most?" She spoke steadily but never took her eyes off the lake.

He wondered what else she had on her mind as she spoke these words but was afraid to ask her. He decided to take a more round about approach.

"How's Karkaroff doing?" He moved closer to her and whispered.

"Not well. I'm sure you can see he's lost weight. He's very quiet. He's very worried. As am I." She whispered back. "He's not strong like you are." She added, finally looking at him.

"Yes well, you don't need to worry about me." He said now being the one very focused on the lake.

"Oh I still worry about you." She touched his arm briefly. "I just have to do it from a distance since you don't require my assistance."

The reminder of how he had pushed her away on his birthday stung him. "Touché'!"

"Ha!" She laughed briefly becoming her old self. "I wasn't going for the kill" She nudged him softly as she did with Karkaroff sometimes. "Just pointing out that I am capable of following orders. Why have you changed your mind?"

He looked at her as he considered this. Her hair was coming loose around her face and the breeze was blowing through it. Her eyes were a bloom of color on this dark day. _Merlin she is beautiful._ Was all he could think of.

"Oh don't answer that. I don't want to get in another spat with you Severus. I know you enjoy your solitude." There was sadness in her voice. "Let's just enjoy the view."

She was shutting him out now. He was not used to this. He wondered if he'd finally gone to far and if this friendship would now be lost to him as all others eventually were. It was a familiar pattern.

Fleur surfaced first, unable to complete the task. Sasha left him and went to do her duties speaking with Mme. Maxine and Fleur. Diggory and Krum surfaced. Then the crowd waited for Potter. Weasley surfaced with Fleur's sister but no Potter. Sasha appeared frantic with worry. Severus felt frantic but as usual his appearance betrayed nothing. Finally Harry surfaced and they both breathed a sigh of relief.

Dumbledore's booming voice beckoned for the judges and Sasha and Barty joined him in what appeared to be a heated discussion. Severus could hear her voice over the others and saw her shaking her head. Her cheeks were flushed and she was visibly angry. Finally she threw up her hands and walked away. Dumbledore made the announcement that Harry, for his outstanding moral fiber would be awarded second place. So that's what she was angry about. The home team crowd cheered while boos and jeers erupted from the Drumstrang contingency, Karkaroff being the loudest.

Sasha was already boarding the boat back to shore by this point and Severus hurried to catch her and find out what happened. Karkaroff was already jumping into her boat when he arrived and trying to shove off before anyone joined them. He wasn't fast enough however and Severus joined them while Karkaroff glared at him.

"Sasha! You have to do something. This is flagrant cheating!"

Sasha had none of her usual spark in her voice. "Oh quit whining Igor. What's the difference, he lost to Diggory anyway. No one ever cares who comes in second."

"Ridiculous!" He sputtered.

"Darling I know it's frustrating for you but it's easier if you just accept it. Harry is the son of Lily Evans and James Potter" She rolled her eyes at this. "Everything went their way in school so why should things be any different for him. Get used to it. I did." She sounded very bitter. Normally she was not this hard on Karkaroff.

Severus bristled at the sound of Lily and James mentioned in the same sentence, particularly by Sasha. He couldn't be silent. "You didn't seem to mind when you played on the same team."

"True." She smirked, "However sometimes we competed for the same prize. But I wouldn't expect you to notice that. Just suck it up Igor. Some things just aren't winnable when all the cards are stacked against you."

Severus was even more annoyed with her now. "I'd forgotten what a sore loser you are Sasha."

"Easily done. I don't lose often." She said dismissively with her eyes fixed on the shoreline, as they were about to dock.

"Very true Princess Malfoy." He said sarcastically, "What have you ever lost? An earring? A quiditch match? You have no idea what real loss is."

She stood to exit the boat but turned on him first. Her eyes were blazing right through him as she addressed him coldly. "I lost Regulus." She exited the boat and made her way up the hill in long strides.

Her words threw him into a tailspin. "I lost Regulus." Did she know? Did she blame him? The shame of his actions that he had tired to push away for years came crashing down on him with her words. He started to shake as the terror of her possibly knowing what he did gripped him.

Sasha decided she couldn't go back to the castle and decided to go instead to the stables. Animals were far more trustworthy than humans. She felt the guilt for Regulus' death and knew she needed time to herself.

After Severus and Regulus took their dark marks, Sasha sunk into a state of depression. Severus was permanently lost to her. Regulus, though still her loving cousin was going down a bad path, which she knew, would lead him far away from she and Sirius. She felt very hopeless that day in February when Lucius came to visit her.

"Father is not pleased with the company you're keeping Sasha. You're spending far too much time with Sirius and those blood traitor friends of his." He was wound up that day and she prepared for the onslaught she knew was to come. She looked down at the floor, always behaving like a whipped puppy under her brother's or her father's admonition. Eye contact with him was difficult.

"They are a waste of time. They're going nowhere and they have nothing. It's time you started thinking of your family. Your job is to find a proper husband."

"Oh Lucius that's completely archaic. You sound like father. You don't honestly believe this line your feeding me."

"Silence!" He slammed his fist down on the table between them and she jumped. 'You've been utterly useless to this family. Father and I will no longer tolerate this. We're arranging your marriage and you had better not blow it."

This shocked her back into fight mode, "What? What the hell? You can't do that!"

"Oh my dear we can. And you will tow the line this time or be out of this family for good."

That was it for her. She would never have Severus. She had few close friends other than Sirius. If she lost her brother and parents too, she would have nothing. She was obedient and went along with the engagement to Barty Crouch Jr.

At first she thought she could grow to love him. He was handsome and popular. His wealth was security. However he treated her poorly and as time wore on she sunk deeper and deeper into depression. She resigned herself to the inevitable and lived her life just going through the motions. The normally chatty and vivacious girl now dressed in dark death eater like robes and never smiled. She became very sarcastic and her words cut into former friends who tried to help her.

Barty Jr. on the other hand was quite happy with his lot. He boasted in the Slytherin common room about what a catch he landed and treated her like expensive property. He couldn't keep his hands off of her and didn't care who saw it. On these occasions she would concentrate very hard on pretending she was somewhere else and that it wasn't really happening to her. She started to steal sedatives from Slughorn's private stores just to get through the days. Reality was too hard to face. Barty was aware of her habit but did nothing to stop it. The more she took, the more liberties he could take with her. She always stopped him before he could attain his ultimate goal but he knew it was a matter of time.

Sasha had taken an extra dose before leaving to meet Barty that night. She thought she was developing a tolerance for them. That night all the young death eaters and their prospects were hanging around the Three Broomsticks. As she walked through the door she saw Severus and Barty sitting at a table together. Severus was brooding over his drink, not speaking while Barty drunkenly rambled on about something. Regulus and some of his friends were on the other side of the room playing darts.

She sighed as she saw that he was at a table with Severus and was glad she'd taken the extra dose. Severus watched her as she moved mechanically across the room to Barty. She greeted him quietly and he stood up to kiss her hard while slobbering all over her cheeks.

"Barty please." She said pushing him off. "Remember you're about to align yourself with the Malfoy family. We don't make spectacles of ourselves in public." She spoke to him coolly and faked a smile modeling herself after Narcissa.

"Hmm," he said while keeping a firm grip on her, "Perhaps we should go somewhere private then." He smiled with his perfect white teeth and full lips. His dark hair grazed his eyebrows and despite everything he was quite handsome. Sasha dreamily thought if he wasn't such a weasily social climber and the worst kind of death eater she might have been able to tolerate him. Still she had chosen to do her duty as mother had. Marry well and then try to change him. Hopefully she would be more successful.

"Now Barty, only three months till the wedding. If you behave yourself, I'll make it worth the wait." She whispered seductively in his ear.

"You can't put me off forever." He said looking into her vacant eyes. He completely forgot there was anyone else in the room.

"I don't want to put you off forever." She barely got the words out before he kissed her hard again. It hurt her and she squirmed away from him.

Severus was in the corner glowering at all this. She met his eyes and became immediately angry. It was all his fault. Why couldn't he love her and not Lily? Lily was so thoughtless she didn't even deserve him. Now here he was, a death eater on a lonely path of destruction. And she would never be happy again. She met his eyes. "What's you're problem Snape?"

He was stung that she called him by his last name and was so confrontational. She sounded like a marauder. It was way out of character for her.

Barty didn't like her speaking to other men. "Don't mind him Sasha. He's just had another row with that mudblood and her fiancé." He said snidely.

She looked at him more closely and noticed for the first time blood on his cheek and her heart ached to comfort him. "Oh," Her breath escaped her and she was visibly concerned as she touched his hand. He jerked it away quickly and glared at her with contempt. He looked like a cornered rabid animal. A pained expression crossed her face but only for a split second. Then her stuck-up Malfoy, drug induced mask descended and she sounded like Lucius when she spoke.

"Oh you've got it all wrong Barts. Severus doesn't need her or anyone else. He's chosen his way." She mocked. She didn't sound like herself. Purely vicious. Her eyes revealed her though. Severus knew it was all and act.

"Sasha!" She heard Igor's familiar bellow across the room. He was playing darts with Regs and motioned her over.

"Do you mind Barts?" She asked him like she was a little girl asking for candy from her Father.

"Kiss me goodbye first." He sneered still ridiculously horny after kissing her when she walked in.

_Merlin's Beard the man is one giant gland._ She thought. Severus was still sitting there silently observing. Maybe it was the drugs, or anger, or a broken heart, or a desperate attempt to make him think about her sexually, but for whatever reason she made the illogical choice that she wanted him to be jealous and feel as miserable as she did. She decided to give him a show. She turned her back on him and made the grand gesture of straddling Barty who looked pleasantly surprised. She put a hand on each cheek and kissed him deeply as he grabbed her backside and pulled her closer to him. She slowly ground into his groin until he was breathless. Then she pulled away.

"Will that tide you over my love?" She said with an evil smile.

He was breathing hard. "What happened to the Malfoy rule of no PDA?"

She laughed what Severus knew to be her fake laugh. "You know I've always been a bit of a rebel."

"Not too long Sasha." He said with one thing only on his mind.

"As you wish Mr. Crouch." She climbed off of him and turned to Severus. "Enjoy that Sev darling? I know how you like to watch." She smirked.

He made no expression but his mind was spinning. Who had she become? This war was tearing her apart too. She was turning into Bella. What a waste.

She walked over to Regs and Igor relieved to be with people who understood and cared about her. Both of their expressions were frozen in a look of disgust. They stood there in shocked silence.

"What the fuck was that?" Regs was never one to cut her any slack.

She poured herself a shot from the bottle on the table and gunned it down. "Oh come on Regs. It's the Slytherin way. Wear the mask. Manipulate. Play the game. No big deal, just like quidditch."

Igor was still in shock. "You can't possibly care about that weasel."

"He's my fiancé Igor." She said formally. "Oh course I do."

"That act might work on him cousin but I don't buy it. I can't believe they did this to you." Regs said with authority. Although he was a little younger than she, he had such a presence. She viewed him as a bit of a father figure.

"Well you'd better. And you'd better make your choice too before they marry you off to Bella and you catch Syphilis." She tried to be funny and lighten the mood.

"Bella has Syphilis?" Igor sounded a little concerned.

Sasha rolled her eyes. "Can we talk about something else?"

"You're up Sash." Regs handed her the darts.

"Does Bella really have syphilis?" Igor asked with increasing concern.

Regs narrowed his eyes and shook his head. Sasha threw her dart poorly and then started to relax. "Gee Igor, you sound pretty worried about that. Is there something you'd like to share with the rest of us?" Regs laughed first, then Sasha then Igor's booming laugh could be heard across the room. For a moment they were able to relax.

Sasha had at least two more shots as they played and her aim got worse and worse. Regs however remained on sober and aware of everything going on around them.

"Someone's snaking you Sash." He said nodding in Snape's direction.

Sasha turned to meet Sev's eyes and then turned back to her cousin and shrugged. "You know everyone says Snape only has eyes for that mudblood but he's always looking at you like that."

"Like what?" she was suddenly interested.

"Like he's watching porn." Regs quipped. Igor laughed hard and loud at this.

"Now that is funny Regs. But you're half right. He's always watching life and never jumping in." She said starting to slur her words.

"Weak genes." Igor said with certainty. "That's his problem. No zest for life! Not like me." He pulled Sasha into his arms and began to dance with her as she laughed. "No man worth his salt would stand by and watch the woman they love marry that weasel."

Sasha laughed at his swagger. "He doesn't love me and if your theory is correct neither do you Mr. Karkaroff."

He pulled her closer and whispered into her ear. "I never said I did. I'm just trying to get you in the sack."

Sasha threw her hair back and laughed but was suddenly and violently jerked out of his arms by Barty.

"Sasha my dear, we can't have you missing curfew so close to graduation." He gritted his teeth as he spoke and she knew better than to argue with him. She sobered up quickly. When she spoke it was barely above a whisper.

"Of course Barty. Regs, Igor, it was good to see you again." She barely got the words out before he was shoving her out the back door into the alley. Igor narrowed his eyes and moved to follow them but was stopped by Regs.

"Let it go my friend. It's not your fight. She can handle him. I think."

They resumed their game. Not a minute later Snape was out the same door to find the couple in the alley in the middle of stacks of empty crates and garbage cans. He stood back in the shadows to observe as always.

"I'll not let you make a fool of me Sasha!" Barty shook with anger.

"Barts, please they're old friends, Regs is my cousin."

"Shut up!" He backhanded her hard across the face. "I'll say who you associate with! That Russian prick has always wanted you, well he can't have you. You belong to me." He grabbed her and kissed her hard. She tried to push him off but he had her arms pinned.

She turned her head away from his kiss. "Barty stop, that hurts." He punched her jaw with a closed fist this time knocking her into a stack of crates. Then he grabbed his wand and cast a spell under his breath that Severus couldn't hear well enough to know what it was.

He flipped her around and bent her over the stack of crates. "You've put me off long enough you little whore." He said while ripping down her jeans. She screamed weakly. "Well no more," he began to undo his belt. "Do you think you can come in here and put on that slutty little show just to tease every man in the bar? Well here's what that will get you." Snape stood in the shadows watching, completely aroused and getting excited at the thought that he might take a turn himself when Barty was done.

"Barty, please don't." she cried desperately. He grabbed her by the hair. And slobbered into her ear.

"We do it my way tonight."

"Someone help me." She looked in Snape's direction but saw nothing and then closed her eyes bracing for what was to come. He knew he should stop it but didn't. She looked so helpless, so broken. Crouch was less than a second from violating her when someone very large pushed past Snape and tackled Crouch. The figure beat the rapist mercilessly as Sasha crawled away sobbing and trying to cover herself. Barty was finally beaten unconscious when the figure climbed off of him. It was Regulus Black. He looked down at Crouch in disgust and spit on him, then gave him one last vicious kick in the ribs as he grunted in anger.

Sasha staggered to him. "Oh Regs, I'm sorry. I was so stupid. I provoked him on purpose. We have to get out of here. When the Dark Lord finds out. You know he won't tolerate fighting in the ranks. Oh Regs."

He grabbed her firmly and was decisive as always. "Listen to me Sasha. You will not have to marry that man. Sirius and I will protect you until I can square it with your father. Do you hear me? He will never hurt you again. I'll marry you myself before I let that scum touch you again." Sasha was a wreck of tears and sobs.

"But Regs," she sniffed but couldn't speak coherently yet.

"Shhhhhh" he smoothed her hair. "Walk to the street. Look at no one. I'll follow you in a moment." She obeyed and walked down the alley. He waited until she was out of earshot.

He turned to the shadows where Severus still stood and grabbed him by the robes. Regulus towered above him and used all his strength to shove him as hard as he could into the brick wall. "Listen to me you pathetic excuse for a man. If you breathe a word of this I'll curse your cowardly ass into oblivion. You got that Snivellus?" He then threw him crashing into a pile of crates and garbage fell down on Snape's head. "You disgust me. You don't deserve her. You never did." With that Regulus turned and walked down the alley. It was the last time Snape ever saw him.

Severus was recalling this awful night while walking up the hill with Karkaroff and wondering if Sasha was thinking of it too. Regulus was right about him. He never even understood himself how he could just stand by and let that happen to Sasha. It was one of many incidents that made him hate himself and feel unworthy of anyone's attention, particularly hers, most certainly Lily's. Regulus Black was later murdered on orders of the Dark Lord, for turning on another death eater and consequently trying to leave the fold. This incident was the tipping point that turned him away from the dark ways. However Severus always felt that he died because Severus wasn't man enough to stop Barty.

"You look like you need a drink Severus. Let's walk down to the Three Broomsticks." Karkaroff knew something was on his mind. Was he thinking about that night too? How much did he know. Had Regulus told before he died?

"No thank you. I have work to do." Severus hurried off to get back to the dungeons and his brandy. He was safer alone. Everyone was.


	21. Chapter 20 Guilt

CHAPTER TWENTY

Guilt

_A/N—Bit long, but it's a rainy day. Thanks for all the reviews and encouragement. Hope you like it!_

Sasha walked slowly up the hill. Her heart was heavy thinking about Regs and her hand in his death. Her misery was compounded by the way Severus had spoken to her. He thought her shallow and superficial. He didn't take her seriously. Sirius was right.

"Sasha!" She heard Mr. Crouch behind her and respectfully waited on her boss. He was breathing hard at the effort of climbing up the hill. "I would like a word with you."

"Certainly Barty." She said softly, sadly.

"I want to thank you for your outward support of my decision today. I know you did not agree with me but you were very professional and put that aside. You represented your position well today. I know I've put you in an uncomfortable situation with your friend Karkaroff." He was very sincere as he always had been.

"Oh, he'll get over it. He has bigger things to worry about." She sighed. "You know my competitive spirit disagrees with you but I can appreciate your rationale."

"It is so important to me to reward strength of character in our young people. I failed so badly with my own son." He looked down as he spoke and Sasha felt sorry for him. Barty Jr. had caused so many people so much pain.

"Oh Barty let's not talk about that."

"Sasha I'm sorry for the pain my son caused you. I thought he was a far better person than he turned out to be. I'll carry that guilt with me forever I fear." He looked off into the distance at the castle in the mist.

Sasha was moved and put her hand on his shoulder. "It's in the past Barty. I don't hold you responsible for your son's actions. You've been nothing but good to me. I certainly wouldn't want to be judged by some of the things Lucuis has done. But we can't live their lives for them can we?"

"You're a good girl Sasha. I wish Barty Jr. had been a better man for you. I would have liked to have you as a daughter in law. You deserve to find happiness after what you've been through. I hope you find it one day." His eyes watered as he spoke to her. She was struck by how old he suddenly looked.

"I will someday." She reassured him even though she didn't truly believe it herself.

"Ah! I see Harry. Let me catch up with him before I go." He walked ahead quickly to catch Harry who was shivering under a blanket as he walked with Hermione.  
"What's that old man rambling about?" She was startled as usual by Moody's brusque voice. She felt like he was always sneaking up on her.

"Oh be nice Alistar. Poor Barty's had a rough time since what happened to Barty Jr." She tried to speak softly to calm this beast of a man.

"Heartless Bastard! Sending his own son to Askaban!"

She was shocked at his response. "What's the matter with you? You're an auror! You caught him yourself! Since when do you have any sympathy for that weasel of a Death Eater?"

"Weasel? He was your fiancé."

"Not by choice. Didn't we already have this conversation once?"

"Ay you women are heartless creatures." He muttered as he limped away from her.

Sasha thought about this conversation as she walked to the stables. Alistar was different. She couldn't understand why a man renowned as the most courageous and dedicated auror would be defending someone like Barty. Maybe Sirius was right; he wasn't aging well and becoming mad as a hatter to boot.

When she reached the stables a new wave of sadness came over her. She hadn't been out here since the morning she and Severus went flying together. The Pegasus remembered her and the black one that he rode that morning came over to nuzzle her. It reminded her of Severus and she imagined what it would be like to stroke his beautiful dark hair and feel his face so close to hers. _To bad he's never this happy to see me. Maybe I should carry sugar cubes in my pocket. _

Her head and her heart were so full of turmoil and she had to get it out. She used her nervous energy to clean out the stables. Hagrid had obviously been neglecting them. Too much time preening for Maxine she guessed. There was much to be done and she swept and tidied up until well after dark before she finally decided to make her way back to the castle. She had missed dinner, which was fine by her. She didn't want to see Severus or Igor or Barty or anyone else who reminded her of that fateful night and her sins.

Severus was on his third brandy on an empty stomach after skipping lunch and dinner. He was well on his way to forgetting the afternoon events and the horrible memories they dredged up. His binge was interrupted by a knock at the door. It was McGonnagal. "Severus, oh heavens have you been drinking? That smell."

"What is it Minerva I'm very busy?" He said completely annoyed with her.

"Yes, I can see that. Barty has been murdered." She whispered.

"On the grounds of Hogwarts?" He jerked himself sober and ready to spring into action. "Have the grounds been secured?"

"Yes, we're working on that now."

"Who found the body?"

"Potter, he was in the woods with Hargid."

"Of course. Why am I not surprised."? He smirked more belligerently than usual.

"Go check on the Slytherin students and then Dumbledore wants us all in his office. I assume Sasha is with you, bring her as well." She turned to go.

"Why do you assume she's with me?"

"What? You mean she's not? No one can find her. We assumed you were together." She sounded very worried.

"Did you check with Karkaroff?" He was suddenly frantic.

"Yes, he thought she would be with you."

"I haven't seen her since this afternoon. She was walking around the grounds away from the castle. You don't think she's…" His voice trailed off as he considered the possibility that her body could also be in the woods.

"You go to Dumbledore's office straight away and tell him everything you know. I'll check on Slytherin House."

He ran through the corridors, his black robes billowing behind him. Once again he had put her in danger. It was his fault that she was traipsing around the grounds instead of walking back to the castle with him. He was out of breath as he said the password to Dumbledore's office and burst in to find him there with Karkaroff, Moody, Hagrid and a few other teachers. "Where is Sasha?" He demanded.

"Do come in Severus. We were hoping you knew the answer to that question." Dumbledore said coolly.

He was still out of breath as he spoke. "I haven't seen her since we left the lake. Igor, did you see her?"

"No I haven't Snape." He spat the words out. "If anything happens to her," he took a step forward as Moody stepped between them.

Hagrid met Sasha at the castle gates. "Oi Professor Malfoy! Thank heavens you're alright. We've been looking all over for you." He was breathing hard and obviously relieved to see her.

"Why? I was just out in the stables. What's wrong?"

"You shouldn't be walking around by yourself. It's not safe out there. No one knew where you were. Everyone's been worried sick. Better get to Dumbledore's office straight away." He tried to shoo her away.

"Oh you're being silly. Hogwarts is the safest place in the world. What's the matter with you Hagrid?" She laughed as she spoke to this silly man.

"Barty Crouch was murdered today." He said solemnly.

"What? That's impossible. Here? By who?" She was shocked that her boss whom she just spoken with hours ago was now gone. Surely this had to be a mistake.

"No one knows for sure. The body was in the woods." He lowered his voice and spoke gravely.

"Killing curse?"

"Yes. Now get up to Dumbledore's office. Everyone's worried sick about you. Professor Snape is organizing search parties."

"Search parties? Oh, good heavens." She ran as fast as she could to the Headmasters office. "Go Irish!" she shouted the password and the door to his office flung open. She saw Severus first, standing by the fireplace looking very grave. When he saw her his face dissolved with relief. He took two steps toward her but Karkaroff jumped between them.

"Sasha! Oh my Sasha!" He hugged her in his big arms and lifted her off the floor, overwhelmed with joy.

"I'm fine Igor. Put me down." She was irritated that he interrupted her reunion with Severus.

"I was so worried about you." He put her down but didn't release her.

"I told you I'm fine. I was just in the stables."

"Stables aye?" Mad eye limped over to them with his mad eye swirling about. "Anyone see you?"

"Just the horses. Why do you ask?"

"There's been a murder. Everyone must account for his or her whereabouts. Barty's death put you in like for a promotion doesn't it?" He licked his lips. There was something indecent about him.

"What? You're suggesting that I had something to do with this? Go check the stables if you want proof. They're immaculate. Hell of a lot better than they way Hagrid's been keeping it."

"You're out of line Moody." Severus was coming to her rescue. He towered over Moody and looked rather imposing.

"And where were you Snape? I don't recall seeing you after the lake." Moody accused him rather than asked.

"Can anyone vouch for YOUR whereabouts Mad-eye?" Igor was jumping in now.

"Oh, two dark wizards taking up for each other." Moody spat at them. Snape's reaction was uncharacteristically ferocious at being referred to as a dark wizard. He quickly drew his wand, as did Igor and Moody but Dumbledore jumped between them.

"That's enough! I'll not have all this infighting. It doesn't solve anything." He was eyeball to eyeball with Moody until the auror limped away. "Put away your wand this instant Severus. Sasha come over here and tell me everything you remember from this afternoon." She obeyed and they walked over to his desk for some privacy.

Igor and Severus walked over to the fire presumably to conspire about Moody. Both were tense and angry. "Sasha shouldn't be alone tonight." Igor kept his voice low.

"Why don't you make yourself useful and walk her to her room?"  
"Why don't you?" Snape sneered back at him. He would love to have time with her but was loathe to have Karkaroff know it.

"Because I have to get back to my ship. Besides, you owe her an apology for today."

"What? How dare you tell me to apologize." Snape was visibly agitated.

Karkaroff was accustomed to mind games. He leaned on the mantle and shrugged, appearing to relax. "Look at her. Go on look. She's scared." Severus looked at her. Her hands were shaking as she spoke to Dumbledore. She looked frail. "She's always looking after everyone else. Tonight she needs someone to look after her. But you do what you want. If you won't stay with her, I'll take her back to my ship for the night. I know just how to comfort her." He bared his teeth like a wolf and Severus was disgusted at the thought of her spending the night with this filthy immigrant.

"I doubt she needs your primitive brand of comfort. I'll escort Miss Malfoy back to her quarters." He said putting on his condescending potions master tone. Karkaroff smirked and Severus got the idea that he'd just been masterfully manipulated.

Karkaroff confidently crossed the room to her and boldly kissed her forehead. "Good night my dear. I have to get back to my students." He looked back over his shoulder at Snape. "Severus will walk you back to your quarters."

"All right then. Thank you Igor." She smiled up at him.

"I'm glad your safe. Good night."

Severus waited until she was finished with Dumbledore and then offered to walk her back to her room. They walked in silence, neither sure of what to say to the other. When they reached the door to her room she didn't want him to leave. "Sev, will you come in for a drink."

He knew this was dangerous territory but he didn't want to be away from her. "Are you certain you want me to?"

"Yes, I just need to talk to someone I trust. You're at the top of that very short list." He did not respond, still contemplating. "Look, I'm sorry I flew off the handle today. I know you were just teasing me. I'm just so worried about what I think is coming and I keep thinking about how Regs died. I'm scared of losing anyone else. I guess I just cracked." He understood her feelings all too well. He frequently snapped at people when their actions had nothing to do with why he was so bitter. She entered her room and he followed her. She took down his favorite libation and poured two drinks. He took a sip. She gulped hers down and poured another quickly. He felt sad for her as he watched this feeble attempt to cope. He walked over to the fireplace and lit it with a flick of his wand. She strolled over to be closer to him but brought the bottle with her.

"May I ask you something a bit personal?" His question surprised her. He rarely asked anything about her. Normally it was the other way around.

"Sure."

"Why are you always apologizing for yourself? You say you're sorry for everything, even things that aren't your fault. Like today. Why couldn't you just say 'Damnit Severus, you're out of line.' You would argue to the death over quidditch or something trivial like the task today, but when it's something personal, you always cave in."

She was surprised at being identified so correctly and had to think about her response. "Not always. Ask Sirius or Igor. We've had some legendary arguments that I've never apologized for."

"That hasn't been my experience with you. Why are you so different with me?" He was not sure he wanted to hear the answer to that. People always seemed to treat him differently. He felt it was because there was something wrong with him.

"Because your friendship is important to me. I want it to survive." She looked down as she spoke. "Because you're like father, Lucius and so many others in my family. Once you're out, you're out for good. I apologize because I know you never will. I don't want to lose you. It was the only way to survive in my family. If you don't bend, they break you. Sirius, Igor and even Regs, they were different. When they love you, they can forgive you and you never even had to ask for it."

He was hurt to be excluded from the list. "You think I would cast you off so easily?"

She smirked a bit. "Wouldn't you? You seem to swat me away like a pesky mosquito on a daily basis. Not that I don't deserve it." She finished her second drink and poured another.

"That's how you see me? Cold and uncaring?" He spoke slowly. He'd spent his life pushing everyone away, but the realization of this now with her, was disturbing.

"Well, towards me anyway. I know you must have some people you care about. I know you would never have treated Lily that way. She sat down on the couch opposite the fireplace and watched the flames.

"You presume to know quite a bit about me." He walked over to the couch and sat beside her.

She smiled at him, relieved that he hadn't left yet. "I study you very carefully."

He viewed her with suspicion. "And what do you see?"

"A potions genius, a brave spy," a broken heart she added silently, "my hero." She broke into a broad smile and he gave a low laugh.

"Perhaps you should have your eyes checked."

"Not at all. You are a hero. I'm just one of the only ones who know it. I don't say that lightly you know. I haven't known many heroes in my lifetime. Regs was my childhood hero." She looked at her glass and smirked, "Look how I rewarded him, by causing his death. Perhaps you should cast me off, it would be safer for you."

"Don't be overly dramatic Sasha. He was in over his head. We all were."

"No," she said shaking her head, "I put myself into a situation that he had to save me from. I was so young and stupid. I thought I was invincible."

"Sasha don't do this to yourself."

"No, I want to tell you everything. Confession is good for the soul." The words wouldn't stop coming now.  
"At least stop drinking." He moved to take the glass from her but she held it above her head out of reach.

"I can't face it sober. It's so shameful. That night when we were all at the Three Broomsticks,"

"I don't want to hear it." He cut her off.

"Then get out! You can't save me from this hell. Quite the contrary, you're the cause of it." The drink was getting the better of her, as she hadn't ever wanted to say that.

Sev's mind was spinning. She knew. She had to know. She knew what he did. How he stood there and let Barty almost rape her, how he watched like a pervert and let all just happen. All this talk about heroes had been pure sarcasm. She was goading him.

"Just go! Just get out of here. I know you don't want to be here. I know Igor guilted you into coming. I'm poison. I'll only bring you down." She pulled her knees into her chest and rested her head on them, hiding her face. He turned to go and was halfway across the room when something stopped him. He wanted to be the hero. He wanted her to see him that way. He walked back to the couch and sat down. He took a deep breath and put his arms around her and pulled her close to him. She was warm and smelled wonderful. He loved the feeling he always got when he was so close to her.

"Tell me everything." He said softly, "I promise I won't cast you off like your father. I can take it. Give me that." He said taking the drink away from her and setting it on a table.

Her head was on his chest and she could hear his heart beating beneath his robes. She looked at the floor avoiding his eyes and not wanting to move her head away from the part of him that she wanted most. He took her hands in his and lowered his head so that she had to look at him. "Deep Breath." He said softly like he was speaking to a child. She obeyed. "Now tell me everything."

"It's so awful." She turned her eyes back to the safety of the floor.

"I can take it. I thought you said I was your hero." He put hand under her chin and raised her gaze to him again. It was so tempting to kiss her.

"You are."

"Out with it." He whispered. Truthfully he was as scared to hear her story, as she was to tell it.

"I don't know where to start."

She was struggling. He wanted to be the hero she imagined him to be. So he took charge of the conversation. "Why am I the cause of it?" He knew the answer; he wondered how hard she would be on him. It didn't matter. He had to face it.

"I was angry with you."

"Why?"

"For standing me up, for taking the mark, because Regs took it with you, for giving Sirius a black eye." _For loving Lily and not me, _she couldn't verbalize the real reason. "I wanted to make you jealous I suppose. Like that would be possible. Isn't that silly? Remember I put on quite a show for you with Barty that night."

"I remember." He swallowed hard as he recalled this and tried hard to keep his hands from shaking.

"I was a wreck. I'd lost two people I cared about. Father arranged this sham of a marriage for me. Lily and I had a big falling out. I don't know if you knew that or not." She smirked remembering their argument.

"I didn't know that. What about?"

"Something hopeless. It didn't matter." She lied. It mattered very much to her. It was everything.

"I was having trouble just getting through the days. I couldn't stand my own reflection in the mirror. I started taking pills and drinking too much. I took an extra dose that night. After my little show, I hung out with Igor and Regs. It was the first time I'd had fun in ages. Igor and I were doing our usual meaningless flirtations. I should have left school and run away with him. He would have done that for me. Then maybe all these horrible things wouldn't have happened."

"You're stalling Sasha." He said with authority.

"Anyway, you remember, I was behaving recklessly. I failed to consider how my behavior would affect Barty. He was supposed to be my pawn in this, but he turned on me. He got very angry when he saw me with Igor, and he was already aroused after my earlier, umm, performance." She was embarrassed to recount her foolish actions to the man she most wanted to think highly of her. Lily would never have done anything so stupid.

Severus sat in silence not betraying that he had replayed what was about to come in his mind hundreds of times. It was one of his deepest regrets.

"He grabbed me and shoved me into the alley. He was livid. I wasn't behaving like someone's fiancé. He beat me. I can still feel his fist on my chin" She touched her face and her eyes were a million miles away. "He called me a whore. He said that we were going to do it his way."

Severus was overcome hearing this story come from her lips. "I'm so sorry Sasha."

"He must have seen Regs coming. He cast the Confoundus Noir spell towards the door and then he bent me over these dirty crates right there in the alley."

"Confoundus Noir?" Severus froze.

"Yes," she was surprised he interrupted her with such a trivial item at this point in her story. "It's dark magic. It not only confuses the victim like the confoundus spell but it leads your mind to dark places. People become disoriented and commit seemingly random crimes. Later they can't explain why. It's sort of like the Imperious Curse but the perpetrator has less control over the victim's actions."

"I know the spell." He cut her off. Could this be possible? His failure to stop Crouch, his disgusting thoughts of violating her himself, all due to a hex. He put his head down in his hands as relief swept over him. She had erased his guilt.

"Oh, silly of me. Of course you do." She thought he must me disgusted by her tale and looking for ways to change the subject. She remained silent, watching him rub his head like it hurt. "Are you alright? I'm afraid this story isn't fit for mixed company."

"No," he looked back at her quickly trying to recover his hero status. "I want to hear everything. What happened next?' He was becoming even more relieved as it became apparent that Regulus hadn't told her he was there.

"I never knew if Regs blocked the curse or if Barty just missed. But Regs came charging in like a bull."

Severus continued to ponder Barty's choice of curse. He could have chosen to disarm or disable his attacker but he chose the Confoundus Noir. It could only mean that he wanted her humiliation to continue with others even after he was through with her. That explained everything. "Sasha, do you realize why he chose that particular curse? Do you know what he wanted to happen?"

She kept her eyes on the floor. "I have an idea, but it's unspeakable."

"Then you are correct I'm sure. Did you ask Regulus about it?"

"No, it was so vile I couldn't even talk to him about it. I've never talked to anyone about it before. Not even Sirius. He knows, but just what Regs told him. Not all the sordid details."

"All your secrets are safe with me." He said as he took both her hands back into his own.

"I know they are."

"However listen to me Sasha. No more blaming yourself. These are Barty's crimes and the Dark Lord's not yours."

"Guilt is a hard habit to break. Ever try to kick the habit yourself?" She desperately wanted the focus off of her.

Severus assumed an uncharacteristically casual posture as he leaned back on the arm of the couch and threw one leg up on the table next to them. He was emotionally exhausted and she was continuing to push as always. He squinted at the ceiling and rubbed his forehead. "It's different Sasha."

"Not really. You blame yourself for Lily but Voldemort killed her."

"I told him about the prophecy."

"Yes, but you didn't know it was about her and you certainly didn't know what he would do."

"I should have."

"And they were hidden anyway. If you want to blame someone, blame Wormtail."

"You don't understand." He growled, the tension returning quickly to his body.

"Really? I don't understand? I don't understand what it's like to do something foolish with dreadful consequences and then blame yourself for the next 15 years? Have you not been listening? No Severus, I understand you perfectly. I feel the same pain. You were right. We both have to let it go." He immediately relaxed again. He felt so safe with her. She didn't judge him. The tremendous weight of her attack and Regulus' death was lifting off his shoulders. He looked at her with gratitude. "So, shall we resolve to kick the habit together?" Her voice was returning to normal.

He have a low chuckle, "You make this sound like we're going to quit smoking or biting our nails."

She smiled the elegant and genuine smile he loved, "Both of which are easier with a buddy." She held out her hand. He took it and enjoyed the warmth and softness of her skin wondering about the rest of her. He felt a sudden urge to pull her on top of him and kiss her endlessly. However, given the evenings subject matter thought better of it.

"Alright then."

"Excellent." She looked exuberant, like Gryffindor won the house cup.

"It's late Sasha. I'm sure we will have some exhausting days before us. Will you be alright alone?" _ Say no, say no._

"Yes, I'll be out before my head hits the pillow. Thanks Sev."

"Good night." He kissed her quickly on the forehead and rushed out the door. Time for a cold shower.


	22. Chapter 21 Tea and Comfort

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Tea and Comfort

Severus lay down on his bed that night and was able to sleep immediately. This was uncommon for him. Tonight he felt lighter. There was one less thing to regret in his life now. He hadn't been too cowardly to stop Barty. He had been cursed. He felt better about himself. Sasha was so good for him. Karkaroff was right, she was always taking care of others. He wondered exactly how she was taking care of Karkaroff.

Their relationship was always more reciprocal than her relationship with Severus. He was sure from the way Karkaroff looked at her that there was more going on than friendship and wondered what it might be like to be in a romance with her, to have her make love to him every night, to wake up to her smile every morning.

He remembered watching them at breakfast the week before as she poured his coffee. They were the only two people that drank coffee and so they shared a pot each day. She would touch his back discretely as she urged him to eat and he would give her that lovesick look and speak softly to her. Sometimes she would laugh softly and gently at something he said and his eyes would light up making him look instantly ten years younger.

Severus was mesmerized by these small interactions. It looked effortless between them, sublime. He envied being able to converse with her without arguing or worrying about protecting his secrets or his persona. He wanted to have someone to pour his tea as she did for her Russian lover. Just a small kindness, that's all.

He looked down at his empty cup. To his surprise, it was being filled. He saw a delicate hand attached to a lovely arm. He looked up to see the beautiful face of Lily. "Lily." His voice cracked and as usual he was overcome with emotion when he saw her.

"Forgetting about me Severus?" Her voice sounded so sad.

"No, never, I love you Lily." There was the usual desperation in his voice. He'd been pleading with her his whole life.

"But you're forgetting me." She accused him.

"I couldn't possibly forget about you." His heart ached at the very idea of it.

"Ha, I see how you are with her. She doesn't want you to feel guilty about the past? May I remind you that you killed James and I the same as if you had cast the spell yourself. You have our blood on you're hands and it will never wash off." She hissed at him like a snake.

"Lilly, no. I know it was my fault. I never forget that. I'll spend my life trying to make up for it." He tried to hold her hands but she pulled away from him.

"How? By protecting Harry? He wouldn't need protection if it weren't for you. You made him an orphan. My son, and look what you did." Her eyes were pained as she accused him.

"I'm so sorry Lily. Please forgive me. I'll never stop trying to make it up to you. I'll never let go of your memory." He pleaded with her.

"I'm slipping away from your memory."

"No."

"It's true. Can you even remember the exact color of my eyes?"

"Yes. I'm entirely focused on you." He was adamant.

"You owe me this Severus."

As she spoke Sasha was strolling out of the great hall with Karkaroff. _No she can't leave with him. Not him._ He was so much taller than she, and imposing. He would break her if she stayed with him. He was a doomed man and she following him willingly. The Dark Lord would surely kill them both. She stopped in front of him. "Are you coming Severus?"

"I can't Sasha. It's not right." He blinked back tears and felt his throat closing.

"Please Severus, I need you too. You promised we would go forward together."

"My place is here Sasha. This is who I am." As he spoke another figure came up behind her. The specter of Regulus Black spoke with authority to his beloved cousin.

"Go now Sasha. It's time." She looked desperately at Severus as Karkaroff gently pulled her away. Regulus stood between them and bent down until he was eyeball to eyeball with Snape. "I was right about you. You are a coward. 15 years later and you still don't deserve her." He slowly turned his head to Lily, "Or her." With that he hastened away to Sasha and Karkaroff. These powerful men walked on either side of her with protective hands on her back. She looked forlornly back at him as the door to the great hall slammed shut.

Severus awakened to the sound of his window blowing open. It was storming outside. He rose from his bed to shut it and as he did knew he would be facing another sleepless night after all. He sat down on the seat by the window and put his head in his hands. _What am I doing?_

Sasha was away from Hogwarts for several weeks after Barty's death. There were many inquiries at the ministry. There was much debate about whether to continue the contest and how to ensure safety of the champions. There was Barty's funeral to plan. He had no immediate family living and so that duty fell to Sasha. She was glad to have so much work to occupy her mind. It took her mind off Regulus, Dark Marks and Igor. Severus however was never far from her thoughts as always.

She missed him. She needed to seem him. Despite their contentious relationship, she drew strength from him. She dreamed of getting him away from Hogwarts. Perhaps he would be different if everything around him didn't remind him of the past, of Lily. As soon as Barty's arrangements were set, she sent him an owl asking him to come to London for them memorial service. She received his brusque response within the day.

Miss Malfoy,

I'm sure you understand that I cannot leave my students even for a short time after these recent events.

Professor Snape

She felt physically ill as she read his response. She guessed he was back to his old patterns of behavior. His cold formality was evidence of that. She began to wonder if she had dreamed their conversation, imagined their closeness. She should be used to this by now but it killed her every time.

She had already foolishly made reservations for the two of them at a romantic bistro for after the funeral. _What a childish little schoolgirl I am._ _What was I thinking?_

Lucius attended the service and afterward Sasha invited him to dinner. He gladly accepted. They conversed on safe subjects. She asked about Cissy and reported good news to him about Draco's academic achievements. She also ribbed him a bit about the pimp cane incident at the Yule Ball. "You must be joking. Women love this!" He said with mock seriousness. They both had a laugh and for a moment, felt like their younger selves. They were just a brother and sister enjoying their evening out together.

Finally she had to ask, "Is your mark burning?"

He gave a long sigh. "It's becoming clearer. I can't say it's burning. Been talking to Karkaroff and Snape have you?"

"Yes. Oh Lucius what are you going to do?"

"What do you think? I'm going to fight with him. He would destroy our family if I don't. He may do it anyway. I made a commitment to him. There are no options for me. I will serve him, that is if he doesn't kill me first."

"What can I do to help?"

"Nothing. Say off his radar lest you be drawn in as well."

"I'd never be drawn in by him." She said dismissively waving her hand.

"You may not have a choice. He could easily use you to manipulate me, or Karkaroff," he paused looking at her and judging her reactions "or Severus."

"Ha, not Severus." She snorted while rolling her eyes.

"No? I think you're wrong. Draco tells me the consensus in Slytherin house is that he's quite obsessed with you." He raised his eyebrows and prepared to analyze her reaction.

"Bahaha! That's a laugh. So you're getting your news reports from hormone crazed teenagers?" She couldn't stop laughing.

"I think he's always been interested in you Sasha. Just not the way you wanted" He was very serious as he leaned back in his chair and lit a cigar. "It's a classic Madonna/Whore complex."

She stopped laughing. "I know you did not just call me a whore."

He smirked, enjoying her banter. "Not my dear sister. I'm sure your virtue is still sadly, intact. Perhaps I should say good girl/bad girl."

"And I'm the bad girl?"

"Not really, its just in his mind. He thinks Lily was good for him; girl next door, demure, safe, common place in my opinion, boring. You on the other hand; you're a thoroughbred, beautiful, good bloodline, full of fire and passion, dangerous and hence exciting. You're more like Bella and Narcissa."

"Please," she held up a hand to silence him. "Do not compare me to Bella.

"Men are like children, they know they should eat a nutritious meal first but they desperately want chocolate first. You three are chocolate."

"Are you drunk?" She threw her napkin, which hit him in the face.

It was his turn to laugh and he threw his head back while sending up puffs of smoke. "Certainly not. I'm just telling you the way it is."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that you must very careful that you don't become the Dark Lord's pawn that he can used against those who care about you. Those _you_ care about."

"Thank you Lucius. I will be careful."

"Good. So what is Snape going to do? I'm sure Karkaroff will scurry away. Is Snape going with him?" Sasha felt like he was fishing and decided the time to start being careful was right then. She loved her brother, but he was now the enemy.

"I have no idea what they're doing. Karkaroff refuses to speak of it and Severus, well you know him. He never shares anything personal." It was a small lie but there was no end to the lengths that she would go to in protecting him.

He studies her. "I see." He took a couple puffs of his cigar. "Sasha no matter what comes, I'm still your brother. We will always be a family."

"I know." She smiled at him. "You know you're getting softer in your old age. Much kinder than father would have been."

"Love will do that to you." He gave a toothy smile while biting on his cigar. She could see why Cissy liked him. He was handsome. For all his faults there was good in him. He would stop at nothing to protect his family.

"Remember what I've said Sasha. The Dark Lord will play upon your worst fears." She would remember that.


	23. Chapter 22 Whiplash

CHAPTER TWENTY TWO

Whiplash

Sasha returned late on a Sunday evening. She would see Severus at breakfast the following morning be she couldn't wait that long. He was like an itch that she couldn't stop scratching. She freshened up hastily, putting on new robes purchased in London with him in mind. She hurried to his room over the dungeon and knocked on his chamber door. He opened it more quickly than she was prepared for and she jumped. She couldn't help but smile at him. Tall, dark and handsome, just the way she liked him. His soulful eyes always captivated her. "Hi Sev," she said dreamily. "Mind if I come in?"

He glowered at her. "I'm very busy."

Her smile faded. As usual she was starting over, with him. "Oh, well I just wanted to see how your were doing. I haven't talked to you since the night Barty died. I've missed you." She smiled again, a little weaker, less confident this time. "I was sad you couldn't come to London although I think you made the right choice."

He responded with silence. "So uhm, how are you doing with the guilt thing? Can I come in?" He gave an exasperated sigh and stood aside allowing her to enter. He was less than hospitable and went immediately back to brewing his potions as if she wasn't there.

She was starting to feel awkward. "How about a drink?"

"I'm out." He said flatly, never taking his eyes off his potion.

"Oh," more silence, "Are you angry with me?" She leaned over the table looking careful at the potion and wondering what she was supposed to see.

"No, I told you, I'm busy. So say what you came to say."

"Well, I've thought a lot about our conversation about guilt. I'm having to work hard to let go of it. I loved Regs. Barty's funeral got me thinking to much I guess." She mused. "Barty felt so guilty about how Barty Jr. turned out. It made him miserable for the rest of his life. You were right. Regret eats away at people." Finally he looked at her, his jaw clenched as the bristled in response to the subject matter. "So how are you doing with your' rehab?"

"I was wrong about all of it." His speech was clipped. "To let go of these thoughts is to let go of your duty to those you've wronged. You would be giving up on them. You lose them. I'll never do that to Lily. She was, she is, my life."

Sasha felt her heart dissolve inside her chest at being confronted with the reality that he will always belong to Lily. "No Sev, I think you were right before. Regs, he loved me. I know that in my heart. Remember what I told you about forgiveness? He wouldn't want me to live my life in pain. I'm going to live my life to honor him. He'd want me to fight for things I believed in, to stand up for myself, to be in love, to dance, to laugh, to enjoy life and do everything he didn't get to finish doing."

He was silent and intently focused on his potion again. She continued. "If Lily ever cared for you, and I think deep down she did, she would want the same for you."

"You're wrong!" He snapped.

"No Sev, I'm not." She put her hand on his shoulder and moved closer to him. "She did care about you, she just wasn't in love with you."

"Get out!" He straightened up shoving her hand away.

"No. You're going to listen. You need someone to say these things to you. Someone who isn't afraid of you."

"You know nothing about us!" He was getting louder by the moment as was she.

"Maybe not but I know everything about what you're feeling. I've loved one person all my life. He never loved me. He is lost to me forever." She was choking but continued, "But I know that deep down he is a good person and he would want what is best for me. I know that. Regs would too. I'm going to live my life in a way that would honor him not paralyzed with guilt over something I can't take back. Lily would want you to be happy too."

He was filled with rage at her musing about her love for James Potter and then mentioning Lily in the same sentence. He lunged at her shoving his wand under her chin so hard she thought it was going to go through her skin. He spoke with a slow seething rage, "Don't you EVER speak her name again." He met her eyes glaring daggers but was suddenly sickened when he saw the hurt in them.

"Oh Severus," she gasped. He turned and walked to the other side of the room trying to get far away from her before he did her more harm. "You deserve a better life. I can't stand seeing you like this."

"Then leave me." His voice had no emotion. Everyone eventually left him.

"Severus please, I just,"

"Enough." His voice was lower. He sounded tired. "I know how you feel. Please don't repeat yourself."

"I'll always want the best for you. Even if you don't want it for yourself, I always will. Never doubt me." Before he turned around he heard the door click and she was gone.

He looked at the bookshelf he was standing on and saw his only picture of Lily. She was smiling up at him. His hands shook as he picked it up, his nerves raw. _ Oh Lily, why couldn't it have been me? Why couldn't you love me? No one could possibly love you more than I do. I'll never forsake you again._

He resolved again to avoid Sasha from that moment on. She was dangerous to his identity. This was who he was and he would not permit her to try to change him again. _Insipid little fool, prattling on about what Potter would have wanted for her. He never gave a damn about her._ _I was a better friend to her. She didn't appreciate it any more than Lily did. What is wrong with me? _ Severus felt that he was for some reason unlovable. His parents, Lily, all of them rejected him. He could never get past that. It clouded every aspect of his life. He felt worthless. Sadly he was used to it. He understood life from this perspective. It was safe and predictable.

Sasha continually forced his mind into these vicious circles. Not good enough, tying to do better, failing at that, resolving once again that his situation was hopeless. It was a fruitless and exhausting exercise. He would rid himself of her and the vicious circles she pushed him through. If he was quitting anything it was her.

No matter how badly he wanted her.

_A/N: If that depresses you and you need a laugh, check out "And the Geek Shall inherit the earth. Just a funny little riff._


	24. Chapter 23 Wicked Game

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Wicked Game

_AN: I hear "Wicked Game" playing in the background. _

Continuing her rhythm from London, Sasha immersed herself in work trying to forget him. This emotional volleyball was maddening. He would never be capable of love again and she was trying to work up the courage to face facts. He was never ever going to love her. He was never ever going to be capable of friendship with her. He couldn't even be civil for 24 hours in a row. Trying to dodge his mood swings was like running the gauntlet. You could go for a while but sooner or later you would get whacked.

She spent as much time as she could with Igor knowing their time together was quickly coming to an end. She tried to focus on tending to his needs, making him comfortable like you would someone with a terminal diagnosis. It was a difficult time for her, lost love and soon to be lost friendship. She was sinking into a depression. It felt like drowning in slow motion.

The weather was starting to get warmer and he wanted to meet near the lake and stargaze several nights a week. She obliged knowing she wouldn't sleep and enjoying the comfortable relationship she had with her old friend. They stayed out late. A few times they fell asleep and Sasha had to sneak back into the castle. Severus watched it all from a distance. Sometimes they reminisced and stargazed. Sometimes she read aloud to him while he admired her. He was almost content. This was the best he could hope for with her.

The night before the challenge, she showed up on the ship's deck with a satchel. "What's in the bag?" He finished tying down a sail and walked over to her.

"There will be photographers everywhere tomorrow and you have been letting yourself go Mr. Karkaroff. I'm not leaving until you're fit for the cover of Witch Weekly." She unpacked her arsenal of beauty aids.

He smirked and raised his eyebrows. He was going to get touched. "Then you're going to be here for a long time."

"We'll start with your hands, they look like you've been clawing your way through something." She motioned him over to their favorite bench and she took his hands and began to work. He sighed. This was heaven. He loved the way she took care of him. It almost felt like she loved him, but he knew better. All Snape had to do was say the word and he would never see her again. Fortunately for Igor he was too stupid to do that.

She became uncomfortable with his long silence and made small talk. "Is Krum ready for tomorrow?"

"He will be victorious. I've no doubt."

"Really? You've said that twice now and he's lost both times."

"Barty stacked everything in Diggory's favor." And the debate was on. They talked at length as she filed his nails, trimmed his cuticles and smoothed and massaged his calluses, which felt incredible to him.

"There." She said admiring her work. "All done. Wonderful!"

"I look like I've never done a hard day's work in my life."

"They look like they would feel great on a woman's skin. Better watch out for Rita Skeeter tomorrow. I think she digs you." She teased. Normally he found this banter entertaining. Tonight it just reminded him how desperately he wanted her and how hopeless it was. "Alright now." She climbed up to sit on the back of the bench with one leg on either side of him. "Now let's work on your hair."

"My hair? What's wrong with my hair?"

"Lack of brushing for one thing. Depression doesn't look good on you my Russian Prince. Now sit up straight." She began to stoke the brush through his long dark wavy hair. It was beautiful with a few streaks of silver that weren't there six months ago. It reminded her of how she used to love to brush her dolls hair and even Lucius as a child. It was good therapy.

"Uhhhh," Igor groaned. "That feels so good Sasha. Mmmmm." His shoulders relaxed. He closed his eyes. "Let's do this all night."

She giggled. "I had no idea a hairbrush could bring you to the brink of orgasm."

"Mmmmm" _Why did she have to say that? Now I'll be thinking of sex with her all night. Well nothing new really_. He felt himself getting too serious and tried to lighten the mood. "You know for years I've dreamed of having my head between your thighs and now here I am facing the wrong way."

"Igor Karkaroff!" She pushed his head lightly and he laughed boyishly. "I don't know why I put up with you. You're impossible!"

"Oh no, I'm quite possible my dear." He was being honest in this.

"Ugh, I should go."

"No, no, no. Stay." He grabbed her hand and placed it back on his head. "I'll behave I promise just don't stop brushing my hair."

"Sure you can handle it?"

"I'll try to contain myself."

"Alright but remember, you promised."

"Yes, yes, just keep brushing. Don't stop." She continued and seemed to enjoy it.

Igor knew that very soon he would be leaving her and there would be no more nights together like this. He would miss it. So much so that he found himself hoping his death would come soon. Lonely nights would be the worst kind of torture for him. There were many things he needed to say to her while he still had the chance. "Sasha, you know I never told you this but when I found out your marriage was to be arranged, I went to your father and begged for your hand."

"You did not." She stopped brushing.

"Yes I did. Keep brushing. Ahh that feels wonderful. I did. I argued with him for hours. I even asked Lucius to intervene for me but he refused."

"I had no idea." She slowed her brushing and smoothed his hair with her hands. "All these years, I can't believe you never told me."

"Would you have run away with me to spite them if I had?"

"No." She admitted softly.

"So then I'm glad I didn't say it."

"I wish he had agreed to it. Imagine how different our lives would be. We'd be far away from here right now with little Igor's and Sasha's running around underfoot."

"Yes, keep brushing. They told me I was immigrant scum and would never be good enough for you."

"I'm sorry." She kissed the top of his head. "Father could be an ass."

"Regulus tried to vouch for me but they wouldn't listen to him either. You know I've always denied really geing in love with you, but it's a lie. I've loved you for years. I would have taken you on any terms. Even an arranged marriage"

"Igor stop." This was becoming too hard for her to hear.

"No. Our time is growing short and I may never have another chance to tell you everything. Keep brushing. I know you've never felt the same about me but I thought if you were bound to me and I could make you happy that I could make you fall in love with me and forget Severus. Eventually. But it's just as well. I would have grown to resent those terms. I'd grow bitter knowing I was your last resort, when you couldn't have what you really wanted."

"Igor you've become my most treasured friend. You're never a last resort."

"But I'm not Severus." He sighed and studied the planks on the deck of the ship

"No."

"He's a lucky man but he's too thick and neurotic to know it. What a bastard! Why do you put up with him? Do you really love him or is it just an old habit?" He never could understand the attraction she had for him nor could any of the few people he'd confided his feelings to.

"It's inexplicable. His mind, the depth of his devotion to Lily, and the way he feels so protective of me, his lovely voice. I can't tell you why I feel this way I just do."

"Alright that's enough." He waived his hand at her. This wasn't what he wanted to discuss on one his last nights on earth.

"Sorry, Sirius can't stand to hear it either."

Someone below deck was playing their stereo loudly. It was a very sad ballad. He pulled her up to dance. "Do you know what I think?"

"What?"

"I think you have Daddy issues." He raised one eyebrow at her hoping to lighten the mood again.

"Bahaha! You always make me laugh."

"I'm serious."

"Hey if your father was Abraxas Malfoy you'd have Daddy issues too."

"Ah! You stole my next line."

"And what was that?"

"I was going to ask you 'who's you're Daddy?'" He tickles her roughly pushing her against the mast. She laughed uncontrollably and loudly. "Come on Sash, who's your Daddy?" He kept tickling her while she screamed and laughed. Finally she escaped him.

"Igor you idiot!"

"Haha" his deep laughter was so rich and beautiful. "Come here my Cassiopeia." He took her hand and pulled her close to him. "I have more fun with you than anyone else on earth." He held one hand and put his free arm around her lower back as they swayed to the music again.

"Me too Igor, my big Russian Prince." She hugged him tightly and they continued to dance. "I love dancing with you." She mused. "You know you're very graceful for a big guy." She smiled and tilted her head back to look up at him. He looked beautiful in the moonlight. He bent his head and kissed her lips softly, then not so softly. She let him. She allowed his tongue in her mouth and he kissed her deeply, hypnotically. She snaked her fingers through his now lush hair and a low growl escaped him. He felt his desire for her reaching a point of no return and somehow found the discipline to pull away.

"I'm not Severus, Sasha."

"I wasn't thinking of him." She moved to kiss him again. She hadn't been drinking but she felt intoxicated.

He pulled his lips away from hers. "Maybe not yet but you would. I know you." She buried her face in his chest and he couldn't judge her reaction. He didn't need to see her face to read her mind. "It's getting late my love. We both have a busy day tomorrow."

Sasha sighed, "I don't want to leave you."

"Uh," he groaned, "Don't say that to me. I'm a man with nothing left to lose. That means you shouldn't trust me. I don't trust myself with you. Especially where sex is concerned." He whispered this seductively into her ear purposefully to torture her. It worked; he felt goose bumps on her arm.

"I'm a fool aren't I?"

"Yes." He said kissing her hair. "But we are all fools in love. Do me a favor Sasha." He released her and sat down on their bench.

"What?"

"Don't wear those ugly black robes anymore. You look like a librarian." She laughed gathering up her things. "I want to see that beautiful girl I've had the hots for since 4th year." He tried very hard to sound like his old self even though his heart was shattered.

"Deal. I hate these things." She giggled and kissed his forehead. "Here's a hairbrush. Keep working on it." She tossed him the brush.

"Good night Cassiopeia."

She walked up the hill with a heavy heart. He deserved better than she could give him. It would be so easy to love him if Severus had never come into her life. But he had come into her life. Why couldn't he be the one romancing her in the moonlight? As she walked through the courtyard she saw his light on. He stood there with his arms crossed not even bothering to act like he hadn't been watching. She stopped and faced him angry that he stood on the fringes of her life like a specter. He didn't want her, but he didn't want anyone else to have her. She took two steps toward the entrance near his room before he turned out the light. Rejected yet again.

_A/N: I'm feeling sad for Igor. He deserves some love too. Might have to write another story for him later. _


	25. Chapter 24 The Maze

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

The Maze

_AN: Action scenes aren't my strong suit but a necessary evil._

On the morning of the final task Sasha awoke early but had difficulty getting out of bed. Igor would be leaving soon to take his students home. Her assignment at Hogwarts would be over and she may never see Severus again. Depression kept her in bed as she tried and failed to sleep. Eventually she gave up and drug herself out of bed.

She looked out her window and watched the final preparations being made on the maze by the house elves. Mad eye was overseeing things which was a relief for Sasha. He would be sure the area was challenging but secure. She missed breakfast and lunch, and finally dinner. She took a long bath. She was ashamed at her behavior with Igor the night before and dreaded seeing him again. She should never have kissed him. He was so handsome and adoring and she was so lonely. She could still feel his strong arms around her; still feel his lips on hers and the way his beard brushed against her cheeks. It felt good to be loved even if it wasn't Severus. So she made a bad decision and kissed him back, and relished in it. Even though they weren't together, she felt like she cheated on Severus. The guilt weighed her down and despite everything she's said to Severus on the subject, she chose to wallow in it. She should never have led Igor on like that. He deserved so much better, someone who loved him. Life felt very unfair.

The bathwater began to grow cold and so she got out and slipped into her robe and then lay back down on the bed. She was still too apathetic to even go to her closet and chose which robes to wear. She used her wand to levitate various robes out of her closet and assess them. As she passed over rejected items, she moved them to her traveling trunk. It would soon be time to leave. She remembered she promised Igor to dress more like her old self and wondered if that was wise. She didn't want to lead him on but in just a few more days he would be gone and she might never see him again. She decided on the white robes she'd worn the day she arrived at Hogwarts. She wore them over white leather trousers just to spite Sirius and his ludicrous ideas about how to dress for Severus. What a ridiculous and futile quest that had been. She blushed thinking of how foolish she had been.

A couple hours prior to the scheduled start of the final task she made her way down to the maze. Severus was talking to Igor on the opposite side of the field. She noticed Igor was rubbing his arm. That couldn't be good. She dreaded facing either one of them and so decided to avoid them all together and walk the perimeter of the maze that she and Barty had spent months carefully planning before his death.

"Looking for something Miss Malfoy?" She hadn't gotten far before Alastar's gruff voice followed her.

"Oh good evening Alastar. It can't hurt to take one more walkabout can it? After what happened to Barty we should take extra care don't you think?" She continued walking, anxious to get away from him.

"I've secured the perimeter myself on Dumbledore's orders." He followed her and his tone suggested that he was protesting her involvement. Perhaps he felt she didn't trust him. She didn't. However it would do no good to have him thinking that.

"Yes but it's my responsibility. Come along with me, I'll need a second set of eyes and you have an advantage there." She smiled her most charming smile and tossed her hair for good measure. Her father always said to keep your enemies closer than your friends. Alastar scowled at her licking his lips and then obliged.

They walked around the edge of the maze reviewing security precautions. "Looks like your boyfriends were arguing over something tonight." This comment made her blood boil and she sensed that he was now trying to pick a fight.

"I don't have any boyfriends Alastar. What are you getting at? Merlin! I'm so sick of people dancing around and not saying what they're really thinking."

"Karkaroff & Snape, they've been at each other all morning. Two dark wizards conspiring no doubt. Are you saying you don't know what it's about?" He was blatantly fishing but she wasn't going to fall for it.

"Precisely what I'm saying. If you're so curious go ask them. As for the two of them being dark wizards, that's just not true and you know it. They both turned their backs on all that ages ago."

"No one stops being a dark wizard and lives to tell about it!" He looked at her with a fiery expression while licking his lips. "Perhaps you've forgotten."

Sasha's gut reaction was to stand toe to toe with him and put him in his place but something stopped her. Perhaps it was because they had walked far away from the crowd, or the way he brought up the memory of Regs like a threat. More likely it was because his lecherous expression and they way he licked his lips made him look exactly like Barty Jr. She felt a chill down her back and instantly decided to change course. She knew better than to ignore those instincts.

"Hmm, Alastar maybe you're right. There have been lots of strange things happening lately. We should get back there immediately in case you're right." He nodded and they turned and walked back to a more populated area. "Thank goodness we have you around Alastar. You look at things from every angle and know how to think like the enemy." She tried to flatter him to get back into good graces.

As they reached the maze entrance she noticed he was sweating profusely and reached into his cloak for his ever-present flask. "Good day Ms. Malfoy." With that he turned to leave taking a swig from his flask as he walked away.

He was right about one thing. Severus and Igor will still obviously in a disagreement about something though taking care not to alert others.

Igor looked so melancholy as he met her eyes. That look had become so familiar to her lately. He immediately approached her and she sighed when she saw him. He was so handsome in chocolate brown cashmere robes. He was all business in his demeanor due to the number of students present but his tone, which they couldn't hear, was adoring.

"Have I told you how incredibly beautiful you are?" He whispered near her ear.

"Everyday. My ego can barely fit through the castle gates."

"You're not wearing black, just like I asked."

"Anything for you."  
He swallowed hard. "Be on alert. My mark is as dark as the day I got it. If anything happens, get out of here fast."

"What? Leave the students? I would never do that!"

He looked at his feet and she knew she had said the wrong thing. He was feeling like a coward and she had all but called him out. "Just like Regs." He smirked.

"Thank you." She bent down into his line of sight until he was forced to meet her eyes.

"Just be safe. I'll talk to you after the task is complete." He squared his shoulders and marched over to Krum.

Sasha joined Albus and the other champions for the start of the contest. She quickly reviewed the rules with all parties and then turned things over to Albus who provided his usual theatrical warnings. Filch sounded the cannon and the champions entered the maze.

The crowd noise became a low murmur as now there was nothing for them do to but wait. She found Severus near the edge of the stands and he nodded his head for her to come to him. _I guess stranger things have happened, _she thought. She walked immediately over to him while noting that he wore a look of deep concentration.

"Did he tell you?" He did not look at her but eyed the crowd intently.

"Yes."

"Then keep your eyes open and stay far away from both of us. We are marked men."

"Sev, you're scaring me. Don't say things like that." She tried to disguise the worry in her voice but was sure she failed.

"Shhh, speak to no one of this."

"Ok, but one thing first, watch out for Moody." She turned her back to the crowd as she said this, worried that someone might read her lips.

"Why is that?"

"I'm telling you there is something wrong with him. He's so argumentative. I feel like he's working against us. Just now when we were talking, his expression, he looked like Barty Jr. Same cold dead eyes. It gave me a chill." Severus narrowed his eyes looking very thoughtful.

"What is it? Something just occurred to you, what is it?"

"Nothing. Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on him. You just keep away from Karkaroff and I.

"Yes, yes, you tell me that every other day." She waved him off exasperated.

"Sasha," his deep voice saying her name sent a rush of heat throughout her. "Please listen to me. It's for your safety." He looked at her and pleaded with only his eyes. She knew he must be seeing only Lily even as he looked at her and was remembering the pain of not being able to protect her.

"Yes Severus, I'll do as you ask." She managed a brave smile.

He exhaled deeply. "Thank you."

She nodded and assumed a position near Dumbledore which must surely be the safest place around

At that moment, everyone's world began to change for the worse.

The first sparks to shoot up over the maze were the blue for Beuxbattons. Fleur had failed. Sasha's face showed concern as she waited for the maze to remove her. She was secretly annoyed however that the only female in the contest was coming in last yet again. It gave witches a bad name. Fleur was spit out by the maze and landed on the field, stunned. Madame Maxine cursed in French at Sasha for the rough manner in which her champion was handled. The staff surrounded her as Fleur gathered her wits and began to tell her story. "It vaz Krum! He attacked me."

"Impossible! How dare you question Drumstrang's honor!" Igor was furious.

"No, no! E'z eye'z, ze were so red. E waz bewitched. I'm sure of it. Zometing was controlling him."

"Vhat kind of trick is dis?" Madame Maxine was shouting. Sasha did not answer her. There was no mechanism in the maze to cause this. Her eyes met Dumbledore's. He knew this as well.

They were interrupted by Red Sparks for Drumstrang shooting up in the air. "Damn!" Karakaroff's voice boomed above everyone. It struck Sasha as odd that he could still give a damn about the contest when Voledmort could return at any second. Viktor was promptly spit out as well but didn't look as healthy as Fleur. His eyes were glassy and he was dazed.

Karkaroff was intently asking him questions and Sasha caught bits and pieces of Krums responses. "Cursed…not in control…attacked Diggory…where is Fleur…so sorry." The imperious curse, she was sure of it.

Sasha made her way to Dumbledore's side as did Severus. "This isn't right Albus, this wasn't supposed to happen to anyone."

"I'm afraid our worst fears are about to come true. It's my guess that we'll soon see Diggory spit out of the maze and Harry, well I shudder to think what may happen next. Have your wands at the ready."

"Headmaster surely there is something we can do. We can't just stand by and wait for something evil to befoul Diggory and Potter." Severus kept his voice barely above a whisper.

"The maze is impenetrable Severus. There's nothing to do but wait." Her eyes met his and she could see his mind working quickly. He crossed the field to meet with Karkaroff with his black robes flowing in the wind.

"What should we do Albus? Should we alert the crowd?"

"No. It would cause a panic and besides what would you tell them? We don't really know what's happening in the maze. Even if we did, there is nothing we could do to stop it. I'm afraid all we can do is wait."

The next hour was an eternity. Severus paced. Albus watched everything around him with the wonder of a child. Maxine and Karkaroff tended to their students and tried to put on brave faces. Alastar sat on a bench in the corner with both hands on his cane. He looked interested but not particularly worried.

Without warning Harry and Cedric seemed to fall from the sky with Harry clutching the Tri-Wizard cup. Sasha was overjoyed and relieved but only for a moment. The band struck up a rousing tune and the students cheered but she saw Cedric's eyes wide open, not blinking. He wasn't moving. Harry was hysterical, clutching Dumbledore's robes. "He's back. Voledmort's back!" Severus was tending to Cedric, checking for a pulse, listening for a heartbeat. He reached for his wand presumably to attempt a healing spell.

"Dead, Cedric's dead." She could hear the words rippling through the crowd and heard the agonizing screams of Cedric's father.

"My son!" She thought she'd never heard a more terrible sound than the heartbroken cries of Amos Diggory. Severus lowered his wand with resignation and moved away from the body.

"Albus, there are too many people. We have to move the body." Fudge was already trying to cover his ass. She looked for Harry. She wanted to hear from him what happened. She scanned the crowd but didn't see him. Then she caught sight of Alastar walking up the hill almost to the castle. Harry was with him. She didn't waste a moment before she ran away from the crowd and followed them. Presumably they were going to the hospital wing. When she arrived at the castle she went there first but it was empty so she started towards Alastar's chambers.

She didn't bother to knock and barged right in to find Moody eye to eye with Harry and the young wizard backing up. Alastar turned when she entered and aimed his wand at her. "Expelliarmis!"

Her wand flew out of her hand. "What's the matter with you Alastar? It's just me."

"Run Professor!" Harry tried to warn her but it was too late. Moody turned his wand on the young wizard next.

"Stupefy!" Harry flew back into the wall and crumbled to the floor. Moody grabbed her throwing her into a chair.

"What's gotten into you?"

"You mean you haven't figured it out yet? Well I guess Lucius got all the brains in your family. You certainly got all the looks." He licked his lips and moved a hand over her thigh. "Still I can't believe you of all people didn't figure it out." He moved till he was inches from her face as she made an expression of disgust and tried to move away from him. "We've always had such a connection." His wand was under her chin now and he touched her cheek with his fat sweaty fingers and moved them down her neck. "I know that's why you never married no matter when face you show to the world. We could have been happy together you know. If only that gorilla Regulus hadn't ruined it."

Sasha inhaled sharply. "Barty?" She whispered his name, afraid if she said it too loudly it would be true.

"Yesss, misss me?" He hissed like a snake and kissed her hard while groping her breast hard. She tried to push him off but he was too strong. She tried to scream but it was muffled as his mouth engulfed hers. He thrust his tongue into her mouth and she bit down as hard as she could. He quickly released her, holding his mouth as blood poured out.

"Still a haughty little bitch are you?"

She picked up a nearby floor lamp and swung at his midsection like it was a sword. She never connected as he disarmed her once again. She tried to run past him towards the door but he caught her and she knew she was in trouble.

"Haha! I'd forgotten what a hot-tempered little minx you are. Still beautiful too. Do you honestly think you'll be able to deny me now that the Dark Lord has returned? I've been his most faithful servant. He'll see to it that I'm rewarded with whatever I want. And I want you." He pulled her head back by her hair and roughly kissed her again. Sasha was disgusted as his foul saliva dripped all over her cheeks.

"I'll have my pick of trophies. You'll be mine yet." He ran his lips over her neck moving towards her chest. She managed to turn towards him and kick him squarely in the stones. "Ahrg! He doubled over in pain. She ran away from him again and was almost to the door when she heard him speak again "Crucio!"

Pain ripped into her back and radiated out to every extremity. She screamed so loudly she heard the windowpanes shake as she hit the floor and writhed in pain. He kept his wand fixed on her and she could see his face through her haze of pain. His expression was twisted in a mix of cruelty and pleasure. She had no idea how long this torture lasted. It seemed like hours. Finally he lowered his wand and she lay there in a sobbing heap on the floor. "Had enough my love?" He took her hand and pulled her up. She was shaking and weak; too weak to fight back. He closed his eyes and buried his face in her hair breathing in and smelling her. "Enough pain my love. Now it's time for some pleasure."

"No" It came out as a whimper for she was too weak to speak.

He pulled her over to his desk and threw her face forward into it. He stood behind her grunting and she could hear him wrestling with his belt buckle and felt his hands moving over her backside. She knew what was coming.

"Expelliarmis!" She heard Dumbledore's voice and breathed a sigh of relief.

She saw a flash of black robes and felt Barty fall off of her and hit the floor. Severus had him. He was choking him. She'd never seen him this angry and that was saying something. Barty's or rather Alastar's stolen mad eye fell off and his other eye rolled back into his head as he began to lose consciousness.

"Severus, no! He's not worth it!" She was screaming but he didn't seem to hear her. He was a man possessed.  
"Professor Snape! Stop this instant." Dumbledore was pulling the two men apart. He finally succeeded and Severus gathered Sasha into his arms.

"Are you alright? You should NEVER have come after him alone. Damnit I told you! You never listen Sasha." He clutched her head to his chest and she could feel his heavy breathing and hear his beautiful heart beating.

"Minerva, get Miss Malfoy out of here. Take her to the hospital wing immediately."

Minerva collected her from a reluctant Severus and hustled her out of the room, but Sasha refused to go to the hospital wing. She wanted to go to her room. Minerva relented sensing she was all right but only on the condition that she take a sleeping draught. She obeyed and fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

AN: OK enough fighting, stay tuned for the good stuff 


	26. Chapter 25 From Russia with Love

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

From Russia with Love

Sasha awoke in her room slowly coming out of her haze. She had no idea how long she had been asleep. It was still dark outside. The only light was from the fire in the fireplace and a few candles placed around her room. She heard someone stirring and looked over to find Dobby puttering about the room.

"Oh Miss Sasha you're awake. Dobby has been so worried about you." He hopped up and down gushing over her.

"It's okay. I'm fine Dobby, not sure why Minerva felt I needed sedation." She patted his boney hand relieved to have her old faithful servant with her. It reminded her of how he would take care of she and Lucius as children when they were sick. "How long have I been asleep?"

"A few hours. It's 3 o'clock in the morning." He helped her sit up in bed and propped the pillows behind her.

"Three a.m., goodness! How is Harry?" She rubbed her head surprised at how much time had gone by.

"The great Harry Potter is in the hospital wing. He brought back Cedric's body and fought the Dark Lord by himself. He is truly a great wizard. He's a hero." Dobby gushed in his admiration of the boy. It was sweet.

"That he his Dobby." There was a knock at the door.

"Where's my wand?" He quickly handed it to her. "Whoever that is at this hour can't be up to anything good."

"It's probably Professor Snape again." Dobby grinned slyly at her.

"Professor Snape?"

"Yes, he's come three times to check on you. He didn't stay. He was here just long enough to check your pulse and make sure you were all right. He's very worried."

"Professor Snape was worried about me?" Her voice sounded like a child and a wave of hope swept over her.

"Yes, Miss Sasha, isn't it wonderful?" It was amazing to her how this little elf could go from sweet to annoying in two seconds. The visitor knocked again.

"Go get the door Dobby." Sasha quickly ran to a mirror and tried to smooth her hair . She looked down and discovered that she was in a long white granny nightgown that Lucius had given her as a joke on her birthday. Thanks a lot Minerva!

Her hopes of Severus were immediately dashed when Dobby opened the door and there stood Igor. Although not whom she was hoping to see he certainly looked the part of Prince Charming. He was wearing long olive green hunting robes and the fur hat that was tradition in his country. He pushed past the poor elf knocking him to the ground and took Sasha in his arms. "Thank goodness you're alive. Severus told me what happened. You must have been so frightened. I wish I would have been the one to save you."

His last statement struck her has funny. As glad as he was that she was safe, he was still so competitive that he wanted to be the one to save her. It wasn't enough that his team won, he had to score the winning shot. He held her in silence and she savored being in his strong arms for what might be the last time.

"Miss Sasha is not to have visitors. You must go now." Dobby piped up. He too seemed to be disappointed.

"Oh it's fine Dobby." Sasha intervened when she felt Igor's muscles tense and sensed that the little elf might be in for the back of his hand. "What I need most of all is a cup of tea. Igor will stay with me while you go fetch it." Dobby narrowed his eyes at Karkaroff who didn't notice and shuffled away as he was told.

"What are you going to do Igor?" She said as soon as the elf was gone.

"I'm leaving right now."

She pulled away to look at him. "What? Now? So soon?"

"I must. It's too dangerous to go back to Drumstrang on the ship. I'd endanger the boys. I had to see you first though." He walked over to her bed and sat down on it.

"What can I do for you? I want to help."

"You can't Sasha. I've told you before, I'll be found and killed eventually and I don't want you connected to me or anywhere near me when it happens."

She knew it was hopeless and sat back down on the bed beside him, taking his hands. "Are you scared?"

"Yes. I'm ashamed to admit that to you but I am. I've always known this day would come, but that doesn't make it any easier."

"Stay then. Stay and fight. If you have to go down, go down swinging as Regs used to say."

"And look what happened to him." He shrugged.

His words stung her and she pulled her hands away from him.

"This is my only shot Sasha. It's a long shot at best but it's all I've got. I won't be selfish and endanger everyone around me. I'm going it alone."

"Please let me do something for you."

"I do have something I want you to do."

"Anything."

He took her hands again and looked into here eyes. Then he took a deep breath before speaking. "Tell Severus you love him."

"What?" Her soft gentle tones were gone now. "Where is that coming from?"

"It's coming from my wish that you be happy."

"Igor really, it's just not that simple." She wasn't used to discussing her feelings, they were always discussing his. "I'm afraid that ship sailed long ago."

"I think you are wrong." He leaned back on her bed and smiled at her. "I hear he went ballistic on Moody, or Barty or whoever that was."

"He did what any decent person would do. He rescued me."

"Sasha, I think he did a little more than that. Dumbledore had disarmed Barty, the man was outnumbered four to one it was over, but not for Snape. He wanted to hurt him. He wanted revenge."

"I think your reaching for straws."

"Have you ever told him how you feel?"

"Yeah right." She snorted.

"I'll take that as a no. Sasha, the Dark Lord is back. He could very well wipe us all out. Do you want to go to your grave never having told him how you feel? Doesn't he deserve to know that someone in this rotten world loves him? If he died tomorrow which he very well may, how would you feel if you never told him?"

"It's complicated Igor."

"That expression of yours is getting really old. Look, if he shuts you out are you any worse off than you are now?"

"I guess not."

"Good, so you'll do it?"

"Yes."

"Brilliant! Now enough of him. Let me look at you one last time." He pulled her up and stood across from her holding both hands and admiring her.

"Had I known you were coming, I would have put on something better than this."

"No, it's perfect." He whispered. She didn't know it but he could see right through the gauzy material and what he saw was amazing. He could see her naked form grazed by the light material and felt his mouth begin to water.

He pulled her close to him. "Kiss me good-bye." She turned her face to him and gently kissed his lips. "No Sasha. You'll never see me again. I'm a man who loves you and you're sending me off to my certain death. Kiss me like you did on the boat."

His mouth hungrily claimed hers and she wrapped her arms around his neck. He groaned with pleasure as she pulled off his hat, threw it to the floor and ran her fingers through his hair. He pulled her waist close to him and enjoyed the feel of her body under his touch. His hands moved over her backside, which he caressed, but it was not enough. He moved one hand to caress her breast. His mouth moved to her neck and he began to work his way down. He wasn't going to be able to stop this time. He loved her and wanted her so badly. This was his last chance.

"Igor, stop." She pushed him off breathing heavily. He was barely aware of what she said, mesmerized by the rise and fall of her chest. "This isn't right."

He sighed heavily and picked his hat off the floor.

"I'm so sorry." She really was. Sorry that the easy road was not for her. Sorry for hurting him. Sorry for things that were never to be.

"It's okay." He hugged her one last time. "I love you Sasha. Never forget me."

"I promise I won't." She was trying to be brave and hold her tears but they were escaping rapidly.

"Goodbye." He bent and kissed her hand and turned to go.

"Send word if you can."

"Too dangerous." He shook his head.

"I'll think of you when I see Orion."

He turned to her one last time and smiled looking very regal. "I'll always have Cassiopeia to keep me company." And with that he was gone.

_A/N: Bye Bye Igor. I'm going to miss you _


	27. Chapter 26

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Chance of Frost

The Dark Mark on Severus' arm was burning and he knew the Dark Lord expected him but in order to play his part, he had to stay at Hogwarts. There would be hell to pay later. He may not survive it. He had prepared for this for years however and knew he was as ready as he would ever be.

The castle was a flurry of activity, students to be corralled and checked on, questioning Barty and handing him over to the authorities, inquiries by ministry officials. He found a few brief opportunities to check on Sasha and was relieved each time to find her sleeping soundly and not having to face all this. She looked like a helpless child as she slept which brought out his protective instincts. He couldn't stand to think about what almost happened to her again. He had saved her this time though and felt somehow redeemed.

As Fudge and his underlings finally left Dumbledore's office for the last time, Severus followed; hoping to sneak over to Sasha's quarters and check on her again. The Headmaster stopped him. "Where are you going Severus?"

"To check on Sasha and then patrol the grounds Headmaster."

"No Severus, it's time to face Voldemort." He knew it was time but the words still sounded ominous. "But first you must clear your mind."

Severus was irritable from the pressure and lack of sleep. "My mind is ALWAYS clear. What are you insinuating?"

"It wasn't clear earlier tonight." Severus turned away from his words. "You were out of control with Barty." Dumbledore's tone was calm, ever calculating.

"I'm never out of control. He is the enemy and he got exactly what he deserved."

"Severus, you almost killed a man in anger. Without the information he gave us under veritusserum we wouldn't have any idea how this happened. We may never have found Moody. Never have found out how Barty Sr. died. Harry could have been blamed for Diggory's murder. All this because you behaved like a jealous suitor."

Severus plunked himself down in a chain in sullen silence, furious at being called out like this after all he had sacrificed over the years.

"Severus, if we are going to be successful in defeating Voldemort, you must have ice in your veins. You must be cold and calculating with steely determination. That's what will win, not you exploding like a hot head."

He glared back at the Headmaster. "I assure you, no one's veins are icier than mine." His tone was dripping in sarcasm.

"It's not enough." I want you to have no further contact with Sasha. You must push her out of your life entirely. If Voldemort penetrates your mind, if he figures out you're in love with her,"

"I'm NOT in love with her." His indignant voice boomed through the room as he jumped out of his chair and paced across the room. "I'll never love anyone but Lily." He was so angry his hands shook. Dumbledore was questioning the compass that had been guiding Severus almost his entire life.

Dumbledore softened a bit, feeling sorry for this man who had lost so much and still had so much more to lose. "Whatever your feelings may be Severus, love or friendship, as long as they remain in your mind, Sasha's life is at risk. Do you remember how that feels? Is that what you want?"

"No." Was all he could say. He stared at the floor and felt suddenly, very empty.

"Right." Dumbledore put a hand on his shoulder. "Then forget about her. Have no contact with her. Block out all memory of her. If you don't, she'll become his pawn. He'll use her to test and manipulate you. For her sake, for your own, you must listen to me."

Severus closed his eyes and nodded his head in agreement. Dumbledore was right. His life would never change. No matter how hard he worked to save their world, part of the job would require emotional isolation. He left in silence and walked outside the castle to the grounds, which were glistening in the moonlight. He touched his wand to the mark and vanished.

Much happened at the castle in the next 24 hours while Severus pleaded his case with the Dark Lord. Diggory's heartbroken parents took his body home. Minerva arranged a memorial service for the following day. Moody told his harrowing story of 6 months in a box. Sasha worked with representatives from Drumstrang to ensure the safe passage home of Igor's abandoned students. The worst of it however was contained in the form of a howler Sasha received from. She was fired. 15 years of running events and sports completely disregarded. She was going to be the scapegoat. One of them. While she was being blamed for lack of security and the danger of the events, Dumbledore and Harry were also taking a fair amount of heat as well. All of them assaulted by the spin-doctors and The Daily Prophet and portrayed to be incompetents and liars. She couldn't even begin to worry about her employment situation though. Her mind was on Severus whom she knew to be in the fight of his life.

When Severus finally returned to his quarters after an entire day and night of questioning, tests and torture by the Dark Lord he was exhausted. He had however been successful, and the knowledge of this was all that was keeping him going. He'd blocked all attempts to invade portions of his mind. The level of difficulty in allowing glimpses of what he wanted to share and blocking what he did not was exceptional, but Severus and Dumbledore had been practicing for years. The Dark Lord was eventually persuaded and things were going according to plan.

As resentful as Severus was at being told to push Sasha out of his life, he was now in agreement that it had to be done. It was not only for her safety, but the future of their mission. Still it made him very sad to think of life without her. She pushed him out of his quiet and lonely comfort zone and he experienced emotional breakthroughs with her. She made him feel wanted and needed and he loved looking at her. It was however for the best. It wouldn't be difficult. Their recent relationship had been quite strained and she would be leaving shortly anyway. She would just fade away. Then he could focus on the business at hand. It was his destiny.

As he showered to attend Diggory's memorial service in the great hall, he thought of Karkaroff who was already on the run. He wondered how long he would survive and if he would be in contact with Sasha. Surely he would have the good sense to stay away if he truly cared about her. As he was shaving, he wondered if Sasha would like him with facial hair similar to Karkaroff. _What am I doing? Stick with the plan Severus._ He thought and pushed her out of his head, relieved that she would be leaving soon.

He entered the great hall and was making his way over to his student's when she locked eyes on him from across the room. She was speaking with some Drumstrang students but completely disengaged from them when she saw him. He face broke right in to the elegant smile he had memorized. She immediately excused herself and walked across the room to greet him.

"How's my hero this morning?" She looked at him admiringly like a teenage girl with a crush on a rock star.

"Fine." He said flatly while noticing the bruise on the side of her face. "Is that from Barty?" His fists clenched at the memory of her attacker.

"Afraid so. I'd have gotten much worse if you hadn't been there."

"It was nothing." He rolled his eyes and looked away, dreading what was to come.

"It wasn't nothing. I don't know how I'll ever repay you."

"Do you want to repay me?" He portrayed ice in the veins but truthfully he could barely manage a frost. "Then leave me in peace and don't let your idiotic decisions put you in a position like that again. It's quite a habit with you." He turned quickly and headed towards his seat so he wouldn't have to see her wince at his remarks. His stomach churned as he realized how naturally it came to him to hurt anyone who reached out to him. He didn't even need to think about it first, it was a gut reaction. He was just like his father.

When he looked back again he saw Sasha taking a seat next to Krum. Karkaroff had asked her to be his stand in no doubt. The light in her eyes from moments ago was gone and she gave little response to anyone who spoke to her. _Oh Sasha, I'm so sorry_.

The service began and Severus was subjected to Dumbledore's endless droning about the meaning of friendship and how to honor the dead. Like he needed to hear this. He wrote the book on honoring the dead. The instant the service was over he bolted from the room and went quickly back to his quarters. As soon as the door was shut behind him he threw off his outer robe and tugged at his collar. He was utterly spent. He poured himself a glass of water. No more liquor for him, he had to stay sharp. Finally he was safe at last and could rest a bit. No Dumbledore, no Dark Lord, and no Sasha Malfoy. He would have some time to gather his thoughts and prepare to begin his double life.

Just when he began to relax, there was a knock at the door.


	28. Chapter 27

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

True Confessions

_Now or never Sash._ She stood outside his chambers trying to psych herself up. Sasha's palms were sweating and she was shaking as she knocked at his door. He opened it so quickly she jumped, and her mind went blank as she looked into his beautiful dark eyes. He was overwhelmed with emotion in seeing her but projected his usual ice-cold demeanor. "Well…. what is it?" he said with no trace of emotion.

"Severus I need to speak with you now. It's important." She rushed through her words and knew there was no turning back now.

"I thought I asked you to leave me in peace. Of course you never were one to follow directions. Very well come in," he said as he turned and walked across the room to his desk. He leaned against the front of it and stretched out his long legs. "I thought you would be long gone by now," he said without a trace of regret that she would be leaving.

"I'm leaving within the hour but there is something I must tell you before I go," she was stammering.

"Let me guess." He said with a roll of his eyes. "You're running away with your Russian lover Karkaroff?" he sneered.

"Hardly, and he was never my lover." So he was not going to make it easy for her. "Is it too early for a drink?" She needed one very badly and wondered if that was vodka in the glass he had.

"It's ten-thirty in the morning Sasha." He spoke in his condescending Potions Master voice while raising an eyebrow.

"Oh," she laughed nervously, "Right then, I'll just say what I came to say then." But she didn't say anything. She didn't know where to begin.

He sat down behind his desk and looked over at her watching her pace. He was far too exhausted for these dramatics and was growing impatient for her to go. "Yes?" He made a sarcastic face.

"Severus…. oh…this might be easier if you don't look at me while I say this." She said while thinking she must sound like a child. He looked at her quizzically and sighed.

"Very well, I'll indulge you." he spun his chair around and looked out the window with his back to her. _ What can she mean with all these childish antics?_

Sasha took a deep breath and began, "Sev, things will be very dangerous for all of us now that Voldemort has returned. You will be in more danger than anyone. What I have to say to you, I'm saying only because I don't want something to happen to one of us without my having said this first." She paused and gulped, her mouth suddenly went dry. He said nothing, but continued looking out the window, his face impassive. She went on, "I know you have loved one person all your life." She heard him draw breath in reaction to this and saw his shoulders tense. He looked down at the floor like a child ready for a beating.

"I think it's a very beautiful trait to love someone so much and to be so fiercely loyal even after death. It's one of the things I admire most about you." Her voice was shaking. He remained completely motionless. "I know that nothing I could ever say or do could ever turn your heart away from Lily. So what I'm about to say isn't to provoke an action or a reaction on your part." She suddenly felt the need to be closer to him and she walked around the desk and knelt beside him. Neither could look at the other.

"Ever since I've known you, I've had the feeling that you have never felt loved, or not loved enough." It was true. He felt a chill go through him at being so precisely identified. "Although it's not what you want,"

_Oh Merlin can this really be happening to me?_ He was terrified to hear what she was going to say next but was hanging on her every word.

"I want you to know that you have had my heart since the first day I saw you at Hogwarts." She saw no reaction but he was clenching his jaw and his knuckles went white as he gripped the glass in his hand. It was all he could do to hold back from her, but he had to. He looked at his sleeves and saw her teardrops raining down on him and he fought the urge to look up. She moved directly in front of him and held his face in her hands until he finally met her eyes.

" I love you Severus Snape, with all my heart and soul. I've loved you since I first saw you the night we were sorted and I've never stopped for a second. I just wanted you to know, that no matter what you may have thought over the years, someone does love you very much." She was choking on her tears and it was hard for her to speak, but she continued. "You are loved. You are cared for. Very deeply. You have always been." She kissed his forehead. "And as long as I'm alive, you always will be." She whispered this and looked into his half closed eyes.

Overwhelmed by her emotions, she kissed him deeply. She could swear she felt him give in but it was almost imperceptible and his body remained unmoved, stone-like. She pulled away, completely devastated and could not meet his eyes. She crossed to the door quickly and hesitated as she put her hand on the knob. She waited five seconds desperately wanting him to stop her. He did not, and so she left the room, her heart in shreds.

When he heard the door shut he doubled over with his head in his hand breathing heavily. He jumped up and paced across the room not knowing what to do with himself. Breathing was difficult and he loosened his collar further and took a long drink of water. He looked out the window hoping to catch one last glimpse of her. He did, walking slowly across the courtyard wiping her eyes oblivious to students bidding her farewell. Draco walked in front of her smiling and speaking to her. She responded by waving him of and continuing to walk towards the train. Severus was ready to explode in frustration. _Why now? Why did she wait till now? _He looked at the glass in his hand and launched it across the room with a guttural noise. It shattered against the wall. He collapsed back into the chair with his head down on the desk. The Potions Master was alone again.


	29. Chapter 28 Escape

PART TWO

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Escape

Sasha had to escape Hogwarts. It was a familiar feeling. Her plan was to head back to London on the train but after her excruciating talk with Severus, she couldn't stand to be around a bunch of students. So she grabbed her broomstick and flew immediately to the one person in the world who would understand. Sirius Black. He had already gotten word about Voldemort's return and was relieved to see Sasha flying in. He knew she would come to him and had been sitting at the mouth of the cave watching the skies. Sasha had been able to hold herself together through the flight but when she saw him she finally felt comfortable enough to let go. She landed and spoke not a word but fell into his strong arms and cried.

"Shhhhh, it's going to be alright. I've got you. Just let it out." She was so glad to have someone who understood her so well that she didn't have to spell out her feelings to. He knew she was worried about Igor and was heartbroken over what Severus would be going through. She cried for a long time by the fire in the cave with him stroking her hair and holding her hands. Finally she had nothing left and fell into a deep sleep while Sirius watched over her.

When she awoke, she felt energized and more rested than she had in months. It was time for her to regroup and get herself together even if sadly it was going to mean giving up hope of ever having her dear Severus. She forgot where she was for a moment until she saw her handsome cousin across the fire.

"Oh Sirius, tell me it was all a dream." She said stretching.

"I wish it was Sash."

She sighed and stretched some more. "How long have I been asleep?"

"Sixteen hours." He spoke softly to her as he stoked the fire.

"Sixteen hours? Really? Oh goodness!" She sat up and tried to collect herself.

"Did you have someplace to be?" He teased.

"No. For the first time in a long time, no. I got sacked from the games committee."

"Really?"

"Really. They didn't even interview me but assumed I'd side with Dumbledore in believing Voldemort is back. I don't know what more proof Fudge needs besides a dead body, an eyewitness, and Barty Jr's confession under veritusserum. They are blaming it on lack of security and the level of danger in the tasks. I'm glad to get away from those dumb jocks."

"I'm sorry Sash. I know you enjoyed your work."

"That's not the worst of it though. I told Severus Snape that I was madly in love with him."

"Wow." His eyes widened and he leaned back on a rock obviously shocked.

"Yeah, wow." She smirked not believing she actually kept that promise to Igor. What a fiasco. What had she been thinking?

"What did he say?" Sirius looked fascinated as he leaned forward. She'd forgotten how he loved a juicy bit of gossip.

"Nothing." She drew her legs into her chest and buried hid her head on her knees.

"What do you mean 'nothing'? He must have said something."

"Nope, nada."

"Well, what did he do?"

"Nothing Sirius!" She was irritated that he kept making her relive the humiliation. "He said nothing. He did nothing. I had to _make_ him look at me. I even kissed him and he didn't kiss me back. I might as well have been kissing a rock. No reaction whatsoever. I might as well have told him we were having toast for breakfast."

"What a stupid bastard!"

"Yeah well, that's my man." She waved the back of her hand at him anxious to move along to a different subject.

"So no job, and no Snivellus, what are you going to do now?"

"No idea and don't call him that." She was tired of talking about herself. "What about you? How long are you planning on staying holed up in here?"

"Where else would I go?" He said with a shrug. She was suddenly stuck by how beaten down he looked. Although he was still handsome, the years in Azkaban and another year in a cave with little food had taken their toll on him. He needed someone to take care of him.

"Anywhere but here. This place stinks." She wrinkled her nose.

"What an impolite house guest you are. Forgetting your Malfoy manners?"

"Those are my Malfoy manners, sadly. You think Lucius would act any different? We're snobs and not even nice ones." She giggled and turned her full charm on him.

"Anyway I'm in hiding. I can't go traipsing around Europe in the open. I'm an escaped mass murderer remember?"

She got a wicked smile and began to rummage through her bag. She pulled out a black velvet pouch and opened it to reveal a miniature souvenir figurine of the Statue of Liberty. "Know what this is?" She said raising her eyebrows.

"Hmmm, Snape celebrating New Years Eve?"

"Ha!" She turned the figure around to look at it. "Well that's….disturbingly accurate." She mustered a laugh in spite of herself. "No asshole. It's a port key. This will take us to my Central Park West apartment and we can spend the summer abroad like we used to."

He hesitated but she could tell he was thinking about it. "Tempting."

"Damn right it's tempting. Let's do it! We can be there in 10 minutes." Conspiracy was rampant in her tone.

"Do you really think that's wise?"

"Since when do you care? Sasha and Sirius are known for many things but prudent judgment has never been one of them." She smiled and tried very hard to look 21 again.

"I can't leave Harry." He said with a heavy sigh.

"What good are you doing him in here? Besides, he's safe with the Dursleys for the summer. Come on, I've got to get away. We're both useless here. I can't help Igor. Severus wants nothing to do with me and to top it off, I'm unemployed."

"Like you need the money." He snorted.

"Come on. Summer in New York, beautiful women. I have a penthouse with a hot tub." Her voice lilted as she tried to be persuasive.

"I don't know." He shook his head but she could tell he was thinking about it.

She was always told the way to a man's heart is through his stomach but she didn't cook. "We could be ordering in from Mr. Chow's in 10 minutes. Remember how you love Chinese?"

"Let me pack up my stuff."

"Yuk, it's rancid. Leave it. I'll buy you all new stuff." She held out her hand to help him up.

"That's why you're my favorite traveling companion." He touched the port key and they were instantly on their way.

Severus wasn't having a carefree summer abroad. All around him people in fear of difficult times ahead were turning to the ones they loved for comfort. Turning to the ones who mattered most; family, friends, lovers. Although Severus carried one of the largest burdens of all he was not afforded this luxury. He had no one to truly share the load with. He'd spent his life after Lily ensuring this and enjoying being unencumbered. Now he felt very alone.

He spent the summer in pseudo-service to the Dark Lord. It consumed him. He had to play his part to perfection, crafting complicated lies while blocking attempts to read his mind, and allowing him only glimpses of what would serve Dubmledore's cause.

He successfully blocked memories of all contact with Sasha from Voldemort. He felt horrible about her. She was a sweet girl. She loved him. Or years he'd been too blind to see it until she finally confessed everything to him. He had been cruel to her. He had berated her and on a few occasions became violent. His behavior pushed her into the arms of Karkaroff, a man she did not love.

Sasha loved him or so she said, but he gave her no hope or encouragement following her declaration and she was again out of his life. She turned instead to Sirius who did care about her. Severus missed her or rather he missed the attention. He thought Black unworthy of this, always cavalier and reckless. Despite his bravado, Severus always felt he as a follower. Still he was glad she was with someone who would fight to the death for her

Severus knew he didn't love her. He never would, but she had shown him more kindness and care than anyone else. She loved him since the day they were sorted and since her confession, he felt very protective of her. It wasn't that she needed another big brother like protector. She had plenty of those. Every man who met her adored her. He liked the idea that he could always count on her. She was something in his life that belonged to him and wouldn't change.

He tried not to worry about her and remain completely focused on fooling the Dark Lord and his cronies. He was good at it. It made him feel better to be actively planning the downfall of the creature that murdered his beloved Lily. This task however was exhausting and he was running himself ragged.

On this night he was invited to dinner in Dumbledore's chambers. When he arrived at the vacant castle after a summer at Spinner's End he felt a sick feeling in his stomach. This place was becoming more and more like a prison. Throughout the meeting Severus faithfully passed along everything he knew while Dumbledore shared the bare minimum.

"You are far more skilled at hiding your thoughts than I ever hoped Severus."

"Thank you Headmaster." He said mechanically.

"But it looks as though this dual role is taking it's toll on your health my friend. You look tired."

"Don't concern yourself." Snape snapped at him. Of course he was exhausted, he was leading two lives. This however was his choice and he knew he was man enough to take it. He didn't need Dumbledore asking about his health.

Dumbeldore sensed his anger and changed the subject. "I'm reforming the Order."

"I thought you might. Your ranks are quite decimated though. Looks like you'll be recruiting."

"I already am."

"Any luck?"

"A bit. Nymphadora Tonks. Remember her?"

"Indeed." Everyone remembered her. Her body was phenomenal.

"Kingsly."

"Good."

"Sasha."

Severus suddenly felt his stomach flip and his mouth went dry. "You've spoken to her?"

"Not yet, but she'll do it."

"She didn't last time." He remembered how she'd desperately tried to be neutral. "She didn't want to oppose her brother and his family."

"Yes. There were a few Dark Wizards that she cared about. I've got more leverage this time."

"What's that?" He didn't like the way this was sounding.

"Whom." Dumbledore corrected.

"Who then?"

"You. She loves you Severus. You would be fighting on the same side this time."

"I don't want her fighting. She's far too reckless." He shook his head violently. "And you don't want me to have any contact with her." His voice was cold. He was still angry at being forced to push her out of his life even if it was for her own good.

"You've been far more successful than I ever thought you would be in blocking out Voldemort's attempts to see into your mind. He's lulled into security. I think we are safe for now. Besides, it's not your decision. She'd do anything to help you. Even betray her brother."

"You would ask her to do that?" He felt sick thinking about what that would do to her.

"Yes, and she would do it if it would help you. I've no doubt about it."

"Ever consider what that might do to her soul?"

Dumbledore was struck by this display of care. "Severus, it's been a long time since I've seen such concern from you."

His walls went up quickly and he gave an exasperated sigh. "Do whatever you want Albus it's no concern of mine. However I wouldn't count on her betrayal of Lucius if I were you. Despite their differences they have a very strong bond."

"Duly noted. I'll be leaving this week to try to convince she and Sirius to return."

"Where are they?"

"Still in New York."

"Holed up somewhere?"

"Not at all, they're enjoying her penthouse and carousing every other night."

Severus smirked and rolled his eyes. "Black and his debauchery. I'd forgotten." He was disgusted to think of Sasha being dragged down by this hated Marauder. He should have been protecting her not partying.

"Yes well he's already agreed to allow us use of his family home as headquarters."

"How ironic." It annoyed him to think about how Black could afford to throw his money and possessions around. He didn't care about his family home or anything in it even if it was large and valuable. _Spoiled rich prat!_

"Isn't it though?"

Severus trudged off to bed, another long and lonely night ahead of him. He was nervous about seeing Sasha again. He was thinner. His robes hung on him. He needed a shave and also a haircut. He decided to make some adjustments to his wardrobe via the couturis charm and go see the barber on Fleet Street in Hogsmeade tomorrow.

He fought sleep knowing what was to come. The dream was the same for weeks on end.

They walked together hand in hand down a deserted suburban street at sunset with autumn leaves blowing in the warm breeze at their feet. They stopped in front of a small house with warm lamplight spilling from the windows.

He turns to face her and is awestruck by her lovely auburn hair and striking green eyes. "Please don't leave me tonight. I need you. Please stay with me. Say you won't go back to James."

"He's my husband. I love him."

"No. He's bad for you. He can't protect you. I can. Stay with me, please. I'll keep you safe"

"I have to go." She says walking to the door. "I'll see you tomorrow." She says smiling and walking backwards.

"No Lily!" It happens in slow motion. Voldemort opens the door behind her and Severus sees the blood all over his clothes. James' dead body is behind him. She smiles at him as he hears the Dark Lord's voice and sees him raising his wand.

"Avada Kedavra."

"No!" Severus yells but it's too late.

He wakes up each night at this point drenched in sweat and breathing hard. Time has never eased the guilt he feels at not being able to save her.


	30. Chapter 29 Night on the Town

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

Night on the Town

Sirius was feeling a little sad by the time his birthday rolled around in August and Sasha was doing her best to find him some diversion. He had missed so many birthdays in Azkaban all alone. His youth had passed over him and this birthday was making it more obvious. She was making suggestions but he was shooting them all down and she was starting to get annoyed with him. "What can we do tonight that would make you happy?"

"I want to dance with beautiful women. Studio 54." He said with some gusto, finally perking up.

She almost didn't have the heart to tell him, but she had to. "Oh um, you know, that place has actually been closed for like 15 years."

"Really?"

"Really. Disco is way dead my friend." She tousled his hair but felt sorry for him. He'd missed out on so much life while locked away in Azkaban. He looked disappointed.

"Hey maybe all is not lost. There's a much cooler dance club downtown that I know. We can go there."

"I don't know how to dance anymore. It's been a long time, I'll look out of place" He waved her away and slumped in his chair, like a child who didn't get his way.

"Oh who cares? You could always pick it up without much trouble. Come on. We'll dance all night." She was trying to motivate him to go out. Any night they stayed in she ended up sitting outside and stargazing. She worried about Igor and cried for Severus. She didn't want to think about them. Nights out on the town with Sirius were a welcome diversion.

"Hmmm." He considered her proposal thoughtfully.

"I'm buying." She said with a smile while poking him in the ribs.

"Deal!" He laughed. "But remember I have the Black ability to hold my liquor. I won't be a cheap date." He was never a cheap date. _Expensive but worth it. _She thought as she watched him walk to his room to get ready. They had altered his appearance slightly with a shorter haircut and shave. They were however in a foreign country and blending in with Muggles. No one was suspicious for now.

Sirius told her that this place wasn't as cool as Studio 54 the minute they arrived. However it started to look much better after several rounds of shots and lots of wisecracks between the two of them. At one point she looked across the room and saw him surrounded by three beautiful women and charming the hell out of all of them. It would never do for him to bring them all back to her place and she knew he was going to try, so she went over to extract him. "Hands off ladies, he's all mine." He laughed as she grabbed him by the collar and led him to the dance floor. He didn't seemed to mind being dragged away. He smiled and took her hand to find a few feet of space on the dance floor. She'd forgotten what a good dancer he was. He picked up on all the new dances right away and looked like a regular. He was not an elegant dancer like Sev but full of bravado as he moved close to her. Too close for cousins in Sasha's opinion but times had changed. In the middle of all this fun she began to think of Severus and felt depression creeping back in. "Time for another birthday shot Padfoot!"

"Oh yeah!" He danced his way over to the bar and raised two fingers to the bartender. "This has been fun Thash."

"Ha!" She laughed as he was beginning to slur his words. "You're a mess."

"Whoa!" He suddenly had a very curious look on his face and gulped. "That dude looked just like Dumbledore."

"Oh man, we need to take you home." She laughed. He met her eyes and laughed with her. It was silly. "What would Albus be doing here?"

Their shots arrived and they toasted drunkenly in unison the toast they always did when they were in school. "To Godric Gryffindor!" They both threw their heads back as they did their shots and slammed the glasses down in unison. "You know we've really got to make up a new toast. That makes me feel old." She laughed.

"Having fun?" They both froze for a moment as they stared at Dumbledore dressed like an Ivy League professor standing in front of them.

"Pfffhhht." Sirius spit out his shot and erupted in laughter at seeing Albus. Sasha laughed too but was a little nervous. What could he be doing here?

"Albus my good man! You look like you could use a drink!" Sirius slammed his hand on the bar to get the bartender's attention while putting the other arm around Dumbledore.

"You two should be ashamed of yourselves. Out partying when there is a war on in your homeland! Is this what you've done with you summer?" Sasha thought he sounded like one of their fathers after busting them on some childish misdeed. She knew they were about to incur his wrath and that they deserved it.

"Well I tell you it's been a rough job Albus. But I do have weekends off, and I am my own boss!" Sirius exploded with laughter at his own joke as Dumbledore narrowed his eyes in anger. Sasha winced and wished he would shut up.

"It's time to go." Albus said sternly. Sasha was getting worried about why he was here and put an arm around Sirius to start herding him out through the crowd.

"No stay Albus. Check out that woman. I think she likes you. She might need a Dumbledorgasm!" He laughed harder still not seeming to notice that Dumbledore and Sasha were not.

"Get him outside. Now." Dumbledore said to Sasha and then turned to leave.

Sasha obeyed although it was no small feat dragging Sirius out of a party when he'd had too much to drink and didn't want to leave. It wasn't the first time she'd done it though and she knew just how to talk to him.

"Come on Sirius. Let's go get some food." He could usually be bribed with food after a year in the cave doing without.

He put his arm around her as they walked out. He stumbled a bit as they walked and leaned over speaking too loudly into her ear. "You got uth in trouble Thasha."

He was such a mess, she couldn't help but love him. "Me? You were the one that wanted to go Dithco Danthing." she teased and he staggered around laughing again.

"Sasha! Sirius!" Albus bellowed while standing at the exit and they tried very hard to straighten up as they walked out. They followed him out into the warm summer air and around the corner into an alleyway. "Take my arm." He demanded in a very stern tone of voice and they obeyed without further comment. BANG! They quickly apparated onto the balcony of Sasha's penthouse. Sirius immediately ran to the edge and vomited over the side while Sasha did the same into a flower pot.

"Mother always said don't drink and apparate." Sirius quipped. He wiped his mouth on his sleeve and slumped down onto a chaise lounge, crossing his ankles.

"You deserve worse than that, both of you." Dumbledore berated them like a couple of underage wizards. "Look at the two of you! Out carousing with all that's been happening. I guess you haven't checked on Harry once all summer."

"Albus, he's untouchable when he's with the Durlsley's." Sasha tried to defend her cousin since he was in no shape to help himself.

"Never underestimate Lord Voldemort Sasha! And you, I don't suppose you have any idea what Severus has gone through this summer." He accused.

"Severus? Oh Albus, is he alright?" She was suddenly frantic.

"Yes but he's in constant danger. Of course you wouldn't know that. You ran away when he needed you most." He began to plant the seeds of guilt in order to recruit her into the Order. "Off drowning your sorrows while he risks his life for our world. I had no idea you were so self indulgent." He spat out as he paced across the balcony.

The words cut right through her. No wonder he wanted no part of her. She was off recapturing her youth with Sirius, one of Sev's enemies. Lily would have never done something to irresponsible. "He doesn't want me around Albus." she said softly.

"But he needs you. We all need you both. I'm reforming the Order of the Phoenix and I want you both to return to London immediately."

"You want Sirius you don't need me." She said remembering all that happened last time.

"I need both of you. I want you both in residence at Grimmauld Place immediately and available when we need you."

"I won't be much good to you." Sasha was desperately trying to get out of serving in the Order.

"Yes you will. Your contacts alone are invaluable."

"You mean Lucius. You want me to fish for information from him." Her stomach churned at the thought. "Well you can forget it! I won't do that to him. No matter what he's done he's still my brother"

"What if Severus' life depended on it?" His words hung in the air like a bad smell and no one said a word. Even Sirius was shocked into silence as he watched Sasha's reaction. "You'd better start thinking of that choice Sasha. It may be one you have to make sooner or later."

"That's not fair Albus."

"None of this is. Do you think Voldemort cares about what's fair? The Order needs you. Severus needs you, although he may not know it. I need your answer. There is no room for neutrality this time around. You are either with us or against us. Against Severus." He knew just how to play her.

"I'm in." She said looking down and feeling sick for betraying her family. He'd hit her soft spot though. No matter how he felt or rather didn't feel about her, she couldn't refuse him help. She would do anything for him and the thought of him in the thick of this battle with no one who truly cared about him was too much for her.

"Excellent. I want you both in London tomorrow. Don't make me come after you again. I don't have time for it." And with that he was gone. A puff of silver smoke was all that remained.

Sirius put an arm around Sasha as they walked into the penthouse. "Come on let's raid the fridge Sash."

"Ugh, how can you eat after what just happened?" She was irritable at being forced into the Order. She had avoided it last time around under the guise of not fighting against Lucius but it was really so much more. Regulus, Igor and most of all Severus, she couldn't fight against any much less all of them. Now here was Dumbledore calling her out over not being around to help but yet Severus wanted no part of her. Well, the old man was probably right. Sometimes when you love someone you have to do what's best for them even if they don't want you to. She poured herself a glass of water and watched Sirius eating leftover Lo Mein out of the box with chopsticks. "So are you ready for this? Going back to the family home I mean?"

"It's not my home anymore. It hasn't been since I ran away. It will be funny staying there with members of the order though." He looked over at her as she swirled her water and looked into the glass. "Oh cheer up Sash. You can have Mom & Dad's suite."

"I want Regs' room." She said flatly.

He shrugged. "You may have any room you like. I'm sure it's just as he left it. Slytherin rubbish all over the place. You'll probably have to do a fair amount of cleaning before it's livable."

"I'm not changing anything." She needed to feel close to people who cared about her. "Sirius, do you think this is winable?"

"I don't know Sash, but Dumbledore's right. You can't sit it out this time. You're a grown up. Starting acting like it." His eye had it's twinkle back. She knew he was looking forward to the plotting and the fighting. Still the Marauder.

"This from the man who used the word 'Dumbledorgasm' in a sentence tonight." She deadpanned.

Sirius was still quite drunk and laughed heartily. "Come on Sash, let's hit the hay. You're going to need your beauty sleep before you see Snivillus."

She was too exhausted to snap at him for calling him Snivillus. The thought of seeing him again after what happened unnerved her. She walked to the hall mirror and examined her reflection. She needed a haircut before they left town. Perhaps some new clothes too. "Do you think I've gained weight this summer?" She asked. "Tell the truth."

"You look beautiful Sasha. If he can't see that he's not worth it." And he walked off to his room still munching from the box of leftover takeout. Sasha stayed in front of the mirror thinking of Severus and wondering if he ever thought about her. How was she ever going to face him after what she said, and his reaction? She knew sleep would not come tonight and so took out her wand to begin packing and getting ready to close up the apartment.


	31. Chapter 30 The Nobel House of Black

CHAPTER THIRTY

The Noble House of Black

The following morning, Sasha returned to the penthouse from her haircut with two large lattes. As she entered, she saw Sirius just getting up and walking around the living room with bed head. "Here you go Mr. Comedian. Thought you might need this."

"Thanks Sash." He groaned and sat down on the couch, then took a big sip. He looked around at the furniture draped in sheets and trunks by the door. "Looks like you were busy last night."

"Yes well insomnia has it's advantages. Drink up and then we'll get you packed." She had loads of nervous energy this morning. The thought of seeing Severus again was scary but she was looking forward to it. She missed his handsome face. She missed the way he smelled of herbs and potion ingredients. She even missed his biting wit even if it was usually directed at her. Sadly, she thought, he probably did not miss her. He would be completely absorbed in avenging Lily. Sirius took his latte to the shower with him and got ready to leave. When he emerged, Sasha had the rest of his things packed and cast a reducto charm across their belongings so they fit neatly in her backpack. "Ready?"

"If we must." He sighed. They locked arms and apparated to the park across the street from his family home. As Grimmauld Place revealed itself, she was struck as always by how old and run down it looked. It even had this look when it was lived in. She watched him as they approached the door for some reaction but he showed nothing to the world. He waved his wand and the door opened to find Kreacher, the ancient old house elf shuffling around with a feather duster.

"Sirius Black, the biggest disappointment for my poor mistress. Well, well, the prodigal son returns only to find his poor parents long dead with broken hearts. What would my mistress think of this criminal befouling her doorstep once again?" He shuffled about the foyer muttering to himself.

"Damnit Kreacher!" Sirius always let the little guy get to him. "Aren't you dead yet?" Sirius was sneering as he spoke.

"There you are you shiftless little dwarf!" Molly Weasley was shrieking her way down the hallway. "I thought I told you to get your carcass upstairs and knock those cobwebs off the walls. Get moving you little urchin."

Sasha felt her blood begin to boil at hearing Molly talk to the Black family elf in that manner. Who the hell did she think she was taking over the House of Black? "Oh hello Sirius, Sasha." She hugged them both warmly and Sasha swore she saw a little glimmer in Sirius's eyes.

"Sorry about him Molly. I'm afraid you'll never get any work out of that little creep. He never was much good for anything." Sirius apologizing to Molly for the Black family elf was too much for Sasha.

"Well would either of you work for anyone who spoke to you like you speak to Kreacher? Why do you have to be so bloody mean to him? He's a little old man. He was always wonderful with Regulus and I." Sasha was tired from no sleep and annoyed with both of them. "I'll take him upstairs with me and he can help me get unpacked in Reg's room." She started up the stairs to join the old elf.

"Oh Sasha, I thought I'd give that room to Fred and George." Molly corrected her in a bossy tone.

Sasha narrowed her eyes as she looked back at Molly. "Well think again." She said icily. _Wow, that almost sounded like Severus._ "Hello, Kreacher, most faithful servant of Mrs. Black. Do you remember me? Cousin Sasha?" She knelt down on the stairs to meet him at his eye level. He focused his aging eyes on her.

"Sasha Malfoy, favorite cousin and playmate of Master Regulus from the fine family of Malfoy, so unfortunately sorted into that Blood Traitor house." he muttered to no one in particular.

"Yes that's me. Not my finest hour, but I did love your Master Regulus. He was the most favored and honored son of the Nobel House of Black." She made a face at Sirius as she spoke and he made one right back at her. " I'll be staying in Master Regulus' rooms and would like your help in restoring them to their former glory. His room should be the most cared for as is right for the favorite son of his mother. Would you please help me honor him in doing that?"

"Master Regulus was Kreacher's favorite. Yes Miss Sasha, let me help you with your bag." He carried her bag upstairs and got right to work dusting and tiding the room. The room was exactly as she remembered it. Even his old quidditch pictures were still up. Sasha walked into his closet and found his favorite dark green Slytherin sweatshirt with the crest on the front. She buried her face in it hoping that it would still smell like him. It didn't. She put it on over her white shirt and then found his old Slytherin house necktie. She put it on as well and examined herself in the mirror. The shirt was way to big for her but she was going to keep it anyway. She pulled her long blond hair up into a ponytail and prepared to help Kreacher clean the room. Suddenly there was a commotion downstairs. Sasha ran down the steps to find Kingsley and Mad Eye Moody in the hallway.

They were relaying news of a dementor attack on Harry outside his Aunt and Uncle's house. They had been working at the Ministry when they heard about this, his expulsion and upcoming trial. They were organizing a guard detail to pick him up and bring him back to Grimmauld Place. "I'm in!" Sasha said before anyone asked her.

"Sash are you sure about this? It could be dangerous." Sirius cautioned.

"Are you kidding me? A night flight over London with Harry? Try and stop me!"

"Me too!" Sasha turned around to find her much younger cousin Nymphadora Tonks standing in the doorway.

"TONKS!" She yelped and hugged her cousin. They both squealed and laughed. Despite the age difference, Tonks was one of the few girls that Sasha could relate to. Both were outgoing, a little edgey and liked to have fun. "Oh you sure about that? I might show you up." Sasha challanged.

"Not likely! I'm younger than you." They laughed and hugged each other again.

"Alright, little girls, get your act together and let's go." Mad Eye ordered. Sasha grabbed Reg's old Seeker Goggles out of the hall closet where he always kept them and they were off. Sasha and Tonks raced each other all the way to the Dursley's suburban home as the others struggled to keep up. They collected a rather confused and frightened Harry and began the journey back. Tonks was every bit as big of a show off as Sasha on a broomstick and they took turns doing tricks, standing up on their brooms over the Thames. Harry joined them as well until Mad Eye reprimanded all three of them.

When they returned to Grimmauld Place Sasha and Tonks were teasing each other loudly and boasting about their stunts. They practically crashed into the dining room where the other Order members were assembled. Sasha was thrilled to see her old friend Remus Lupin first. "Mooney!" She exclaimed and threw her arms around his neck.

"Sasha! How wonderful to see you again. You're looking well. Ugh, I mean except for that sweatshirt. Did someone steal all your clothes?" He teased her.

"Very funny, this is Regs old shirt. I couldn't resist." She smiled at him not noticing Severus on the edge of the crowd in the shadows.

Severus watched her from a distance with another man as was his usual routine. He was annoyed that the warmest greeting was reserved for one of the Marauders. _Well that's just typical. She doesn't even know I'm here_. Just as he thought this, she saw him. She turned at that moment, met his dark eyes and didn't look away. They both held the connection as she walked across the room to him. Both forgetting anyone else was in the room. One corner of his mouth curled up at the sight of her in a Slytherin crest.

"Severus," she said putting her arms gently around his shoulders and resting her head on his broad chest. "I've been so worried about you. Thank goodness you're alright." She didn't let go of him and he was unsure about what to do next. No one ever greeted him like this. No one was ever glad to see him, at least not sincerely. He clumsily put his arms around her, closed his eyes and enjoyed the smell of her hair as he adored doing. He had no idea how long they remained like that but they were eventually jolted back to reality by the sound of Sirius clearing his throat. He opened his eyes and realized much to his chagrin, that they were being stared at. They broke their embrace as people began to take their seats and the meeting came to order.

She sat beside him and he found it difficult to focus. He was thinking about their embrace. "Are you well Severus? You feel thin?"

Something stirred inside him at the way she said that. He felt thin to her. She was thinking of the way his body felt against hers. _ Merlin! Dumbledore was right. Having her around is dangerous_. He looked down his nose at her, "I've been busy Sasha. Not everyone took the summer off. Been having fun have you?"

"Well Sirius and I needed a diversion." She looked down, seemingly embarrassed at her childish behavior.

"How wonderful for you." He felt himself slipping into his old patterns again. She'd been out carousing while he'd been running himself into the ground for the survival of their world.

"Sev, I know you think I deserted you, but after all that happened I just didn't know where to turn. I'm back now, and I'm going to help you." She whispered this as she put her hand on his under the table.

He was struck by her sincerity and couldn't cut her with words as was his normal pattern. He felt a soft spot for her knowing she loved someone she would never have, him. She actually reminded him of himself. He was worn out from his summer of spying and the fight was out of him for trivial things like this. He was going to be kinder to her from now on. As the only person who gave a damn about him she deserved that much.

"I'm glad you're here Sasha." He looked into her beautiful turquoise eyes and thought she looked like she was going to cry. "But you know this isn't a game. It's going to be very dangerous."

"I'm willing to accept the risk." She said quickly.

Arthur called the meeting to order and heated discussions of strategy began.

Severus watched Sasha's reactions as she began to get a taste for the wide variety of opinions in the group. He knew how she dreaded discord and wondered what she would think of their debates. The Weasley's were very protective of Harry and what was told to him. Sirius and Mad Eye saw him as more of a man and wanted to bring him into the fold. Sasha appeared shocked at how Molly would verbally assault her cousin, as she saw her needling him about not being around for Harry all summer. Severus too joined the pile on and took a few shots at him as well suggesting that Harry would turn out to be branded a criminal just like Sirius. She appeared to take a rather clinical eye and he decided she would probably approach this as she would any quidditch game.

They had a second mission to accomplish tonight. Someone needed to break into the Department of Mysteries determine the location of a prophecy however they knew that Lucius and possibly other Death Eaters would be doing the same, possibly tonight. Severus volunteered to go.

"No way, not Severus. That's way too dangerous." The words were out of Sasha's mouth before she could think about what people would think of them.

Severus felt his neck grow hot at the second occasion of the night when she had called attention to him. She must have realized this herself and tried to recover. "I mean, he's our only person on the inside and if he's caught it would severely damage our position."

"Perhaps you'd like to go yourself Miss Malfoy." Mad eye interjected with sarcasm.

"Gladly." She was never one to back down from a challenge.

"And what possible plausible story could you invent if you were discovered? Out for a midnight stroll?" Severus sneered at Sasha. "I'll tell them I heard of their plans and decided to join them. I'm the only logical choice." Everyone else agreed and the meeting concluded. The Order members left the table to help Molly with dinner, go upstairs to collect the teenagers or gather about the fire to discuss the rubbish in the Daily Prophet.

Severus quietly slipped out of the room to collect his coat from the hall closet and prepare to leave. When he accepted these assignments, no one ever followed to wish him luck or give him encouragement. He worked alone and they took him for granted. This time however Sasha followed him, her face grave with concern. She took his coat from his hands and helped him put it on then started buttoning the buttons for him like he was a boy. "Sev, will you come straight back here when you're done?"

He gave an exasperated sigh. She was so inexperienced at all of this. "Sasha I can't make that promise, I might be followed and if that's the case I won't be back here tonight."

"Well let me know somehow, the flu." She argued.

He pushed her hands away and worked on his own buttons while rolling his eyes at her. "Damnit Sasha! I've got work to do and I can't do it if you're clucking around like a mother hen."

She took a step back and looked at him, her face unreadable. It tempted him to read her thoughts but she spoke again and he didn't need to. "I just don't want you to get hurt." She touched his shoulder and again he softened towards her.

He put both hands on her shoulders like he used to when trying to build up her confidence in Potions class. "I'll get word to you if at all possible, but if you don't hear from me, try not to worry. This mission isn't as dangerous as some others I've accomplished. I'm not worried about it."

She breathed a sigh of relief. He managed a rare smile. "By the way I like your shirt." He said sarcastically as he turned to walk out the door. Her laughter was the last thing he heard before going out into the cold.


	32. Chapter 31 Sweet Dreams

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

Sweet Dreams

The clock struck midnight and the knots in Sasha's stomach tightened up. He should have returned hours ago. Perhaps he was back at Hogwarts and forgot to check in. No, he never forgot anything. If he wasn't checking in, he had either made the conscious decision not to, or he was unable to. For once she hoped he was being inconsiderate. Sasha watched the fire in the large study of the Black home. She could have enjoyed the peace and quiet if she weren't so worried. No one had a moments peace in this house with so many people coming and going. She opened a book, and then shut it. She tapped her fingers on the chair arm, then got up to pace. A floorboard creaked behind her and she whipped around ready to greet her returning hero.

But it was only Sirius. "Come to bed Sash. I'm sure he's fine and just being his usual thoughtless self."

"Hush up!" She hissed at him. "Do you think I could sleep right now?" He'll contact us. I know he will."

"You're going to have loads of sleepless nights to come I'm afraid." He yawned.

"Well what else is new?" She was always up thinking about him.

They were interrupted by a knock at the door. They exchanged worried looks. Severus would have just come in without knocking. He knew the spells and passwords to gain entrance. Sirius put a finger to his lips telling her to be quiet as he crept down the hall to the door. He drew his wand and Sasha did the same. He peered through the peephole and then quickly opened the door. It was Stan Shunpike carrying the limp body of Severus Snape. Sasha tried to scream but nothing came out. She ran to him and noticed blood on his head and coat her hands started to tremble.

"I think he'll be all right miss. He came flying down the alley and slap into me bus. Nasty bump and knocked out but e'll be all right."

Sasha wasn't listening to him. "Oh Severus, oh my darling." She was overwhelmed and kissed his head smoothing his hair. He tried to speak but couldn't. Stan watched this with a confused look on his face.

Sirius tried to take charge as master of the house. "Take him to the couch by the fire."

"No, he's too tall for that. It will be uncomfortable. Take him upstairs to Reg's room. Follow me Stan." She led him upstairs.

"Oh how convenient for you." Teased Sirius.

"Shut up and make yourself useful. Go make some tea for all of us." She barked at him. How could he tease her at a time like this? "Get some ice too."

The entered the chambers of Regulus Black, and Stan set him down on the bed. Sasha removed his jacket and loosened his collar. Then she removed his boots. She stopped again to smooth his hair and kiss his forehead. Then she found a blanket to keep him warm. Sirius returned with the ice and handed it to Sasha who put it on the bump on his head and checked his heart rate the way the muggle doctors did. While she nursed, Sirius addressed the strategy issues.

"Did anyone see you?"

"No sir. He was flying so fast, like someone was chasing him, but I didn't see anyone. Picked him up and put him on the bus. He was still conscious and I asked where he wanted to go. He gave this address and told me how I could get past the charms you used to hide it but then he passed out." Stan provided very little detail and Sirius seemed anxious to get him out of there.

"Thank you very much Stan. He's very lucky it was you. Grouchy bugger like that, you know some people wouldn't have helped him."

"Will you two get out of here?" Sasha was annoyed that they were talking about him like he wasn't in the room. She also wanted to be alone with him.

"Yes, I'm sure he needs quiet. I'll walk you out Stan." Sirius put an arm over Stan's shoulder and herded him out.

They left the room and Sasha at last had a moment alone with Severus. She sniffed back a few tears and continued to hold the ice on his head. For small injuries such as this she preferred muggle techniques to wizarding methods. The cut wasn't large and his hair would cover it but as was normal with a head wound, it bled profusely. Finally it was starting to subside. "Oh Severus, my love," she said kissing his forehead "it's okay, I'm with you now." She kissed his lips gently. Sirius had returned and was watching from the doorway unseen by Sasha.

She held his hand and stroked his cheeks with the back of her fingers. "It's okay now. You're safe. I'm here. I'll take care of you." She pulled his hand to her face and kissed it. He began to stir a bit and mumble something. "What is it Severus?"

"Is that you?" He breathed.

"Yes darling it's me." She smiled though her tears.

"Don't leave me." He spoke with great effort but didn't open his eyes.

"No," she choked. "No, I won't." She was overjoyed that he would want her there. "I'll stay right here with you."

"Promise me." His voice was uncharacteristically raspy.

"I'll promise you anything."

"Promise me you won't go back to James tonight. I love you. I've always loved you."

For a moment, everything froze. Sasha closed her eyes tightly and tried to block it out. Her head dropped and she bit her lip hard. Suddenly there was so much pressure in her head she thought it would explode. _Of course he didn't mean me._ How could she be so foolish as to think he would want her here? It took all she had to keep herself together. She took deep breaths choking on tears and tried not to let him hear her.

"Lily, where are you?" He moaned again when she didn't respond. Sirus entered the room and put a hand on Sasha's shoulder to pull her away. She angrily snapped her shoulder away and smacked his hand with the back of hers. This was her lot in life. She chose this. It would never be any other way. Her eyes narrowed as she prepared for what she knew she had to do.

"I'm here Severus." She held his hand in hers and put it to her face again. She took great care to make her voice sound as sweet and melodious as she could. Just like Lily. "I promise I won't leave. Can you feel me holding your hand?"

"Yes," something resembling a smile crossed his face. "You won't go back to James?"

"Heavens no. That prat? I hate James Potter." She said kissing his forehead again. She was surprised at how she much she meant that at the moment. "He's a pompous ass and I'm never going back. I'm staying right here with you but you have to promise me you'll rest."

"Okay, just don't leave." He breathed, still with his eyes closed. "I love you Lily."

"I love you too Severus." She kissed his lips and he began to drift into a deeper sleep. She rested her head on the side of bed still holding his hand and sobbed quietly. Sirius again put a hand on her shoulder but she didn't shrug him off this time.

"Come to bed Sasha. I'll sit up with him. This is too much for you." He said quietly. He really could be kind when he was moved to be.

"Do you really think I'd leave him after I promised to stay? I wouldn't leave him for the world." She said without lifting her head. "You go to bed. I'll watch him."

"Who's going to watch you my dear?" He sighed with resignation knowing she wasn't going anywhere. "I'll go get that tea."


	33. Chapter 32 The Morning After

CHAPTER THIRTY TWO

The Morning After

Severus opened his eyes and tried to focus on his surroundings. He felt foggy. There was morning light coming though the window highlighting a fair amount of dust in the room. The first thing he could make out was a giant Slytherin crest on the wall opposite him. Beside it were old pictures of Slytherin quidditch teams and a LedZepplin poster. _How the hell did I end up in the Slytherin dorms?_ He wondered. The last thing he remembered was flying down an alleyway after leaving the Department of Mysteries and hoping he wasn't followed.

"Well, well it lives. Good Morning Snivellus." Sirius sneered from a chair in the corner. _How did this mongrel gain entrance into Slytherin House? _ Then things started to come back to him and he realized he must be at Number 12 Grimmauld Place. Then he remembered his wonderful dream. Lily leaving James to stay with him, it was the most blissful dream he had ever had. He struggled to hold on to this feeling as one frequently does when waking. In a few minutes this feeling would fade and the dream would as well.

"Oh Severus!" He felt something move near his hand. It was Sasha, with her hair askew and looking lovely at this hour of the morning. How long had she been there? "Oh thank goodness. How's your head?" She looked grateful that he was awake. She moved to touch his forehead but he pulled her hand away annoyed that she was interrupting his remembrance. She looked dejected. "Did you sleep well?"

He sighed. "Best night sleep I've had in years. I had the most wonderful dream." He mused. "I should knock myself out more often."

A peculiar look crossed her face as she stared at him, blinking a few times. "Brilliant." She said while standing up. "I'll go get your breakfast. Don't get up till you've eaten. I don't want you getting light headed."

"Sasha." Sirius got up to follow her. Severus wondered why he sounded so concerned. She waved him off but didn't turn around.

"I'm fine Sirius. You check the cut on Sev's head and change the bandage if need be. I'll be right back." As she left the room Severus noticed that her hands were shaking. _What's gotten into her?_

Sirius rolled his eyes with an exasperated sigh, and then dutifully approached Severus to change the bandage.

Severus pushed his hand off violently. "Not on your life you filthy dingo." He got up and walked to the mirror over the dresser where he ripped off the bandage. He observed his scar for a moment and then with a flick of his wand, it disappeared. "Where is my coat?" He said scanning the room.

"Over there. Aren't you even going to eat the breakfast Sasha's making for you?"

"What? Oh, no. No time. You eat it. You look like an underfed stray."

Sirius made a sudden shift from surly to downright angry. "Merlin! You're a fucking idiot!"

"What's your problem Black? Skip your rabies shot this year?" Severus smirked at him while sitting down to pull on his boots.

"Do you ever think of anyone but yourself?" Sirius barked at him.

"Are you kidding me? Do you see the roll I play on a daily basis while you're holed up here being coddled in your luxury home? You have no right to make judgments on me." Severus hissed at him.

"Oh I think I have the right. I'm sick of watching you treat Sasha this way."

"What way? What are you talking about? This isn't about breakfast obviously."

"Tell me Snivellus has anyone ever told you that you talk in your sleep or is this a new development?" Sirius raised his eyebrows and cocked his head back and to the side.

Severus froze. What had they heard? Had they read his thoughts? He felt exposed, violated. If Sasha knew about his dream, then of course it would bother her. Worse still, this dog had heard as well. How he hated Sirius Black.

Sirius narrowed his eyes and began to walk towards him. "Look Snivelly, I don't give a damn about you, or your happiness, or your dreams of a dead woman, who was my best friend's wife by the way. But when you are in my house, you _will _treat Sasha well." He paused as if expecting a response and when he got none, he continued. "I've watched for years as you dragged her heart through the mud and she put up with your bullshit, but I'm done. I don't know what she sees in you and quite frankly I'm glad you aren't interested because if I was ever related to you I would positively vomit. But she deserves better treatment than this."

Severus leapt up ready for combat. "Do you presume to stand there and give me romantic advice?" He snorted. "Merlin! I thought you and Karkaroff were in a race to see who could get a social disease named after them first." Severus snapped and hoped to get him on the defensive with this but to no avail.

"Don't try to change the subject you overgrown bat." Sirius was fuming and couldn't stop. "Now you will sit here and eat whatever the hell she brings you. You will make polite conversation and you will say thank you. Am I clear?" Sirius was an inch from his nose and the two wizards glared at each other.

Just then Sasha returned with a tray and Sirius walked away. "Oh good, Sev, no scar. You're all healed up." Severus was still glaring at Sirius. "Will you have your morning tea with us Sirius?"

"No, I've no appetite this morning." He kissed Sasha on the cheek and left the room.

Sasha turned her full attention on Severus. "Sit down Sev. I thought I told you not to get up until you've eaten." She spread a small bit of honey on his toast and then poured his tea and handed it to him. He swallowed hard considering the sweetness of this gesture. If she was upset by whatever he said in his sleep, she didn't show it. He felt uncomfortable as he remembered how she used to do this for Igor when he was sinking into depression and how he wished someone would do that for him. Now here she was caring for him, possibly while carrying a heavy heart. She smiled softly at him. "Go ahead and drink. It will make you feel better." He sipped the tea and was again taken aback. Earl Grey, no sugar, exactly the way he liked it. He narrowed his eyes and looked into the cup. "It's how you usually like it right?"

"Yes." He said meekly. "How did you know that?"

"I make it my business to know all about you." She teased.

He was eager to change the subject and avoid admitting to himself that Sirius was right. That was too bitter a pill to swallow this early in the morning. "So what room is this?"

"It belonged to Regulus. I'm staying here and trying to keep Molly from getting rid of all his stuff. It makes me feel closer to him to be in this room just like he left it." She mused, and then turned her attention back on him. "Are you sure your head's okay? You took a pretty bad bump and you look a little shaky this morning" She smoothed his hair out of his face as she spoke. He loved it when she did that. Her hands smelled like honey and Earl Grey tea at the moment.

"Yes, I'll be fine Sasha. Thank you for taking care of me." He said with sincerity.

Her face lit up. "My pleasure." She said patting his leg. "Please drop in anytime you've been hit by the knight bus." He laughed a little and she gave him a friendly hug. As always, she was easy on him and he was relieved. He was especially appreciative after Sirius had berated him. He could always turn to Sasha for comfort. Perhaps Sirius was right. She did deserve better treatment.

Remus and Arthur entered the room and began to question him about the mission from the previous night. Sasha smiled at him as she poured him one last cup of tea before exiting the room. After an hour of strategy discussion, it was time for him to make his way back to Hogwarts. As he buttoned up his coat and headed for the door. Before he could leave Sasha caught up with him.

"Do you have to go so soon?" She asked. She sounded like a little girl when she said this. As if she wanted to play and there was no war on.

"Yes. I do." He answered. "Sasha, thank you again for taking care of me. I'm in your debt. You and Sirius."

"Don't be silly. I'd do anything for you Severus." Her voice wavered and she suddenly looked away, like her last sentence had escaped her mouth before she could stop it.

He pulled her close and held her for a moment, valuing her friendship as a rarity in his life. He kissed the top of her head and then let go. "Be careful Sasha." He left wondering when he would see her again.


	34. Chapter 33 Surprise Party

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

Surprise Party

Surprise Party

Severus didn't see Sasha for the next month. He was consumed with work and spying on the Dark Lord. It was nearly impossible to steal away from Hogwarts with Delores Umbridge in place as High Inquisitor. _Nosey witch._ He despised her. At the end of September he was able to return to Number Twelve Grimmauld Place. He made sure to avoid the social period of dinner and arrive late but in time for the actual meeting. He didn't want to face Sasha or Sirius after his embarrassing incident in August. He hated anyone having knowledge about him that could be used against him later. He also didn't want to hurt her anymore. He knew how it felt to love someone who would never be yours. Each interaction was agony.

He cast the non-verbal spells to allow him to access the mansion and entered the dark and dreary foyer. No wonder Sirius hated this place. It was like a dreary cave. Just a more expensive version of Spinners End in his opinion. As he hung up his coat he heard people singing. "Happy Birthday Dear Sasha, Happy Birthday to you!" He entered the dining room just in time to se Sasha blow out the candles on her birthday cake. He didn't know it was her birthday. It never even occurred to him to ask when it was.

"What did you wish for Sasha?" Tonks chimed in as everyone clapped. At that moment Sasha looked up and met his eyes. She smiled broadly at him but didn't speak He didn't have to read her thoughts to know that she wished for him.

"Happy Birthday Sasha." He said as he leaned against the doorway and crossed his arms. It was uncharacteristic of him to ever lean on anything. However Karkaroff used to do it all the time and Severus thought it probably looked suave to women. She gave him a puzzled look. _What the hell am I doing?_ He remembered himself and quickly stood up straight.

"It's good to see you Sev." She smiled and did look genuinely glad to see him. She was the only on in the room that felt that way.

Molly quickly jumped in and started cutting pieces of the cake for Sasha to serve while Sirius and Tonks argued over who got the one with the most chocolate icing. He remained in the doorway watching her. As she leaned forward to serve the others at the table, he peered down her blouse. His mouth was watering.

"Fancy a piece?" Tonks interrupted his fantasy while sticking a plate of cake in front of him.

"What?" For a second he thought she read his mind. She smirked and raised an eyebrow at him.

"Oh, no. No thank you." He was annoyed with himself for stammering.

"Come on it's Sasha's birthday." She smiled at him, the only other welcoming face here.

"Severus doesn't like sweets, do you Sev?" Sasha took the plate back from Tonks.

"No, not really." _How did she know that? Did I tell her?_

"Are you sure? Don't you even want to try it? It's delicious. How about just a little bite? Sasha tried to persuade him.

He rolled his eyes thinking she sounded like Molly. "Alright, just a bite." He reached for the fork when she put a bite on the fork and poised to feed it to him. He was taken aback by such an intimate gesture and quickly looked around to make sure no one was looking. They weren't. So he let her feed him this taste. The flavor was delicious, sweet, rich and decadent, just like Sasha. He was entranced as they kept their eyes on each other during this exchange.

"Does that taste good to you?" She said seductively or so he thought. He merely nodded fearing what his voice may sound like. "I thought you would like it. You know there are so many things you would enjoy if you would try them. Don't close yourself off. You might miss something." She rubbed her hand on his arm and handed him the plate. Then she turned to help Molly clean up a bit before the meeting. Sev stood there wondering why he felt like he just did something naughty.

Just then Remus came bounding down the stairs with a large box. "Hey Molly. An owl just brought this huge box."

"Goodness that's beautiful wrapping. Who's it for?" She said touching the ribbon.

"Dunno. It says Cassi-o" He appeared to struggle with the name.

"That's for me." Sasha said ripping the box away from him.

Severus watched closely. He assumed it was from Lucius but worried that he would send it here. He wasn't supposed to know her whereabouts. Sasha opened the box with glee like a child on Christmas morning. She pulled out a beautiful coat, olive green cashmere with chocolate brown fur trim just like the one Igor used to wear. "Oh how gorgeous" she said putting it on and running to the mirror.

Tonks snatched the card out of the bottom of the box and read aloud. "Something to keep you warm when I can't. Your Devoted, Orion."

"What?" Sasha seemed genuinely surprised. "Give me that." She took the card back and examined it. She looked at Sirius who shrugged and raised his eyebrows.

"Who's Orion?" Tonks inquired seemingly loving this romantic soap opera.

"It's just a nickname for an old friend." Sasha took the coat off and put it back in the box. "Molly shall we get this cleaned up before the meeting?" She seemed anxious to have the focus off her. As she collected dishes Severus noticed she wasn't looking at him. She collected his plate without acknowledging him. He was annoyed that this gift had intruded in on their closeness. _Who the hell was Orion? Keep her warm indeed! _

He studied her closely throughout the meeting. He wondered if she had met someone since returning to London. No, she said it was an old friend. What old friend would know she was here? Was it Lupin? Probably not, he was living in the same house and would be available to keep her warm any time she so desired. _Ugh, there was an ugly thought._ Karakroff seemed a more likely choice. That cheesy line sounded like him. And that coat, it was old fashioned and made her look like a czarina. Only he would choose that. And what was with "Cassiopeia"? What kind of nickname what that? So he still hadn't given up on her. He wondered if he had been to London. He was going to find out.

Sasha glanced at him several times but quickly looked away when he noticed. He probably looked like he was drilling holes through her with his eyes. This kind of thing was why she needed protection. Even if Karkaroff hadn't been here, he obviously knew her whereabouts and here she was maintaining some meaningless sexual relationship with a fugitive. Or maybe it wasn't meaningless. Could her feelings have changed that quickly?

When the meeting was over, he pulled her aside. "Who's the coat from?"

She looked perturbed that he would even ask, rolling her eyes. "You heard. Orion."

"Who the hell is Orion?" He demanded.

"I've already said he was an old friend. Try to keep up Severus." She turned her back on him to leave.

He was livid that she would avoid his question. He grabbed her arm. "Don't walk away from me. How does he know you're here?"

She looked down at his hand gripping her arm and then back up at him, her eyebrows arched. Severus removed his hand and tried to soften his expression. "I don't know. He probably assumed I'd be with Sirius."

"Did it ever occur to you that the coat could be from someone else? It could have a curse on it, or some type of listening device. You should have let me look at it before you put it on."

"I highly doubt that."

"Why would you doubt it?"

She considered telling him about Cassiopeia but he wouldn't care and it would make her feel disloyal to Igor. "I just do. You're being silly"

"I am never silly." He snapped. "You must become more cautious or you will endanger us all."

He was right. In matters like this he usually was. "Fine then. Why don't you check it out if you're so worried." He followed her into the other room and levitated the coat out of the box. He examined it closely and repeated a few incantations designed to reveal curses. She loved the way his voice sounded in this beautiful chant. He seemed to focus on the lining for some time and then dropped it back into the box. "Well, do you see any issues with it?" She asked.

"Other than it being out of date and the color looking like shit on you, no," He spat.

His wit took her by surprise and she laughed even thought he'd insulted her. "Well, why don't you go buy me one that you find more attractive." She teased.

She could swear she saw one corner of his mouth start to turn up in a smile. If it did though he stopped it and raised one eyebrow at her. "Try to be more careful Sasha."

She gave him a patronizing grin. "Yes Severus I will be more careful."

"See that you are." He turned and walked down the hallway and out of her life again.

Sasha turned her focus to the drawing room where she heard Sirius and Remus chatting. She marched in with purpose. "So Sirius. When did you have time to go shopping for this coat." She said throwing it at his head.

He and Lupin laughed loudly and slid down in their chairs. "Oh no! How did you know it was me?"

"You have abysmal penmanship!" She glared at him. "You know after all these years I thought you two jackasses had put aside your differences with Severus, but here you are trying to set him up again."

"What? Snivellus? I didn't know he was coming tonight? He hasn't been around in a month. Oh no my dear that joke was only supposed to be for you. 'Cassiopeia' my darling. Look into my eyes." He said sitting on Lupin's lap.

"Orion, take me away to the Kasbah." Said Lupin in a girly voice and pushing Sirius off his lap onto the floor. They were laughing uncontrollably now.

"I will say Sash, that watching Severus try to riddle though the whole thing during our meeting was worth it all. Perfectly classic. If only James were here. I would pay money to see that again."

Sasha was really steamed now. "For your information, he was worried that we had a security breach. Someone's got to be responsible around here."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Oh Okay, fine. We'll go with that theory." He and Lupin snickered again.

"Where did you get this ugly thing anyway?" She asked.

"Mother's closet." He giggled. "Don't you like it?"

"The color looks like shit on me. Burn it!" She stomped up the stairs to the sounds of their laughter.

Severus apparated just outside of Hogwarts and fumed all the way to his room. The label on that coat was from an expensive tailor that had been out of business for 20 years. Obviously Black had dug this out of his mother's closet. _Miserable Dingo. One day he will get his. _


	35. Chapter 34 Cozy Afternoon

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

A Cozy Afternoon

_AN: Sorry for the late update. Life is keeping be busy but also I'm having major writer's block. Having a few beers on a Saturday night with G.O.F on TV tonight and hopefully something good will come of it. Do we think Sasha drinks beer? I do. Not Sev though-liquor over ice for him (when he's not on the wagon). _

The first Saturday in October was a beautiful morning in London with the crisp smell of fall in the air. Sasha could hear leaves rustling outside her window as the first light of morning peeked through the curtains. She rose early, dressed for her days outing and headed down to the kitchen. Sirius and Molly were already up. Molly was working on breakfast while Sirius sat at the table engrossed in the Daily Prophet.

"Morning Sash. Care for some tea?" Sirius sounded unusually chipper this morning.

"You know I never drink that stuff. I'll get a coffee someplace on my way out."

"Way out? Are you going someplace today Sasha?" Molly asked while she rattled the pots and pans.

"Hogsmeade. I need a new coat." Replied Sasha as she reached for a grapefruit and began to peel it like an orange.

"Ha!" Sirius threw his head back and slapped his knee. "Don't like the one from your friend _Orion._" He drawled the name Orion, enjoying tormenting her.

"No!" She snarled and made a sarcastic face.

"Oh, I thought that coat was lovely Sasha." Molly chimed in.

"You take it then. The color will look so much better with your hair. It looks like shit on me." Sasha said dismissively while Sirius continued to giggle.

"Thank you! Oh I can't wait to wear it!" The grateful tone in Molly's voice reminded her of the difference in their financial situations and made her feel guilty that she didn't do more things like this for the family. She remembered Ron's awful dress robes last year and resolved to be more thoughtful.

"Aren't the best tailors in London? Why go all the way to Hogsmeade?" asked Molly.

"Severus Snape isn't in London that's why Molly." Sirius looked over his paper with one eye and waited for the explosion.

"Damnit Sirius! Why don't you just take out an ad in the Daily Prophet?" Sasha threw a peeling at him as he hid behind his paper again. The peeling hit the paper and dropped on the floor.

"What? You and Professor Snape? Sasha, that's wonderful! I had no idea! How long has this been going on?" Molly gushed and sat down at the table eager to hear the play by play. She appeared to love a juicy bit of gossip almost as much as Sirius.

"It's NOT going on Molly. We're just friends. Sirius thinks he's funny." She made a face at him.

"Well then why are you going to Hogsmeade on the day of the first Hogwarts visit?" Sirius asked pointedly.

_Damn, he figured that out._ "For your information, I enjoy the flight and it's a great morning for it. Merlin! It's like living with Rita Skeeter!" Sasha rolled her eyes and shoved a bit of grapefruit in her mouth.

"You know Sasha, he's not bad looking. With his dark hair and yours so golden, why you'd make a striking couple. You're both single and you're one of the only people he seems to be able to tolerate." Molly loved to offer free unsolicited advice.

"What are you? My mother? So I should date him because I'm the only person he can stand? How romantic! I'm out of here. You two will have to harass Remus and Tonks for the rest of the day." Sasha left the table eating more grapefruit as she went.

"Now there's an idea!" Molly's spirits seemed to lift at the prospect of matchmaking.

Sasha grabbed her broom and Reg's old goggles from the closet as Tonks entered the hallway yawning. "Morning Sash. Is there tea left?"

"Yes but beware, Molly the matchmaker and Sirius the stupid are on a roll this morning" She headed out the door to avoid further questions.

In contrast to the London weather, Hogwarts was overcast and a misty rain was starting. Sasha walked through the streets by some stores that she knew Severus to frequent. She spent a few moments in the bookstore checking for him in the aisles. Then she walked through the other end of town to the Three Broomsticks.

The tavern was uncharacteristically empty for a Saturday Hogwarts weekend. Only a few patrons and staff were puttering around. She spotted him at a table by the fireplace with his back to the door reading a book. Probably a new purchase she guessed. She admired the way his dark hair looked in the firelight, glossy and ebony. It was tempting to run her hands over it but he would never tolerate that.

As she walked over to his table she caught her reflection in a mirror behind the bar and was unnerved. Her hair was windblown and she looked pale. She began to lose her nerve. If Severus Snape had a type, Lily Evans was obviously it. Sasha sadly looked nothing like her. Lily was ginger haired, slight and delicate boned. Sasha resembled Lucius, flaxen haired, strong featured and athletically built. She wondered if she should consider changing her hair to a shade with more of a ginger tone but quickly decided that would look too desperate. She took a deep breath and tried to psych herself up. _Gryffindor for the brave of heart. _She repeated this in her mind as she walked up behind him.

"Hello Severus." He turned around and looked a bit confused at seeing her.

"Sasha! This is a surprise. What brings you to The Three Broomsticks?" He gave her a weak smile.

"Oh I just flew over to do a bit of shopping and thought I'd stop in for some refreshment. Can I buy you lunch?" She asked hopefully.

"I've eaten." He replied flatly.

"How about dessert? I bet they have chocolate cake." She tried to tease him but his face was now impassive. He raised one eyebrow at her.

"Perhaps a firewhiseky."

"It's far too early and besides that I'm on the wagon." He said in monotone.

Sasha sighed. He never made things easy for her. "Oh right. Good for you. Tea then? Come on Severus I'm running out of options."  
"Fine." He sounded annoyed but at least he accepted the offer of tea.

Sasha motioned the waitress over. "We'll have a pot of coffee, and a pot of Earl Grey Tea." He smiled when he heard her order. It gave him a warm feeling the she knew what to order for him without asking. They were developing a closeness that he hadn't had with anyone in a very long time.

"So what are we shopping for today?" He asked with a vaguely patronizing tone, as one would address a child.

"I thought I'd look for a new coat since you didn't like the one I got for my birthday." She quipped. "What was it you said? Oh yes, that the color looked like shit on me."

"Sorry if I offended you but it did. I'd think Sirius could do better for your birthday than to dig that relic out of his mother's closet." He watched for her reaction.

"Amazing Severus! How on earth did you figure that out?" She waved her hands for emphasis.

He chuckled a bit, glad that he had caught her off guard. "It was obvious really. The coat reeked of moth balls and the designer name on the label has been out of business for at least 20 years." Mme Rosemerta brought the tray of beverages over and they were silent for a moment.

She studied him. "Hmmm, Severus Snape knows designers. My whole image of you is completely blown out of the water. That's a little disturbing actually. Something you're not telling me?"

"Years of window shopping." He paused for a moment watching her pour his tea and hand it to him with a smile. Such a caring gesture. "You may not understand this considering your background but when you grow up poor, window shopping is all you can afford. You look, you dream, you plan what you'll buy if you can afford it one day."

"Hmm, I guess I never considered that. Tell me something then. I'm not asking this to make you angry again but when you saw Ron the night of the Yule Ball, you know he is going through the same kind of thing as you did. Why didn't you want to help him?"

"No one ever helped me." He snapped.

"Does that make it right?"

"Sasha doing things yourself is always best. Then you're never indebted to anyone. Everything you have is yours and yours alone."

She admired him as he spoke. He was so independent. He never worried about what people thought or wanted him to do. He was a master of his own destiny. "You're a self made man Severus Snape. That's something to be very proud of. Not many people can say that."

"I'm not proud of everything." He mused while looking at the fire and sipping his tea.

"Most people aren't." She patted his hand and then pulled back before he could.

He was starting to feel uncomfortable with the topic of conversation. Why did things always become so personal with her? "So Molly or Tonks didn't want to come shopping with you?"

"I didn't ask them. I needed a break from the Grimmauld Place folks." She sighed and sipped her coffee.

"I thought you got on well with all of them."

"I do, but I'm used to living alone. I rather like my solitude at times. Sirius was cooped up in Azkaban so long that he requires constant companionship. He can't stand to be alone. The kids are always coming and going, as are all the order members. Molly's constantly cleaning and bossing people around and then they're all yelling at poor Kreacher. No wonder he doesn't do anything for them. I like my space. I stay in my room a lot but it's just claustrophobic and Sirius is always coming in without knocking. I had to get out."

"Hmm, Sasha Malfoy isn't as social as everyone thinks. Even she has her limits. Now my image of you has been altered." He set down his empty teacup and wondered if she would pour him more.

"I'm full of surprises in case you haven't noticed. Would you like some more tea?" She said noticing his empty cup. She picked it up and looked into the bottom of the cup. A sly smile crossed her lips and she teased him in her best Trewaley voice. "You! You are in graaaaave danger." She leaned into him for emphasis as Trewaley tended to do.

"It doesn't take the gift of divination to deduce that." He snorted. Aren't we all in danger these days?"

"I suppose we are. You especially." They were both silent for a moment and she searched quickly for safer ground. "How's Sybil doing these days? I hear Umbridge has been giving her a rough time."

"As expected but you'll recall she's unstable on a good day. Umbridge is harassing everyone. Fudge's little toady has demolished the Defense Against the Dark Arts curriculum. It's so abysmal that the students are at the Hogs Head right now forming their own class. I'm not supposed to know that however."

"Good for them." She was suddenly very interested. "Who's taking the lead on that project?"

"Potter!" He sounded thoroughly disgusted. "He's the only one presumptuous enough to think the could actually teach a class."

"Well Sev, he's definitely a leader and he did fight you know who on several occasions." She just had to take up for the boy. He was a favorite of hers.

"You're ALWAYS defending him!" He growled

"You're always condemning him." Her gentle tone in pointing this out made him angry and he sat there in stony silence. She busied herself pouring more tea for him and handed the cup back to him. He felt warmth come over him and accepted the cup. He began to wonder about her true motivations in coming here. It was permanently in his nature to be suspicious.

"I thought you were going shopping." It sounded slightly like an accusation.

She looked out the window and then at him. "I think I'll stay a little longer until the weather lets up. Why don't you tell me about that book you're reading."

He raised one eyebrow. "Looking for safer topics?"

"Yes, before I'm banished from your presence." She teased in a dramatic voice while putting the back of her hand to her forehead. "You pick a topic then."

"Seen Karkaroff lately?" He way dying to know.

"Merlin! Is that your idea of a safe topic? No. I don't expect to either. I'm sure he's deep in hiding somewhere. He won't risk contact with me until this is all over. If he survives that long." She trailed off.

'How chivalrous." He retorted with sarcasm. When she didn't engage him after that response he tried a more genuine angle. "And then what?"

"What do you mean?"

"In the best of all worlds, he survives and comes back to you. Then what will you do?"

Sasha sighed and shifted in her seat, not liking where this was going. "I don't know. I haven't thought that far ahead. Perhaps I'll stay in England." She was avoiding the question she knew he was truly asking.

"You're being purposefully evasive Sasha."

"Why would I bother to do that? You'll just invade my mind if you think I'm lying." She was flippant.

"I've never done that to you." He was slightly put out that she would say that. "You know exactly what I mean. He'll pursue you again. What will you do? Will you marry him?"

"Marry him? No. There's nothing to be done about that. He's a good friend. I care about him, but I'm not in love with him." She met his eyes with hers, pleading with him. Her throat was tightening and her hands began to sweat.

Severus looked back at the fire. "But he's in love with you."

"Yes." She said softly. "I know he is. That's what makes it all so horrible. It would be so much easier if I did. Don't get me wrong I care very much about him and I enjoy being with him. I just don't feel the way he does."

Severus was feeling very tempted to read her thoughts to verify. He could easily catch her off guard but really there was no need. She was one person he knew wouldn't lie to him. He was more tempted to do it to get a taste of the emotion she might be feeling in this position. It was precisely the same way that Lily viewed him. He wanted to know the depth of this type of feeling and if he could have somehow tipped the balance in his favor. "Sasha, is there anything great or small, that Karkaroff could to do change your mind?"

"No." she whispered while looking at the fire. "I made my mind up a long time ago." She was silent for a few moments and then gave a heavy cleansing sigh. "Care for a game of chess?" She smiled and cocked her head to the side as she asked. He realized in that moment how similar in manner she was to Sirius. He made that gesture frequently, like a puppy. What he found irritating in Sirius he found endearing in her.

Despite her innocent manner he had the feeling he was already involved in a chess game. "Chess? Is this a new hobby of yours?"

"Just killing time with Remus."

"Lupin." He drug the name out like it had a foul taste. "Am I to assume we can now add him to your long list of admirers?"

"Yikes! No. Add him to Tonks' list."

"Ahh Nymphadora. I might have known. I can see him with a Hufflepuff girl."

She didn't like the way he said "Ahh Nymphadora" one bit. Like he remembered her a little too fondly. "So are we playing chess or what?" Sasha walked over to the bar to bring the game back to their table.

"I warn you. I'm merciless." His voice resonated in her chest. He truly was merciless.

"Just the way I like you." She said silkily and set the pieces up for the game. They stayed there for several hours by the fire, drinking tea, playing chess and eventually ordering a snack. Sasha enjoyed the easy conversation between them when he was focused on the game and not analyzing her. As he concentrated on the board and anticipated her strategy, his hair fell slightly forward. She admired the way it grazed his cheeks and the way the firelight flickered across his face. He easily beat her three games in a row, as she could not even begin to plan her next chess move while looking at his handsome face.

They enjoyed each others company as the snow and rain fell through different times of the afternoon. Eventually patrons started coming in for dinner and they realized the time.

"Oh heavens, I've got to start home. Sirius will wonder what happened to me."

"It's getting dark, why don't you come back to Hogwarts?" Severus spoke before he thought. He didn't want her to go.

A wry smile crossed her lips. "Sev I'd love too but I really should go. It was so wonderful to see you. I hope it won't be long before I see you again." She picked up her broom and they walked to the door together.

"You forgot to shop for your coat." He observed.

"Oh, I'll get a much better one in London." She said dismissively.

"Why didn't you go there to begin with?"

"Well then I wouldn't have seen you." She met his eyes nervous that this would annoy him. He held her eye contact and there was an awkward silence between them. Something flipped in his stomach, which he didn't understand. The only thing he knew for sure was that he didn't want her to go. She was the only person he felt truly relaxed with. "Well, I'll just be off then." She backed away and then jettisoned off on her broomstick as he watched her fly away.

His mind was racing as he walked back to Hogwarts. _Oh Merlin what am I doing? This is not good at all_. The moment she left he started scheming about a way to see her again.

_AN: Bout 1000 words per beer-time for bed!_


	36. Chapter 35

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

Love Letters

Severus couldn't get Sasha out of his mind for weeks. He wanted nothing more than to spend every afternoon in her company they way they had in The Three Broomsticks. He felt cared for by her. She poured his tea; she played chess with him, which he knew she'd never enjoyed. However she knew he did. It was just so easy to be with her. She was so lovely to look at too. Her smile, her eyes, and the dreamy way she looked at him. It was intoxicating. No one would ever replace Lily. She would always be the love of his life, but to have a true friend like Sasha, well he just knew that's what he needed. It's what was missing in his lonely existence.

He occasionally encountered Lucius in his Death Easter activities. Not often however as the Dark Lord didn't want one being aware of the others missions. They met one evening at Malfoy Manor. The Dark Lord wanted reports of Umbridges activities delivered to him from his Hogwarts and Ministry spies together. After Voldemort heard their reports he asked Lucius if he knew the whereabouts of Sirius Black.

"No my Lord, I'm in contact with my sister Sasha weekly but she doesn't know where he is. I've searched her New York apartment as well. There was no sign that he's been there either." Severus wondered if this was a lie or if Sasha and Sirius had been careful to cover their tracks. He suspected the former.

"Keep questioning her and looking for him my slippery friend. He could prove useful to me." Severus wondered what he meant by this but knew better than to tip his hand by asking.

The Dark Lord apparated out of the Manor to wherever it was he was domiciled at the moment. People were still questioning his return so he was careful not to expose himself just yet. Severus relaxed slightly as soon as he left and Lucius seemed to do the same.

"May I interest you in a Fire Whiskey Severus?" He looked like he needed a drink badly.

"Certainly." Severus was currently not drinking however this was a golden opportunity to get Lucius feeling lucid and perhaps hear more about Sasha.

"So how is Sasha these days?" He said as they walked to the study.

"Oh, you know, the same. Witty, argumentative, frivolous." He waved his hand as he walked around to the bar. "As good looking as she is I'd thought someone would take her off my hands by now, but no such luck." He poured two glasses and handed one to Severus. "From what Draco tells me I thought she might have run off with that Russian, Karkaroff. Father would have a fit if he knew I allowed her to marry an immigrant. But Merlin, She's getting old and running out of people who will have her. We should have pawned her off on him years ago when he begged us to marry her."

Severus was steaming and it was taking great effort to sound disinterested. "Begged to marry her? I had no idea."

"Oh yes. He got wind of our intent to arrange her marriage in her seventh year. He begged father, argued with him for hours. He even had Regulus trying to help him out. But to no avail. He was pure blood but not English pure blood. I thought for years he made an error in judgment but given what a rat he turned out to be, I think Father made the wise decision about him. Of course Barty was a far worse choice."

Severus tried to keep his face impassive while his mind went in different directions. So he really did want to marry her. He probably still did.

"I keep asking her if she's heard from him. She says not but I'm not sure she's telling the truth. Perhaps you could use your talents to read her thoughts."

"That's a heavy handed and obvious approach Lucius. I think it's safe to assume that if Karkaroff cares about her, he would not contact her. He must know you'll be watching. As for her being truthful with you, she probably doesn't trust you at this point in your lives."

Lucius took a long sip from his glass and then pulled a cigar from a box on the bar. He handed the box to Severus, offering him one, but he declined. Lucius lit the cigar and took a few puffs to get it started. "You're right Severus, she stopped trusting me years ago." He took another drag and blew a few smoke rings, which Severus found rather disgusting. "I'll have to keep working on her though. The Dark Lord demands it."

Severus saw an opening. This would be an opportunity to spend time with Sasha and keep Lucius from discovering information that might get her into trouble. " Perhaps you should allow me to assist you. I have a rather, comfortable rapport with Sasha. She believes me to be firmly in Dumbledore's camp and so she may reveal things to me that she might keep from you."

Lucius smirked and looked at him incredulously. "Are you suggesting you have a stronger bond with my sister than she has with her family?"

"Not at all. I'm merely saying that no matter how much you underestimate her, she's intelligent enough to know where your allegiances lie." His voice was dripping in condescension.

"I know you to be correct in this matter. However, I still don't think she'll tell you anything. I'm going to see her this Saturday, we'll see how it goes then."

The thought of Sasha with her brother unsupervised when he's under the dispatch of the Dark Lord made his stomach churn. Then Severus had an idea. "You know, Saturday is the Slytherin/Gryffindor quidditch match. I'm sure Sasha would love to attend. Why don't the two of you come to Hogwarts? Bring Narcissa and you can also visit with Draco." _While I get more time with Sasha_ he thought.

Lucius gazed at him for a few moments, sizing him up. "Alright then."

"Brilliant! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to Hogwarts." Severus drained his glass and rose to leave.

"Just a moment. I want you to invite her."

"Why don't you do it?"

"Before we make this family trek to Hogwarts I want to see if she even thinks enough of you to want to see you. You write to her."

"Sasha and I don't correspond. I'm afraid that might seem a bit obvious."

"She will be so glad to hear from you, that she won't over think it. You may think she trusts you but I've known her all my life. Write to her. She will come."

"Fine." As Severus walked outside to apparate home he had the feeling that Lucius was playing some kind of game with him. It didn't matter though. He was going to see her again.

He missed dinner and sat in his room trying to think of what to say in a letter to her. It should have been a simple invitation, but for some reason, he had writers block. He poured himself a brandy and started the letter several times. Each time he crumbled up the parchment in frustration and threw it on the fire. He got up and poured himself another brandy.

Rather than going back to his desk he walked to the bookshelf and picked up the picture that she had given him for his birthday last year. He looked at it more closely than usual and noticed more things about her. She was so close to him in the photo that her hair spilled over the shoulder of his robes mingling with his too long dark hair. When she leaned against him her breasts strained against her robes and he studied their voluptuous outline. _I should have tapped that while we were young and stupid_. He thought while feeling the affect of fire whisky and brandy. He laughed at himself and poured another brandy. Then he went back to his writing table and composed the invitation.

Dear Sasha,

I had the pleasure of running into your brother recently and he told me you frequently had dinner on Saturday evenings. I've invited him, and would also enjoy your company at the Slytherin vs Gryffindor quidditch match this coming Saturday. I'll look forward to seeing you again.

Severus

He wondered what that would sound like to her. He was sure she would come. There were no games with her. She didn't play hard to get. No, anything but. Had he been a less honorable man, there were so many liberties she would have allowed him. He recalled the dirty dream he had about her last Christmas and how seductively she slid into bed with him. He began to become aroused and lifted his glass to his lips. Empty again. That was quick. He poured himself yet another brandy and then got a wicked idea.

He sat back down at his writing desk and thought for a moment. Then he wrote the letter that his dark side was dying to write.

Sasha,

I want to shag you until you can't walk. It's all I ever think about.

Severus

He read the letter and laughed loudly. What would she think if she read that? She seemed like the randy type and might take him up on it. Now that had possibilities. He laughed to himself again but then sighed heavily. What did it matter anyway? He was never going to send her a letter like that. It would be a betrayal to his Lily, and it would give her false hopes. As much fun as shagging her would be, he couldn't do that to either of them. And so he went to bed alone and hoped for a filthy dream.

Severus awoke the next morning in a fog with a terrible hangover. He decided not to drink again until he no longer needed to lead a double life. It was foolish and risky. He mused that where Sasha was concerned he was forever into things that were foolish and risky. He was desperate for some tea but one look at the clock told him he didn't have much time to make it to breakfast. He took a very hot but quick shower, then dressed. Before rushing out the door, he grabbed the invitation to Sasha off his desk and decided to send it to her right after breakfast.

He was looking forward to quietly sipping his tea with some dry toast and rereading his invitation. However as soon as he sat down Flitwick sat next to him and began prattling on about some Slytherin students casting slightly dark but basically harmless charms for their amusement the night before. He made the appropriate yes and no responses however his hangover was raging and he quickly finished his tea and went off to mail the owl.

As he entered the area that housed all the owls he was overcome by the stench and nearly vomited. He once again vowed never to drink again. Quickly he sent the invitation off and headed straight back to his room. He was going to have to take a potion and sleep it off. He desperately hoped he wouldn't be called upon today to do anything very important.

Upon entering his room he headed straight for bed, collapsing and falling asleep in his clothes. He drifted in and out of consciousness and fantasized about Sasha slipping naked into bed with him just as she had in his dream. _Severus!_ He kept hearing her voice in his head and went through various stages of arousal throughout the day.

There was a noise at the window, which caused him to open his eyes. It was dark outside. He had slept the entire day. He walked over to the window feeling desperate for some fresh air. There was an owl for him. He detached the letter and read it.

Severus,

I received your letter and must see you right away. Don't try to contact me or stop me. I'll knock on your door at precisely midnight.

Sasha

He looked at the clock. It was eleven thirty. His headache was gone but he felt grimy and decided to shower quickly. As he did, he wondered what could bring her here. She must suspect Lucius of something or perhaps she had other information to pass along. No matter, he was anxious to see her. He doused himself with a bit of cologne from a bottle that he'd received as a give but never used. He dressed and then remembered that he'd better tidy up that writing desk lest she see that filthy letter he'd written last night. He snickered again at the thought of it. He was pretty drunk and couldn't remember exactly what it said, something about shagging her till she couldn't walk. _Wouldn't it be funny to see her reaction to that? _ He went to the desk planning on reading it again before he burned it. He picked up the piece of paper under his quill and still giggling, began to read.

Dear Sasha, I had the pleasure of running into your brother….

He froze. _Oh shit._ It was the letter she was supposed to receive. Frantically he looked all over the desk, under the desk, around the chair, in all the drawers. "Oh Merlin NO!" He muttered to himself. "How could I be so fucking stupid?"

Then he heard the knock at the door.

AN: If you have read or seen the movie Atonement, you can tell I have too. If you haven't I would highly recommend it! Hope you enjoyed this one.


	37. Chapter 36 Mystery Date

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

Mystery Date

Severus couldn't move for a moment, horrified that he'd sent her the wrong letter. Now here he was seconds after realizing it and having to face her. Shit! Think Severus think! There had to be some way to fix this. She'd gotten that letter today while he slept and she made the decision to come immediately to see him.

Wait a minute, that's a good sign. Perhaps his hunch was right and she came to take him up on his coarse offer. If she was angry, she would have just dashed off a nasty letter back to him. But she didn't. She came to see him. Sneaking into the castle at midnight no less. Anxious perhaps? Yes this had possibilities.

She knocked a second time as he struggled to collect himself. "Just a minute." He called. He knew it wasn't right to press his advantage considering that he didn't feel the same way about her as she did about him, but hell, she was beautiful. Not many opportunities like this came along and so he decided to throw caution to the wind and do exactly what he told her he wanted to do. He swaggered confidently over to the door hoping that she did something really outrageous like wear a fur coat with nothing on underneath. Would she want to make conversation first or just go to it? Whatever she wanted, he didn't care. He was going to get laid. He smirked and then composed his face as he opened the door, prepared for a mind-blowing night of pleasure.

"Foul, fucking, greasy GIT!" Sirius Black pushed Severus back into the room knocking him a good six feet and into the writing desk.

"Black! How the hell did you get into the castle? What's the matter with you?"

Sirius entered the room slamming the door behind him with eyes blazing. "How DARE you send her a disgusting letter like that. Who the hell do you think you are addressing Sasha Malfoy in that manner? You aren't good enough to wipe her boots Snivellus!" Sirius ran at him fist drawn back and prepared to pummel his enemy but Severus was too fast. He jumped out of the way and Sirius fell into the desk sending quills, ink and parchment skidding across the floor.

"Reading other people's post. That's a new low even for you Black."

"I read all her communications lately. Between Lucius and Igor and now you it could be crawling with undesirables wanting something that's going to be detrimental to her and to our whole cause. But this, oh this takes the prize. Is this how you address all your women? Ha! No wonder you're always alone." Sirius had a head full of Azkaban crazy worked up as he shrieked in anger.

Severus snarled at him feeling an explosion building inside him. He fought hard not to obliterate a fellow order member.

"You killed Lily, just the same as if you fired the curse at her yourself! You took the mark with Regulus when you could have talked him out of it. Oh and he told me what you did you disgusting pervert. How you watched while Barty tired to rape her in the alley."

Severus drew breath at this; shocked that another person knew this. "That's not how it was!"

"Oh yes that's right. Take it all in. I know EVERYTHING you filthy piece of crap." Sirius circled him like a vicious dog would his prey. "Oh don't worry, I've never told her. It would kill her." His voice was softer now. "She loves you. I've never understood it myself but then again Sasha's nature always draws her to what's bad for her."

Severus started to panic. Black knew far too much about him and he was at a complete disadvantage. He could fight with this mongrel all night and not get anywhere so he tried to reason with him. "I would never address her in that manner."

"Never? But you did!"

"Yes, but I didn't mean to. It was an accident." He stammered

"An accident? Really? Tell me Snivillus, how do you 'accidentally' write a perverted letter to her, 'accidentally' put it in an envelope with her name on it and 'accidentally' attach it to an owl and send it off." He was on a roll waving his arms and ranting.

"There were two letters." He said breathing heavily. "I put the wrong one in the envelope. I just wanted to invite her to a quidditch match."

"Two letters, please! Do you expect me to believe that?"

Severus picked the letter off the floor and showed it to him, glaring as he did.

Sirius smirked, and then began to laugh. "You meant to send this?" Severus nodded and rolled his eyes. "And you sent her THAT instead?"

"Obviously." Severus just wanted this humiliation to end.

"Bahahahahaha! No way! What a fucking IDIOT you are!" Sirius fell onto the nearest chair holding his stomach and laughing. "Brilliant! Bloody Brilliant! This is just classic!" he said through evil laughter. "Oh I hope James is looking down on this one!" He laughed so hard he fell off the chair.

Severus was so worried about Sasha he couldn't even muster enough anger to go after Sirius. He let Sirius get the laughter out of his system while he walked over to the picture of he and Sasha. Her sweet expression looking back at him made him feel even worse. When the laughter died away he finally asked what he had to know. "Did she see the letter?" His voice cracked and he desperately hoped Black didn't hear it.

"No." came the flat response. "I kept it from her and wrote the answer to you."

Severus exhaled and his shoulders went limp, as he looked at the floor feeling ashamed of himself. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me. I could give a shit about protecting you." The venom in his voice was coming back. "You wouldn't have written it at all if you hadn't been thinking it. Didn't anyone ever tell you not to use your Johnson to do all your thinking for you? It will only get you into trouble."

"Oh and you'd know all about that wouldn't you Black? Well not everyone acts on their animal impulses like a dog, some people are more disciplined."

"Right, that letter shows discipline. Look Snivellus, I don't know what your game is but I am sick to death of cleaning up your messes with her. You need to make up your mind and quit jerking her around. "

"It has nothing to do with jerking her around Black. The Dark Lord has Lucius using her to get information on Karkaroff's whereabouts. He doesn't believe she doesn't know where he is. If I don't find a way to get in the middle of it, and the Dark Lord becomes impatient, there's no telling what he'll do. She was planning on meeting Lucius anyway. I thought if I could get them to come here, I could keep an eye on the situation. The other letter was just what I told you, an accident."

"Why bother with that? If it were me in danger you'd hang me out to dry."

"She's my best friend." He was recovering his mojo now and sounding more like his normal self.

Sirius was silent for a moment but then continued with his assault. "Best friends, well isn't that sweet. My best friend is dead because of you, Snivellus! Give me one good reason to allow your miserable carcass into my house again."

Severus suddenly felt a murderous rage burning within him. Who did this dingo think he was? "You can't keep us apart." He said slowly, icily.

Sirius swaggered to him until he was eyeball to eyeball with his nemesis. "How romantic. Shall we review what happened to the last woman you called your best friend?"

Severus gritted his teeth and gripped his wand. "Careful Black. Potter isn't here to back you up this time."

"Oh yes." He hissed practically spitting in Snape's face. "You saw to that didn't you?"

With a flick of his wand Severus landed a hex on Sirius that sent him flying across the room and knocked him backward over the chair he had been sitting in. Sirius jumped to his feet immediately and threw a jinx at Severus that he easily blocked. Sirius looked surprised and then threw two more at him grunting as he put everything he had into them. Severus again blocked them both with a lazy flick of his wand while looking slightly bored.

"Your thoughts betray you Sirius." He blocked another hex as he approached his adversary. "Expelliarmis." Sirius was disarmed and on the ground. Severus stuck his wand under his enemy's throat while meeting his defiant eyes. He felt nothing. Ice in the veins had always served him well. He contemplated use of the Sectumsepra curse. The only thing that stopped him was knowing how hurt Sasha would be if he harmed Sirius.

Severus put his wand down and took a few steps back. "Use your head Black. You might ban me from your house but you can't lock her away from me. She'll see me if she wants to and you'll have no idea where or when."

Sirius picked up his wand, eyes still blazing but then he tucked it into his pocket and sat down, looking thoughtfully at Snape.

"Fine. You have my permission." He finally said in a more friendly tone.

"I don't recall asking your permission."

"No, but you need it. I can be a big pain in your ass if I want to be." He paused for a moment, and then continued. "Listen to me. You mind your manners with her. Don't lead her on, don't manipulate her, and don't EVER write her a letter like that again."

"Do you think I would actually want to offend her?"

"That letter would do far more than offend her. I would wound her. She worships the ground you walk on and if she knew you thought of her as just a piece of ass it would break her heart."

"I don't think of her as a piece of ass, as you so eloquently put it."

"Then get it together Snivellus! She's been to hell and back over you and deserves better. If she's really your best friend then bloody well act like it. One day it might be too late." Sirius watched the fire. He had nothing left to say.

Severus' hangover was rearing its ugly head again and he needed a little hair of the dog. He poured a drink for himself but then offered it to Sirius who took it without expression. He poured another for himself but then the strong smell burned his nostrils. He watered it down by half. He sat down in the chair opposite Sirius and suddenly felt exhausted. They drank in silence for several minutes.

Sirius stood up abruptly and killed the rest of his drink. "Where's the other letter? I'll give it to her in the morning." Severus said nothing but pointed to the floor where it landed during the scuffle.

"Are you going to show her the other letter?" He finally asked weakly.

Sirius held it up and then tucked it into the breast pocket of his coat. "Insurance." He said giving his pocket a pat. "Don't fuck up again."

Sirius slept in late the next morning. When he awoke he felt alive again. He had spent so much time cooped up and not being able to do anything. It was not like him to be passive. It felt good to get out last night and be proactive about something. It also felt excellent to fight and argue with Snivellus. Stupid bastard! How could someone so anal-retentive make such a colossal mistake? He was lucky this time. Sirius read the dirty letter one more time. "Shag you till you can't walk." Indeed. Where the hell did he come up with that one? Actually that line might work in the right context. He made a mental note to try it out sometime. He tucked the letter into a box protected by a locking charm and then grabbed the correct letter to take downstairs to Sasha. He stopped at the door and read it before he left the room. Just to be sure he didn't make the same stupid mistake Snape did. He giggled on the way downstairs thinking of how frantic Snape must have been when he discovered the error. That bloke had no game whatsoever. He didn't need help with women. He needed hindrances. Perhaps if presented with enough of them he might trip and fall on one.

Sasha sat at the breakfast table sipping coffee and picking at her food while Molly and Tonks chatted away.

"Post for you Sash." He said casually while throwing the letter in front of her. She stared at it for a moment and then looked up at him. He poured himself a cup of tea and leaned against the counter while watching her reaction. He was half smiling as he watched her mind work. He knew she would be thrilled to hear from that git.

She sighed heavily and looked back at the letter. "From Hogwarts and on Slytherin stationary too. My, my Padfoot you have certainly outdone yourself this time." She picked up the letter and threw it at him.

"What? This is no joke, that came for you just this morning." He felt sad when he realized she had no confidence that Severus would be writing to her. She wasn't always this way. Years of rejection by that twit had done this to her. He handed the letter back to her. "Go on. Read it."

She rolled her eyes and opened it. She inhaled sharply when she saw the handwriting was that of Severus. She looked joyful for the first time in weeks as she read it. She covered her mouth to disguise her reaction but he could see the exuberance in her eyes as they met his again. "It's from Severus. He's asked me to join him to watch quidditch this Saturday."

"What? Let me see that." Molly snatched the letter out of her hands as Sasha continued to beam at Sirius.

Seeing her reaction made him glad that he had intercepted the other letter. She deserved a little joy in her life, even if it was due to that greasy git. It was her life.

"My goodness. I never thought I'd see the day." Said Molly as she read the letter.

"No way!" Tonks snatched the letter back from Molly. Sirius watched Sasha giggle with her girlfriends like she was back in the Gryffindor dorms. "I can't believe it. Severus Snape actually asked you out." Tonks leaned back in her chair and cackled.

"What's so funny about that?" Sasha sounded more than a little insulted as she grabbed the letter back and reread it again.

"I don't know. I just, well, has he ever had a girlfriend?" Tonks tried and failed to cover for herself.

"He's choosy!" Sasha snapped at her and took her breakfast dish to the sink.

"Oh Sasha I think it's wonderful!" Molly chimed in sounding very motherly.

Tonks sat up and spoke in a conspiratorial tone. "So is it true what they say about him?"

"Oh Tonks, really!" Molly cut her off.

"What do 'they' say about him?" Sasha mocked.

Tonks giggled while Molly glared at her. "That he's, you know, gifted?" she said raising her eyebrows.

"OH DEAR MERLIN! That's my cue to leave." Sirius threw up his hands and left the kitchen but quietly hid outside the door to hear their conversation.

Sasha smiled sweetly. "He is gifted."

"I KNEW it!" Molly slapped her hand on the table so loudly Sasha jumped.

Tonks squealed with delight. "Tell us everything!"

"Well you should both know it. Molly you were in school with us and Tonk's you had him at Hogwarts."

"I did NOT!" Tonks denied it like it was something shameful.

"What are you talking about? He was the only Potions Master there when you were in school. He was far more talented with potions than Slughorn ever dreamed of being." Sasha sounded confused.

"Ugh! Noooo, I mean his other, attributes." Tonks shrugged and waited for an answer. Sasha merely shrugged back at her. "You know you're really thick."

"Oh leave her alone Tonks, she's obviously clueless." Molly laughed and cleared the table.

"Will someone please enlighten me?" Sasha leaned back in her chair. She hated being in the dark.

Outside the kitchen Remus walked downstairs and approached Sirius who put a finger up to his lips. Remus leaned in and they were now both eavesdropping.

Tonks tried to stifle a laugh. "Well, when I was in school, the rumor was that he was, packing some heat." Sasha narrowed her eyes. "Downstairs." Tonks dragged the word out waiting for Sasha to catch up.

"Oh honestly Tonks! You're disgusting." Sasha busied herself wiping the counter and fuming.

"Well?" Tonks couldn't let it go.

Sirius was outside the door silently shaking with laughter. Remus had come in a little late. "Who are they talking about?" he whispered. "Snape" Sirius mouthed to him. Remus wrinkled his nose in disgust and then put his ear back to the door.

"Well what? I don't know!" Sasha was getting angry. She was also wondering how anyone would even know details about him that she didn't especially that one. Had there been someone else besides Lily?

"Oh come on. I saw the way he looked at you when you fed him your birthday cake."

"Piss off." Sasha marched over to the door and pushed it hard. Sirius and Remus feel to the floor laughing. "I'm so glad you find everything so amusing." She stepped over Remus and kicked Sirius in the butt as she left the room. It only made him laugh harder.

"Wait up Sash! We have to pick out what you're going to wear!" Tonks jumped over the wizards on the floor and bounded up the stairs after her.

_AN: Not sure what you will think of this one. I just couldn't serve her up on a silver platter after his nasty letter. _


	38. Chapter 37 Lion vs Serpent

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

The Lion vs the Serpent

Sasha shooed Tonks out of her room after they had gone through everything in her closet. She just wanted to be alone with his letter and take it all in. What could be the meaning of it? He must have some ulterior motive. She was sure this wasn't only to see her. It was more likely a ploy to keep an eye on Lucius she decided. No matter, she

was going to see her Severus. She sat down to pen her response to him and was soon interrupted by Sirius. "Who are you writing to?" He plopped down on the bed.

"Severus of course. Just letting him know I'll see him Saturday."

"Want me to help?" He asked mischievously.

"I do not." She did not look up from her letter.

"How about, 'Dear Severus, I want to shag you till you can't walk. Love Sasha.'" He snickered while lying on the bed and looking up at the ceiling.

"Your disgusting!" She said flatly which made him laugh harder. "Honestly! Who thinks like that?"

"All men that's who."

"I don't believe that for a moment."

"Well you should."

"Will you just leave me alone?"

"You're playing with fire Sasha. Why can't you meet some nice wizard that doesn't sulk around with his collar choking him all day?" He sauntered out of the room as Sasha thought about his words. She was playing with fire. She knew it, but she couldn't stop.

As arranged with her family she apparated just outside the Three Broomsticks and met Lucius and Cissy. She hugged her brother, knowing he hated that, and kissed Cissy once on each cheek as their upbringing conditioned them to.

"Now why did you wear that Gryffindor scarf? Are you deliberately trying to embarrass me?" Lucius cracked.

"I was just about to ask you the same think snaky." She gave his green scarf a tug.

"Oh don't start this early you two. Let's go. I want to see Draco before the match." Cissy was very anxious to get going. She was always the doting mother.

Severus stood just outside the castle walls and watched them walk up the path to the castle. They certainly looked like a family. All shocking blonde and dressed to the nines. He already felt outnumbered and out of place with his jet-black hair and being dressed like a professor. He felt unnerved after his error with the letters and confrontation with Sirius. His only defensive resource was his arrogant persona, which had always served him well. Sasha saw him first and broke into a broad smile as she waved at him. He felt immediately more relaxed and raised his hand back at her although one would hardly call it a wave. He walked across the courtyard to meet them. Sasha walked ahead to meet him first and hugged him. He was mortified at being hugged by her right in the middle of the castle grounds and in front of Lucius no less and pulled her arms down.

"Oh, sorry. I've just missed you." She blushed and looked at the ground. He regretted taking the joy out of her greeting but she had to remember where she was.

"It's good to see you Sasha." He mumbled. Lucius and Narcissa came walking up towards them.

"Severus my friend." Lucuis greeted him with a handshake while patting his shoulder with his other hand.

"How lovely to see you again." Narcissa hummed while kissing him on each cheek as she did with everyone. Sasha's eyes narrowed as she did this but only Lucius noticed.

"Shall we head down to the quidditch pitch?" Severus wanted to make sure he had his pick of seats so he was ensured a seat next to Sasha.

"Oh no I want to see Draco before the match." Cissy loved her son and smothered him to the point of embarrassment in front of his friends.

"Cis, leave him alone. If he knows you're both here he'll be nervous." She remembered when Sirius and Regulus' father would attend matches. He would make Regs tense because he wanted to please him and Sirius would be angry and careless because his father wouldn't bother to see his less favored older son. Both would play terribly.

"Not at all Narcissa I think it would help him to know that his parents were here to cheer him on." Severus was anxious to get rid of them and have Sasha to himself.

"Let's go Lucuis." She pulled him by the hand towards the Slytherin dorms.

"Well if Slytherin loses don't blame me." Sasha said rolling her eyes. "You know neither of you understand the game." She said to Severus. "I can't believe Lucius is allowing this."

He smiled at her not really hearing what she was saying but thinking that she looked like the girl he knew all those years ago at school. "Shall we?" He said waving his hand towards the field. She smiled back and they walked down the hill together. "I see you dug out your Gryffindor colors today. I suppose we'll have to sit in the faculty box. How disappointing, I was hoping you would cheer for my house." He looked at her scarf.

"Not likely. Unless they are playing Huffelpuff or Ravenclaw I won't be betting against my own house." She flipped her scarf over her shoulder.

"Have you been playing chess lately?" He was working very hard at small talk.

"A bit. It's a frustrating game. I'd hoped to be practiced enough to give you more of a challenge by now but Remus still thrashes me daily." She shrugged.

"It takes years of practice Sasha, you can't hope to pick it up in a few weeks." There was a pause and he studied her profile as her hair blew in the breeze. The conversation lagged with neither one of them knowing how to proceed.

Sasha grew uncomfortable with the silence and decided to be blunt. Perhaps it would clear the air so they could enjoy the afternoon. "So, why don't you level with me?"

"About?"

"Why did you invite us here?"

"I enjoy your company." He said quickly.

"Not good enough. What's the catch?"

He smirked at her and was a bit pained that she would think he wouldn't invite her without an ulterior motive. She was right actually. He wouldn't invite her, but that didn't mean he didn't want to see her. "You know me well as I'm continually reminded." He sighed. "The Dark Lord is searching for Karkaroff and thinks he may contact you. Have you noticed Lucius asking a lot of questions about him?"

"Yes, I assumed this was his assignment."

"Precisely. I'm concerned that he may become impatient if you are unable to give enough information to please him, so I told Lucius I would assist him. This will allow me to help you."

" I'm lucky to have a friend like you." He did not respond and they were now at the faculty box. They walked up the stairs and found their seats. Delores Umbridge immediately joined them. She was in a pink frock with matching overcoat and Sasha thought she looked like a fat fluff of cotton candy on little stick legs. Severus reluctantly introduced them at Umbridge's urging.

"Ah yes Miss Malfoy. You and Mr. Crouch oversaw the Tri-Wizard Tournament last year correct?"

"That's right." Sasha nodded and put herself on guard.

"And this was the same tournament in which Cedric Diggory died as a result of injuries sustained in your challenge correct?"

"No, he was murdered by Voldemort." She narrowed her eyes.

"I see you subscribe to the notions of silly teenagers searching for more drama to add to their lives." She giggled with a condescending tone.

Sasha thought she resembled an overstuffed pink sausage. She inhaled and prepared to lay into her, her verbal assault quickly forming in her mind and on it's way out of her mouth. Severus cleared his throat awkwardly and she looked at him. He gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head and she stopped herself. She held her tongue and turned to watch the players flying onto the pitch, fuming in silence and casting aggravated looks at Severus. He did not engage her further, hoping her anger would pass quickly once the match started.

Eventually they were joined by Lucius and Narcissa who sat down next to them. Sasha had been looking forward to the play-by-play analysis with Lucius regarding one of their few safe subjects but he spent the entire match sucking up to Umbridge. "Can you believe him?" She whispered to Severus. He looked at her but made no response. "Have you ever heard anything so obnoxious? Stupid cow." Severus narrowed his eyes in an attempt to silence her, which only made her angrier.

The match was close but Harry finally caught the snitch, winning the match for his team. Sasha jumped up and cheered as loud as she could, waving to Minerva in solidarity who was also in the box. She felt quite smug and was looking forward to rubbing the loss into her brother's face all through dinner. As she watched the post game celebration on the field she saw the beginnings of an argument. Draco was going after Harry, running his mouth. The Gryffindor team ignored him and Sasha was proud of them for not getting suckered into anything with her nephew. She was soon dismayed however as Harry and the Weasley twins jumped him and the fight ensued. Narcissa jumped up in fear for her son while Lucius merely leaned back in his seat and rolled his eyes, as did Severus. Umbridge left the box and went immediately to the field to assist Mme Hooch.

"Lucuis aren't you going to go down there?" Naricssa was frantic and wringing her hands.

"Oh relax Cissy. He knew it was coming. He was asking for it." Sasha jumped in before he could answer.

"I think you should re-prioritize your loyalties Sasha."

"Cissy, please don't talk about quidditch. You just embarrass yourself. He purposely baited them so there would be a post game penalty from Hooch and Umbridge. My stupid team walked right into it. They'll be lucky if they don't get benched for the next match. Draco knew exactly what he was doing you should be proud of him. Sirius used to do it all the time. 'Taking one for the team' was what he called it. He was the master. Am I right Lucius?"

"Indeed you are Sasha. I'm sure we'll find out the extent of his success at dinner tonight."

"Is Draco dining with us? Wonderful."  
"No, Delores. I've invited her."

"What?" Sasha made no effort to disguise her distaste. "I'm not having dinner with that troll."

"Then we'll miss you." He said curtly. "She's very influential within the ministry."

"Sounds like someone else needs to re-prioritize!" She hissed at him. She knew it was no use to argue about it. "Well then, I guess I'll just be off." She said becoming composed again. His dismissal of her came as no surprise. Lucius would throw her under the bus at a moment's notice if he could move up a rung or two in the social ladder. "It was good to see you again."

"I'll see you next Saturday?" Lucius asked.

"Yes." She said with resignation. "Yes you will."

"I'm afraid I'll have to bow out as well Lucius." Severus added quickly. "I'll need to speak with my house about their heavy handed strategy today and I see far more of Umbridge than I would like to as it is. Sasha perhaps you would be so kind as to assist me in reviewing the match?"

"Seriously? You expect me to give a pep talk to your house after what just happened?" She looked at him before realizing that he had no intention of talking quidditch. "Fine. Perhaps we could use Dumbledore's Pensive to look back at this game today. The beaters were a little sloppy." He allowed her to exit before him and they walked with the crowd toward the castle. "You don't really want to talk about quidditch do you?"

"No." They walked along in silence.

"So what's on your mind?" She looked beyond the castle at the red sun setting while thinking of what a clear night it was.

"Nothing." He scowled at the ground as they walked. He had no idea what to do next. He only knew he didn't want her to go yet. He was disgusted with himself for feeling like an adolescent, unsure and at a loss for words.

"Are you sure you don't need to talk about something?" She moved her head forward trying to look him in the eye.

"No." His eyes never left the ground and as his hair swung forward. He looked so much like the boy she knew so long ago.

Sasha remembered her mother's advice in awkward situations. Offer something about yourself to draw them in to conversation. "I'm hungry. Are you hungry? "

"I'm not in the mood for sitting in the great hall with a bunch of noisy students." He sighed as they entered the castle.

"Who said anything about that? Follow me."

She pulled him behind her to the house elf entrance to the kitchen looking for her connection. She saw Dobby who clasped his bony hands together and jumped up and down at the sight of seeing her with Severus. "Miss Sasha and Professor Snape, how wonderful to see you together."

"It's good to see you too Dobby. May I have a word with you?" She cut him off and pulled him aside before he could say something embarrassing. "Dobby, I wonder if you could scare us up a snack. Nothing to heavy, perhaps some bread and fruit or something like that."

"Yes Miss Sasha." He tucked his chin into his chest while looking up at her like they had a secret. He backed away and began scurrying around the kitchen dropping a few items into a basket. Severus watched him for a moment and then noticed a large wine rack on the wall containing Hogwarts private stores. He nicked a bottle and shoved it under his arm. Sasha returned to him carrying a basket of food.

"Alright, I've taken care of food. You're in charge of the location."

"Come with me." He grabbed her hand and led her through and pantry that opened up to a stairway. She followed him up stairs that rose high into the castle.

"Hey I didn't know about this staircase and I thought I knew every inch of Hogwarts. Where are you taking me?"

"You'll see." He led her up the stairs until they finally emerged at the top of the astronomy tower. It was now completely dark and the sky was crystal clear and sprinkled with stars. If there was one thing she hated about London, it was the night sky. There were too many lights in the city that would obstruct your view of all but the very brightest stars.

"Oh what a beautiful night. This is perfect!"

He motioned for her to come over to the edge of the tower near an angular skylight. They sat down and leaned against the window. Sasha dug into the basket and handed him some of the fresh bread.

"Thirsty?" He asked and held up the bottle.

"Yes. Is that Château Montellena?"

He looked at the bottle and it was however the name meant nothing to him. "It is at that. I had no idea you were interested in muggle wine."

"We spent a summer in Napa when that vineyard was getting started. It's excellent."

Severus used his wand to pull the cork out of the bottle, and then handed it to her. He broke the cork in two and used his wand to transfigure them into two glasses.

"Nicely done." Then she tensed as she recalled the familiarity of this scene. Her mind went back to the evening before the first task when she and Igor drank firewhiseky in the forbidden forest. She felt the familiar worry creep back into her mind and looked up to search the sky for Orion. It was a bit early but she thought she could make it out. She wondered where he was tonight and if he was warm and safe.

"What are you thinking about?" Severus asked. His voice made her jump. She wondered if he already knew. What a fool she was sitting here with Severus and worrying about Igor. She refocused on the moment at hand.

"How do you keep from reading peoples thoughts all the time?" She asked in an effort to change the subject. "I think I would be too tempted to know what people were really thinking." She took a glass and poured the wine then handed it back to him.

He took the glass and felt something electric as his hand grazed her fingertips. "I used to be that way, but quickly tired of it. You would be amazed how quickly after reading thoughts that you decide perhaps some things are better kept to one's self."

"Fair enough." She poured herself a glass and took a sip. "Do people always know when you're reading their thoughts? I mean, can you slip into their mind undetected or do they always know your there?"

"If they suspect your ability and are not asleep then yes, the subject will generally deduce what you are doing. During sleep however the mind drifts and dreams. You can never be sure that what you are seeing is reality."

"And how did you learn Occlumency? Blocking."

"I read and practiced. Dumbledore coached me but I have since surpassed him I do believe." He took a sip of wine and held up the glass to examine it.

"Can you teach me?"

"I don't think that would be a good idea." He sighed. "Perhaps you should work with Sirius or someone who knows you better. It's a very exposing process.

"Scared you might see too much?"

He looked up at the stars. "Only you know that." He said softly.

She took another sip of wine and pretended to study the label on the bottle "I imagine the inside of my head could be a bit frightening." She was suddenly overcome by a wave of sadness. What was she doing? Sharing a bottle of wine with Severus on the astronomy tower practically inviting him into her nightmare of a mind. She looked back up at the sky and located Orion. Then she worried that he wouldn't be wouldn't be able to see Cassiopeia until May or June. He might feel even more alone if he looked up and couldn't see her. She felt very alone at the moment. Severus was only with her out of some kind of duty. He was barely talking to her. She felt desperate and pathetic. Why was she here?

"I should go." She stood up suddenly and brushed off her robes.

"What? It's still early. You haven't eaten anything yet."

"I know but this isn't right. You're Head of Slytherin House and shouldn't be up here with me. It sets a terrible example. Sirius has nothing to do but sit home like a mother hen and worry. I should go back."

Severus knew why she was leaving. Despite what she had told him in The Three Broomsticks, she must still have feelings for Karkaroff. He saw her looking at Orion this evening. That must have gotten her thinking about him. Now she would rather be alone with her memories than here with him. The thought of it gave him a very desperate feeling. He couldn't stand it when he was unable to control a situation. He watched her walking away from him and felt the fury building. How dare she reject him like this after he'd put himself out there. After the stress of almost sending the other letter and the humiliation he endured from Black. Didn't she realize how difficult all this was with him? Did she still give a damn about him? Something snapped inside him and without thinking through the consequences he drew his wand and aimed it at her. "Legilimens!" She turned to face raw emotion was all over her face.

He was spinning through her mind and seeing visions of himself. He was a young man in potions class focused intently on his work as a younger Sasha gazed at him adoringly. Next he saw both of them in dress robes and dancing on the balcony over the Yule Ball in their fourth year. The scene changed again, and he was confronted by his own face twisted in anger as he slammed her against the wall and showed her his mark.

He felt the sharp pain in his skull just as she had when her head hit the stone. He kept searching. This wasn't what he wanted to know. He saw more visions of himself. He was holding her close and dancing with her in front of Slytherin students. Then he saw himself the way he looked when he came to her room before the Yule Ball. Next they were hunched over a table by the fire studying chess pieces last month. Then he saw her watching him gazing at Lily across a classroom. Next he was an eleven year old boy under the sorting hat. _No, no, that's not what I need to see._ He pushed the memories of him aside and continued to search. Finally he saw Karkaroff's face close to hers, and felt the air blowing over the lake.

"Igor you've become my most treasured friend. You're never a last resort."

"But I'm not Severus." He sighed and studied the planks on the deck of the ship

"No."

"He's a lucky man but he's too thick and neurotic to know it. What a bastard! Why do you put up with him? Do you really love him or is it just an old habit?"

"It's inexplicable. His mind, the depth of his devotion to Lily, and the way he feels so protective of me, his lovely voice. I can't tell you why I feel this way I just do."

The scene changed again with the two of them in her rooms presumably after Voldemort's return. He asked her to kiss him and Severus was ready to explode at he watched Karkaroff kiss her passionately and rub his hands all over her until she pushed him off hard. "This isn't right."

Her words in the memory coincided with her finally using all her mental strength to push him out of her head. The force of her pushed him back several steps and he struggled to keep his balance. They were both breathing hard and he saw tears streaming down her face before she looked down at the ground to hide them.

"So much for scruples." She choked. "Is there anything else you would like to know?" She stood very still bracing for further invasion.

He could not face her. He turned and leaned over the balcony still trying to catch his breath. This was certainly not the first time he'd gone snooping in someone's thoughts but this time he regretted it. He was chipping away at all the trust she had in him. He put his head in his hands and closed his eyes tightly.

"Did you find what you were looking for?" She asked again when he didn't respond.

He remained silent. He didn't know what he was looking for. He stood there breathing hard and opened his eyes to look over the edge of the building. He briefly considered jumping.

He didn't hear her approach him and was surprised when she touched his back softly. "What were you looking for?"

"I don't know." He honestly didn't. He looked at the moon shining over the black lake and remembered their morning flight.

"Yes you do, even if you can't articulate it." She moved her hand back and forth across his shoulders and he closed his eyes again. "Have I ever lied to you?"

"No."

"Is there something you would like to ask me?"

There were hundreds of things he wanted to ask her but instead he responded by shaking his head slowly.

"I know trust is hard for you and I can accept that in you. It's not your fault. It's learned behavior. Just know if you want to ask me something, I'll always tell you the truth. If you're afraid to ask, I'll welcome you into my mind, but you don't have to force your way in." She turned to go but stopped at the top of the stairs. "Sev?"

"Hmm?" He continued to look down, anywhere but at her.

"Why does it always end badly with us?"

It was his fault. He knew it. All his fears and insecurities paralyzed him. He couldn't go forwards or backwards. He was stuck. He couldn't tell her this however. It made him feel weak and he didn't want her to think he was weak. She waited for his answer but it never came.

"I'm still glad I came today." She stepped down onto the first step.

"Sasha?" He turned quickly to face her. She stopped and turned to him. "When will I see you again?" The desperation in his voice restored her hope yet again.

She mustered a smile but it looked sad. "Whenever you choose to." She knew he was not to be pushed. As she descended the stairs he leaned over the ledge again with his head in his hands gripping his hair. He'd blown it again. His anger and frustration pushing him to make the wrong move and driving him further into isolation. He hated his life. It felt like a joke. He considered jumping again. Would anyone miss him? Truly miss him? For any reason other than the function he served, teacher, spy fighter, while the vacancy of these positions would be inconvenient, he was replaceable. Sasha would miss him but she would be free of him. She could move on. Or perhaps not and she would become as he had, an emotional wasteland, incapable of anything meaningful.

He saw her emerge from the castle below and walk towards Hagrid to apperate home. When she was far enough away, she turned towards the castle and shot something out of her wand. Then she was gone. Severus braced for a hex but then saw something floating towards him. It was parchment folded in the shape of a swan. When it came to him he opened it and read her message.

"_One day everything will be better. I promise you that."_


	39. Chapter 38

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

Christmas at the House of Black

Weeks went by and Severus did not choose to see her. She tried not to think about it but somehow it seemed to be all she was thinking about. Sirius pried daily for information but she was not in the mood for confidences. She didn't want to hear him say I told you so or listen to Tonks and Molly's advice. The house was even noisier now as all the Weasley children plus Harry and Hermione had arrived after Arthur was attacked while on guard duty. When avoiding them all was no longer an option, she spent her days walking through London. She wandered in and out of museums and shops. She shopped too much, bringing home presents every other day for her housemates. The morning of Christmas Eve she walked in to a haberdashery to purchase a present for Sirius. As she browsed among the racks she found a beautiful cashmere scarf that was a deep shade of green and thought immediately of Severus. She purchased it without looking at the expensive price tag and walked mindlessly out of the store. As she walked home she made plans to take it to him tomorrow. Surely he would go to Spinners End over the holiday. She would meet him there and give him this gift. She had no idea how he would react but she was desperate to see him. It began to snow and she enjoyed the peacefulness of it. Snow muffled the sound.

It was very tempting to walk in the snow for the rest of the afternoon but she needed to go home for the Order meeting and then help Molly with Christmas Eve dinner. Poor Molly had so much stress in her life these days. She needed all the help she could get. Luckily Sirius was home all day everyday and able to help her quite a bit. She supposed it helped him to feel useful.

She walked through the front door and hung up her coat, throwing her bags in the closet. The meeting had already started. She walked into the meeting room with a heavy heart but her mood was soon lifted as she saw Severus across the room. She bit her lip and tried very hard not to cry or make a scene that might drive him away again. His eyes met hers she saw him swallow hard. Sirius and Remus were already involved in a heated discussion and no one noticed her entry. She found a seat nearest him. She wanted so badly to speak to him. Perhaps she could if he would enter her mind again. She closed her eyes and thought hard. "I'm so glad you're here." When she opened them he was staring right at her and one corner of his mouth turned up. It worked.

"Snape," Remus addressed him. "Have you any news for us."

"Nothing of consequence." Sasha reveled in the sound of his rich voice. "There is some kind of gathering being planned at Malfoy Manor on New Year's Eve. Many of the Death Eaters will be attending but I'm told the Dark Lord has business elsewhere."

"It's nothing new. Lucius and Cissy host a lavish New Years Eve ball every year." Sasha chimed in. "Remember Sirius?"

"Ugh yes. A bunch of snobs trying to outdo each other." He rolled his eyes and looked at the ceiling.

"Sounds interesting. Sasha, do you think you could procure an invitation from your brother?" Arthur asked.

"I have a standing invitation at my brother's home especially for this event. I haven't attended in years. It's a bit stuffy really but I suppose I could attend this year if you think it would be useful."

"Ugh that is a sacrifice. Those parties were miserable." Sirius barked. "Except for that year Bella hooked up with the bartender." Sasha laughed. He had a way of saying the most inappropriate thing and the most appropriate moment.

"Still bitter that you're off the guest list Sirius? No matter you can be my date." She teased.

"I think I'll stay home and tend to my knitting."

"Sasha do you really think it's wise do walk into that den of Death Eaters alone. If something goes wrong you'll be outnumbered and disadvantaged. Perhaps I should accompany you." Severus sounded protective and it sent a quiver down her back.

"Purebloods only Severus." Sirius interrupted while reaching between the two of them for a bottle of wine. "I'm afraid you don't make the cut."

Severus snarled at his comment but Sasha noticed that for the first time Sirius had addressed him by his proper name and not some childish nickname. She smiled gratefully at her cousin and he winked back while pouring himself a glass of wine.

"He's right Severus. Unless Lucius can figure out a way to use you, it's not going to happen. You know how he is." She tried to diffuse the moment before he became angry about the 'pureblood's only' comment.

When the meeting ended, Severus was monopolized by Arthur who wanted to talk to him about his experience at St. Mungos. Molly pulled Sasha into the kitchen snapping at her for leaving the house all morning when there was work to be done. They were separated by the crowd. When Sasha finally escaped the kitchen she caught him just as he was putting on his coat to leave. She ran up to him and touched his sleeve.

"Severus do you have to leave so soon?" She spoke slowly and carefully afraid of saying something wrong.

"I was going to go home." He spoke softly and his voice was music to her ears.

"To who? Wormtail? Is he cooking a big feast?" She wrinkled her nose at the thought of anyone having to spend Christmas with that twerp.

"No, he's having dinner with the Carrows."

"That's a good place for him." She laughed softly. "So you're alone for Christmas Eve dinner?"

"I always am." He looked down realizing that he sounded quite pathetic spending Christmas Eve alone.

"Why don't you have Christmas Eve dinner with us?"

He sighed heavily. "Yes, well that's kind of you to ask but I'm afraid I'd spoil everyone's mood. They don't want me here." He scowled as he spoke.

"I want you here."

Severus felt a tight feeling in his chest. "You're awfully good to me but I don't want to ruin anyone's holiday."

"Don't be silly. The only holiday you'll ruin is mine if you leave. Please stay, just through dinner and then if you want to go I won't argue with you. It will mean the world to me." She flashed the elegant smile he could never resist.

Sirius came up behind her upon hearing their conversation. "Stay for dinner Severus. It's Christmas, and as the head of the House of Black, I insist." He smiled and raised his glass of red wine.

Severus eyed him suspiciously. He would never have trusted this Marauder, James Potter's toadie, but when he looked back into Sasha's eyes, so bright and full of promise he could not refuse. "Alright then."

"Yea!" She jumped and hugged him like a little girl getting her way. He suddenly had butterflies in his stomach. Despite his external persona of an arrogant prick, it bothered him that so many people wouldn't want him there. He stayed however, wanting to be with Sasha and marginally grateful that Sirius also extended an invitation.

Dinner went smoothly. Sasha went to great lengths to pull him into the conversations with Arthur, Remus, Tonks and Sirius. It was quite obvious really but he appreciated her efforts nonetheless. She was so attentive. Dishing up second helpings of his favorites and keeping his wine glass full. He felt warmth in her actions and didn't want the dinner to end. After dinner, he was looking for a way to smoothly make his exit when Remus approached him.

"Severus, don't run off yet. I'm in the mood for chess and there's no one here who can give me a good match. I'm undefeated and in need of a challenge."

"Alright Lupin. Prepare to be humbled." Severus smirked but was glad for the invitation. He saw Sasha beaming at them out of the corner of his eye. She was at least pleased he was staying. As he and Remus became absorbed in the match at a table by the fire, everyone else gathered in the great room munching on cookies and popcorn as if they weren't already full. He smiled to himself thinking this was possibly the most idyllic Christmas he had ever experienced. Christmas at Spinners End was never anything like this.

Sasha lounged on the floor by the fire with Ginny and Hermione on either side of her. They could have been sisters. He stole looks at her and wondered why he'd never noticed how long her legs were. She wore a black turtleneck sweater that accentuated her blonde hair glowing in the firelight. Muggle jeans hugged her hips and trailed down to high black suede boots. She was stretched out on the floor and there was something entrancing about the way she was sprawled out. He watched her body move as she laughed. It made him want to turn the chessboard over and curl up with her on the floor.

George Weasley had purchased a new guitar for himself for Christmas with his share of the profits from the jokes he and Fred had been peddling. He was playing the opening chords to "Stairway to Heaven" quite badly. Molly was rattling about telling people to pick up after themselves. Sirius suddenly jumped up and snatched the guitar out of George's hands. "House Rules. No Stairway." Sasha and a few of the teenagers laughed and even Molly turned and gave him a smile.

"Ron get your feet off the coffee table and Ginny pick up this mess." Molly was fussing around her children. Sirius watched her as she bent over to pick up newspaper from the floor. Loudly he played the opening chords of "Whole Lotta Love". She was in the doorway to the kitchen when she turned her head to smile and raise her eyebrows. He winked at her. "Sirius, could you come help me clean out this hall closet upstairs? I think there's a boggart in it."

"Yes I can." He quickly followed her out of the room. This struck Severus as odd but he looked over at Arthur who didn't seem to notice and he dismissed it.

"What a difference a year makes." Said Harry looking at the fire. "This time last year we were all at the Yule Ball and Voldemort wasn't back yet."

"Yeah that was a great night mate!" Piped Fred.

"Oh I remember the Yule Ball when I was in school. There were two while I was there. They were so wonderful." Sasha smiled looking into the fire. Severus was listening closely but didn't dare look at her.

"Who did you go with?" Ginny was suddenly interested as young girls were in matters of romance.

"Oh no, you'll laugh."

"Come on." Ginny wouldn't let it go.

"Well," Sasha dragged this out taking note that she had an audience, while considering her response. "Fourth Year I went with Igor Karkaroff."

"Ugh!" "Boo!" "Traitor!" The kids all chimed in their disapproval at this choice. The twins threw pillows at her. Sasha laughed as Severus watched her body movements again.

"Don't be so hard on Igor. You didn't see him that year, he was young, gorgeous and he was fun too. He was also a Tri-Wizard champion thank you very much!" She insisted to more and louder booing. "Oh come on Sev, help me out, he was your friend."

Severus raised one eyebrow at her. He picked up a pillow from the chair beside him and threw it at her. Sasha laughed as did the kids but they were laughing more from shock that he would actually do something amusing.

"Who took you to the other ball?" Hermione too was very interested in romance this evening. It was quite charming on a young girl like her.

"Good Grief Professor," said Fred. "Who did you top Karkaroff with? Voldemort himself?" The kids laughed again.

Sasha thought hard about this and she saw Severus look at her out of the corner of his eye. "Well Seventh year, I had this huge crush on the most wonderful guy. I'd never met anyone like him before or since. Merlin was he handsome!" She closed her eyes and smiled. "I knew he'd never ask me so I pulled together all the Gryffindor courage I could muster and asked him myself and he said yes." She looked around the room and noticed that people were hanging on her every word, especially Severus. She decided to play to the crowd and drag the story out a bit. "Cissy met me in Hogsmeade and helped me pick out this great dress in his house colors that I could barely breath in. I was so excited. I couldn't wait to dance with him." She smiled to herself thinking of that time in her life. The time before everything changed for the worse, loss of innocence.

"Who was the man?" asked Ginny.

Sasha smirked. "Well, it doesn't really matter. He stood me up."

"What!" Hermione and Ginny were in stereo on either side of her. "That's terrible! What did you do?" Asked Hermione.

"She went with the best looking and most eligible wizard in school and she was the envy of every witch there." Sirius strolled into the room and rejoined the group. He stepped over the kids on the floor and pulled Sasha up.

"That's right." She laughed as he began to dance with her without music. "The very handsome and very conceited Sirius Black took pity on me and I'm sure all the witches would have been envious if I hadn't been dating my cousin." The audience laughed and someone put on some music. Harry and Ginny began to dance and George and Fred fought over who would have Hermione as a partner.

The party started to get a little rowdy for Severus and he slid away from the group as soon as he had beaten Lupin in chess. It made him feel like a cad to hear her tell the story of that night. He was at the door putting on his coat when Sasha caught him. "Don't go yet Sev. I think you owe me a dance." She looked dreamily at him.

"I know I owe you several." He pushed a strand of hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. "But I've got to get back before Wormtail comes home and gets suspicious." He managed a smile for this girl who always wanted him around when no one else did.

"You're probably right. Oh wait, I almost forgot your Christmas present." She ran to the closet and pulled out a box.

He suddenly felt very awkward. "Sasha, I didn't,"

"Oh I know we don't exchange, and it's nothing big. It's just that when I saw it, I thought of you and wanted you to have it. Go ahead and open it."

She was the only one who remembered to give him presents. He felt bad that he never remembered to get anything for her. He removed the lid of the box to find the winter scarf. It was such a dark shade of green it was almost black. She took it out of the box and tied it around his neck. "Just a little something to remember me by." He briefly considered pulling her into the closet and giving her one hell of a Christmas present but pushed that out of his head quickly. She deserved better treatment.

"Sasha?"

"Hmmm?" She tucked the scarf into his cloak and smoothed his collar.

"I can't believe you told that story"

"Don't worry. I'd never bring your name in to it to embarrass you."

"Did you really buy a green dress?" He asked sheepishly.

"Yes. Slytherin green, with mother's emeralds to match." She met his eyes with a sad smile that nearly broke his heart.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered. "I should never,"

"Shh." She put her fingers to his lips and spoke softly to him. "It's in the past now. It's alright."

He took her hand a pulled it slowly down. "It' not alright. I was a stupid boy and I hurt so many people. I was horrible to you when you asked me why. Sirius broke my nose that day. I suppose I deserved it."

"Your damn right you did!" Sirius boomed from the other room obviously evesdropping again.

Sasha rolled her eyes and shook her head hoping Severus would ignore him.

He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Merry Christmas Sasha." She looked up at him with her big blue eyes and he felt his mouth water. "Good night." He walked out onto the street and noticed it was just starting to snow. He enjoyed the feel of cashmere against his neck and the smell of her still on the fabric. No matter what came, he was going to watch over this one good thing in his life. He decided to do something very risky.

_AN: If you want to know what's up with Sirius and Molly read Black Dog. Just a one shot. _


	40. Chapter 39

CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

The Set up

Sasha apparated to Malfoy Manor in the late afternoon of December 31st. A warm family scene of Lucius and Draco playing billiards while Nacissa watched greeted her. "Sasha! Happy New Year!" Said Lucius, "How wonderful you could join us."

"I've missed too many New Years parties at Malfoy Manor. Cissy's hospitality is legend." She smiled and kissed her sister in law on both cheeks. Sasha surprised herself at how easily she slipped into aristocratic snob mode. Tonight would be about blending in and keeping her ears open.

"It's good to see you Aunt Sasha." Draco gave her a warm hug and she was pleased to see that he still had an air of boyish charm about him. However he looked far more mature than when she saw him last.

They were interrupted by one of the house elves that asked Nacissa about some of the last minute details of the party. Sasha turned back to her brother. "So who is on the guest list this year? The usual suspects or did you sprinkle in a few surprises"

"Of course Crabbe, Goyle, Mulciber…Snape."

"Snape?"

"Snape."

"Severus Snape?"

"Yes."

"Severus Snape the Potions Master?"

"The same." He snickered at her. "What's the problem?"

"You invited _him_?"

"Yes."

"Why?" She said flatly while staring at him. She just knew he was up to no good.

Lucius laughed deeply at this. "Well why not? We're old friends. You know that Sasha."

"Um, well let's see, he's anti-social, he has the wrong hair, which is a big faux pax with you, and oh yes, questionable lineage. He's never made the cut before, so what's the deal now?"

He laughed warmly. "Oh Sasha why are you always so suspicious of me?" He put an arm around her.

"Because I know you better than anyone except maybe Cissy." She raised an eyebrow at him and remembered that this was a facial expression Severus made all the time. She quickly recomposed her face. "Spill it Lucius. I know you're up to something."

He looked at her blankly for a moment and then walked over to the bar. "Brandy?"

"No thank you and you'd better lay off too. It's going to be a late night." He shrugged and poured himself one in spite of her. "I know you're up to something so out with it."

He sighed. "Severus was here yesterday and asking lots of questions about you."

"About me?"

"Yes." He smiled. "I have a feeling that he's finally taken an interest in you. Since I knew you were coming today, I invited him. You're not getting any younger you know."

"Oh thank you. That's lovely."

"Well it's true. And he does like you. You're the only one that puts up with his arrogance." He took a long drink and lined up his next shot. "It's time you settled down and he would be an excellent match." He took his shot and missed. Draco stepped up to the table.

"Settled down? Do you hear yourself? I don't understand you. You've always thought of him as second string unless you need something from him. He's penniless and not a pureblood. You haven't forgotten have you?"

"Don't be such a snob Sasha. He's a favorite of the Dark Lord and when this war is over, he will be in a very powerful position. It's your duty to the family to exploit this opportunity."

"Come now Sasha, Draco tells me you make lovely dance partners." Cissy beamed as Draco looked down and cleared his throat.

"Oh he did?" She gave him the eye and considered telling all she knew about he and Pansy Parkinson in the Forbidden Forest. "Should we all start telling tales about what goes on at Hogwarts?"

"Go get dressed ladies. The party will be starting in a few short hours. Sasha I trust you brought something acceptable to wear."

"Well I thought so, but that's before I knew I would be on display. Cissy, did Bella leave any clothes here? Perhaps I should wear that slutty little number she used to wear every New Years Eve." Lucius who had been taking a sip of brandy began to choke. "Relax brother dear." She said while patting him on the back. "It got ruined the year she shagged the bartender." She made a funny face at Draco and they both enjoyed the laugh as Cissy hustled her out of the room.

Upstairs Narcissa combed the wardrobes for the perfect ensemble for Sasha. "I've been dying to do this for years. You're still not bad looking you just need to clean up your act a bit." She went on. "What about these dark green robes? Severus will love you in his house colors."

Sasha shuddered at the familiar words. She had a feeling that his house colors would bring her bad luck again. "They'll clash with my eyes," she said weakly. She was slowly being overcome with fear. He had rejected her over and over again for so many years. She'd tried so many angles over the years, friend, adversary, student needing a tutor, comforter, co-worker, ally, spy, defender, all met with eventual crushing rejection. Now here she was being dolled up to try again as potential trophy wife. She knew the humiliation and heartbreak that was coming and she couldn't bear it again. Her hands were shaking and her breathing became labored. She felt the bile rise from her stomach. "Oh no." She barely made it to the bathroom before retching violently.

Narcissa ran in behind her and began fussing over her. "My dear are you ill? Have you eaten today? Let me fetch a healer." She knelled on the floor and put an arm around Sasha.

"No! Please No!" Sasha waved her off and vomited again. "I can't do this again Cissy." She leaned back against the wall and Cissy puller her into her arms as she cried. "I can't put myself out there for him to reject again. I love him so much. I've tried everything but it's hopeless. He doesn't want me. He loves a dead woman." She cried hard and loud as Narcissa held on to her and smoothed her hair.

"Shhh, There, there," she cooed until Sasha was calm again. "Sasha." Narcissa held her face in the palms of her hands until she looked at her. "You don't have to do this. You can walk away if you want to. You can go back to America or someplace else and never see him again. Is that what you want? Could you do that?" Sasha stiffened but didn't have to think about the answer.

"No." She cried softly.

"Then you're already in too deep." She said with conviction. "You have to keep trying." She spoke with authority. Sasha sighed and slumped back against the wall more depressed than she thought possible.

"Come on Sasha! Chin up! You were the belle of Hogwarts. Where's that Gryffindor courage?"

"Back at Gryffindor." She managed a weak smile.

"Alright so courage isn't your forte today. We'll have to resort to Slytherin tactics. If you want to catch a snake you have to think like a snake." Narcissa got up and pulled Sasha to her feet.

"Fine. But I'm not wearing that putrid green dress." She said wiping her mouth with her sleeve.

"Deal, but you smell like vomit. Hit the showers. I'm calling the shots for you tonight." Narcissa turned the shower on for her.

Sasha caught sight of her reflection in the mirror and was disgusted by her appearance. Her hair was a mess, and her eyes were red and puffy. "Oh Cis, I'm afraid you don't have much to work with." She began to cry again.

"Don't be silly. You will enter this party looking like a queen tonight."

Sasha stood in the hot shower trying to pull herself together. She still felt a deep sense of hopelessness at the situation but Narcissa was right. She was in too deep and couldn't walk away.

When she walked out to the dressing area, Narcissa was there with a team of "stylists" and at least three house elves that they were bossing around. "Well at least now you don't smell. Let's get to work."

By the time they were finished with her, Sasha didn't' recognize herself. Her long golden hair was beautifully twisted high on her head showing off her luminous skin and long neck. She was dressed in and elegant dark blue silk gown that fit perfectly. The neckline was modestly cut but the back plunged just past the small of her back. The finishing touches were white kid gloves and the Malfoy family diamonds that had once belonged to her mother.

"What do you think?" asked Narcissa looking over her shoulder at their reflection in the mirror.

"I don't know Cissy. It's so…formal."

"Yes it is but you'll never catch a man like Severus when you're running around looking like a Gryffindor hippie." She said exasperatedly. All the Slytherins referred to the Gryffindors as hippies. Sirius would have thought this was hilarious. Sasha desperately wished he were here for moral support. Cissy was sweet but it just wasn't the same as having her cousin and best friend there.

"Sev is a particularly formal man. He will like this." She continued to gush.

"I look like mother."

"But hotter."

"Gross." Sasha narrowed her eyes and looked at Cissy.

"And watch your slang and swearing. If you act like that you'll blow it completely. Listen to me." She put her hand under Sasha's chin and looked her in the eye. "Play your role tonight. You are the ice princess of Malfoy Manor. Just remember that anytime you're tempted to be yourself."

"Gee thanks."

"I'm serious. Be distant. Be aloof. It will make him try harder. That's your problem. You fawn all over him and it creeps him out."

"I don't fawn all over him and creep him out." She quickly snapped.

"Shush! You do too. It's embarrassing. Lily Evans never gave him a thought and just look at the way he fell all over himself for her." Narcissa said dismissively. Sasha froze taken aback by the mention of Lily's name. Her lower lip began to quiver. "Oh I'm sorry Sasha but really, this worked with Lucius and they are very similar in demeanor."

"It's alright Cissy. Thank you for helping me. You should get ready yourself. I'm fine."

"Alright then." She swept towards the door. Sasha was grateful for a moment of peace and went to the chaise to sit down.

"Don't sit down you'll wrinkle your dress." Cissy snapped before Sasha could sit.

She walked over to the mirror and examined herself. Was this what he wanted?


	41. Chapter 40 The Ball at Malfoy Manor

CHAPTER FORTY

The Ball at Malfoy Manor

Sasha descended the stairs fifteen minutes late as directed by Narcissa. She felt a little unsteady and held on to the rail for support. She scanned the room from this high vantage point for Severus. She spotted him at the same moment he saw her. He looked even more handsome than the night of the Yule Ball but also slightly confused, like he didn't recognize her. Oh keep it together Sasha. Ice Princess, just like Cissy said.

Their eyes locked and she smiled as he approached her at the foot of the stairs. He made the grand gesture of kissing her hand. It struck her as amusing. Igor did this all the time and it didn't phase her. For some reason when Severus did it, it was extremely sexy. The way his hair swung forward and he raised only his eyes to her face were beautiful.

"Good Evening Sasha. You look exquisite."

"Thank you Severus." She said coolly. "Will you please take a turn about the room with me and help me receive our guests?" He nodded formally and obeyed. As they walked about the room he looked at her curiously, like he was trying to figure something out. After they had spoken to most of the guests Severus was eager to get her alone.

"Sasha I understand that Malfoy Manor has an unparalleled collection of art. Could I trouble you to offer me a tour of your gallery?"

"I'd be happy to." She tried to sound aloof but didn't think her voice achieved the desired affect.

She showed him around the gallery and pointed out various paintings and busts of dead ancestors. Severus found a bench and sat down, leaning back on the wall behind him and stretching out his long legs. "It's just us now Sasha. Would you mind telling me what all this is about?"

"What 'all what' is about?" she asked.

"The whole thing." He said gestured towards her.

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean. What whole thing?"

He held his hand out to her and she walked over and took it as he pulled her onto the bench with him. "Come off it Sasha. Your hair, the dress, enough jewels to feed all of Europe for a year. You're walking around like queen of the castle tonight in a room full of people you loathe. I know you're on a mission tonight but don't you think this is over the top? You look more like Lucius than Sasha. What's going on?"

"I told them this was ridiculous." She sighed.

"Told who what was ridiculous?"

"Lucius and Cissy. They said I'm an old maid and an embarrassment to the family, like I didn't know that already, and they want to pawn me off on you since your stock is apparently rising with the Dark Lord. Oh and also I'm the only one who puts up with your bullshit so apparently that makes us a match made in heaven."

His deep rich laughter filled the room. "All this for me? How flattering." He tried to sound like this was amusing to him but it made his stomach flip.

"I'm so glad you're amused. Personally I find it humiliating."

He continued to laugh softly. "Come on Sasha, you don't need all this to look beautiful in my eyes." It was out before he could stop himself. She had a way of making him feel so relaxed that his guard came down.

Sasha was shocked at this compliment. It was out of character. "Have you been drinking?"

He considered lying but then decided to remain honest with her. Perhaps it would help him to find the truth within himself. "No." He said suddenly serious. He took her hand and pulled off her bracelet and ring that were over her gloves. Then he slowly removed her gloves. Sasha's breathing was shallow and she hoped it wasn't as loud as she thought it was. He then reached up and removed two large clip earrings and placed everything in her hands. "Go put these away and then come back down for dinner with me. I'll play along and we'll get through the night together."

"Alright then." She stood up and turned to leave.

"And wipe that red lipstick off your face. It's ghastly." He added.

"Okay." She said without turning around.

"But leave your hair up. I like looking at your neck."

She turned her head slightly and smiled and then walked slowly out of the room. He studied her bare back and the way her hips moved when she walked. It made him feel underage.

When Sasha walked downstairs to rejoin the party the guests were already seated for dinner at a long table. There was one vacant seat beside Lucius at the head of the table with Severus on the other side of her. The both stood as she approached. Severus took her hand and kissed it again. "Now you look like my Sasha." He smiled and his black eyes met hers. Merlin's Beard, he has no idea what he does to me. 'His Sasha,' I could live on that for the rest of my life.

Sasha was quiet though most of dinner trying to avoid arguments and keeping her ears open.  
After a lengthy dinner the men gathered together to smoke and drink brandy while the women gathered to gossip. She avoided the Slytherin women and went outside for some air. She stood on the veranda looking over the expansive grounds. It looked like a fairy tale. It was all a fake fairy tale tonight; her fake appearance, fake date with Severus, fake conversations. The evening had been a bust from a strategic standpoint, as she hadn't learned anything new. She would have before now if Severus hadn't still been here. She decided to hang around outside until after midnight and then make her excuses to leave. She would love nothing more than to be kissed by Severus at midnight but knowing it wasn't real and never would be was too much.

"Hiding from me?" His voice startled her.

"I always hide at midnight. New Years Eve is such an embarrassment. Your either not being kissed or getting the pity kiss from a friends date. I'd much rather hide."

"I think I'll hide with you."

Sasha laughed. Every now and then she got the feeling they were not so different after all.

"So I'll chalk this up to another one of Sasha's theories on life. Always hide at midnight on New Years Eve." He laughed but was getting distracted by the way the skin on her neck looked in the moonlight.

"I presume Lucius sent you out here to ensure I was properly kissed at midnight."

"Yes." He lied.

"Well you needn't worry. I won't hold you to it. We'll make up a delicious lie and get you off the hook."

He decided he'd had one too many from the way his body reacted to her using delicious and getting him off in the same sentence. "How considerate." He said absentmindedly while looking intensely at her.

"I'm sorry you've walked into such a man trap. I wouldn't have come if I knew Lucius would put you in such a ridiculous situation."

"I've had worse assignments." He swallowed and decided for once in his life to make a move. "You do look beautiful tonight Sasha."

She smiled but didn't really believe him. "Thanks"

The clock began to strike midnight as he moved closer to her. Her breathing quickened. "Lucius is watching." He pulled her close with one arm and touched her cheek with the other. "I don't think we can get away with a lie." She stopped breathing and everything was still for a moment. Then he kissed her slowly and firmly.

He was prepared for her to kiss him back. She did. He was prepared to enjoy it. He did exceedingly. He was not prepared for the lush feel of her curvaceous body against his. She completely relaxed and her body gave in to him, melting into his chest. Her hands wound around his neck and snaked through his black hair as she kept his lips on hers and kissed him hungrily. He tried in vain to stop himself but her lips moved to his neck and he was held powerless by the feel of her warm breath on his skin. He was not prepared for his body's involuntary reaction as he grew hard and reason left his mind completely. She felt his increasing desire and a breathless moan escaped her as she whispered into his ear. "Severus." His mouth found her neck and he began to work his way down as he reveled in the taste of her. She put her arms under his robes, untucked his shirt and ran her hands along the bare skin of his back. She felt more breath escape him at her touch and he pulled her firmly against the part of him that needed her most. As her hands felt his muscular back he grabbed her backside and pulled her body harder against him. "Sasha." He moaned as her hand went down his back and began to slip into his trousers.

BANG they were jolted back to reality by the sound of someone apperating noisily inside the house followed by a woman's maniacal laughter.

"Severus what was that?" she said breathing heavily. His eyes narrowed and he held a finger to his lips for her to be quiet as he stepped lightly over to the window and peered in. She remained where she was still a little dazed. He stepped back to her quickly ducking down a bit.

"It's the Dark Lord and Bellatrix." He whispered quickly.

"Bellatrix? But she's in Askaban."

"Not anymore. Sasha listen to me. I want to you apparate as closely as you can to Hogwarts and then go directly to Dumbledor's office. Speak to no one. Tell him what's happened and then wait for me there. Don't leave until I get there.

"Come with me Severus, please." She was desperate to get him out of danger.

"No Sasha. They trust me. I'll be fine." He kissed her quickly. "Now go."

_AN: Just one more reason to hate Bella and Voldy. Bastards!_


	42. Chapter 41 Reality Check

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

Reality Check

Sasha unwillingly did as Severus told her to do and apparated just outside the castle grounds. She made her way inside through one of the little known passages that she learned about from the Marauders long ago. She took off her shoes so she could run quietly and quickly made her way to Dumbledore's office. She didn't know the most current password and so knocked softly on the door. She was startled as Albus opened it quickly. She had expected him to be asleep.

"Sasha, what brings you here at this late hour? I'd expected you to still be at your brother's house ringing in the new year."

"I have to see you. It's Severus." She pushed by him as she stepped into the room.

"Severus? Have you seen him? I thought he was at Spinner's End for Winter Break."

"He came to the ball tonight." She felt tears start to come as she thought about him still in that den of Death Eaters.

"Uh." Dumbledore rolled his eyes obviously annoyed. "That was not the plan for this evening Sasha. May I ask why you chose to deviate from my instructions?"

"I didn't know he was coming. He decided I needed help and somehow managed to get himself invited. Albus, the Dark Lord appeared just after midnight with Bellatrix."

"Yes, I've already received news of the breakout. It was apparently a massive breech and quite a few escaped. My intelligence tells me the Ministry is going to spin this to blame Sirius."

"That doesn't surprise me." She threw up her hands. Poor Sirius."

He casually walked over to a cabinet. "Can I offer you some libation? You look as if you are in need of a New Years toast."

She shook her head no as she sat down and wrung her hands. He studied her. "You look worried Sasha. Is there something else you need to tell me?"

"No, that's all I know. Severus sent me here to wait for him. I begged him to come but he stayed. He's so brave."

"You care a great deal about Severus don't you?"

"He is everything to me." She looked down at her hands. They were shaking.

"He is not an easy person to care for in my opinion. He doesn't allow many people into his life."

"I'll never give up on him." She wiped her sweaty palms on her dress and closed her hands.

"I'm glad he has someone who cares about him, even if he doesn't realize how great a gift this is." He sat behind his desk and looked over his glasses at her. "Tell me, did you gain any other information this evening?"

"Not a bit. I suppose they don't trust me. Nor should they. Perhaps Severus learned something that I'm not aware of."

"Let's hope so.

The time passed agonizingly slow for Sasha. Albus didn't seem particularly worried. He read and studied his pensive for the next hour while Sasha paced. She couldn't get that kiss out of her mind. If she lived to be one hundred years old, it would still be burned into her memory. The way his body felt against hers and how he whispered her name in her ear. She could still feel his breath on her neck and it sent goosebumps down her arm.. She was desperate to see him again for so many reasons.

Around one-thirty in the morning the door burst open and her hero came striding into the room. Before she ran to him she briefly observed a look of fear in his eyes that was normally not there even in the most dangerous of times. "Severus, Thank goodness you're safe." She hugged him and he held her firmly for a moment but then pushed her off and pulled Dumbledore into another room presumably to relay some intelligence. She flopped down on the couch and breathed a sigh of relief. He was safe. For now.

He emerged from the room after what seemed like hours.

"Severus, are you alright? You look worried."  
"Yes. Come with me I'll escort you back home. I need to speak with Sirius anyway." He took her hand and pulled her out of the office roughly.

She persisted as they walked through the castle. "Something happened tonight that's got you worried. You're not telling me everything."

"You don't need to know everything."

"I do if it concerns you."

"Enough!" He growled as he turned on her. His tone shocked her and she stopped in her tracks. He turned to face her and then his tone softened. "Come Sasha, let's get you home." She didn't speak to him again, knowing when not to push him. They walked silently just outside of the grounds and then apparated to Number 12 Grimmauld Place.

They entered the living room to find Sirius still up sitting by the fire. Relief showed in his face as they walked through the door. "Black! Get up! I need to speak with you." Black robes billowed behind Severus as he strode into the study. Sirius narrowed his eyes and followed him immediately. "Go to bed Sasha." Severus snapped sounding every bit as bitter as he had on her first night back at Hogwarts prior to the tournament. Sirius shut the door behind them.

She ignored the request. She went to the kitchen and prepared a pot of coffee, which she brought back into the living room and set on the table. She poured herself a cup but was too nervous to drink it. She paced across the room as she had in Dumbledore's office. What was he not telling her? Why was he pushing her away again after the moment they shared? Didn't it mean anything to him?

The two men emerged from the room about an hour later. Sirius looked steely with none of the usual humor in his eyes. Severus avoided eye contact with Sasha and walked past her towards the door.

"Severus, where are you going?"

"Back to Hogwarts. I told you to go to bed."

"When will I see you again?" She blocked the door and touched his arm. She tried to get him to look at her, but he wouldn't.

"It's not safe for you to be anywhere near me or Lucius for that matter. You're to have no further contact with him unless I know about it first and tell you it's alright."

"What are you talking about? Lucius would never hurt me."

"Damnit Sasha!" He threw her hand off his arm. "How is it possible that you're still so naive? The Dark Lord caught wind of your being there tonight. Mulciber remarked on the way you looked and that you were obviously with me. He wants to use you to test my loyalty and punish Lucius for perceived slights against the Dark Lord. Sasha, if they get to you, he'll…." He trailed off too horrified to go on. His face twisted.

"He'll what?"

"He'll make Barty Junior look like a gentleman. You'll become their…property. I've seen it happen many times. They aren't kidding. They enslaved women. The press didn't report it but I know it happened. I saw it happen."

"Oh."

"Listen to me. I won't let them. I told them you were part of the order and gave up some information that I told them I got from you. If they think you're useful, no harm will come to you. But Sasha we can't keep tempting fate. You have to listen to me. Can you do that?"

She nodded.

"Promise me. Say yes." He put his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes. His heart was pounding and he wondered if she could hear it.

"Yes Severus." She spoke softly.

He lowered his voice but looked so sad. "Good girl. Now, you're not to contact me. Not trips to Hogsmeade, no using the floo, no owls, nothing. No contact with Lucius, Cissy or Draco either. Don't even leave the house."

"What?" she gave a slight laugh in disbelief. "Don't you think that's a bit extreme?"

"No I don't." He said firmly. "Sirius isn't going to let you out of his sight so don't think you can sneak out either." He looked over his shoulder and Sirius nodded at them.

"You think I need a chaperone?"

"I know you need protection."

"Fine, but you didn't answer my question. When will I see you again?"

He looked at her intently and when he spoke there was no emotion in his voice. "You won't." He took his hands off her.

"I won't? You mean for a little while right?"

"No, I mean you won't. I won't come here and you won't seek me out. If you do I won't see you."

"But Sev, I thought." She felt for his hand but he pulled it back. He looked down and his hair covered his eyes. "Severus?"

"It's not going to happen between us Sasha." His eyes never left the floor as he spoke.

"No," She shook her head and tears burned her eyes. "Please don't say that."

"I can't give you what you want." He was still looking down.

"Severus please."

"It's no good Sasha!" He stepped back away from her. "I don't love you. I'm never going to. My love died years ago."

"Stop it!" She pushed his chest knocking him off balance. "I don't' want to hear it." Her voice resonated in the hallway.

"You've got to hear it! And accept it! I loved Lily. Only her. She was all I ever wanted and your friend that fucking bastard Potter took her from me! He took everything. I'm not doing that again. Ever!" His voice echoed through the hall.

"No, you're just saying that." She sobbed.

"Really? Wake up! If I gave a damn why wouldn't I be with you before now? You've dangled yourself in front of me like candy every time you see me. If I wanted you it certainly wouldn't be that difficult. Have I ever given you any hope? Ever?"

"Yes, tonight." She sobbed.

"Lucius was watching. That was an act."

"No. It was more than that."

"You're kidding yourself."

"No, I felt something more when you kissed me."

"You imagined it."

"No! You kissed me. You whispered my name. It meant something to you. I know it did. Please Severus, I love you so much." She cried loudly and pleaded with him.

Severus took a deep breath and set his jaw. He hated himself for what he was about to do and hated her for making him do it. When he spoke again, it was in the icy voice that he was infamous for. "Is that what Karkaroff said to you last year after you snogged all over him? Or did that _mean_ something too?" She looked at him with hurt in her eyes but still a glimmer of love. He had no choice but to go for her throat. "You're a bit of a cocktease don't you think?"

She slapped his face so hard it knocked him into the wall. But it was he who had scored the direct hit. He never missed when he focused his aim. He straightened up and put his hand to his still burning cheek. He moved his jaw is if it was out of place. "Happy New Year Miss Malfoy." He said snottily and coldly. Then he made his exit.

_AN: Why is he so hot when he acts like a bastard? My apologies to canon loyalists. I'm a bit off on the breakout timing but it just worked. _


	43. Chapter 42 As Tears Go By

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

As Tears Go By

Severus spent the loneliest birthday he could remember holed up in his room. If he hadn't pushed her away again Sasha would be with him right now. She always remembered his birthday. His head was still spinning as it had for the eight days prior. He couldn't stop thinking about the feel of her body against his and how she totally gave in to him. He should be with her right now finishing what he started on the veranda. _Merlin that was amazing._ He had quite literally never experienced anything like it. He wanted nothing more than to take her into his bed and continue for hours upon hours. But it was not to be tonight or perhaps any other night. He was poison for her.

Despite his physical needs, he could never give her more feeling than friendship and she would never settle for that. She would always be pushing for more. It wasn't fair to use her friendship when he needed a friend, knowing how it raised her hopes. She would always be a mere substitute for Lily in his life, a placeholder where something else should be. Still he had an ache in his chest that just didn't add up with everything else. He was so lonesome he would have given anything to be with her tonight on almost any terms.

Even if they could work out the terms of their relationship, right now it was just unsafe. No matter how miserable he was he would never endanger her like that again. He should have known better than to allow her to attend the ball with or without him. He felt horrible about the things he'd said to her that night but damnit, she just didn't listen. He couldn't just tell her to stay away because she _never_ listened. He had to cut her to the bone.

He looked up at the shelf of the picture of the two of them so long ago. He picked it up and watched her sweet expression then shoved it in the drawer. Would he ever be free of this woman?

There was a knock at the door and although he was struggling to push every thought of her away he ran to the door knowing it was Sasha, and prepared to be completely selfish. To take her in his arms and never let her go. He knew she wouldn't leave him alone tonight on his birthday. But it was only Dumbledore.

"Good evening Severus." He must have looked obviously disappointed. "Were you expecting someone else?"

"No. Come in Headmaster." He said formally

"Thank you." Dumbledore entered the room looking around. Severus wondered what this nosey old many was looking for.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit this evening?"

"I'm concerned about you. You're looking ill this last week my son."

"I'm not your son and I'm not ill." Severus snapped at him. The sooner he was left to himself the better.

"I think of you as a son. I worry about you."

"You needn't trouble yourself."

"It occurs to me that your sickliness typically coincides with separations from Miss Malfoy." Dumbledore paused in front of the bookshelf. He noticed that the picture of the two of them was conspicuously absent.

"Are we going to have this conversation again? I've told you, your original thought was right. For her safety, the less contact I have with her the better."

"That's a very noble trait to put someone else's needs before your own. You must care a great deal about her."

"I'm not noble. I don't need her. She's merely a friend." He was getting angry now. How dare this man stick his nose into other people's affairs.

"You know it is possible to move on, possible to fall in love again. People do it all the time." Dumbledore patted him nonchalantly on the back and walked back to the door. "Listen to your heart Severus. What does it tell you?"

_ It's so loud I can't hear it._

Valentines Day

Sasha watched Sirius as he stoked the fire and sat down opposite her in the living room of his family home. He looked well again after months of Molly's cooking and care. He looked more like his old self every day and finally had that glint in his eye that women found irresistible in his youth. He also took great care in choosing his wardrobe again and Sasha thought if he ever left the house again the women of London wouldn't stand a chance. Remus technically may be the werewolf but Sirius was the quintessential "Werewolf of London".

She on the other hand hadn't worn anything but her pajamas or Reg's old sweats since New Years Eve. She stopped wearing makeup and kept her hair in a ponytail. She'd lost weight. At present she hadn't taken a shower in two or three days, she couldn't remember which but it didn't matter anyway. If anyone commented on her hygiene she promptly told them to piss off. Her grooming matched her surly disposition and both were driving people away. If she couldn't be with Severus she didn't care if anyone else was around.

Molly and Arthur were dressed to the nines and getting ready for a romantic Valentines night out. Sasha wasn't watching them however. She was watching Sirius. His eyes painfully followed Molly as she moved around the room. Sasha knew that look. She could have been looking at her reflection. It was how she looked at Severus. This was not good at all. He didn't notice she was watching him until Molly and Arthur walked out the door and he heard it shut. Then he met her eyes. She raised an eyebrow at him, just like Severus always did to her.

"What?"

"You know what."

He growled and got up to pour himself a glass of brandy. He looked at it before he drank it and then at Sasha. He handed her the drink and sighed. Then he poured another for himself.

"Does she know?"

"Of course not." His voice cracked and it hurt her to hear him so sad.

"Are you going to tell her?"

He didn't answer right away but stared into the fire. "I wouldn't insult her in that manner."

"How would that insult her?

"It would imply that I think she might actually do something about it. That I think she is the kind of women who would leave her husband and children. She would never do that. I know she loves him. Despite my reputation, I'm no so presumptuous." He said coldly then drained his glass and poured another.

His reputation did him a disservice in her opinion. He wasn't all bravado and one night stands. Beneath that exterior was the heart of a romantic although he'd rather die than be found out.

"So you're just going to suffer alone in silence."

"I'm not alone." He clinked his glass to hers. "I'm suffering with you."

They smiled at each other and drank to their misery.

"Sasha, you've always understood me better than anyone. We may be only distant cousins but you've always been my true family." She smiled and watched him take another sip. "In case something happens. I just wanted you to know that."

"I've always known that Sirius. But it means so much to hear you say it." She put her glass on the table and put both arms around him resting her head on his shoulder. He leaned his head to the side and rested it on hers. "I love you Sirius."

"Love you too Sash. Aren't we a fine pair?" He laughed. "The two hottest tickets in our year and here we are alone and miserable on Valentines Day of all days."

"Sadly it's not the first time and at the rate we're going, it probably won't be the last I'm afraid." She hugged him tightly and cried in silence on his shoulder for both of them.

March rolled around and Sasha and Sirius were spending another familiar evening alone. Arthur and Molly were out enjoying London yet again. He had recently been taking her out on the town as much as possible. Sasha secretly wondered if he suspected that the devastatingly handsome Sirius Black felt some romantic inclination towards his wife. However if he did, he didn't reveal a thing. He just seemed more focused on his wife lately. It was probably a smart move in Sasha's mind. She'd never seen a woman that Sirius couldn't get if he wanted to. And if it meant Molly was more appreciated, well all the better. Still Sirius looked depressed this evening. If things were different, and he could go out, she suspected he might feel better. He might meet someone.

He was setting up a scrabble board, a muggle game that they had become quite fond of.

"Where's Remus? Is he joining us tonight or going to see Tonks?" Sasha sighed. She enjoyed the company but was sick to death of scrabble. She looked down at her ankles where Reg's sweats were fraying. She noticed she had on two different socks and wondered how long she'd had them on.

"No, she wants to see him but he said he wanted her to move out for a reason and he wouldn't be in contact with her. She's come by twice today but he won't see her."

"Sounds familiar." Sasha leaned back and put her arms over her head. She caught a whiff of herself and it was rather foul. Sirius must have noticed too.

He studied her. "How long are you going to wear my brother's sweatshirt? I think it could walk around the house on it's own by now." She shrugged and picked her scrabble tiles. "And I can smell your hair from here. You know if Severus did walk through the door right now he wouldn't even recognize you."

"Well he won't. So who cares." She pouted.

"Ugh, well I have to live with you. No scrabble till you shower. You reek!"

"Piss off." She punctuated this with an obscene gesture.

"I'm not kidding. It's disgusting. You've got to get it together."

"I'm going to bed." She sulked.

"Fine." He waved his hand around as if to clear the room of her stench.

Suddenly there was a loud sound of breaking glass upstairs. Then howling in the distance. "Remus!" Sirius yelled and they both ran up the stairs to his room as fast as they could. They found his clothes in shreds on the bedroom floor and the window broken. His wolfs bane potion was on his nightstand. "Damn!" Sirius picked up the bottle. "I told him we had to get this from Severus. Most other wizards don't make it properly."

Sasha felt sick at hearing his name. "Where do you think he went?"

"Tonks. Come on." He grabbed her hand and they ran towards the front door. They ran through the streets of London in the biting cold night air. Sasha didn't think about the danger they had just put themselves in by leaving the house and themselves unprotected. They just reacted. Sirius must have thought about it at some point for he phased into his canine form and outran her.

They arrived at her flat and Sirius bounded up the fire escape stairs ahead of her. The window was open and Sasha took this as a bad sign. They entered the room to find Remus phased back to his human form, naked and unconscious. Tonks lay on the other side of the room in a pool of blood trying to cover a stomach wound with her hand.

"Oh no, Tonks!" Sasha ran to her as Sirius checked on Remus. She was barely conscious.

"Remus." Tonks whispered. "Is he alright? I didn't mean to hurt him."

"Didn't mean to hurt_ him_?" Sirius barked. "He's knocked out but fine."

"Sirius, come here." Sasha said gravely. "This is bad. This is really bad." Blood was pouring out of Tonks and her color draining as well."

"We have to get her to the hospital." Sirius said.

"No. They'll ask too many questions. Take her to Severus."

"You're right. Do you think she's strong enough for us to apparate her?"

"No, you'll have to use the floo. Sev's found a way around Umbridge's trace. You'll be fine."

"Aren't you coming?"

"No, someone has to stay with Remus."

"I'll stay. You go."

"No." She snapped.

"Sasha."

"Sirius please. I can't. He's made it quite clear that he doesn't want to see me. Please, it just hurts so bad."

"Alright. Shall I give him a message?"

Sasha merely shook her head no. She helped him lift Tonks to the floo and tossed the power in. Then she returned to Remus and covered him with a blanket. She eased him flat onto the floor and put a pillow under his head. There was nothing more to be done for him until he came too. So she held his hand and waited.

Severus was more than a little shocked to see Sirius and Tonks appear so suddenly in his room. As always he was as cold as ice and decisive under pressure. "Put her on the bed." Sirius obeyed and fetched various medicinal potions from the shelf as directed by Severus while he chanted over her body and the wounds began to close. "I suppose I can guess how this happened. Lupin not taking his potion?"

"He was but I don't know where he got it. He was in the house with us. It must have been substandard."

"In the house? Where's Sasha? Is she alright?"

"She's fine. She stayed behind with him."

"You imbecile! Are you barking mad? You left her alone with a werewolf during a full moon? You were supposed to be protecting her." Severus was livid.

"She refused to come with me. She didn't think you wanted to see her."

Severus went back to tending Tonks and did not respond.  
"Was she wrong?"

"No." He responded without looking up.

"She's not doing well you know. I can't get a smile out of her anymore." Severus quickly looked up at him. "Bumming around in sweats if she gets out of bed at all. She won't take care of herself."

"Is she ill?"

"She misses you."

Severus looks back and works on bandaging Tonks. He suddenly felt the need to explain himself. "I didn't want to hurt her." He said softly. "You know that don't you? I did what I had to do. There was no other way."

"You did the right thing Severus. I just wish you didn't have to."

_That makes two of us_. He continued to bandage. "What's it to you anyway?"

"I don't like to see Sasha unhappy. You two could be very happy if the circumstances were ever right."

"I don't think so." He got up and went to the cabinet to put the bandages away. "I had one chance at happiness. Your friend Potter took it away."

"If you ever really had a chance it would have been impossible for him to take it away from you." Sirius shrugged.

Without thinking Severus turned on him with a vengence and stuck his wand under his throat. "Mind your manners Black. I bested you last and I can do it again easily."

Sirius rolled his eyes and pushed the wand away from his face. "Relax Severus. Haven't we outgrown all this?"

Severus put his wand away and squared his jaw. I've got things under control with Nymphadora. If you're so concerned about Sasha I suggest you go make sure she hasn't been ripped apart by your friend Lupin."

"Fine."

"Does she know I had to tell the Dark Lord that you were acting as an active part of the Order?"

"No. I told you I wouldn't mention it. There's no sense in worrying her."

"Good."

"Shall I give her a message?"

"No."

"You're a fool Severus. I'll be back in the morning to check on Tonks."

In April, the Order of the Phenoix assembled for their monthly meeting at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place. Sasha had been sitting at the kitchen table helping Molly with meneal tasks all day to take her mind of her own sorrows. About an hour before the meeting Molly insisted she go upstairs and take a shower. She went upstairs to avoid an argument and took as long as she could so she could avoid the pre-meeting small talk. She childishly decided to rebel by not showering but merely changing clothes.

She didn't want to wear any of her own clothes. She felt like shedding her identity. Reg's closet was the best place to find something to wear these days. She found his old black LedZepplin shirt and threw it over a pair of her old faded jeans. She re-did her hair in a ponytail, skipped makeup and went downstairs barefoot. Cissy would have a field day with me now. She thought.

The meeting was already in progress as she walked down the hall. She heard the voice of Sirius. "How are Harry's occulemency lessons coming Snape?" Snape! He was there. The sound of his voice enveloped her. _ Shit! I should have showered_.

"They are over. He can block. He can attack. He's got it." Severus had his back to the door and Sasha came up behind him.

"Surely this technique can be perfected. Why don't you continue?"

"Why don't you? That should be a love fest." Severus snapped.

Sasha looked at Sirius and motioned for him to stop pushing. "I'll talk to him," she mouthed. Severus saw Sirius looking past him and turned at the same moment Sasha put a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at her with heavy sorrow in his eyes. She gave him a feeble smile and a sensation of warmth ran through him.

When the meeting came to an end he took Sasha's hand. "Sasha, can we talk before I go?" She sighed heavily, closed her eyes and nodded. She took his hand and led him upstairs to Regs' room. She was already exhausted and they hadn't even started their conversation yet. She wasn't sure she was up to this seesaw ride again.

"I know I've no right to be here." He said after shutting the door behind him. _Well, well, cutting right to the chase this time._ "My behavior was out of bounds and at your family home too." He walked over and examined a quidditch team picture on the wall. "I was the one leading you on that night. I don't know. I guess I'd had too much to drink. I didn't plan on kissing you but you," he turned to face her, "you were so beautiful and then I just, well I just couldn't stop myself."

"Severus please don't." She looked down at the rug and focused very hard on a piece of lint.

"Then I said those awful things. It seems' I'm always doing that. I'm always hurting the ones that matter. Sasha you do matter very much to me."

She shook her head without realizing she was doing it. "I don't think I can do this again Sev." She was still focusing on the lint. "It hurts." She felt suddenly dizzy and sat down on the bed.

He sat down beside her cautiously. "Please don't say that now. You're my best friend Sasha."

Had she not been so emotionally exhausted she would have been angry. Friendship would never be enough. But she had no fight left, only some tepid sarcasm. "Well, brilliant." She said with a roll of her eyes. "Great. And what am I expected to do with that little bit of information?'

He took her hand and was surprised when she sighed impatiently. "I've no right to ask this. I'll never be able to give you the love that you want me to. But if you'll give me back your friendship, I'll give you everything I have left. I'll give you all I've got."

Sasha looked in his eyes with a great feeling of sadness. It was truly hopeless.

"Please."

Still she could never deny him. "Oh Sev," she said while patting his hand on hers. "You can never lose my friendship."

"Good. It's the most valuable thing in my life."

A few months ago she would have chalked this up to one of those flashes of loveliness she lived for. Now however it was merely a prelude to his inevitable snap back when he would flip out and leave over something. Nothing had really changed. She would rather get it over with sooner than later. Much like ripping off a bandage.

He sniffed the air. "What's that smell?"

Now she was really exasperated. "It's a new fragrance I'm trying. It's called ambivalence." He made no response other than raising an eyebrow at her. She stood up. "Look I'll go make you a pot of tea and then when I come back up you can tell me what you're needing to talk about."

"Why do you assume I need to talk about something."

"Well why else would you come? Certainly not because I need you. I've needed you for months, years actually." Her tone was so cold she surprised both of them. "Oh don't worry, I've come to expect this tired old pattern. And certainly don't concern yourself with further apologies." She left the room and went down to the kitchen.

She frittered around doing nothing and then came back to the room thirty minutes later with full tea tray.

"What took so long?" Severus was more off balance than usual.

"Oh, I thought you'd be gone by now." She said flatly.

"Do you want me to go?"

"No." She poured his tea and gave it to him. "So what's going on with the lessons?"

"They're over. He finally picked it up. Took him long enough too for someone who's supposed to be the chosen one."

"But why drop him? He's not that bad a kid and if you can improve his skills,"

"He got into my mind Sasha." He snapped cutting her off. "I can't let that continue. Too many things are…horrific." He sat down on the bed and put his head in his hand.

Sasha sat down next to him and placed her hand on his back. "I see. Do you want to tell me what he saw?"

"No."

"It might make you feel better."

"I'm quite positive it would not."

"Something from your Death Eater days?"

"Worse."

"Oh I see. James or Lily?"

He looks at her with narrowed eyes, then back down at the floor. "You know me well Sasha.

"It's my full time occupation."  
"It was James. My very worst memory."

"Oh. You don't have to explain. I understand now. How much did he see?"

Severus felt his face flush red at the memory. He was embarrassed to discuss it with Sasha and made no response. Sasha's stomach flipped as she recalled how she had inadvertently had a hand in it by telling James that Lily was going to a ball with Severus.

She hated hearing this story again and hated it that he had to relive it. She proceeded with care.

"Did he hear you call Lilly…"she didn't have the heart to finish the sentence.

"No." He swallowed hard. "I pushed him out before he got that far. But he saw his father. He saw what he did to me."

"I'm so sorry Severus. I know that was hard on you."

"Not for the reason you may think." He shrugged. "I certainly didn't want him of all people to witness my humiliation but his reaction caught me off guard."

"What do you mean?"

"He was apologetic for his father's behavior."

"Ha! Aren't we all?"

"True but he didn't know James as we did. He idolized his father. He didn't know what a bully he was and Sirius too. I shattered his illusions and took one more thing away from him."

Sasha looked at him and thought he was undoubtedly the kindest man in the world.

"It was one of the few gifts in his life and I took it."

"Maybe I should have a talk with him."

"You?"

"Well you know, James and I were friends. Maybe I could enlighten him on his good points." She smiled on one side of her mouth.

Severus shrugged her off and stood up to cross the room. "His good points! Well that should be a short conversation. How can you sit there and defend what he did to me?"

"I can't. His actions were indefensible. But I understand him."

"Well that's just…brilliant." He sputtered.

"Hear me out. No one is perfect Sev."

"I have to go." He moved towards the door but Sasha stood in his way.

"Look where we are. Regs room. I loved Regulus but he was always sucking up to the family. He became a Death Eater, but I didn't cut him out of my life. I understood he was driven by a need to be accepted by his parents and get out of his brother's shadow."

"So what?"

"So if I cut everyone out of my life because I didn't agree with them, I wouldn't have anyone in my life. That includes you by the way."

"So I should forgive and forget? Well I can't."

"I don't expect you to forgive James but know this. James was not a bully."

He snorted with a half smile while looking at the ceiling. "Really? Well thank you for enlightening me."

"Shut up and listen to me. Did you ever see him hurt another living soul?"

Severus narrowed his eyes at her as he considered this. It was true but he was loath to admit it. "Well he hurt me. He ruined my life with a vengeance."

"That's right a vengeance. He didn't come after you because he thought you were weak. He loved Lily every bit as much as you did and he attacked you to get you and keep you out of the way."

This realization shifted his perception of those days. He wasn't a weakling. He was a worthy adversary. He squared his shoulders a bit which was not lost on Sasha.

"You were a powerful threat Sev. You were more talented and far more intelligent. You stood in his way. He'd stop at nothing to annihilate you. Then he could have Lily to himself without your interference. He pushed your buttons and she walked away from you. It worked like a charm didn't it?" She feared his reaction to this crack on Lily but really she had nothing to lose. She just had to get that shot in about Lily. Sirius always said she was a poor sport who loved to run up the score. It was true.

He was angry. She could hear it in his voice. "And you think this excuses him?"

"Not at all, but I can't fault his motivation. You see if I thought I could have done all those things to Lily and made you leave her and love me, I would have done it in a New York minute."

He smirked at her. "Just like your Marauder buddies then. So why didn't you test your theory?"

"Oh I'm no saint. I took a few shots over the years. Nothing like what Prongs did. But I knew you. You would never walk away from someone who needs you or someone you care about. And all these years later, seeing how you look after Harry, even though he's the spitting image of the man you hated, well it seems I was right."

He lay back on the bed and covered his face. She overwhelmed him as usual. She had a way of putting things so they made perfect sense to him. He knew the desperate feeling she described very well.

He sighed heavily. "You're the only person who understands me. I don't deserve your friendship after the way I've jerked you around but I need it. Thanks for sticking by me. Again."

"I'll always stick by you Severus." It was true, but she felt like she would get sucker punched any second. "You should go though. It's late."

"Oh uhm alright." He stood to go a little surprised at being asked to leave. "When will I see you again?"

"I think I'd better let that be your decision. It seems I always make the wrong one."

Severus walked out into the early spring air. She took him back yet again as he thought but it was different this time. He'd finally gone too far and she wasn't the same. Where always before she would embrace him with loving exuberance and abandon, now there was a reserve, cautiousness a resignation. She no longer trusted him.


	44. Chapter 43 Cold Front

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

Cold Front

Severus returned to Number Twelve Grimmauld Place about once a week through May for various Order related reasons. His true purpose was to see Sasha. She was more distant than before. He knew it was his own doing. Sirius was always lurking about like some kind of watchdog. It was harder to get her alone with him pacing around. His time with her wasn't as satisfying as it used to be. There was so much he needed to talk about, Umbridge, Harry's Dark Arts groups, her weasel of a nephew Draco joining the inquisitor squad. However between her guard dingo and her newfound coolness he no longer felt at liberty to do so. She was always the perfect hostess but the warmth was lacking. She reminded him of Lucius. You never knew what was going on behind the carefully crafted mask.

One day when Sirius was finally out of the room, he asked her. "Sasha is everything alright?"

"Yes." He allowed a pause but she made no further comment.

"I mean with us. You seem a little distant."

"Do I?" She said coolly never betraying any emotion.

"Yes, are you sure something isn't bothering you?" He pushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Don't." She said flatly as she pushed his hand away. "You're making this too hard for me."

"Making what too hard for you?"

"Falling out of love with you." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

He felt like something hit him in the chest. He had no right to feel this way. It's what he thought he wanted. Still it made him sad. Perhaps he didn't really want her love to end. "Sasha, I wish things were different."

She snorted at that and rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "Ha! That's what I used to say to Igor. 'I wish I loved you dahling but I'm in love with someone who can barely stand me.'" She tried to sound flip but her emotions were palpable below the surface.

"Barely stand you?" The hurt was evident in his voice. _Is that what she thinks of me_? "That's not quite fair."

"Talk about fair, well I guess this all serves me right after poor Igor." She sighed. "I don't mean to be distant it's just, well, I don't know how long our truce will last and so I'm trying not to get too close to you again. It's a foolish and hopeless dream. I know that now. It's about time I gave you up."

Her choice of words "hopeless" and "give up" stung him. Perhaps there was a part of him that didn't want it to be hopeless. Perhaps the most selfish part of him wanted her waiting in the wings in the event he was ever able to forget Lily. Now he really felt like a rat. He shut his eyes and rubbed his temples with one hand. He was grateful she couldn't read his thoughts.

"Don't concern yourself Severus. These are my issues not yours. I shouldn't lay them all at your feet like this. I'm sorry." She poured some tea and handed it to him. "Tell me what's Umbridge up to these days."

Only Sasha would apologize for loving someone. She had more issues than he did. Perhaps they could be a good match if things were different. They were both half crazy. They made safe small talk for another half hour until Sirius entered the room. He didn't speak to Severus but picked up a book and read silently in the corner. Severus knew he came merely to police their contact and he decided this was a good time to go. Sasha always used to walk him to the door but now she no longer did.

Sirius remained in the room watching Sasha and waiting to hear her vent as she usually did to him. She was silent for a long time. Finally he asked. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"How are things between you two?"

"It's really hard to try to stop loving someone."

"Why stop?"

"What do you mean why stop? You hate him."

"But you don't. Why stop?"

"Because it's hopeless and he makes me miserable." She leaned back and sighed.

"And you feel better now?"

"Much worse actually."

Sirius watched her as she lay back on the couch and shut her eyes for a nap. She was always putting herself last when it came to Severus. It had always been that way. He remembered an incident when they were in school. It was their sixth year, right before Christmas.

The two of them sat in the Gryffindor common room with a few other students. It was quiet as most were studying for exams. Sasha was exhausted from a long afternoon of flying with Regulus and still wore his Slytherin scarf that he gave her to keep warm. She was trying hard to squeeze in more study time and make sure her potions grade was solid. She was worried that if it didn't keep improving, her father wouldn't allow Severus to tutor her any more. Sirius thought this was an interesting tightrope to walk, too bad a grade or too good of a grade meant no more tutoring from Severus.

Lily entered the room with her books and sat across the table from them. Sirius noticed she caught sight of Sasha's scarf and then her eyes fixed on the potions book she was reading which belonged to Severus. He watched her staring at the scarf for some time and became amused that she probably thought it belonged to Snape. "Spending a lot of time with Severus these days aren't' you Sasha?"

Sasha didn't take her eyes off the book. "Exams are coming up. We're studying. I can't pass without him."

Lily was undeterred. "Seems like it's more than potions that have you hanging out with him. Probably just another feeble attempt to make me jealous."

Sasha kept her nose in the book but Sirius could practically see the steam coming from her ears. He wondered if Lily's ego was getting as big as James'. Sasha used the same tone Sev might have used in her response. "Would that be possible to do if it were true?"

"No." She huffed.

"Then why would you care if he were trying?"

Sirius snickered and then coughed to cover it up. _Ouch, good one Sash._

"I just don't want you to get hurt Sasha. He's bad news." Lily tried to recover.

"He's just a friend Lil, and even if he weren't it's none of _your_ business. You washed your hands of him years ago." She kept here eyes in the book and sounded disinterested but Sirius guessed her heart was probably racing. Then he caught the slightest hint of a wicked smile. "Besides, he's shagging Paulette Parkinson." His jaw dropped in disbelief. It was a flat out lie that he knew she just made up on the spot, brilliant!

"What!" That got Lily's attention.

"Oh, yes. They've been hooking up for about a month now. Didn't you know?"

"I don't believe you."

"Fine, don't believe me." Sasha shrugged and went back to her book.

"Who told you that?"

"Regs. He and Sev have gotten to be good friends but I guess you wouldn't know that since you don't condescend to speak to him."

Lily leaned in close over the table and whispered, "Is he in love with her?"

Sasha finally met her eyes. "No idea." She sounded so much like Snape it was creepy. "You should ask him yourself."

"What do I care?" She leaned back in her chair and opened a book.

"Sure sounds like you do. You know he'd drop her in a heartbeat for you."

"Ugh."

"You know I'm right. Just go talk to him Lily. He misses you." Sasha's voice cracked.

"I don't want anything to do with him." They heard the door open and James entered the common room.

"Here comes James. Perhaps we should ask him if he's heard about Sev and Paulette."

Lily stood up quickly and greeted James with a kiss and walked him upstairs. Sasha went back to her books and tried to focus. Sirius snickered again. She looked up to find him eyeing her in amusement.

"What?" She said making a face at him.

"You should have been sorted into Slytherin." He remarked with a smirk.

"Very funny. Actually that would have been brilliant. Then I wouldn't have to put up with you."

"Won't Snivellus be mad if he finds out you interfered?"

"No, and don't call him that. If she cares about him she'll go after him to keep him from Paulette or worse yet me and he'll be thrilled. If she doesn't, and I suspect that she doesn't, she'll shut up and hang on to James and Sev is no worse the wear."

"And what about you?"

"What about me?"

"What's in it for you? A Slytherin always acts out of self-interest."

"Well if she goes to him then he's happy. Which makes me happy. Jealous as hell and lonely but happy for him. If she doesn't, well at least I can enjoy fucking with her head."

He laughed at her logic. "I thought you two were friends."

"The best of, but she breaks his heart. It's hard to watch."

"And blaming the rumor on poor Regs. Tisk Tisk."

"Oh poo! She's too scared of him to ask anyway. It's a completely brilliant plan." She grinned and stuck her nose back in the book.

Sirius looked at the girl now so many years later and thought how little had changed for her.

_AN: Sorry Sev, Sev. She's sick of your crap. Time to get your act together Mister._


	45. Chapter 44 Sirius Trouble

CHAPTER FORTY FOUR

Sirius Trouble

The next two weeks went by slowly for Severus. He was tediously preparing students for their OWLs and NEWTs and working with some of the poorer students to get them up to speed, which he had no patience for. On the day of the testing he stayed in his room avoiding Umbridge as she presided over the exams. He heard a commotion outside and looked out his window just in time to see George and Fred's grand departure from Hogwarts. _Good for them._ He thought. Normally he couldn't abide such conduct but he was behind anyone who would stick it to Umbridge. Hogwarts was even more of a prison with her here and Dumbledore gone.

A few hours later he was summoned to her pink palace of an office. He hated going there. All those cats on the wall gave him the creeps. She probably wanted some type of lockdown after the jailbreak. He smiled thinking of how angry she must be.

He entered her office and found an unexpected scene. She and her inquisitor squad had Harry and his friends held captive. She was demanding veretisserum thinking Harry was hiding something. Severus was furious at the sight of her bullying students. It never occurred to him that he did the same. He lied about being out and went to make a hasty retreat to notify Dumbledore, however Harry said something that stopped him in his tracks.

"He's got Padfoot. He's got Padfoot at the place where it's hidden."

Severus turned slowly as Umbridge demanded to know what he was talking about. He locked on Harry's eyes and immediately understood. _Good boy!_

"No idea." He lied when Umbridge asked his what the boy was talking about, and then he hastily exited the room.

His mind was racing in many directions as once as he tore through the castle corridors. If they had Sirius, they might have Sasha or they might have killed her to get to him. He knew he should tell Dumbledore first but he had to find Sasha above all else. What if she were hurt? He ran back to his room and into the floo straight to Grimmauld Place

There was no one in the living room and he felt the panic rise. He looked towards the doorway as she appeared. He'd never seen anything so wonderful as the very sight of her. "Severus, what a pleasant surprise." He was grateful just to see her smile again.

He ran to her and wrapped his arms around her spinning her around and holding her tightly. "Sasha, oh Sasha, you're safe." He didn't know what this joy was from, love, lust, friendship, or something else. He only knew he was never going to let her go again. "I was so afraid they'd gotten to you. I'm so glad you're safe."

"Afraid who'd gotten to me? What are you talking about?"

He started to refocus on what he had to do next. "Where's Sirius?"

"Right here. What's all this about?" Sirius appeared in the doorway with Arthur.

"The Dark Lord. If you're safe, then he's gotten into Harry's mind. He's planted a vision that you're being held in the Department of Mysteries. He's trying to lure Harry in to retrieve the prophecy."

"I knew this would happen." Sirius barked. "Where's Harry?"

"Umbridge has got him. She's not letting him go anywhere."

"He'll find a way to outsmart her if I know him. You've got to get back there to stop him. Keep him at the castle. Arthur, you alert Dumbledore. I'll round up the Order Members and we'll give Voldemort the surprise of his life in the Dept of Mysteries."

"I'll go with you." Sasha was ready to fight.

"No!" Sirius and Severus were in unison. "Absolutely not Sasha! Lucius could be there."

She narrowed her eyes. "To hell with him. I can best him any day."

Severus tried a more diplomatic approach. "Sasha, Harry doesn't fully trust me. He won't believe me if I tell him the Dark Lord doesn't have Sirius. He'll think I'm working for the other side. He trusts you. I may need your help at Hogwarts. Come with me."

"Alright." She nodded

He took her hand to pull her back to the floo but she pulled away. "Sirius," she crossed the room to hug him. "I love you. Promise you'll be careful."

"I'll be fine Sash. Love you." He hugged her back and then Severus pulled her into the floo.

When they returned to Hogwarts they found that Harry and his friends had escaped and most of the inquisitor squad was under one or another short-term hex that would have put them out of commission long enough for the others to escape. Her nephew is particularly affected. He is delirious and babbling about one of the girls in Slytherin House, obviously some kind of love potion.

"What should we do about Harry and his friends?"

"I'm sure they are already at the Department of Mysteries by now. Don't worry, Sirius and the aurors will look out for them." He was interrupted by Draco who was walking dreamily around the room, and looking like he'd had too much butterbeer.

"He's your family Sasha. I think you should have the privilege of taking him to the infirmary. I'll tend to the rest of them."

"Great, thanks." She sighed far more worried about Harry and his friends than this band of baboons. "Come on Draco. Let's take a little walk."

"You so nice Aunt Sasha." He put an arm around her. "I bet you were hot when you were younger." He giggled and reminded her of Lucius when he drank too much.

Sasha looked dryly over at Severus who had closed his eyes and was stifling a grin.

"Quite the charmer aren't you? You're going to owe me for this one Professor Snape. Come on Draco, Pansy's waiting for you." He gave her no trouble after that and she was able to put him in the capable hands of the infirmary staff.

She sat with Draco while he underwent a bit of treatment and she was sure he would be okay and then left to find Severus again. She was almost to the Great Hall when Dumbledore, Severus and Lupin carrying a very limp and unconscious Harry came walking towards her.

"Oh no! Is he all right? What happened?" She looked to them for an answer. Dumbledore seemed not to hear her and she could swear Lupin purposely looked away from her as he passed.

Severus took her arm. "Sasha I need to speak to you in my quarters."

"What is it?'

"Just come with me."

She obeyed and didn't speak again until she was inside his room. "What is it Sev?" He looked at her intently and swallowed. "Severus?"

"Sasha, it's your family." He stopped and appeared unsure of himself. He hated to be the one who had to tell her but Dumbledore decided she would take it better coming from him.

"Well what is it? You're scaring me."

"Lucius, he was in charge of the mission and it didn't go well for his side. He was sent to persuade Harry to retrieve the prophecy, which he did. But then the aurors came and the fighting started. He fell during the scuffle and the prophecy shattered. The Dark Lord won't tolerate failure from anyone. It's not good for him."

"Oh!" She drew breath and covered her mouth. "Where is he now?"

"He was captured by the aurors. There will be a trial but I'm afraid he's surely bound for Azkaban for a very long time."

"Oh Lucius." She sat down on the couch and held her head in her hands. "Azkaban, damnit! I always knew this would happen. I'm glad mother isn't' alive to see this." She sniffed but pulled herself together. "I'll go sit with Draco until Cissy is notified and arrives. Oh my poor family."

"Sasha."

"No, I'm fine Sev. I've sort of prepared myself for this moment. I'll be okay."

Severus remained unmoved and stoic. "Sasha that's not all."

"Was he injured too?"

"No." He paused, not sure how to go on. "When Sirius and the aurors arrived they were pretty evenly matched. Sirius and Harry were fighting Lucius and another Death Eater. They defeated the other man and had disarmed and disabled Lucius. Then Bellatirx appeared and…" he paused and wished desperately that he didn't have to tell her.

"and what?"

"She killed him. She killed Sirius."

"No, that can't be right. Sirius would never let her get the best of him. He was far better than that. You're wrong."

"No Sasha. She surprised him. I'm not wrong. Lupin was right there he saw everything. You can ask him if you don't believe me.

She backed up two steps and began to shake her head violently. "No, I don't believe you. Not Sirius." She was shrieking, losing control. "Severus tell me this isn't true. Please." She lost her voice as tears overcame her and her throat became so tight it closed. She felt her legs start to go out from under her but he caught her before she went down and held her tightly.

"I've got you. I'm so sorry Sasha. I know you loved him best out of all your relatives."

"Sev, I'm so scared. Oh this just can't be happening. Not Sirius. No." She was sounding more and more hysterical. She was gasping for breath and her face was contorted in anguish.

"I've got you. It's okay. You're safe." He lifted her and carried her to his bed and gently set her down. The he lay down beside her and just held her until her sobs subsided. She was so fragile. Finally her tears stopped but she lay there with her eyes closed.

"I won't let anything happen to you Sasha." He whispered not sure if she was still awake.

"I'm not worried about me. I'm worried about you. I can't lose you. Everyone I care about is dead or about to be. I can't lose you too." Then her eyes flew open. "Let's run. We can leave. No one will find us." Her eyes were wild as she looked at him like a terrified child.

"Shhh." He held her against his chest and stroked her hair. "You're not thinking clearly. I can't run. No one leaves the service of the Dark Lord, no one. You know that all too well. We can't go back, only forward."

"I can't do it. Regs and Sirius are gone. Who knows what will happen to poor Lucius. He'd be better off dead. I can't just watch it happen. I can't let them have you too."

"Listen to me." He held her face in his hands. "You can't do anything to bring back Regulus or Sirius. You can't run or hide. If you loved them, you must honor them by fighting for what you believe in. Sirius was Harry's godfather. You have to watch over him now. It's what he would want. You may think I know nothing of love, but I know that much."

She leaned her head on his chest and the sound of his heartbeat calmed her. "You're right. I don't know where to go from here though. I can't believe he's really gone. I just got him back."

"We go forward together." He got up and crossed the room to his work area. He took a bottle off the shelf and brought it back to her. "Here drink this it will help you sleep."

"I don't want to sleep." She sat up. I have to do something.

"You're not in your right mind Sasha. Go to sleep. Tomorrow you can think clearly and we'll devise a plan."

"No. Thank you but my place is with Cissy and Draco now."

"Alright don't leave the castle though. It's no longer a secret that the Dark Lord has returned and there's no telling what his next move will be."

"Okay." She stepped to the mirror and tried to wipe her eyes and tidy up her hair. "Thank you for being the one to tell me all of this." She said without looking at him as she walked out the door.

Seeing her completely break down had disturbed him. He'd seen so much of himself in her. It reminded him of the terrible night that Lily died. He felt it all over again, the depression, futility, guilt, frustration and complete anguish. He was angry and more determined than ever to bring down the Dark Lord.

He marched up to Dumbledore's office to talk about what happened and plan their next move.

"Are you still planning on trying to recruit Slughorn to teach potions and moving me to Dark Arts?" Severus asked. He had his own plans.

"Yes, if he will agree to it. I want him here so we can delve into his memory further. I think Harry will be best suited to that task."

"The students have fallen behind in their Defense Against the Dark Arts training after a year with Umbridge. I'll need someone to tutor the younger ones while I teach advanced techniques. I want Sasha to help me and I want you to let her stay here all summer so I'll know she's safe."

Dumbledore made no expression but he was intrigued. "That's highly irregular Severus."

"You need me Headmaster. I've done everything you've asked and I've asked for nothing in return. It won't hurt you to grant me this. She has no place to stay that's secure and I'll need someone to help me anyway."

"Are you sure there are no other reasons for this request?"

"Aren't these reasons enough?" He snapped.

Dumbledore considered him and then said, "Alright, she can stay."


	46. Chapter 45 Dance with a Stranger

PART THREE

CHAPTER FORTY FIVE

Dance With a Stranger

_AN: As I started to write this they are talking about hurricane Igor in the Atlantic __J_

Sasha needed little convincing to stay at Hogwarts for the summer and co-teach Defense Against the Dark Arts with Severus in the fall. She would have daily contact with him now. Try as she might to forget about him, she really didn't want to. Better to see him and settle for friendship than be cut out of his life again.

Prior to leaving for the summer Severus accompanied Sasha to quickly gather her things from Grimmauld Place. It was risky to go back but she insisted so he went with her telling her it wasn't safe to go alone. It wasn't, but he had a secondary purpose. He was worried about what Sirius might have done with that ridiculous letter he intercepted. If someone else found it before he did he would be utterly humiliated or worse if it fell into the wrong hands.

They went to Regulus' old room and she began to gather her things and a few of his. She wanted to collect a few things belonging to Sirius as well. Something to remember him by. "Sasha, I'll be right back. I loaned a book to Arthur and I'd like to retrieve it."

"Sure." She sighed while standing in the room forlornly.

He quickly proceeded to the room that belonged to Sirius. He looked through the writing desk and the night table but didn't find it. He knew he wouldn't have much time so he used magic. "Accio My Letter to Sasha." He heard a rattling sound in a box on the desk before it flew at him and hit him in the chest. He tried to open it the box but to no avail. It was bewitched with some kind of locking charm. It was sure to be in the box though. Sirius would have kept that locked away from Sasha.

"Severus! Do you want this Slytherin crest? It's a pretty nice one." She called from down the hall.

"Uh, just a minute." He cast a reducto charm on the box and pocketed it.

They spent about an hour packing up. Not much time at all for the amount of things she decided to take with her. "You're a very efficient packer Sasha."

"I never stay in one place for long. I'm a bit of a nomad I guess." He envied her, traveling, having the freedom to pick up and go whenever she felt like it. Between Spinner's End and Hogwarts he felt absolutely trapped. "Reducto!" The boxes condensed neatly and she put them in her backpack. "All set."

They returned to Hogwarts and he walked back to her new quarters with her. He would be leaving within the hour to return to his dismal family home and he was dreading it. This room was different from the one she had two years ago. This room was larger with a big fireplace that reminded her of the Gryffindor Common room. She would probably do a similar décor. The best feature however was that her window gave her a view into Sev's window. She could keep tabs on him. "How about a drink before you leave?" She asked.

"No thank you. I need to stay sharp."

"Bit of tea perhaps. I have your favorite Earl Grey."

"No. Thank you though." He sighed.

"What's the matter Severus? You've been quiet all day."

"Just dreading a summer with Wormtail. I don't know how you put up with him all those years. He's a vile creature."

"I feel your pain. He was such a follower, always simpering about after James, Sirius and Remus."

"Considering their temperaments I was always surprised that they tolerated him."

"Oh you know Prongs and Padfoot. They liked having disciples around. Big egos must be fed. Remus, well he was nice to everyone."

"Were you one of their disciples?"

"No dahling they were mine." She made a snobby face and laughed.

He smiled and thought it was going to be a long summer without her. He would miss this comfortable conversation with someone he trusted. He would be constantly on his guard until he returned. "Sasha, I want you to promise me you won't do anything crazy this summer."

"Crazy?" She arched her eyebrows at him.

"Yes. Don't do anything dangerous."

"Don't worry, I've had enough danger to last a lifetime. I'll be tucked safely away here reading and working on lesson plans."

"Good girl." He kissed her on the forehead but didn't notice how she closed her eyes and savored the moment. "I'll write you if I can." He turned to go.

"Sev, be careful okay?"

"I always am." He said as he walked out the door. As soon as the door was shut he started to miss her.

Sasha did exactly as she said she would for the next few weeks. She read up on defensive spells and practiced in the Dark Arts classroom. She was glad to have something to focus on again. Ever since she'd been sacked from the games committee she felt utterly useless and bored. Now here was something she could sink her teeth into again. She'd always loved coaching children and this was really no different. She just had to practice her technique and work on some lectures and written assignments. She was even going to help Madame Hooch with the young fliers again and do a little quidditch coaching on the side. As a professor she wasn't supposed to play favorites but she was anxious to plan strategy with Harry so Gryffindor could annihilate Slytherin House after last years post game debacle.

One thing that had been giving her fits was the Patronus charm. She hadn't cast it in the last year and now was having trouble. She assumed it was due to all the sadness and loss she'd recently experienced. If she couldn't cast this charm she knew she had no business teaching the class, she would have no credibility with the students. Despite her continued efforts she could only produce a misshapen silver blob which flopped out of her wand and disintegrated when it hit the floor. With each attempt she became more and more discouraged. She remembered Sev's words from so long ago. "You can do anything you want to as long as you practice Sasha."

She stood in the middle of the classroom took a deep breath and tried to rid her mind of all the horrible things. She searched for a happy memory and the first thing that came to mind was kissing Severus on New Years Eve. What a beautiful night. the way the moon reflected in his eyes, the way he smelled, the richness of his voice as he whispered her name, his lips on hers. It was her most perfect memory, one worth fighting for, one worth dying for. "Expecto Patronum!" The words crossed her lips with determination and there it was. The silver thread streamed out of her wand and whirled together taking shape. It was the same shape she'd always cast. A raven in flight. He spread his beautiful wings and flew gracefully around her and she had to hold the wand with both hands as she felt the force and power of him. There he was. She felt closer to Severus being able to cast it.

"That looks like someone I know."

Sasha jumped and lost focus for an instant and then the raven was gone. She turned to find Albus behind her. "Oh Albus you scared me."

"Missing Professor Snape while he's away?" He looked over his half moon spectacles and reminded her of a very kind grandfather.

"Oh I miss him even when he's here." She gave a half smile.

"Sasha, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you."

Her heart began to race. "Severus."

"No, no, he's fine. It's Igor Karkaroff, I'm afraid they found his body in a shack up in the north country with the dark mark over it. Lord Voldemort's followers finally got to him."

She fell back against the wall and put her head in her hands. "Oh Igor. He knew this would happen." She was devastated. Her dear friend, her Russian Prince so robust and full of life was now gone forever. The tears were flowing but she didn't have the outburst of emotion like she did when Sirius died. It was all wearing on her. She felt defeated. Sirius, Lucius, emotional beat downs from Severus, and now this. If she could have sunk into the floor and ceased to exist in that moment, she would have done it.

"The funeral is tomorrow at his family home."

"Are you going?"

"No. I'm a moving target at this point. You should go though. You two were good friends were you not?"

"We were." She said forlornly. "I'm going."

"You shouldn't go alone. Perhaps I could ask Severus to accompany you."

"No." The thought of Severus judging her and making comments about Igor at his own funeral was too much to bear. "I'm going alone."

"Very well." He patted her on the shoulder. "Be safe my dear." And he left her alone with her sorrows.

She thought she wouldn't sleep well that night but her emotional exhaustion took over and she slept right through. In the morning, she awoke to find the sunlight streaming through her windows and experienced one of those merciful moments after a trauma when you awake and don't remember that anything bad happened the day before. Slowly it all came back to her and she had to face the fact that today she would bury her treasured friend. She went to her closet to pick out something black and appropriate for a funeral but remembered the night Igor told her black made her look like a librarian. She laughed at the memory and chose the white robes he loved with the boots that drove him crazy. As she left the castle to apparate, it was a beautiful day and she wished his home was close enough to fly.

She arrived just outside his family home and was surprised at how beautiful it was. It was situated on a large country estate with rolling hills and stone fences. The home was huge with an exterior of dark gray stone. It was punctuated with four tall steeple like towers on four corners with an even taller dome in the center. It was imposing and impressive.

Sasha knocked on the large ornately carved door and was stunned when a man so similar to Igor answered. He was a few inches shorter than Igor and leaner. His black hair was cut short and was neater and glossier than Igor's. His features were very similar, high cheekbones, perfect Roman nose, large brown eyes and full lips that you couldn't help but want to kiss. His wore about a day's worth of stubble that also looked perfectly handsome on him. There was an easy grace about him as he leaned against the door. She was rather stunned at how good-looking he was and for a moment said nothing.

He brazenly eyed her up and down and then gave a seductive smile. She noticed he had the same wolf like qualities as Igor as well. He may have been a little better looking than Igor, she couldn't decide.

"You must be Sasha Malfoy." He said in a throaty voice with a heavy accent.

"Yes, I'm Sasha."

"I'm Ivan Karkaroff, Igor's younger brother." He wore the red robes of a Drumstrang alum and his black boots were polished to a gleaming shine.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Karkaroff. I'm terribly sorry for your family's loss." She was grateful for her mother's relentless etiquette training, which afforded her automatic responses in uncomfortable situations.

Anything but grief crossed his expression. "I knew you would come today." He continued to size her up from head to toe and Sasha had a disturbing feeling he was thinking about what she looked like under her robes. She felt a blush creeping up her neck and started to wish she'd dressed like a librarian.

"Where is he?"

"Follow me." She followed him through opulent corridors with colored marble designs. It wasn't as large as Malfoy Manor but it was beautiful, exotic and had loads of character, much like Igor. The richness of it all struck her as funny. She always called him her Russian Prince but he didn't discuss his financial situation. She had no idea that he was wealthy, not that this would have swayed her emotions.

His body was laid out in an ebony casket in a great room where there were many people already assembled. Most were tall and dark haired with olive skin. She felt conspicuous as they all turned to gawk at the glaringly obvious outsider. She lifted her chin and walked behind Ivan like she owned the place. Being a Malfoy came with training that prepared her for situations such as this. No one was going to intimidate her at least not in this setting.

Her steely nerves quickly dissolved however as she neared his body. He was laid out in white cashmere robes like the ones he wore to the Yule ball. She was overwhelmed with a need to stroke his hair.

Ivan put his hand on her shoulder and leaned closer. "Would you like a moment with him?"

"Yes." She replied softly. He took her arm and guided her through the crowd when they reached the coffin she leaned in close to his face. "Oh Igor, I'm so sorry." She kissed his cold forehead and sobbed as she whispered into his ear. "You know I always did adore you. I've missed you so much." She stroked his hair and half expected him to open his eyes and pull her into the coffin while laughing about how he fooled everyone. It would be just like him to play a sick joke. "Sirius is dead too. I hope you're together." She sniffed and laughed a little. "Of course you two hated each other so perhaps that's not a good thing. When I hear thunder I'll know it's the two of you fighting. Are you with Regs now? I hope you're together. I know you missed him. Tell him I still miss him."

She continued to rain tears on his face and smooth his hair. "Oh, someone has brushed your hair. It looks so beautiful." She sniffed. "Remember the night I brushed your hair on the boat. The night we danced on the deck and that beautiful kiss." Her voice was shaking. "I'm so sorry Igor. I never wanted to hurt you my Russian Prince. My Orion."

"Sasha, it's time to start the funeral." Ivan put his hands gently on her shoulders. "Sit with our family. He would have wanted you to sit with us." He seemed to put great thought and effort into what he was saying. She suspected his English was still a work in progress.

She obeyed silently as tears continued to roll down her cheeks. She felt many dark eyes on her. _They must think I'm crazy having this long conversation with a corpse. _

She sat behind a stout woman whose hair was pulled back in a very severe knot. The woman turned around and glared at her for a moment and then faced forward while whispering to a woman about Sasha's age beside her. The other woman glanced back quickly.

"Our mother and sister Nadia." Ivan whispered in her ear. He sounded like Igor as well. "Ignore them. They're not themselves today."

As the funeral dragged on Sasha wasn't listening. She was remembering all the fun she used to have with Igor and occasionally smiled to herself at something he did or said. Ivan wasn't listening either. He was fixating on Sasha and edging as close as he dared to her.

The funeral ended and many people came to Ivan and the rest of the family to pay their respects. Sasha felt awkward at not knowing anyone and backed away.

"Professor Malfoy!" A familiar voice called to her and she turned to see Viktor Krum looking as handsome as ever in his red school uniform with his hair growing out a bit these days. He hugged her heartily. "I'm so sorry about Headmaster Karkaroff. We've missed him this last year."

"Oh Viktor I have too." She sighed happy to see a familiar and friendly face.

"How is Hermione? I haven't heard from her in weeks."

"The last I heard she was doing quite well. Busy summer with the parents you know."

"Hmmm." He didn't look like he believed her.

"Sasha," Ivan came up behind her and put his hand on her waist. She thought he was presuming too much familiarity but he was so likable that she allowed it. "I insist that you and Viktor stay for the feast."

"There's a feast?" She suddenly decided she was starving. She couldn't remember the last time she had a really decent meal.

"Yes, and a big party." He smiled at her with perfect teeth. Yes he was far more handsome than Igor. He was more polished.

"I don't feel much like a party." She frowned.

"Stay. It's a family tradition. Igor wouldn't want you to be sad. He knew life went on and would want us to celebrate it."

"I'm sure you're right about that. Alright then."

'Potrjasnyy!" He smiled.

Sasha looked at Igor and raised an eyebrow. "Excellent!" He translated although his accent was thick too.

Ivan looked a little embarrassed. "My English. It's not good. I try though."

"Oh I'm sure we'll do fine. Maybe you can teach me some new Russian words."

He lead she and Viktor over to the very long table and she was nervous when she realized she was right across from his mother who was still scowling at her.

"Mama, this is Sasha Malfoy, Igor's girlfriend." Sasha did a double take. _Girlfriend? What the hell had Igor been telling them?_

I'm so sorry for your loss Mrs. Karkaroff. Igor looked lovely and the service was beautiful. I'm sure he would be pleased." The woman looked at her and then back to Ivan.

"She doesn't speak English." He explained and then translated for Sasha. His mother responded in her native tongue. "She said you're pretty but too skinny. And she's glad you came." The two women smiled at each other. Mrs. Karkaroff had the same merry eyes as Igor.

Dinner was a rowdy affair with a dazzling array of Russian food that Sasha consumed a ton of. It was fun to be with his family and countrymen. They were boisterous and laughed loud and heartily. Everyone was drinking some special family vodka and getting louder as the evening went on. She was glad to be a part of it. She was so tired of grieving and quiet and sadness. Igor would have loved this raucous affair and she felt closer to him by being here.

She was surrounded by a bewildering amount of new scenery and people and was taking it all in. She didn't notice however, Ivan looking at her all evening. He never took his eyes off her, nor did he leave her side. He watched her noticing everything about her.

When dinner ended he leaned over and whispered into her ear. "Would you like to see Igor's room?" She was sure it was a kind invitation but when he whispered in her ear it felt more like a proposition.

"Sure." He took her by the hand and led her through the crowd. It did not go unnoticed by Sasha that when they were out of the crowd and going up the stairs, he didn't let go of her hand. _Oh he is most certainly Igor's brother, shameless. _

"What do you think of our home? Is it as big as Malfoy Manor?" Just like Igor, everything was a competition.

"No but it's beautiful. I love the stonework outside. You know Igor never told me his family was so wealthy."

"Would you have married him if he had?"

"No." She smirked. He had a lot of nerve. She liked that about him.

"You have…." He gestured with his free hand looking for a word. "babki….ahhh rich." He gestured as if to ask if he was right.

"That's right." She said, more than a little annoyed that he would assume such a thing about her. He led her in to a bedroom with a huge bay window overlooking a large pond with a thick forest behind it. She admired the view.

"This is beautiful. Why would he ever leave?"

Ivan made no response but sat down on the very large four poster bed and leaned back on his elbows appraising her from behind

"This room is stunning." There was dark cherry wood with bookshelves along the walls. It had a rustic stone fireplace with a large dark green chair beside it. Leaning against the hearth were his hunting rifles and she walked over to touch them. Orion, her hunter would never shoot them again. She began to tear up as she thought of him so full of life and now he was gone forever. She walked to his bookshelves and looked at what he had read, all the thoughts and concepts that might have crossed his mind. She sat down on the side of his bed near his nightstand and observed a picture on his nightstand.

It was a picture of the two of them, forth year at the Yule Ball. They were so young, and he was so handsome in his red robes with fur. They looked happy, but she remembered how she'd hidden her misery from him that night when she really wanted to be with Severus. Poor Igor, he'd kept this picture all these years never knowing it was an illusion. She felt her tears welling up.

"How did he die Ivan? Was it quick?"

"No." He said softly while facing the other direction. "They tortured him."

"How awful. My Orion. For how long."

"We think several hours. We were told he was out of his mind before they ended it. Mumbling about a vain queen brushing his hair."

"No!" She finally crumbled putting her head in her hands while her body was racked with sobs.

"I'm sorry Sasha. I shouldn't have told you that. I didn't want to upset you."

"No, he liked me to brush his hair. I can't believe he's gone." She shook with her head in her hands. He sat next to her and put his arms around her. She noticed how good he smelled, like he took good care of himself. Like he cared and made an effort. He pulled away and took out a handkerchief and began to dry her eyes. She was struck by such a kind and intimate gesture. "I'm sorry Ivan. I feel like all I've done is cry for the last two years. I never used to be like this honestly. I used to be much tougher. I'm so sick of crying. It makes me feel weak."

A glint came into his eyes, one she had seen many times in his brother. "What do you think Igor would say if he saw me with my arms around his woman, and in his own bed no less?" She laughed a bit through tears. "Bali otsjuda Igor! She's all mine now!" He looked up and pretended to yell at Igor. She laughed a little more while tears continued to stream.

"Did you just tell him to fuck off?" She giggled.

"I didn't think you spoke Russian!" He said with surprise. "Pardon my language."

"Igor taught me how to swear on the quidditch pitch without getting caught."

He stood up and pulled her up. "Do you know the best way to get over an old lover?"

"He wasn't my lover but no, how?

"Dance with a handsome stranger."

This was the familiar banter she had with Igor. "Alright I'll go find one." She made a move to leave but he jerked her back into his arms.  
"I meant me." He pretended to be insulted. One hand was around her waist and he was holding her too close. _Merlin this must be standard operating procedure for the Karkaroff men_.

"The dancing is going to start."

"You dance at funerals?"

"Always. What do the English do jump in the grave with the corpse?"

"No but sometimes I think we might as well." She was so tired of being sad and crying all the time. Severus, Sirius and now Igor, the thought of any of them made her miserable. She was tired of being rejected, of being jerked around, of being alone. Tonight she was going to dance with a handsome stranger and try to forget.

"Davay otorvemsja!" He pulled her out of the room and noticed her looking at him strangely again. "Oh ahhhh..let's party."

"You're my kind of man Ivan." She said flirtatiously.

"You're damn right I am." He smirked and pulled her towards the party.


	47. Chapter 46 Reversal of Fortune

CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

Reversal of Fortune

They danced together for hours. Russian folk dancing fueled with loads of vodka. Ivan was graceful and charming and she was quite taken with him. He was attentive and far more refined than Igor, and more even-tempered than Severus. Perhaps it was really time to forget Severus and get on with her life. _This is what life should be like_ she thought. She was enjoying Ivan's company so much she didn't realize the time until she heard the clock chime midnight. "Oh goodness Ivan, I'd better get back to Hogwarts." She was still dancing in his arms and he made no move to release her.

He stopped dancing and looked at her with very intense brown eyes. "Stay here with me tonight. I'll escort you back in the morning."

She eyed him suspiciously with a wry smile. "I don't think so Ivan." She shook her head slowly. "Why don't you walk me out? He didn't look like he wanted to, but he did walk her out to the front walk without an argument. He kept one hand possessively on her back a little lower than he should have.

"I'm glad you came Sasha. I've always wanted to meet you. Igor's told me all about you."

"Don't believe a word of it." She teased.

He laughed warmly, "It was all good things. I didn't believe him, but I do now." He turned to face her and she was struck by how the moon shone in his hair. He leaned in close and put his arm around her waist. _Merlin! Is he going to kiss me?_ She pushed him back softly while turning her head.

"This is inappropriate Ivan."

"Why? You like me. My brother is dead." He moved in again but she pushed him again.

"And barely cold, stop it! For one thing I'm way to old for you. What are you? Twenty-five?"

"Twenty six." He squared his jaw and she thought he looked like a little boy, proud of each year. She almost expected him to add "and a half". "How old are you?"

"Oh now that's bad manners to ask a lady her age. Let's see my birthday is September 28th, hmm, let's just say I'm not twenty six." _Ten years difference, oh he is a naughty boy_.

"I don't care about that. I think you're beautiful. I want to see more of you." He whispered in her ear and nuzzled her hair. I've got business to settle here but then I'm coming to Hogwarts to see you."

She turned to give herself space to apparate. "You know I didn't invite you."

"Do you think that will stop me?"

_Oh he is trouble, but the best kind of trouble. _

Severus sat in his dismal study reading the evening addition of the daily Prophet by the fire, as was his custom every evening prior to dinner. The Malfoy family was on the front page, Lucius, sitting in court with Narcissa and Draco in the background. The picture was from the start of the trial that took place that same day. He didn't see Sasha in the crowd and was pleased that she listened to him. To be seen in that company was unwise at the moment. He didn't want her to be a blip on Voldemort's radar.

Rita Skeeter was covering the trial and he normally found her drabble too gossipy and annoying to read. He was about to toss the paper on the fire when a name on the page jumped out at him.

"Conspicuously absent from her brother's trial this morning was his sister Sasha Malfoy. You may recall she was sacked from the Games Committee in disgrace after her negligence caused the death of the popular Tri-Wizard Champion Cedric Diggory. She was seen today in the Russian countryside at the funeral of her on again off again lover Igor Karkaroff the former hottie Headmaster of Drumstrang. Who will she entangle herself with next?"

Severus was livid. How could she? She promised not to do anything careless and he not gone two weeks before she's globetrotting around to the funeral of her former lover. What was she thinking? He immediately decided to pay a visit to Hogwarts and talk some sense into her. This kind of thing could get her killed. Just like Sirius, all emotion and never any sense.

Sasha entered her room completely exhausted. Her spirits were high for the first time in months. She giggled to herself for flirting with Igor's much younger brother, which made her feel naughty. It made her think of an old song. "We'd like to know a little bit about you for our files. We'd like to help you learn to help yourself." She sang merrily as she threw her hat and coat on the chair and walked across room. When the door slammed behind her she nearly jumped out of her skin.

"It's about bloody time." Severus bellowed and glared daggers at her.

"Oh Sev, you scared me." She jumped and put her hand over her heart. "What are you doing here?"

"I scared you? Do you have any idea how worried I've been?" He circled her like an angry animal.

Sasha stared at him in confusion. "No" she said blankly.

"Of course not. _Severus has no heart, no reason to let him know what I'm doing._ What were you thinking? It's dangerous in his country without a war. I would have gone with you if you had asked me. At least with me you would be safe."

"I know you would. I just felt like I needed to go alone."

"Humph." He rolled his eyes. "How touching."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Saying goodbye to an old flame."

"It's not what you think."

"It's exactly what I think. Did you wear a red dress too?"

"I wore this."

He eyed her up and down. "Bit over the top for a funeral don't you think?"

"Look Severus, it's late and I'm not in the mood for this. I'm fine. Now you know it, just go."

"Just go? Dismissed am I?" His lip curled and his voice was losing emotion.

"Ugh, yes and take your attitude with you." She flopped down in a chair and began to remove her boots.

"Why didn't you tell me you were going?" He demanded.

"Because it's none of your business Severus!" She slammed her boot down on the floor and glared right back at him this time.

He was taken aback. She'd never pushed him out of her life like this before. She was always an open book for him to look at. Tonight, the book was closed.

He clenched his jaw and made a quiet attempt to recover what was left of his dignity. Softly he answered. "No, I suppose it isn't."

Her posture relaxed. "Severus, I just needed to say goodbye to him alone. Can you understand that?" She walked over to the window away from him.

He thought of Lily when he spoke again. "I understand." She was looking out the window with her arms crossed. Perhaps she was searching for Orion. "And I worry about you because you're my dearest friend. Can you understand that?" She nodded still with her back to him.

She continued to look out the window at nothing until she heard the door latch behind him. She began to wonder if she should have stayed in Russia with Ivan.


	48. Chapter 47 Making the Cut

CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

Making the Cut

The term started uneventfully and Sasha and Severus settled back into their rhythm of two years ago; teaching together and seeing each other socially on rare occasion. When they were together, she was either intently watching him work or listening to him rant. Their relationship as always was exceedingly one sided and it was wearing on her. Still she hated being away from him and found excuses to work more closely together. Much like their school days she found herself playing dumb about lesson plans, curriculum or techniques just so she could ask him for help. He was quick to help but she got the feeling he was losing respect for her abilities and viewing her as inferior. She was frustrated with herself for doing something so demeaning. It was something the schoolgirls did all the time and the boys were easily taken in by the flattery. She could never understand why anyone thought daft was cool, but here she was reduced to the same pubescent tricks of the girls she was supposed to mentor. Today she was helping him inventory his personal potions stores before she was to help Harry run the Gryffindor quidditch tryouts.

Slughorn's takeover of the Potions class was sparking the territorial instincts of Severus. The staff was abuzz about Harry's newly found potions abilities and praising Slughorn's teaching for finally bringing out the best in him. Accolades for Harry had Severus positively incensed. As usual, the only person he felt truly comfortable venting to was Sasha. So here she was, sitting at his work table taking his verbal thrashing. Even though he wasn't angry with her, she felt like he was.

"Potions genius! I've never heard of anything so absurd. He's just like his intellectually retarded father. He wouldn't know polyjuice from pomegranate."

Sasha's tone was even and soothing. "Well Lily certainly had a knack for potions. I'm sure Harry's just inherited some of her talent."

"He's cheating. I know it." Severus practically hissed at her.

"How can you cheat at potions? Either you can do it or you can't. There isn't a lot of gray area. You know as far as flying and Defense Against the Dark Arts goes, he's unbeatable in his year. His other professors rave about his ability and say he's quite clever. I think you're being far too hard on him."

"There are _huge_ areas of gray, it's an art form but you could never grasp that. I'm telling you someone is helping him and I'm going to find out who."

"Perhaps he has a talented tutor like I did." She tried to sound pleasant so he didn't know how he had just offended her. She knew he didn't mean it.

He didn't hear her much less notice her tone. "And did you _hear_ Slughorn's making him part of the Slug Club? Have you ever heard of anything to ridiculous?"

"It's not ridiculous at all Sev. He's going places. He's talented and likeable."

"I can't expect you to understand academic standards." He waved his hand dismissively.

"What is that supposed to mean?"  
"Slug Club used to mean something. Acceptance was an achievement. It meant you were the best and the brightest."

"Bourgeoisie Bullshit! That's what that is." She could be supportive no longer. Her temper was beginning to flare. "It's never meant anything other than Slughorn thinking he might use you for something later in life.

"Now you sound like Karkaroff, or worse yet Sirius, he was always bitter because he didn't get in."

"Sirius Black didn't have a bitter bone in his body!" She snapped back at him, now furious that he would disparage Sirius.

He sighed in a patronizing manner. "All I'm saying is it used to mean you were better than the rest. Look at our year, Lily, Me, Gwenog Jones, Eldred Worple, Barnabas Cuffe , Tiberius McLaggen you had to be the smartest in your class. He didn't used to just let in a bunch of dumb quidditch jocks."

Sasha stood, slammed down a jar of gillyweed on the table and glared at him. "Well if you and your superiority complex will excuse me I have to go coach a bunch of dumb quidditch jocks through their dumb tryouts. That is if I'm not too dumb to find the quidditch pitch."

"Sasha I didn't mean you. You know what I mean."

"You know Severus, Everyone has different talents and abilities, be it potions, or charms or quidditch or a very kind heart. There are many valuable traits in people and they are all important. If you'd get your head out of your ass once in a while and look around you'd know that."

"What? How dare you speak to me that way." He was stunned by her outburst.

"Oh are you the only one who gets to behave like a bastard? If you're going to dish out these kinds of derogatory remarks you'd better start learning to take them yourself. Especially when you all but call someone stupid."

"I said no such thing." His denial was quick as he busied himself returning ingredients to their proper place on the shelves.

"Can't grasp potions, dumb quidditch jocks, sure sounds like it. Shall we refresh your memory and get out the pensive or is that reserved for memories of Lily Evans, goddess divine?" Her tone mocked him

He held up his hands for her to stop. She was exhausting. "I can't talk to you when you're like this." He said with an icy calm.

"Brilliant! That suits me fine!" She stormed towards the door. "And another thing, Sirius Black never gave a damn about slug club. He knew he had talent without needing some meaningless label attached to his resume."

Severus stood there dumbfounded for a moment trying to figure out what just happened. He didn't think he was out of line. Well, no more than usual. She was pulling away from him a little more each day. Perhaps a little distance wasn't a bad thing. He wanted her around but she was a distraction. He now had the additional burden of watching over Draco, bound by the unbreakable vow at that. He couldn't tell her about it and it was only a matter of time before she would start asking questions.

Merlin she was infuriating! Few people got his blood boiling the way she did. It was days like today when he wondered if his friendship with her was more trouble than it was worth. He thought about the way her eyes were flashing at him when she was angry. Her passionate anger was enthralling even if it was directed at him. He remembered the night he wrote the ridiculous letter to her about shagging her until she couldn't walk. It was done for a laugh but it was something that occupied his thoughts far too often. He recalled the night on the veranda when she had completely surrendered to his will and aroused something inside of him that had been dormant for years. Silently he cursed the ever-meddling Sirius for intercepting the letter. Had she received the letter she would have certainly obliged him sexually and it would have been mind-blowing.

He hadn't burned the letter yet and decided he should to that today. Best to get rid of that as soon as possible. He took out the box belonging to Sirius and considered what the password might be. The marauders were fond of password-protected charms but the passwords were normally predictable being narcissistic in nature. He looked at the box. It was juvenile in design and Sirius probably received it when he was very young. What would a young boy's password be? "Get out of my stuff." He waved his wand over the box. But nothing happened. He thought for a few more moments. "Get out of my stuff Regulus." The box flew open. He laughed at the simplicity, too easy.

He was relieved to find his letter on top of a stack of papers inside. He removed it and read it one last time. "I want to shag you till you can't walk. It's all I ever think about." He smirked and couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation, sending the wrong letter and then Sirius coming over. "Incendio" The letter went up in flames never to trouble him again.

There were some other papers in the box and he decided to snoop through them. The first item was a list of some sort. It had six people's names from his year and then at the end Gwenog Jones and his name with the words alternate listed. Sasha and Sirius were on the list but otherwise it was the Slug Club. Lily's name was at the top of the list and he ran his fingers over the letters. He still missed her after all these years. Slug Club meant time with Lily away from Potter and his ilk. Even after she stopped speaking to him, they would attend private dinners with Slughorn and he could look at her across the table and fantasize that she was his and they were there together. Perhaps that's why he was so argumentative with Sasha today. Slughorn's return was bringing back memories. Sasha, she always caught the brunt of it.

He pushed these thoughts out of his head and considered the list again. What could that list be? They were all from different houses. It wasn't a quidditch team, since he didn't play. It couldn't have been academic considering Sasha and Sirius were on the list. Other than potions she was an above average student but not top of the class and Sirius was hit or miss. He put it aside and next pulled out a letter addressed to Sirius, which looked like he had kept it for a long time. It was from Slughorn.

Sirius,

My good boy I was terribly disappointed to hear that you and your cousin Sasha chose not to accept my invitation. However I do understand the need to practice and train for quidditch and this is an admirable trait. I did so hope to have you both attend my little dinner party. You are both from fine families with many relations whom I've had the pleasure of befriending over the years. Still I hope your team does well although I'm sure my house will give you a good run.

Prof. Slughorn

Was this possible? Why had she never told him? No wonder she got so angry with him. Here he was proud as a peacock about some perceived achievement and he had merely been an alternate. He wouldn't have gotten in if she and Sirius hadn't refused the invitation. He was angry. Angry with himself for making such a big deal out of slug club and angry with her for knowing the truth. He could almost hear Sirius mocking him as he whipped his wand in the air. "Incindio!" He watched the list and the letter burn then slammed the box shut and shoved it to the back of a shelf.

Sasha was fuming as she walked down to the quidditch pitch. _How could I be in love with such a pompous ass? He thinks he's so much smarter and better than everyone else. _ She tried so hard to be patient and good to him and time after time he disappointed her. She remembered when Slughorn made his selections.

Sirius had come bounding into the Gryffindor common room like a floppy black puppy. "Sash we did it! We're in!" He picked her up off the couch and spun her around, exuberant.

"In what?"

"Slug club! We've got out ticket to ride baby. That will show our parents won't it!"

"Slug club, really? Us?" The shock was obvious on her face. "How do you know?"

He held up a piece of paper with a mischievous grin. "Snagged the list!" He said with pride. "Right off his desk!"

Sasha snatched it out of his hand reading the list of names. "Sev didn't make it." She sighed in disappointment.

"Nope! Neither did James. I can't wait to tell him and rub his nose in it! Ha, Ha Ha." He danced around the room.

"So if two people give up their slots, Severus would get in as the second alternate."

"I guess but who would do that?" Then he understood. "What are you getting at Sash?"

"I'm not getting at anything." She shrugged and avoided his eyes.

"Yes you are. Spill."

"Well, it's just that this slug club thing is so bourgeoisie. Why the hell does he decide who's the most outstanding? Who died and made him Minister of Magic? I'm not sure I want any part of this elitist bullshit."

"You want us to give up our spots so Sev can be with Lily." He could always see right through her.

"No!" She laughed nervously. "Not at all. It's just that with James spending so much time with her, he hardly ever wants to practice. I mean Slytherin beat us last year and he acts like he doesn't even care. With her busy with slug club, we can have James to ourselves and get some extra practice."

"Sasha you can't be serious. Give up slug club?"

"Aren't you trying to shag Tiberius McLaggen's girlfriend? If he's tied up with Slug Club and you're not, that would be an excellent opportunity to work your Sirius Black magic."

"You're diabolical." He was starting to come around.

"So you'll do it?"

"Yeah fine, whatever."

"Thanks!" She gave him a peck on the cheek. "I owe you one."

"I'll put it on your tab." He smirked.

She and Sirius and James practiced a lot that year. They had a smashing good time and beat Slytherin House running up the score for good measure. Sadly it didn't improve Sev and Lily's relationship but he was very proud to be part of the sort of "in crowd" and she was happy for him. He deserved some recognition. Now thinking back, it just seemed like a waste and she kicked herself for getting Sirius to drop out too. It might have been good for him. She was glad to be working with tryouts today. This was her specialty. She felt confident here and she could forget all the other drama in her life. The pitch was her turf.


	49. Chapter 48 Getting to Know You

CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT

Getting to Know You

Sasha awoke the morning of her birthday and pulled the covers over her head. Another year had passed and she felt she still had no direction for her life. Her life was slipping away while she chased an impossible dream. She had loved Severus Snape since they were eleven years old, but to no avail. The thought of twenty plus more years like this was too depressing to think about. Something had to give. She forced herself to get out of bed and looked at herself in the mirror. _No wonder he's not interested,_ she thought. There were a couple lines forming around her eyes and two years in England meant she needed some sun badly. Her appearance never pleased her. She was starting to understand why some people had mid life crises, where they go buy a firebolt broom that's too fast for their ability, or have an affair. Both options sounded pretty good right now.

She stood in the hot shower while the water ran over her face and tried to pull herself together. She promised Severus she would help him in the lab today. Another long day of him ignoring her, brilliant! She got dressed in her favorite faded jeans and a long gray angora sweater that she loved the feel of, but she still felt depressed. _Ugh, I've got to go fly before I see him_. It was the only thing that cleared her head. She grabbed her firebolt and headed for the door.

When she opened it, she was flabbergasted to see Ivan Karkaroff in all his magnificence there poised to knock. It had been two months since Igor's funeral and she had almost forgotten how handsome and charismatic he was.

"Ivan?"

He gave her a toothy smile and his eyes twinkled. "Happy Birthday Sasha!"

She gave him a grateful smile. "You remembered!" She didn't think anyone would acknowledge her birthday and this fine-looking young man was just what the healer ordered.

"Of course I remembered." Merlin, his accent was sexy. "What kind of a cad would I be to forget a beautiful woman's birthday?" He walked into her room without being invited but she liked his confidence. Then he turned with a grin and handed her a box wrapped in thick white paper and tied with a blood red ribbon.

"A present? For me?" She couldn't contain her girly excitement at receiving a present from such a handsome wizard.

"Of course."

"I can't believe you got me a present!" She beamed at him.

"Really? I thought men would be tripping over themselves to give you presents."

She smiled enjoying the flattery. "Not really." She bit her lip.

"Actually Igor asked me to give this to you if something happened to him so it's really from him." He confessed.

"My Igor. That sounds like him." The thought of her old friend now gone forever put a sudden damper on her joy. She opened the box slowly to find the picture of the two of them that was on his nightstand. "Oh Ivan, I love this picture."

"It's good of both of you." He took it from her hands and put it on the table. It was as if he not to want her to dwell on it. "Now, this one is from me." He handed her a turquoise box with a white ribbon.

"Tiffany's?" She smiled with joy. He knew her well. She didn't know how though.

He merely shrugged. "Some muggles do a decent job with jewels."

She was like a little girl attacking the ribbon and quickly opening the box. Her heart was actually beating faster.

"I hope you like it." He was enjoying watching her.

"Oh Ivan!" She exclaimed while gazing upon a very expensive diamond cuff bracelet. Golden stitches adorned the border of the bracelet, which must have contained over 300 round and brilliant diamonds set in platinum. It was the most stunning piece of jewelry she had ever seen and she had seen many in her lifetime as a Malfoy. She almost heard her mother's voice telling her it was too big and she shouldn't wear such a vulgar piece, but she ignored the voice. This bracelet was to die for.

She held it up to the light. Her Malfoy instincts were kicking in and she scrutinized it for flaws. It was flawless. Perfect. He stifled a smirk finding this appraisal process amusing. Then guilt set in. She remembered her mother's manners and handed it back to him. "Ivan this is lovely but I'm afraid I can't accept it. It's far to extravagant for a proper witch to receive such a gift."

"Yes you can, and you will." He took the bracelet from her hand and opened the claps to put it on her. Disregarding her feeble attempt at good manners she let him put it on her.

"But Ivan, this must have cost a fortune."

"Bez bazaar." He replied with a cocky lopsided grin. "Don't worry about it."

She appreciated having someone to fawn over her again, especially someone who was like her, outgoing and adventurous.

"It's your birthday my fair witch and I am at your disposal." He made an elaborate bow. "What would you like to do most of all today? We can travel to someplace exotic, I can take you shopping for some more expensive toys or we can…. stay in." He gave a naughty smile and raised his eyebrows.

"Let's go flying."

"Flying?"

"It's my favorite thing in the world. Did you bring a broom?"

"Nimbus, 3000, limited racing addition." He threw it out like a challenge.

"Oh well excuse me." She teased. "Impressive Mr. Karkaroff but too bad it's not as fast as my Firebolt Z25. That's a custom model in case you didn't know."

"I am well aware of that. I guess we'll find out what's faster. Are you ready?"

"Ivan I was born ready."

"Lucky me. Poekhali!"" He smirked and grabbed her hand as he led her out to the yard.

They flew for most of the morning and Sasha was impressed with his flying prowess and that he seemed to love it as much as she did. They flew out over the hills and even low through the forbidden forest dodging trees. He led as the left the forest and flew to the outskirts of Hogsmeade before landing. She made a perfect landing behind him and admired the way his hair grazed over his eyes when it was quite windblown. "I'm starving. You?"

"I could eat something."

"Klevo. Come with me." He didn't ask her what or where she wanted to eat. She actually liked that. He just took care of it. He took her to Mme Puddifoot's which Sasha found an obvious and amusing choice. This was where all the trysting couples came rather than The Three Broomsticks. He chose and ordered the wine and asked her what she would care to eat.

"You order for me. I'm sure it will be lovely. Not too heavy though." He ordered them two bowls of minestrone and a loaf of crusty bread. _Perfect_ she thought. It was soup weather today. Then he turned his full attention on her.

"So tell me the story of your life Sasha." He leaned back in his chair and eyed her seductively.

She couldn't believe he was actually making her blush. She laughed nervously, "The story of my life? I'm afraid it's not particularly interesting. Quite unremarkable actually."

"I don't believe that. Start with your family. They are quite prominent in this area I understand."

"I guess so. My parents were wealthy. Grandfather earned his money through gambling, also some theft if rumors are true. Father was a shrewd investor and parlayed the winnings into a vast fortune. My brother Lucius, well he's more of a spender than an earner."

"And where do you come in?"

"I don't really. I'm sort of the black sheep. They're very formal, snobby, the things that are important to them don't mean much to me. Of course that's easy for someone with a fat inheritance to say."

He continued to eye her thoughtfully. "What is meaningful to you?" He said appearing to be genuinely interested in her.

Severus Snape was the most meaningful thing in her life but what a farce that was. Their relationship was too personal to talk to Ivan about and he probably didn't want to hear it anyway so she didn't mention it. "I don't' think that I know anymore. Some things I used to thing meant something, well they aren't turning out as I'd hoped."

"Such as?" He was relentless.

"Ivan, I really don't like talking about myself."

An evil grin crossed his lips. "We don't have to talk at all."

"You're incorrigible."

He threw his head back and laughed a little too loud. Heads began to turn in their direction. "That's not what I meant but I can't help it if your mind is in the gutter. Sasha merely rolled her eyes thinking it was exactly what he meant. "You are a cousin to the late Regulas Black correct?"

"That's right. Did you know him?"

"Yes. He would come home with Igor sometimes. A fine person."

"Yes he was. I still miss him. You know you remind me of him."

He smiled broadly, obviously pleased with her assessment. "Really? How so?"  
"Well your just so…."

"So what?"

"Together."

He shrugged and gave her a questioning look, not understanding her expression.

"Uhm, confident, organized, in command. I like that."

"You strike me as independent. I wouldn't think you would want someone else to be in command."

"I've been on my own for ages. It's nice to be taken care of for a change."

"I'll have to see what I can do about that." He grasped her hand across the table running his thumb over the back of her hand. She didn't pull away. He seemed like the type that could take care of her very well.

"Enough about me Ivan, let's talk about you."

They conversed animatedly through lunch until the restaurant was deserted. Ivan poured the wine and they spent an easy afternoon finishing the bottle. Ivan had the most beautiful eyes, soulful. They watched her dreamily as the two of them discussed everything from quidditch to magical creatures. Despite the occasional struggle with language, he was educated and insightful.

As the dinner crowd started to arrive they realized how long they had been there and reluctantly left. He walked her back to the castle before he left to return to Russia.

As they walked up the hill, he appeared to be watching something closely.

"Who's that durak watching us?" Ivan nodded towards the castle.

"The what?" She looked up in time to see Severus duck behind a shrub. "Oh, you mean the man in black?"

"Yes how do you say it?" He narrowed his eyes and searched for the word. "The fool."

"That's my friend Severus. Would you like to meet him?" _Why did I say that? _ _Please say no._

"That's Snape? Severus Snape?" He gaped and smirked at the same time gesturing towards the shrub.

His reaction made her uneasy. What could he know about Severus? "Why yes, did Igor mention him?"

"That guy?" Ivan threw his head back like Igor used to and laughed hard. "You threw my brother over for that guy?" He pointed obviously towards Severus and she pulled his arm down quickly getting embarrassed at his behavior.

"Lower your voice! Uhm, yes I guess you could say that."

"No wonder he was so mad." He laughed louder and harder and lost his English altogether. "Ya v osadke!"

She merely raised her eyebrows in annoyance at him hating it when she didn't understand him.

He was still laughing, "Sorry Sasha. Errr it means. I don't understand it. He looks like he never leaves the what is it?" He moved his right hand in a circle searching for the English word. "The room with the books."

"The library?" She dragged her words out sarcastically.

He clapped his hands together once "Yes!" and pointed at her.

"Well he is more of an academic I suppose." She was taken aback at his brass and annoyed that he would criticize Severus. For a moment, he reminded her of James.

"Has he got ahhhh,… babki?" He continued to search his mental dictionary. "Galleons? Riches?" Proud when he finally found the word.

"Well he happens to earn a very respectable living but he's not particularly well off by Malfoy standards."

He looked at her not quite comprehending so she tried to simplify.

"No, Neyt!"

He smiled seductively and slowly snaked an arm around her waist pulling her close to him. "I am."

"Ugh, I have my own money I don't need yours. You're worse than Igor." She teased while giving him a flirtatious push. Normally Igor's advances would be diffused with such a maneuver but Ivan was another story.

"Younger brothers are always worse." He seemed to carefully choose his words so as not to stumble again. He pulled her closer until her body was against his and spoke slowly. This time his tone was deadly serious. "How long are you going to wait for him?" He nodded conceitedly towards Severus. "He doesn't love you."

Ivan was right. She knew he was. It had always been hopeless. Severus told her it was on more than one occasion but she didn't want to believe it. Now here was Ivan, handsome and charming, he seemed like a good man. Perhaps he could finally help her forget this impossible love. Maybe she should take a chance on him. He watched her reactions and judged them carefully. "You know I'm right don't you?" His lips were full and tantalizing as he spoke. He moved slowly, hypnotically until his face was inches from hers as he spoke

She felt too conflicted to verbalize an answer but nodded. He looked over her shoulder again moving only his eyes, which looked incredibly sexy. "He's still watching." She tried to turn her head but he touched her cheek gently and turned her face back to his. "Stupid bastard. What would he do if I kissed you?" His voice was throaty and his accent hypnotic.

She was mesmerized and couldn't breathe. Was Ivan really going to kiss her? Would Severus do anything about it? Would she do anything about it?

He pulled her firmly into him and his body felt warm against hers. "If it were me, I'd pound him into dust. If he loves you, he'll stop me. If he doesn't, well then, it's up to you to stop me." Slowly, seductively his lips descended on hers. They were warm, no hot as he kissed her with confidence, like he had all the right in the world to her. His breathing was deep and sensual as he moved his lips over hers and his stubble gently grazed her face. Her body began to react instinctively and her hands wound around his neck. However her head was telling her this wasn't right.

Then she felt something deep in her heart. It was familiar and beautiful. She felt the velvet voice of Severus, soft, gentle and pleading, "No Sasha. Please don't do this to me." She felt her heart rip right in two as she abruptly pushed Ivan away.

"Ivan I can't." Sasha was gasping for air as she pushed him back and turned her head.

Severus stood behind the bushes and opened his eyes just in time to see her push him away. It worked. She felt his words. He breathed a great sigh of relief. Watching this was pure torture.

Ivan smiled at her. "You're not ready are you?"

"Ivan, I apologize." She looked down and focused on their boots.

He cut her off putting his finger gently to her lips. "You know when Igor used to play quidditch, if he would start to lose, he would make a joke and pretend he didn't care."

She laughed softly and met his eyes. "I remember that about him."

"I bet he did that with you too. When you pushed him away, am I right?"

One corner of her mouth turned up as she recalled that this was exactly what Igor would do if he thought she was shutting him down. "Detka, I never do that." He kissed her cheek. "I never lose focus." He planted one softer kiss on her lips. "I keep the pressure on." He straightened up abruptly. "I'll be back Sasha." He smiled and took a few steps backward. "You be ready for me." He grinned broadly and pointed at her. Then he mounted his broom and flew away while she watched him go.

She smirked and nodded. _My my my and I thought Igor was trouble._

Sasha walked back up the hill to the castle still in a daze. Ivan was incredible but what happened? That voice, it sounded like Severus was speaking to her. But it couldn't be, he would never have chosen those words. It had to be her guilty conscience getting the better of her for snogging Igor's brother so soon after his death. When she reached the top of the hill and entered the courtyard she saw him coming toward her. She quickened her pace to avoid him but he was undeterred and his stride was long. He caught up with her easily.

"Who the hell was that?" He demanded.

"Ivan."

"Ivan?" He drug the name out to make it sound as ridiculous as possible. "His name is Ivan? Like Ivan the Terrible?"

"Like Ivan Karkaroff, Igor's brother. Don't be so obnoxious."

"I might have known. Going after the younger brother now? The MUCH younger brother I might add." Emotion ebbed away and his voice reverted back his usual frosty tone.

"So what if I do?" She shrugged.

"Do you often pick up men at funerals?" One eyebrow shot up but she wasn't looking at him.

"Always. Don't you?" Came her retort.

"Most amusing Sasha." He snarled. "Would you mind telling me why he was here?" Then he noticed the bracelet. "And what is this?" He grabbed her arm and pulled her wrist up.

"A birthday present." She jerked her arm away and admired the ostentatious gift.

"Birthday?"

"Yes, he came to Hogwarts to wish me a happy birthday."

His jaw dropped when he realized that he'd forgotten her birthday and appraised the expensive jewelry draped upon her by this foreigner. Even if he had remembered her birthday he couldn't have given her anything so extravagant. He suddenly felt very inadequate and his answer sounded weak. "I'd forgotten."

"Of course you did." She said flippantly while narrowing her eyes and rolling them at the same time.

He was about to make a flip remark back but he was at a loss. He'd failed her yet again, failed where this man had succeeded. "I'm sorry Sasha. We didn't celebrate occasions in my household growing up and I guess I'm very poor at remembering these things." He tried to sound slightly pathetic so she would take it easy on him. She was usually taken in by this even when he wasn't trying to manipulate her. She had a soft spot for him. It was a weakness that he frequently exploited.

She thought of him as a boy with no birthdays or Christmases and felt sad for him. She wanted to make things better things for him when they were together. It was why she made a point to remember his birthday now. Then another thought crossed her mind and she was so jealous she was gritting her teeth. She stopped in front of him and stared him down. "January 30th." She saw recognition cross his face. Then resentment. "You remember that one don't you Severus?"

"Lily's birthday."

"We tend to remember what's important to us."

"You're important too." He sounded pathetic and she felt a childish urge to kick him in the shins.

"Those are just words. You're actions speak much louder. Oh don't apologize, I can accept it now. We're just friends and I'm trying to move on. Hey who knows, with all the funerals taking place these days maybe I'll get a boyfriend yet and you'll be free of me."

Merlin, now he really felt like a dog. "Sasha, let me make it up to you. We can go to Hogsmeade for dinner." He stammered.

"Thanks but Ivan took me to an early dinner."

"How romantic."

She shrugged. "Look we flew together all morning and afternoon and I've had a little too much wine. I'm just going to turn in."

"I'll walk you to your room."

_Great! _ "Fine."

"So you like this Ivan?" He knew he was just pestering her now but he had to know.

"He's nice. Sweeter than Igor I think. Better flier too. Almost as good as Regs was. Rich as hell too. Good thing he's not English or Lucius would escape from prison just to arrange this marriage." She was exaggerating his qualities for certain.

"Perfect." He said tersely. "Are you going to see him again?"

"Perhaps, he's asked me to come to the family estate for Christmas.."

"So what is this Sasha? One brother dies and you just take up with the other one?"

"Some people realize that life goes on Severus."

He arched an eyebrow at her then turned quickly and strode angrily back to his room. How could she possible take up with this man whom she knew so little about. She just met him. He was bewildered that she could just pick up and move on. He had always thought that true love lasted forever but she was slipping through his fingers. He had a desperate ache in the pit of his chest by the time he got back to his room. As he opened the door, he looked down and found a letter addressed to him on the floor.

Severus,

If you are receiving this letter, Voldemort has succeeded in assassinating me. As I write this to you now I know my death is eminent. Before it's too late there is something I want to tell you although it gives me great pain to think about it much less share the information.

Sasha has always been in love with you as long as I have known her. Did you know that? When I knew I wouldn't see her again, I made her promise to tell you that. I wonder if she did tell you or if she was just reciting what she thought I wanted to hear. My spies tell me you are not together. So either she didn't tell you or you're a bigger fool than I suspected. I would give anything for a long and happy life with her. In fact, if I survive, you'll never see this letter. I'll come back and pursue her relentlessly. Perhaps you'll be the dead man and I can wear her down. I can't live without trying.

There are so many wonderful things about her. I bet you don't know any of them. You're such a self-involved bastard. For instance I bet you don't know her favorite food or dessert or how she likes her coffee or why she don't touch butterbeer. Did you know she loves music? Or who her favorite band is? Ill bet you never even asked her. Do you know why she stayed in America all those years or what she did there? What about where she likes to go on vacation? Or what about more personal things? Do you know why she didn't go to the Potter's wedding? When I got out of Azkaban, she didn't speak to me for years. Did you know that? Do you know why? I'll bet you don't' know who her first kiss was. Do you even know her real name? It's not Sasha.

I know all of these things about her and every time I'm with her I want to know more. I deserve her. You certainly don't. You're cold, callous and you treat her like rubbish. I would treat her like a queen. However for some reason she loves you. I don't understand it but she does. I'm not writing this for your sake but for hers. I want her to have the life she wants and the person she loves. Seize the day Severus! Take the time to really know her. It's a second chance for you to live again.

IK


	50. Chapter 49 When I Think About You

CHAPTER FORTY-NINE

When I think about you…

Sasha was fuming as she watched Severus walk away from her. Every time she started to relax and either accept that he didn't want her or dare to hope that he did, she would be completely blind-sided by his behavior. It was maddening. She was sure he had no romantic inclinations towards her but he certainly acted like he was jealous just now. She didn't imagine it. And what happened when she kissed Ivan? Was that in her head? It felt like he was speaking to her from inside her. If that was the case it was seriously dark magic. Was everything she thought she knew about him wrong? She had to talk to someone. Tonks if anyone would understand. She was grateful that she was here this year to help Dumbledore keep the castle secure. Tonks was one of the few women she liked and trusted.

Sasha had barely knocked on her door when it swung open. "Merlin Sasha! Get in here!" She yanked Sasha by the arm and pulled her into the room. "Tell me everything. The entire school is buzzing about you and that hot wizard you were flying with. Who was he?"

Sasha wasn't prepared for this and didn't like the sound of it at all. "Ivan, Igor's brother. What do you mean the whole school is buzzing?"

"Ha!" Tonks slapped her knee. "You don't know? A bunch of girls were walking to the quidditch pitch and saw you take off. The girls were all talking about how handsome this guy was and pretty soon, well you know how rumors get started." She giggled and pulled Sasha over to the couch to sit down. "Then, oh this is priceless, Filch went to Hogsmead and saw the two of you heading in to Madame Puddifoot's. He came back to Hogwarts for lunch and sat with us. Snape was sitting with us and bitching about how you blew him off this morning and were so irresponsible."

"Oh, whoops, I forgot." She couldn't believe she forgot to let him know where she was going. Just as well though, he may have tried to interfere.

"Obviously. So Filch tells him he saw you with this good-looking wizard and that you looked pretty cozy. Oh man you should have seen his face. Bloody priceless! He was mad! He went storming out of the great hall and took 20 points from Gryffindor after he bumped into poor Longbottom."

"Pfffht! Typical." Sasha could see the familiar scene in her head. It was so like him to take out his anger on others. She frequently caught the brunt of it.

"Oh forget about him, tell me everything about Ivan. Do you like him?"

Sasha relayed the whole story to Tonks leaving out the part about feeling a voice inside her when she kissed Ivan. Tonks gushed over the bracelet and tried it on.

"Wow Sasha, this guy is smooth. He sounds like quite a catch." She held up her arm and examined the bracelet in the light.

"Maybe you should date him."

"Well maybe I will if Remus will get as jealous as Snape did today."

"Oh pooh. He doesn't get jealous. He just wants control over everyone. The man is a complete head case. I was having a great day until his outburst. He ruined my day. He does that all the time you know. I can be on top of the world and he will ruin it. He's a day ruiner."

"Day ruiner? What are you 14?" Snorted Tonks.

"You know what I mean. Every time I start to think, well here is how my life is going to go and it's all going to be okay, he comes in and messes up everything. He doesn't want me but he doesn't want anyone else to have me. I don't' know what to do with him."

Tonks suddenly got very serious. "Do you love him?"

"Yes, truly, madly, deeply yes. But he doesn't love me."

"What about Ivan? Do you love him?"

"No, I just met him, but I like him. I like him a lot. Who knows where it may lead."

"Then keep seeing him. Your feelings may deepen for him as you get to know him."

"What do I do about Severus?"

"You can't force someone to love you Sasha. Trust me I know. People have to come to that on their own. Honestly he may never come around, I mean how many years has it been?"

Sasha winced at her question. "More than I care to count."

"Right. You owe it to yourself to give Ivan a shot. I'm not saying run away with him tomorrow, just get to know him. Even if you decide later you don't want him, there's still an upside."

"What's that?"

"It's driving Snape insane." They shared a conspiratorial laugh.

"Thanks Tonks. I'm glad you're here to talk to."

"So am I."

Sasha walked back to her room feeling a little better. It helped her to have someone she could talk to and help her put things in perspective.

Severus read the letter three times. There was something chilling about receiving this letter after it's author was killed. Even more maddening was the subject matter. Leave it to Karkaroff to be so presumptuous as to write a letter like that. Handing Sasha over to him as if Severus Snape needed anyone's permission if he wanted her. Who the hell did he think he was? Didn't he understand the complexity of emotions? No he probably did not. It was simple for men like Karkaroff, you want something, and you go after it. He was probably very primitive in his emotions. Someone like that couldn't understand what it was like to feel so conflicted. His deepest love and loyalty belonged to Lily. It always had. For years it had been just that simple. Now however, there were so many other emotions coming into play.

For one thing he wanted Sasha with a passion. Every time they were together his mind wandered as he gazed at her athletic body. He was for some reason fascinated with the smoothness of her stomach and her muscular legs. He told her he needed help with the inventory of ingredients every week so he could watch her stretch to reach items on the top shelves. Her sweater would pull up and he could catch a glimpse of the flesh beneath it. He couldn't stop thinking about kissing her on that very spot and then working his way down. Then there were her legs. During the week while teaching she always wore skirts. If he could get her to fetch a book on the top of the bookshelf she would climb the ladder and he could see all the way to paradise. Each night as he drifted off into a very short sleep he thought of the night on the veranda before they were interrupted. Her body pressed against his while she whispered his name I his ear was an indescribable feeling. It was more than mere lust. He couldn't articulate what he was feeling; he just wanted more of it.

He was also grappling with his feelings about her pulling away from him. Of course it was a natural reaction for her after his treatment but he was irrationally hurt by it. She was supposed to love him and it felt like she was just giving up on him. He didn't want her to. If he was being honest with himself, her pure devotion to him had always thrilled him, even in school. While he was pining away for Lily, his Slytherin housemates were viscous with envy that Sasha Malfoy wanted to spend so much time with him. His ambitious nature enjoyed the fact that she would rather be with him than any of them and that it frustrated them to no end.

Then there was her new boy toy Ivan the Terrible. He hadn't seen that coming. Ivan barely knew her and already his was draping her body with ridiculously expensive jewelry, ostentatious and gaudy. Sasha had never cared about such things but she certainly seemed pleased with his gift this afternoon. The most frustrating thing was that even if he had remembered her birthday, anything he could have gotten her would have paled in comparison. He would never be able to compete with the level of wealth that she was raised with.

As annoyed as he was at the thought of receiving such a letter he could argue little over some of the finer points. Sasha knew every detail about him. For years she clamored to spend time with him and seemingly catalogued every detail about him, from how he liked his tea to what made him laugh. He couldn't say the same. He didn't know any of the things about her that Karkaroff mentioned in his letter. And what was with her name? How could Sasha Malfoy not be her real name? Everyone called her that. He had been in many classes with her and that was the name that was always on the roll. It positively infuriated him that Igor and perhaps even Ivan knew things about her that he did not. Perhaps it was because he felt entitled to her after her years of devotion. But what if now, she was falling in love with Ivan? He would never know any of it. He would never have the privilege of his lips on her stomach or other even more delicious places never have luxury of running his hands over her thighs. He would lose forever the hope of having her in his life.

He didn't know if his feelings were deepening or if he just hated to lose, but he was not going to lose her, not to Ivan the Terrible or anyone else. No way in hell was some barely legal whelp going to take her away from him. He was going to find out everything in that letter and more. He would win, and she would be the prize.

He sat there pondering his relationship with her as the sun went down and the sky turned red, then dusky and then the blackness of the night set in and he was alone in the dark with his thoughts. A light caught his eye and he looked out his window in time to see her turning on lights in her room. Voyeurism was a perk of the job this year. She lit the fireplace and warmed herself by the fire. He saw her look down at the bracelet, and then she ripped it violently from her arm and threw it on a nearby chair. He was happy to see that it didn't mean much to her, however it always annoyed him to see the wealthy treat such valuable objects with little care. Just like Sirius, neither understood the value of a galleon. She walked across the room pulling her sweater off over her head as she went. He gaped at the sight of her in a Slytherin green lace bra what an erotic choice that only he understood the meaning of. His pulse quickened at this beautiful sight. He watched her wiggle out of her jeans and grew hard as he leered at her tight backside slowly coming into view as she eased them down. What wouldn't he do to put his hands on her naked body. As she walked away from the window, he saw her unhooking the back of her bra. _Oh Merlin this is incredible._ He couldn't stop himself. Maybe the only way to have her was in his fantasies. His hand slid into his trousers and his mouth was watering as he touched himself while staring at her backside. He stroked himself while imagining what it would be like to come up behind her and feel her flesh against his. Suddenly her light went out and he could see no more. "Damn it!" He cursed out loud. That was the last straw. He was done with it. Done with cold showers and voyeurism and Russian guys. This time it would be different. He wouldn't choke. She was going to be his. He went to bed and plotted his assault until he fell asleep.


	51. Chapter 50 Blissful Slumber

CHAPTER FIFTY

Blissful Slumber

Severus turned over various schemes in his mind for the next several days. He was the most accomplished potions master in the wizarding world. He was a senior professor at the finest institution for magical education. He deceived and manipulated the most powerful dark wizard who had ever existed. Surely he could easily manipulate a free spirited witch who professed to love him into shagging him. Surely he could extract her from the arms of that shell of a man Ivan.

The following Friday he made his move, approaching her after lunch as they left the great hall together. "Professor Malfoy, I was wondering if you were free this evening?" His tone was very businesslike so as not to betray anything to possible eavesdroppers.

She turned to him and eyed him suspiciously. "Sure Sev, did you need help with your inventory again." She sounded quite tired.

"No, I thought we might have dinner, alone." He looked at her with no expression on his face as he drawled the final word of his invitation.

While still searching his eyes for a motive, she replied flatly. "Why?"

His face betrayed his disappointment at being confronted with her lack of trust. "Why not?" He motioned for her to follow him around the corner so they could converse in private. "Sasha, I feel terrible that I missed your birthday, I want to make it up to you."

"You don't have to make anything up to me Severus." She said dismissively. "Please don't feel obligated. It's fine really."

"No I want to. Please Sasha it's been so long since we talked. I miss you." He knew she would not be able to resist him if he played upon her sympathies.

His assessment was correct as her heart ached for him. "Of course. I miss you too." She sighed and smiled sadly at him. "You say. Name the time and place."

"Eight o'clock on top of the astronomy tower."

She stiffened remembering their last ill-fated trek to the astronomy tower. "Severus, I don't think this is a good idea. I just don't have the strength to go through all this again."

"I promise I'll be on my best behavior. Do not disappoint me." Sincereity was evident in his voice.

"Alright then." She said with some trepidation.

"Name your favorite dinner and desert and I'll make everything perfect for you."

"Severus really don't go to any trouble."

"It's no trouble." He was fidgeting and looking around to see if anyone was listening. This conversation was not supposed to take this long. He was trying very hard and didn't understand why she was so hesitant.

"Well, I like Greek food."

"Greek it is. And for desert? Chocolate cake?"

"Tiramisu."

"Tiramisu. Excellent. See you at eight."

Severus loaded his afternoon classes up with homework and cut them all short so he could make the necessary preparations for Sasha's belated birthday dinner. He pulled Dobby aside and instructed him to prepare the food and ordered Kreacher to prepare Tiramisu. Krecher was his usual obstinate self until Severus informed him that it was for Sasha's birthday. After that he was more than willing to assist. On his way out of the kitchen he snagged a bottle of red wine and went to his quarters to wrap her present. He put a lot of thought into her present and was excited about giving it to her. He was surprised at how good it was making him feel to do something nice for her. He was so accustomed to acting out of self-interest and when he was successful, he always felt pleased, but this was something far more gratifying.

At seven thirty he went to the astronomy tower to make preparations for dinner. With a flick of his wand he set up a table with two chairs, fine china, crystal and candles all around. The night air was a bit chilly and he cast a charm to warm the area where they would be dining. Kreacher and Dobby brought the food up and Severus ordered them around to complete the set up perfectly. Everything was set. Now all he had to do was wait.

Nerves were getting the better of him this evening as he felt butterflies in his stomach. He wasn't accustomed to making himself vulnerable as he had tonight. The effort he put into the evening was going to be very obvious. If she rejected him, he didn't know what he would do and was frustrated with himself for leaping into this without a back up plan. The moon was shining over the black late and he could hear some acoustic guitar music from Gryffindor tower. The scene was nearly perfect, but where could she be? He heard something behind him and quickly turned to see Sasha.

He didn't speak right away. She looked so beautiful he was stunned. Her hair was pulled back and put up to show off her lovely neck. She wore a white lace shirt with a high collar and extravagantly large cuffs peeking out of the sleeves of her blood red coat with a black velvet collar. The coat was slightly large for her and looked familiar but he didn't recall her wearing it before. She wore muggle jeans under her robes, which he found an amusing choice and high black boots.

One corner of his mouth turned up. "If it isn't the birthday girl." He approached her slowly and tried unsuccessfully to read the look in her eyes. He took her hand and kissed it. "You look beautiful Sasha."

"Recognize the robes?" she sounded as nervous has he felt.

"Yes but I can't remember you wearing them before."

"They belonged to Sirius." She said grinning.

"Ahh yes. I think they look better on you." He laughed softly.

"What's so funny?"

"Not funny but curious. Most people want money or jewelry when their relatives pass. You tend to raid their closets."

"Yes I suppose I do. It makes me feel like they are still with me."

"When I die I shall will you my entire wardrobe." He said trying to be amusing.

"You're a bit conservative for my taste dahling, but I might like that green scarf back if you're no longer using it." She teased.

"I'd like to keep it for now. Let's sit down." Her remarks were off the cuff but it bothered him that she didn't like his robes. He knew he would obsess about it later but refocused on the seduction at hand.

"Wow Sev, you didn't have to do all this."

"I wanted to."

"I'm surprised you don't have Barry White playing in the background."

"Who is that?"

"No one." She laughed. "Some muggle."

"Sit down Sasha. Let's enjoy your birthday feast."

"Looks good. What have we here? Lamb?"

"Yes, Souvlaki. I hope you like it."

"It's my favorite." She sat down and put her napkin in her lap. He nodded his head for her to start so she took a bite and immediately recognized the dish.

"How is it?" He asked anxiously.

"Wonderful. Dobby made this didn't he?"

"How did you guess?"

"Because it's my favorite meal from childhood and he used to make it every year on my birthday. I haven't had this in at least 15 years. This is wonderful. Thank you Severus."

"In the interest of full disclosure, I should confess now that Krecher made the Tiramisu."

"Wonderful, then this will be the perfect birthday feast."

"Would you like some wine?"

"Perfect."

They conversed on safe subjects over the course of dinner and the conversation was lagging and uncomfortable. Neither one wanted to chance offending the other and having the evening end badly.

After dinner, Severus levitated the Tiramisu in front of Sasha with one sparkling candle on top.

She shook her finger at him. "No singing."

"Do you know me to frequently burst into song?" He said dryly.

"Ha! No Severus, I don't but it's part of your charm." She found him funny and he decided that the evening was successful thus far.

"Make a wish."

Sasha looked dreamily across the table at him. He looked exceedingly handsome with the breeze catching his hair slightly but something was different about him tonight. His countenance was kinder, like he was really making an effort to make her happy. More than anything, she wanted him to continue. She closed her eyes and blew gently over the flame until it extinguished. She opened her eyes again to see him looking intently at her. "What did you wish for Sasha?"

"I can't tell you or it won't come true. You could read my thoughts though."

That stung him a bit as he recalled his poor behavior of late. "I'm kicking the habit."

"Then I guess it will be my dirty little secret."

"A dirty secret?" He raised an eyebrow. "How intriguing."

"Well not really that dirty." This bizarre conversation was unnerving her. "So are you going to try some tiramisu since it is my birthday, was my birthday. I think you might like it. It's not terribly sweet. Remember what I told you about trying new things?"

"Alright." He did enjoy the desert. She was correct that it wasn't too sweet for him. Conversation began to lag again but he was prepared this time.

"Would you like to open your present?" His eyes were thoughtful.

"Sev, you didn't have to get me a present."

He gave a terse smile, which reminded Sasha that this not something that he normally did. This wasn't something he was comfortable with which made her appreciate his effort all the more. He was making an effort. Tonight wasn't like their one sided exchanges of the past. This was different. He slid a small box across the table to her; the wrapping was gold with a red ribbon. She accepted it with a smile and slowly opened the wrappings while stealing glances at him. When she opened the box she was surprised to see a beautiful silver bracelet with several charms.

"It's a charm bracelet." She knew this but found his need to explain it utterly endearing and let him go on. "You can add various charms any time you want. I've started it for you with a few; a broom since you love to fly, and play quidditch. Here is a lion for Gryffindor. And" he laughed nervously, "a serpent for Slytherin just to remind you of Regulus, Lucius and I. The last one is a Pegasus so you will remember the morning we flew together."

He was excited and animated as he explained the meaning of each charm. He thought she would love it but when he looked up she was crying. He had blown it. "Oh, I guess it's not as lavish as the bracelet Ivan gave you."

"No," she said through tears. "No Severus it's perfect." She choked. "It's the most perfect present I've ever received. Thank you so much."

He breathed a sigh of relief. "I knew you would love it."

"You're so thoughtful." She was still sobbing.

"Sasha. I didn't want to make you cry."

She couldn't speak. Quickly she stood up and walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Here was the most beautiful flash of brilliance that completely overwhelmed her. She held him tightly and sincerely for some time before she remembered herself and pulled away. "I'm sorry Severus. I should go."

"No don't. Don't leave yet."

"This was wonderful but really I have quidditch tomorrow early."

"It's not even ten o'clock yet. We have half a bottle of wine and a sky full off stars." He focused on the intonation of his voice and predictably she responded to him.

"Well, when you say it like that."

He smiled and held out his hand, which she took while meeting his beautiful eyes. He walked her over to the place where they sat this time last year. He silently vowed that tonight would be different. They leaned back against the skylight and observed the stars.

"Severus?"

"Yes?"

"What is your favorite constellation?"

"I've never considered it." He said looking at the stars while wondering if she was remembering Igor. "I suppose yours is Orion."

"No, Leo, with Regulus as the brightest star."

"I should have known that."

"Do you have a favorite?

"I always liked the legend of Cassiopeia. As a boy I used to think it was funny that she was upside down."

"Really?" She sat up and looked at him.

"Why so surprised? Oh right, I'd forgotten that was Karkaroff's pet name for you."

"It's my real name. Well, it was anyway."

Severus was pleased that he'd accidentally uncovered the one thing that bothered him the most. "Tell me the story." He refilled her glass as she looked like she needed it.

"Well Lucius was four years old when I was born and he had this terrible speech problem. Cassiopeia is quite a mouthful and he had difficulty pronouncing it, so they changed it to something easier. He even got to pick it." She looked at her glass and swirled the red wine around. It was embarrassing to share this story with him and have him know how her parents always favored her brother.

"I think Lucius did you a favor. Cassiopeia doesn't suit you. You're not vain or manipulative. Sasha is a beautiful name for a beautiful witch." He raised his glass to toast her.

"You know Severus, you're really sweet. I'm just the only one who knows it"

He rolled his eyes. "So why did your parents name you Severus?"

"Severus was after a roman emperor and also my grandfather on my mother's side."

"Are you like him?

"Mother used to say so. Being disowned I didn't know him so it really means nothing to me." He was uncomfortable with the subject. "So should I start calling you Cassiopeia?"

"Ugh, no. You know Igor called me that when we were alone because he was smug about being one of the few who knew it. I let him just to be nice but it bugged me."

"I'll have to think up my own pet name for you."

"Ewe, Careful, I could make up something embarrassing for you too, like Sevy-poo."

He raised an eyebrow and stared at her icily. "Have you been spending time with 'won-won's girlfriend?"

She couldn't help but laugh. "Ha! Good one! No I don't believe you look like a Sevy-poo. Relax, I'm only teasing you." He watched her body movements as she laughed and the breeze caught the tendrils of loose hair around her cheeks. He felt a desperate longing to be close to her again. He cast a non-verbal spell to allow the temperature to drop a bit. "Brr," she shivered. "It's getting colder. We should go in."

Gently he spoke to her, afraid of scaring her. "Just a little longer Sasha." With his right arm he opened his cloak and took her left hand pulling her close to him and wrapping the cloak around them again. She rested her head on his shoulder and he was in heaven.

He watched her graceful hand as she admired the bracelet. "This is my most perfect birthday Severus. Thank you."

Sasha listened to his heartbeat and relished the moment of lying there in his strong arms under the starlight. She put an arm across his chest and snuggled closer to him while sighing in contentment. He stroked her hair and kept her close but neither spoke a word. Eventually they drifted into a blissful sleep.

_AN: Sigh…hmmm…night night._


	52. Chapter 51 Ivan the Not So Terrible

CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE

Ivan the Not-So-Terrible

_AN: I'm so enjoying everyone's messages and reviews, everyone has such great insight. I also love how some are rooting for Sev and some are saying Sasha should make him squirm. You are so awesome Tonks might be giving her some of your advice. Of course Sasha may thumb her nose at Tonk's advice, but it might be fun. Love to hear from you!_

Severus opened his eyes to find the sun coming up. He blinked and for a moment didn't realize where he was until he saw his lovely Sasha lying there in his arms and he didn't want to go. However he knew he must. He hugged her tightly one more time. I little moan of contentment escaped her and she snuggled closer to his chest. He admired her eyelashes splayed prettily about closed eyes like a china doll. Her lips were turned up slightly in a peaceful smile. Oh to wake up to this every morning. Ever the realist, he knew they had to leave quickly and when he spoke his voice was urgent. "Sasha, wake up my dear we fell asleep. What time is it?"

"Hmmm? Oh." She was a bit disoriented as he quickly extracted himself from her grasp and suddenly she was cold. "From the height of the sun, I'm guessing about six. Whoops." She giggled. "We must have had too much wine."

"We have to go before someone sees us." He said quickly.

"Not likely." She rubbed her eyes sleepily. It's six am on a Saturday. Lay back down."

"No. We have to be at breakfast and you have quidditch." He was starting to panic.

"Not till later. Settle down." She reached for his hand.

"Sasha, you might take this lightly, but I don't. I have to think of my position not to mention the war. Damnit, you're such a distraction." He was using his wand to pack up the table and dishes from the night before.

She sighed, looked down and played with her bracelet. Severus observed her and felt the pangs of guilt. This was always were he ruined everything. Not today. "I'm sorry Sasha, I wanted everything to be perfect for you. I had a wonderful evening and I hope you did too but we can't lose sight of other things. There is so much at stake."

"No, it's alright." She looked at him with a half smile. "We both should have been more responsible. It's just when you and I are together, when it's just you and me, and the stars are out and we're sharing wine _and _you've given me the most perfect present, well I guess I was quite swept off my feet."

She warmed his heart; it was exactly what he wanted to hear. "I don't know that I've ever swept anyone off their feet."

"You do it every day." She stood up and straightened her robes. "You just don't know it." She stood on her tiptoes and brushed her lips against his cheek. "Better shave before breakfast, bit stubbly." She said moving her hand across his rough cheek. "See you at breakfast."

As he evaluated the evening he wasn't sure if it was a success. Things hadn't gone exactly to plan as he still hadn't seduced her but somehow last night, seduction seemed inappropriate. He had some work to do to earn his way back into her good graces. She certainly left happy, she liked the bracelet, she'd slept in his arms, which was heavenly. However an odd fear was nagging him that he was losing control, and this was not something he had ever been comfortable with. He had not planned on sleeping all night up her with her. Even if he had "tapped it" as the boys in his house were fond of saying, his careful plan was to retreat quickly thereafter. She had such a relaxing affect on him. Drifting off to sleep with her head on his chest and her hair grazing his cheek was like nothing he had ever experienced. She wasn't gone two minutes when he began to scheme about how to have another evening with her. He would not fail this time.

Severus put both hands on the wall of the shower and lowered his head so the hot water could hit the back of his neck directly. His neck was stiff after sleeping on the tower, as were other things. He stayed in the hot shower much longer than usual in order to get warm. He was chilled to the bone. He shaved and thought about the feel of her hand on his cheek. It was such an intimate gesture. Familiarity between them was growing slowly but constantly and he wanted more of it. Now he knew her given name. He also understood why she didn't like it. The story behind it exemplified her family's lack of regard for her compared with Lucius. Severus and his mother had been disowned by her family and abused by his father and so he felt a kinship with her feelings and an overwhelming desire to fix it for her.

At breakfast he sat in the great hall sipping Earl Grey tea and not eating, eyes fixed on the door. Finally she entered, or rather made an entrance. She was dressed in her old Gryffindor quidditch robes that still fit her to perfection in all the right places. Pushed up on her head were an old pair of men's quidditch goggles and her untamed blonde hair trailed behind her as she walked with long strides into the room. She stopped to greet her team and give Weasley a pep talk who looked like he needed it desperately. She looked just like she did in school and Severus thought what a stupid schoolboy he must have been never realizing how wonderful she was when they were younger.

She sat down beside him with a naughty grin just as Flitwich joined them putting an immediate damper on conversation. "Good Morning Gentlemen." Sasha enjoyed her coffee and a croissant as she listened to Flitwich prattle on and Severus making appropriate but short responses while occasionally making knowing eye contact with Sasha. She smiled at him slyly, which was extremely arousing, like they were doing something very naughty. When Flitwich was distracted talking to another professor passing by their table she leaned over and whispered. "I hope you haven't been telling everyone you slept with me. I don't want people to think I'm easy." He turned and raised one eyebrow as she grinned at him wickedly. _Merlin, she is dangerous._

He knew he had momentum on his side and was going to use it to his advantage. He locked eyes with her. "What are you doing after quidditch today?"

"Whatever you want to." She purred and never broke eye contact.

His breathing quickened, as he remained lost in her eyes. Was she doing this to torture him? "Let's go to Hogsmeade. We can check out some new selections in the book store and then we can stop by The Three Broomsticks for a few butterbeers."

"Ugh, never touch the stuff." She looked back to her breakfast and appeared to be disappointed in his suggestion. However he seized the moment to learn something else about her.

"You don't drink butterbeer?"

"Never again." Her answer was firm.

Here was an opportunity to even up with Karkaroff. "Sounds like there's a story behind that."

"Oh, you'll have to get me very intoxicated before I tell you." Her tone was outrageously flirtatious for eight o'clock in the morning.

"Really?" He looked deeply into her eyes once again. "How shall I intoxicate you?"

She exhaled with a nervous laugh. "You just did." She took a sip of her coffee and continued to gaze adoringly at him. "If you must know, Lucius had a seventeenth birthday party that was not sanctioned by the family. A bunch of his Slytherin friends took a road trip to Drumstrang. I begged him to go but he didn't want me to. Little sister might cramp his style you know. I kept begging and pleading and finally Regs promised he would be responsible for me and keep me out of the way if need be. Honestly I was surprised he let Regs go, he was only 13. He was always mature for his age though."

"I remember when they did that. You know everyone in our year was envious that you and Regulus got to go."

"Well that was the idea." She laughed while pouring herself another cup of coffee. "Anyway it's me and all these Slytherin and Drumstrang guys and everyone is completely trashed. It was starting to get ugly. Not good. I was trying to be cool and so I drank all this butterbeer. I didn't even like it. Then Igor starts putting the moves on me as only Igor could."

"I don't think I want to hear any more." He set his empty cup down and she immediately refilled it.

"Oh no, you wanted to know. Anyway, they were playing these drinking games and of course they are all picking on me since I'm the only girl. Regs passed out, so much for him taking care of me. With Regs incapacitated and Lucius too drunk to care, I fell into the clutches of our friend Mr. Karkaroff."

He cut her off. "I'm done with this story Sasha."

"No, it gets better! So we go outside and he is turning on the charm big time. He's all hands and telling me how beautiful I am."

"I said, that's enough." He was gritting his teeth.

"And just as he's moving in to kiss me I vomited on his boots."

A conceited smile crossed his lips and he closed his eyes. "Classy."

"Wasn't it? The last thing I remember was Lucius singing "She's a Lady" as Karkaroff hauled me out of there. I puked my guts out and he was particularly annoyed with me but to his credit he took care of me. He was very sweet. He gave me a draught, put me in his bed and slept on the couch. Despite what you think about him, he was a nice guy. Anyway I haven't touched butterbeer since."

"And it's been how long?"

"I don't' know, twenty years? The smell still makes me nauseous."

"Alright then. I'll take you out for anything but butterbeer."

"Deal."

"I'll pick you up at 2 o'clock."

Severus arrived at the match just as it was starting. He watched her pacing the sidelines and barking orders at the Gryffindor players. The wind blew fiercely through her flaxen hair and her robes whipped behind her. He studied the way she expressed herself so passionately. She was so unlike him in her expression, but so much like him in feeling. Though most people were unaware, his emotions were every bit as passionate as hers. He however chose never to wear them on his sleeve as she did. They remained always raging just below the surface. He knew with her manner of expression that if he was ever able to sleep with her it would be incredibly passionate and the tought of it aroused him for what seemed like the hundredth time in the last 24 hours. Things had gone well the night before and he was filled with excitement as he planned their afternoon that would presumably lead to an evening, and hopefully into bed. He watched her congratulate her winning team. She looked jubilant. He returned to his quarters to prepare for a blissful afternoon with the only person he wanted to be with.

Sasha returned to her quarters after quidditch and drew a hot bath. She chose her outfit as the water ran. Her new favorite faded jeans that used to belong to Sirius, a chocolate brown turtleneck that hugged her curves and suede high heel boots that matched her sweater. As she soaked in the tub she admired her bracelet. She was afraid of wondering what had gotten into Severus this week but was thrilled by it. Sadly she wondered when it would end because it always ended. She dressed, and dried her hair, quickly applied make up and then waited. At five minutes after two, she went to her closet to choose a shear skin coat to wear so she would be ready when he arrived. At ten after two she put one more dab of perfume on her wrists and watched the leaves falling outside her window. At quarter after two she started to wonder what was keeping him and tied her hair up with a ribbon because he once said he liked looking at her neck. At two-thirty, she removed her boots and poured herself a firewhiseky. At three she finished her second fire whiskey and decided to take a nap.

Just as her head hit the pillow, there was a knock at the door. "Just a minute!" She whipped her boots back on and stopped by the mirror to smooth her hair before she greeted him. She flung open the door with a smile to find Tonks in the hallway.

"Ugh. Tonks"

"Well that's a nice greeting. What's got your wand in a knot? No wait let me guess, Snape. What did he do now? Didn't your date go well last night?" Tonks walked into the room without an invitation.

"It was perfect. He was so wonderful, planning this beautiful dinner with all my favorites and then he gave me this bracelet." She held out her arm to show Tonks.

"Nice. Not as extravagant as some people we know, but very thoughtful. One point for Snape."

"We talked and looked at the stars and I slept all night in his arms. Oh Tonks it was perfection." Sasha shrugged her shoulders and closed her eyes.

"You stayed up there all night?" Tonk's face was wild with excitement.

"Yes." Sasha shook her head excitedly.

"Tell, tell! Are the rumors true? I'm dying to know. Tell me everything."

"Tonks really! It wasn't like that, nothing happened."

"Wait a minute, you stayed up there all night and nothing happened?"

"No. He's far too chivalrous to try anything."

"Not even a kiss?" She snarled.

"No." Sasha was starting to lose the good feeling she had about the evening.

Tonks threw her hands in the air. "What a wanker!"

"Shut up! Don't be so childish. He is not."

"Is so!" She made a face at Sasha who looked offended.

"He's a gentleman!"

"He's a wanker! Are you sure he's straight? You know he's never had a girlfriend and that would explain why you've never gotten together."

"I assure you, he is heterosexual." She replied with distain.

"Yeah but nothing? All night, snuggled up and all you did was sleep? Are you sure you're heterosexual?" She raised her eyebrows and giggled.

"Are you trying to be amusing?"

"Oh relax, I'm just kidding."

"I just don't know what to do when I'm with him. I'm always walking on eggshells. What do you think I should do?"

"I think he won't feel like a man if he's not the one to make the first move."  
"That's so old fashioned. I could get old waiting for that to happen."

"Perhaps it's escaped your notice, but you already have. You have to remember Snape is a little old fashioned. Maybe you can just coax him along a bit. You know, tease him a little. He's wound so tight it wouldn't take much to push him over the edge you know. Torture him a little bit."

"You are evil Nymphadora Tonks." Sasha walked over to the cabinet and poured herself a third drink.

"Yes, but skillful and you need me."

"Well that sounds like great fun but I'm already back to square one. He was supposed to be here an hour ago to take me to Hogsmeade and once again, I'm stood up."

"Wanker!"

"Tonks, just stop. I'm not in the mood for this at all." Sasha began to sniff a bit as she looked at the clock and saw three-fifteen. How could he do this to her again?

"Alright, let's get you out of here. We can't have you sitting around watching the clock and waiting for him all day. You'll drink yourself stupid."

Sasha stopped in mid swig. "What exactly are you insinuating?"

"Nothing, relax." She shrugged. "Bloody hell if I was in love with Snape I'd drink too." Sasha glared at her. "Sash, relax, lets have a girls day. We'll go to Hogsmeade and get a pedicure from that new goblin spa, my treat. We'll have a little retail therapy and then The Three Broomsticks for dinner again my treat."

"Tonks I was up early, I really don't feel like it. I'm just so tired."

"Then we'll get you a coffee. Come on. I'm not taking no for an answer."

Although Sasha didn't want to go, by the time Tonks dragged her into town, she was already feeling better. As the goblins at the spa did their pedicures, Tonks talked about all her problems with Remus. It was good for Sasha to get a dose of schadenfreude and it was starting to work. Poor Tonks was desperately in love with a man who thought himself unworthy of love. She knew the feeling well. Although they had entered into the evening with the motive of taking Sasha's mind off her problems, Tonks needed to take her mind of things just as badly. With their toes done and their sprits lifted, they entered The Three Broomsticks to have dinner. Both looked around apprehensively for Severus or Remus. Neither was anywhere to be found and they looked at each other and laughed. Sasha led Tonks over to her favorite booth that had a prime view of the entire house. It was where she would hold court as a popular young girl.

As they finished their first glass of wine before ordering dinner Sasha was just starting to relax when Tonks jolted her. "Merlin's Beard!"

"What is it?" Sasha grabbed her hand.

"Who is that knight in shining armor?" She nodded towards the door. "Merlin he's good looking, why have we never noticed him?"

"Who are you talking about?" Sasha turned to the door and then quickly turned back around covering her face with one hand. "Oh no, it's Ivan."

"That's Ivan!" Tonks laughed and grabbed Sasha's other hand giggling conspiratorially like a teenager. "He's bloody gorgeous. Why are you worried about Snape?"

Sasha didn't know why but she was starting to panic. "We have to get out of here before he sees me. Oh no!"

"Too late. He's coming over." She squeezed Sasha's hand while grinning.

"Shit."

"Hello Detka." He kissed Sasha possessively on the cheek and then pulled up a chair before he was invited. He looked at her like he could see right through her robes.

"Hi Ivan. This is a pleasant surprise." Sasha could feel a hot blush creeping into her cheeks while she was under his gaze. "Uhm, this is my cousin, Nymphadora Tonks."

Igor kissed her hand as she stifled a giggle. "Call me Tonks. Sasha's told me so much about you."

"She has?" It was his turn to be surprised as he surveyed Sasha to see if this was true.

Sasha felt miserably uncomfortable through the first course. She was deathly afraid of Severus arriving, seeing them together and pulling away from her again. Why did he have to turn up tonight? As their main course arrived, duck, which Ivan suggested and which was delicious, she began to relax. He was so attentive to her, keeping her wine glass full and asking questions of Sasha and Tonks too. He was obviously concerned that the evening be enjoyable for both of them. It was such a different feeling than the constant state of anxiety she had with Severus, always staying on safe subjects, never pressing, constantly apologizing. Ivan was, easy to be with. She also thought it charming that he didn't make Tonks feel like a third wheel as some men would in this situation.

They felt a breeze as the door opened and looked over to see Remus walk in. He looked over the crowd and spotted the three of them but then looked down and headed to the bar. "Remus!" Sasha waves him over. He nodded to her, and went to the bar to order his drink. Then slouching with one hand in his pocket, he approached their table.

"Hello, Sasha, Dora.. I didn't know you two were coming here tonight." He eyed Ivan suspiciously who was unphased and extended his hand to introduce himself. "Ivan Karkaroff."

"Ivan is Sasha's boyfriend." Tonks desperately explained. Sasha gaped at her.

Ivan's lips curled into a conceited smile as he leaned closer to Sasha and slid his arm around her shoulders. Sasha was horrified and narrowed her eyes at Tonks but she wasn't looking at her. She was looking deep into the eyes of Remus Lupin who breathed an obvious sigh of relief. He was so obviously in love with her it was painful to watch.

"Why don't you join us Remus?" Sasha suggested.

"I don't want to intrude." He said looking at his feet.

"You're not intruding. Sit." Ivan's robust invitation would be difficult for anyone to refuse. "I want to get to know all of Sasha's friends." He smiled at her and slid into the booth to be closer to her.

Remus studied them and Sasha could tell he wasn't impressed with Ivan so far. "Where is Severus Sasha?" He asked pointedly presumably to annoy Ivan. "I thought the two of you had plans today."

"The rat stood her up." Tonks always had to get her two cents in which aggravated Sasha.

"Tonks!" Sasha leaned back in her chair rolling her eyes. _Why did she have to blab everything?_

"Stood you up?" The shock in Ivan's voice was obvious. "HE stood YOU up?"

"I'm sure he has a good reason. He's very busy." Sasha defended him as always.

"There is no possible reason that would be a good reason." Ivan looked sincerely at her and his remarks were blunt as always. "It is however more reason he's not good enough for you." The waiter brought dessert and Sasha was never so grateful for an interruption. As she looked over the table at Remus, he raised his eyebrows and scowled at her disapprovingly. She could almost hear Sirius speaking through him and was exasperated just thinking about it. When dinner concluded, Ivan insisted on picking up the check, which seemed to annoy Remus even further. Tonks took his hand and they left the restaurant together. Well at least the evening worked out for someone, Sasha thought.

"I've been dying to ask all night." Ivan said as soon as they were alone. "What's this?" He ran his finger under the bracelet Severus gave her.

"Oh, birthday present." This wasn't going to go well, she knew it already.

"From who?" He asked quickly revealing his annoyance.

"Severus."

He snorted and looked disgusted. "Didn't you like the one I gave you?" He frowned and picked up her wrist gently to examine the charms.

"I loved it but it's too precious for everyday." She withdrew her arm but forced a smile for him. "I'll save that for special occasions." She knew just how to sooth the vanities of a man like Ivan.

"Every time we're together is a special occasion." He slid closer to her. "Let me ask you something."

"What?"

"Did he see the bracelet I gave you before he bought you this thing?"

She didn't like the way he referred to her bracelet as a thing nor where he was going with this. "I guess he did."

"As I thought. And tell me did he even know it was your birthday before he saw it?" She sighed and did not want to answer him. "Also as I thought. So he did all this out of jealousy not out of knowing or caring when your birthday is."

"Ivan you don't understand him."

"Wrong." He snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her within an inch of his face. "I understand him perfectly. If he hadn't seen us together, he wouldn't have done a thing."

"I don't want to talk about this." She tried to pull away but his arms were powerful and he wouldn't let her. Being forcefully held by strong arms wasn't entirely unpleasant. It was good to be wanted.

"How long are you going to waste your time on him? You know every time his name comes up you look miserable. Why do you put yourself through that? I would make you," he paused and swallowed "so happy. You know I would." He stroked her hair and pushed a strand behind her ear. He wasn't lying when he told her he would keep the pressure on. She didn't know what to say to him and looked down avoiding his eyes.

"I don't want to talk about him any more."

He lowered his head so she had to look at him again. "Nor do I." He leaned close and kissed her softly, then not so softly. "I'm in love with you Detka. I'm going to romance you until I make you fall in love with me." He paused and softly brushed his lips against hers. "And then I'll romance you for the rest of our lives. You deserve someone who loves you." He leaned in and kissed her deeply again, this time she wound her hands around his neck and kissed him back which made him groan softly. He lowered his hand down her back into her hip pocket as his other hand slid up her thigh under the table.

Sasha's head was spinning from his brash declarations and the pleasant feel of his lips and stubble grazing her face. There was something electrifying about the way he didn't care who saw them, or what anyone thought of what they were doing. He wasn't ashamed of her or the way he felt about her. He understood his feelings. Things were uncomplicated with Ivan Karkaroff. He loved her, and that was it. _Oh, why can't Severus be more like this? _She thought and then immediately pushed him away.

"What's wrong?"

She was flustered and worried that he would know she was thinking of another man. "Ivan, we're in public. I'm a Professor. This is entirely inappropriate behavior for The Three Broomsticks." She laughed nervously.

"Then let's get out of here." He stood up and threw what Sasha thought was triple the money they owed on their tab down on the table, and then extended his hand to her. She walked out the door with him under the nosey gaze of the majority of the patrons. _No secrets in this town_. It was sure to get back to Severus. She wondered if he would even care.

Severus returned to his quarters around ten o'clock completely exhausted after a particularly grueling day of blocking the Dark Lord's attempts to invade his mind while disclosing only authorized bits of intelligence on the order to him. He had been called to his side right at two when he should have been seeing Sasha and there had been no time to explain to her. What must she be thinking about him right now? He agonized over this as he looked out the window into her window. Her light was out and so he decided not to wake her. If he put off explaining till morning, perhaps she would have cooled off. Hopefully she wouldn't be too angry with him.

His window was cracked open and from outside he heard a woman's laugh that was unmistakably Sasha's. He flew over to the window to see her coming up the hill with that Russian bastard Ivan. He had his arm around her and appeared to telling her an amusing story. His delivery was animated and she laughed and interjected comments as he went. Every so often they would stop walking and he would plant a kiss on her cheek. Severus quickly extinguished all lights in his room so he could spy on them without being detected. As much as he wanted to know every detail, he kept shutting his eyes and gritting his teeth. How could she do this after the night they spent together? Couldn't she see how hard he was trying? Didn't she know how he felt? No, perhaps she didn't. How could she when he was unsure himself? But why this guy? They were spending so much time together, everything was going well or so he thought.

She must have been crushed today when once again he let her down. And that rat bastard had been here to pick up the pieces. How convenient. He hated Voldemort more than ever. His first love had been murdered. Though he begged for her life the request had been dismissed as if it didn't matter. Now once again, his foolish choices were killing his relationship with Sasha. Only this time it was a long slow death and he was forced to watch.

As they stepped into the courtyard and approached the castle door together Severus realized to his horror that she was going to take him back to her quarters. His stomach contracted and his breathing became irregular. He was losing. He was losing her, his prize. Ivan had one hand on the door but Sasha stopped, her feet planted firmly outside. She was telling him he couldn't come in. _Good girl_. Ivan appeared to be attempting to debate his way into her bed for the night. She was shaking her head. He had seen her do this with many men. The sweet but firm blow off, he was glad to see Ivan wasn't getting special treatment.

Ivan waved his hand and the ribbon came out of her hair causing her blonde locks to spill over her shoulders. Severus was entranced from thirty yards away, he feared to imagine what it looked like from Ivan's perspective. She reached to grab the ribbon back but he stepped away. She made another attempt. Severus growled at this trite move designed to get her to come to him. Finally her back was against the door and he moved in for the kill. He kissed her passionately and ran his hand up her leg until he could grab her backside. Severus was livid but he couldn't stop watching. This was what he had been dreaming of doing and now this Johnny-come-lately was touching his Sasha. He refused to tolerate it. His instinct was to burn through him with the cruciatus curse but then he saw Sasha's face as Ivan kissed her neck. She was looking forlornly up at his window. Maybe she was thinking of him. This wasn't what she wanted, but then why the hell was she letting it happen? He closed his eyes and focused as hard as he could on her. He willed his words into her mind. _"Please don't give up on me. I need you so badly."_ When he opened his eyes she was ducking out of Ivan's arms.

"Ivan, this isn't right. I have to go in now." She sputtered, unsure of what just happened for the second time.

"Argh!" Ivan growled and half-heartedly raised his fists in the air. Then he looked back at her and smiled. "Alright Detka. We do this on your time. I'll be traveling for the next couple months but I want you at my home for Christmas."

"Ivan, I" but he cut her off.

"Shh, don't say no. Just think about it." He draped the ribbon over the back of her neck and then used it to pull her gently to him as he kissed her forehead. "Remember, I want to be with you. No guess work, no games, no obstacles, just you and I together." He walked a few steps away from her and then turned. "I'm going to write you insanely romantic letters. Expect them." He smiled and she waved good-bye to him.

Severus watched Ivan walk of the grounds and then fixed his eyes on Sasha's window while wondering if he would get to see any skin tonight. He was disgusted with himself yet again leering through her window like a peeping Tom when he had planned to be skin to skin with her by now. He poured himself a brandy and sat down in his chair, still in the dark and getting aroused at the mere thought of seeing her naked. He needed a release very badly. After seeing her with Ivan he was tense with anger and trying not to explode. He knew he had no right to be jealous after standing her up and also knew that he would scare her away if he took his anger out on her. This time would be different. He would bite his tongue and proceed as planned as if this little hiccup hadn't happened. He desperately hoped that she would also.

Her light came on as he unbuttoned the top of his trousers. She walked over to the window pulled out her wand and closed the drapes.


	53. Chapter 52 Thank You

CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO

_AN: Thanks so much for all the reviews and messages. I do love your feedback. Hope you like this one_

Thank You

Sasha awoke on Sunday morning and pulled the covers over her head cringing over the memory of the day before. He stood her up again. _Oh Severus why do you do these things to me? _ As hurt as she was, she knew all he had to do was say the word, and she would go to him again. She was thoroughly enslaved. What could have happened that kept him away from her? Perhaps he didn't like that Butterbeer story at breakfast. It didn't put her in a particularly favorable light. Perhaps he heard her swearing at students on the quidditch pitch and found it unattractive on a witch. Too many years playing with the boys had conditioned some course language into her vocabulary. She felt tremors in her chest, the physical evidence of heartbreak. She so desperately wanted him to think she was worthy of him. Despite his unfortunate background he was so refined, well educated and shrewd. He was disciplined and analytical, confident in his knowledge. She was all over the place; flying, quidditch and an occasional drinking situation that was getting worse as she pined away for him. Maybe this really wasn't meant to be no matter how much she wanted it. Perhaps she was meant for a man like Ivan, outdoorsy, robust, gregarious like the men in her family.

There was a knock at her door. No doubt Tonks wanting to recap the evening's events over some coffee. She didn't bother to brush her hair or throw a robe on, but answered the door in the skimpy tank top and white cotton panties, she'd slept in.

"Come in Tonks." Then she froze when she was eye to eye with Severus who was carrying a tray of coffee and tea.

"Merlin!" He exhaled at the sight of her in her current state of undress. His eyes traveled over her body and she merely stood there letting him. A toned athletic body was currently her only resource so she exploited it.

"Oh hello Severus, well better," she stopped to look at her watch, "Seventeen hours late than never." He blinked once and continued to stare at her body, focusing on the inch of flesh on her taut belly peeking out just above her panties. The silence was uncomfortably long. Finally Sasha spoke. "Is there something I can, uhm, do for you."

Severus felt all the blood in his body rush to his nether regions and lowered the drink tray just in case. "You could put on a robe." He said slowly and with great effort.

Sasha snorted. "Oh yes, how terrible of me to offend you." _Ivan wouldn't have told me to put on a robe. If Ivan were here he would have ripped off what little clothing I am wearing and told me how beautiful he thinks I am_. She went to her closet and slipped on a blue silk smoking jacket that barely covered her bum. It had once belonged to Sirius but he didn't know that. Let him wonder what man, what possible lover it came from.

"I brought you a coffee. Pumpkin spice latte, isn't that your favorite?"

"Yes," she replied tersely taking the cup. "Trying to get back into my good graces after standing me up?"

"I was summoned by the Dark Lord Sasha. I could not refuse to go or stop to explain." His response was clipped and to the point.

"Oh." Sasha suddenly felt terrible for assuming the worse about him. "Are you alright?" She rubbed his forearm over his robes wondering how that mark must feel.

"Fine. Nothing I'm not used to." He set down the tray and tried his latte, wincing at the sweetness. "I hear you weren't lonely without me."

_Damn, no secrets around here._ "Oh, uhm, well Tonks and I went to dinner. Remus and Ivan turned up rather unexpectedly."

"A double date, smashing." He sat down in an overstuffed chair, which he sunk into.

"It wasn't really a date."

Severus was growing angry watching her make excuses. "I don't care what it was." He really didn't. "I'm glad you had a good day. There's no reason why you shouldn't have." The bitter lies tasted terrible coming out of his mouth. He played with the tassel on a pillow in the chair. "Are you free today Sasha? I thought we could do something together."

"Sev, I've been goofing off all weekend and now you're being a terrible influence. I've got to prepare for my classes. I'm behind in lesson planning and I have papers to grade."

"I can help you with that." His expression brightened which she found charming. "You'll finish much faster if you let me. Meet me in the Dark Arts classroom at eleven." He stood to leave.

"You won't stand me up again?"

"Unless I'm summoned again, wild hippogriffs won't keep me away." He was attempting to be amusing but she wasn't laughing. He moved in closer. "It was imperative that I go immediately Sasha I can't say any more than that. Can you please understand?" He took her hand and rubbed the soft back of it with his fingers.

"Of course I can." She put her other hand on top of his. "You know I'll always support you in what you have to do Severus."

They spent the afternoon grading essays, designing the next week's lesson plans and practicing defensive spells. Severus felt the need to test her skills on every spell and offer assistance in areas she was lacking in. He was far superior to her in technique through years of practice. Being competitive, it was starting to get on her nerves.

"Is your Patronus solid? You used to be inconsistent as I recall."

"Mood swings. I've been practicing and I think it looks pretty good though."

"Let's have a go then. Show me." He spoke in clipped tones as if he was addressing a student.

Sasha focused and took a deep breath. "Expecto Patronum!" Silver streams flew from her wand and gelled quickly into her Raven patronus. It flew around them in grand circles while watching the two of them. She wondered if he would recognize himself and as she began to lose focus the raven became blurry. Severus stepped behind her and put his hand on her wrist lifting her arm.

"There." He said softly. "Just like that." She felt the beginnings of five o'clock shadow on his cheek. "That's beautiful." He whispered in her ear.

His voice sent a shiver down her back causing her to lose focus and the raven disappeared.

"Oops." She was embarrassed to lose focus in front of him. "Quote the raven, nevermore. You're a distraction Severus."

He smiled smugly at her, delighted that he could be a distraction. He was getting closer to the prize. "You'll have to be able to cast it when confronted with distractions or it's utterly useless Sasha."

"Show me how its done Mr. Smarty Robes. You cast your patronus while I distract you. I bet I can get you to lose focus." She raised her eyebrows quickly and smiled.

"I do not lose focus, ever. You will not be able to distract me." He was immersed in his snotty potions master voice now.

"Ooooo, care to wager?"

He circled her sadistically while considering her offer. "If I win, you'll serve detention every Friday night for a month, for your…cheek."

"And if I win, which I will, dinner on the astronomy tower every Friday for a month."

He smirked at her not believing his good luck. "I can't lose." He grinned like a naughty little boy. He stood tall and extended his wand in perfect form. "Expecto Patronum." Silver streamed from his wand but before it could take shape Sasha came behind him and pressed her body seductively against his. The patronus wavered and didn't take its shape.

"Hmm, better watch your form Severus," she breathed into his ear.

A soft laugh escaped him. "You don't play fair Miss Malfoy." He redoubled his efforts and tried once again to focus, as the patronus was coming along. Sasha wrapped both arms around him putting her hands firmly on his chest and began to slowly move them down across his stomach. His heart was racing at her touch and the patronus still failed to gel.

"What's the matter Severus? Can't you concentrate?" She was doing her very best impersonation of Bellatrix which always seemed to render men helpless.

He laughed nervously and took a deep breath as he half heartedly tried to focus again. This was getting interesting. He could do this all day. Her hands slid further down over his hips to the tops of his thighs. "Ooooh" She cooed into his ear. "Looks like I'm going to win. Pity, I was so wondering what you would make me do for you in detention. Had you already thought up some assignments for me?"

One hundred filthy options crossed his mind at once. No way was he going to lose and miss that opportunity. He focused with all his might until his silver doe was staring mournfully back at him. His satisfaction at winning was short lived as his heart sank looking at his lovely.

"Lily." Sasha whispered. Her hands dropped from his body as the Patronus vanished. She stepped away from him. He turned to see her eyes red and a desperate attempt to fake a smile. "I guess that was a draw." She stammered.

"Sasha." His voice was pleading with her but the words wouldn't come. His desperation increased as he watched her backing away from him like he had a disease.

"I have to go meet Tonks." She sniffed.

No, she was leaving. He couldn't take this again. In his desperation, he blurted out his words. "Sasha please. I want to get over her. I'm sick of this hell. It's killing me. Please don't go."

The tension in her face melted away and she looked serene as she walked back to him and wrapped her arms around him. "It's going to be okay Severus. It just takes time." Rigidity now left his body and if she hadn't had her arms around him he would have been a puddle on the floor. He put his arms around her and held tightly on to her like a life preserver in tumultuous tides. How could he be this close physically to his goal and emotionally incapacitated at the same time?

She pulled away from him and took a deep cleansing breath. He did the same. "Let's go get some dinner."

"I'm not hungry."

"Come on now. Let me take care of you. Some dinner, some wine and a good nights sleep will help you." She rubbed his back and coaxed him out of the room.

_Merlin, I'm an idiot. _Severus wondered how long he would be haunted by this memory. It was standing in the way of the only thing he had wanted for himself since Lily died. How long was he to be punished for his sins? How long must Sasha suffer for them?

Weeks passed and Severus received Sasha's full attention, or what he thought of as the Igor Karkaroff treatment. Just as she did with Karkaroff, she made sure he took care of himself, poured his tea for him. She was sweet and supportive and kept her normally endless slew of cheeky remarks to herself. _She must think I'm on my way out too._ He worried that he was slipping into the friend zone or just becoming someone she would merely pity. Pathetic he would be compared with his rival Ivan the Terrible.

As the evening of Halloween rolled around Sasha could see the dark cloud slowly descending over Severus and his depression worsened. She thought he must suffer terribly every year at this time in solitary silence. He ate very little and spoke even less through dinner that night. Filch's choir performed during dessert. A rather sinister sounding Halloween performance that she was sure was adding to his funk. He looked down the entire time. She panned the crowd of students and saw Harry glaring at him. Poor Severus, he was so misunderstood. She reached under the table to grasp his hand. She expected him to pull away from her but she wanted him to know she understood him. She was surprised when he gripped her hand tightly while never looking up or changing his expression.

When the song ended, the students applauded loudly and Sasha used the opportunity to speak to him without being heard. "I'll handle lights out for Slytherin and say you are ill if you want to turn in early.

He looked at her with gratitude in his eyes and exhaustion in his voice. Thank you Sasha"

"No Trouble at all." She patted his hand.

"Will you come over afterwards?" his beautiful voice sounded so forlorn.

"Sure. Want me to bring some Kentucky Bourbon?"

"No." He smiled sadly. "Just yourself."

When she arrived at this room he had the window open and an unseasonably warm breeze was blowing in. He had moved the couch to face the window and was sitting with this long legs stretched out and his feet propped up on the windowsill crossed at the ankles. His black robes were tossed aside and he sat there in dark trousers and his white shirt open around the collar, exposing his collarbone. She couldn't resist. She touched the back of his neck. "Showing some skin? How out of character." She teased.

He gave a weak smile while a shiver went down his back. "My head is splitting and my neck and shoulders are tense. Must be the weather."

"Surely you have a potion that would take care of that."

"I prefer to suffer today."

She hopped up on the back of the couch and slid between him and the furniture. He was surprised and moved forward. "Sit back." She said easing him to lean back against her.

"Sasha what?"

"Shhh, relax. I won't try anything. This will help you feel better." She rubbed his temples and head and could gradually feel him start to relax. Through the open window she could hear someone playing "Stairway to Heaven." "Do you want to talk while I listen or shall I just try to take your mind off it?"

"Take my mind off it." He wanted to think about anything but what happened to Lily that fateful Halloween night.

She didn't miss a beat. "Zeppelin never goes out of vogue I see."

"Typical Gryffindor playing music after lights out." He snarled.

"Oh relax. They only do a couple songs every night before they turn in. It's not hurting you. It's nice actually." She rubbed his shoulders while he groaned with pleasure.

"This song reminds me of Lily." Immediately he regretted saying that to her. He just felt so bloody comfortable when he was with her that he found himself saying things he never intended to say to anyone. It was like he was drunk. Now she would think of that every time they played that song and they played that song all the bloody time.

"Is there anything that doesn't remind you of Lily?" she sighed.

Slytherin tendencies kicked in immediately as saw his opening to recover. "Gorgeous blond witches rubbing my shoulders." He said leaning his head back against her.

"Oh my. Good answer. Fifty points for Slytherin." She teased and he laughed softly and pressed her forehead against his cheek. She was the only person he felt comfortable laughing with. "Suave under pressure Professor Snape."

"That's me."

"Do you like LedZepplin?"

"Yes, very natural sound and thoughtful lyrics."

"I knew it!" She said triumphantly. "I could never be friends with someone who didn't love them."

"Pfft. There's a lofty criteria." He laughed, but here was a chance to cross something off the list. "So they're your favorite?"

"By a mile."

"Favorite song?"

"You first and don't say Stairway, that's too easy."

"Thank You."

"I should have known. If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you."

"Sorry. Hope I didn't' ruin it for you. Yours?"

"Well until now it was 'Thank You' but now I'll go with Immigrant Song. It reminds me of the Karkaroff brothers." _Take that snarky._

He gave a low growl. "How are things with you and Ivan?"

"Oh I don't know. He's wonderful. He's perfect for me but I just don't feel a strong connection yet. Plus every time were together I feel like Igor's looking down on us and I imagine funny things he might say to heckle us. I suppose you think that's weird."

"Very. What do you imagine him saying?" He was suddenly afraid she would mistake his voice for Karkaroff's. He wondered how it sounded in her head.

"Like the day he took me to Madame Puddifut's. Igor wouldn't have been caught dead in that place so I imagine him laughing at the choice and telling him he's being cheesy. And the bracelet, Igor would have said he was trying too hard and to quit sucking up."

"Hmm, he would have said that about my present too."

"He wouldn't dare say that about you in my presence. I'd level him. You know the last present he gave me was after he died. Ivan brought me a picture of the two of us that Igor wanted me to have."

Severus was growing weary of this subject. "If he was such an expert on women, he would have had you."

"Ha! Touché'. I'll remember that." She laughed softly. "If he's listening, he's seriously mad at you right now."

"As if I care."

"Are you feeling better yet?"

"Starting to."

"Brilliant."

"How are your classes going?" It was his turn to make small talk.

"They really are insufferable prats."

This shocked him and he laughed hard at this. It felt good to laugh hard. He couldn't remember his last real belly laugh. "I'm shocked. Little Miss Mary Sue Malfoy hates children. I never would have guessed."

She pushed his head forward playfully. "Stop it. I don't hate children. There a very good lot actually but you know there are always one or two in every class that you'd like to knock out."

"More than one or two."

"Only if it's full of Slytherins. You know I've never seen such a group of children more full of themselves."

"Really? I can think of another."

"Oh stop it. Severus I just can't help but think that we really aren't doing these children any favors letting them parade around all puffed up over bloodlines that they didn't do anything to deserve. Don't you think if we rethought our sorting process that this might alleviate some of this behavior?"

He was impressed that she had given the issue this much thought but didn't want to waste precious moments with her.

"Sasha?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up and rub my shoulders."

"Gladly."

The remained silent listening to the music and enjoying the last warm autumn breeze. In due time they drifted once again off to sleep together.

Severus awoke to feel Sasha's jerky movements behind him. "Severus!"

"Yes." He was incoherent.

"Severus!" Her voice was urgent.

"I'm right here." He turned and put his strong hands on her shoulders to steady her.

"Don't go. Please don't go." Desperation was in her screams.

"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." He tried in vain to comfort her from this unknown fear.

"Please don't go." She sobbed. "Regs stop him. You have to stop him. Don't let him."

"Sasha, wake up."

"Don't let him do it Regs. Please don't Severus. Don't take the mark. Please don't, she's not worth it." The words hit him like a clenched fist.

"Sasha, wake up you're dreaming."

"I love you." She cried. "Come back to me. Please, I could make you so happy. Don't go. Stay here; come to the ball with me. Please just give me a chance. Don't leave me." She leaned her head against him convulsing with tears.

"Shhhh. I'm here Sasha. I'm not going anywhere."

"Don't leave me." She wailed in his arms.

"I'll never leave you. Shhhh. It's all right. I'm here."

"Stay with me Severus. I love you." He quickly lowered his head to look into her eyes but she was still asleep.

"I'm right here. Shhhhh." He kissed the top of her head and rocked her body slowly back and forth until her sobs subsided and she was calm. She never awakened and was soon sleeping peacefully in his arms. Gently he lifted her and carried her over to his bed and set her down. He knew he should be a gentleman and sleep on the couch but he was afraid if she started to dream again and he wasn't right there, she would become hysterical and thrash about again. He slipped into bed beside her and put one arm over her so she could feel him close to her. _Finally we're in bed together and this is all it is. Bloody hell._


	54. Chapter 53 Don't Go

CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE

Don't Go

Severus dosed off and on all night but never really did sleep comfortably. He was thankful for the morning light so he could see her lovely face. This was the second time they slept together and he still hadn't made love to her. He was a failure. His enemies, Potter, Black, Karkaroff, they wouldn't have choked. Crass bastards like them would have had their way with her and been bragging in a rather ungentlemanly way at breakfast. He desired her immensely. However despite his plotting and scheming, all his longing to rip off her clothes and ravish her even now, he knew he could not. He was not that man. He took relationships seriously. Good ones were a rarity in his life and the few that he had were sacred to him. Despite his prior plans he could not behave as other men would. He would not touch her unless everything was perfect and things were far from perfect. The war, his inability to let go of Lily, her dalliance with Ivan the Terrible, everything was a mess. It was his most ardent desire to make things perfect, to clear the way for them, but it seemed everything was working against them.

She began to stir and he was afraid of not knowing what to say to her so he pretended to be asleep. He listened to her sigh and felt the tension in her body ebb and flow as she stretched. He felt her roll over and face him and then lovingly rub his arm. Merlin this was heaven. She slipped out of the bed and he could hear her putting on her boots, which he had removed the night before. Then she walked around to his side of the bed and whispered in his ear. "Are you awake Severus?" Her breath on his neck sent a warm sensation down his back and into his morning timber but he did not open his eyes. He felt her lips on his cheek and then she whispered, "Severus Snape I'll love you till the day I die." It was all he could do to remain still until her heard the door shut behind her.

Sasha was busy with classes and one final quidditch practice that afternoon prior to the match scheduled for the following day. She had very little contact with Severus but was hoping to see him at dinner that evening. She was feeling very confused. She knew he was working though his feelings but his actions were so caring towards her. Their affections seemed to be growing, as both were more comfortable with physical contact. He always stopped short of crossing the line that she so desperately wanted him to cross however. It was maddening. She could get the same kind of cuddling from a Labrador retriever. She was tired of friendship and wanted more from him. He did not attend the match that weekend and was nowhere to be seen all day. Saturday dinner came and went but she did not see him. She also didn't see him on Sunday. The idea of going to see him crossed her mind but what was the point. It was quite obvious that he was avoiding her.

Monday morning at breakfast she sat across from him and he was his usual self, nothing amiss. She was crushed that he could behave as if nothing had happened but then, nothing really did happen. It was merely something she'd created in her mind. The morning owls arrived and she received a letter from Ivan. He was writing her at least twice per week, sometimes three. He would tell her about his travel, his business, the people he met, his life was varied and interesting and he seemed to share a similar view of the world, she looked forward to his letters. The last third of the letter would inevitably be dedicated to declarations of love and promises of a life together. That part always made her uncomfortable. As fond as she was of Ivan, she didn't want a life that didn't include Severus Snape.

Severus watched her sipping her coffee while perusing Ivan's letter. It infuriated him. He knew everything that was in Ivan's letters and didn't like it one bit. When he was sure she had class he would break into her room and pull the letters out of her writing desk to read them. He was ashamed of this but couldn't seem to stop himself. His last letter included a detailed account of a sexual dream Ivan had about Sasha. He was appalled for one thing that anyone but he would think of her like that, but further that they would tell it. The fact that she kept the letter and didn't burn it was irking and bothersome.

Weeks went by and Severus made no further advances. He was all business and their conversations didn't surpass small talk or work. But he was always dreaming of her.

One morning, an owl addressed to him interrupted his musings. He opened it and began to read an update from Narcissa about activities at Malfoy Manor as they could be related to helping Severus protect her beloved son Draco. He became focused on work and the letter and did not notice Sasha staring at him.

"Why is Cissy writing to you?" It was an accusation not a question and Severus was taken aback and completely unprepared to answer her.

"I asked you a question Severus. What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?"

"It's not from Cissy." It was a desperate lie.

"Liar." She said flatly with her eyes narrowed. "That's my family crest on the parchment and I'm sure Lucius doesn't have access to monogrammed stationary in Azkaban. I'm going to ask you again, why is Cissy writing to you?" Her words flowed out hot and angry but with a disturbingly low controlled tone much like his own. Her heritage was showing.

"She's concerned about Draco's marks."

"Merlin you're awful at this! I can't believe the Dark Lord hasn't found you out and shanked you by now. Draco's marks are perfect as always and if that's all it was why lie to me about it?"

He blinked at her, stunned.

Her face changed and she appeared to have an epiphany. She snorted at his silence. "Un-fucking-believable! You disgust me Severus."

The fight was on now and he quickly recovered himself. Debate was something he was not afraid of. "Disgust you do I? I thought you were going go love me till the day you die."

"Then perhaps today is the day." She spat while whispering so as not to be heard. "My brother is rotting in Azkaban and you're balling his wife."

"What?" His shock was surely written all over his face.

"I should have known. All men are dogs, cheaters at their core. My father, Sirius, Igor and Lucius too for that matter so perhaps he deserves it, all of them outrageous philanderers. You know all this time I thought you were above all that rubbish but perhaps that's just where I'm concerned."

"Sasha, settle down and let me explain it's not like that at all."

"Please spare me. I do not want to hear what it's 'like' to fuck my sister in law." She said with biting sarcasm.

He grit his teeth and leaned over the table to her. "Lower your voice and watch your language."

"Eat shit!" She shoved her plate across the table at him knocking over his tea and causing a commotion. Her chair fell backward as she stood and strode out of the hall with her robes flowing behind her and everyone watching either him or her. Her irrational jealousy thrilled him and he wanted her more than ever.

In the weeks that followed she ignored him, which was maddening. At first she was openly hostile but gradually she softened into sullen silence and then to minimal and purely necessary conversation. She always came back to him. The trait that he used to find annoying, he was now exceedingly grateful for. She believed him to be lying to her and sleeping with another woman while betraying her brother and still she could not resist him. It made him want her more and more.

Her exhibition of jealousy over Narcissa was a sexy memory he couldn't get out of his head. No woman had ever acted that way with him. She was territorial like a cat. She thought of him as hers, and she would fight for him. The passion in her eyes that morning was exciting and his stomach flipped every time he thought of it. He didn't know whether to find it amusing or disturbing that she did not apply the same standard to herself. She read Ivan's letters in front of him all the time; of course she didn't know the depth of his feelings. Still he chalked it up to her being a wealthy Malfoy. Malfoys and Blacks never seemed to think the rules applied to them. A character flaw, it was a sad product of her upbringing.

Two weeks before the winter holidays he decided she had softened enough to make a move. He found her sitting alone in her classroom one evening and decided to approach her.

"Shall I wave a white flag of surrender before I am permitted to enter?"

She glanced up over her reading glasses and then back down at her stack of papers before speaking flatly. "Surrender? Were we at war?"

"It feels that way."

"Felt more like a cold war." She took her glasses off and put them on a stack of books.

"Whatever it may be let's just call a truce."

"I'm not much for a truce. That's just temporary. I like to win."

"Then how about an apology." He didn't think he owed her one but he would lose that argument.

"I'm listening."

"I'm sorry for lying to you."

"Brilliant." She snorted.

"But I didn't do it because I'm sleeping with Narcissa. I am not. I have not, and I will not."

Finally she looked at him. She gazed into his eyes for a long time. "I believe you. So why is she writing to you?"

"There are certain things about my work that I can never share with you."

She analyzed his face for a long time. "Fine. You know what? I don't care. You keep your secrets. I'm exhausted; I'm going to bed. If you will excuse me." She attempted to push past him but he stopped her.

He put out his arm to stop her. "What are your plans for Christmas?"

"I'm going to Russia." She said defiantly.

"Oh." This shouldn't have surprised him considering that they hadn't spoken in many weeks and Ivan was writing her three times per week professing his love. "Are you in love with him? Please tell me the truth."

"No."

"Then what are you doing spending the holidays together?"

"He invited me. And as usual I have no plans." She sighed heavily. "Severus, I'm so terribly tired of being alone. Don't you ever feel that way?"

"You're not alone Sasha." His voice betrayed his emotions. "You're with me."

"But you're not with me Severus. We've barely even spoken to each other in weeks. Honestly it's taken you all these years to decide that maybe possibly you perhaps might want to entertain the idea of maybe partially attempting to perhaps get over her if at all possible. What am I supposed to do with that?"

"How witty." He quipped. "I suppose I must be quite exhausting. You needn't trouble yourself any longer." He started to turn away but she grabbed his arm.

"I've never considered you trouble. I just want you to understand me."

"Damn it Sasha! Don't go to Russia!" He was angry and immediately regretted raising his voice. He turned away from her successfully this time.

She stepped behind him and put her arms around him resting her head on his shoulder. "Please give me a reason to stay."

He turned carefully without breaking her embrace "I was hoping you would do me the honor of accompanying me to Slughorn's Christmas party. If you still have your heart set on going to Russia, you could go the next day."

Her eyes lit up and a dreamy smile warmed her face.

"I'd love to."

"Thank you." He kissed her softly on the forehead. She tilted her head to meet

his lips but he quickly broke their embrace and left the room.

AN: Sorry for the late update this week. The Ravens lost in overtime and I've been completely distraught. Well not really but it was a bummer.

_Love to hear what you think. Thanks so much for all your reviews and messages! Living for them. _


	55. Chapter 54 Slughorn's Christmas Party

CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR

Slughorn's Christmas Party

The next two weeks were blissful for him. After weeks of deprivation from her company, she was back by his side. She conversed with him over breakfast, poured his tea and was back to her thoughtful self. If letters arrived from Ivan she tucked them away and respectfully did not open them in front of him. His soul was enraptured. He assumed the strange feeling inside him was what Dumbledore occasionally referred to as a "warm and fuzzy."

Eagerly he awaited their date together and wondered if she would sleep with him again. He was certainly going to try. To wake up next to her and have nothing to do all day but enjoy her company without interruption was all he could think about. He took great care with his appearance, shaving very carefully and working hard to do something acceptable with his hair. He should just have Sasha cut it for him. Then he would know she liked it. He considered his wardrobe knowing she liked the robes he wore to the Yule Ball; he pulled them out of the closet. He worried that wearing them might make her think he was trying too hard so he pulled out something of better quality than his everyday but not as elegant as dress robes. There was a spring in his step as he walked to her quarters. Preparing for an evening with Sasha always filled him with a feeling of promise that had been missing since his youth.

Sasha was a vision in black lace as she greeted him at the door. Her hair was twisted into an elegant knot with only a few wisps escaping around her face and some grazing her bare shoulders. Her shoulders entranced him upon seeing them for the first time. He imagined that they were probably silky to the touch and perfumed. His eyes moved to her décolleté with her breasts swelling seductively but tastefully above her neckline. The snug bodice of her dress was covered in black lace, tailored perfectly to her waistline and hugged the luscious curve of her hips until stopping just above her knees. The legs of an athlete extended downward into black stiletto heels.

Severus stood dazed with admiration. He couldn't believe he was with a woman who looked this incredible. Never had he dared envision it for himself. He wished his father who always said he would amount to nothing, could see how striking she was, and then he could tell him to piss off. Thinking of his father reminded him that other men would experience a primitive carnal reaction when they saw her and he had a sudden ridiculous urge to throw a poncho over her.

"You're wearing that?" He cringed as soon as he said it. It was the worst comment imaginable to a woman who looked this delicious particularly considering her insecurities.

Her face fell and for a moment he feared she would cry. "What's wrong with this? Don't you like it?"

"Mmph, I love it Sasha, but it's too sexy." He gulped.

"Oh really?" She cocked her head to the side with a grin and her expression looked exactly like Sirius Black. They were so distantly related that their features were dissimilar but in mannerisms they were two peas in a pod. This infuriated him.

"Sasha," he spoke in condescending fatherly tone, "you can not go into a gathering of teenage boys dressed like that."

A wry smile curled her lips. "Maybe we should stay in."

_Oh, yes_. "You're terribly undisciplined Sasha."

She took a step towards him and touched the buttons on his shirt. "Would you like to discipline me?"

_A thousand times,_ y_es. _ "Have you been drinking?"

"Ugh!" She rolled her eyes obviously annoyed that he wouldn't play along. "No! Fine I'll change just unzip me. I always forget how conservative you are. What's got you all wound up anyway?"

His hands began to sweat and he wiped them on his robes before slowly unzipping her dress down to the small of her back. As he opened her dress to reveal tantalizingly luminous skin on her back he was also acutely aware that she was not wearing a bra. As if this weren't enough to drive him insane, he peered down past the end of the zipper and caught a glimpse of the top of her panties, which were pink lace. His mouth was watering and without thinking he leaned forward to kiss the back of her neck just as she stepped away from him. He lost his balance and took a step forward to keep from falling. _ Damn!_

She walked behind the screen that blocked the door to her closet. He watched her shimmy out of the dress and then toss it over the top of the screen. Her naked body was in silhouette and he watched her shadow walk to the closet and pull out various outfits and hang them back up. After several tries she pulled another dress off the hanger and slipped it on over her head. He was disappointed that she didn't appear to need help with a zipper again. He could see her shadow pulling items out of a box and holding them up presumably jewelry. Desperately he hoped she didn't come out wearing Ivan's bracelet.

When she stepped out again he was overcome with the realization that despite her normally flamboyant manner of dress and behavior, she just might be the perfect witch for him. She was every bit as lovely as before, but she was now wearing a black turtleneck dress. It grazed her body and without being too tight accentuated her figure, but no skin other than calves were showing. She'd chosen a conservative pearl necklace along with his charm bracelet and looked every inch the respectable companion of a professor. Beautiful but everything was left to the imagination. Perhaps she could blend into his life more easily than he sometimes thought.

She shrugged and spun around causing the end of her skirt to lift a bit. "Drab enough for you?"

"You could never look drab but at least I won't have to battle lusty schoolboys to save your honor all night."

"Well we can't have that." She smiled, and then noticed the time. "Oh I've made us late Severus, we'd better get going."

He extended his arm to her and she took it as they leisurely sauntered to Slughorn's rooms. Sasha was reminded of the night they almost attended the Yule Ball together and vowed not to make a mess of things as she had that night.

He attempted to make small talk. "Are you looking forward to your holiday?"

"Not really. The burrow will be terribly noisy with all the children home; I'd rather have some solitude. Remus is coming though. This will be the first Christmas since Sirius died. It will be good to spend it with his best friend."

Severus didn't listen to one word after he heard burrow. "I thought you were going to Russia. Things must be getting serious if Mr. Karkaroff is coming to the burrow with you. I suppose it's important for you to introduce him to your friends."

"I won't be seeing Ivan."

He stopped dead in his tracks and turned to face her. His heart was nearly bursting with joy but his face betrayed nothing. "Oh?"

"No."

"Lover's quarrel?" Nervousness bested him and his defenses kicked while he raised an eyebrow at her.

"He's not my lover and I'm afraid he's very angry with me."

"About?"

"Well, when I told him I would be a day late so I could attend the party with you, he uninvited me to Russia." She smirked. "Easy come, easy go."

"You told him you were staying to spend an evening with me?" He couldn't contain his joy any longer and smiled broadly. "Why not just lie?"

"Because that's a lousy thing to do to someone. I believe in full disclosure. Relationships are difficult enough with the truth much less if people start lying about their whereabouts." She spoke pointedly as she continued walking forward without looking at him. "So I'm cast out, but at least I won't be lonely."

"You'll be safer at the burrow anyway."

"Always the safety police." Then a sly smile crossed her face. "I'd be safer with you. Why don't we spend Christmas together?" Her words were light but her tone was pleading. "Severus we could go far away together. Anywhere you want to go, New York, Paris, the country or someplace warm like the islands. Just the two of us. I have loads of galleons and access to at least ten family homes in beautiful locations."

The thought of running away with her even for an hour was a dream just out of reach for him and he regretted his answer. "That is a kind offer Sasha but I must decline. If I am not at Spinners End, Wormtail will squawk."

"Oh, yes of course." Her disappointment was obvious. "I know you have responsibilities." She stroked his arm. "Maybe one day. Well, let's just make the most of tonight then shall we?"

"We shall." He resolved to savor their precious time together this evening.

All eyes were on Severus and Sasha as they entered Slughorn's party reminding Sasha what a rarity social occasions must be for Severus. From across the room she saw Harry openly wince like he just tasted something foul and immediately wanted to slap the expression off his face. He looked exactly like James who always had something to say about her choice of dates. Severus obviously noticed the reaction of the guests for he gently squeezed her hand. She wondered if he was trying to reassure her or himself.

Ever the perfect host, Slughorn greeted his guests. "Sasha, Severus, how lovely you look together, like you've been together for years. I hope it was my invitation that's brought you together." Sasha felt her face flush scarlet and then Severus put his hand on the small of her back and she felt instantly better.

"This is quite a gathering Horace." Severus took over the conversation since Sasha was currently at a loss. "I'd forgotten how elaborate your parties are. You seem to have thought of everything."

"Yes, well I'm thrilled that you've come. I remember as a young man you weren't particularly fond of parties, always avoiding my invitations. Sasha I see your gregariousness must be having a good affect on him."

"Severus isn't so easily influenced, however we're both happy to be here tonight Horace." She was eager to change the subject. "Tell me, how will you be spending your holiday? I recall you enjoy traveling to exotic places."

"Ah yes, I'm off to India this year." He began to go on about his travels and Sasha briefly met Sev's eyes knowingly. They were both relieved to be on to a different subject. Neville passed by with a tray of drinks and Severus grabbed one for he and Sasha then his hand was right on her lower back again which she enjoyed exceedingly. She didn't' know if it was done out of possessiveness or an uneasiness at social gatherings but she didn't care. The warm caress of his touch was divine.

He excused himself to speak with Harry, which she found unusual but didn't question. Surely it was some form of harassment and that little prat deserved it tonight. Tonks waved to her from across the room and Sasha went to join she and Remus who looked depressed and a bit shabby.

"Remus, I didn't know you were joining us tonight." She kissed both he and Tonks on both cheeks. "How wonderful to have you here."

"Good to see you too Sasha. I thought you we're going to Russia."

"I was but when Severus asked me to accompany him tonight I decided against it. I'll be going to the burrow tomorrow."

"Wise choice."

"I think so but what makes you say that?"

"We don't know anything about Ivan other than his brother was a Death Eater."

"Former Death Eater." She icily corrected him. She hated to hear Igor criticized even after death. "I think he's a good man."

"Stick with Severus. He is a good man."

"That he is."

"It's good to see you together."

"Oh we're not together. Well we are together tonight. I mean, oh I don't' know what I mean."

"Have another drink Sasha." Tonks laughed handing her a full glass of champagne.

"I might at that." She said nervously as she wiped sweaty palms on her dress and took a long drink.

"Look at you. I've never seen you so nervous. Not since Sirius took your underwear and threatened to run it up the Drumstrang mast." Remus snickered while Tonks gaped at him obviously not familiar with the story.

"Very funny." Sasha deadpanned. I'm not nervous it's just been a long week."

"Remus, Nyphadora." Severus was by her side again with his hand warmly on her back. She immediately felt calmer. _I could get used to this._ Sasha stifled a giggle at Tonks as she watched her fume over being called Nymphadora but being too afraid of Severus to call him out on it.

"You're looking well Severus." Remus kindly attempted small talk.

"As are you Lupin. Well tended I see." Tonks looked at the floor. "Any news?"

"Nothing. Anything on your end?"

"Not a word."

"Alright gentleman no strategy. This is a social occasion."

"Here here!" Chimed Tonks.

"To old friends." Sasha raised her glass as her friends clinked glasses and Severus looked admiringly into her eyes. Why couldn't every night be like this?

Severus appeared to become more comfortable as the evening went along. He felt secure with Sasha by his side. Normally events such as this left him with a lonely feeling. Frequently he was invited places out of pity, a solitary bachelor that people took in on major holidays so they wouldn't have to feel bad about him being alone while they enjoyed themselves. Tonight however, he was with a beautiful woman who adored him and who he might quite possible have in his arms until dawn if he didn't bungle it.

The room became warmer through dinner and by the time desert was to be served he noticed Sasha's cheeks were flushed. "Are you alright my dear?" Lovingly, he placed his hand on her shoulder and silently cursed himself for forcing her change in wardrobe. He could have been touching her flesh.

"I'm fine. It's just a bit warm don't you think?"

"I do. Come over to the window with me for a bit, it's cooler there." He stood and extended his hand to her and led her through the elaborate labyrinth of veils until they stood before the window.

"Oh Severus, isn't it beautiful?" The snow was falling heavily and the full moon glistened over the freshly coated grounds of the castle.

"It pales in comparison to you." He said before he had time to think better of it and then felt quite self-conscious.

The corners of her mouth turned up and she sighed. "I like you like this."

"Like what?"

"When you try. When you make an effort to engage with others. When you're attentive and kind."

"So you think I'm not normally kind?" Somehow he always thought the worst of himself and others opinions of him.

"I think your heart is always true but it just doesn't' always show in your public actions."

"Isn't it what's on the inside the counts?"

"Yes, but when you're short with people and standoffish it hurts them and they respond to you in kind."

"So you want me to continue to turn on the charm."

"That's entirely up to you but you know what I like the most?"

"What's that?"

"The feel of your hand on the small of my back." She expected him to smile at that but instead; his countenance was sincere as he gazed at her with intensity in his dark eyes.

His heart was racing so fast he felt sure she could hear it. "I find it more difficult with each passing day to keep my hands off of you." His hand remained on her back as he pulled her closer to him.

She leaned close to him and whispered into his ear as she nuzzled against his cheek. "Perhaps you should give up the fight." A small moan escaped him as he lazily dragged his cheek across hers moving their lips closer and closer together. As the corners of their lips met they were startled by a commotion going on in the party.

He quickly moved his head away putting a finger to his lips for quiet so they could listen. Sasha heard the unmistakably nasal voice of her nephew Draco and immediately wished Lucius would have drowned him at birth. They heard something about lurking and gatecrashing and he sounded most uncooperative.

Sasha growled in irritation. "My family, my problem, I'll handle it."

"Not a chance. I know you; you'll go easy on him. He's in my house. While at school he's my responsibility." He noticed her disappointment and felt it deeply himself. "I'll return as quick as I can and you can remind me where we left off."

"I actually have to remind you?"

"No, but it could be fun."

Sasha waited behind the veils for a discreet interval until she could rejoin the party inconspicuously. She joined Tonks and Remus for another glass of champagne, and another, and another. The party began to digress a bit as Slughorn's parties usually did. The music got louder and people descended into ridiculous intoxication. Sasha's mood deteriorated along with her sobriety as hour after hour went by and Severus still did not return.

As the guests were starting to thin out a very drunk Cormac McLaggen accosted her. "Profethsor Malfoy," He slurred his words as Sirius used to. "I was wondering if you could get me out of detention with Profethsor Sthnape."

"No one and I mean no one gets out of detention with Professor Snape Mr. McLaggen. What was your detention for?" She pushed him off, as he was getting too close for her taste.

"Vomiting on his shoes." He said proudly and then imploded with a fit of conceited laughter.

"I'm afraid you're screwed Mr. McLaggen. And stay away from my shoes. They're Prada. Where is Miss Granger?"

"She left with Potter. It seems I am unattached for the moment, as are you I see." He whispered in her ear.

Sasha's jaw dropped as she looked at Tonks just in time to see her spit out her drink and bury her head in Lupin's shoulder as she shook with laughter.

"I think it's time we took you home Mr. McLaggen, before you get detention from me as well."

"Hmmm, a regular little cougar aren't you? Grrr."

This pushed Tonks well past her limit and she threw her head back laughing openly. McLaggen thought she found him witty and smiled conceitedly at her. He was quite proud of himself.

"Remus, will you please do something with this?" Sasha shrugged and waved her hands and McLaggen leaned in to nuzzle her neck.

"Alright Mr. McLaggen, let's take you back to your house." Remus coaxed the drunken young man out of the party. "I'm sure the ladies are waiting up in the Gryffindor common room for you."

As soon as they left Tonks grabbed Sasha and they collapsed on a nearby couch in tipsy laughter. "Oh Merlin that was hilarious." Tonks cried through laugher.

"I'm so glad you found it entertaining."

"Seriously though he's cute. If only you were younger and not such a cougar."

"Uhg! You put the nymph in Nymphadora."

"Ha! Tell Remus that would you?"

"I just might. That will have him howling at the moon. How are things with you two? Must be good if he's here tonight and you'll spend the holidays together."

"Yes. He's coming around. Slowly allowing me into his life. I have to be very careful though. I never know what's going to set him off."

"Sounds familiar." Sasha rolled her eyes and began to stew over Severus again.

"Why do you think Severus didn't return tonight?

"He has a great deal of responsibilities. Perhaps the Dark Lord called him or Albus, or perhaps he decided to wash his hair and listen to Pink Floyd all night. Who knows? I never know what's going on with him. What do you think?"

"I think you allow him lots of excuses when he's behaving like a snot rocket."

"Snot rocket? Nice."

Tonks laughed.

"You've got to quit hanging out in the Gryffindor common room. It's murder on your vocabulary."

"You should join me. I'm sure McLaggen will like to see you."

"Why don't you come hang out with my in my quarters until Severus comes back. I'm sure he'll stop by later. It's early."

"No, I'm going to go meet Remus."

"Oh well by all means. I can't compete with Mooney. Have fun."

The walk back to her quarters was cold and lonely. What could have happened to him? He was being so charming and devoted all evening and then torn away at the most inopportune moment. _Just my luck._ She entered her room and waved her wand to light the fire and turn on some lights. Another flick started the phonograph. Debussy was perfect for her mood but would have been better with some company. She felt slightly pickled and conjured a hot chocolate with marshmallows to enjoy by the fire while she waited for him to arrive. Surely he would come soon. Perhaps he went back to the party looking for her. Slughorn would tell her where she was. She leaned over the back of the chair to look at his window but all was dark. He must still be dressing down Draco, or perhaps he found more students behaving badly in the Slytherin common room and started handing out detentions like candy. Surely after the last moment they shared together, he would return to her. She leaned back in the chair as exhaustion overtook her and she drifted off to sleep alone.

She awoke to the clock chiming six bells. He head was a little foggy and her neck hurt from sleeping in her chair. Severus hadn't come. The morning light was streaming through the windows an magnified by the reflection of the crisp white snow blanketing everything outside. She looked over at his window but couldn't tell if he was there. No lights were on but it was obviously very early and he most certainly had a late night. She quickly changed out of her dress from the night before and threw on jeans and a sweater. She brushed her teeth and washed her face and quickly ran over to his rooms. She knocked on the door and waited for him. She didn't hear him stir and assumed he was asleep. She tried the doorknob but of course it was carefully locked and so she knocked again this time a bit louder.

"E's not there professor." Came the snarl of Filch.

"Oh. Where is he?"

"E' left last night for Spinner's End I believe."

"Oh. I just wanted to wish him Merry Christmas before he left. Thank you Mr. Filch." She sulked back to her quarters with a heavy heart to back for the burrow. _I should have known better than to hope._

_AN: Like a moth to the flame. Darn that Draco. What do you think happened to Severus? Where could he be? Thanks so much for your messages and reviews. I appreciate them immensely_


	56. Chapter 55 Christmas at the Burrow

CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE

Christmas at the Burrow

The normally long journey to the burrow was even longer for Sasha as she obsessed about the sudden departure of Severus and his lack of explanation. She shared a compartment on the train with Tonks and Remus and was unfortunately forced to endure endless questions and editorials from Tonks about why Severus abandoned her the night before and what she planned to do about it. "Did you see Severus last night?'

"I did not." Sasha responded flatly while never taking her eyes off her copy of The Daily Prophet.

"Phfft. What an arse." Tonks waved her hands around and paced across the compartment.

"I'm sure he had a good reason." Sasha responded coolly wishing to be done with this conversation as quickly as possible.

Tonks however couldn't let it go. "How much rubbish are you going to put up with Sasha?"

"Tonks!" Sasha scowled over her newspaper. "I do not wish to talk about this." Too much drink the night before was causing her head to pound. She wished she'd remembered to pack a draught for her hangover. The jostling of the train was making her ill.

"He's heartless, leaving you like that."

Mercifully, Remus interceded. "Things are never simple with Snape. Sasha knows that don't you Sasha?"

She rolled her eyes and shrugged. "I'm not sure what I know anymore. He's very frustrating."

"Go easy on him Sasha. He has a difficult road ahead." Good old Remus, he was so kind to people. Perhaps his furry little problem as James liked to call it inclined him to be less judgmental of others.

"Easy on him? After what he did?" Tonks interjected and sounded incredibly childish in Sasha's opinion.

"This is the last time I shall repeat myself, I don't want to talk about this." Sasha leaned against the window, stretched out her legs so no one could sit next to her and immersed herself in the paper. She spoke very little until they arrived at the burrow.

Molly and Arthur were warm hosts as the greeted their guests. Molly was a very expressive sort of mother who lived for her children's visits home. She was very different from Sasha's mother who treated her more like a younger sister. She made polite greetings to Molly, Arthur and the twins but once she was shown to her room, begged a headache and went to bed exhausted.

Sasha avoided everyone in the house as much as she could while sinking into a feeling of hopelessness. She spent her days walking through the snow-covered marshes in the biting cold wind and taking a succession of naps. Tonks continued to editorialize and felt she should get angry and do something rather than give into depression. Sasha however was terribly worried about Severus. Surely something dire must have happened or he wouldn't have left her alone after such a romantic moment. She wanted to contact him but knew all his communications were suspect and being monitored probably by both sides. This constant state of uncertainty was maddening. Desperately she hoped he would make the grand romantic gesture of stealing away to the burrow for a few precious moments together but logically, she knew better than to expect that. It was quite simply not his way.

Christmas Day was nearly unbearable. Molly was in the bag by noon and singing Hot Cauldron of Love, which was just downright embarrassing to all within earshot. Sasha couldn't help wondering whom she was singing about. Could she be missing Sirius? Fleur was prissing about picking everything to pieces with her nauseating accent. Tonks rolled her eyes and made faces behind her back much to the amusement of Ginny and Sasha. _Nothing worse than a Beauxbatons wi-atch_. Bill however was completely smitten. Watching them together made Sasha feel particularly lonely.

Being with Lupin made her feel closer to Sirius and she walked through the house looking for him so they could reminisce and toast to their departed friend. She found him vehemently arguing with Harry until he finally had enough and stalked into another room. Sasha went to the cabinet and poured two glasses of firewhiseky, then joined her old friend in the study.

"Everything alright Moony? That smacked of ugliness." She handed him the drink, which he seemed grateful for. She clinked her glass against his. "To Godric Griffyndor." This old toast earned a sad smile from him as they both recalled how Sirius loved to say this when he raised his glass.

"You know, Harry's exactly like James. Once he forms a negative opinion about someone his mind is completely poisoned against them. It clouds his ability to think clearly. Trust me, it will be his undoing one day, you mark my words."

"That certainly sounds like Prongs. I'm afraid the apple never falls far from the tree. What were you two arguing about?"

"It's nothing Sasha." Lupin took another swig and looked into his glass examining the color of the libation.

"It didn't sound like nothing. Come on Moony, we go back too far to keep secrets."

He eyed her appearing to weigh his response carefully. "It's about Severus."

For a moment his words immobilized her but then she recovered. "What about Severus? Is he alright?"

"When he left Slughorn's party Harry followed him and overheard him speaking to Draco in the corridors." He paused appearing unsure if he should continue.

"And?"

"They were arguing quite heatedly. Severus offered to help Draco which he refused."

"Help him with what?"

"Harry didn't know. Sasha, he overheard Severus telling Draco he'd made an unbreakable vow."

"Unbreakable vow?" Her hand flew to her mouth as she gasped. "To whom?"

"He didn't say."

"It has to be Cissy." She clenched her jaw as if she didn't want to let the words out lest by speaking them she make them true. How could he do this? How could he bind himself to Cissy after all that had happened between them?

"Do you know something about this?"

"I know Cissy's been writing to him. I've asked him what her letters were about but he's been evasive. Actually I caught him in a lie. I think they're sleeping together."

Remus snorted. "Ridiculous."

"Do you think? He's being evasive with me. Lucius is locked up in Azkaban and I know he's cheated on Cissy before so she might have no qualms about doing the same to him. She's lonely. Draco needs a father figure and she needs protection from the Dark Lord. Who better to …fulfill all her needs than Severus? So if he forsakes her, he'll die. And if he doesn't, my brother will kill him anyway. The wrath of the Dark Lord will look pretty good if Lucius gets hold of him." Her voice shook as the angry words spilled out of her.

Remus waved his hand dismissively at her and slouched back in his seat. "You're jealous and your reason is every bit as warped as Harry's."

"I know something is going on." She knocked her firewhiseky back in two gulps and relished the pain as it burned through her chest.

"None of us know anything. We're just hypothesizing. If you care for him why do you assume the worst of him?"

Sasha felt like her head was going to explode and couldn't listen anymore. Severus wrapped up in an unbreakable vow with Cissy. It was far worse than she imagined. She grabbed her coat and walked out to the moors. Finding her favorite rock, she sat down and hoped the stinging wind and cold would freeze her tears so she no longer had to cry them. She pulled her knees into her chest and stared across the landscape, wondering if he was with Cissy right now and what they were doing, and if he even gave their last moment together a second thought.

She stayed outside for several hours looking across the snow covered marshes and watching the birds. The fierce wind tore through her hair and made her cheeks sting as she watched the sun began to set. Her feet were going numb from the cold and she knew she should go back inside but she didn't want to face anyone. It would remind her of last Christmas Eve when he was with them.

Behind her, she heard the door open and shut and someone crunching through snow as they walked towards her. "It's freezing out here what are you doing? Looking for Heathcliff?" Leave it to Tonks to try and cheer her up; she was a good ally to have.

"Ah Heathcliff, another infamous romantic bastard driven insane by the memory of a dead woman. I guess that makes me the other one. Old what's her name, the girl Heathcliff takes it all out on that's so unmemorable I can't even remember her name."

"Bit melodramatic don't you think?" Tonks elbowed her playfully.

"No I do not. You're the one who brought up Heathcliff. Did you come out here for a reason or just to discuss great characters in English literature?"

"Actually I did. Molly needs us in the kitchen."

"Oh you're right, I've been a terrible house guest, not helping, thinking only of my own problems."

"She doesn't need kitchen help. She's an emotional wreck."

"Uh, oh. I think I know why." Sasha recalled Valentine's Day earlier that year as Sirius watched Molly with lovesick eyes. That had to be it.

"I think you're right. We've got to help her get it together before her family starts wondering."

"Absolutely." As they walked back to the house Sasha felt relieved to have something else to focus on rather than her own problems.

Molly was cooking furiously in the kitchen and looking very focused on arranging everything single-handedly as usual. "It's about time you came back inside Sasha. Freezing yourself to death won't do you or Severus any good."

"I know Molly. Sometimes I just need to clear my head. What can we help you with?"

"You can help me and clear your head by doing something productive for a change. Plates are in that hutch over there. You and Tonks get going on setting the table. It will do you good to take a break from fawning all over Remus, Tonks."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Tonks was suddenly offended.

Molly slammed a pan down on the table and glared at the two of them. "It means you two just can't keep pinning your hopes on these men who have massive psychological issues. Severus and Remus, neither of them are capable of clearing their heads enough to love someone. Always fighting, seeking the next adventure, putting themselves in harms way without a thought to how it distresses you. They'll do nothing but break your heart. Men like that will never be capable of committing themselves to you. They…" but she couldn't finish her sentence, as she was overcome by sobs. Sasha and Tonks each hugged one side of her but she quickly pushed them off and wiped her tears with her apron. "I'm fine! I'm sorry, It's just that it's Christmas and."

"Shh," Sasha said, "It's alright Molly. I miss him too. We all do."

"It wasn't like you think." Molly sobbed, "I would have never."

"Hush. Of course you wouldn't." Sasha rubbed her shoulder and tried to comfort her. "Neither would Sirius. He cared for you enough never to put you in that position."

"He was such a beautiful spirit." Her eyes closed and she began to become calmer.

"Too good for this world, but listen, the last thing he'd want is us to boo hoo in the kitchen on Christmas Day. He'd want us to take care of each other and be thankful for all that we have. For who we have."

Tonks put a hand on Molly's other shoulder. "And we have each other Molly."

A knock at the front door interrupted their conversation. Holiday merriment in the living room ceased and the three witches crept out of the kitchen with wands drawn. All wands were drawn in the living room as well and pointed at the entrance as Arthur slowly opened the door. A gale of wind whipped through the doorway and snow clouded the view of a tall dark imposing figure in the doorway. Sasha's heart leapt and she strained to see who it was and then heard a familiar voice.

"Good Evening, My name is Ivan Karkaroff. I've come to see Sasha Malfoy if she is here." Sasha forced a smile while her heart was sinking. Once again here was Ivan, showing up when Severus did not. He would presumably be saying things to her that Severus would not and giving her the time and attention that Severus was incapable of bestowing on her.

Tonks pinched Sasha's arm and whispered in her ear. "Just what the healer ordered."

"Ivan! What a wonderful surprise." Sasha crossed the room and greeted him with a warm hug.

He lifted her off the ground and whispered in her ear. "I couldn't stay away from you Detka. I'm so sorry I was just so envious." His accent was music to her ears today. She desperately needed someone to care about her, not needle her or offer advice, just to care. She brushed the snow from his Drumstrang red cloak and took his fur hat. He shook his hair sending snowflakes scattering. It seemed to happen in slow motion and Sasha thought he looked like he'd just stepped out of the holiday issue of Witch Weekly.

"Don't distress yourself further Ivan. I'm just glad you're here." She squeezed his hand, which made him smile broadly. She began polite introductions to everyone in the house.

Predictably the ladies admired him and blushed when they shook his hand. The men all eyed him with suspicion, particularly Lupin. "You must stay for dinner Ivan. I won't have it any other way." Molly insisted while beaming at Sasha.

"I would be honored to. Thank you Mrs. Weasley." He bowed slightly while never taking his eyes off Sasha.

"Oh pishaw! Call me Molly!" Tonks caught Sasha's eye and giggled.

Dinner was an interesting affair for Sasha as she assessed everyone's reactions to Ivan. Lupin and Arthur made little effort to engage him as they had Severus last year. If he wasn't so charmingly arrogant she might feel bad about that, but he could take it. The women were polite but reserved while they studied his chiseled features. He did however seem to hit it off with the twins as they shared quidditch stories and Ivan told them tales of his most recent travels. They seemed to appreciate each other's humor.

After dinner they gathered around the fire and Sasha tuned everyone out as she sadly remembered last Christmas with Sirius, Severus and stories of the Yule Ball from years past. Ivan sat next to her by the window not saying much as he lovingly stroked her hand while stealing glances at her. He was uncharacteristically serious tonight and appeared to have something weighing heavily on his mind.

Arthur had been missing from the scene for some time, which was a good thing. Molly's buzz had leveled off but she was still singing "Hot Cauldron of Love" which was just awkward. Sasha would have attempted to stop her but it appeared to annoy Fleur so she let her go with it. Finally Arthur rejoined the room and Molly abruptly got her act together.

She touched his shoulder lovingly. "What's been keeping you sweetheart?"

"Oh, just chatting through the fire with Dumbledore. He sends his love to everyone."

"What's the latest news Arthur?" Sasha asked. She could see him weighing his response as he looked at Ivan. No doubt he was wondering how much he should say in front of an outsider.

"Not much. He was checking in with everyone and passing along Christmas wishes." Then a rotten look crossed his face. "He mentioned that Professor Snape was at Malfoy Manor and wondering if you would be attending the annual New Years Eve ball with him there this year Sasha."

"You're mistaken Arthur. Severus went to his family home at Spinner's End."

"No he didn't. He escorted Draco home and was invited to stay for the holidays. Didn't he tell you?"

Harry met her eyes intently as if to say 'take that.'

"Oh," she was stunned and felt Ivan squeeze her hand, which she thought was a terribly sweet gesture considering the circumstances.

Ivan rolled his eyes and seemed to feel protective of her. "If you ask me,"

"No one asked you." Remus cut him off.

The combination of the revelation of Severus at Malfoy Manor and Remus starting in on Ivan was too much. Her heart began to pound and she felt her cheeks burning. All eyes were on her presumably waiting for her implosion and she had to get out of there. "Excuse me. I think I need some air." Sasha quickly grabbed her coat and headed for the door without a word to Ivan. He however was undeterred and followed her after a decent interval. He found her sitting on an ornately carved garden bench in the back yard.

"Stargazing? It's a favorite pastime of mine. Mind if I join you?"

"No. Please do." She moved over to give him room but he sat down very close to her and wrapped her up in his red wool cape with him.

"Warmer?"

"Much. You're always so thoughtful Ivan."

"My thoughts are always of you." He rested his chin on her shoulder.

"And always smooth. You know I think your English is improving. You don't sound like you just fell off the boat anymore."

He laughed softly. "I hired an instructor. I've been practicing."

"It shows. You can do anything you want as long as you practice." Her words reminded her once again of Severus, of his advice.

"Thank you for seeing me today Sasha. I was afraid you wouldn't after the way I acted. I'm afraid I have a bit of a temper and it doesn't always serve me well."

"I'm the one who should apologize Ivan. I changed our plans at the last minute. It was very inconsiderate of me and you were justified in your anger."

"Alright," he said with a good-natured smirk. "But I'm still sorry for uninviting you. I woke up this morning with a dreadfully empty feeling. You weren't there and it was my own doing. I had to see you and tell you I'm sorry."

Sasha sighed and thought it had been a long time since anyone was so good to her. "I'm sorry Remus was rude to you. Ivan Karkaroff you are a wonderful man. Do you know that?"

His face suddenly looked jubilant. "You think so?"

"I know so."

"Good, because I have something to ask you."

"Do you want me to spend the rest of the holidays with you?" She was ready to enjoy time with Ivan and get back at Severus. However she wasn't ready for what he said next.

"I want you to spend the rest of your life with me." He got down on one knee reached into his pocket and produced a diamond ring that was at least three karats.

"Oh my word Ivan." Sasha's hand was shaking as he slipped the ring on her finger. She instinctively looked at it with her Malfoy eye but it was too dark outside to see a flaw. Then she remembered how he'd smirked the last time she did that and resolved to give it a close inspection when she was alone.

"Please say yes Sasha." The pleading tone of his voice was heartbreaking. "You were meant to be a Karkaroff. Igor loved you and now I do. Our pureblood families have been the finest in the world for generations. Their alignment is inevitable. The time is now." He caressed her hand and kissed it.

"Ivan, I'm afraid my family name is disgraced these days. I was sacked after Diggory's death last year and crucified in the press. Now Lucius is locked away in Azkaban. We're a bad lot."

"Minor scandals. They always blow over." He brushed his lips gently against her hand again before immersing himself in her eyes. "Say yes."

She was desperately searching for a way out without saying no to him. She didn't want to say yes if there was a chance in hell with Severus. But if there wasn't she selfishly wanted to run far away with Ivan and forget everything and everyone. "Lucius is just like father. He will never consent to my marrying a foreigner."

"I'll speak to him. It will be fine trust me." He caressed her cheek. "I don't want you to worry about anything anymore."

"Ivan this is awfully sudden."

He smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "I do not believe in wasting time."

"So I gathered."

"Why wait? I love you."

It pained Sasha to say it, but she felt she had to. "But I don't love you Ivan."

Surprisingly, he was not deterred in the least. "You will though. You already like me quite a bit. Am I right?"

"Yes." She giggled as thought he was even cockier than his older brother. "Yes Ivan, I like you very much."

"And you have fun with me." He kissed her lips softly. "I don't play cruel games with your mind."

"Right on both."

"Could you ever love me?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

He smirked but his eyes were kind. "I love an honest woman. Detka I know you're conflicted and I'm willing to wait for your answer." Gently he took her cheeks in his hands and indulged himself with a prolonged luxurious kiss. Despite her reservations, she felt herself slowly melting into him as she kissed him back and enjoyed the heat of his body. "Just let me ask you, how long have you been waiting for Severus Snape to get his head out of his arse?" She looked down avoiding his eyes. "Twenty years? Can you wait twenty more? You could spend the next twenty years with me. I'm rich, we're both pureblood so Voldemort will leave us alone if we stay away from him." His fingers traced her hairline. "We would live on my estate, raise a family. I'll spoil you Sasha. This is what you were meant for."

"You're very persuasive Ivan. I just don't know."

Suddenly the passion in his voice emerged. "Sasha the hell with him! Forget him. He's a Death Eater. No one ever truly walks away from that. Look what happened to Igor, Regulas, your brother is in Azkaban. If you're with him you stand at the gates of hell. He can't even be trusted. He's balling your sister in law right now." She stiffened and glared daggers at him. He sighed and his voice softened as he took her hand. "Don't look at me like that, you're thinking the same thing. My point is he's already lying to you. You can't trust him. Forget him. I'm right here, right now and ready to give you everything."

His words echoed in her head. She gazed up at the stars and wondered what Severus was doing at Malfoy Manor right then. Probably drinking champagne in the master bedroom with her elegant and lonely sister in law. As if this wasn't enough of a horrible thought, she suddenly thought of Lucius, alone and missing his family on Christmas. She broke down in sobs and Ivan immediately pulled her to his massive chest. "It's going to get better Sasha. You'll see. I'll fix it. I'll make everything better."

"I don't know if you can Ivan." She clung to him and cried while thinking he deserved a better response than this to his lovely proposal. Ivan was a good man and deserved a whole person.

He kissed her forehead and took out his handkerchief to wipe her tears. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to make you cry. You don't have to answer me tonight. Just tell me you'll carefully consider it."

"I will carefully consider it Ivan."

_AN: I'm forever team Severus but who wouldn't want a guy like Ivan? Yum. _

_Now we know where our hero is. Whatever could he be doing? Thanks for your kind reviews and also to Davey for catching my oops in the last chap. Love to hear from you all!_


	57. Chapter 56 Christmas at Malfoy Manor

CHAPTER 56

_AN: The moment of truth is quickly approaching. Will he or won't he? Meanwhile back at the ranch….._

Christmas at Malfoy Manor

After what in his opinion was an overly elaborate dinner, Severus extracted himself from Narcissa and her guests and walked aimlessly around Malfoy Manor. He knew he wouldn't find what he was looking for. There was no chance Sasha would come here after what happened last time. While he was glad that she would have the good sense to stay away, physically he ached for her.

He understood why she never liked to be here. This place was like a gilded prison. The house was filled with Death Eaters and he was constantly on his guard. He certainly didn't want to be here for Christmas with the endless gatherings and constant supervision of Draco. The young man was becoming increasingly erratic and after his sloppy performance at Slughorn's party, Severus knew he must keep a closer eye on him in order to fulfill his vow. He brought the boy home that very night and as a result sacrificed what could have been a wonderous night with Sasha. What must she think of him now? He was nervous about facing her when they returned for start of term. She already thought he was sleeping with Narcissa, and this would surely add fuel to the fire.

He ascended the long marble staircase and decided to search for her bedroom. Through an open door he caught sight of a Gryffindor crest on a wall, which was obviously the room he was looking for. The shelves were lined with photographs in expensive looking silver frames. Prominatly displayed was a photo of one of her quidditch cup winning Gryffindor teams, several of those pictures actually. There was one of Sasha second year in her quidditch robes walking off the pitch scowling while Regs and Lucius each had an arm around her smiling deviously. He remembered that day. Her house had just lost to Slytherin and she was livid, and also exciting when she was angry. A picture of a young Igor Karkaroff tickling her while she laughed and tried to stop him before they both looked at the camera and smiled. He loathed that picture and turned it to face the wall. There was a picture of Severus hanging around in the courtyard with his gang of Slytherins; Regulus had his arm around his friend. A bit of the flesh on his forearm was exposed and it was apparent that they hadn't yet taken the dark mark. There was still hope for them when the picture was taken. They were so foolish.

He moved around the looking at the books on her shelf. She actually had an impressive collection of potions books. He was surprised that she would be interested in something so complicated, particularly something she had no talent for. He sat at her writing desk and absentmindedly opened the drawer. A stack of letters addressed to her was inside. Although he knew it wasn't right, he couldn't stop himself from looking through them. The first one on the stack caught his attention immediately because it was in Lily's unforgettable script. What could they be conversing about?

Dear Sasha,

Sirius let it slip that James has been trying to convince you to reconsider your decision not to attend our wedding. I'm writing to tell you I don't want you to come. These are dangerous times we live in and I'm choosing to surround myself with only those people who are loyal to our cause. Your neutrality disgusts me.

I understand your family situation but you do them no favors by not making a stand. I know Lucius is your brother and Regulas you cousin but Sirius isn't afraid to stand up to them. I thought you were a better person. However you know how vile my sister is, and I haven't abandoned her. So I could almost excuse you for that.

Your blind loyalty to Severus is another matter. What a disappointment he turned out to be. Honestly I have no idea what you see in him. As if his appearance and background aren't enough to drive a snob like you away, now he's joined the enemy. James and Sirius were right about him. He doesn't care about anything but power and control. He'll never be capable of anything else. If you're too blind to see that, then you're on a path to destruction. Stay away from us.

Lily

Severus was stunned seeing Lily's harsh words on the parchment. She called him a disappointment. Sasha had lost friends over her loyalty to him. He had no idea. Surely she would have saved happier letters than this. He opened the next letter on Ministry stationary.

Sasha,

Thank you for your character reference for Severus Snape. You obviously hold him in high regard and your firm faith in a friend is admirable. I will give your request to acquit him special attention.

I deeply regret that it didn't work out with you and Barty. You would have been a ray of light in his life. I hope you find happiness elsewhere. I hear you've accepted a position in Salem. Best of Luck!

Barty Crouch Sr.

He knew a handful of people had written the ministry on his behalf. He didn't know Sasha had exploited the relationship with Barty Sr. to help exonerate him. Why didn't she tell him? The next letter was on Drumstrang stationary.

My Dearest Sasha,

Please, please answer my owls. I know you've received them. Your silence is torture. You must be horribly disappointed in me particularly for what I had to do to get out of Azkaban. I know you're angry at me for telling them about your friend Severus. I regret that it came to that. Sasha please know I did it for you. For us. I love you. Please forgive me. I would do anything to make you happy.

Your devoted servant,

Igor

P.S. I'll never give up the dream of you in my life.

He almost felt bad for Karkaroff. He truly loved Sasha. Now he was cold in the grave and she was fooling around snogging his little brother. Life was unfair. He recognized his own hand on the next letter but didn't' remember writing to her.

Sasha,

Do not contact me again. I don't know how much more I can dumb this down for you but there isn't enough distance in this world to put me as far away from you as I want to be. Get this through that pretty little head of yours, I want nothing to do with you.

SS

His heart sank as he read his own cruel words. How could he have been so unfeeling? He remembered it now. She had been writing to him once a week, just friendly letters with no declarations. She was merely a concerned friend wanting to keep in touch and look how he had repaid her. Shameful. It made him cringe. The next two letters were on Malfoy stationary.

My Dearest Sasha,

Darling please come home. You're father is very ill. There are so many things he wants to say to you before it's too late. Darco is almost five now and barely knows his Auntie Sasha. Please, you can't run away from a broken heart forever. Remember, your family still loves you. Isn't that something?

Much love,

Mother

Sasha,

What is wrong with you? Our father is at death's door and not a word from you. It's time you put away your childish ideas of what you think your life should have been and faced reality. If I don't hear from you soon I'm coming to get you myself.

Lucius

She had run far away. She ran to get away from him and stayed away even when her family needed her desperately. His heart hurt. The next letter was on Hogwarts stationary and he hoped it was not another nasty gram from him.

1/10/1993

Sasha,

It was delightful to hear from you again. You were one of my favorites and always a help keeping your cousin Sirius and his friends in line. That was no easy task.

To answer your question, Severus is the same as always. Here we are many years later and still he remains broken hearted and bitter. Yes he's eating and working diligently as he always does. Yes his mind is sharp and he is active. However he lives what I fear to be a lonely existence and I wish better for him. I'm sorry for his reaction to your birthday wishes, but try not to take it personally. I'm sure deep down he appreciates that you remembered him.

I hear you are working with the International Games Committee. Perhaps our paths will cross again one day.

Albus

"Sasha." He sighed throwing the letters back in the desk and slamming the drawer shut. He paced across the room and flopped down on her bed with his hands covering his face. Her scent was on the sheets and he picked up a pillow and smothered himself in it basking in the sense memory of her. He missed her so much in that moment he felt physical pain. No one had ever loved him as she had. When he returned to Hogwarts things would be different. I would be impossible to go forward without her. If he thought he could get away without being detected by the Death Eaters he would have gone to see her immediately. But it was not to be. He was trapped.

He knew he shouldn't continue to snoop but he couldn't help nosing through her record collection. What was she listening to the last time she was here? There was a record on the phonograph with an empty cover close by. Paul McCartney. He didn't follow muggle music but you couldn't be a child in the sixties and seventies and not know who McCartney was. He put the needle on the record and listened.

Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time

Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you  
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pull me out of time  
hung me on the line  
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you

Maybe I'm a man,  
Maybe I'm a lonely man who's in the middle of something  
that he doesn't really understand

Maybe I'm a man  
Maybe you're the only woman who can ever help me  
baby, won't you help me to understand

Maybe I'm amazed at the way you're with me all the time  
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I'll leave you  
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you help me sing my song  
right me when I'm wrong

Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you

"My sister in law is beautiful isn't she?"

Severus jumped as if he'd been caught doing something wrong. "It is generally acknowledged that she is." He looked at the picture of her with Lucius and Regs.

Narcissa strolled seductively into the room. "You made a very striking couple last New Years Eve. I thought things might progress this year with both of you teaching at Hogwarts. I assume they have not since you are here alone."

"There was nothing going on that would progress. We are merely colleagues."

"Whatever you say Severus." She smirked lazily. "Tell me is she seeing anyone?"

Why was she leading him into such painful topics? He was doing her a favor after all. Keeping his face and tone of voice neutral was increasingly difficult when the subject was Sasha. "She's been seeing Ivan Karkaroff, Igor's younger brother."

"Ooooh. Yes I know Ivan." Her tone told him she found this impressive, which made him feel less worthy. "Good show Sasha, he's quite a catch. Are things serious?"

"I believe Mr. Karkaroff is quite serious about her. You know Sasha, she seems to have a fear of commitment."

"No she doesn't, she just waiting for the right man to ask for a commitment." Narcissa smiled at him but he avoided her eyes and looked back at Sasha's picture.

"She thinks you and I are sleeping together."

Narcissa laughed. "Oh! Goodness! What gave her that idea?"

"She's seen me reading letters on your stationary. Since I haven't been able to produce a plausible excuse, she assumes I'm filling in for Lucius while he is in prison."

"I'm sorry Severus. You're being so good to my family and it's putting you in an awkward situation. I'm shocked she would think that of me. Of either of us."

"Most people always believe the worst where I'm concerned."

"Severus, nothing could be further from the truth. She adores you and always has." She sat down beside him. "Do you know since she and Barty broke up she's been proposed to three times and turned them all down. It's because she's in love with you."

"You know nothing."

"She's family. I know everything." She turned to leave him. "You may sleep in this room tonight if you wish."

Severus stayed in Sasha's room that night but sleep did not come. He tossed and turned and played the majority of her record collection but he was in torment and the smell of her on the pillow was heart wrenching. He would have given anything to have her in his arms. He knew this feeling, it was trouble. He had it bad.

Mercifully, morning finally came. He took tea in the study and distracted himself with Lucius' extensive library. By the afternoon, he was hungry and in desperate need of more tea to make it through the day. He went into the dining room where lunch was about to be served. Much to his dismay, Crabbe was already there gorging himself. Crabbe and Goyle were supposed to be staking out the Order over the holidays so Severus seized his opportunity to get information on Sasha's activities. Before he could begin, Narcissa breezed into the room removing her coat and throwing it carelessly over the shoulder of a passing house elf.

"How is surveillance on the burrow going Crabbe? Anything of interest?"

"Nothing much. They seem to be laying low. A few visitors. Karkaroff's brother was there. Looking very cozy with your sister in law Narcissa. You didn't tell us about him."

She briefly glanced at Severus but her face betrayed nothing. "We are not in contact any longer. I had no idea."

What a slimy creep that Ivan was, swooping in the minute Sasha was away from him. It was too much to take, he couldn't be away from her for one more minute. "The Dark Lord is well aware of Ivan Karkaroff as I have passed the information to him. He is harmless. If you will excuse me. I must return to Hogwarts today. There is much to do to prepare for start of term." Severus excused himself and went upstairs to pack. He shook with frustration. He'd been stuck in this gilded cage while Ivan had Sasha to himself. Well at least after their last interlude her mind would be on him and not his competition.

Narcissa entered his room without knocking. "Severus, I received a letter from Lucius this morning."

Severus barely acknowledged her and continued to pack. "Oh, how is he doing?"

She shut the door behind her but spoke only in a whisper. "He had a visitor very late last night. Ivan Karkaroff."

"Ivan Karkaroff?" He spun around and spat the name out.

"I'm sorry Severus, he came to ask Lucius for Sasha's hand."

Severus felt his blood go cold and for a moment could not respond. "What did he tell him?"

"Lucius gave his consent."

His face betrayed nothing but his normally well-ordered mind was thrown in to complete disarray. "I have to go."


	58. Chapter 57 The Breaking Point

CHPATER FIFTY-SEVEN

The Breaking Point

Ivan regretfully left Sasha shortly after his proposal to attend to some urgent business but they made plans to celebrate New Years Eve together at The Three Broomsticks. She didn't tell anyone about his proposal. Gossip, advice and judgment were all things she wished to avoid. It should have been a very happy time for her but she was heartsick over Severus and Cissy. Unfathomable as their betrayal was she still had to see her dearest just one last time. If everything she suspected were true, she wanted to hear it from his lips. Would he care at all that she would marry Ivan? This was something she must know before she gave her answer and sealed her fate.

Severus was a bundle of nervous energy for days as he waited at the castle for Sasha. He chose to lay in wait for her there rather than see her under the scrutiny of the burrow occupants while they passed judgments and made assumptions. Surely after all this time, after all these years of loving him, she would not fail him just when he was beginning to come to terms with his feelings for her. Lucius may have given his blessing, but that didn't mean her answer would be yes. It couldn't be. Not when he needed her most. Surely she still loved him. He knew she did. How he had managed to get himself so entangled with this exquisite temptress was a mystery, but there was no turning back now.

Sasha arrived at the castle on New Years Eve and was agitated as she unpacked her belongings in her quarters. It was silly to unpack, she would probably be leaving soon to go to Russia with Ivan and begin her new life provided Albus could fill her position quickly. However she was jumpy and desperately needed something to occupy her hands. When she finished getting her quarters back in order, she went to her classroom to prepare for start of term, which would be upon her in a few short days. There was much work to be done and she was thankful to have something to focus on. She worked throughout the day and was finishing up as the sun began to set.

Severus happened to be passing the classroom and noticed her door open. His heart leapt as he entered the room. She was dressed in conservative black robes, which accentuated her delicate fairness. Golden hair cascaded over her shoulders and she wore small spectacles with black frames that he found strangely attractive. "Sasha, I had no idea you were back. You didn't come see me. How was your holiday?" He smiled broadly and crossed the room anticipating her warm embrace. He was however disappointed.

"Dismal." She slapped her book shut pushed past him and marched to the shelf to put it away. "Between Fleur picking everything to pieces, Molly half in the bag singing Hot Cauldan of Love and Tonks and Remus making out in the closet, well let's just say it sucked. Thanks for asking." Her words flowed hot and quickly as they always did when she was angry. He knew he was about to be chastised for something he just didn't know what.

"Language, Sasha."

"Pfft." She snorted. "You sound like Lucius. No doubt some affected cadence that you picked up in hopes of impressing your new mistress. Piss off. Anyway it was a nightmare. I knew I should have gone to New York. How was Malfoy Manor? Is Cissy's hospitality still _legendary_?"

There it was. He knew by the way she drug out her last word that this was not going to end well. "Sasha I was going to tell you." It was shocking how quickly she could put him on the defensive.

"But you just didn't did you?" Her eyes were open wide making her look slightly crazed.

"It was very sudden." He shrugged his shoulders in an attempt to trivialize the matter.

"So sudden that you couldn't say goodbye, leave a note, or even let me know you were alright? You disgust me. My poor brother." The burning anger flowed out of her like hot lava and seared his heart as he realized his worst fears were coming true.

"I've told you it's not like that." He was stuttering.

"Then what's it like?"

"Sasha I can not tell you. One day I will but right now I cannot. I just need you to have a little faith in me."

"Severus, do you know what?" She rolled her eyes and attacked him again. "I'm done with all of this. The back and forth. You want me then you don't. Now your screwing my brother's wife while he's in Azkaban. While he's rotting in prison all alone and friendless. You're a selfish bastard. I can't handle it anymore." Her words were harsh but he noticed her bottom lip quivering.

"I've told you I'm not sleeping with Narcissa. I suppose it all must seem rather complex." He reached for her hand but she pulled away before he could touch her.

"Contrary to what you may think I'm quite capable of understanding complex issues. I however think you over complicate things when you don't know your own heart. You make everyone around you miserable but you're too self involved to notice. I'm not going to do this anymore." She waved her hands in the air as she spoke and something shiny caught his eye.

He became immediately fixated on it. He grabbed her left wrist in mid air and the smack of flesh on flesh cracked through the room. He was horrified by what he saw. How could she accept this vulgar ring from this infant and how dare she stand there waving it in his face. His grip was like a vice on her wrist and he noticed her fight the urge to wince. He loved it when she was defiant. It got him hot.

His eyes were ablaze with anger and when he spoke it was with a deadly slowness. "What is this on your hand?"

"A ring."

"Yes I see that. Is it from Ivan?" She tried to pull away but his grip remained firm around her wrist as his blood burned through his veins.

"He came to the burrow. He said Christmas was lonely without me."

"Charming." His haughty expression and tone were now his last defense. "And he obviously asked you to marry him?"

"Yes." Severus felt all the blood drain from his face and into his shoes on hearing her confirmation of what he knew.

"And you said yes." He growled.

"I haven't given him my answer yet."

"Sasha I forbid you to marry him." His words sounded like an order rather than a plea.

"Forbid me? You don't have the standing to forbid me to do anything. I can and will marry him unless you will please give me one reason why I should not."

He was losing his nerve. He didn't know what to say to her. "It's not safe." He released her hand and paced away looking out the window.

She rolled her eyes with an exasperated sigh. "I disagree. The Karkaroffs have remained neutral and they are far away from all this mess."

He whirled around on her, completely furious. "Open your eyes Sasha! If the Dark Lord wins neutrality will not be an option. Your name is Malfoy and you will pay for your brother's failures eventually. If you attach Karkaroff to your name you will move yourself to the top of the list. Ivan may have you fooled with his cocky bravado but mark my words he will be no match for the Death Eaters. They will chew him up and spit him out."

"Rubbish! Is that the best thing you can come up with? If so I'm going to tell him yes." She looked intently into his eyes. "Do you have a problem with that Severus?"

He didn't answer but turned to look out the window again. _What's the matter with me?_

"Well do you?" He did not respond and she unleashed her fury. "Answer me!" She screamed at him.

"No." Finally came his flat reply.

"No? Severus, I'm going to spend the rest of my life with Ivan. You're okay with that?"

"It doesn't matter what I want." He shook his head. "It's whatever you want."

"What does that mean? That's you're answer?"

His temper got the better of him once again. "Expecting another one?" His tone was as snotty as ever as he just wanted this hell to end.

Still she could not let go of him and desperately adjusted her strategy. "Can you at least tell me what's happening with Cissy?"

He said nothing.

"I know you've made an unbreakable vow. You chose to bind yourself to her in that manner under the promise of death if you break your vow, and you have nothing to say to me about that?"

"It does not concern you."

"No, I suppose it does not. Then if you will excuse me I'm going to The Three Broomsticks to meet my fiancé." She walked slowly to the door and put on her coat. "Coward." She said softly as she headed out to meet or rather face Ivan. Her jaw clenched tightly as she defied the tears to fall. She would not meet Ivan with tears and regret. Her path was chosen for her and this time she would embrace it. Ivan was her last hope for love and happiness perhaps she might love him eventually.

As arranged, Sasha met Ivan in front of The Three Broomsticks. She had no idea Severus was following her, nor how devastated and desperate he felt. Standing outside in dark gray robes with the breeze in his lush black hair, Ivan looked every inch the knight in shining armor but also grave and anxious.

"Good evening Ivan." She forced a smile at him. Her mother called this "fake it till you make it." He took her hand and kissed it then looked up with his soulful Slavic eyes.

"Have you decided my love?"

"Yes Ivan, I will marry you."

'Ha!" He swept her up in his arms lifting her feet off the ground and spun her around. "It's going to be wonderful Sasha. We'll have a huge wedding and I'll take you away for a romantic honeymoon someplace beautiful." He kissed her possessively and gently set her down. Sexual urgency was evident in his kiss as he began tangling his fingers in her hair. He groaned as she forced herself to kiss him back as would now be her duty.  
"You're finally mine. I am one happy man Sasha Malfoy."

"I want to make you happy Ivan." She really did. He deserved happiness as much as anyone.

"I want to make you love me Sasha. I know you don't now, but give us time. We'll have a wonderful life together, you'll see. I promise you."

"I know we will." A pang of disloyalty to Igor nagged at her, as if she needed more emotional factors coming into play. They had been so close for so many years and she had refused him forever. Now here she was engaged to his little brother and he hadn't been dead a year. If Igor had asked her to escape with him she may have said yes. Perhaps if he had taken her away, she wouldn't care about Severus any longer. She didn't love Igor in the way he desired either but he was her old friend and they understood each other. Ivan was a stranger. She wondered what Lucius would think.

"I'll have to write Lucius tomorrow and tell him everything."

"I've already spoken to him."

"What? When?"

"You don't think I'd be so tactless as to not ask permission? I still have connections in Azkaban from when Igor was imprisoned."

"Oh, they haven't let anyone see him. How is he?"

"He's lonely, bored, but they are treating Death Eaters better these days. Don't you want to know what he said?"

"Of course."

"He said you were a handful." Ivan grinned mischievously at her. "He said if I could persuade you to have me he would be shocked."

"Ha! Yes that sounds like him."

"He said that you were outspoken and if I wanted a mousy little thing to take orders you weren't the girl for me."

"He's not exactly extolling my virtues." She was actually glad to hear his words; so glad Ivan had made the effort for her. His relationship with her family was important to him and he was willing to work on it.

"He said we have his blessing and he hopes we will be very happy together. It is giving him something to look forward to."

This made her smile. "Was he pleased? Did he like you?"

"I think so." He laughed and pulled her closer. "I look less ethnic than Igor, he was never much for blending in. So it probably makes it easier for him to overcome the prejudices about foreigners. He knows my bloodline and finances are solid. We're both businessmen and have much in common. I think we'll hit it off once he gets out and it would be good to have a brother again."

_Severus wouldn't have done that. He wouldn't have gone to see him at all and if he did he'd act snarky, announce his plans and if anyone didn't like it they could lump it. _What was wrong with her? This man was wonderful even Lucius liked him and he disliked everyone. If she couldn't get lost in his eyes and forget Sev, it wasn't possible. He was good to her and it was time she started being good to him as well. "You're incredible Ivan." She gave him a hug and a soft kiss on his full lips. It was the first time she had kissed him first. His lips curved into a smile as she pulled away. "Let's get inside and celebrate Mrs. Karkaroff." Being called Mrs. Karkaroff startled her but she decided she would have to get used to it.

Severus stalked her into the village. He had to see them together. If it was real, if she truly loved him, the right thing to do was to let her go, but he had always been possessive, territorial in nature, that might not be possible. How could she do this? How could she just walk away from him? Didn't she understand that he couldn't tell her everything? No, she probably did not. She saw everything in black and white, no shades of gray. They had never actually had a rational conversation about it. She was always half mad with rage. How could she be so passionately jealous of Narcissa and at the same time walk away from him and into the arms of another man? How could he have finally lost her trust? He felt like an idiot.

He watched them outside the pub. Ivan looked like a bashful schoolboy. How nauseating. Then he looked excited and lifted her off her feet spinning her around before setting her down and indulging his urges in a long and passionate kiss. It was obvious she had given her answer. Severus tightened his grip on his wand as a dozen different dark hexes crossed his mind. The moment Sasha was a safe distance away he would strike. Then she kissed him. She initiated it. Severus felt his heart rip in two. How could this be happening to him again?

They entered the pub and he stormed after them. He wasn't sure what he was going to do, and felt quite mad with rage. He noticed a vagrant in the alley and got an idea. He used his wand to extract a strand of hair from the vagrant's head and added it to a vile of polyjuice potion that he always kept on his person. The potion began to froth into a murky brown color resembling the vagrant's hair. He gunned it down and his body began to morph into an exact clone of the bum in the alley. When he was completely transformed, he surveyed himself; he was a better-dressed version of the man on the ground.

The Three Broomsticks was noisy and crowded with people ready to celebrate the coming of another year. Ivan led Sasha to a reserved table where Tonks and Remus were seated. "I hope you don't' mind my asking them to join us. Lupin doesn't like me. I want to work on him a bit."

"I don't mind Ivan. That's very considerate of you." _Severus wouldn't have done that either. Severus would have told him to bugger off home. He would have said in his snottiest voice, "I do not require you approval Lupin. Perhaps you should take a walk in the moonlight." Surly bastard._

"Good Evening Sasha, Ivan." Lupin's manners were perfect but his judgmental eyes were already putting heat on Sasha. Tonks however was supportive and embraced both of them. Ivan immediately ordered the most expensive bottle of champagne in the house. "That's rather extravagant even for New Years Eve." Lupin scowled at him.

"We are celebrating a momentous occasion tonight." Ivan put his arm around Sasha and looked to her to make the announcement.

She swallowed hard not sure she could say this out loud. She forced a smile and plunged right in. "Ivan and I are engaged."

Severus entered the establishment and went to the bar to order a very stout drink. He had avoided spirits since the Dark Lord returned but tonight he was in desperate need of a bracer. Mme Rosmerta was not happy to see him in the least. "Willoby! I thought I told you not to bring your worthless carcass in here until you paid your tab!"

Severus tried to disguise his voice and kept it a low raspy whisper. "How much?"

"$100 galleons."

"Highway robbery," He grunted throwing the exorbitant sum on the bar. It figured he would pick a deadbeat for this project. "Firewhiseky."

She took the money and handed him the drink. He saw Sasha and Ivan across the room at a table with Lupin and Tonks. He took a nearby seat so he could observe.

Sasha downed the champagne keeping pace with Ivan and trying to block out her encounter with Severus earlier. There was no use dwelling on it now, she would go forward as Mrs. Ivan Karkaroff. Sasha Karkaroff, wouldn't Igor have had something to say about that. Actually more than Severus did probably. The more champagne she drank the easier it was to forget about Severus and enjoy Ivan's attentions and increasingly intimate flirtations. He always had at least one hand on her and continued to order bottle after bottle of champagne. "Ivan I think we should ease up on the champagne. I'm quite over the moon."

"I'm going to get you…." He hesitated. His newly refined English was fading away as he continued to drink. "p'yan v stel'ku." He giggled and kissed her playfully on her neck. "I'll be right back, detka." He left the table presumably to hit the loo.

Tonks smiled broadly at Sasha. "He's too much Sash. What does detka mean?"

"I have no idea." She slurred. "It might mean fat bitch for all I know but it sounds really sexy when he says it." They collapsed on each other laughing loudly and not noticing the polyjuiced Severus watching them.

Lupin who had not been drinking was annoyed with the lot of them. "Sasha his English is laughable and you don't even speak Russian."

"Yes but he's a very cunning linguist." Sasha and Tonks fell against each other as they exploded with laughter once again.

Lupin eyed the man sitting alone nearby and noticed his knuckles turning white as he gripped his glass. "This conversation is getting a little thick for me. If you'll excuse me I see an old friend." He approached the solitary man nearby.

"Good evening Severus. Mind if I join you?"

His eyes shifted but otherwise he did not react. "How did you know?"

"Number one, I stepped over Mr. Willoby in the alley on my way in. Number two, you keep looking at Sasha."

"Lot's of men look at Sasha."

"Yes but Mr. Willoby is a homosexual."

"Oh"

"Yes, oh. That was a glaring error my friend. She's causing your judgment to lapse."

"Well perhaps Mr. Willoby was looking at you."

"Don't change the subject. This is a rather elaborate disguise for an evening out. What are you up to?"

"Mind your own business Moony."

"Spying on Sasha is my guess. Did you know they are engaged?"

"She told me this afternoon."

"And how did you respond?"

"I offered to be the flower girl."

"So this is a big joke to you? Well no wonder she's with Ivan. She was never one for head games."

Severus tuned him out as he watched Ivan return to their table and pull her to an area of the pub that had been converted into a dance floor for the evening. The cheesiest 70's ballad was blasting as he watched them sway to the music. Their foreheads touched as he sang to her playfully, "You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you."

"Merlin's Beard is this the corniest song you've ever heard?" Tonks said pulling a chair up to their table.

"I can't believe it's still in the jukebox." Lupin planned his words to deliberately provoke Severus into reacting. "James would play this for Lily every time we would come here." With that, Severus stood up quickly and with such force he knocked the table over sending crashing glass across the floor. He marched out of the pub as Mme Rosemerta yelled after him. "You'll pay for that Willoby!"

_AN: Broken yet Severus? Rock bottom? Feeling miserable? You should. Now whatareyagonnadoaboutit?_


	59. Chapter 58 Better than Veritiserum

CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT

Better than veritiserum

Severus stood alone at his potions work table methodically stirring a cauldron of wolfsbane. He had thrown himself into a project the minute he returned in an unsuccessful effort to take his ravaged mind off Sasha. The familiarity of brewing potions was comforting. It was always the same predictable, reliable, safe. He was in anguish after seeing Sasha and Ivan the Terrible together. She looked happier than he had ever seen her, certainly happier than he could ever hope to make her. Ivan was younger and richer, two things he couldn't compete with. He had no right to her, no claims on her, but he just felt devastated and abandoned. How could he have let this wonderful creature slip through his fingers? His second chance at happiness was gone. He looked up on his shelf and gazed at the picture of them she gave him for his birthday. There would be no more thoughtful presents or sweet surprises. Ivan would certainly not allow presents or their friendship to continue. He would whisk her away to Russia and Severus would spend every occasion of his life from tonight on, alone.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the light in her quarters come on. He walked over to the window for one last glimpse of her and felt physically ill upon seeing her. Ivan had returned with her and was wasting no time seducing her. His hands moved rapidly over her body and she closed her eyes as he kissed her neck while fondling her breast. Severus violently jerked himself away and walked back to his potions table. He stood over the cauldron but couldn't resume his work. Every muscle in his body was so rigid it hurt. If he thought about it, he could probably count on one hand the number of times he had cried in his lifetime. Once as a five-year-old child as he watched his father beat his mother. Three times over Lily. He was gritting his teeth and his eyes were shut tight. Tears scorched his retinas like acid as he willed them not to fall. Finally he choked and he could hold them back no longer. His shoulders caved and his chest convulsed as he erupted with anguished sobs. His fingers gripped the edge of the table and he tried desperately to lock his shoulders and stop the horrible shaking but it was no good. He wailed uncontrollably and quickly cast a muffling charm so his humiliating anguish could not to be heard outside his door. He had ruined his own life yet again. Here he was fortunate enough to have a second chance and he had once again burned the bridge behind him. How could Sasha do this to him? She said she would love him forever. She had obviously lied. Everything in his life was a lie. He put his head down on the table until he was able to find the strength to pull himself together. He suddenly felt exhausted and mechanically put away his potions. He had to shut his curtain before turning in and had he any sense would have done it with a flick of his wand but he couldn't stop himself from taking one last look, one last goodbye glimpse of his lovely Sasha.

She was alone on her velvet couch now. Her head was down and she was shaking. She was crying. Something in the courtyard caught his eye and he looked over to see Ivan storming through the snow to the apparition point. He looked back at Sasha who was standing up and holding her head, she was staggering. _That filthy son of a bitch hit her_. Something snapped in his head and he charged out of the room towards Sasha's quarters. His plan was to make sure she was alright and then follow Ivan and crucify him. As he ran full force through the castle he quickly pondered ways to kill him without getting caught.

When Sasha and Ivan returned to her room, he wasted no time trying to get what he wanted. She closed her eyes as he kissed her forcefully and with passion. "I want you Sasha." He said with his heavily accented throaty voice. Her body reacted in kind but her mind was slowly detaching and she was just going through the motions. He was all she could hope for and any girl with good sense would have fallen head over heels for him but he wasn't Severus.

His hands caressed her body as he began his rough and rushed seduction of her. "I'm dying to fuck you." She winced at his course language and could feel herself shutting down further. She used that word all the time particularly in quidditch but never in a context like this. It was repulsive to her. Igor would never have spoken to her like that.

Igor, if she squinted, Ivan almost looked like him. What if? She shut her eyes completely and dreamed of Severus Snape's handsome face. "Yes." Now it was Severus who was holding her tightly against his powerful body, kissing her deeply. She could get through this if the vision stayed with her. They were on the veranda of Malfoy Manor again without interruptions this time. Severus was kissing her again, whispering her name, growing hard with need. "Yes." Severus was the one caressing her breast and kissing her throat. "Ahhh." Further still he was the one sending electricity through her body as he ran his hands under her skirt and up her thigh, groaning as he finally touched her right there. "Severus!"

When she spoke his name everything stopped and the illusion was abruptly shattered. Ivan leaned forward and rested his forehead on her shoulder as his hands dropped. He sighed heavily. "It's always going to be Severus with you isn't it?"

"Yes." She was ashamed of herself and her voice was barely above a whisper.

Ivan sighed, then squared his shoulders and raised his chin. "I watched my brother waste his life waiting for something that he could never have. Don't expect me to repeat his mistakes."

Regretfully, she removed the beautiful ring from her finger and placed it in his hand. "I'm sorry Ivan."

"I am too." He replied tersely then turned on his boot heel and left slamming the door behind him.

When Severus reached her door, he didn't know if he should barge in or knock. He erred on the side of caution and rapped at her chamber door. She opened it and he was shocked to find her so intoxicated that she didn't look like herself. He composed himself and spoke coolly to her. "Are you alright? I saw Mr. Karkaroff leave and he looked most unhappy. I thought I'd better check on you."

"Well, well, well, if it isn't tall dark and surly." She turned her back on him and walked in the room while raising her hand over her head and curling her finger for him to follow. The sway of her hips as she walked was hypnotic but she was unsteady on her feet. "Come on in Sevy-poo. Let's have a drink. You like vodka don't you?" She slurred while putting on a Russian accent.

"I don't care to see you drunk." He was relieved that she was safe and alone, but as always there were a myriad of issues left to be dealt with.

"Oh well then you should sthlither away." She wiggled her fingers at him to shoo him away. "Because I'm going to get a hell of a lot worth." Her drunken slurs were almost comical. She strongly favored Sirius as she slurred her words and poured herself another vodka. She tried to take a drink but he was quickly by her side and grabbed it out of her hand.

"Give that back!" She sounded like a spoiled child.

"Why do you do this to yourself?"

"I didn't do anything. It's aaaaallll Ivan'th fault. Trying to take advantage of me I suthspect."

"Don't play the victim with me. I'm sure he didn't have to twist your arm. Why did he leave anyway? Didn't get you intoxicated enough?" The snotty professor voice was always effective.

With a smirk, she leaned closely to him and whispered seductively in his ear. "He apparently doesn't like me calling him Severus while he's kissing my neck and trying to go to third base."

Her throaty voice uttering his name as he felt her breath on his neck aroused him but he didn't understand her slang. "Where might I ask is third base?"

"Inside my knickers." She whispered and giggled naughtily with her eyes half closed.

He didn't know what do say to that. There was something dreadfully sexy about it. Even while Ivan the Terrible was seducing her she was fantasizing about him. Another man may be able to posses her body but they would never have her heart or her mind. That belonged to him. He desired her and considered pressing his advantage. As drunk as she was it wouldn't be difficult and the sex was bound to be uninhibited and delicious. However she could barely stand, she might even pass out on him so he just stood there looking at her.

Then she began to sob_ Oh brilliant here comes the crying jag._

"I've wasted my life." She choked through sudden convulsions of tears.

"What? Don't say that." Women crying always bothered him. He was unsure what to do with her like this.

"S'true. I could be happy with Ivan you know. He cares about me. But you!" She pushed against his chest. "I can't get you out of my head and it's ruined everything. I hate you Severus."

"Sasha, I think you need to go to bed." He sighed. She was being a complete idiot but there was something endearing about her at the moment and he adored her more than ever.

"You have no idea what I need." She shrieked and reached for the drink but he lifted it above his head. She lost her balance and fell on the floor hitting her head with such force it bounced. Severus tried to catch her but wasn't fast enough.

"Sasha, my poor dear, are you alright?" He rolled her over and she opened her eyes halfway. Then her faced changed as she grabbed his collar and pulled his face to hers.

"I'll never love anyone but you Severus." Had she not been such a slurring drunken mess, he would have kissed her. Then her eyes slowly closed and she passed out in his arms.

He lifted her limp body up and carried her to her bed. "Sasha, you hate me, you love me and all the while you're snogging Russian wizards. Time for bed." He sat her down and cast a sleeping spell over her to make sure she slept through the night.

As he gently pulled off her boots and tucked her in for the night, he took the opportunity to admire her. Even in her current state he found her beautiful and she still professed love for him after all these years and everything he'd put her through. Surely she was only with Ivan in an attempt to forget him. His mother had loved his father in much the same way. Taking whatever he dished out, always coming back for more. Shamefully, he had turned into the one thing he never wanted to be. He was just like his father. He was disgusted with himself and just wanted to go back to his room and pull the blanket over his head. He looked down at her hand and sighed gratefully as he saw her now bare ring finger. He caressed her naked fingers, a symbol of the reprieve, the second chance he'd been granted. Before leaving he leaned over and planted a lingering kiss on her lips. "Sasha Malfoy, I swear one day I will make all of this up to you."

_AN: Hey Ivan, see ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya! Most of the reviewers hate you anyway! LOL!_


	60. Chapter 59 The Lemon Song

CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE

The Lemon Song

Sasha awoke to a knock at her door. Her head was splitting wide open. She groaned in pain, ignored the visitor and pulled her pillow over her head. They knocked again, this time louder which killed her head. "Go away!"

"It's Severus, open up."

_Oh shit, he was here last night._ She was feeling foggy and couldn't remember the exact conversation but she had a bad feeling about it.

"Come back later, it's too early." She desperately tried to sound light and casual but it wasn't working.

"It's two in the afternoon. I've brought you lunch."

_Two? Bloody hell!_ "I'm not hungry."

The door flew open and he entered the room with a tray of what Sirius used to call hangover helper, toast, a huge pot of coffee and a vile of potion. "Get up. You'll feel better." His tone was snippy but his actions were kind. She didn't know what to make of him. He set the tray on the bed as she obeyed and sat up. He opened the vile and handed it to her. "Drink this first. It will take care of your hangover." She eyed him warily wondering what happened last night.

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

He was outwardly offended. "I'm always nice to you Sasha."

She took a deep breath and gunned down the potion. "Not really," she said while making a face after tasting the disgusting brew.

"I guess I'm not very good at it but I'm always trying." He poured a cup of coffee added just the right amount of cream and handed it to her. She stared at it surprised that he knew how she liked her coffee. "Eat some toast it will settle your stomach."

"Ugh Merlin. By the time we left The Three Broomsticks, I was seeing Nine Broomsticks. I shudder to think about it but what did I say to you last night?"

He smirked and couldn't resist the opportunity to torture her a bit with his velvet voice. "Before or after the epic blow job?"

She gaped at him not moving other than to blink during the uncomfortable and seemingly endless silence. How could she possibly have no memory of that?

As she stared at him he suddenly realized much to his chagrin that his attempt at cavalier humor had just come off abysmally crass. Why was it so easy with others and so pathetically awkward with him? If a Karkaroff or a Marauder said that to her, she would have roared with laughter and flirted with them. Right now she looked like a deer in head lights. He tried to recover  
"I'm kidding." He snickered nervously, then decided he'd better change the subject as he would lose his mind if they talked about fellatio. "You really don't remember do you."

"You're picking a hell of a time to try out new jokes. No, please just put me out of my misery. What did I say?" She covered her face and braced herself.

"Nothing above a slurring mumble. You said Ivan was angry with you and left."

"Oh right." She looked down at her now bare finger. "Oh no. It's all coming back to me." She cringed at the memory of calling Ivan by the wrong name and hung her head in shame. Poor Ivan, he deserved far better treatment and was surely lost to her now. She was doomed to a life alone and it was her own fault. "I'll probably never see him again."

"Do you love him?" His voice cracked and he cleared his throat.

"No."

"Then you're rid of some unnecessary baggage."

"Ivan is a good man. I wouldn't call him baggage."

"Whatever," his tone was dismissive. "You're still better off without him."

"Didn't we just have this conversation? Speaking of baggage,"

He cut her off. "Shh, let's not do this again Sasha. Please."

"Fine. You're lucky I feel to shitty to argue."

"I am fortunate, but not due to your current state." He took her hand. "Look at me Sasha. My life, all these assignments, they are going to put me in some precarious situations and I can't explain everything to you without putting you in danger. Know this, I have no designs on Narcissa, nor she on me. Not out of love or lust or strategy. I respect the vows of marriage and never sleep with another man's wife, and certainly not your brother's. Look at me and tell me I have your faith. I need it so badly right now."

"You have my faith Severus. I'm sorry I acted the way I did."

A groan of relief was all he could muster as he pulled her into his arms and against his chest. The weight of the world had been lifted from his chest. "It's alright. I was incredibly foolish and rude to you. I tend to assume the worst motives for people as well."

"Severus, I think I should lay down again." The intensity of the moment was adding to her physical misery. She cursed herself for having a raging hangover at such a romantic moment.

"Get some rest my dear." He kissed her on the forehead. "Eat some toast. Students are back this evening, you will need your strength this week.

Sasha had to push herself forward the next several days. She was ashamed of the way she had acted towards Ivan, hurting such a sweet young man like that. Using him as her back up plan, was such a Malfoy thing to do and she was disgusted at how naturally it had come to her without much consideration for him.

Severus never did tell her exactly what she said to him and she was very worried about it. She suspected that she'd really told him off because he was conspicuously attentive to her. He had taken to pouring her coffee for a change. He smiled when he saw her. He walked her to her classroom and offered assistance with lessons.

Did he want to be a better friend? Was he starting to have stronger feelings? Or was he up to something far more devious? She tried to enjoy the moment s but it gnawed at her. If she asked him, she was sure he would lie anyway. She felt like a puppy that he kicked and now here he was with a treat that she was afraid to taste.

Her only escape was the solitude of her pre-dawn flights. The snow over the mountains and the glistening black lake were the only things that gave her peace. One morning as she returned from her flight and walked back to her quarters, Lavender Brown pushed past her seeming quite hysterical. "Miss Brown, where are you running to at this hour?"

"It's Ron, something's happened to him." She squealed.

"Okay let's go." Sasha grabbed her hand and they ran off to the infirmary. She was expecting to find a broken bone or something fairly minor but when she saw the number of professors and Albus in the room, she knew it was bad.

As they entered the room, Severus seemed relieved to see her and nodded to her to step away from the others. "Where have you been? I was looking for you."

"Flying of course. What's happened to Ron?"

"Mr. Weasley has apparently been poisoned."  
"What? By who?"

"We are not sure of anything other than he was most likely not the intended target." They were interrupted by the raised voices of Lavender and Hermione arguing over Ron. Sasha stifled a snicker that two good-looking girls like Hermione and Lavender would argue over such a goofy kid. But when she heard Ron whisper Hermione's name and saw the heartbreak on Lavender's face, she wasn't laughing. It was a little too close to home. She remembered all too well how she felt the night in Regs' room when she thought Severus was speaking to her, only to realize that he was still dreaming of Lily all these years later. Lavender ran out of the room trying to contain what would soon surely be hysterical tears.

"Oh to be young and feel love's keen sting." Came the philosophical words of Albus. Sasha glanced at Severus just in time to see him roll his eyes and smirk. It was too much for her too as she shoved him out of the way and went after Lavender. She reached her near the open air corridor near the courtyard. Severus crept behind them stalking her against his better judgment.

"Please leave me alone." She cried as Sasha put her hand on her back.

"You have to forget him my dear, and move on. Trust me they don't change, so you'll have to if you don't want to end up alone on major holidays for the rest of your life."

"I love him." She blubbered.

"Snap out of it. Find the will now. He's made his choice and men don't change their minds about girls like Hermione." She sounded so much like Lucius it made her ill

"You sound like you've lived it."

"I have. I do. Come on Lav, you're a great girl. Don't waste your youth on Ron. He's a twit. Hey looks like McLeggan's available now and not only is he an excellent catch, Ron hates him."

"I don't know. I just feel so awful."

"Me too. Let's go to the kitchen and eat our sorrows. I feel the need to consume something unhealthy." Sasha threw an arm around the very sad young girl who reminded her so much of herself and walked her to the kitchen. For a moment she wished that someone had given her the same advice. Then she remembered that they had, everyone who knew had. "I'm telling you that greasy git is trouble." She could hear Sirius needling her still.

After eating their weight in ice cream for breakfast, Sasha felt ill and skipped lunch. By dinner she was still feeling miserable and stayed in her classroom working on grades rather than going to the great hall. Severus surprised her when he appeared in her doorway.

"That was awfully jaded advice you gave to Miss Brown this morning."

"Do you think so? I thought it was quite sage."

"Rather out of character for you. You're always so hopeful in matters of the heart."

"Hopeful is frequently a diplomatic way of saying foolish. If she listens to me it will be the smartest thing she's ever done."

Her words stung him. He could see her shutting down and growing cold as he did years ago after Lily turned her back on him. He couldn't bear the thought of that happening to her. He yearned to save her from such a fate before it was too late. She looked so sad and resigned but still so heartbreakingly lovely he couldn't help but touch her.

He gently stroked her cheek with his fingers and watched her eyes close like a china doll. "You're so pretty Sasha. Have I ever told you that?"

"Please stop." She shook her head and looked at her shoes.

"I don't think I can."

"Don't toy with me. I can't take it anymore." She stared hard at her shoes not daring to meet his eyes. If she looked up she knew she was lost.

"I would never intentionally toy with you."

"How about unintentionally?"

"I'm afraid my record is poor."

"Sh, yah!"

"Today is my birthday."

"I know. I've never forgotten your birthday."

"Can I see you tonight?"

"Do you want to?"

"Desperately."

"Don't say it like that."

"Why? It's true. I'm tired of lying about what I want or pretending I don't' want anything. I only want one thing for my birthday, time alone with you." He stroked her cheek again and lifted her chin until she met his gaze. "Say yes."

As if she could say anything else. "Yes."

"Is eight o'clock alright?"

"Sure."

He bent over and kissed her ever so softly. "Do not disappoint me." He whispered before leaving the room with his robes flowing behind him. She tossed the stack of term papers across her desk sending them skidding into a disorganized mess. She wouldn't be able to concentrate now. She went back to her quarters and tired to choose something to wear. She was tempted to wear her first choice for Slughorn's party but wasn't sure if he liked it or not. She chose the same dress she wore that night with a minor alteration, the neckline she transfigured into something that showed off her assets better than the turtleneck. She slipped on a pair of black stilettos but then threw a teaching robe over her ensemble for the walk to his rooms.

Severus felt cool and determined all day. Tonight would be different. He was confident, right up until the moment she knocked on his door.

"Happy Birthday Severus." Her smile was radiant as always as she stood there dressed in a lovely black dress holding a package with a large gold bow on it.

"It's happy now. Come in Sasha. You look beautiful." She stepped into the room and removed her cloak. He inhaled and became more nervous when he cast his eyes on her plunging neckline. It had him completely distracted and he didn't know what to say next.

"Why don't you open your present?"

"You didn't have to buy me a present."

"I didn't. Just something I thought you'd like to have."

He opened it and was pleasantly surprised to find a first cut of Led Zepplin I.

She beamed at him. "A little bird told me you liked them." He smiled back at her not sure what to say. "It belonged to Regulus, so take good care of it."

"I will. Thank you. Firewhiseky?" He offered.

"Uhg, I'm never drinking again." She waived him away grimacing.

"It's been over a week. Something lighter perhaps. Lemoncello?"

"I've never tried it but if there's alcohol in it no."

He laughed easily. "Come now, I endured chocolate cake on your birthday one year." He filled a glass and handed it to her.

"Ouch. If I must." She took the drink and sipped it. "That's actually wonderful."

"Were you expecting Thunderbird?" He said snottily.

She laughed and took another sip, then she licked her lips, which was entirely distracting to Severus. He wanted to lick them for her. He recalled the sweetness of them on the few occasions he'd been lucky enough to taste them.

"Who was your first kiss?" He was quite curious but at the same time not sure he wanted to know.

One corner of her mouth turned up. "Are you sure you want to know? You won't like it."

He looked intently at her and felt his face tense. "Karkaroff."

"Which one?" She asked in attempt to be humorous.

Severus raised an eyebrow and didn't appear to enjoy her joke.

"No. Way before either Karkaroff brother."

"Potter." He spat the name out.

She made a face. "How revolting. Honestly I never understood what women saw in him. I always thought he was kind of geeky. I like my men dark and mysterious."

Severus smiled at this. It was good to hear someone else be critical of Potter. But it still didn't answer his question. "Who then?"

"Sirius." She giggled.

"Sirius? I didn't think the two of you were ever…"

"It wasn't like that. We were eight years old and at a huge Christmas Party at my parents home. He chased me around with mistletoe until he caught me. I was so mad I told his father and he got in big trouble."

He was glad her first kiss was something innocent. It gave him one less thing to obsess about. His relief was short lived as he forgot how she liked to turn the tables on him.

"Who was your first kiss?"

He tensed again not wanting to tell her. "I don't want to talk about this."

"You don't have to. I can guess that Lily was your first kiss."

"It wasn't Lily." He snapped and looked at his shoes.

"Really? I'm intrigued now." She looked at the fire and thought. "Paulette Parkinson."

"No." He said in his condescending voice like he was working with a student. She ignored his tone and pressed on.

"Hmmm let's see, who were some of the other cute girls in Slytherin."

"She wasn't in Slytherin."

"Really?" She said with surprise. "So you strayed outside your house. Shocking!" She teased him but was so focused on identifying this mystery rival that she didn't notice how upset he was becoming. "Give me a hint. What house was she in?"

"Gryffindor." He said flatly while looking for a way out of this.

"Are you kidding me? Yet another rival for your affections and right under my nose too. Mary McDonald? She was a tramp."

"No."

"Alice?"

"No."

"Hmmmm, I may have to get the yearbook out. Just tell me."

He snarled and remained silent. She finally noticed his emotions and became more attentive. She took his hand and her joking tone was gone. "Sev, I'm just interested in you. Who was the girl?"

"It was you." He pulled his hand back. He retreated into his shell and braced for her reaction.

"What? Me? We never, I mean, in school you never gave me a thought." Finally she realized, "Oh, after the tournament? That was your first kiss?"

His lips were tight and he nodded, not looking at her.

"Really?" A small laugh escaped her. "I had no idea!" She smiled and laughed softly again leaning back on the couch. "Wow!"

"You think that's funny?"

"What? No. Sev, it's just."

She tried to explain but it was too late. His insecurities had gotten he better of him and he snapped. "Go ahead have a good laugh. Severus Snape mid thirties and never been kissed. Yes I suppose that's just hilarious." He was furious at being laughed at over something so excruciatingly painful and personal.

"That's not what I meant." She tried to take his hand but he jerked away from her and stalked across the room.

"Shut up! What the hell would you know about it? You and your friends, you grew up in this coddled kum-by-ya existence where everyone loves each other. I'm sure you find it amusing that no one EVER gave a fuck about me."

"I didn't mean that." She shook her head violently and went to him but he pulled away.

"Get out! Just get the fuck out! You don't understand me. You never will. You never WILL!" He yelled in anger.

Sasha stood rooted in her spot.

"Go!" It was more like a guttural scream than speech.

"Not before I say something to you." She said cautiously

"Say it and get out." He turned his back on her and closed his eyes tightly. His body was so tense it ached. He just wanted this all to be over.

"I was not laughing at you. I laughed because that made me happy. Severus, I have loved you since the moment I saw you but you never gave a damn about me. Still I fantasized about you all those years. I dreamed of what it would be like to be with you, to be held by your arms, to be kissed by you. I still dream about it. But in all this time I never even dared to dream of having the honor of being your first kiss. All I ever wanted, all I want now, is to be your last." She turned to leave with her head hanging low.

He whirled around on her unable to take one more minute of this torture. "Sasha, please help me." He cried desperately. "I don't want to be like this. I can't stop myself. If you only understood, my rotten family, poverty, losing Lily to that fucking bastard Potter, Death Eaters, all the horrible things I've done, all the horrible things I still have to do. Damnit! I'm just so bloody angry. I'm ashamed of my life. I've made a mess of it."

He walked over to her and took her hand. "Please stay. I'm begging you. I know I act like a miserable prick to you, to my students, to everyone. I don't' want that anymore but I can't stop myself. It's my gut reaction. It's all I know. I just need you. Please don't go."

She turned her back on him and walked away. For a moment all the pain he'd ever felt seemed concentrated in the center of his heart and he felt like it was being ripped out of his chest. Then she sat back down on the couch. She leaned forward and ran her hands through her hair. It struck him that this was something he did frequently when he didn't know what to do. There was still hope but he had to keep trying. She had not decided yet.

He sat beside her cautiously. She looked so grave and defeated. He took a deep breath and his voice was weak but composed when he spoke again. "For once, I just want something beautiful and unspoiled in my life, something perfect and constant. I need you Sasha."

She didn't move. Her head was down and her hair surrounded her face and he pushed it behind her ear to see her. As he did this he saw huge tears falling and landing on her hands that were now folded in her lap. She looked like a broken women trying desperately to keep a shred of dignity about her. He continued. "I can never hope to make amends for all the things I've said and done to you or all the pain I must have caused you. Sasha, I can only tell you that I am profoundly sorry and beg you to give me a second chance."

Her face remained unreadable, but then she moved it closer to his and softly kissed his forehead as he closed his eyes. He felt her warm tears on his cheeks. "You don't have to beg Severus. You only have to ask." She pulled his chin up with her soft fingers until he met her eyes again. "I will never abandon you. You will always have my friendship."

"I want more." He said it immediately without thinking. Then he pulled her into his arms and held her, feeling accepted and relieved. The stayed motionless for sometime. Was it wrong for him to make a move when she was at such a low point? He didn't know. He decided he should play it safe and continued to hold her tightly which was satisfying a deep longing in his chest.

Then something incredible happened. She kissed his neck softly causing his breath to gently leave him. She stroked his dark hair out of the way and moved to the spot just behind his ear. Her breath was warm but it sent a chill through his body. "Sasha, what are you doing?" he said breathlessly.

"Seducing you." She said silkily, "Is it working?" She moved her lips slowly down the side of his neck and kissed him where his neck met his shoulder. Something similar to an electric current ran through his body. All his plans and self-inflicted rules of engagement flew out of his head at that point. He jerked away from her and grabbed her wrists tightly, violently. His black eyes stared hard into her turquoise ones. He was desperate to trust her. He was terrified of trusting her. He wanted her so badly but was scared of being hurt again. He searched for a motive in her expression but he saw nothing but lust. He roughly pushed her back on the couch and kissed her long and hard still holding her wrists now over her head, which she seemed to like. This was different than the night on the veranda. It was far more intense. He wanted to kiss her until she lost consciousness, until she was under his power completely. He wanted to possess her. His tongue explored her mouth as she writhed and moaned beneath him. He could taste liquor in her mouth and it excited him.

He let go of her hands only so he could move his own hands over her luscious body. She used this new freedom to pull his coat off his arms. Being free of it brought him closer to her body and he groaned as he could feel her curves moving under his weight like waves beneath a ship. He ran his hands up her dress and over her thighs as he'd always dreamed of doing. They were smooth like silk and he moved his hands back and forth over them just because he could.

She ran her fingers through his hair not wanting his mouth to leave hers all the while arching her back to be as close as she could to him. He kissed her cheeks as she whispered his name in his ears. "Severus." The combination of his name and her breath in his ear was thrilling. He wanted to explore every part of her luscious body and moved his lips to taste her throat, working his way down to the flesh of her chest that was exposed. He ran his tongue between her breasts and was enraptured by the smell and taste of her skin. She relished in the feel of his warm lips and grabbed his hips to pull him eagerly against her so she could feel his growing desire.

This caught him off guard and he groaned involuntarily, "Sasha I want you. Please just once. I'll do anything. I want you so badly." He was begging for her. "Please, I have to have you just once." He was breathing hard and would have done anything to get what he desperately needed in that moment.

"Take me Severus. I want you to take me."

She certainly didn't have to say this twice as he became even more aroused at the thought of possessing her completely. He quickly moved off her and lifted her effortlessly off the couch and carried her to the bed. He was finally going to have her. This was the night. There was nothing to stop them.

He set her down on the bed enjoying the way her hair looked spread across the pillows. She grabbed his shirt pulling him down on top of her and kissing him with enthusiasm. He savored the sensation of her desperation for him and he smirked a bit to himself. Here was the object of so many men's desire, the beautiful Malfoy heiress, admired by so many, and she wanted him, Severus Snape, and she wanted him badly. Hell yes, he was going to enjoy this moment.

She deftly unbuttoned his shirt and ran her hands across his muscular hairless chest purring with approval as she sampled the merchandise. She moved her hands to his shoulders and was about to slide his shirt off of his arms. _Damnit, the mark!_

"No Sasha!" He pulled himself up a bit and his shirt back over his shoulders.

"What?" She was gasping for air like she was drowning. "Severus, what is it?" He was silent, unsure how to express himself. He didn't have to. She knew him too well. "It's the mark isn't it?"

"Yes," he whispered, so ashamed that his poor choices intruded into every aspect of his life. He tried to look away.

"You don't want me to see it?" She pushed his hair back and pulled his face towards her so he had to meet her eyes.

"No."

"Many people I've cared about have that mark. I'm not afraid of it. Yours only reminds me of how hard you're fighting back against what you now know to be wrong. It reminds me of what a hero you truly are." He tried to look away again but she pulled his face back to her. "Severus, I want all of you. Your perfection and your flaws. Tragedy and triumph. I don't want you to hold back anything from me. Not ever."

Total acceptance. The one gift he had always wanted so desperately but never received. She might have just as well had him under the imperious curse for he did exactly what she wanted and threw off his shirt. The feel of her hands across his back was electric and he worked frantically to unbutton the top of her dress so he could finally see her beautiful breasts and feel the softness of them against his skin.

What started out as his confident attempt to ravish a beautiful maiden was quickly becoming much more in his mind as it struck him that tonight, in his mid thirties he was about to finally make love to a woman. Then his neuroses crept in reminding him that he had no idea what he was doing and might not be any good at this. She might laugh him right out of bed. Surely her interludes with suave men like Karkaroff or some of the pureblood aristocracy were epic and this would pale in comparison to a night with an inexperienced bookish professor. He was suddenly all nerves and couldn't manage to undo the buttons on her dress.

He didn't have to. She became impatient and rolled on top of him kissing his chest and then sitting up straddling him. She pulled her dress off over her head and shook her hair. The sight of her in lacey black bra and panties was pure magic. Her body was perfection. She leaned over him so her flaxen hair concealed their faces and sucked on his lower lip while he sighed with pleasure. "Like what you see?"

"Yes!' he managed to breath. He was glad she was not afraid to take control. That was true to her form. Merlin that was sexy.

"Want to see more?" She said sucking on his neck as her hair softly grazed his face.

"Yes." Was all he could manage, he was utterly enslaved. She sat up on top of him again and unhooked her bra revealing perfect breasts that he couldn't wait to get his mouth on. He sat up and began to caress them as he buried his face between them. He began teasing her nipples with his tongue as he moved his hands over her back until she was moaning and grinding him hard while throwing her head back. "Sasha! I want you." Did he say that or just think it? He had no idea but she climbed off of him and began to undo his trousers with a sly smile. He laid back on the bed to enjoy watching this process. She pulled them along with his boxers off in one motion and he was fully exposed before her. She smiled obviously liking what she saw. _The rumors were true._ She took her time while she folded his clothes so she could enjoy the sight of his naked body. Then she turned her back to him to place them on a nearby chair. When she did he caught sight of her backside in a thong and he became completely unraveled.

_Merlin's Beard!_ He had to be inside her immediately. He jumped up and forcefully grabbed her. He threw her down on the bed, and then ripped her thong off with one hand. He became briefly concerned that this might be too rough for her, but her smile told him otherwise and he knew she was all his. He threw himself on top of her and kissed her deeply while aligning their bodies for what was to come. This was his moment, he would possess her, make her scream his name, and make her love every second of it. He thrust his cock violently inside her in one motion.

"Severus!" She sucked wind and her body tensed as her nails dug deep into his back. He froze, horrified. He had hurt her. _Damn, how could I be so reckless?_ Then he felt her relax slightly in his grip. Her eyes were wide as she looked intensely into his black eyes. "I love you Severus." He felt something warm running over him inside her and realized that until this very moment, Sasha had also been a virgin. The most sought after woman he knew, had saved this precious gift, this most perfect moment for him and only him, because she loved him. All the ones he'd been so jealous of, none of them meant anything to her. Truly she wanted only him. From this day forward the two of them would always have this connection. An indescribable wave poured over his heart and he felt somehow changed. At that moment, Severus Snape fell completely and forever in love with Sasha Malfoy. _Damn the consequences._

He kissed her softly and sweetly. "I don't want to hurt you." He whispered into her ear.

"You won't. Just go slow okay?"

"We have all night my love."

His entire view of her changed. He no longer viewed her as a mere object of desire. She was now his most precious treasure to be handled carefully and adored. He moved slowly, rhythmically inside her keeping a careful visual read on her facial expressions to make sure he did not hurt her.

He marveled at the way his body movements affected her. He listened carefully to the beautiful rhythm of her breathing and took note of when something felt so good to her that she exhaled and closed her eyes. As their movements became in harmony with each other, he felt her relax further in his arms. Yes she was enjoying this. As was he. The sensation of being inside her was hot, wet and phenomenal. He focused hard on restraining himself, which was a challenge, but well worth it to prolong this pleasure.

She immersed her fingers in his hair and pulled his mouth to hers again. She kissed him deeply with sincerity as her tongue explored his mouth. He held her tightly and responded to her movements kissing her firmly. Her hands moved down across his back and he found her touch electric. It sparked a new heat in his desire and as she pulled him deeper inside her he kissed her with new urgency. She moaned into his mouth with pleasure as she arched beneath him.

His need for her increased tenfold and he allowed himself to thrust more boldly into her all the while carefully watching her reaction. He relished the feel of being deep inside her while seeing how it affected her. She arched her back to allow him all he wanted and her hands pulled him into her. "Yes Severus" The sound of his name crossing her lips in ecstasy was quickly causing him to lose the capacity for control and he began to thrust harder. She writhed wildly beneath him progressing to the brink. There was no conscious reason in either of them as their carnal desire controlled them and they passionately exploded together.

Severus collapsed on top of her and they lay together catching their breath. His body was more alive and his mind more clear than they had been in years. When he could finally speak, he rolled onto his side and looked at her. Had she always been this gorgeous? Her hair was beautifully tousled about and her cheeks were pink from their tryst. Her breasts and stomach were glistening from perspiration and he admired the swell of her chest as she breathed. He felt desperate to have her again but knew he needed some time. "Don't leave me tonight." He said quickly through heavy breaths. "Sleep here with me. I need you to stay with me." It sounded like an order but he was afraid if he asked she would say no.

She rolled on her side and stroked his hair then kissed him gently. "I'll stay as long as you want me."

"I'll never stop wanting you." And he meant it.

_AN: When the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars…. FINALLY!_


	61. Chapter 60 Basking in the Afterglow

CHAPTER SIXTY

Basking in the Afterglow

A feeling he could only describe as sanctuary enveloped him as he watched sleep. Warmth, love and safety were sensations that were forever lacking in his life, and now he had them all. The moonlight shone in through the window across her lovely form. She slept on her back with the covers down at her waist exposing her breasts and taught stomach. Indulging himself, he ran his hands lightly over her torso, not wanting to wake her, merely wanting to experience her. He marveled at how she was able to sleep like this, so exposed and prone. Normally he had the blankets pulled up to his neck and huddled over on his side. The way she slept seemed to be indicative of how she viewed the world. She was far more trusting than he.

How could he have let this treasure slip through his fingers all these years? He could have spent years waking up to her adoring expression and fondling her incredible body every morning, watching her pour his tea over breakfast. What a waste. But she was here now and he felt like he'd won the prize. Sasha was beautiful, strong, smart, wealthy and madly in love with him. She could have had any man alive but she chose him above all others. He'd been told his whole life by what seemed like everyone, that he was unlovable. Always by this father and occasionally by his mother, by schoolmates, colleagues, students and most notably by Lily, he was reminded that he wasn't worth friendship or love. Sasha Malfoy however loved him always and he was with her now. That was all that mattered. Everyone else could go to the devil. He felt invincible. Renewed. He was ready to fight Voldemort with everything he had. His life meant something again. The Dark Lord was going down hard.

He smoothed her hair and kissed her gently just because he could, he was allowed. Dreamily she opened her eyes and gazed at him adoringly, an expression of contentment on her face. "Oh thank goodness, I was afraid I'd only dreamed it," she mused while she traced the muscles of his arm.

Severus did something next that most people would consider impulsive. He merely felt he was being decisive and proactive as he always was. He leaned over and kissed her again then looked intently into her eyes. "Sasha would you do something for me?"  
She cuddled closer to him and sighed. "You know I would do anything for you. You only have to ask." She ran her fingers through his hair and gently kissed his throat.

Ever so gently he pulled her face with both hands to meet his gaze and looked at her for a long moment with steely intensity. He was ready to change his life. When he finally spoke, his tone was particularly formal, "Sasha Malfoy, will you marry me?"

AN: Sudden? Perhaps but Severus would definitely be the sweet guy that wants to get married right away. It's why we love him Thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter and a big thanks for sticking with Sasha and Severus while they worked through their mountains of issues—Fifty nine chapters worth to be exact.


	62. Chapter 61 Sasha's Answer

CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE

Sasha's Answer

"Sasha Malfoy, will you marry me?" His velvety proposal hung in the air as Sasha stopped breathing from the shock of it all, too stunned to reply.

Finally she smiled and looked happier and more adoring than he had ever seen her. His hopes were high until he watched her expression change to one of concern and her eyes searched his. He knew the expression well as he made it often. It was one of suspicion. Severus could feel the panic quickly building inside him with each passing second. _Oh no, she's going to reject me. Of course she is. How could I be so foolish?_

Finally she sighed with a sad tone of resignation and caressed his cheek with the back of her hand. "You know Sev, you don't _have_ to marry me just because we uhmm…"

"That's not it," he said quickly. "That's not it at all. Sasha, I'm not asking you to marry me because of my chivalrous notions about stealing your virtue."

"I'd hardly call it stealing." She giggled with a roll of her eyes.

"Do you find my proposal amusing? This isn't a joke to me!" He was flustered and raising his voice. Panic was getting the better of him. "It's a simple bloody question that requires a simple bloody answer."

"Sev, relax. You're not exactly sweeping me off my feet._"_

_Merlin, she's right! _ He started to panic. _ I'm a fool. Just blurting it out like that. I've no ring for her. I haven't asked Lucius for her hand. She's a pureblood heiress to the Malfoy fortune and I'm proposing to her in the sack. She must think I'm a mudblood loser with no proper upbringing at all. Oh Damnit, she's right. I am._ His breathing became labored, his mouth went dry and he could feel the sweat about to break on his forehead. He tried to speak but could only sputter. "Sasha, Oh, I'm so…I should have…" All his confidence of a minute ago was shattered. He was in the middle of a massive panic attack when Sasha pushed him off of her and rolled seductively on top of him. She kissed him deeply, leisurely and thoroughly until she felt the stress leave his body. Under her hypnotic kiss his muscles relaxed as his arms wrapped around her and one hand got lost in her hair. She continued kissing him until his breathing slowed and she felt he could focus again.

"Would you like my answer now?" She asked while planting soft kisses on his eyelids.

"Only if it's yes." He breathed, eyes closed and hoping against all hope that she accepted him.

"Open your eyes." She pushed his hair away from his face and looked into his dark eyes. "Yes, Severus Tobias Snape, I will marry you. I will be honored to be your wife."

He exhaled with relief, holding her with new strength in his arms. They remained like that for sometime basking in the moment. He clung to her like a lifeline. She would save him from a lonely dismal life that he never thought he would escape from.

Finally she rolled off him and propped herself on one elbow. She ran her fingers lightly back and forth over his chest, smiling in the knowledge that she would now be able to do this anytime she wanted. "Mrs. Sasha Snape. I love the sound of it." She mused.

"Really?" He spoke dreamily, now completely relaxed for the first time in years. "I hate my last name. I wish I had a better one to give you. Maybe I'll take yours." he teased.

"Ugh, you're too good for my family." That fed his male ego a bit especially considering the prestige that accompanied her family name. "I wouldn't curse you with that."

"Sasha, the name Snape is a muggle name and not a very good one at that. My father was an abusive drunk. He beat my mother and I . I'm afraid the name Snape has no honor."

"I disagree." She said immediately and with authority. "Your last name is Snape and you have honor. It doesn't just represent your lineage, it represents who you are as a person today. I told you I want all of you, not just the perfect parts you want the world to see. I'll be proud to tell the world that I'm Mrs. Severus Snape." She moved to seal her words with a kiss but he pushed her back this time.

"You can't tell the world Sasha. Not yet anyway." He wished so badly that things could be different, prefect for her, but he knew it was not to be. "It's not going to be how you probably wanted. It must, for now remain a secret. If the Dark Lord found out, he would use one to manipulate the other. That means I can't ask Lucius for your hand, we can't have a big wedding at your family home with 500 guests. We can't take a honeymoon. I can't even give you a ring." As he articulated all this he began to wonder why any witch would agree to marry under such conditions. Accepting his proposal would cheat her out what should be one of the happiest times in her life. He suddenly felt horrible for doing this to her.

Sasha surprised him by smiling dreamily. "We don't need permission from Lucius. If he said no, I would defy him and marry you anyway. I've been to hundreds of big parties at Malfoy Manor and they are all tedious, oh, except one where I made out with a dashing professor on the veranda, Merlin he was hot." She paused to kiss him softly while fondly remembering that night. "I've always dreamed of marrying you in a small ceremony. A honeymoon would be a waste of money. I wouldn't let you out of bed." She moved her hand across his stomach causing him to shudder and begin to become aroused again. "The ring? Well that's going to cost you. I can give you a reprieve for now but when this is all over I want one."

"I shall get you the biggest diamond I can buy. If that's not big enough, I'll steal a bigger one." His words were humorous but his heart was sincere.

She laughed and sweetly stroked his hair. "It doesn't' have to be big or expensive. Just something to show the world that I belong to you."

"Should it say property of Severus?" He teased while rolling on top of her and pulling her closer to him.

"No, that's for my tattoo. Your very own tramp stamp, right on my lower back." He made a face at her. "I'm kidding Severus!"

"Don't do anything to your lower back. That's one of my favorite places."

"One of? Are there others?"

"So many others." His voice poured over her like melted chocolate and she desperately wanted him again.

"Such as?"

"Here," He said kissing her just above her collarbone sending goose bumps down her arm. "And here," he kissed her between her breasts, "and here" he kissed her languidly on the lips, "and here," he whispered as he ran his hands up the inside of her thigh causing her to moan. "And of course, here." He parted her thighs and slowly entered her with his fingers finding her ever so ready for him again.

"Severus." She panted before he engulfed her lips with his. With his fingers continuing to explore her he kissed her slowly and thoroughly while enjoying feeling her breath and whimpers under his lips. Control was finally his and he would take full advantage of it now by teasing and manipulating her desire until she could take no more and he was ready to indulge his own hunger.

"Do you love me Sasha?" He asked her between kisses as she writhed under his touch.

"Yes."

Finally he was the one in control and would have her Slytherin style. "Say it. I need to hear you say it again."

"I love you Severus."

"Mmmm, Sasha. You have no idea how I adore hearing you say that to me. Say it again." Said the predator, the manipulator.

"I love you." She barely had the words out before his lips overtook hers again with an intense need. He rolled on top of her and savored the feel of her flesh against his. It was absolutely certain that he would never get enough of her but if need be he would die trying. As he slid into her he groaned in ecstasy and came damn close to having an orgasm. He didn't move again until he was back in control and sure he would last.

"Severus, you feel so incredible." His eyes rolled back in his head behind closed lids as he desperately tried to hold back. She whimpered nearly crying beneath him seemingly begging for him. Slowly he eased in and out of her prolonging her agony and ecstasy but she would not be put off. Her screams of passion shocked him as she grabbed his backside and pulled him hard into her compelling him to unleash the full power of his lustful need upon her. His thrusts became increasingly more urgent, more demanding bordering on violent as she screamed his name "Yes Severus, yes!" His ferocious thrusts shook the headboard slamming it into the wall until finally he felt her walls tighten around him as she gasped and clawed his back. Explosive was his release as his hot seed shot into her and he pulled her tightly against him. Their climax seemed to last several minutes as they gripped each other barely breathing and not wanting to break the spell. They lay fused together drenched in sweat on damp sheets and loving every minute of it.

Severus rolled off her and flopped over on his back with his arms outstretched, his chest heaving as he caught his breath. He turned his head to look at her and found her staring at him with one corner of her mouth turned up in an evil smile. "Wow!" was all she could say.

"Yeah, wow!" He answered gazing at her through half closed eyes.

Sasha laughed loudly as he enjoyed the view. "Well those are two words I never thought I'd hear you say. 'Yeah wow'"

He was on top of her immediately. "Oh you think that's funny?"

"I do."

He kissed her deeply until he heard the clock strike midnight signaling a new day. "Thank you Sasha. This was the best birthday I've ever had."

AN: Sigh…Well you didn't think she would say no did you?


	63. Chapter 62 Not So Fast

CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO

Not So Fast

Sasha awoke the next morning to the sight of Severus sleeping next to her. Perhaps this wasn't a dream after all. He looked more peaceful and relaxed than she had ever seen him. His arms were still wrapped around her and one leg was possessively draped over her legs. She smiled to herself as she enjoyed listening to his breathing and admiring his face.

She could never understand why people did not consider him to be handsome. She adored the way he looked. His hair was ink black and glossy. Granted he could use a trim but most men usually could. She looked at this perfect face. His eyelashes were long and she coveted them. His full lips were sensuous and the skin on his cheeks was smooth and beautiful. She liked his strong roman nose which some would say detracted from his looks. She however liked this prominent feature feeling it was masculine and added character.

Morning sunlight was beginning to peek through the windows. _Merlin! Why does today have to be a workday? I'll never get through it._ Today would be like any other day; they would go back to their daily routines and patterns as they always did. It didn't seem to fit. She had the same feeling as Christmas morning or a day when classes should be cancelled for some celebration. _May I have your attention please? All classes shall be cancelled today in honor of Professor Snape and Professor Malfoy's engagement, and so they can shag each other stupid for the next several days. _She smiled to herself and stifled a giggle.

Abruptly, she started to get a bad feeling. Every time she'd gotten close to him in the past, every single time she dared to hope, he would desert her. Why would now be any different? She had always been able to pick up and go on but after last night she knew she couldn't survive losing him again.

He had asked her to marry him but it was an obviously impulsive move. What if he regretted it this morning? She remembered the advice Bella gave her as a young girl. "Don't be a fool Sasha. All men love you until after their orgasm." She good friends with enough men to know this was true. Sirius and Igor were textbook examples of this. When they were younger, Sirius fell in love with a new girl every week. Igor professed his love for years but she hadn't given in to him. Regs had always teased her that if she truly wanted to be rid of Igor, sleeping with him would be the surest way of accomplishing that. What if his theory was right?

She had a desperate knot in her stomach as she gazed at his handsome face again. What if he woke up and was horrified that she was still there. She'd suffered emotional whiplash from him enough times to know it was not outside the realm of possibility.

Gently she eased his leg off her and slowly peeled herself out of his strong arms. She dressed as quickly and quietly as she could then tiptoed over to his writing desk.

Dear Severus,

I love you more than I ever thought possible. If you feel the same this morning come see me after lights out tonight. If not, take me by surprise and obliterate the exquisite memory of last night. It will be too painful to live with it if you don't want me.

Love,  
Sasha

She crept over to him and put the letter under his hand resting on his pillow and then quietly left the room. If she were not flying within the hour she wouldn't be able to function today. She needed the release, well another release anyway.

Severus awoke and smiled to himself remembering the night before. Sasha was as incredible in bed as she was out and she had actually agreed to marry him. What a stroke of luck! He would have this beautiful witch in his bed and in his life forever. The thought of it aroused him yet again and he reached for her only to find himself alone with only a pillow by his side. His body tensed. She said she would stay. Had she left as soon as he drifted off? Then he discovered the letter in his hand. He rolled over on his back to read it. As he did, he caught sight of her launching out of the yard on her broom heading for the black lake. He quickly tore the letter open and read it. He sighed heavily. _She doubts me. Well no more than I deserve_. He rolled to his side and snickered when he noticed her black lace thong strewn over the lampshade. He picked it up and rolled over on his back. Holding it up he admired it. Somehow he had managed to land himself a witch with a penchant for sexy lingerie. "Yes!" He said to himself while raising his fists in the air and kicking the covers with glee.

Sasha attended breakfast with Tonks, Flitwick and Minerva and tried to pretend it was just an ordinary day. She was a dreamy bundle of nerves and ate very little, pushing her food about her plate. Her co-workers made small talk with her but she gave short answers. She couldn't stop thinking about the night before: the passion, the proposal and the fantastic sex.

Finally she looked up to see him striding into the great hall. His chin was raised with a haughty expression that reminded her of her father. As always he cut a tall and imposing figure and she thought he looked more striking than ever as his robes whipped behind him. She admired him like a rock star. Severus Snape certainly knew how to make an entrance.

He did not make eye contact with her. _Oh no, not good_. For a moment she was terrified and thought she was going to vomit. Then he sat next to her. "Good morning Sasha." He said in a very business like tone.

"Good Morning Severus." She poured his tea out of habit not bothering to ask if he wanted it.

"You look more rested than usual this morning Professor Snape. Is your insomnia improving?" Minerva asked.

"Yes thank you Minerva. It kept me up late as always but I may have discovered a remedy. When I did sleep it was…blissful perfection." He drawled his last two words as only he could.

Sasha closed her eyes and concentrated hoping he was looking into her mind. "I love you Severus. Can you hear me?"

"Yes." Came his answer, so loud and clear she nearly dropped her coffee cup and it rattled noisily against the saucer. Tonks who was sitting on her other side turned to face her giving her a look as if she knew something was going on. Sasha tried desperately to act casual but her heart pounded like thunder in her chest. She took another sip of coffee.

"I'd like to try that myself sometime. I frequently have trouble sleeping myself." Flitwik piped in. Sasha began to choke on her coffee as Tonks sitting on her other side, slapped her on the back.

"I'm afraid it still requires extensive testing. Perhaps another time." Severus smirked dragging out the word extensive with his velvet voice.

Sasha drank coffee with one hand while nervously wiping sweat off the other on her robes under the table. Severus remarked on the time and stood to leave. Before he did he took her hand under the table slipping a piece of parchment into it. Holding it for a few precious seconds. He left without looking at her. She waited until her other colleagues left, then she looked into her lap and could hear his velvet voice as she read.

_That you were once unkind befriends me now,_

_And for that sorrow, which I then did feel,  
Needs must I under my transgression bow,  
Unless my nerves were brass or hammered steel.  
For if you were by my unkindness shaken,  
As I by yours, you've passed a hell of time;  
And I, a tyrant, have no leisure taken  
To weigh how once I suffered in your crime.  
O! that our night of woe might have remembered  
My deepest sense, how hard true sorrow hits,  
And soon to you, as you to me, then tendered  
The humble salve, which wounded bosoms fits!  
But that your trespass now becomes a fee;  
Mine ransoms yours, and yours must ransom me._

_See you tonight, S_

Severus Snape could quote Shakespeare's sonnets. The man was full of surprises.

As the day wore on Sasha was incapable of focusing on anything at all. She was outwardly giddy at the thought of his letter. She was also completely preoccupied thinking about the fantastic romp the night before. The thought of how his hands caressed her body made her so unbelievably hot she flushed and had to remove her cloak while teaching her classes. She was desperate to make love to him again which made the day seem endless. She thought of all the things she wanted to do with him and how his breath felt on her skin.

After dinner she went to her room and drew a hot bath. She wanted to make herself perfect for their next interlude. The feel of the hot water and bath oils against her skin began to relax her for which she was grateful. If she couldn't get control of her nerves she was sure to babble and say something that would offend or perturb him. She conjured herself a glass of red wine and stayed in the tub until the glass was empty and the water began to cool.

She stepped out of the bath and toweled off. She examined her nude reflection in the mirror and wondered if he liked the way she looked. She made a mental note to fly five times a week at the least to improve her shape for him. She slathered on her favorite coconut lotion that reminded her of the islands and then decided to choose some lingerie. As she examined her undergarments, she made a mental note to go shopping for a hotter arsenal of lace to hold his interest. Finding nothing acceptable, she decided against underwear altogether and chose a black satin nightgown that displayed her breasts to perfection. Then she turned her attention to the bed. She used her wand to change the sheets to a fresh set of the highest thread count Egyptian cotton. She took several roses out of a flower vase and scattered the blood red petals over the bed. "Incendio," she cast spells to light several dozen candles throughout the room. Everything was perfect; the room only needed one more thing. Severus.

There was a knock at the door and her heart leapt. She ran across the room to the door but then worried about answering it in her black nightie if it wasn't him. She grabbed an old terry bathrobe off the hook in the bathroom, threw it on and answered the door.

It was Severus. She smiled broadly at him thinking he grew more handsome every day. He eyed her robe and raised one eyebrow.

"Yes professor? What can I do for you?"

"I need to speak with you about your lesson plans." He made an attempt to sound professional in case someone was listening in the hall.

She made no reply but opened the door wide allowing him to pass. He entered the room as she shut the door behind him and he turned in time to see her shrug out of the robe sending it tumbling to the floor. Seductively he eyed her up and down as she walked slowly toward him and began to remove his coat. She kissed him gently before speaking. "I've thought of you all day." She pulled him towards the bed and he sighed when he saw the scene.

"Thank you." The gratitude was evident in his voice.

"For thinking of you?"

"For the room, for the way you look, for the rose petals. You're everything I've needed in my life. I can't believe you're finally mine."

"Come here." She pulled him close and kissed him deeply as she undid the buttons of his shirt "You are my heart's desire Severus. I'm going to give you the royal treatment for the rest of your life."

"Rather elaborate."

She did her very best Severus voice, "I'm trying to bewitch your mind and ensnare your senses."

A lazy smile told her that he enjoyed her teasing. "That's my line."

"Yes well, it is hotter when you say it."

He smirked good-naturedly as he watched her remove his shirt and run her hands across his chest. He fought the urge to kiss her, more interested in watching her carefully unwrap him like an expensive present. It felt wonderful to be admired and cared for. She pushed him gently towards the bed and he fell playfully down to a seated position on the edge. She removed his boots and then began to undo his trousers and slowly remove them. She stood there appraising him and then giggled. "Do you find something amusing?"

She grinned while cocking her head to the side and looking at his boxers, which were the finest black silk. "Nothing." She giggled.

"Hmm, where did I put that Veritaserum? Ahh, no matter, I'll just read your thoughts."

"Stop it." She laughed as she pushed him back on the bed and straddled him. "I was just surprised to learn that Professor Severus Snape has and affinity for boxers made of Italian silk. Who knew?"

"Expecting tighty whities?" He said with affectionate sarcasm.

"Ha! Well I didn't know what to expect but thank you for not wearing TW's in my presence. I would have to banish you from the kingdom of Sasha, or at least take you shopping immediately."

"As you wish Miss Malfoy. Now shall we see what charming underclothes you're wearing?" He slipped her nightgown over her head and inhaled sharply as he saw there was nothing on underneath.

"Whoops, I seem to have forgotten them." She pushed him backward and kissed him passionately. He surrendered to her and savored the experience of being desired and even needed. It was her turn to be the seducer tonight and he was her willing subject.

Hours later he was holding her close to his heart and absent mindedly stroking the soft curves of her face with a rose petal. "When do you want to get married Sasha?" He couldn't wait to start their new life, to have someone by his side always.

"Oh I don't know. No rush."

Her casual tone threw his emotions off balance. "No rush? I thought you wanted to marry me." His voice sounded utterly crushed which surprised her.

"I do. Of course I do but what's wrong with what we have right now? Let's just enjoy these moments when it's all so new."

He looked at her completely dumbfounded, blinking and staring with his mouth agape. She thought he resembled Regulus the year Sirius decided to be a prat and told him there was no Santa Claus. "What?" He spoke softly and his lip trembled. "Sasha what are you saying?"

"I'm just saying what's wrong with what we have now?"

It was like a shadow came over his face as his jaw tensed and his eyes narrowed making a deep crease between his eyebrows. His formerly warm voice suddenly turned to ice. "You were going to marry Ivan quick enough." He spat out the name. "It turns my stomach to think how close you came to doing that."

"That was different. It didn't matter. I didn't love him. I told him I didn't love him but he didn't care. It wasn't love, just an arrangement."

He warmed slightly and longing clouded his tone. "But I thought this was forever."

"It is Severus but why do we have to get married this instant to make that so?"

"Because that's the right thing to do. Sasha, I believe marriage is the highest calling of all humanity. To dedicate your life to someone, to make a promise, it's why we are on this earth. I care about you. You care about me or so I thought. I want to be bound to you for the rest of my life."

"Then you shall be." She grasped both his hands in hers. "Severus this is a beautiful sentiment but we don't need a piece of paper to tell us that."

"That's all marriage is to you? A piece of paper?"

"Isn't it?"

"No. Not to me. If that's all it is to you then we are already in trouble."

"Please don't say that. Look Severus, my family treats marriage like a merger. You marry for bloodline, and wealth and power. Whether or not you love them is immaterial."

"Sasha, I don't believe that."

"Look at how I was traded away to Barty if you don't. No one even asked me what I thought of him or what he thought of me for that matter. Lucius needed a job; the Crouch family needed some cash and social standing. Fair exchange. Done deal."

"Just because marriage means little to some, doesn't degrade the entire institution." He was sputtering, feeling like the same schoolboy that used to plead his case with Lily.

"Severus, I'm not saying I'll never marry you or even that I don't want to. It's just that in my experience, it doesn't work out all the time and I love you enough that I don't want you to be stuck with me for the rest of your life because you made a snap decision after the first time you slept with someone."

"Uh." He sounded like he'd been punched in the stomach and Sasha knew immediately she'd said the wrong thing. "What? That's what you think this is? You think I'm some easily led schoolboy simpering after the first girl who will have me?"

"No. Now, you're being ridiculous."

"Am I? Sasha, I never make snap decisions. You know that."

"You don't normally but be honest. You barely had time to catch your breath and come down from your orgasm before you proposed."

"Damnit Sasha! Do you know how long I struggled with my feelings for you? Years. I didn't just pull this idea out of thin air. I want to be with you forever, don't you believe me?"

Oh how she wanted to. But honestly, she didn't. She spent years waiting for him and now that he was finally hers, she didn't trust it. He would reconsider and leave eventually.

"Oh, you don't do you?" The heartbreak was woven through his voice. He pulled her close to him desperately needing to feel her body against his. "Oh Sasha, do you think I'm going to leave you?"

She avoided his eyes.

"Sasha, please talk to me." He lifted her chin softly.

"Leaving would be preferable to staying out of duty if you tire of me."

"You're everything to me. My love I will never tire of you."

"You say that now."

"I'll say that always."

"But in case you don't, maybe we shouldn't get married just yet."

He pulled her cheek against his and held her tightly stroking her hair. For years he'd viewed her as the confident one and he the unsteady emotional wreck. Now however, when it was all in the open, it turned out to be the other way around. He was determined to meet the challenge; he would be the unshakable force in her life for as long as it took for her to trust him. It was he thought, his duty after so many years of his abominable behavior that surely brought her to this.

"Sasha Malfoy you listen to me. It's important to me that we get married. It's what I want most in the world. I'll wait forever if you want me to but I hope you won't do that do me. I just want to marry you and make you happy. I'm going to work and work until I've earned your trust and as soon as you're ready to marry me just say the word. I'll make it happen."

"Severus, I do love you. You know that don't you?"

"Yes." He kissed her softly and held her tightly as she drifted off to sleep. Sleep did not come however for Severus. Trust was the deal breaker. Unless he could get her to trust him, she would be lost to him again. Could he convince her to marry him before he killed Dumbledore? Even if he could, it wouldn't be fair to trick her. He couldn't tell her but he couldn't lie either. He had to think of a way out of his other commitments. There was only one commitment he was interested in now.

AN: Well it's official. You've made her crazy Severus. LOL This isn't the end of their story by a long shot. Things are never easy with Sev & Sash. Thanks for reading and reviewing. More drama to come


	64. Chapter 63 True Confessions Part 2

CHAPTER SIXTY-THREE

True Confessions Part Two

The next few weeks were sublime for Severus. Although their relationship was secret, they were able to maneuver successfully to spend every night and most of the weekends together. There was something thrilling about sneaking around and being with her in secret. For the first time, in a long time, he was having fun. His sexual appetite after a very long dry spell was insatiable, if he wasn't having her he was thinking about having her. Thankfully this seemed to be fine with Sasha and she was always too willing to please him. He passionately made love to her at least once every night and repeatedly declared his admiration, taking great care to ensure she felt secure and cherished. Even if she never agreed to set the date, he would happily spend the rest of his nights in this manner.

By day however they were merely professors who worked closely together and a casual observer would have no idea that there was anything more to their relationship. Their days were busy but they always made time to have breakfast together. It was wonderful to start the day with her, looking at her across the table and chatting comfortably about ordinary things. He felt more comfortable with her than with anyone else he'd ever known and was terribly relieved to be done with the chase. Now he could relax when they were together rather than plotting his next move, wondering what she was thinking or how she felt about him. He was confident in the knowledge that she loved him. She told him and showed him over and over. It struck him as remarkable how she was able to use that word so freely. No one in his family used that word and he had assumed the Malfoy clan was similar. Love wasn't a word he was comfortable with. In fact he'd never actually said he loved her, but he did and was sure she knew it. It wasn't necessary to say it.

This morning they were enjoying their tea and coffee while sharing sections of The Daily Prophet. He found it amusing that despite all that was going on in the world, she always grabbed the sports section first. He had no interest in it and so didn't mind if she took it first but he wondered if she was just trying to escape from the madness in the world or if the seriousness of it all hadn't set in. Either way he would not press her. Better if she didn't worry. He did enough of that for the both of them.

The post was delivered and an owl swooped in and dropped a letter in front of Sasha. They both looked at it curiously. Sasha picked it up and examined it with a curious expression, then tucked it into her robes. His muscles tensed, as he perceived her evasiveness. "Who was that from?"

Her smile was fake, the one that should be reserved for other men, not him. She was hiding something. "No one important." She said dismissively before taking a sip of her coffee.

His pulse quickened as he realized exactly who it was from. "It's from that snot nosed ex-fiancé of yours isn't it?"

She furrowed her brow as if considering her response.

"Isn't it?" He hissed as he jaw clenched tightly.

"Yes, it's from Ivan." She sounded reluctant.

"Why is he writing to you? What does he want?" His voice was low and chilling.

"I don't know. As you can see, I haven't read it yet."

He glared at her breathing hard. He knew he should feel sorry for Ivan. After all he was the one who lost Sasha. Now she was his to ravish every night as she told him over and over how she loved and adored him. He should feel sorry for this loser but he didn't, he felt a murderous rage that this whelp would dare to contact her. What was he thinking? Why would he think this was acceptable? Unless? No, it was too terrible to consider. Surely Sasha couldn't be encouraging him. Or could she? She was accustomed over the years to having at least two men on the hook at any given time. Maybe he wasn't man enough for her. His rage passed and his shoulders slouched. Looking down at his cup he felt like the rejected schoolboy of so many years ago.

"Severus," she touched his hand and he met her eyes hoping she couldn't see all the pain he was feeling in that moment. She looked around to see who was within earshot before she whispered. "I love only you. I have no idea what Ivan wants but if he wants me back it's hopeless."

"How long has he been writing to you?" He spoke through his clenched jaw.

"This is the first letter since New Years Eve."

"Have you written to him?"

"Only to return that gaudy bracelet he gave me."

"You returned it?" He sighed with relief. That ostentatious thing had always bugged him.

"Yes. I couldn't keep something so extravagant after we parted. Really I shouldn't have accepted it in the first place. Mother would say my manners were horrendous."

He admired her sweet expression and refused to ruin things again no matter what his natural tendencies might be. "I'm sorry Sasha."

"It's alright." She patted his hand but he quickly withdrew lest someone see this public display of affection. She sighed and took the letter out of her robes and held it out to him. "I have nothing to hide and to prove it, you read it first."

Shaking his head, he looked down embarrassed that she would think this necessary. "No Sasha, I'm not going to be the man who screens your post." _If she only knew. _

"Go ahead. That way you'll know I have nothing to hide."

"No, I don't want to." That was a lie. "I trust you Sasha." He wasn't sure if that was a lie or not. "I'm sure it would only infuriate me." That part was true.

"Fine, I'll read it to you." She started to open the letter.

"Please." He put up a hand to stop her. "I don't want to hear it. Besides, I've got an early class." He stood to go but stopped as he saw her pained expression. "It's fine Sasha I'll see you tonight."

"Okay, see you tonight then." She said sadly. He had that old nervous feeling he hadn't had since they made love on his birthday. The feeling of uncertainty that he loathed. He'd forgotten how maddening it was.

Dearest Sasha,

I am a defeated spirit since we parted ways on New Years Eve. To be so close to a life with you only to have it slip away is a crushing blow to me. I knew it was coming. I should have prepared myself. I know you don't love me, and I know you love Severus. If my brother couldn't push him out of your head after years of trying, I was a fool for even attempting to, but I couldn't stop myself.

I don't believe he could ever make you happy though. You are so full of life and love to laugh. He would keep you locked away only with him. What a waste that would be. You would tire of a life with him, all cooped up in the dungeons or the potions lab. Your love of sports and parties, he wouldn't allow it because it's not something he regards highly.

My point is, I'm waiting. I seriously doubt he'll ever wake up and realize what an incredible woman you are. And if he does, he'll squander the opportunity. When that happens, I'll be waiting. I love you.

Always your devoted servant,

Ivan

Severus was so engrossed in the letter he didn't hear the door open behind him. "What are you doing?" A tremor ran through his arms at the sound of her voice. This was not good. Quickly he tried to hide the letter in his robes.

"Waiting for you my love." He thought he sounded smooth but she saw right through him.

"You were reading Ivan's letter weren't you?"

"No, I was just…"

"Don't lie Severus." Her voice was slow and haughty, and he was struck by how much he reminded her of himself. "Just don't."

He invented that voice and it annoyed him to hear it directed at him, so he decided to give it right back to her. "Fine, I read the letter. So what?" His eyebrow shot up involuntarily.

"So what?" She circled him like a cat. "What happened to all that bullshit this morning about how you trust me?"

"I do trust you, I don't trust him."

"Nice try. You want to give me the impression that you trust me but you don't really do you? All that rubbish this morning about 'I don't want to be the man who screens your post.' But really that's exactly who you are isn't it?"

He said nothing but narrowed his eyes.

She shrugged. "I've only been gone two minutes, so you obviously knew where to find it. How long have you been reading my mail?"

Anger was rising in his core and he had an overwhelming desire to get everything out. He was so tired of lying. Let her see it all. Let her see who he really was. "Fine, I've read every letter that disgusting sack of dung has ever sent you. I hate him with a passion. I hate that you ever let him touch you. Is that what you want to hear? I fear he may be right, that I'll be no good for you and you'll tire of me."  
"Severus, stop."

"No. I won't stop. You should know it all and know it right now. I've read every letter Igor wrote to you too." He shocked himself at how the confessions were pouring out of him now.

Her eyes were wide with shock. "What?"

"That's right, while you were here and he was at Drumstrang, I read them all. I'd intercept the owls before they got to you in the morning. You had no business fooling around with that rat."

"No business? What business was it of yours?

He was on a roll now and couldn't stop. "He was trouble. He was always trouble. You're lucky as hell you didn't end up dead just like he did. Merlin I could never believe you let that scum touch you. He was all over you that year of the tournament, rolling around in the forbidden forest, snogging you on his ship. How disgusting! You profess to have always loved me. If that's true how could you let him?"

"You were spying on me."

"Someone has to look out for you, you're too irresponsible to look out for yourself."

"I don't need your protection."

"The hell you don't. You have no idea how dangerous things are right now."

"And you think that excuses your behavior?"

"I'm not asking to be excused, I'm telling you the way it is. This is who I am Sasha. I'm a spy. I'm a liar. It's no wonder you don't trust me, you shouldn't. Look at what I'm doing for Dumbledore; I'm good at it. My hand never shakes, my memories are selective and I never lose my nerve. It's part of me. You profess to know me so don't be surprised."

"So when we were in school, you didn't like it that I dated Igor?"

"No. I suppose not, nor Barty if I'm being honest."

" Why?" Her voice was softer now, sweeter. "You were in love with another."

"I don't know." He looked down and fiddled with the cuff of his robes. "You were my friend. You were so pretty, so kind to me. I just didn't think they deserved you." He sighed. Truly he didn't understand the behavior himself. How could he explain it to her? Duplicity wasn't a desirable quality one would want in a future husband.

"I never thought it mattered who I was with. I only wanted to be with you and I thought that would never be possible. I was only with them as attempts to forget you."

"Oh don't say that." He groaned. "I can't bear to think that I drove you to lower yourself in that manner."

"Hey," She took his face in her hands. "None of this matters anymore." She kissed him and he melted against her. For a second he considered telling her his plans with Draco and Dumbledore, but quickly thought better of it. He would have to continue that lie in order to survive.

"It's no wonder you don't trust me Sasha. I've been deceitful reading your post and spying on you. Here I am asking you to marry me and trust me with you life and happiness. You can't even trust me with your mail."

"It's okay Severus. I actually like the fact that you're a little possessive. I'd hate to think that you were okay with me getting letters from other men or snogging them. I like to think that all these years even if you didn't love me, you may have been ever so slightly obsessed with me."

"It wasn't very honorable of me I'm afraid."

"We are all fools in love. I so wanted you to be jealous and provoke you into reacting."

He smirked. "And I thought I had issues. I always said you should have been in Slytherin."

"Ha! We're quite a pair." Sasha laughed and pushed him back on the bed while kissing him hungrily. His hands began to roam her body until she abruptly pulled away. "Want to hear my true confession?"

"If I say no, you're going to tell me anyway aren't you?"

"Yes."

"Well?"

She sighed unsure how he would react. "I'm a wiz a potions." He pulled back his face to look at her more closely. "I always have been. I only pretended to fail so you could help me." He stared at her blankly in silence, and then raised one eyebrow.

"You're joking."

"Nope, ask Slughorn. He knew all along but never told."

A smile spread across his lips and laughter slowly rose from his chest.

"I knew you wouldn't believe me. Go ahead. Name the most complex potion you can think of and I'll go to the lab and brew it this instant."

"No, I believe you. That sounds like something you would do actually. I'm laughing because your father paid me a fortune over the years to tutor you and you didn't even need the lessons."

"Pfft, he could afford it."

He smiled thoughtfully gazing into her lovely eyes, still snickering at her plotting.

"So your not angry?" She bit her bottom lip.

"I've no right to be. It appears we are two of a kind."

"Well, while we're at it I should tell you something else."

"Sasha, how much more can we take today?"

"Haven't you ever wondered why I always undressed in front of the window?"

He narrowed his eyes at her.

"I knew you were watching."

His smile was evil as he glanced at the clock. "That's it." He rolled on top of her. "We have an hour till my next class. You're mine."

_AN: Surprised? Two scheming neurotics—how romantic __ Everyone going to see DH1 this weekend? I have to wait till Tuesday booohooo!_


	65. Chapter 64 The Dark Side

CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR

The Dark Side

Severus stared dreamily at her over breakfast one morning as he recalled the night before. Despite months of enjoying the pleasure of her body on a nightly basis, the novelty of it all had not worn off. He was enthralled with her every movement, the way she sipped her coffee, the way she pushed a wisp of flaxen hair behind her ear and the way she would occasionally meet his eyes and smile slyly. Her eyes met his across the table, deep blue sea meeting the darkness.

"What are you thinking about right now?" She smiled knowingly at him.

He stifled a grin, not wanting to betray himself to anyone who might be watching and kept his stern expression on her. "What do you think?" He raised his eyebrows using a condescending tone normally reserved for students.

This made her giggle softly. "Last night?"

"Obviously." He drawled. His mouth began to water as he recalled their passionate encounter the night before. He was becoming bolder in his requests and the liberties he dared to take. The night before he seduced her on her polar bear skin rug in front of the roaring fireplace. She told him a long time ago that the rug was a gift from Igor. Supposedly he killed the animal himself. Violating her on top of it gave him a smug bit of satisfaction. _Fuck Karkaroff._ Anytime he was with Sasha it was phenomenal but the added sensation of fur, the heat of the fireplace and her minor betrayal of Karkaroff made the entire experience positively decadent. He had fantasized about having her on that spot since the moment he first entered her chambers years ago on the night of the Yule Ball and saw the rug. He still couldn't believe she was open to it. He was very conservative and prior to last night hadn't dared to ask for her anywhere other than the bed. To have her someplace unusual heightened the sensation for him and this morning he was obsessing over where they could indulge their passion next.

He began to wonder if she still fantasized about him. She said she did before they began their relationship, but never offered more details. She was far more adventurous than he and would most likely envision something outrageous. "Sasha," he said in a low voice so no one would hear, "do you ever have any… fantasies?"

She looked down at her cup and tried unsuccessfully to contain a fit of laughter. Despite months together she still had the power of throwing him completely off balance. _What was so laughable about that question?_

"Severus Snape you are a naughty boy. Ten points from Slytherin. How will you ever earn them back?" She smiled seductively at him raising her eyebrows.

He sneered at her while his loins went up in flames. "You did not answer my question Miss Malfoy. I think you are being evasive with me."

"Of course I am. I can't tell you all my outlandish sexual fantasies right in the middle of the great hall over breakfast. A fine Malfoy lady like myself? Really Severus how presumptuous of you."

"Yes you can." His eyes burned into hers. "In fact that's exactly what I want you to do."

She stifled a grin. "You want me to talk dirty to you at seven thirty in the morning in the middle of the Great Hall while it's full of students?"

"Indeed I do." One eyebrow shot up and he was becoming more aroused by the second.

She could repress herself no longer and smiled broadly at him. "Well there is one I have but it's kind of crazy." She wiped her fingers with a napkin and tossed it down on the table.

"Yes?" She had his full attention.

"Well," she leaned in closely knowing full well this would give him a nice look down her blouse. His eyes immediately dropped as planned. "I've always wanted to do you in the prefect's bath."

His breathing was getting heavier and he covered his groin with his robes. Her smile was mischievous and his mind began to follow her train of thought as he imagined what it would be like to have her in there, in the large ornate room, in the vast bath in hot water. He was already planning out how to accomplish this. "All prefects have a meeting today immediately following lunch. The room will be…unoccupied."

"Severus," she giggled. "We can not do that."

"Oh but we can." His dark eyes continued to penetrate hers with searing intensity. "I'll secure the door. No one will know. It will be our little secret." He hissed.

A wry smile crossed her lips. "Yes. I'll meet you there. It will be our secret."

"One o'clock. Do not disappoint me." He rose to leave but she grabbed his hand and gazed at him seductively.

"Oh I assure you professor. You will not be disappointed."

It was the longest morning of his life. He counted the minutes until they would meet up for this delicious fantasy. When he wasn't counting minutes, he was counting the ways and number of times he could have her before his next class.

Sasha waited by the window near the prefect's bathroom at exactly one o'clock. She smiled to herself as she thought about how Severus had jumped on the opportunity to fulfill this fantasy. The longer they were together, the bolder he became with her and it thrilled her to no end. She stared out the window and became lost in her musings so that she was startled when she heard the door open. She jumped and turned in time to see someone entering the bathroom, the end of their Gryffindor scarf trailing behind them. She sighed wondering how long they would be in there.

"You sound impatient Professor Malfoy." The lovely sound of his voice never ceased to make her weak in the knees.

"I am." She grinned naughtily at him. "I was supposed to meet someone here at one o'clock and they are five minutes late." She said tapping her wrist though she never wore a watch.

"I suggest you check your time piece my dear. It is precisely one o'clock now."

They were interrupted by a crash from the prefect's bath. They briefly locked eyes before Severus went to see what the cause of the noise was. He opened the door slowly and then sighed heavily in annoyance before entering the room. Sasha quickly followed and was shocked by what she saw.

"Draco!" Sasha ran to her nephew's ravaged body lying in a pool of water. She looked up to see Harry standing there. "What did you do to him?" It was more of an accusation than a question; she already knew the curse that would do something like this. She also knew who invented it and she watched the creator chanting the healing spell to repair the damage. She was suddenly starting to shake. This is the Severus that frightened her as well as drew her in at the same time. How could the same man who at such a young age invented such a destructive and vicious curse, then reveal himself to be such a tender and talented healer? Severus Snape was an enigma. As much as she loved him there was something she still feared about him. And yet, she could never stay away from him.

Draco groaned and began to come around. She quickly refocused on her nephew, kneeling beside him and stroking his hair out of his eyes so she could meet his terrified expression. "Draco, my darling it's alright. It's Aunt Sasha. You're going to be fine. Professor Snape and I will take excellent care of you." His eyes so nearly identical to hers met her gaze and she was struck by how panic-stricken they seemed. It wasn't an expression normally seen in Malfoy eyes.

As Severus worked on Draco with steely intensity to mend the wounds Sasha rounded on Harry. "What the hell were you doing?"

"We were fighting. I didn't know. I didn't know what the curse would do."

"And do you often hurl unknown curses at people just to see what will happen?" She waved her arms in anger as she spoke. "Damn it! You're just like James & Sirius." She was angry and not thinking when she spoke and immediately wished she hadn't said it.

"Professor Malfoy!" Came a stern voice behind her. She turned to see Severus helping Draco up. "Take your nephew to the infirmary. I'll deal with Mr. Potter."

She gave Harry a smug look knowing he was in for it now. She wondered if Dumbledore would actually allow The Chosen One to be expelled and was confident that Severus would push for it. Although Harry was one of her favorites, he had just crossed family, beloved family. "Come with me darling." She steadied Draco and they walked in silence to the hospital wing. He was still catching his breath. Madame Pomfrey was alone in the wing when they entered and immediately flew into action. "What happened to him?"

"Sectumsempra." Sasha whispered.

Pomfrey's eyes grew wide with shock as she stared at Sasha. "No."

"Yes. Professor Snape is with the culprit." Pomfrey took over and helped the young man to bed before giving him a potion and examining the wounds.

"You're a lucky young man Mr. Malfoy. Professor Snape is an excellent healer and you're not likely to scar much."

"Leave me alone." Draco said waving her off. Pomfrey turned to Sasha in surprise. Sasha held up her hand.

"He's had quite a shock I'm afraid. I'll sit with my nephew for a while now."

Pompfrey nodded and left for the other side of the wing.

"Are you going to tell me what happened Draco?"

"Isn't it bloody obvious what happened?" He snapped with terror in his voice. "Potter attacked me." His voice was high and cracked, which was what Lucius did when he lied. He sniffled and his breathing was shallow.

"I think there's more to it than that. You and Professor Snape are up to something and I want to know what it is."

He winced and his lower lip quivered. He looked like he could use to talk to someone.

"Come now Draco, we're family. You can talk to Aunt Sasha." She purred while stroking the hair back from his forehead. He looked desperately at her and held her hand tightly while taking a deep breath. He was ready to unload on someone. Finally she would find out what Severus was keeping from her.

"Might I have a word with you Professor Malfoy?" Came the familiar deep voice behind her. She was busted, and he was angry. With an exasperated sigh, she turned to follow him to a dark corner of the wing. He snapped one of the privacy curtains shut. "I want you to return to your classes. I'll stay with Draco. I need to speak with him."

"Severus, he's my nephew. I should stay with him."

"I'll not have you snooping around and upsetting him. He needs rest. I'll come see you after dinner and we will talk."

"Snooping? Look who's talking." He made no response, merely glaring at her. She knew it would be hopeless to argue with him when he was in such a commanding temper. "Fine. I'm going to speak to Minerva about her charge that's running amuck with dark spells. I'm going to fix him." She turned to leave but he grabbed her arm hard causing her to wince.

"You'll do nothing of the sort. I've handled it. You keep your mouth shut. No one is to know of this. I told you we will talk later." She did not like to be ordered around and jerked away from him hard. His intense dark eyes met hers and she glared right back at him.

"Do as you please Snape." She turned her back on him and marched toward the door slamming it open and shut with her wand as she went.

Sasha was too angry to put much thought into her lessons today. She loaded the students up with essays to keep them quiet while she thought.

Severus did not appear at dinner and she heard a few people mention that he had cancelled his afternoon classes and left the grounds to attend to business. _No doubt to see Cissy about whatever it is he doesn't trust me with._

Sasha was pacing in her chambers when the clock struck ten. She decided to give up waiting on him and go to bed, when there was a knock at the door. She opened it and met his eyes. He still looked angry and harried, like he didn't want to be there. She said nothing but opened the door wide to let him pass. She slammed the door behind him and immediately went on the attack hoping to catch him with his guard down.

"Are you going to tell me how this happened?"

"You were there." He shrugged.

"I'm sure you've already entered Harry's mind to find out how he knew about the dark magic that you invented."

"How did you know about that spell?"

"Death Eaters boast like mad over their accomplishments. I know you invented that spell in school. You once turned it on James as I recall."

Severus smirked recalling how he had nailed James with the spell when he most deserved it.

"Well, I'm glad you're so pleased with yourself Severus. How did Harry know the spell? Did you teach it to him?" Her comment wiped the smirk right of his face.

"What? No, of course not? How can you think such a thing?"  
"Well when you lie and hide things from me I have to fill in the blanks."

As usual she had him. "He found my old copy of Advanced Potion Making. As you may recall I have a habit of making notes in the margins."

"I see. Did you retrieve it?"

"No. Nor will I. He may need the knowledge it contains as things progress. It's already saved Mr. Wealsey's life. He would have never been able to stop that poison without my notes."

"Bullshit! As a member of Draco's family I demand to know what you're going to do about this."

"Mr. Potter will be in detention with me every Saturday until the end of the year, which will also mean no more quidditch." He was confident that the loss of something as dear to her as quidditch would sooth her temper. He was wrong.

"What? No more quidditch? He should be expelled! Since when do you let Harry get away with the slightest infraction? I'm going to speak to Albus."

"Albus is aware of everything and I don't want to draw attention to Draco."

She snorted and rolled her eyes, unaccustomed to being put off like this. "This is entirely unacceptable."

"I'm sorry you feel that way but it's not your decision."

"At least tell me why you're letting him off the hook and what's got Draco so upset besides being attacked. I know you're up to your neck in it. You reek of it."

He gripped the back of a chair and clenched his jaw tightly. "Why must we have this conversation over and over? I've told you. There are many things I cannot share with you. Stop prying. Stop trying to interrogate Draco."

"This from the man who reads my mail and spies on me with other men. At least I'm not _that_ depraved. You've been hanging out with the Dark Lord too much these days. It's all coming back to you now isn't it? Lucius says it's just like riding a broom. You never forget."

Fury burned within Severus. How dare she throw this in his face? She was clueless. His hands balled into fists involuntarily and he knew he had to get out of there before one of them said or did something unforgivable. He spoke slowly and coldly as his eyes burned into hers. "This conversation…is..over." He had one hand on the door before her words cracked like a whip across his back.

"Oh yes that's right just run away. That's what you always do you coward!"

Severus had opened the door but now slammed it shut in fury. Ice hardened in his veins and cooled his tone of voice. "You dare to call me a coward after all you know about me? You of all people."

"That's right." She spat circling him like prey. "Brave in battle and covert operations but you're terrified of telling me the truth and always running out on me. I knew it was just a matter of time before you retreated from what we have no matter what you promised."

His words went from ice cold to white hot. "You have no idea what I'm going through. Just because I can't share every bloody detail with you doesn't mean I'm not walking through fire for you, for us, every day. If you weren't so bloody self involved, you'd know that." He spat.

"Self involved? Are you kidding me? My entire life centers on you and always has. You might know that if you weren't running scared all the time you coward."

Severus exploded with rage at the sound of the hated c word for the second time. He grabbed her by the shoulders and slammed her against the bookcase. "Take it back."

"No." She raised her chin in defiance and despite his anger he found this incredibly sexy.

"I said take it back." His voice was icy but his blood was burning.

"Every time things get tough you run out on me."

"Not tonight." He held her hands above her tight against the shelf as his mouth descended on hers. She resisted at first but then gave in and kissed him back hungrily. His kiss was intense and mesmerizing. "Say you take it back." He breathed an inch from her face. She could not bring herself to respond. He began to kiss her neck hungrily.

"Sev, stop." She was gasping for air. "You'll make me faint."

"I want you to faint. Take it back." He assailed her again with his kiss and this time felt her resolve crumble beneath his touch. "Say it."

"I take it back." She breathed.

He kissed her forcefully again. As livid as he was he just couldn't get enough of her. "You're always pushing, leading me around while I follow. Not tonight." He paused only to indulge his passion and kiss her deeply again. She was putty in his hands. "Tonight you belong to me." With a flick of his wand and a non-verbal spell her clothes were gone. He thought she would be aroused by this maneuver but he was very wrong. She gasped and slapped him hard across the face. "You filthy bastard."

His eyes burned and he felt his nose start to bleed. Hell flew into him and he threw her naked body face first across the bed and began to undo his trousers. She had to be controlled. He had to dominate her. He was a man possessed by his dark side until he heard her cry. "Oh, Severus no. Please no."

He froze. What had he become? He'd become like Barty Jr., no worse than that. She loved him she trusted him and this was how he treated her. The sight of her bracing for him made him physically ill. Her graceful hands and arms folded over her head and the way her back was shaking from sobs. This strong beautiful woman he adored looked so fragile, so defenseless and it was his fault. She was absolutely right. He was being drawn in once again. Every time he was with the Dark Lord he felt the power course through him. Every time he fooled the Dark Lord he felt invincible. As before he was becoming drunk with a sense of power and entitlement and it was blinding him to everything that really mattered to him.

"Oh….Sash…I…oh…I…" He was dumbfounded and sputtering. She shook her head violently still sobbing and crawled up the bed away from him. She was choking on tears and trying to cover herself with a blanket, now ashamed to let him see her naked. "Sasha…I would never." His voice trembled as he moved closer and placed his hand on her back.

"Don't touch me."

"Sasha, please. You were right. You're right about everything. Please don't cast me out. I'll be lost without you." It was his turn to shake and cower now. He crouched on the floor at her feet with his head in his hands shaking with sobs. "I would never hurt you. I would never…" but his voice was lost as he wailed uncontrollably. How could he have done this? How could he have surrendered to his dark side after all that had happened in his life and all the hope that Sasha now offered him?

He felt her kneel beside him and put her arms around him. He fell into her as she rested her head on his back while he continued to shake. "Severus, it's alright. I know you just got carried away in the passion of the moment. After my history, I guess I over reacted." A stream of fresh anguish spewed forth from him as the shame of having her cover for his actions added to his pain.

"Don't say that Sasha. I don't deserve a pass for this. My behavior is inexcusable."

She took his face in her hands and tried to pull his eyes to hers but he resisted, unable to look at her. "Severus look at me. Please." He took a deep breath and slowly turned to meet her eyes. His stomach flipped with relief as his eyes were met by kindness that he did not deserve but craved so desperately. "I've loved you through worse than this." He grimaced and closed his eyes. He thought she would be kind but she cut him to the quick. He looked at the floor and wished he were dead. "Oh, that came out wrong. What I mean is, this is nothing to us. This is two passionate people with terrible tempers who, thank goodness stopped themselves before it went to far. Look at me Severus." He unwillingly met her eyes again and her soft lips brushed against his. "I love you Severus. Nothing can tear us apart now."

"I'm so sorry Sasha."

"I know. Let me get myself together and then we can try this conversation again like the two rational loving people that we are." She stood and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. He was left in a heap of disgrace on the floor. How long would she continue to forgive his abysmal behavior? Sooner or later he knew his good fortune and her patience would wear out. He didn't want to face her and contemplated running out the door before she came back but thought that then she might be lost forever.

He dug deep inside himself and found his strength as he always did. He walked over to fireplace and waved his wand. "Incendio." The flames flew upward instantly bringing life back into the cold and desolate room. He knew drink would not solve his issues but desperately needed one to pull himself together. He poured them both a brandy and walked to the couch across from the fire. As he did he caught sight of himself in the mirror. What could she want with him at this moment? He looked haggard and twenty years older than he was. He sat down and slouched over his drink before taking a sip and being grateful for the burning sensation in his chest. He deserved to feel pain at this moment.

He heard the bathroom door and her soft footsteps coming towards him. Gone was her usual overtly sexual lingerie no doubt she didn't want to arouse his violent beastly nature again. She wore a pair of his boxers with a Slytherin crest and a dark green tank top that looked lovely with her hair. He'd never seen her look more beautiful but was terrified of telling her so. He managed a weak smile and handed her the drink he had poured for her. She took it and flopped on the couch, then clinked her glass against his and took a long drink. Her casual easy mannerisms as they frequently did, reminded him of Sirius. _Merlin Sirius would kill me right now if given the chance. _

"Kiss me Severus." She said softly. He obliged and pushed her hair back slowly, afraid of scaring her and kissed her as softly as he could. She smiled sweetly and took his glass, setting both glasses on the table. Then she took his hands in hers.

"Severus, what was that about tonight? That wasn't you. That's not the man I know."

"No, it's not. Sasha please believe me, it's not."

"I know that. Severus I know I shouldn't push you but these secrets, they're just making me insane with worry."

"Sasha there are things I'm going to have to do that are terrible. Things you might not understand."

"I know you can't always tell me everything. I want to trust you but I can't stand not knowing."

"I know, but some of the things well, they might be difficult for you to understand."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, the Dark Lord plays for keeps as you say. I'm going to have to do some horrible things as part of my role. Things that may confuse you make you question what you know of me. You're not going to understand and I won't be able to explain. Not for a very long time."

"Sev, you're scaring me."

"You should be scared. This isn't like telling a little lie or some reversible charm. Just like today. People will get hurt. I'll have to hurt them."

"Oh Severus. Tell me what's going on."

"I can't Sasha." He paused to kiss her gently. "I can only tell you that everything I do puts us one step closer to defeating Voldemort even if it doesn't seem like it. It puts us one step closer to a future together. That is, if you still want that."

"Of course I do." She hugged him tightly and he exhaled with relief. "I'm going in blind but I'll always be behind you."

He kissed her again and held her face in his hands. "Sasha, you will be put to the test. Everyone I know will walk away from me. I'll be condemned, despised and you'll feel pressure to walk away from me like everyone else. I wouldn't blame you if you did."

"Severus Snape, I will NEVER walk away from you. You are my heart." She kissed him deeply and as her tongue caressed his he melted against her. "I promise you."

He met her eyes and wanted desperately to believe it were possible.

"Come to bed." She stood up and pulled softly at his hand.

"You would invite me into your bed after what just happened?"

"We will never speak of that again." She said resolutely. "It doesn't matter to us." He thought that was a very aristocratic thing to say, just sweeping it under the rug for appearances sake. He was however extremely grateful. "I just want to be in your arms tonight. I need you Severus."

"You have me." He followed her to bed and sat down to remove his boots. She knelt behind him and unbuttoned the twenty plus buttons on his coat. She pulled it from his shoulders and then did the same with his white shirt underneath, pulling him out of it and tossing it aside. He felt a desperate longing for her but for the first time in months, not in a sexual way. He just needed to be close to her. She pulled back the covers and they snuggled underneath them in silence. Thirty minutes later, the tension was easing from their bodies but they still hadn't spoken a word or moved. She gazed into his eyes. "I love you Severus." He wanted to say it back, but he was for the moment, emotionally paralyzed and kissed her forehead. "I desperately need you to love me." Was as close as he could get.

_AN: Uh-oh, Sev's getting sucked back into his dark little world. Will Sasha be strong enough to hold him in the light? He is a lovable whack-job._

_Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving (in America) and enjoyed Deathly Hallows last week. Great movie but our man could have used some more screen time. His face when he saw Charity hovering over the table. Wow!_


	66. Chapter 65 No Way Out

CHAPTER SIXTY-FIVE

I Want Out

Severus woke many times through the night each time terrified that Sasha would have come to her senses and left him. Each time however, he opened his eyes to find her sleeping peacefully in his arms. And each time he wound them tighter around her dreading the moment when he knew he would have to release her perhaps forever. He cringed as he recalled his abusive behavior. She was correct in her assumptions. His work with the Dark Lord and Dumbledore was having a terrible affect on him. He would have to make some changes in his life if their relationship was to survive. "Don't worry Sasha." He whispered as he kissed her forehead. "I'll make everything alright."

"Hmmm." She stirred and opened her eyes halfway. "Severus, thank goodness. I was trying not to fall asleep. I was scared to death you would leave as soon as I drifted off."

She stretched casually in his arms like a lazy content cat and had no idea how her words crushed him. He leave her? How could she think that? "Sasha, I will never leave you. Please believe me."

She smiled drowsily. "I love you Severus. Do you still want to marry me?" She asked sleepily.

Her voice was languid and leisurely while his was edgy. "With every fiber of my being."

"How about July? That will give me time over the summer to plan. I know we can't invite anyone, but if we're careful maybe we can sneak away for a few precious days just the two of us. Does that please you?"

"That sounds heavenly." He whispered while caressing her back and pulling her close enough to kiss her softly. She had no idea how grateful he was to hear these words even if it was never to be. "I thought after tonight, you would be less inclined to marry me than ever before. Isn't this what you were afraid of?"

She shrugged. "We worked it out. We always do. That we are able to do so makes me believe it's forever." She snaked her pale fingers through his dark hair and he kissed he inside of her wrist as she did and greedily inhaled her perfume trying to memorize all the details about her. "What kind of wedding would you like?" She whispered while kissing his neck.

"I don't care. I just want it to happen. Tell me what to wear and when to show up. I'm at your disposal." He groaned as he savored the feel of her lips on his neck.

She laughed softly. "You're such a guy. Don't you care at all?"

"I only care that it makes you happy. Set up what ever you want and I'll be ecstatic." He pulled her tightly against him so she couldn't see his pained expression. He knew July was too late. Albus would be dead long before them. He only had a few precious weeks left with her and then everything would change. He was desperate to find a way out of this before she was lost to him for good. He only knew one person who could save him from this fate and made a point to see Albus privately later that week.

The air was still cool as Severus and Albus walked the perimeter of the forest. Spring was on its way and everyone seemed to be rushing the season a bit, but the coolness of the night air was a reminder that they weren't so far from winter. Albus was going on about the foliage, which did not interest Severus in the least. He had more important things weighing heavily on his mind. After listening to Dumbledore ramble too long, he blurted it out.

"I want out."

"You want out? That's impossible Severus. Why would you even bother to make such an absurd request?" Albus didn't bother to disguise the irritation in his voice.

"You presume too much about me Albus. I'm tired of it all. I don't want to kill you. None of this fits into my life any longer."

"Fits into your life? This is bigger than just your life. Severus we've been over this. It's less a killing and more of an assisted suicide. Why would you want to begrudge me the dignified and noble death of a warrior?" Dumbledore examined him closely and then seemed to understand. "Oh Severus." His voice was grave and anguished as the realization of what was happening swept over him. "Oh my son." Albus beamed at him.

Severus glared back, irritated at this patronizing tone and expression.

"You're in love aren't you?"

He continued to glare daggers at the old man. "Yes." It was pointless to lie. "But that doesn't concern you."

"It's Sasha isn't it?" Dumbledore smiled lovingly at him; obviously happy for the man he had considered an adopted son. The growth he'd seen in Severus over the years warmed his heart but he was always concerned that he never seemed to let anyone in. Now here he was besotted with someone Albus always knew adored him, even when others despised him.

"Yes. It's Sasha Malfoy."

"I know she has loved you for many years. Since your first year if I'm not mistaken. You know after she left Hogwarts she would frequently write to me and inquire after your well-being. And now finally you love her in return." His voice was sentimental like a grandfather.

"I'm not in the mood for details, I just want out."

"I'm very sorry Severus. You can't just say you want out and that's it." Dumbledore sighed heavily with regret for the two lovers. "I think this newfound love is clouding your judgment."

"Nothing is clouding my judgment." He snapped. "Quite the contrary, my mind has never been more clear." His mind did feel clearer than ever.

"Severus, I'm happy for you both. But you know perfectly well you can't walk away from this. Voldemort would never let you out and you would jeopardize the entire operation."

That Dumbledore was pointing out the obvious was making him furious. Severus knew it was true, but he did not want to accept it. "If I kill you Sasha will never forgive me. I cannot…no I will not lose her. There has to be another way." Severus was adamant. He was determined to find a way out.

"There isn't. And you've made the unbreakable vow Severus. If you don't fulfill your promise you will die. What good would you be to Sasha then?"

Severus cut him off loudly. "You and I are two very powerful intelligent wizards, we can devise a way out of it."

"There is no way out Severus, no other solution. You have given your word to me as well as Narcissa. Your path is chosen."

Severus sat down on a stump with his head in his hands. "I can not lose her Albus. She's my only hope, my salvation. Please don't make me do this."

"There is no other way my son. And you know as well as I do that until Voldemort is defeated, you cannot have a decent life with Sasha. We must gather all our courage and go forward fighting. We can not go back."

"What if she can't forgive me? What if she deserts me?"

"I don't think she will. It's not in her nature. Consider her life, she's a very forgiving person, something you need badly. I know she's loved you always no matter what you've done to her or how much you may have loved another woman. She pinned all her hopes on you. It isn't possible that she would cast you off in a time of war when she knows you will have to fight for survival." He patted Severus on the back. "When it's all over, you can tell her everything, and it will be fine." Severus stood and they resumed their walk.

"What if it's too late by then."

"That we can not predict, but you must not focus on the negative Severus. Sasha loves you. You love her. Focus on the present."

Severus slouched as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. It really was.

"As we have discussed before Severus. This is dangerous for both of you."

"I never thought this would happen Albus." He snapped. "I didn't think I was capable of feeling this way."

"You felt this way about Lily."

Severus shook his head. "This is different. I don't know why, but it is." He did know why, but wasn't about to discuss the joy of sex with this old man.

"Because she loves you back that's why it's different." Severus stopped walking and Dumbledore realized that his offhanded remark had been hurtful. As always Severus focused on the negative that Lily never loved him rather than taking the comment as a positive that Sasha did. "Come now my son. Tell Sasha you love her and ask her to have faith. If I know her she will and we will all go forward together."

AN: So let me know what you think! They don't have much longer together before Severus does what you know he's going to do.

I love to hear your reviews and comments Writers crack.


	67. Chapter 66 Late NightTension

CHAPTER SIXTY-SIX

Late night…tension

Days on the calendar were clicking off at a furious pace as the day Severus was dreading most approached quickly. Albus was in an increasing amount of pain and it was clear that the damage from the curse was spreading and he was suffering. This sadly made it easier for Severus to come to terms with that part of his assignment. He would be sparing Albus from and agonizing death. To end his life at his request under such circumstances was an honor in some twisted way. Sasha however was another matter. Every second counted with her now, but she was completely in the dark about it and he didn't want to worry her further.

When he looked back on these days the thing he would remember most was how their relationship had fallen into a comforting rhythm and how attentive she was to him. Never before in his life had someone taken care of him the way she did. Before she came back into his life he lived out his solitary existence and did everything for himself. Now she looked after him, doing little things like making sure he ate healthily and didn't indulge in more than one brandy in the evening. She organized his closet and convinced him to get rid of a few items she considered unbecoming or just past their prime. Occasionally she surprised him with new items of clothing to 'upgrade his wardrobe' as she said. He'd never paid any attention to these types of things before and couldn't care less about them now, but he liked the fact that she wanted to help him be at his best. It was a small simple kindness but it gave him a warm feeling inside.

His most vivid memory was a warm spring evening in her room. She had opened her windows and the evening breeze was blowing in the fragrance of a lilac tree outside her window. He was mentally exhausted and stretched his long legs out on her couch. He leaned his head back, closed his eyes and began to rub his temples. The burden of what was to come was pressing down on him bringing physical exhaustion as well. She was trying to pull him out of his funk. "Severus!" She said as she bounced down on the couch. "It's a beautiful evening. Let's take a walk down to the Black Lake and have a picnic." He so wanted to accept her invitation and go with her, leaving his responsibilities in the castle and perhaps taking her away forever but it was not to be.

"I'm tired Sasha."

She was obviously disappointed but then smiled lovingly at him. "It's alright." She kissed him playfully on the tip of his nose and pushed his hair back. "You do look exhausted. I know just what you need." She reached for his boots and pulled them off. He smiled weakly at her as she stood up and pulled him off the couch towards the bed.

"Hmm," He sighed. He was never too tired for what he thought she had in mind.

"Lay down." She ordered while gently shoving him to a seated position on the bed.

"Gladly." He smirked and lay down on his back.

"Easy big guy." She teased. "Roll over." He looked at her with a puzzled expression, but did as she asked.

She straddled him and began to massage his tired muscles causing him to groan with pleasure louder than he normally did when she touched him. "That feels wonderful Sasha. You always know exactly what I need."

"Shh," she whispered. "Your muscles are so tense. Just relax and let me take care of you." She leaned forward and kissed the back of his neck sending a shiver across his shoulders.

She was right; he was even more tense than usual and for good reason. Ever since his conversation with Albus he had been dreading the future more than ever. He felt like a train heading full speed towards a brick wall with no brakes. He was toying with the idea of telling her what he was about to do. If she hated him for it, he would be no worse off than he would be in a few weeks anyway, but he would lose precious time with her and he was unwilling to gamble with the few moments they had left.

If however she understood, he could go forward with the confidence that she would be waiting for him when this war was over. His head would be clearer and he could focus on the task at hand rather than worry about the consequences. Even better, he would have someone to share this burden with. But she would worry, worse yet she may want to help him. The thought of her mixed up in his twisted mission was unbearable. He was stuck doing this in order to preserve her nephew Draco's soul. If she thought that either of their souls were in danger, she would meddle. She may even attempt to do it for him and that was absolutely unacceptable. No, she could not be involved at all.

However not knowing the future was killing him. He had to know where her loyalties would be. Perhaps he could gain a sense of it without telling her. Dumbledore was right when he said she was a forgiving person. She still loved her brother Lucius, still adored the memory of Regulus and was loyal to the end to that joker Igor Karkaroff. Perhaps there would be hope for him.

With this glimmer of hope, and under her careful touch the tension began to ebb from his body and he gave a sigh of semi-contentment. Sasha ran each of her hands along his outstretched arms until her hands were on his and she was lying on his back. She rested her cheek against his. "Feeling better?"

"Much."

She pushed his hair out of the way and began to nibble on his earlobe while breathing softly into his ear and lacing her fingers between his. "How much?"

Severus laughed softly and twisted beneath her until they were face to face. She kissed him hungrily as he lay there enjoying it and letting her have her way. Then he suddenly flipped her over on her back as she let out a scream of delight. "This much," he said before his lips crushed hers and he took control.

He was in no mood to waste valuable seconds with her fooling with buttons of zippers and waved his wand once to dispose of their clothing before tossing it aside. She arched her back while laughing at this sudden move. "Your Slytherin is showing." She giggled.

"That's the idea." He mumbled while trailing kisses down her neck to her breasts. She laughed again at his pun and his erection grew as he enjoyed the feel of her flesh convulsing beneath him. Slowly he brushed his cheeks against her breasts focusing on the perfume and smoothness of her flesh. He would make love to her slowly and methodically tonight with the goal of memorizing every detail of her body. They were close enough to the day of reckoning that every time could be the last time and Severus would make sure that every delicious second counted. At any moment, things could change and these small details would have to sustain him. He would study her like a textbook, wanting to be an authority on all things Sasha.

He caressed her right breast with his rough hands while teasing her nipple with his mouth. She whispered his name, which thrilled him as always and he looked up to watch how she enjoyed his touch, with her eyes closed and a smile curling up at the ends of her mouth. He turned his eyes again to her breast and caressed it again but then stopped as he noticed for the first time a beauty mark under her breast. He smiled to himself at the discovery of this new detail. He moved his fingers back and forth over it before kissing it softly then pausing to memorize the shape of this tiny feature. "I've never noticed your birthmark before Sasha."

"Oh yes," she giggled, "I forget it's there."

He continued to look at this new discovery and run his fingers back and forth over it. He smiled to himself. "I'm the only one who knows it's there."

"The only one living."

His smile faded and his blood suddenly turned cold as he looked up to meet her eyes with horrifying stillness. Jealous thoughts of the Karkaroff brothers raced through his head. The thought of them touching her made his skin crawl. How could she say such things to him?

Sasha rolled her eyes. "My parents and our old nanny. I was a baby once you know. Not everything is sexual." She smiled at him as his expression softened, then she ruffled his hair. "I love you Severus even if you are a jealous fool."

He closed his eyes in mild embarrassment. "I just don't want to share you Sasha."

"For goodness sake, you're not sharing me with anyone." She said lightly.

"I wish our pasts had been different. I've wasted so much time. I've wasted time I should have been spending with you. All my terrible choices…" his voice trailed off.

"Hey, I thought we'd gone over this." She propped herself up on her elbows. "You were just a kid."

"How can you do it Sasha? How can you look at me and profess to love me after all you know about my past?"

"People make mistakes Severus. What's important is that we grow from them. I don't care what's in your past. It's what you do going forward that matters."

Her words cut into him like a hot sword. He was abruptly out of the mood and desperately wanted to hold her close while he still could. He wanted to hold her close before she denied him this liberty. How many more chances would he have? He rested his head on her chest and listened to her heartbeat as she stroked his hair softly.

"Severus?" She whispered, seemingly still in the mood judging by the way she moved her hips against him. He pretended to fall asleep so he wouldn't have to talk anymore. Conversation was agonizing. He would lose her as he had Lily. It became more apparent every day.

Insomnia had reared its ugly head in his life once again as sleep eluded him in recent weeks. For months after they made love on his birthday, he had enjoyed regular and refreshing sleep each night. However now he was tortured by thoughts and details that turned over and over in his mind and took the place of sleep. The stress was maddening. Generally he didn't fall asleep until about an hour before it was time to awake and tonight would be no different. The morning would however be much different.

Severus finally drifted off to sleep after the clock chimed four bells. He dreamed of Sahsa that night and sharing a normal life with her. They were stretched out on a wool blanket on a patch of green grass by a rocky coast on a warm summer evening. The breeze lifted her hair lightly and the hem of her summer dress fluttered so as to allow him a better glimpse of her thigh. She leaned over him and gazed into his eyes. "Are you happy Severus?"

He tried to respond but he couldn't speak. Something was stopping him. A chill ran through his bones and the sea began to turn rough. Waves crashed fiercely against the shore.

"Severus, do you love me? I need to know." She said adamantly.

Still he could not speak. It was as if something were caught in his throat. He nodded as he winced from the pain in his throat.

"Then why can't you say it? I'm beginning to think you don't." Her eyes were searching his for an answer.

He caught sight of dark forms circling above them and tried to shout and warn her but he could make no sound.

"Severus, please trust me enough to tell me. I need to hear you say you love me." Her hand moved up his thigh and began to seductively caress his member. He thought he groaned but heard no sound. How could she not see the dementors circling them, closing in, ready to strike? They were approaching from all directions ready to attack him. They would go through her to get to him. Her hand continued to caress him and despite the gravity of situation he was becoming aroused. She moved her face to within inches of his. How he wished it were just them, but the forms kept coming more and more, closing in quickly.

"Perhaps it will have to be enough for me to love you. I'm strong enough for both of us. It's going to be all right Severus. But it wasn't all right. A black from came between them and began it's assault, the dementor's kiss.

He tried to turn away but it followed him, he was desperate to escape and finally found his voice. "Expectro Patronum!"

"Severus wake up." He felt her shaking his shoulders and opened his eyes to view her concerned expression. "You were dreaming. Something frightened you."

He composed his face never wanting her to think he was afraid of anything as silly as a nightmare.

"What were you dreaming of?"

He was breathing hard and trying to regain control. "Dementors."

"I was trying to kiss you awake. Guess I should improve my kissing technique if you mistook me for a dementor." She pouted.

"Your kisses are perfection." He said with deep sincerity. "Don't change a thing."

"You're forgiven." She smiled. The sunlight coming through the window behind her produced a halo effect. "It's no wonder your having nightmares with all the responsibility you shoulder. I'm worried about you Severus."

"Please don't worry Sasha." He trailed his index finger down her forehead and traced her nose softly. "It will give you frown lines."

"Frown lines?" She laughed, cocking her head to one side as Sirius did. "What are you my governess? You're life is on the line and you're worried your girlfriend might get a wrinkle?" She mocked him.

"We can't have a flaw in such a beautiful face."

She considered him for a moment before she smiled broadly at his compliment. Then she kissed him and began to run her hands over his thigh as she had in his dream. "Oh you're good Snape." She positioned herself on top of him and continued to coax his shaft into an erection. "Very good."

He exhaled involuntarily in anticipation of the only thing that relieved his stress. Her soft hand wrapped around his cock and she began to stoke him slowly. "How could I possibly resist the sound of your velvet voice giving me such a compliment? You make it impossible for me to keep my hands off you." He groaned under the pressure of her hand and she began to move it a little faster.

Just as in his dream he tired and failed to speak. "Uh" was all that he could say.

"What's that Severus? Do you like this?" She purred into his ear as her breath sent a wave of warmth down his neck.

"Yeah…Yes." He corrected his slang. He swallowed hard. "Please continue." "You want me to continue? A little faster maybe? Like this?" She increased her pace and began to suck softly on his neck.

"Sasha." He moaned as he progressed closer and closer to his climax.

"Mmm Severus." The sound of her whispering his name drew his attention and he mentally refused to go over the edge without her. Miraculously he found the will to take her hand and pull it away. "What's wrong?" She looked confused.

"Nothing my love. Everything is so right." Still holding her hand he rolled on top of her holding her hand above her head, restraining her softly. "But why should you have all the fun?" He moved his free hand slowly down her body, across her breast, across the curve of her hip and down to paradise. She gasped as he touched her and he moved his hand away wanting to tease her a bit. He caressed her inner thigh and she whimpered softly. He grazed his fingers softly between her folds but moved them away when she drew breath again.

"Don't tease me Severus."

He laughed softly. "It appears you are at my mercy Miss Malfoy." This is what he loved. His predatory nature loved to have her in this position, he would manipulate her desire and she would submit to him. He trailed hot wet kisses down her neck as she arched her back to press her flesh against his. Once again he grazed his fingers between her folds this time teasing her with a deeper caress.

"Yes." Her lower lip quivered as she anticipated more but was again disappointed. "Please."

"In due time. I'm enjoying watching your desperation. Shall I tease you again?"

He touched her with his palm as he slid one finger quickly in and out of her.

"Severus."

"You feel so good Sasha." She was so hot, so ready for him. He was teasing himself now. He slid two fingers inside of her while massaging her. She responded by moving her hips to meet him. "Hmm patience my love. You had your fun, it's my turn." Once again he slid his fingers slowly in and out while watching her reaction. She bit her lip as she groaned and he felt the need to claim that part of her too. His lips descended on hers as his fingers glided inside her. As he became engrossed in the kiss he released her hand and she immediately wrapped it around his shaft and began to stroke him again. He growled as this sensation brought out his more carnal instincts. "Enough." He said with authority as he moved her hand away and thrust deep inside her.

"Yes." She breathed as her hands grabbed his backside and she pulled him hard into her. He stopped for a second afraid he was about to lose control and then resumed, thrusting in and out of her and grinding his hips against her for good measure. "Yes," she moaned, "Yes Severus." How did his name sound so good when she said it? "Ahh," she cried, "right there." The sound of her telling him what pleased her was thrilling and he thrust harder and faster as she writhed beneath him screaming his name. His mind switched off and the only thing that existed was the two of them and his desire. "Severus," she screamed. He felt her body tense and when she dug her nails into his back and raked them across his flesh he exploded inside her. He held onto her as his orgasm raced through his body like an electric current. She wrapped her legs around him holding his hips against her not wanting the sensation to end.

They lay there catching their breath cheek to cheek. She moved her face away and turned to him. A naughty smile crossed her lips and she touched his face. It was then she noticed blood under her fingernails. "Oh," she said with a start. She raised her head and looked over his shoulder at his back. "Oh no, darling I've done a number on your back." His back was thoroughly clawed. "Where's my wand." She began to feel around the covers.

He couldn't' resist the opportunity and quickly grabbed her hand and trust it upon his now exhausted shaft. "Is this it?"

"Bahaha!" She shook with laughter beneath him. "You naughty Slytherin boy." They shared a laugh and for a moment their problems seemed miles away. "Really Sev, let me tend to your back. You're bleeding."

"Leave it. I kind of like it." He grinned.

"Hmmm, I'll remember that."

He could have stayed in bed with her all morning but they were interrupted by and owl flying through the window. It perched on her writing desk and there was clearly a letter attached to its leg. The stationary was the unmistakable striped paper of Azkaban.

_AN: Hmmmm wonder what that's about? Thanks to all who have added the story to their favorites and alerts. Please let me know what you think. I love to hear your thoughts. Sorry too for the tardy update…holiday madness is my only excuse. Hugs to all!_


	68. Chapter 67 The Prisoner

CHAPTER SIXTY-SEVEN

The Prisoner

My Dear Sasha,

I am to be allowed one visitor this week. I must see you immediately. I know you are angry with me after what happened. However I urge you to remember the importance of family. It is critical.

Lucius

P.S. Don't apparate or use the floo network.

Sasha passed the letter to Severus to read. She wasn't sure what to make of it. There had been no contact with Lucius for months and suddenly he needed to see her immediately.

Severus read the letter quickly then looked up at her with a furrowed brow. "What's this about?" He snapped.

She shrugged. "I'd think you would have a better idea about that than I would. Any guesses?"

He raised his eyebrows, "No idea."

She sighed, "Well I guess I'll have to go find out for myself then." She headed towards her closet to get dressed but he grabbed her arm and jerked her back.

"You are not going." He said with authority.

She glared at his hand on her arm and then met his dark eyes ready for a stand off. "I beg your pardon." She said coolly, not wishing to be ordered around.

He eased his grip on her and softened his tone, already regretting his violent reaction. "I said you're not going Sasha. It could be a trap."

"A trap for what? My brother is rotting away in Azkaban and he's asked for me. I won't turn my back on him when he needs me."

"Think Sasha! It doesn't make sense. How do you know this isn't some ploy of the Dark Lord?" His tone was pleading her to see reason.

"That's silly. What would he want with me?" She snapped but then saw his troubled expression. Gently she took his hand in hers and raised it to her lips planting a soft kiss. "Darling if you are so worried, come with me."

He considered her request before responding. "I don't think that is a good idea. It would draw attention to us. He's told you not to apparate or use the floo so he obviously thinks you're being watched. Perhaps I should speak with Albus about this."

"Fine, if it will make you feel better. Let me get dressed."

"No." He said quickly. "You stay here. I'll discuss this with him and return."

"Why? What don't you want me to hear?" He was up to something. She could feel it.

"Sasha, please don't be difficult. I have enough problems without arguing with you."

He always knew how to make her feel guilty. "Fine, don't be long."

He pulled her close and kissed her forehead. She waved him away, irritated with his parental attitude. He frowned but did not say anything more and left to go see Dumbledore.

Since she now had some time, she showered quickly and pulled her hair back securing it with black ribbon too keep it out of her eyes since she would be flying. She chuckled to herself upon seeing her reflection. Everyone said she looked like Lucius when her hair was pulled back. Sadly, they were right. Her features were neither delicate nor feminine. Except for their eyes, hers were vibrant while his were steely and pale blue, they could be twins. She walked to her closet and chose a white button down shirt and jeans, and then pulled on a favorite pair of cowboy boots she'd picked up during her time in America. She purposely dressed like a muggle knowing it would offend her snobby brother.

For the next hour she paced back and forth waiting for Severus to return. What could be happening? He was probably going to try to stop her from going and then she was going to have to argue with him. Like it or not, there was no way she would not go to see Lucius if he asked for her. He was still her brother no matter what he'd done. However if Severus really felt strongly about it and had the backing of Albus, they would absolutely be able to physically prevent her from going if they chose to. She sat down at her writing desk and looked at a photograph of Sirius. It was a close up shot that she'd taken of his handsome face on their last Christmas together at Grimmauld Place. His hair hung in trademark soft waves around his face and he cocked his head to the side. Then he smiled his lazy mischievous smile and winked at her. She ran her fingers over the photograph and imagined what he might advise in a similar situation. She gazed at the face of her cousin that she missed so dreadfully and then made her decision. When Severus returned she would already be gone. There would be no confrontation until she returned. Then it would be too late. She grabbed the burgundy brocade coat that belonged to Sirius; goggles and her Firebolt then hit the door running quickly away from her quarters before Severus could stop her.

The flight to Azkaban took three hours. The first two were quite pleasant as the spring air was warm but as she neared the prison, the wind picked up and a chill was in the air. As she flew she wondered what she would do when she reached the prison. Never being much of a planner, she hadn't thought that far ahead. Would she have to battle the demeantors that circled the premises constantly? As she got closer to the foreboding structure she saw the dark ghastly forms circling it and her goggles began to ice over. She pulled them back over her head and through the fog she could make out a large red sign marking a visitor entrance. She flew towards it and the demeantors seemed to part for her, sensing her purpose. She breathed a sigh of relief.

As she entered the dark dank stone building, she was overwhelmed by the horrid smell. The place reeked of death and mold and the dampness seemed to seal the rank smell in. She coughed and covered her face with the collar of her shirt to filter the stench.

Just inside the entrance, there was a toady looking man sitting in a shabby office behind heavy but corroded iron bars. He was short, bald, round and had fat greasy sausage like fingers, which he smeared against his dirty gray shirt. Sasha was unsettled by the disgusting environment but pulled together as much false confidence as she could muster.

"My name is Sasha Malfoy. I'm here to see my brother Lucius Malfoy." She said dismissively to the little man and pretending to be in a hurry.

"Oh yeah?" He challenged. Obviously this would not be easy.

"Yes." She raised her eyebrows and looked down her nose at him. "He's expecting me."

"Not so fast Miss. No one gets in 'ere without they don't 'ave my say so." His cockney accent was so thick she could barely understand him. He eyed her up and down. "You Malfoy's are a wealthy lot."

Sasha rolled her eyes. "We live comfortably."

"More than comfortable what I 'ear. Ten minutes, one hundred galleons."  
Sasha's jaw dropped. "What?" She said indignantly. "You expect me to pay you? That's absurd. I want to speak to your superior."

"Oh eh, the dementors are my only superiors and uh, they ain't particularly chatty. One hundred galleons." He said firmly.

Sasha growled at him and handed over one hundred galleons. She was glad she'd thought to stop by Gringots on her way here.

He counted the money in front of her while she tapped her foot impatiently. "All right then. This way." He led her to a dreary visiting room with two chairs facing each other and doors at opposite ends of the room. "Sit down Miss. I'll get the prisoner. You know I'd have settled for half if you hadn't been so haughty."

"I'd have paid double if you hadn't been so nasty." She shot back at him.

He turned and smiled at her revealing that his mouth contained no more than three front teeth. She smiled back thinking he could be a useful ally one day. She waited for what seemed like an eternity before Lucius shuffled into the room slouched over with his wrists and ankles shackled.

Had the wizard before her not had and thick head full of shocking blond hair, she would barely have recognized him. The first thing she noticed was that he wore the same sunken, haunted expression that Sirius had after Azkaban. Sirius never fully recovered and kept this look until he died.

He was thin and the filthy black and white striped prison robes hung on his body. His cheeks were hollow and had about three days scruffy growth. Some of his facial hair was coming in gray and his beautiful steel blue eyes were sunken in their sockets. He smiled weakly and his voice was pale, "Sasha, I knew you would come."

"Oh Lucius," Sasha's heart broke seeing her handsome brother so beaten down and she ran towards him to take him in her arms. However before she reached him, she was knocked off her feet by something.

"Oh, hee hee." The toady laughed. "I shoulda told ya miss. There's a force field between the two chairs. Couldn't 'ave you slippin' 'im a wand now can I?" He continued laughing as he shut the door. "Ten minutes."

Sasha stood up and brushed the prison dirt off her clothing. "Merlin's Beard Lucius, you look rough. Are you all right?"

"Still brutally honest I see. Sit down Sasha." Lucius coughed from deep in his chest. "I'm as all right as I can be after almost a year in this hell hole."

"I came as soon as I received your letter. What is it you wanted to see me about?"

He looked over his shoulder at no one. "We don't have much time so I'll be brief. I want you to kill Dumbledore."

"What?" She laughed incredulously. Surely this was a joke. "Kill Dumbledore?"

"Precisely." He said and she realized quickly that this was no joke.

"Just like that? Kill Albus Dumbledore the most powerful wizard alive."

"Second most powerful." He corrected with distain.

She couldn't accept that he was really asking this. "This place is getting to you. You have lost your marbles. How could you think I would do such a thing? Even if I agreed, it's impossible. No one can get to him." She waved her hands for emphasis as she normally did when annoyed.

He cut her off. "Draco's been assigned to kill him."

She froze and a chill went down her spine. It was finally happening just as she suspected it would. The Dark Lord was coming after his family purely to torture him. "Punishment for your misdeeds?" She asked softly.

"Yes." He said weakly. "Sasha I've never asked much of you. I need you to do this."

"Not asking much are you? Murder? Why would you ever think I would do such a thing?" Their eyes met but he did not respond. "You should know I'll have no choice but to alert Albus and he will have Draco removed."

Lucius never took his eyes off her as he shook his head and one corner of his mouth curved slyly. "Oh I don't think so my dear."

"Really? And why is that?"

Their eyes locked.. "Because then Severus will have to do it.

She flinched at the mention of his name. "Severus? What does he have to do with it?"

"He's made an unbreakable vow to Narcissa to help Draco kill Dumbledore or do the deed himself. If you remove Draco from the castle, Severus will have no choice but to carry out the murder. You won't want him to become a killer either."

"Why involve me in this? And why would you care if Severus became a murderer?  
"I don't. However I'm concerned they will both fail. Draco is my son but he's soft. Severus? Well there are…questions about him."

"Questions?"

"That he may not be as loyal to the Dark Lord as he pretends to be. If what people say is true, he will die before he would kill Dumbledore." His voice turned suddenly desperate. "Sasha if you do it, you'll save us all, the entire family. If Draco succeeds it will damage him. If he fails the wrath of the Dark Lord will come down on all three of us. I'm not asking for me. I signed up for this. Darco and Narcissa, they did not but they will be condemned with me. Is that what you want? And then Severus will have to do it but what if he doesn't? He'll die. You won't let that happen. I know you too well. You love him.

"That's ancient history Lucius." She tried to meet his eyes to appear truthful but quickly had to look away for no logical reason.

"You're lying Sasha. I can always tell."

Sasha's Malfoy mask descended and she was ready to battle him. "Look if what you say is true, and he made an unbreakable vow, he'll fulfill it. Severus if fiercely loyal and always a man of his word."

"So you believe him to be loyal to the Dark Lord?"

"Sadly, yes." She lied.

"Then how is it you still love him?"

"I don't." Another lie. "He's an arrogant bastard. I do however love you despite your deluded ramblings this afternoon."

"Then you'll do it."

"I didn't say that."

"Sasha, think of your family. Think of our assets." He spat sounding more like his old self.

"Ah, the truth comes out. It's always money with you."

"Stop it. Our family worked for generations to amass this wealth. You don't want to let it go any more than I so don't play saint with me. Draco is your nephew, you must help protect the family."

"Bella's his godmother. Why not have her take a shot. I'm sure she'd love to do the honors." She searched his eyes for a reaction but he quickly looked away. Things were becoming clearer. "Oh I see. You don't trust her anymore do you?"

"Not with this. You're the only one I trust with this Sasha."

"Lucius do you even understand what you're asking of me? First of all, I would never attempt to take out the only wizard powerful enough to defeat your Dark Lord and the rest of you Death Eaters. Second, I couldn't kill him even if I wanted to. No one can. He's too strong and too smart to let him self get taken down particularly by someone like me."

"Times up." The toady entered the room and grabbed Lucius by the collar.

"I need your answer Sasha. What are you going to do?" He said quickly.

_ As the guard pulled him away his eyes were awash with pathetic desperation. Panic rose in his voice, "Will you do it Sasha?" He yelled while struggling against the guards. She watched them pull him out of the room but she made no sound. She had no idea what her answer was. _


	69. Chapter 68 The Final Hours

CHAPTER SIXTY-EIGHT

THE FINAL HOURS

Severus was agitated and jumpy as he spoke with Dumbledore that morning. He tried to control his tone to that of a man solely calculating strategy but his decisions were being ruled by irrational emotion. Despite months of carrying on his affair with Sasha, it was not a feeling he was used to or comfortable with. Albus disagreed with Severus and thought Sasha should go and see what Lucius was up to. "She will be safe Severus. I assure you this meeting will be purely informational and not result in physical harm. If the intent were to harm her, the meeting place would be someplace less regulated and they would take her by surprise. But I'm not telling you anything you can't discern on your own. That is provided you aren't giving yourself over to the whims of romance."

Severus growled at Albus, irritated at his indiscretion regarding such personal topics. He hated that this man knew so many of his secrets and bristled when they were recounted to him. They debated for a several hours before Severus realized there was no winning this argument and turned to leave.

"Oh Severus, I'll be traveling with Harry later today but when I return, I may require your services as we discussed." Severus felt his blood turn cold and turned quickly to face the Headmaster.

"So soon?" Albus responded with only a nod. "How do you know?"

"I just have a feeling Severus. Frequently one must listen to their intuition. Use the day to prepare yourself."

Severus turned with a heavy heart. "And remember, not a word of this to Sasha." He stopped with one hand on the door and his lower lip quivering, attempting to compose himself prior to leaving. "Don't worry my son. If she truly loves you, she can forgive you of anything. If not, then she is not one who is worthy of you."

Severus bristled at his words, which in his opinion diminished Lily by implying she was somehow unworthy because she was not able to forgive him for a childish slip. Despite his feelings for Sasha he could never forget the grief that consumed him when she turned him out. The mere thought of it brought the guilt and pain flooding back. "Perhaps it is I who have been unworthy Headmaster."

"Many years ago, I might have agreed with you, but not today. You are a man of outstanding character Severus. I've only realized that recently but Sahsa has always known it. She believed it with a passion that no one else had." He put his hand on Severus' shoulder. "You are a very fortunate man."

"I don't feel fortunate." He responded flatly.

"But you are. You have a lovely girl who adores you. Don't be so negative." His tone was light and slightly mocking.

Severus looked over his shoulder and stared blankly at him. This old man didn't understand. How could he? Had he ever even experienced the heights and depths of such passionate loves?

"Relax. She'll forgive you of anything. Now go shag her all afternoon until it's time to kill me." Albus actually had a twinkle in his eye as he spoke. Severus continued to stare at him without expression, utterly dumbfounded that he would pick now, the hour so close to his demise, to make a joke.

"Go on. Run along." Dumbledore waved him away dismissively as he would a first year pupil. "I have much to do today."

Severus walked quickly back to Sasha's quarters. Intent on holding her in his arms until the fateful hour was upon him. They had less than a day now, only a few precious hours before this war intruded cruelly and permanently into their relationship. Things would never be the same again. He swallowed hard trying to keep his face impassive until he was behind closed doors with his love. Only a few more hours until their relationship faced it's litmus test. Would she cast him out forever as Lily had done? Or did she love him enough to understand? Understand. As if anyone could understand what he was about to do. He walked the edge of a cliff pretending to serve the Dark Lord each day. Everyone suspected the worst of him; he'd spent a lifetime making choices that ensured they did. After tonight, everyone would walk away from him. Why should she be different?

His heart was racing and his hand was shaking as he reached her door. He quickly composed himself with a deep shaky breath before entering her room without knocking. He looked about the room but didn't see her. "Sasha?" He called. Then he noticed her Firebolt was gone and he knew immediately that she was as well. "Damnit!"

Sasha was grateful for the long flight home and the solitude it afforded her. She felt bombarded with all of her brother's revelations and his outlandish request to execute Dumbledore. She desperately needed time to riddle it out before she returned to the castle.

She recalled a phrase her father frequently used when tackling complex issues. "Look beyond what you know and ask yourself what is really happening here." She tried to think clinically, logically as Severus would in order to get to the heart of it.

Draco has been assigned to kill Dumbledore. Why? To torture Lucius, or to punish him or perhaps to test his devotion. If it was the latter, Lucius was failing miserably once again. The Dark Lord obviously hadn't factored a father's love into his plan and Lucius was now operating outside the fold.

Cissy, also the devoted parent, solicited Severus to help, which meant they were both operating on their own accord. Cissy had somehow coaxed Severus into an unbreakable vow. How had she ever managed that? The thought of him being so entirely devoted to her sister-in-law's wishes brought out her jealous nature again but she quickly suppressed those emotions. Regulus always said emotions were the undoing of any well-laid strategy.

Her main questions concerned the man she presumed to know better than anyone else. Why had Severus made the vow? How had she persuaded him? How could that conversation have gone? She would have asked him and then what would be his thought process? Sasha believed with 100% certainly in his loyalty to Dumbledore. He never made a move without asking the Headmaster's opinion. She believed the very best about her handsome spy but why had he agreed to do such a thing? If he declined, perhaps he would be considered disloyal. Or would he? Cissy was already disobeying the Dark Lord by making arrangements for someone to murder Albus other than Draco. So the vow in itself was disloyal. Perhaps Severus agreed to form an alliance with her and continue to trying to lure her away from the influence of the Dark Lord. Surely Albus was aware of such a plot. How else would they ever accomplish this?

Then a chill came over her as the missing piece smacked her in the face. Of course he was aware of it. Albus was intending to sacrifice Severus. Surely, he had no intention of being killed. If the Death Eaters were starting to question the allegiances of Severus, his days on earth were numbered. Albus would have to sacrifice Severus before the Dark Lord could get to him. He knew too much. Severus Snape was doomed.

Severus waited for Sasha in her room for an hour although he knew deep down, she would not return soon. The trip to Azkaban by broomstick was lengthy and there was no telling how long she would visit with Lucius. He also knew that she was prone to ill thought out side excursions if the mood struck her. She probably wouldn't give it a thought that he was here being driven mad with worry. No, that wasn't true. He was sure she knew he was mad with worry. That is why she left without telling him. However she put her need to see Lucius, her own desires, ahead of his. He should be spending precious moments with her reaffirming his devotion and holding her closely but instead she was visiting her no-good brother in prison. What a colossal waste of valuable time.

Lucius. How he hated him. The snobby aristocrat had preyed upon his insecurities when he was a young man being thrashed daily by Potter and his ilk. He and the gang of Slytherin he led promised dominion over those who belittled him and Severus had foolishly believed. He'd wanted to be included in the pureblood society, the exclusive club, and be respected, deferred to as Lucius always was. Now look at them, Lucius was rotting in prison, his family was in disarray and Severus was about to lose everything that mattered to him. What fools they had been.

He was suddenly exhausted and groaned loudly as he flopped down on Sasha's unmade bed. The sheets were still rumpled from their morning tryst and smelled vaguely of sex. He inhaled and closed his eyes recalling how she seduced him when he was barely awake he began to become aroused again as he recalled the feel of her smooth hands around his member. He shook his head violently attempting to refocus. Turning his head to the side, he noticed her thong tossed carelessly on the floor. He smirked good-naturedly thinking what a miserable and undisciplined housekeeper she was. No doubt the sad result of a lifetime of being catered to coddled and picked up after. That was his Malfoy Princess. Merlin, that was sexy underwear though. He sighed as he stared at it and recalled that he was most likely the person who tossed it there. He smiled forlornly to himself and sighed again. Where the hell was she?

If Dumbledore hadn't told him that his services would soon be required he would be out looking for her. Nothing else could have stopped him. Damn that man! Damn Lucius! Damn all of them!

He jumped up and paced across the floor, looking out the window. Then needing an outlet for his nervous energy used his wand to make the bed and tidy the room. He sat at her writing desk and drummed his fingers on the surface, while a picture of Sirius stared back at him and winked. "And damn you too!" He bellowed at the photo slamming it face down onto the desk.

This is not productive Severus. You have much to do. Go prepare your rooms. They will be searched before morning. Pack some valuable potions so you don't have to re-brew them. He wondered if he should leave Sasha a note, but then decided that was a faulty plan. After Severus did what he must, people who were aware of her feelings for him may search her rooms or question her. She could very well be ostracized. But what if he never saw her again? What if he were killed in the battle. Unlikely but it wasn't impossible. If he could only speak to her one last time. There was so much he wanted to say to her. Why did she have to be so bloody headstrong?

He stalked off to his rooms and readied them for a possible search. By dinnertime there was still not a sign of Sasha. He checked her empty room again before he went to dinner. He would have rather avoided the Great Hall but didn't want to alert anyone that anything was unusual. Also he wanted to see if she appeared. She did not. He ate little and left as soon as he could. For the rest of the evening, he paced in his rooms looking out the window to the skies hoping he would see her flying in, and then back to his lab running through his mental list of preparations. When he could focus no longer he returned to the window. He repeated this pattern all night until there was a knock at his door. He tripped over himself running to answer it it, desperate to see Sasha as the hour was surely upon them. But it was only a house elf. "The Headmaster needs to see you right away Professor."

AN: Oh no. He didn't even get to tell her good-bye. Poor Sev, he can't catch a break. Hope you enjoyed it and that everyone is having a good time this holiday season!


	70. Chapter 69 Dramatic Exit

CHAPTER SIXTY NINE

Dramatic Exit

AN: Put on Led Zepplin One second song, "Babe I'm Gonna Leave You." That's what I hear as Severus makes his exit. Oh come on you knew it was coming….

It was very late when Sasha finally returned to the castle. The half moon shone brightly over the lake but a dense fog over the water obstructed any flicker of light coming off it. The fog was contained within the lakeshores and looked like a low hanging evil gray cloud. She looked to her lover's window expecting to see him in silhouette watching for her but was relieved to see he was not. She looked to her own window as she landed in the courtyard, as that was just as obvious a place to find him. She did not however see him there either. He was probably furious with her for leaving without telling him or waiting to hear what Dumbledore's opinion was. Just as well. She didn't know what to say to him now. It didn't matter anyway. If she asked him he would only lie so as not to worry her. Much as she loved him, lying was a character flaw that was second nature to him especially in matters of strategy. No, it was pointless to ask him.

She was however hell bent on confronting Albus. The old man was going to sacrifice her Severus. She was sure of this. Nothing was more important to Albus Dumbledore than the defeat of Voldemort. Until today she thought she agreed with him. Now however, when it may cost her the only man she'd ever loved, it didn't seem as important. Save Severus now and worry about Voldemort later. That was her plan. She would confront Albus and persuade him to see reason. Surely they could devise a way out if this. If he refused to bargain, she would pretend to go along with him and then look for a way to go around his wishes. If the opportunity presented itself, she was prepared to fulfill her brother's request. There was no other way. _Ah Merlin how can all this really be happening?_

She entered the castle and walked with purpose through the dark corridors with only a dim light from her wand to guide her. Suddenly movement and a light in the distance caught her attention. She looked up in time to see a familiar length of flowing black robes streaming behind long runners strides crossing the hall about twenty feet ahead of her. It could be no one but her Severus. Her stomach twisted quickly into knots. He never ran and she knew something terrible was happening. She prayed it wasn't what she feared, the worst. Quickly she removed her boots and placed them along with her Firebolt against the wall next to a suit of armor and then padded quickly in pursuit of him. It soon became apparent that he was headed for the astronomy tower. She followed at a safe distance and tried desperately to keep her breathing quiet so he did not detect her presence.

When they reached the lower entrance to the tower, he slowed and appeared to listen at the foot of the stairs for a moment before slowly creeping onto the first step and beginning his ascent. She tiptoed behind him and once he reached the top of the stairs she began to stealthily climb them herself. She could hear a voice that was definitely Dumbldore's and another that could possibly be Draco, though he sounded too frantic to be sure. _Oh no. Here it is._

She paused while he stood at the top of the stairs, her heart pounding so that she was amazed no one heard it. Harry was in the lower deck and looked back at Severus as he entered. Severus appeared to put a finger to his lips to signal quiet and Harry surprisingly obeyed. Slowly Severus crept to the second flight of stairs that would lead him to where the argument was taking place. Sasha crept slowly to the top of the stairs and paused. She then took a step towards Harry but as she did she stepped on a creaky floorboard. Both Severus and Harry jerked their heads toward the sound. Harry looked nervously at her then his eyes darted back to Severus, obviously he was very frightened about something and wasn't sure who to turn to. The expression on Sev's face was heartbreaking as his ebony eyes met Sasha's. Harry couldn't have noticed but his shoulders slouched wearily and there was no trace of the light within them he had since they'd been together. She took two steps towards him ready to lay her life down to save him but he was prepared and too quick. Almost immediately Severus waved his wand and she became rooted in her spot.

"I'm sorry." He mouthed silently to her before turning and ascending the last flight of stairs.

Harry looked at Sasha in confusion and she grabbed his hand and held on tightly, knowing what was to come and fearing she would not be able to contain his potentially murderous desire for revenge. If this child had any innocence left it was about to be vanquished. Together they watched in horror as nightmarish events unfolded before them. Sasha barely had time to dread what she knew was the inevitable before it was over.

Upon seeing his executioner, a wave of calm seemed to descend upon Albus. When he spoke, his voice sounded grateful and loving. "Severus, please."

"Avada Kedavra." Came the decisive response. Sparks shot from his wand and struck the beloved Headmaster. In what seemed like slow motion, Dumbledore was blasted backwards off the balcony and fell hundreds of feet to the ground. Sasha's head retracted like a turtle's into her shoulders as she desperately didn't want to hear him hit the ground, but she did hear. The soft noise was sickening and she could feel her legs shaking beneath her. Harry shuddered and gasped for air. Sasha felt bile rising into the base of her throat and the burn radiating to her ears as she choked it back.

Severus turned with no emotion and pushed the pack of death eaters out of the room, grabbing Draco by the collar and shoving him along as the boy choked on tears. Sasha was still frozen in her spot but Harry could now move and he wrenched and tried to break free of her grasp. Sasha held on as long as she could, wanting to let Severus escape unencumbered. However not being able to move her feet made her unsteady and he broke away from her and took off in pursuit of the team of assassins.

Seconds later, Sasha regained full movement. She remained in the tower however knowing it was hopeless to follow Severus now, and crumbled to the floor. So this was it. _Oh my poor Severus._ What Lucius had told her was really true. This is what he had been keeping from her all this time. This is what he was afraid to trust her with, the burden he'd chosen to spare her from and carry alone. This is what he said would drive everyone away from him. This is what he believed would drive her away as well, ending their life together. "No." She cried like a petulant child. She was not going to let that happen.

Where he was going now she could not follow but her heart would always go with him. She heard yelling and curses flying outside and scrambled to the balcony to see what was happening. The Dark Mark hissed with a menacing presence in the sky. The Death Eaters and Draco were walking quickly to the apparition point. Bellatrix had set Hagrid's hut on fire and danced with evil glee in the moonlight. Hopefully Hagrid could get out safely. She saw two figures dueling in the night and realized it was Harry and Severus. Severus had Harry on the ground and easily bested before turning to leave him and join the others. He looked up at her on the tower before appareling. She wondered what could be going through his mind.

Severus took one last look at his love standing on the astronomy tower watching the fight. The shame of having her witness his dark deeds was mortifying. _ Oh Sasha,_ w_hat must you think of me now? Surely I've lost you forever._ The wind blew her long golden hair around and she looked like a ghostly apparition. He would not see her for a very long time perhaps she would never want to see him again. She promised never to forsake him but this was beyond anything she could have expected to be faced with. He was responsible for the murder of the most beloved Headmaster in Hogwarts history. His teacher, her teacher, a surrogate father to so many fatherless children. No decent person would trust him now. Even the other Order members would walk away from him. He longed to speak to her, to implant some parting words in her mind but it was too dangerous to communicate with her on any level. He would go forward hoping but never knowing.

After seeing him dissapparate, Sasha immediately pushed aside her raw emotions. There was no time for that now. She ran immediately to his rooms to search for communications from him, to remove anything that might confirm their romance or anything that might prove otherwise useful. She removed the picture of the two of them, but otherwise there was nothing. He had obviously been aware that he was leaving tonight, the room was immaculate. She smirked thinking she should have expected nothing less of him. Then she moved on to her room hoping with all her strength to find that he had left her some communication. She ran to her writing desk but saw nothing. She opened the drawers but there was nothing from him. That's when it truly hit her that he was gone and she may never see him again. She looked at the picture of Sirius that was left face down on her desk and straightened it, finding it odd that it was out of place. Then she observed that her room too was immaculate. She certainly hadn't left it that way. He must have tidied it. How long had he waited for her? All day. She had wasted the day with Lucius when she could have been spending that precious time with Severus. Her chest tightened but she refused to give in to grief at the moment. She went to join the Order of the Phoenix and start working towards the same goal that Severus just gave up so much to attain.

She found them in the hospital wing. They were all gathered together over the lifeless body of the Headmaster. Remus and Harry were arguing vehemently.

"Snape killed him. I saw him. I saw the whole thing. You have to believe me! He's a traitor! A filthy murdering traitor!" Harry's voice was raw and raspy as he raged against Lupin. Sasha jumped into the fray.

"It's true Remus. I saw it too. Severus killed him."

"But why? I don't understand. Dumbledore trusted him." Remus was rubbing his forehead as if he was trying to push the thoughts through.

"Remember when I told you, he was being evasive with me? He was in contact with Cissy and wouldn't tell me anything. Draco appeared to be the chosen assassin but when he lost his nerve, Severus did the deed for him." She tried desperately not to choke or do anything to betray her misery.

Harry's screams were anguished, "We never should have trusted him!"

The rest of the crowd piled on but Sasha tuned them out. This was what he'd been talking about. This is what would test her devotion. This is where only blind faith would sustain them.

Logically she was easily able to work through it. He'd been forced into this plan so he didn't blow his cover and then had to kill Albus to fulfill it. Earlier she was sure Albus must have known but now she was not so sure. She couldn't tell from his final words if he knew. Either way, Severus was deep under cover now. No one in the Order would ever trust him again. She was his only ally, but she would be a fierce one. Now that they were together she would fight to the death for him. She would however have to be secretive as he was. They were apart but they were in this together.

AN: Thanks for the reviews and traffic this week. Please let me know what you think. Deathly Hallows leaves lots of room for subplots in the lives of Sasha and Severus. Not sure where I'm going next with this. Merry Christmas to all!

1/31/11—Repost—Just had to fix a few things that bugged me. Did you play that Led Zep song? I think it goes well


	71. Chapter 70 The Feast of Albus Dumbledore

CHAPTER SEVENTY

The Feast of Albus Dumbledore

The band of assassins appeared outside of Malfoy Manor. All but Severus and Draco shouted with glee at their ingenious execution of the Dark Lord's wishes and their swift escape. They were quite pleased with themselves, particularly Bella who shook with the anticipation of informing her master of their success. She skipped down the long shrub lined path to the manor house twenty paces ahead of the others. Every few steps she turned to the others with an evil grin as she continued to skip now backwards toward the house. "Hurry up Draco!" She called to her nephew.

Draco, walking with his head down was still sniveling and sputtering. Severus pushed him along. "Pull yourself together Mr. Malfoy. The Dark Lord does not tolerate weakness," he said, but Draco didn't hear him. He looked up and saw his mother walking out of the house to greet him and immediately ran to her. Severus huffed and rolled his eyes. Nor ever having experienced familial devotion, he couldn't understand it. His sad dark eyes watched without betraying thoughts as they embraced. However this was Sasha's family. He now felt the beginnings of a small kinship with them, but they must never know that. No one must ever know that.

He hesitated for a moment to give mother and son a respectful amount of space as they reunited. It annoyed him to see a mother gush over her son. Eileen Snape had been a cool and undemonstrative mother and to see sons showered with adoration recalled a jealous resentment in his core. Narcissa hugged her son tight against her and briefly met the eyes of the man who saved him from becoming a murderer. This acknowledgement was meant to go unnoticed however Fenrir Greyback lopped up behind them at that moment. Narcissa kept one arm around her precious son as she hurried him into the manor.

"The Lady of the Manor is even more delicious than I recall." Greyback snarled.

Severus turned his head to see drool beginning to drip from his mouth which he promptly wiped with his sleeve. "Don't you agree Severus?"

Severus merely narrowed his eyes and scowled at him before following the others into the house. All the Death Eaters had been summoned and were gathered in the grand ballroom. The last time Severus was in this room, he was dancing with his beloved Sasha in his arms. The macabre celebration was in full swing as no less than thirty dark wizards in regal death eater robes were toasting and laughing. Much to his surprise, Lucius Malfoy was there still in his Azkaban stripes and looking like complete shit. He was seated in what appeared to be an uncomfortable wooden chair in the corner of the room. His shoulders were slumped and his eyes had a hollow expression as he saw Severus and nodded weakly. Severus knew he should not be surprised at his friend's unhealthy appearance considering he'd been in prison for a year. However to see someone who had always been so obsessed with their appearance now to be reduced to such a dirty shell of a man gave him cause to smirk.

"Severus!" The Dark Lord hissed over the celebration causing the crowd to silence and part like the Red Sea. "Come here my son."

Severus did as ordered and crossed the room to meet this snake like creature. He cleared his mind as he went and always his expression remained emotionless.

All eyes were on him as he went to his former master with a bowed head. Voldemort placed his cold thin hand on the crown of his head. "Well done, my faithful servant." The cold hand passed over his cheek and raised Severus' chin until black eyes met red. Severus could feel him searching his mind and replaying the scene until the moment Dumbledore was killed. "Excellent. Come share a drink with your lord. Wormtail!" Wormtail scurried up to them with a tray of full brandy snifters and they both accepted one. "Raise your glasses my old friends! To Severus Snape, our heroic warrior."

"To Severus Snape!" The Death Eaters echoed about the room. Severus couldn't help but feel utter disgust at the irony of the moment. This is what he wanted when he took the mark; to be celebrated, regarded, deferred to. This was the achievement of his warped adolescent fantasies, to be toasted by the Dark Lord while he ordered his followers to do the same. Now however it was all a lie, a performance worthy of Masterpiece Theater.

As the merriment ensued Severus again turned his eyes to Lucius and watched his son shake his father's hand and pay his respects. "Ah yesss," Voldemort hissed again, "although his son is also a miserable failure I have mercifully allowed him to leave Azkaban and rejoin our fight. I wanted him to be here tonight to see what success looks like. And to see how I reward my most faithful followers." Voldemort slapped Severus on the back as he spoke. His disciples eyed master and servant as they greedily coveted this rare display of appreciation. Lucius did not speak, nor did Draco. "Tell me Lucius, how do you intend to punish your son for his failures."

The blood drained from Lucius' face and his skin turned a grayish white. "M-m-my Lord?"

"Surely you see the need to provide proper discipline to such a young and impressionable boy." The Dark Lord circled his prey. Draco clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes. Severus admired that the boy remained stoic and displayed no fear. It surprised him as the young man normally tended to wear his emotions on his sleeve. His gaze shifted to Narcissa and there he saw the same stoicism. Behind her stood her sister Bella who showed no fear but listened with the wonderment of a child as her master spoke. He might as well be reading her a bed time story.

When no one spoke, Voldemort continued. "The cruciatis curse would be the obvious punishment for failing me." Lucius' eyes went wide at this. "Of course," he clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth, "it is not my place to discipline other people's naughty children…Lucius." Voldemort laughed as he continued to toy with the unfortunate family.

Severus looked back at Lucius in time to see him wince and was reminded immediately of his lovely Sasha. It was the same subtle expression she made so many times when he had insulted her, belittled her, pushed her away. His heart burned with remorse and dread. What must she be doing at this instant? What must she be thinking of him? Here he was with her family about to watch her brother torture his only son. No, he could not let it happen. He owed it to her to protect her family even if they were in his opinion undeserving.

"Forgive me my Lord," Severus interrupted, bowing his head again. "It was I who defied you."

"What's thissss?" Voldemort hissed as Lucius and Draco stared at both of them in shock.

"It was I my Lord. When I entered the tower, Dumbledore was outnumbered, Draco was poised and prepared to kill him." The lies poured forth easily. "The Headmaster, upon seeing me began to beg for his life. His stupidity and weakness infuriated me and I killed him in anger. I throw myself at your mercy my Lord." He lowered his head further and braced for the impact that would now be directed not at Draco but at him.

"Bella!" Her head snapped to attention at being addressed by her beloved Dark Lord. "Is this true?"

"Yes my Lord. I was there. It was as he says."

Severus could feel the Dark Lord enter his mind for verification and focused on the parts of the memory he wanted him to see. 'Severus, please.' That was the part he must see. He focused with all his mental ability.

"I see Severus. You speak the truth and rightfully confess your sins to the Dark Lord rather than conceal them as less loyal subjects may. I forgive your sin and appreciate your passion to ensure my wishes are carried out. Lift your head my son. You've nothing to fear tonight." Severus heaved a sigh of relief and raised his eyes but could not look at Lucius or Draco again. It was like looking into the face of Sasha and he could bear it no more.

"Well come now my friends. Join me in the dining room as we celebrate the feast day of Albus Dumbledore." He laughed loudly and his sycophant followers echoed on cue.

Dinner was an uncomfortable affair for many reasons. For one thing Severus sat at the right hand of Voldemort, which kept him constantly on guard. On Voldemort's left sat Bellatrix who cooed and lavished attention on the Dark Lord while her husband sat on her left pretending not to notice. Greyback sat on the other side of Severus and was served a special meal of bloody meat, which he ripped into noisily. Severus ate little and spoke only to Voldemort when asked for strategic opinion. The night seemed to drag on forever. He was exhausted and just wanted to escape.

"Narcissa!"

"Yes my lord?"

"My warrior is tired and perhaps has needs that require…tending. Show Severus to his room and give him all the courtesies you would afford to the lord of the manor." Fenrir snickered as did a few others but Lucius looked down at his plate, expressionless.

"Yes my lord." Narcissa obediently rose and walked over to Severus. Extending her hand she said, "Come Severus, I've saved one of the better rooms for you." He took her hand and followed her in silence out of the room. He knew what people must have been thinking about them at the moment. Voldemort had all but told her to shag him. He knew the right thing to do was to somehow gesture to Lucius and put his wretched soul to rest on the matter but he didn't. He was angry with the weak man who had put his family in such jeopardy. And so he threw his arm possessively around Narcissa and left it there as he accompanied her up the long staircase.

Oversized portraits hung over the stairs of various ancestors. At the top he paused to admire Sasha's portrait. She couldn't have been older than 16 when it was painted. There was something about her eyes, hopefulness perhaps. Certainly this was painted before people like Barty and Lucius had disappointed her. Although she was still beautiful, reality had changed her. It had changed all of them. She was dressed in a formal black gown and was seated with her hands folded demurely in her lap. Her hair was swept up on top of her head and she was unadorned with jewelry other than small diamond earrings. He recalled the night in this very home when they'd danced so closely and he told her that he liked her hair up so he could look at her neck. Perhaps the artist liked the look of it as well. The thought of if made him jealous. It was a part of her life he was unaware of. Sadly, if he had only let her into his life when they were younger he would know it all and things would have been so different. Narcissa noticed his hesitation and turned to smile at him. "Come Severus," she smiled knowingly.

He obeyed and followed her down the long hallway to his room. "I remembered how you liked this room over Christmas so I saved it for you."

His stomach churned and he felt a knot in his chest as he entered Sasha's room. The Gryffindor crest, quidditch pictures, many of her childhood possessions were all there. Her presence was everywhere. "Are you trying to torture me?" He desperately hoped she didn't hear the catch in his deep voice.

"No, I thought you liked this room." She put her hand gently on his shoulder and searched his face for traces that might show the true feelings she suspected.

"Tastes change. I'll take another room." He snapped.

"I'm sorry Severus, the house is full of our brethren. All the other rooms are taken. I'd have to switch you with someone and that would attract attention."

"Fine," he said ripping off his cloak and flinging it over a chair as he entered the room. "I'll endure it. As I endure everything." He gritted his teeth and wondered why everything in his life had to be so bloody difficult.

Narcissa paused for a moment, not sure how far she should press him, at the same time dying to know. "How is Sasha?"

"The same I suppose, willful, still acting before thinking, always sticking her nose into other peoples business." He spat out her poor qualities while on the inside he was desperate for those traits, which made her the woman he adored.

"That's not what I meant. Any progress?" Her voice was smooth and loving as if she were speaking to Draco.

"With what?" He raised his eyebrows and looked down his nose at her.

Narcissa smirked good-naturedly at him. "Alright Severus, you keep your secrets. I understand you. But I want to tell you that Lucius and I know we owe you a great debt for what you did tonight, at Hogwarts as well as here. We will not forget and we always pay our debts. When I think what it might have done to our family if Lucius would have had to…"

Severus rolled his eyes at her. "Enough Narcissa, leave me."

"As you wish noble warrior." She curtsied and softy left him.

Severus who had been tough as nails all night could feel himself starting to fall apart as he gazed around the room. Everything here made him think of Sasha and he didn't want to think of her. He couldn't think of her. It was too painful. He took out his wand and packed up the room. The pictures of her, the crest, all mementos on the writing desk, were levitated into the closet. All the walls and tabletops were now bare. He cast a reducto charm on her record player, which still had the McCartney album on the turntable that he'd placed there on his last visit. Then he moved it along with her music collection into the closet and shut the door. He sat down on the bed and slowly removed his boots and set them gently at the foot of the bed. He lay down on the bed desperately craving sleep so he didn't have to think anymore but as soon as his head hit the pillow, he smelled the lovely scent of her hair. The ice in his veins began to melt and two fat tears escaped his eyes.

He tossed and turned for hours turning the same thoughts over and over in his mind. Life was so cruel. Why did she have to see him kill a man? She could pretend he wasn't really a disreputable person if only she hadn't witnessed it. Hell she'd done it for years with her family, Igor, Sirius and anyone else she loved enough not to judge too harshly. But now she was confronted with it. There was no way to explain it away or dismiss it as lies and rumors. The truth was before her. Severus Snape was a murderer. Even if the war ended with Voldemort's defeat tomorrow, he would still be a murderer. What respectable woman would marry a murderer? Certainly not Sasha. His beautiful honorable Sasha would never accept him now. His hands were shaking as he pushed his tears away. He was angry with himself for being so weak. Tears were for women and children, not for him. He hated that she made him feel so much.

Growling with frustration and knowing sleep would continue to elude him, he got out of bed. He paced across the room to her bookshelves that aligned the far wall. He needed something to distract his mind. He examined her collection of books on potions with new interest now. He smiled to himself as he recalled how she'd admitted pretending to need his tutoring services to pass potions. She'd sacrificed her grades so she could be closer to him. He groaned as he felt the vibration in his heart this recollection caused. Who was he kidding? He couldn't focus enough to read. What he really needed was a drink. A big one. Yes he did, and he felt he had earned one. He glanced at the wall clock, the only thing he allowed to remain on the wall, and saw that it was just after three in the morning. Perfect! Everyone else will be asleep.

Normally he never went barefoot however he didn't want to wake anyone. He walked softly down to the study dressed only in his trousers and his white shirt unbuttoned to his chest. As he entered the study he saw a form sitting by the window with the moonlight shining in on them. A bottle of brandy and a glass rested on the table next to them. As the figure turned he saw the familiar profile and long blond hair. Perhaps it was lack of sleep or perhaps it was that he wanted so badly to see her but for a moment he thought it was his love. However her brother's voice quickly shattered the illusion.

"Come join me Severus. There's no reason you shouldn't have your drink even if I am up." He slurred in a weak voice. "You know where the glasses are old friend."

Severus sighed and walked over to retrieve a glass for himself. _One more thing to endure, brilliant! _He snatched the bottle from the table and poured himself a drink, resisting the urge to gulp it quickly and pour another one. Lucius was here and so he would continue to play his role. "What's got you up so late? Missing your comfy bed at Azkaban and cuddling up with dementors?"

"Sit down Severus I want to talk to you." Severus sat across from him and they both gazed over the veranda across the grounds bathed in moonlight. Severus recalled his interlude with Sasha on the veranda. What he wouldn't give to be in her arms this very second. The temptation to apparate back to Hogwarts was enormous but alas a hopeless endeavor.

"I want to thank you for what you did tonight Severus." Lucius said while looking intently at him.

"That is entirely unnecessary Lucius."

"No it is necessary. You saved our family from several horrible fates this evening and I hope we may repay you somehow someday."

"Phhft! Drop it." Severus snorted and then finally took that long gulp of brandy he craved. It burned through his chest and he closed his eyes to enjoy the sensation. He could have savored the moment longer but Lucius seemed not to be able to be quiet tonight.

"And then I sat powerless as the Dark Lord turned over my wife to you like she was his property. He gave you permission and yet she tells me you were a gentleman and did not exercise your option. I'm sitting here asking myself why." He mused.

Severus killed the rest of the brandy in his glass and reached for the bottle to pour another. "If I wanted to fuck your wife I would have done it long before now."

Lucius giggled at his friend. "I like you Severus, there's never any pretext with you. What you see is what you get."

_What a fucking idiot. He has no idea. _Severus eyed him like a suspicious professor. He was up to something.

"No my friend, that's not what I meant however don't think I don't appreciate you not balling my lovely wife. No, what I'm wondering about is why you helped Draco. I've never know you to act out of passion or anger so your story while it may be factually correct, doesn't seem to be in line with the Severus I know. And then to confess this to the Dark Lord rather than let events unfold, why it's astonishing. So tell me, why is my family suddenly showered with your random acts of kindness?"

"I assassinated Albus Dumbledore tonight, please do not associate me with random acts of kindness."

Lucius ignored him and continued to ramble. "At first I thought well, it's obvious, he may not be balling my wife but he's clearly in love with her. That's why he's protecting our son, to spare her. Mind you I wouldn't fault you if you did. I certainly can't help my feelings for her any more than you could."

"Lucius, you're babbling."

"Perhaps but I've been in solitary for months so indulge me in a little conversation. So I watched you very carefully and you don't have the look of a man in love when you see Narcissa. So I'm thinking it's not her. I considered that you might have some feelings for Bella."

Severus was in the middle of a drink and began to choke as he heard this.

"Sorry my friend didn't mean to make you choke. Yes, that's an absurd notion isn't it?" Lucius giggled like he was gossiping on the quidditch pitch. "And then it became obvious. I should have known it. You're doing this for Sasha."

Severus chilled at the mention of her name. This is what he came downstairs to avoid. Merlin, was there no end to this torment? "Your theories are getting stupider by the moment Lucius."

"Oh I think not. I think you adore her. I think you would walk through fire for her. It's written all over your face at this very moment. I don't know how you're managing to keep this from the Dark Lord but it's a dangerous game you're playing."

_If one more person tells me this is a dangerous game I'm going to slit my wrists._ "I'm not playing a game Lucius. Not everything revolves around sex. Have you been reading Freud again?"

"Spare me your denials I don't believe them. And don't worry, your secret is safe with me." He paused for a response but Severus merely sat there in sullen silence. Lucius smirked, knowing he had gotten to the heart of the matter regardless of what this man claimed. "You know my father once gave me excellent insight on women. Would you like to hear it?"

"No." He drawled.

Lucius ignored him. "He said, if she's amazing, it won't be easy. If she's easy, it won't be amazing." He laughed at his father's words. "Truer words were never spoken my friend. I think of that every time Narcissa has me in a fit about something."

"If your ramblings have a point, make it and then I'm going to bed." Severus snapped.

Lucius suddenly became very serious and leaned over to his friend. When he spoke again it was an agitated whisper. He looked over his shoulders before beginning. "How long do you think it will be before the Dark Lord tires of Bella?"

"It's no concern of mine or yours."

"When he does tire of her, who do you think he'll choose next? It could be anyone and there's nothing to be done about it. Just to watch the torture."

"We've made our choices Lucius. Nothing to be done but live with them now."

"What if he chooses Sasha? Could you live with that Severus? Look at Rudolphus. Take a good look at him, and his woman goes willingly. What would happen if they went unwillingly?"

Black eyes met steel blue as he absorbed this theory. "I have no interest in Sasha. If he chooses her, it's your problem not mine." His lips were a fountain of lies tonight.

"Oh that's right." Lucius said sarcastically, " I guess it won't matter to you then."

Severus refilled his glass and rose to leave and continue drinking in the peace of his room.

"You know he remarked on her portrait before you arrived tonight. He said he thought she exemplified all that was beautiful in pure blood witches. I'm worried about her Severus."

"How can you be surprised Lucius? What did you think would happen when you took the mark? We serve him remember? Not the other way around." As he walked out of the room, Lucius' final remark cut him.

"She was right about you. Heart of stone."

_AN: Severus just saves those worthless Malfoy folks over and over again. Who the hell would want Lucius Malfoy for a brother in law? What a mess! And a pretentious mess at that. _

_Hope you all liked this chapter. The big gothic Malfoy Manor is inspiring and it was fun to write as I look out my window today at the snowfall. I haven't had many reviews lately so I'm not sure what you are thinking about the story at the moment. Their story doesn't end here and there is lots more drama in store for S&S. Please leave a review and let me know your thoughts._

_I hope you all had a great holiday and are ready for the New Year!_


	72. Chapter 71 The Blushing Bride

CHAPTER SEVENTY-ONE

The Blushing Bride

In the weeks that followed Dumbledore's death, Sasha threw herself into strategic planning for the order, which was in a sate of disarray. Albus, Severus and Sirius had been the most decisive and opinionated members of the group. Without them there was some confusion over whom to follow. Madeye and Kingsley emerged as the new leaders with Arthur and Remus acting in secondary roles. Mad-eye bugged her. He was brusque and offensive. For some reason the filter between his brain and his mouth seemed to be broken and he spewed forth whatever came to his crazy head no matter how outrageous the thought. Kingsley however was more thoughtful and polished. When he spoke in his deeply accented voice, people listened. He was quickly gaining respect among the others.

She tried very hard not to betray her heart to anyone. She shared nothing about the depth of her relationship with Severus and nothing about her visit with Lucius. People were so angry about Albus there was nothing that could change their minds anyway. They certainly wouldn't believe anything she told them if it came from her disgraced brother. So Severus Snape remained public enemy number one.

In general, people believed her to be on board with the others. Only Tonks and Remus viewed her with suspicion. Remus watched her reaction closely when they talked strategy particularly if Lucius or Severus were mentioned.

Tonks however had a more brash style and would prod her as she was this afternoon. Sasha was sitting in the window seat in her room at the Burrow immersed in a book as Tonks paced about the room trying to engage her in conversation. "You seem to spend a lot of time in your room these days Sasha."

Sasha kept her eyes on her book. "Your point being…"

"What are you doing all the time?" Tonks flopped down on the opposite end of the window seat making things crowded.

"Nothing." Sasha slammed her book shut and walked to the shelf to return it.

"Since when do you do nothing all day? You haven't even been flying in weeks."

"It's not safe right now."

"Since when did that stop you?"

Sasha ignored her and looked for another book, but she continued.'

Tonks decided to go for the throat girl style. "You know you're going to get fat if you don't exercise."

"Bugger off! I'm not getting fat. Geez!"

"Only because you're not eating."

Sasha didn't like being on the defensive and decided to turn the tables. "Look, don't talk to me about fat with that little gut you're picking up." She said with a haughty laugh.

"It's not a gut." Tonks looked at the floor.

"Oh excuse me, muffin top." Sasha replied with a smirk.

Then Tonks whispered her secret. "I'm pregnant."

Sasha gaped at her in stunned silence.

"Well don't just stand there say something."

But Sasha couldn't speak. She looked at Tonks with kind eyes and approached her slowly. She looked at her young friend in wonderment as if seeing her for the first time. A weak smile crossed her lips and she slowly reached out to touch her stomach. Then her eyes met Tonks', which were so wide with hope. She was truly radiant with the glow of a woman creating life within her.

"Oh Tonks," Sasha's voice was shaky. "Have you told Remus yet?"

"Just yesterday."

"And what did he say?"

"He asked me to marry him." She beamed.

Sasha's eyes welled up with generous amounts of tears. "And you said yes of course." She was happy for them, but the painful reminder of her own loss clouded her joy.

"Yes, yes I did." They were both crying now.

"Oh that's so wonderful." Sasha hugged the bride to be and they both laughed through tears. Sasha pulled away first and held both her hands. "So when is the big day?"

"Oh, probably not till after the baby is born."

This jarred Sasha. How could they be so foolish as to squander time in this matter? Didn't they know what a precious commodity it was? "What?"

"Oh don't start with me about scandal and morality. I've already heard it from mother. No way do I want to look fat on my wedding day."

"Oh bugger scandal. Since when have we ever cared about that? Oh Tonks you have to marry him immediately. Do it tomorrow. I'll take care of everything if you want." She pleaded.

"So soon? No, I don't' want some quickie war wedding. I've been dreaming of my wedding my whole life."

"Listen to me." Sasha grabbed her arms. "This is no time for your little girl fantasies about a wedding dress. It's the marriage that matters not the wedding. What if something happens? What if one of you are hurt or killed? What if something tears you apart? Could you live with yourself knowing that you could have been with him as his wife but for your psychological hang-ups?"

"Nothings going to happen."

"Wake up Tonks!" Sasha shook her. "It's happening all around you. Remus could be torn away from you and at any moment and you'd be left with nothing but your wasted heart and a mountain of regret." Sasha was pleading through bitter tears.

"Sash, are we talking about me or you?"

Sasha growled and turned away. She sulked over to the window again. "I'm in no mood for analysis. Just think about what I said okay?"

"All right. I'll think about it."

Sasha grabbed her sunglasses to cover her red eyes and went for a walk in the warm summer sun. She spent the day walking through the marshes not wanting to go back to the burrow. There was lots of talking and planning lately but no action. It was causing stress, the not knowing and the inaction. She knew she would feel better once the action started and she planned to volunteer for every mission. It was the only way to help Severus and there was also a chance she may be able to see him. He would chastise her for being so reckless but it was worth it. She returned to the burrow as the sun was setting.

Tonks greeted her at the door. "Find Heathcliff?"

"No. Have you married Mr. Rochester?"

"Good one. Glad to see you're still you old self. Come in, dinner's almost ready."

"I'm not hungry. I'm going to bed." Sasha trudged upstairs and got out of her clothes. She pulled out of her dresser what was passing for pajamas these days, a pair of dark green boxers that belonged to Severus and one of his undershirts that she nicked from his closet before the ministry confiscated what was left of his belongings. She settled in to bed with an advanced book about defensive magic. She read several chapters and was about to turn in before there was a knock at the door.

"Come in." She sighed. Remus entered her room. "Hey Mooney."

"Sasha." He nodded. "May I sit down?"

"Sure." She suspected he would sit on the nearby chair but a peculiar look crossed his face as he sniffed the air. He sat down on the bed next to her.

"I understand I owe you a thank you." He began.

"For what?"

"Dora has agreed to marry me this Sunday." He smiled bashfully and looked at the floor.

"Oh Remus that's wonderful!" She hugged him tightly. "Do you have a venue? I know a great one in London. It's short notice but I could pull some strings."

Remus held up his hand to silence her. "It's not going to be a big wedding. Just her parents, Molly, Arthur and you."

She felt silly for thinking he would want a big showy affair. Remus was always the most low key of the marauders. "It's going to b beautiful Remus! I'm so happy for you both. Oh I wish James and Sirius were still alive."

He sighed with resignation.

"You don't sound very happy about it."

"I suppose I'm not as happy as I should be. I won't be able to give her much of a life in my condition."

"Oh pooh! She loves you Remus. It's the life she wants more than anything else in the world." She patted his hand. "You worry too much."

"You don't worry enough."

Sasha rolled her eyes. "Seriously Moony I don't do anything but worry these days."

"About Severus?"

"No." She lied. "I'm done worrying about him. Time to move on."

"Really? Where did you get these pajamas?"

She flinched but quickly recovered. "They belonged to Sirius."

"Slytherin green? I think not. And that shirt smells like the potions lab."

She sniffed it. It did.

"Canine sniffer." Remus tapped his finger to his nose. "Never misses."

"Oh so what?" She huffed. "Yes fine, I miss him. I miss who I thought he was. But that person doesn't' exist anymore. Perhaps he never existed."

"Sasha he was never on our side. Please tell me you understand that."

"I do. I'm not as stupid as you may think."

"He killed Dumbledore. He wouldn't think twice about killing you either."

"Please Remus I know. I know." She waved her hand as if to push his words away. "I just need to go through my depression and then I'll get over it."

"It might help you to get angry. We'll have loads of ways to channel your anger in the most productive of ways."

"I'm about to get angry at you if you don't shut it. This is not my favorite topic of conversation."

"All right then." He gave her a pat on the knee before leaving. "Good night."

Sasha rolled over and stared out the window at the stars. Deep down she was happy for them, but what she felt most was resentment. She should be planning her own wedding. Instead she was worried sick not knowing if Severus were dead or alive. Why hadn't he contacted her? What if the others were right about him? No, that wasn't possible. She knew his heart was true. She pulled the collar of his shirt over her nose and drifted off to sleep while inhaling his scent.

The next week was filled with wedding preparations and Sasha was thrilled to have something positive to occupy her mind. Although it was to be a small wedding at the Tonks family home, there was still much to be done. There was the dress, the flowers, the cake, the officiant, the music and of course this should be a time when the bride to be is treated like a queen. On the morning of the wedding, Sasha whisked the bride away to her favorite London spa for a morning of treatments and pampering.

"Sasha really this isn't necessary." Tonks whined as they entered.

"It most certainly is. You know you are part of the Black family even if you and your mother don't acknowledge it. It's time I treated you to a little of the high life."

"You've got that backwards. They don't acknowledge us remember."

"Whatever." Sasha said dismissively. "Like it or it's part of your heritage and today the Black Lake mud wrap is on me. As is the massage and everything else."

A goblin woman shuffled out to greet them. "Your fist treatment room is ready Miss Malfoy."

"Wonderful! Our lovely bride will go first." Sasha replied while shoving Tonks along. "I'd like my pedicure first since we have a little time."

"Yes Miss Malfoy. Follow me." Sasha breezed through the spa taking deep breaths and enjoying the aromatherapies. She was shown to her chair and then froze in shock as she realized the woman in the chair next to hers was Cissy.

"Sasha!" Cissy seemed glad to see her and held out her arms obviously expecting a hug. Sasha wasn't sure how to greet her. She was angry with her for putting Severus in this position. She was most certainly the enemy. Yet she was family and possibly a source of information. So she put on her Malfoy mask and greeted her.

"Why Cissy, what a lovely surprise. I'd forgotten this was your regular spa."

"Oh yes. I never miss a treatment day."

That was obvious. The woman was unnaturally young looking. Sasha suspected there was more going on than just the standard treatments. She was five years older than Sasha and looked five years younger. She made a mental note to research some possibilities that might even them out.

"I must admit I'm surprised to see you here. Coming in for a sports massage or is this a special occasion."

"Your niece Tonks is getting married today."

"Really? I had no idea. To whom?"

"Remus Lupin."

Cissy's expression contorted with disapproval and disgust.

"Well," she hesitated. "My invitation must have gotten lost."

Sasha's expression was deadpan for an instant but then they both shared a laugh. "It's a very small wedding Cissy."

"Oh don't make excuses. Andromeda and I chose very different paths long ago. I do miss so much about her though. I always admired her spirit if not her choices. Please give her my best."

"I will." There was a long uncomfortable silence. Sasha had so much to say to her but not in this public setting. She didn't know where to begin anyway, so they kept up their pretense.

"How is Lucius?" I hear he's escaped Azkaban or at least got out under… questionable circumstances."

"Oh I wish I knew but I haven't heard a word from either he or Draco." Cissy replied coolly, obviously a rehearsed and often given lie.

"Phfft!" Sasha rolled her eyes. "Oh okay." She said sarcastically. No way in hell would Lucius be out for a second before he fought like mad to get back to her. He loved her with a passion. She was obviously hiding him at Malfoy Manor or someplace else. They endured another long silence as the goblin girls left them to soak their toes in their specially prepared potion.

When they were finally alone, Cissy leaned over and whispered. "Severus is well."

Sasha's head jerked in the direction of her love's name. "You've seen him?"

"I can't share details but he is well."

Sasha quickly pulled herself together. "I can't imagine why you'd think I care about that thug. He's a liar, a traitor and a killer. Certainly not the man I thought he was."

"But Lucius said he told you everything."

"My brother is also a liar and a traitor. Not a killer yet but the day is young. I never believe a word he says."

"Don't say that!"

"Look Narcissa, I know you love him and I do too but don't ever talk to me like we both don't know exactly what he is; a big bundle of glaring character flaws."

"You understand nothing!" She hissed.

"Ah, you're so deluded, always were where he's concerned. Well not me. Piss off."

Narcissa hissed back at her. "Is that how you speak to people these days?"

"What's it to you?"

"You're parents would be ashamed of you."

"There's a news flash. You always did have a flair for the obvious."

Narcissa sighed heavily. This conversation was not going as she'd hoped. Sasha viewed her as the enemy. She wanted to help her.

"All done Mrs. Malfoy." The goblin girl came to hustle the eldest Malfoy witch out.

"Thank you, please give us a moment." She turned back to Sasha. "Would you like me to give him a message?"

Sasha feigned disinterest. "Who?"

"Severus of course."

"I have nothing to say to that thing."

Before leaving, Cissy searched her sister in law's face looking for some trace of emotion but Sasha was too practiced in concealing them. She had after all learned from the master.

_AN: See, Sasha really does have girlfriends! Too bad she had to hand out a verbal beat down in the middle of spa day. Poor Cissy, she means well but she married into the a-hole side of the family. Sorry no Severus in this chapter. Did you miss him? Me too. Imagine how Sasha feels!_

_Hope everyone has a happy new year__ I was just re-reading chapter forty which was such a new years treat for our lovely couple. Sigh…Hope you all find a hot witch or wizard to kiss at midnight tonight!_

_Thanks for all the reviews this week! You just make my day when you review! Please let me know your thoughts_


	73. Chapter 72 Hide and Seek

CHAPTER SEVENTY-TWO

Hide and Seek

AN: Back to reality after the holidays. I promise to post more regularly as I did before the holiday mayhem. For some reason, I can't check traffic on my account or receive PM's, so if I haven't responded to you, please don't think I'm rude. I'll catch up once they get my account back in action. I can still get reviews though and will shamelessly plead for them right here, right now. Pretty pleeeeese.

Predictably Tonks looked beautiful on her wedding day. After three hours at the spa she was polished and perfected and even her mother remarked that she had the air of an aristocrat. "None of that matters to Remus." She replied softly.

Of course it didn't matter to Remus. He'd never cared about such things. Tonks could have worn a burlap sack and he would have thought she was the most beautiful thing on earth. Still Sasha felt good that she had at least tried to do her part.

Remus looked far more dashing and pulled together than he normally did. Gone was his usual scruffy persona. His dark suit was perfectly tailored and he spent the morning at the barbershop getting an old fashioned shave with a straight razor. He hadn't looked this good in years. His affliction had worn him down over time giving him a haggard look. Today however he looked fresh and hopeful as he waited for his bride at the end of the aisle.

Despite the happy occasion, Sasha's mind wandered during the ceremony. She had expected to be awash in tears thinking of how she longed to be getting married herself. However the interesting conversation with Cissy earlier in the morning was racing through her mind. Cissy was a clumsy liar. Lucius and Draco were laying low at Malfoy Manor. She was sure of it. She was also fairly certain that Severus was there as well. It was a logical choice. He wouldn't have gone to Spinners End. Too many people were hunting him and that was obviously the first place they would look. Malfoy Manor and the vast grounds of the estate would provide limitless hiding places should anyone choose to look for him there. Plus Cissy had always extended invitations to him in the past. Yes, it was the logical choice but there was only one way to know for sure and she absolutely had to know for sure. She watched Remus kiss his lovely bride as she planned her visit to Malfoy Manor.

As the evening sun was setting, Severus sat across from Fenrir Greyback at a table in the garden playing an agonizingly dumbed down game of chess. Greyback, being all brawn and seriously unrefined, was no match for his expert opponent but he was an eager pupil and Severus tried to distract himself as much as possible these days. He would do anything to keep from thinking of Sasha, which was torture. Greyback was a low level thug in the scheme of things but ambitious. He was anxious to pick up some more aristocratic manners but try as he might they seemed false on him. His mind was obviously not on the game today as Severus had quickly beaten him twice without any trouble.

"Dismal performance Fenrir. Is being Narcissa's personal body guard so mentally taxing for you that you have nothing left for chess?"

"Certainly not." He growled. "It's a most entertaining and informative occupation. You wouldn't believe the fascinating things one learns when following beautiful pure blood witches around." Fenrir sneered, obviously enjoying his assignment a little too much. Severus wondered if he should suggest a substitute bodyguard that wasn't so affected by his carnal instincts.

Fenrir leaned back in his chair and stretched his long muscular legs out in front of him, crossing them at the ankles. He possessed knowledge that Severus would perhaps want. And since he rarely had the upper hand in anything other than physical combat he intended to milk the moment for all it was worth.

"Fascinating things? Such as." Severus replied automatically as he busied himself resetting the board for another game.

Fenrir bared his teeth evilly and laced his fingers together behind his head. "Such as I learned that Nymphadora Tonks married a werewolf this week?"

Severus raised an eyebrow at him. "Remus Lupin I presume."

"Yes. One of my own pups." He said proudly.

"Well what a source of pride for you Fenrir" Severus replied with oily sarcasm. "Perhaps there is hope you'll find a respectable woman yet. Maybe Narcissa will have a friend who might like slumming with your kind. Women are normally drawn to what is dangerous for them."

A low wolf like growl escaped Fenrir as he snarled in his opponent's direction. Severus rolled his eyes. "Oh relax Greyback, I'm just bantering."

Fenrir couldn't wait to toy with his conceited superior officer. "She does have some beautiful acquaintances. Remember Sasha Malfoy? We ran in to her last Sunday." He paused waiting for a reaction and we he received none, continued. "What am I saying? Of course you remember her. In fact you were the chief topic of conversation between them." He watched and waited with a satisfied grin for a reaction.

Severus looked at him and raised one eyebrow. He knew it was critical to proceed very carefully. A practiced liar, his heart rate never wavered.

Fenrir leaned over the table trying to smell fear. "Tell me Severus, why do you think Narcissa mentioned you to her?"

Severus sighed with pseudo annoyance. "When Sasha was a child she had a silly little crush on me. Most annoying actually, always underfoot. Cissy and Lucius tried to push the match last year presumably to improve their standing with the Dark Lord. This was as you can imagine, a fiasco. I thought they had given up."

Fenrir snorted. "Pretty little bitch like that? Nice rack and looks like she's always in heat. What could go wrong?"

Severus calmly resisted the urge to dive over the table and choke the life out of this filthy mongrel. His tone remained light and a sly smile crossed his lips. "Alas, she spoke." The two men shared a laugh.

Unbeknownst to the two men, they were being observed nearby. Sasha peered through the bushes and listened to the exchange. Could Severus really feel this way? No, surely he was just covering his tracks.

"I was most happy to be rid of her. Frivolous little thing with no concept of what's important. Blood traitor to boot. I thought she'd be in Russia by know shagging the daylights our of her boy toy. He's actually more intellectually retarded than she if that's possible."

"Boy toy?"

"Yes. Ivan Karkaroff. Igor's bratty little brother. They were engaged or something. Not sure what happened there. Maybe she wouldn't put out."

Fenrir barked in amusement. Severus joined in the laugh but desperately needed to extract himself from this conversation and find Narcissa. If this was true, why hadn't she told him?

"If you'll excuse me, I have something I must attend to. Stay here, I'll send Rudolphus out. He loves a game of chess." With that Severus walked to the house with his robes billowing behind him.

Sasha was shaking with excitement. She was so thrilled to see him the nature of the conversation made no difference. Severus was here and he was alive and untouched. That was all that mattered. As much as she wanted to see him, the place was crawling with Death Eaters and she knew there was no chance of getting to him undetected. She toyed with the idea of hanging around to see if he returned but was quickly losing her nerve as she spied on the large and imposing form of Fenrir Greyback.

He paced intensely like a guard dog around the table. He was tall, at least as tall as Igor and with the same wolf like qualities although they were certainly more authentic in this man before her. His chest was broad, muscular and tanned. He obviously enjoyed going shirtless and showing it off. He seemed to lead with it as he paced. His russet colored hair was longish over the back of his collar and was thick and shiny. _His master must brush it every day,_ Sasha thought with a smirk. As he paced in her direction, he abruptly stopped and sniffed the air.

_Oh shit_. It was the same gesture Remus made, as he smelled the scent of her t-shirt and remarked about his canine sniffer that never missed. Could he smell her? She certainly wasn't going to stick around long enough to find out. Quickly she backed away never taking her eyes off him. It was a fatal move for she wasn't watching her step and stepped on a twig snapping it in two. His head jerked in the direction of the noise and they locked eyes. Sasha took off like a sprinter across the well-manicured path. She had hoped to avoid that highly visible area but there was no time to attempt anything but a straight path towards the apparation point. The minute she crossed the path however she heard a howl and saw a shadow of something flying over her. Before she knew it his huge form pounced on her and she was flat on the ground.

She rolled over to face him and tried to wrestle away. He had her pinned and was growling into her face like a wild animal. She tried to struggle but his strength was inhuman. He continued to growl as he dipped his head curiously toward hers. Baring teeth he eyed her neck. Sasha closed her eyes and prepared to be bitten. He was not in wolf form at the moment and she wondered if she would be changed if he struck. Or perhaps he wouldn't be able to stop and this would be the end of her. She closed her eyes for one final thought of her love Severus.

"Down boy." Came the casual voice of her rescuer.

Sasha opened her eyes but was trapped beneath his massive form and couldn't see who else was there. Fenrir growled with his sharp teeth inching closer to her. A large stream of drool dripped in slow motion towards her face. He was not an obedient dog.

"Fenrir, heel!"

His eyes darted briefly in the direction of the voice and then back to Sasha. With a smirk he sucked the drool back into his mouth before it touched her face. Then he seemed to pant good-naturedly as he sat up, still sitting on her legs.

Finally, she could see the person calling off the dog. The handsome and always elegantly attired Rudolphus Lestrange.

"Well, well, well what have we here?"

"Isn't it obvious? I've apprehended a very pretty intruder." He shifted his weight in a disgustingly sexual fashion over Sasha's hips. She narrowed her eyes at him in warning, which caused him to snicker.

"Oh no this is no intruder, this is my dear Sasha, finally come home I see."

"I know who she is Lestrange!" Fenrir barked. "She's got no business here. She's come to spy on us, up to no good as usual."

"Tsk Tsk Tsk," Rudolphus clicked his tongue. "Where are your manners? Sasha will think the hospitality of her family home has gone down hill. And get up will you? She's a lady not a blow up doll." Fenrir growled but obeyed. Sasha scrambled to her feet and fumbled for her wand.

"Good boy. No go tell Narcissa and Lucius they have company." Fenrir stood rooted in his spot eying the two of them suspiciously. "Go on now. Get!" He reluctantly obeyed and began to lop towards the manor house.

Sasha was shaking but kept her wand pointed at Lestrange. She wasn't sure how to deal with him. He was always a bit of a wild card. She knew one thing though, she'd better figure it out quick.

He sauntered over to her with a smirk. "Oh don't worry about him little one. He won't tell."

Sasha's lower lip quivered and she cursed herself for getting into such a predicament.

"But you're shaking. Ah you don't believe me. Leave it to me." He turned and with perfect form stretched out his wand arm towards the werewolf. "Obliviate." He said in a soft conversational tone. Fenrir fell backwards and did not more. "There. Feel better?"

"Not really." Sasha tried to put some strength in her voice. "What am I going to do about you?"

"You've nothing to fear from me." He took two steps towards her and she knew she had everything to fear from him. "Why don't you tell me why you're here." He purred.

She blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "I need to see Lucius." _Shit! That was dumb. He's the next to last person I want to see._

"Lucius. What on earth for?"

"Money." She lied. It was the first thing that popped into her mind. She hadn't planned on getting caught.

"He won't give you any money. And besides, you have your own." He pursed his lips and circled her confidently. "What ever it is it must be very important or you wouldn't have come into the den of your enemies."

"This is my family home." She decided to resort to more familiar tactics as these ridiculous excuses were digging her an early grave. "Are you really my enemy Rudy?" She said coyly. "You're not acting like one."

He raised and lowered his eyebrows still circling her. "That depends. I don't' have to be. We could be very good friends." He came closer to her and stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. "Very good friends."

"I seriously doubt that. We've not much in common. We were more casual acquaintances than good friends."

"You doubt it? I don't. I think it's time we got to know each other better." His arm encircled her waist and he pulled her against him. "I think you might like being my friend." He leaned in and whispered into her ear. "I'd make sure you liked it."

Sasha finally saw her opening. She reacted quickly and kicked him squarely in the bollocks. He doubled over in pain and groaned loudly as he tried to stay on his feet. Oddly he laughed as he gasped and stumbled. "Ha! I forgot about your temper Sasha." He shouted as she ran away from him.

"You would do well to remember." She shouted over her shoulder before mercifully reaching the apparation point. With a pop she was back outside the Burrow and trying to catch her breath. Severus was safe for the moment and that was a great relief. However now she had other problems. What would Lestrange do? Would he tell Severus she was there, or worse yet, tell someone else?

_AN: You might think it's weird how I went on and on about Fenrir Greyback. Honestly I never gave him much thought but I'm reading the hottest little fic about him at the moment. Now for some reason I feel the need to describe his bare chest haha! The story is called Recalcitrance by Jamberine, and it's awesome! You should check it out! Chocolate frogs to all reviewers_


	74. Chapter 73 Meeting in the Ladies Room

CHAPTER SEVENTY-THREE

Meeting in the Ladies Room

Severus accidentally on purpose happened upon Narcissa in the conservatory. He was desperate to know all the details of her encounter with Sasha. He was also concerned that she didn't report the meeting to him immediately. She was always dropping hints about her sister-in-law so what could have made her handle this situation differently. He strolled nonchalantly into the room.

"Oh good evening Narcissa. I wasn't aware this room was occupied." The casual lie dripped off his lips.

She looked up and smiled warmly at him. "Good evening Severus. Please join me. Lucius and I consider this the best room to view the sunset each evening. He is indisposed at the moment but I would love your company."

"As you wish." He drawled.

"Be a dear and pour us a sherry. There's a bottle in the cabinet."

Severus bowed his head slightly and went to the rich looking cherry cabinet. As requested, he poured her a glass and handed it to her.

"Not indulging?"

"No thank you. Sherry's a bit sweet for me and I never drink before sundown."

"Ah, You're so disciplined. You have many rules for yourself don't you Severus." She smiled and gave him an appraising look.

"My internal compass serves me well. I see no reason to deviate from what works."

"It's served you well thus far. You seem to be the Dark Lord's most valuable servant. He looks to you far more than Lucius these days."

He had no desire to discuss his rising status, nor Lucius' falling status. There was a long pause as Severus considered his tactics. "Tell me how do you like having Fenrir as your security detail? I've just spent an intolerable afternoon with him playing oversimplified chess. It must be miserable to put up with him all day."

"Oh he's not so bad. Bit rough around the edges but he can't help that. He just needs a firm hand and the proper influence. We get along quite well and he never sets a paw out of line." If Cissy knew where he was going with this conversation, she betrayed nothing.

Severus grew impatient. The conversation was meandering too much for his taste. He wanted to cut to the chase but he had to be subtle. "Yes well I'm glad you can take the high ground with the unfortunate mutt. However it must be somewhat abrasive to some of the ladies in your social circle. He's a bit rough for them. Tell me how do they receive him?"

"Quite well actually. Many of my friends are quite sheltered. Most of us were raised in a very small world." She gave a sly smile as she sipped her sherry. "When they meet someone as infamous and notorious as Fenrir, they are quite fascinated with him. You know he can be quite charming on the rare occasion he chooses to be so."

The conversation was once again drifting away from the subject he was most interested in. "Fascinating? Tell me who finds him fascinating?"

"Severus Snape, I've never known you to be such a gossip." She admonished.

"It's not gossip. I'm just curious. There is so little to amuse one's self in the country. Tell me where does he meet these women and what do they talk about?" He knew he was being heavy handed now but he couldn't stop himself.

Her smile turned to a smirk. "Severus, you know if you want to hear about my meet up with Sasha you can just ask me."

He feigned disinterest. "Oh uh…have you seen her recently?"

"You may drop the pretense Severus, I'll tell you everything."

He remained silent and grave, hanging on her every word. "I did see Sasha last week. Nymphadora was getting married and they were at the spa for a day of beauty."

_At last, success._ "W-was she well?"

"She seemed well yes."

His mind raced. Did she miss him? He was dying to know if she asked about him but he couldn't ask the question directly without further betraying himself. "Good. I'm glad to hear that. What did you talk about?"

"She asked about Lucius."

"Lucius?"_ Why would she ask about him? Did she not ask about me? Was she covering up our relationship? Surely she was. Or maybe she wasn't. She must loathe me. _

"Yes, ever the admiring younger sister. She's always adored her brother, even when they don't see eye to eye." She spoke with pride as if everyone admired Lucius in the same manner.

"Yes, she does. Although we all disagree with her politics, she is loyal to Lucius. Anything else…interesting?"

"No." Narcissa sipped her sherry and glanced at him sideways. "Actually we argued most of the time."

"Argued? About what?"

"You."

"Me?"

"I told her you were well."

Good, that was good. She knew he was alive at least. Then she must know he would fight like hell to get back to her. "How would my being well start an argument?"

"She said she didn't care." She looked at him pointedly.

His blood turned cold and his heart felt like it dropped into his shoes. "Of course not. Why would she?"

Narcissa then seemed to regret her words. "I'm sorry Severus."

"What for?" He turned silently and faded out of the room. He had to get away. He desperately had to get away from this conversation before he showed emotion.

_Damn, Damn, Damn!_ Sasha cursed herself for getting herself into a predicament she that she almost didn't escape. She'd been reckless just like Severus always told her she was and got caught. Now Rudolphus knew she was there. Possibly Fenrir Greyback too as Rudolphus might change his mind and fill in the blanks the obliviation spell created. It was only a matter of time before Fenrir pieced that bit of information together with her conversation with Cissy. Oh then what would happen to Severus. He was a good liar but this was a bit of a stretch and so unnecessary. _Damn, Damn, Damn!_ Severus would have never made a mistake like this. He was always so analytical, so careful. She was all over the place.

She didn't know what to do. She couldn't tell anyone in the order without bringing her relationship with Severus out in the open. That would never do. They would no longer trust her if they knew her true alliance lay with Dumbledore's killer. Oh if only Sirius were here. She could trust him. He would understand her need to see Severus and not judge her for it.

She tried to take a step back and look at her situation from a more clinical aspect. _Okay, let's look at the facts._ _Rudolphus knows you were there. That's all. He doesn't know why. You don't know if he told. _ _Severus belittled you in a conversation to Fenrir. You heard that, but it may not be as it appears. Surely he was playing his role as always._ However Sasha couldn't escape the question mark in her mind. What if this was how he truly felt? Could she have been such a fool? There was certainly a chance. She had to know the truth. And she knew there was only one way to discover it. It was risky but she worth it to know.

The following week, Sasha set out for London early on her broom. Her plan was to casually drop by the spa on Cissy's regular day and see if she could bump in to her.

She got there as they opened and decided she would drag out the day and continue to get treatments until closing or Cissy appeared, whichever came first. She started with a pedicure and was only in the chair for about 20 minutes before Cissy appeared.

She breezed into the room with the aloof aristocratic air suggesting that she was really too busy to be bothered with anything trivial. "Oh, hello Sasha. How lovely to see you again. I must admit I'm surprised to see you back here."

"I decided at my age I should really start taking better care of myself. Besides, summer is terribly boring this year. I've been so idle it's unhealthy. So I decided to treat myself to a visit to London."

"Well good for you. I always said you would be so much prettier if you took more time with your appearance. You inherited the Malfoy looks that's for certain."

As usual Sasha couldn't decide if this was a compliment or a crack. She didn't have time to dwell on that today however. "So how is life at Malfoy Manor? Anything interesting going on?"

Narcissa smiled slyly at her. "Oh of course you know it's lovely this time of year. All my roses are blooming and this year I've added some new climbing roses and a trellis on the southern side of the veranda. They are actually a hybrid…"

Sasha tuned her out as she rambled on about the over manicured garden. She chuckled to herself at how she was taking credit for any of it. The house elves were certainly slaving away over this latest whim. It was probably costing Lucius a fortune. Here the family home was suffering from an infestation of Death Eaters but who cares, let's plant flowers. Typical Cissy, she lived in her own little world. She nodded politely and made the appropriate oohs and aaah, letting her get it all out of her system. All the while she pondered a way to turn the conversation around to who told what to whom.

Finally she had an opening. "I saw Fenrir escorting you home last week. Is he fertilizing the plants for you?"

Snobby laughter filled the room as they shared a gossipy giggle. "No dear, he's merely acting as my security. Lucius thinks I'm a high value target and insists I have a bodyguard whenever I leave the grounds. You know he's so protective." She gushed with a conceited grin.

Sasha smirked. The first slip had occurred. "Oh, so you HAVE seen Lucius. I'm so glad to hear it. Is he well?"

Most people wouldn't have noticed but Sasha saw her sister in laws jaw tighten and knew she had her now. Cissy sighed. "Yes, he's recently returned home with Draco. It's so wonderful to have them home again." She was so cool butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.

"Sounds like you have a full house. Lucius, Draco, Fenrir, any other houseguests?" She tried to sound casual.

It was Cissy's turn to smirk. "Just ask me Sasha."

"Ask you what?"

"About Severus."

"Oh pooh! Why can't you let that go Ciss?"

"I could ask you the same question."

Sasha huffed and turned away. Like it or not Cissy was family and she just knew her too well. She was loath to trust her but what choice did she have? It was either this or the madness of not knowing. "Is he staying with you?" She already knew the answer to that but Cissy may not know that she knew.

"He is and he is well. Although I think he was a bit put out when I told him about our conversation last week."

This comment stumped Sasha. He certainly didn't seem put out when he was ragging on her to Fenrir. So one or the other was an act. "Put out?"

"Yes, I told him you said you didn't care when I told you he was well and he seemed a little dejected. Poor dear went sulking off to his room."

"You did what?"

"Well, you said you didn't care. Was that a lie?"

Sasha wasn't sure how to answer that. On one hand Cissy seemed to be an advocate for the two of them and she was family. On the other, her alliance would always lie first with Lucius who would sacrifice her in a moment. Remembering her disastrous actions of the prior week, she decided to air on the side of caution. It was what Severus would do. _Lie now, sort it out later._

"No it wasn't a lie. I don't have time to concern myself with him." If Cissy did know about her visit to the Manor last week, she was not letting on. Sasha decided to keep fishing, she was in a good place as Cissy had slipped a few times already.

"So is the K-9 detail with you again today? I don't smell him."

"No, Severus told Lucius he thought Fenrir was too much of a wild card for this assignment. He's been reassigned."

"Oh so you're here alone today."

"No I have another bodyguard."

"Anyone I might know?"

"I could tell you darling but I'd have to kill you."

They shared a phony society girl laugh.

Sasha's treatment was soon completed and she pulled herself together and prepared to leave. The thought crossed her mind that there was a very small chance that Severus was the bodyguard. But of course that was silly. He was a fugitive and certainly wouldn't go out in public until the heat was off. He was far too careful and cautious.

"Sasha, I'll tell him I saw you and that you were well." Narcissa whispered with a kind touch of her hand.

There was so much Sasha wanted her to relay to him, but instead she responded flippantly. "As you wish, it makes no difference to me. Give my love to Lucius and Draco."

Sasha quickly paid her tab and seeing no security detail in the lobby, left the building. She didn't get far however before she was pulled into the alley next to the spa by strong arms that easily overpowered her. She was pulled at least ten feet into the alley into the shadows and was soon nose to nose with Rudolphus Lestrange.

"Merlin, you scared me Rudy."

"Wonder why? You should be scared. I'll be you've been worried to death I'll spill our little secret haven't you?" He was leering at her and she smelled whiskey on his breath even though it was only ten in the morning.

"Not at all I…" but he cut her off.

"Oh save it." He pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows. His face had always been so expressive particularly if his guard was down. "Don't worry my dear, I haven't told a soul. It will be our dirty little secret as I promised."

"Hardly dirty but your mind always was in the gutter. Why would I care if you tell?"

"I don't know. But I'll figure it out eventually. I'm very clever. Don't you remember?" He leaned towards her and his face was inches from hers.

"Oh I remember Rudy."

He smiled broadly and his eyelids lowered slightly over chocolate brown eyes. "You know no one's called me Rudy in years."

Sasha tried to keep her tone light and unworried. "That's a sign your getting old."

He snickered. "I do love a girl with quick wit. So tell me do you come here every week? If so I'll have to make sure I'm security each week."

"No sorry to disappoint you. My spa days are sporadic at best." She pushed him to the side and was surprised when he actually moved. She walked calmly away from this dangerous predator. "You'll just have to take your chances."

"I believe I shall Miss Malfoy."

She walked slowly away from him and down the street. Amazingly enough, he let her go.

Sasha returned to the burrow just in time for the Order of the Phoenix meeting. She was anxious to share her intelligence now that she could present it as something she stumbled upon by accident rather than a desperate attempt to meet her lost love. She relayed her two meetings with Cissy and recounted the list of Death Eaters she now knew to be at Malfoy Manor.

"I'd bet my eye Voldemort is there too." Madeye as always spoke with conviction. "And that tells me they are preparing for something big."

"Any ideas on what Alaster?" Remus sat in his chair leaning forward with interest. Tonks stood behind him rubbing his shoulder, however he didn't seem to notice her. He was such a marauder to his core, ever engaged in the fight.

"Harry's birthday is quickly approaching and as soon as he is of age all the protective wards will vanish. Be certain that Voldemort is preparing to strike." Madeye thumped his cane on the floor for emphasis.

"We must remove Harry prior to that." Remus was extremely focused. "We need to come up with a clever plan though. I'm sure the house is already under constant surveillance."

Alastar went on. "Mugdunous had and excellent idea."

Sasha laughed loudly. Madeye and a few others scowled at her. "Oh come on, no one else things that's funny?" Tonks giggled and shook her head.

"Damnit Sasha be serious." Remus admonished her.

"I was." She looked around. "Oh come one, no one finds that statement funny? Oxymoron?"

"Shut it!"

Sasha rolled her eyes. "We're eff-ed if we're listening to that dodgy old fart."

Alaster ignored her. "As I said, Mugdunus came up with an idea. We'll all meet at Harry's Aunt and Uncle's house and split into teams. One person from each team will take polyjuice potion to look like Harry. Then we can all fly out with a decoy Harry. It increases our odds significantly."

"It's not a perfect plan but it's not bad." Remus chimed in.

"Oh pooh." Sasha crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair.

"What's wrong with that?" Tonks asked.  
"You expect me to believe that _Mug-dumbass_ came up with that?"

"He told me himself." Madeye barked at her obviously not liking to be challenged.

Sasha smacked her hand down on the arm of her chair. "It's a plant. Someone's feeding him suggestions or he stole the idea. He's way to thick to come up with that. Trust me I've worked with him. The man doesn't have both oars in the water."

"She could be right Alastar." Remus agreed. "He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer. I don't like it."

"Nonsense! It's a brilliant plan and we're going to use it."

"Says who? Isn't this a democracy?" All eyes were on Sasha now. She worried her mouth was writing drafts her brain couldn't cash. So she backed down a bit. "Look I'm just saying we should carefully consider this, you know shoot holes in the plan. We don't want to walk into an ambush do we?"

"Sasha's right Alastar." Remus thankfully supported her and people generally listened to him. "Tell us about this conversation. How did it come about?"

The debate went on for hours with lots of shouting and nasty arguments. Kingsley sat in silence in the corner listening to everyone. Finally when everyone was running out of steam and it had all been said, Kingsley voiced his opinion.

"It seems to me to be our best option at the moment. If we move the timing up we can surprise the Dark Lord. He will expect us to leave Harry there in safety until the last second. Alaster, since you believe so firmly in Mugdunas, he shall take the potion and you shall be his partner. We have to have to trust those we work with and it seems you're the only one who trusts him."

"Fine then." Alastar barked. "It's settled. Let's pick the date."

AN: Well no lust in the dust but some necessary plot points had to be fleshed out. Don't worry; she'll see the dashing Severus soon and when she least expects it. How do you like that smarmy Rudolphus? I always thought he was an interesting if underdeveloped character. Cissy is the go-between and seems to enjoying the moment.

Thanks for all the wonderful reviews I just love that you are so thoughtful to give feedback to a starving artist (Starved for attention lol) Enjoy the weekend everyone!


	75. CH 74 ShotoPolyjuice & a Cloud of Dust

CHAPTER SEVENTY-FOUR

A Shot of Polyjuice and a Cloud of Dust

As discussed, the Order of the Phoenix descended on the Dursley residence well before Harry's birthday. Harry looked relieved to see everyone. Much like his father he was a young man who didn't like to be isolated. He was gregarious and thrived on relationships with others. Granted he was growing up faster than most but he looked far older than nearly 17, much more like his father every day. He seemed particularly relieved to see Ron and Hermione who were the closest thing to siblings he had. Sasha closed her eyes and remembered the Black brothers. She would have given anything to have them with her tonight.

The thought of them made her shudder. She had to get out of her own head and put her game face on for the task at hand. Thankfully Tonks was there and always good for a laugh. She sauntered over to where Sasha was standing in the kitchen. With a mischievous grin she picked a lemon out of the fruit bowl and sliced it with a wave of her wand. She held the slice up to Sasha with a mocking grin. Then she rubbed the slice on the back of her hand and grabbing the nearby saltshaker, shook some salt over the juice.

"Nice." Sasha giggled.

Tonks shook with laughter but no sound came out. Then she licked the salt off her hand, tossed her head back as she slammed the Polyjuice potion and began to suck on the lemon. Sasha couldn't contain her giggles as she watched the change take place

"Well that's lovely. Tell me should I call you Tarry or Honks?"

"Stick with Tonks if you know what's good for you."

"Polyjuice potion still amazes me." Sasha remarked as she was now standing face to face with Harry/Tonks.

"It is very cool isn't it? The aurors train extensively with it. It's wild to be someone else. Especially a guy." Tonks pulled her waistband out a bit and looked down her knickers.

"Nyphadora Lupin! You are not in your right mind!"

Tonks raised an eyebrow at her. "Not bad, wanna see?"

Sasha turned her head and took a step back. "No! I do not want to see!" Sasha dissolved into a fit of laughter.

Tonks merely laughed and took another peek. Sasha smacked her hand. "Stop it! I'm telling Remus." Tonks laughed and shoved her back and pretty soon they were laughing and jabbing each other like schoolgirls until Moody yelled at them.

"Sasha, Nymphadora! What are you laughing about? This is dangerous, get yourselves over here." The two witches walked to the living room giving each other an occasional shove.

Sasha tried to refocus on the task at hand. She wondered if everyone was skilled and fast enough for the tasks at hand and started sizing up everyone's brooms. "Merlin's beard Tonks! Are you still riding around on that dodgy old Comet 260?"

"What's wrong with my Comet 260?" She spat back completely offended.

"Nothing if you're giving old ladies a ride to tea. You're an auror for Merlin's sake, you've got to upgrade."

"Bugger off!"

"Ron, you're not seriously riding that old Shooting Star tonight?"

Madeye intervened. "Get your snobby nose out of other people's broomsticks Malfoy!" Sasha chuckled at being called by only her last name. It reminded her of her quidditch days in school. "Ron's riding Harry's Firebolt. Harry's riding with Hagrid."

"Ahh! Sirius' old bike! Lucky! That's a sweet ride Potter." She realized people were staring at her and perhaps her excitement about this chase was not appropriate in the least. It was times like this when she missed Sirius the most. He would understand how she felt. It wasn't a lack of concern. She was merely enthusiastic about flying and the various modes of doing so. She caught sight of the twins who seemed to be feeling the same. George nodded her over.

"Still riding that custom job?" Fred piped in. "George and I recently indulged ourselves and purchased custom Firebolts ourselves."

"Really?" She was immediately fascinated. "Tell me did you upgrade to the protego package because I heard that made them a little slower."

"Shut it!" Madeye barked so loudly that Sasha jumped and the twins stood at attention. Sasha then resolved to keep her mouth shut and not draw further ire from Alastar. He was right; it was time to get serious. He reviewed the plan one last time. He would be stuck with Mundungus, since no one else wanted him. Arthur would be with Fred and Remus would be with George. Although she understood why Arthur and Molly were adamant about splitting the twins up Sasha wasn't sure it was a good idea. They were such a cohesive unit, unstoppable on the quidditch pitch. Splitting them could through them off.

Kingsley was with Hermione. That was probably a good move. Her broom skills were basic at best. Truth be told she wasn't a good enough flier to be on this mission, but the golden trio worked better together, so here she was. Kingsley would keep her safe.

Bill and Ron would be a good team. Bill was very intelligent and cool under pressure. He would be a good lead for Ron who needed a strong leader.

Hagrid and Harry, well Sasha wasn't sure about that. First of all Harry was, next to herself, the best flier of the bunch. It didn't make sense to put him at the mercy of Hagrid in the motorcycle sidecar. She had argued this extensively with Moody but he wouldn't accept her view and since he was the oldest, loudest and meanest, everyone listened to him.

Sasha personally couldn't be more thrilled with her partner Tonks who she would trust with her life. They worked well together. She reminded Sasha of a younger sweeter version of herself. Her adrenaline pumped up and she started to get jumpy with anticipation of the mission. If only Sirius were here, she would feel so much better.

Before they stepped out on the lawn, Tonks touched her husband's arm and planted a lingering kiss on his lips.

"Be careful darling. Don't take chances." Remus said to her softly.

"We'll be fine Remus. I love you." She stood on tiptoes and kissed him, which was a very strange sight considering she was transformed. A few snickered in the room but Tonks and Remus didn't seem to hear them. Sasha sighed and dropped her eyes not wanting to watch this tender exchange. It irritated her. So much to that she was almost angry at the Lupins for doing this in front of her. She felt cheated that he wasn't there with her fighting side by side with the rest of the Order. He was braver than any of them but they had no idea what he was doing for them. He was branded a traitor. It was terribly unfair.

Their kiss ended as the boys started to make gagging noises at the sight of the fake Harry making out with their former professor. Sasha tried to move them along. "Come on homophobes! We've got work to do."

As the Death Eaters watched the Dursly's house from a distance Voldemort summoned Severus to him. "Which one is he Severus?" He hissed.

Severus was on edge, he had to protect Harry and Sasha but without seeming to do so. "I wasn't given the information my lord. However if we use logic, I think we can rule out the one with Hagrid, they wouldn't entrust that buffoon with Harry. The logical choice would be the Harry with Lupin, Kingsley or Moody, they would challenge you most."

"You have conspicuously left Lucius' sister out of your reasoning." His pale voice accused Severus as he locked eyes on him and tried unsuccessfully to penetrate his mind.

Ice in the veins. "She's a solid flier my lord but not a fighter. I'm sure she's a decoy."

"Or perhaps what I'm hearing these days is true my friend. That the extent of your involvement with this beauty is more than platonic." He hissed at him with evil seeming oozing from every pore.

"Other than the possibility of amusing fornication she is of no interest to me. I have more important things to focus on. Follow her if you wish but I think, with all due respect, you will be disappointed." This was not the time or the place to think about what a disgusting thing he had just said. He would think about that later.

"Very well. Rudolphus will follow her, his broom skills are excellent, and you take the one with the werewolf. Remember, I'll be watching all of you." He swept his bony arm wide as he spoke to his minions.

"As you wish my Lord." Severus' heart was cold and dead; it could be no other way. He would break down later. Now was not the time.

Sasha and Tonks took off on their planned route and for a brief moment Sasha wondered if they were about to make this getaway undetected. Her hopes were soon dashed however as three Death Eaters swooped in with a trail of black smoke behind them. "Shit! It's Rudolphus!" She yelled to Tonks who then swerved quickly down and to the right. Sasha took off after her like a shot but there was now another Death Eater between them. He was similar in build to Rudolphus and she quickly realized it was none other than Rasbatan Lestrange. Both Lestrange brothers, this was not good. She swooped down after Tonks but Rudolphus got between them and flew backwards as he met her eyes with glee.

"Ha ha little one! We meet again.

She dove under him with all the speed she could muster and nearly knocked him off his broom. Seconds later she was behind Rasbatan and within striking range. "Stupefy!" She shot at him and he fell off his broom and began plummeting to the earth.

"Nice one Sasha!" Rudolphus yelled as he passed her while swooping low to catch his brother before he met his end.

Finally she was in line with Tonks again. She nodded and they gunned their brooms in unison to top speed high into the night sky and onward to safety. Sasha took one look behind her to see that the third Death Eater was left in their wake.

They continued to fly high in the clouds and relaxed a bit as they realized they were no longer followed. They flew over the hazy lights of London before finally landing in Hyde Park. They quickly ran to a wooded area reaching a discarded beer can that was just beginning to glow blue. Without a word they place their hands on it and were immediately sucked through the port key, which took them to the burrow. Both landed with a thud skidding across the grass sending debris in every direction.

"Holy crap that was close." Sasha lay there on her back catching her breath, relieved and gazing absentmindedly at the stars. She spotted the constellation Leo and the star of Regulus. She hugged herself feeling close to her childhood hero. _Ah Regs, were you watching over me tonight?_ She looked over for Tonks but she was already up and running into the waiting arms of Remus. He held her tight and whispered reverently into her ear. Sasha's heart sank as she envied their situation. Reluctantly she got up and dusted herself off before walking over to meet them.

"Glad to see you made it Remus. Any trouble?"

He narrowed his eyes and scowled at her for an agonizingly long moment.

Sasha furrowed her brow knowing what came next would not be good. "What is it? What's happened?"

"George was cursed. He's lost an ear." He said flatly.

Tonks gasped. Sasha though shocked focused on a solution. "An ear? Oh my heavens. Can anyone reattach it? Has he been taken to St. Mungos?"

He cut her off sternly. "No, it can not be reattached. It was severed with very dark magic." He continued to glare at her. "Sectumsemprum." He growled.

She bravely met his eyes but her lower lip began to quiver.

"Care to venture a guess who cursed him Sasha?"

Mother of Merlin how she wanted to curse the living hell out of him in that very moment. "Spare me the drama Lupin, I can figure that out for myself." A chill came over her as she realized she drawled out his last name just as Severus used to do. They stood there glaring at each other while Tonks looked wide-eyed first at one and then the other. Remus looked murderous and she wondered if anger could cause him to phase into wolf form. She raised her eyebrows and gave him a snotty expression. "Well?" She paused wondering if she should really proceed or let it drop. No, she had to proceed in order to find out her lover's fate. "And how did you retaliate for this action?"

He growled at her. "I couldn't. George was bleeding profusely. It was all I could do to pull him onto my broom and back to safety."

Her anger ebbed away as relief poured over her and she fought to keep it hidden. "I'm sure you did all you could Remus. The most important thing is that you're both safe."

He continued to glare at her until Tonks mercifully changed the subject. "Is Harry back yet?"

He seemed to shake himself out of a though. "Yes, and unhurt. Come inside while we wait for the others."

Back at Malfoy Manor Voldemort raged over the evenings staggering defeat. Once again he had failed to kill the boy. The already cursed Stan Shunpike now suffered the cruciatus curse in extended periods. Although he had, under the imperious curse correctly identified the real Harry, he was not a true follower, of marginal use and therefore expendable. Voldemort was so full of rage he had to take it out on someone and Stan became the unfortunate subject.

At length, he tired of this exercise and swept out of the room with a flourish of dingy robes behind him. Bellatrix gave a sly look to Rudolphus and slithered out of the room behind the Dark Lord, which earned a smirk from her husband.

Everyone was exhausted and one by one exited the room until finally only Severus and Rudolphus were left. "Hell of a night wasn't it Snape?"

"Yes." Severus was dreading going to bed. He was wired from the night's events and the sight of his lovely Sasha in the thick of the fight was terrifying. He knew sleep would never come.

Rudolphus let out a rumbling sigh and strode with purpose to the liquor cabinet. Without a word he poured and downed a shot. He looked at Snape and raised his eyebrows almost daring him to comment on his marital woes. "Vodka?"

Severus didn't like to drink in the presence of these people and he didn't care for vodka but tonight he needed a drink badly. "Yes. A large one if you please."

"Humph." Rudolphus smirked, poured a large vodka, and handed it to him. "I'd forgotten how good a flier Sasha Malfoy was. She hasn't changed a bit you know. Well, perhaps her arse filled out a little but it looks delicious." He gave a playful growl showing perfect white teeth. "As I chased her the view was smashing."

_Ice in the veins, this could be a test._

Severus rolled his eyes. "Charming. Don't share those sentiments with Bella or I'm sure you'll live to regret them."

"Pfft!" Rudolphus gunned his drink and poured yet another. "I've seen very little of my lovely wife since we escaped Azkaban. She is the willing companion of the Dark Lord now and there's nothing to be done about it. Why shouldn't I have a little fun?"

Severus took a long drink before responded flatly. "Lucius might not like it."

Rudolphus laughed loudly and slapped his knee. "Lucius? Lucius is not a factor any longer. What's your interest in Sasha?"

"She's been a useful leak on occasion. Can't seem to keep her mouth shut which could prove valuable this year since I am persona non grata with the Order."

He cocked his head to the side with a mischievous smirk. "Are you fucking her?"

"Indeed not."

"Brilliant, I think I'll have a go at her."

_How the hell is this possible? Can't I just have one year where I'm not competing with someone else for her affections? He even looks like a Karkaroff. Oh fuck me. This is just bloody brilliant._

"Give it a try, it will be amusing to watch you crash and burn. She's turned down better men than you."

"No worries." Rudolphus walked past Severus clinking their glasses against one another as he went. "I'm not going to ask her permission." And with that he sauntered out of the room picking up the bottle as he went. Severus watched him go as his parting words chilled him to the bone.

_AN: January 9__th__ Happy Birthday to our dashing potions master today. Sorry to write you such a frustrating chapter without birthday sex or cake but its only summer in this world so you'll just have to wait. Thanks to all my faithful reviewers and the wonderful people who_


	76. Chapter 75 Bill & Fleur's Wedding

CHAPTER SEVENTY-FIVE

Bill & Fleur's Wedding

Sasha suffered through the second wedding in a matter of weeks with a brave face. Despite Fleur being a very demanding high maintenance girl, she was happy for Bill. They obviously loved each other very much. Her attentions however were not entirely focused on the happy couple.

She was dressed for an evening of gaiety, her fake smile was firmly plastered on her face and she was externally, the same girl she had always been. Inside however she was awash in self-pity. It seemed everywhere she looked there was a wedding, a baby on the way or two people in love. Molly and Arthur were fondly recalling their wedding day and after all these years (and some kind of odd attachment to Sirius) they still looked very much in love.

Tonks and Remus were very much the newlyweds, all hearts and flowers. She had never seen Remus look so happy, so cared for. He'd never let anyone get close to him due to his condition and the change in him now was remarkable. His smile was bigger, his eyes were brighter and he showed a sweet attentiveness to his new bride that just made Sasha's heart ache. Turning away was useless, everywhere she turned it seemed love was in the air. Harry and Ginny, were in the spring of their young love and seeing them together reminded her of James and Lily. He certainly had his father's taste in women. Ginny was very similar in appearance to Lily with her long auburn hair and sweet expression. It was enough to make Sasha want to avoid her like the plague. She felt like she was being haunted.

As the wedding concluded Remus who had known her longer than anyone else there sensed her sadness. They were seated in the second row during the ceremony and it would be quite some time before they made it to the receiving line. "Ladies, May I interest you in joining me for a glass of champagne? If we scoot out the corner of the tent we can get a table and avoid the crowd."

"I knew there was a reason I liked you." Tonks smiled as she slipped her arm around his and the three of them entered the reception first. The band was already playing and the girls took a table at the far end of the room so they could check out everyone entering. Remus procured a bottle of champagne and joined them. As he was pouring the champagne Harry sulked in alone and sat at their table without a word.

Lupin looked at him and spoke in a very fatherly tone. "So have you given any more thought to what I told you?"

"I guess." He shrugged.

"And have you changed your mind?"

"No."

Remus gave no response but they stared at each other in some kind of stalemate. Sasha ever the meddler and in desperate need of a distraction, jumped right in.

"Changed your mind about what?"

Harry ignored her while scowling across the room at nothing. Sasha turned to Remus and raised a questioning eyebrow.

"It seems Harry is determined to go after Voldemort by himself."

"Why would you do a fool thing like that? Completely unnecessary I might add, you have a legion behind you."

Harry glared at her. "I don't want anyone else to be hurt on my account. It's my battle. I have to do this on my own"

"Oh pooh!" Sasha rolled her eyes. "Don't be cocky like James. Be smart like your mother."

"My father wasn't cocky." Came Harry's retort and Sasha snickered thinking he sounded just as impudent as his father and twice as cocky. She would have like to continue to needle him but remembered she was the 'grown-up'.

She winked at Remus as she cleared her throat. "Perhaps uber-confident is a better adjective. Look if one person could end this war it would have been over by now. He has his Army. They even got to Albus.

Harry cut her off, "Snape got to Dumbledore." If looks could kill at the moment, she was sure she would have been a goner. People were hesitant to trust her if they knew she had been involved with Severus. If anyone knew the full extent of their involvement, she would have been ostracized for sure.

Sasha flinched at this. "Yes, so he did." She said softly while avoiding eye contact with Remus.

Remus, also uncomfortable with the mention of Snape, jumped in to help. "Harry, your parents and Sirius, they knew the value of friendship in a fight like this. They knew that there is strength in numbers." He reached over and squeezed Sasha's hand, a gesture that she was immensely thankful for.

"That's right." She said while smiling back at her old friend. "The seeker can't win the match alone. He has to have his teammates to run interference."

"Absolutely. We all have skin in the game here."

"And we're all going to die anyway." Everyone stopped to look at Sasha who immediately knew she had said the wrong thing. "What I mean is, we can die in the fight or we can die of old age but we can't live forever. What was that poem that Sirius used to love? Rage, rage…do you remember Remus?"

"Yes Dylan Thomas. Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

"Right! That's the one. Though wise men at their end know dark is right,  
Because their words had forked no lightning they Do not go gentle into that good night.' Oh shoot I can't remember the rest." She giggled remembering Sirius saying these very words.

Remus laughed. "I can't believe you remembered that at all. You've got a good memory."

"How could anyone forget that? Sirius would be half in the bag at the Three Broomsticks, jump on the table and start his preaching."

Harry and Tonks snickered, enjoying this trip down memory lane.

"Indeed he did." Remus sighed. "My old friend, I miss him so much."

"I do too. But Harry, the point I'm making is that Sirius and James lived by a creed. They would always say, 'If you have to go down.'"

Remus finished her sentence. "Go down swinging."

"Right! Like it or not Harry, we're all in this together." Sasha smiled at him.

Harry mustered a smile and nodded. The room was starting to fill up and as Ron and Hermione entered, Harry left to join them.

"Ah, excuse me. I see Kingsley and I'd like a word with him before dinner." Remus left their table.

Tonks and Sasha watched the guests enter the party. "Is that Luna Lovegood's father? What the hell is he wearing?"

Sasha snorted. "Well now we know where Luna gets her fashion sense." They continued to amuse themselves with their red carpet fashion segment just to kill time. As badly as Sasha felt, it was a nice release to be snarky about people's outfits with Tonks who would think no worse of her for it. That's what friends were for.

Finally Bill and Fleur swept onto the dance floor to start the party although others were still making their way in. Sasha choked down two more glasses of horribly cheap champagne as she endured the first dance. Finally the rest of the guests joined them blocking her view of the lovely couple. As she scanned the crowd again, she stopped cold when she caught sight of Fleur's older sister with her date who was very familiar. Sasha gasped and quickly turned her head away.

"Merlin's nightgown! Oh no! Bloody Hell? Who let him in?"

Her reaction startled Tonks. "What's the matter with you?" Her eyes darted around the room fearing danger.

Sasha put her hand over her eyes and looked down. "Shit!"

"What? What is it?" Tonks pulled her hand away from her face.

"Ivan."

"Ivan?" Tonks smirked. "The way you're carrying on I thought Voldemort was here. Where is he?"

"Over there. Shit!"

"Brilliant!" She whispered conspiratorially. "Perfect! Just what you need to get over tall, dark and murderous."

"Are you crazy? Oh no! I've got to get out of here." Sasha's eyes darted around the room looking for a quick escape. "I don't want to see him. Oh Merlin, why does everything have to be so bloody complicated?"

Tonks couldn't contain her giggles. "What's so complicated about it? Anyway, I don't think you have as much to worry about as your gigantic Malfoy ego might think. He seems to be glued to Fleur's older sister. Check it out."

Sasha moved her fingers apart and peeked through them at Ivan with one eye. Tonks was right. He was whispering in her ear and she was laughing as he nuzzled her hair. A shiver went down her back as she recalled what that exact move felt like on her own skin. He was certainly practiced and she chuckled to herself thinking how silly she'd been to think it was she who brought out the seductor in him. "I guess you're right. Time marches on doesn't it?" She grinned as she watched the two lovers and was happy for him. It erased some of her guilt. This good feeling however quickly ground to a halt as he turned his head and his eyes found hers. He knew exactly where she was in the room and his eyes sought her out. He gave her a mischievous look and smiled seductively before nuzzling the eldest Delacour girl's neck and making her laugh again. During the sensuous interchange, he never took his eyes off Sasha. She smirked and watched as she assumed he wanted her to. When he finished she rolled her eyes causing him to smile broadly at her. _Damn why does he have to be so good looking?_

"Now what do you suppose he's up to?" Tonks said watching this exchange.

"What who's up to?" Remus returned to their table with a second bottle of champagne. It wasn't soon enough for Sasha who grabbed it and quickly poured another drink.

"Looks like Ben Braddock is back from college." Tonks nodded her head in Ivan's direction.

"Shut up!" Sasha couldn't help but laugh at her reference and dipped her finger in her drink before flicking it in Tonk's direction and getting some on her nose. Both girls laughed, and it felt wonderful. Laughter was a rarity these days.

"Oh yes, young Mr. Karkaroff." Remus was finally catching up. "He appears to be with Fluer's sister."

"Yes, we've riddled that out after watching him slobber all over her my dear." Tonks poked her new husband in the ribs and he smiled at his bride.

"Well, I'm happy for him. Really. We were through ages ago." Sasha's two friends looked at her blankly as if she were telling the most ridiculous lie. "No really." She insisted. "I was just going to go and congratulate him."

"Well here's your chance my dear. He's coming over." Remus teased while looking over her shoulder.

Sasha quickly scanned the crowd for the first available man. "Viktor!" The Bulgarian Bonbon standing nearby was the lucky winner. He smiled politely as she quickly retreated from her table but appeared surprised. "Dance with me Viktor." She whispered. He seemed a little stunned but obliged and led her to the dance floor.

"Uhm, yes. Certainly Professor." He took her hand and they danced in a grand fashion. He was certainly graceful. In fact she'd never med a Drumstrang man who wasn't an excellent dancer. She wondered how they accomplished this at an all boys' school.

Finally Viktor's curiosity got the better of him. "You're an elegant dancer Professor Malfoy but something tells me you are avoiding Mr. Karkaroff."

Sasha rolled her eyes. "Duh."

Viktor threw his head back and laughed loudly causing heads to turn. Sasha felt very lucky to have such an acquaintance at the moment. He would 'be cool' as the saying went and play along. "Would you like me to distract his lovely date so you may have a word with him?" He whispered into her ear.

"No!" She looked at him in shock and shook her head. "No way. Not unless it will make him jealous and cause him to leave in a huff."

"I don't think he's the kind that will go anywhere in a huff. He may in fact call me out."

"You're lots of fun Viktor but I just want to stay the hell away from him."

"He's persistent. I've seen him in action before. I'll dance you over to the corner of the tent and then your best bet is probably to sneak out."

"Viktor, you're the best! No wonder you were Igor's favorite."

"Headmaster Karkaroff would have wanted me to take care of you."

Her smile faded at the thought of Igor. She still missed him. Viktor did as he promised and she was able to escape the tent and walk unencumbered in the night air. The breeze was cool but she welcomed it being flushed from dancing in the warm tent. She found her favorite rock and sat down. Little did she know the entire wedding party was under a sinister surveillance tonight.

Severus watched from the hilltop as his beautiful Sasha walked mournfully away from the reverie and sat down alone on the rock. His heart leapt upon seeing her for the first time since that fateful day in June. He was disturbed that he'd forgotten just how beautiful she was. She was dressed in a pale blue flowing summer evening dress and her hair lifted gracefully in the breeze. The combination of her pale skin and hair with the soft blue fabric gave her a ghostly quality and he wondered briefly if he was dreaming. She was wearing her hair down which pleased him. Other men wouldn't get the full effect of her bare neck which he adored and wanted to keep all to himself. What must be going through her lovely mind right now? He observed her as she fumbled with something on her wrist. It must be the bracelet he gave her so long ago. She was wearing it, yes examining the charms. She was thinking of him. It was a good sign. He exhaled with relief but quickly drew breath again as he saw a tall dark haired man emerge from the tent and approach her from behind. _Son of a BITCH! _It was Ivan the Terrible. How dare he! Sasha was his. They both knew it. Only maybe now she wasn't his any longer. Perhaps they were here together. Perhaps she went back to Ivan after he'd disappointed her and left without a word. Oh how could he be subjected to these romantic scenes again? He recalled the torture of the not too distant past when he had to watch as the enfant terrible courted his witch and he could do nothing to stop it. Now here he was powerless again. Life was cruel.

"I don't think that bracelet matches your gown. I know of one that would look better." Ivan said with his typical cocky air.

Sasha turned with a start but then relaxed when she saw his mocking smile. "It's a bit showy for me, but I know another girl who would love it." She said without missing a beat.

"Who? Her?" He bumped her hip with his playfully to push her over so he would have room to sit on the rock beside her.

She gave an exasperated sigh and allowed him some space. "Her? Does _she_ have a name?"

"Probably." He nudged her with his shoulder and smiled playfully.

She looked at him with annoyance but was soon unable to keep a straight face and giggled. "I'm glad to see you're maturing Mr. Karkaroff."

He tossed his head back and laughed too loudly while draping his arm over her shoulders with a proprietary air. Severus steamed in the distance.

"She told me her name but you see I've forgotten it already. I only hit on her to get an invitation to the wedding so I could see you."

"Ivan please, I don't want to do this again."

"Yes you do or you would have asked me to leave by now. Come on Detka. Let's start over." His eyes met hers with the same relentless sexual intensity he'd pursued her with the last time.

She dropped her eyes, not wanting to be drawn in by him again. "No. We are not to be. Nothing has changed. And don't call me Detka anymore."

He touched her cheek and gently turned her face to his. "Everything has changed"

"No Ivan. Nothing has changed. Nothing. Do you understand me?"

Ivan pushed her face away from his and stood up. "Damnit Sasha! He's a murderer!"

Severus, who hadn't heard a bit of the conversation, heard this sentence loud and clear. _Disgusting little toad. _ However one thing was clear. Sasha had him on her mind. Still, after all that happened. She may not forgive him, but she was thinking of him and pushing this impetuous boy away again. There was still hope.

"I'm not listening to this." Sasha stood and began to walk towards the house. Ivan grabbed her and jerked her back.

Severus immediately drew his wand. One more move like that and he was a dead man. Bugger the consequences.

"Take you're hands off me Mr. Karkaroff." She said in a cool crisp voice. "I'm no longer anything that belongs to you. Severus is a murderer. Fine. You think that changes anything? I'm done with him but I'm done with you too. I'm done with love."

"So you did love me."

"I didn't say that." How was he always able to twist her around and make her say things she didn't want to say?

As was his nature, he kept the pressure on. "The last time we sat on that rock I asked you to marry me."

She turned to walk away from him but he walked after her. "Ah Ivan don't you get it?" She waved her arms in the air.

"No I don't get it." He was yelling again and ran around to stand in front of her. "I don't get it at all. He's a murderer, a Death Eater and he's gone. He'll never be yours. He's cold and miserable and completely undeserving. I'm right here." He pounded on his chest with one hand for emphasis while raising his voice through gritted teeth. "I'm right now. I'll give you the moon. If he cared about you, he'd be here instead of shacked up with your sister in law at your family home no less. AGAIN!"

Sasha wondered how he knew where Severus was but did not ask. "I'm not listening to this." She turned away from him but he ran in front of her and blocked her path.

"The hell you aren't! How can you love this man? How can you waste your life? Forget him Detka!" Ivan was screaming now and Sasha saw Remus come out of the tent with his wand drawn. "He's a miserable, worthless, anti-social, lying, sister-in-law shagging killer." He might have said more but the full force of Sasha's hand cracking across his cheek nearly knocked him down. He held it and looked at her in disbelief. "Sasha, how can you do this to me?"

She took one step towards him and stuck her wand into his chest. Her mannerisms, affected by her lover's were cold and intimidating. When she spoke her voice was low and icy. "Never….address me again Mr. Karkaroff."

"Sasha please." He reached for her hand but she snatched it back.

"I said never."

A commotion and a bright light coming from the center of the party interrupted them. Immediately they heard screams and the sounds of people apparating. "The Ministry has fallen."

Ivan's hand clamped down on hers. "Sasha we have to get out of here now."

"No. Let me go Ivan! We have to stay and fight until every one escapes safely. Remus, where is Harry?" Sasha yelled and tried to pull away from him but Ivan would not be moved.

"Now Sasha please. Come back to Russia with me. I'll keep you safe." He tried to pull her closer but she wasn't listening. Her eyes were searching the sky and her wand was drawn for the fight.

"Turn me loose Ivan!" She continued to struggle against him.

"I will not! Damnit! You're coming with me and I don't want an argument. I.."

But his sentence was cut off, as he was knocked back 40 feet by a stunning spell.

"Sasha!" Remus ran up to her. "We can't start fighting among ourselves now."

"I didn't do it Remus!" Sasha's eyes were wide with shock as she looked in the direction of the spell but saw no one.

"Mon cherie! Oh mon amour!" The eldest Delacour daughter came running to Ivan's rescue as he lay on the ground blinking and trying to shake some sense back into his head. She touched his arm and with a pop, they were gone.

Dark wizards suddenly began swooping in from every direction and wedding guests were apparating away so quickly the pops rattled like a muggle machine gun. As the low level Death Eaters swarmed the party Severus, remained in his command position and watched Sasha like a hawk ready to pounce at the first real threat. His underlings were under orders not to kill, merely to cause trouble and give the Order a true sense of thief vulnerability. He watched her graceful movements as she shot spells at her adversaries. She was thrilling to behold and the sight of her in a passionate fight stirred feelings within him that he hadn't felt in months. Finally, when all but a few guests had safely made their exit, Sasha took the arm of Lupin and along with Tonks disappeared with a pop. Severus felt hollow once again.

_AN: Oh that Ivan…Did you miss him? He's a pesky little bugger. Thanks for all the reviews and PMs this week! I really do love hearing what you think and your suggestions. Don't worry, our lovers will reunite again…or will they? DahDahDAAAAAAHHHH!_


	77. Chapter 76 Security

CHAPTER SEVENTY-SIX

Security

Sasha appeared along with Tonks and Remus at the Weasley twin's magical joke shop. Fred and George were already there along with Molly, Arthur and Ginny. All were breathing heavily fresh from the fight and no one said a word for a few moments. Arthur finally broke the ice. "Does anyone know where Ron and Harry went? And Hermione too?"

"My guess is where ever they've gone, they've decided to go it alone." Remus responded gravely. "Fred, George, go to your hearth and see if you can reach anyone at the shell cottage. I doubt they went there but maybe Bill and Fleur will be there and know something."

"Oh poor Fleur on her wedding day." Molly sighed and looked as if she was about to cry.

The twins scurried out of the room as the rest of the group quietly remained, still trying to take it all in. Sasha watched Molly who was taking her daughter into her arms. Poor Ginny was weeping softly. It made her miss her own mother as she could use a good cry while someone hugged her and told her it would all be okay. She began to feel a greater kinship with the group. Everyone had someone they loved in the fight. Even though she couldn't share the nature and depth of her own personal grief, she could at least know she was not alone in feeling it.

"So what do we do now Remus?" Sasha asked her dear friend. She had always considered him the wisest and most level headed of all Sirius' friends.

"We lay low tonight. Then tomorrow we will re-group and go about our business as normal. We must try very hard to attract no attention to ourselves." Remus looked at his bride as he spoke, worry was written all over his face. He furrowed his brow and rubbed his temples.

"Sasha," Arthur jumped in. "Do you think you could arrange to bump in to Narcissa again? She might be giddy with this latest victory and let more details slip."

"I can certainly try." Being put to use was a good thing, as it would keep her mind focused on something productive.

George and Fred returned and Fred made his announcement. "The happy couple is safely tucked in for their wedding night at the shell cottage. No sign of the others although they probably have their wards up to keep from being disturbed." He punched George in the shoulder and they began to laugh nervously although without their normal vigor.

With nothing much to be done at the moment and no further communication being possible due to the potential for eavesdropping, they decided to turn in for the night. The group conjured beds out of various pieces of furniture on the top floor of the shop, which George and Fred had converted into a bachelor's flat. Everyone slept in the living room huddled together for safety. Arthur and Remus, and Fred and George took turns rotating on guard duty. Sasha slept little as her mind raced over the evenings events. The Ministry had fallen; it was like the end of the world, the last symbol of law and order. Then there was the raid, Harry and his friends missing, Ivan and of course Severus, always Severus. She couldn't shake the feeling that he had been there tonight. It was utterly illogical but she just felt him. When the fight was happening, she didn't feel scared; she had a feeling of calm like someone was watching over her. It was silly really, what were the chances of that? Still she couldn't get it out of her head. She watched Remus pace in front of the window until she drifted off.

She awoke the next morning still in her dress from the night before with her hair askew. There was a little work to do on herself before she left for London in the hopes of meeting Cissy. She sat up on the edge of the bed and stretched quietly since Tonks and Ginny were still asleep. Quietly she tiptoed over to the closest mirror and twisted her hair on top of her head. No hope of leaving it down today. She had major bed head going on. Even magic wouldn't do the trick, she would have to start over but there was no time.

"Good Morning Professor!" George greeted her gallantly with a steaming cup of coffee.

"Ugh, George you're my hero. I've never needed caffeine so much in my life."

"Not at all," He crooned with his characteristic swagger. "The Weasley brothers are wonderful hosts to all lovely ladies on the morning after. Ask any of them."

She snickered at him and enjoyed a long sip of coffee. "Ah, that's wonderful. George, I've got to go to London immediately and I can't go like this. Mind if I raid your closet for a few accessories?"

"Not at all. Come with me and we'll hook you up."

Half an hour later Sasha was ready to go. George was so skinny his tan trousers fit her. He found this amusing, she was utterly depressed. She also borrowed a muggle man's white shirt and found a navy slim fitting long jacket and with a quick spell altered it to fit her figure. Not perfection, a little on the boring side but it would have to do.

She walked out the front door of the shop and paused on the steps as she looked up and down seemingly deserted streets. Movement on the normally busy Hogsmeade cobblestone streets was scarce this morning and it gave her an eerie feeling. She headed in the direction of Honeydukes to grab a quick sweet bread before she left town. Before she had gone twenty feet she was startled by a voice behind her. "Where are you off to so early Detka?"

Sasha stopped dead in her tracks and sighed heavily before turning around to the source. _Oh Merlin, this all I need. Give me strength!_ Slowly she turned to face Ivan Karkaroff's sardonic smile. He was dressed in muggle attire, jeans, a man's white shirt like her own and a chocolate brown corduroy jacket. He looked very un-wizard like but also exceedingly handsome. "And _what_, may I ask are you doing here?"

"Looking after you." He smiled softly and gazed at her with his big brown eyes.

"I don't need looking after." She turned on her heel and took off in long strides towards Honeydukes.

"Oh come on Detka." He caught up and lopped along beside her. "You're not still mad about last night are you?"

"Yes." She hissed back. "I told you no to address me again Mr. Karkaroff is your memory that short?"

"Oh, forget it." He growled waving his hand at her.

She ignored him and continued to walk as he continued trotting along beside her.

"Look, I'm sorry Detka. I didn't want to make you mad. I just miss you." He stood in front of her blocking her path. She groaned and sidestepped around him then continued on her way. "I didn't mean to make you mad. I'd been drinking champagne with the Delcours since two. I was intoxicated and quite taken in by your charms."

She stopped again and glared at him. "Damn it Ivan!" She growled through gritted teeth. "You know you're just like your brother. He would behave in the most abominable manner, act like a colossal jerk and then the next morning say 'Vell, I vas drunk!' Like that's supposed to excuse everything. It doesn't!"

Ivan flinched. It was the first and only time she had ever seen him flinch and she immediately felt guilty for being so harsh. Speaking ill of the dead wasn't really her style particularly Igor who she cared very much about. "Look, I'm sorry I snapped at you." she began and touched his arm; "I don't mean to offend you but that always used to bug me about Igor. Now, I'm very busy today, so if you will please just go …where ever it is you go to these days and leave me in peace." She continued her pace but he was undeterred.

"Where are you going?" He was like an annoying little brother trying to tag along.

"That's none of your business."

"I'm going with you."

"Phfft! Not hardly. What is it with you?"

"Look Detka, it's very dangerous right now. I'd love to take you away from everything and hide you but you won't let me so you see I'm reduced to following you and ensuring no harm comes to you."

Sasha processed this for a moment. He was right; it was dangerous to be out alone. A big strong bodyguard couldn't hurt. Cissy always had a bodyguard because Lucius thought she was a target. Was it using Ivan to allow him to tag along? Perhaps. She would have to be straight with him.

"Fine, you are right. There is safety in numbers and it's probably safer to travel together. You can come as long as you promise not to get in the way or interfere and say nothing of whatever you see or hear to anyone."

A smile curved across his sensuous lips and she wished he wasn't so handsome. His face was almost to stunningly gorgeous to look at.

"Ivan, don't get the wrong idea. This is purely a practical arrangement. It doesn't mean anything. I won't change my mind. Can you handle that?"

"Yes, yes." He rolled his eyes and agreed too quickly. "Where are we going?"

"I'm going to a spa for a pedicure."

"What?" He chuckled. "You picked a hell of a time for a spa day! It's a rouse isn't it?"

"Ivan." She turned on him again her jaw tensing. "Don't ask questions."

His face was suddenly sober again. "I just want to help you Detka."

"Then keep your eyes open and your mouth shut. And I told you not to call me Detka anymore."

He looked hurt, somehow deflated. She felt guilty again.

"Oh come on." She opened the door to Honeydukes for him. "This place has the best coffee."

"I remember." He sighed.

"You do? When have you been here?"

"I used to visit Igor when he was a visiting Tri-Wizard Champion here."

"Ah yes." She approached the counter. "Two chocolate scones and two venti lattes with an extra shot of espresso please." The squib behind the counter began to make their coffee. "Oh I'm sorry Ivan. How thoughtless of me. I didn't even ask what you wanted. That's what Igor and I always used to order. I guess its just habit."

"No, that's fine." He whispered with a weak smile.

They sat on the front steps of Honeydukes enjoying the warm summer air and their light breakfast in silence. The town was finally starting to come alive and they watched the witches and wizards sweep the sidewalks in front of the few stores still in existence. Sasha drained the last of her coffee as Ivan stood up. "Finished?"

"Yes." She handed him her empty white paper cup.

He took out his wand and with a grand wave of it the cup began to swirl until it transformed into a very fragrant pink Kilarney rose. He bowed his head slightly as he handed it to her. She made no response but thought to herself that she was getting in over her head again and that Severus would certainly not approve of her choice in security. He kept his head bowed but lifted his eyes to meet hers and smiled mischievously.

"Smooth Karkaroff."

He snickered and took her hand to help her up. "So where is your little spa?"

"London."

"London?"

"Well Diagon Alley to be precise. Take my arm." He touched her arm and with a pop she apparated them directly in front of the spa entrance.

He appraised the prissy looking storefront with the yellow and white-striped awning. "Ah, so this is what a goblin spa looks like. All right then, shall we?"

"Ivan, you're not coming in."

"What? Oh no, things are different now Detka." He shook his head disapprovingly. "I'm staying right by your side like it or not."

"Ivan, no. This is a spa for witches only, not for wizards. You go find something to amuse yourself with for the next hour."

"Absolutely not and I don't want an argument." His tone was increasingly bossy causing Sasha to raise her voice in turn.

"Ivan, I've already told you once, now we had a deal."

His voice was now booming also. "That was not the deal Sasha…"

"Well, well, well, what have we here?" They were interrupted by the well manicured yet menacing Rodolphus Lestrange who had just crossed the street to where they were standing.

Ivan's eyes narrowed and Sasha saw his shoulders flex. He was ready for a fight. Perhaps bringing him was a bad idea after all. Not only had he attracted attention by giving her a noisy argument, he was itching for a fight. Sasha would have easily been able to sweet talk herself away from LeStrange. She'd done it twice before.

He circled them with an appraising look. "Oh don't let me interrupt your lover's quarrel." His eyes drank in Sasha's body as he leered her up and down while ignoring her friend.

Sasha heard Ivan begin to crack his knuckles one by one. Without looking she could picture him doing this. She'd seen Igor do it a thousand times when he was ready for a challenge.

"Rodolphus!" Narcissa was standing at the door of the spa looking regal as ever in Slytherin green robes. "You were supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago. Oh hello Sasha, how lovely to see you again." The witches greeted each other with a kiss on each cheek while the men were forced to stand there and cool their proverbial jets. "And I see you have your own very handsome security detail today." She purred.

"Oh Cissy, where are my manners? This is my friend Ivan Karkaroff. Ivan this is my sister in law Narcissa Malfoy, and this is Rudy, er Rodolphus Lestrange."

Ivan bristled at hearing her give this cretin before him a nickname but countered by turning his blazing charm on Narcissa as he kissed her hand.

"Oh yes, Mr. Karkaroff we met many years ago through your lovely brother Igor. How wonderful to see you again and with Sasha too."

Sasha felt an overwhelming urge to box her sister in laws ears for that crack. It never ceased to amaze her how she could say something to technically innocent but was really a pointed remark.

"I'm all done for the day but if you have time I'd love you to join me in some tea. Have you had breakfast yet?"

"No," Sasha lied without looking at Ivan. The two women walked side by side for the next block towards Diagon Alley with their bodyguards lagging behind. Ivan was tense and fuming as he kept one eye on Rodolphus and one eye on Sasha. Rodolphus smirked at the young mans adolecent posture and considered the finer points of Sasha's bum until they were in front of The Leaky Cauldron. Ivan gallantly opened the door for the ladies but childishly cut in front of Lestrange rather than hold the door for him. This forced a chuckle from his adversary, which further infuriated him.

"Table for four." Ivan requested from the witch at the door.

"Not you two." Narcissa cut in. "Go amuse yourselves at the bar. This is girl time." She dismissed them with a wave of her hand. Rodolphus shrugged and walked eagerly towards the bar. Ivan glared after him and then looked at Sasha to discern her wishes.

"It's fine Ivan. We won't be long." She whispered sweetly, putting her hand on his shoulder. He nodded curtly and followed Lestrange.

"What's with Ivan?" Narcissa asked as they took their seats. "I thought you had cold feet."

"Not cold feet more like and epiphany. He's very persistent however."

"So it seems." She raised her eyebrows. "Have you changed your mind?"

"No, nor will I. I'd rather be alone but in light of recent events, he wanted to accompany me for safety."

"I see. It seems we both have security detail. Both quite handsome too. Lucky us." Narcissa giggled trying to lighten the mood.

Sasha decided to get straight to work. The sooner she got what she came for, the sooner they could leave. "I suppose there was a massive celebration at Malfoy Manor last night. We heard about the Ministry."

"Yes and I hear you had a celebration too." She said haughtily. The Delacour girl marrying that Bill Weasley, I hear he's part werewolf. Seems to be a trend these days."

Lack of sleep meant Sasha had a short fuse this morning. "You're such a bigot Narcissa."

"Oooo, a little sensitive?" She snarled. "Feeling left out? Perhaps I should hook you up with Fenrir."

"Perhaps you should." Sasha snapped and Narcissa responded with icy silence. "Is Fenrir still staying with you then?"

"When it suits him. What's your interest in Fenrir?"

"First Fenrir Greyback, then the Lestranges and Severus too. It seems Lucius just let's them camp out all over the place like its effing Woodstock. Mother would have had a fit. He's become so weak, such a slave to the Dark Lord. Does he even think for himself at all?"

"Don't you dare call him weak." Narcissa spat back at her.

Sasha knew she had her off balance and kept after her. "Someone had to give him some constructive criticism. Ha! Merlin knows you won't."

Narcissa waved her hand violently and cast a muffling charm around them and Sasha knew she was about to get an earful. "You listen to me Sasha! I've had it with you giving yourself pious airs about courage and the right and wrong way to love someone. You've always looked down your nose at me."

"That's ridiculous. I'm not the snob in the family."

"Hush up! Do you think I don't see his flaws? Do you think I'm that stupid? Do you think I don't feel his regret? Do you think I don't get angry at the position he's put us all in? Well I do get angry. I'm furious with this whole situation but I know he thought he was doing the right thing at the time. You have no idea what Lucius is going through, what any of us are going through." Her lower lip was shaking as she tried to hold her dignity and not cry.

_Success! Shit is too easy!_ Sasha tried not to smile but composed her face into a sympathetic gesture. She reached for Cissy's hand. "Then tell me."

"We can't refuse the Dark Lord, none of us. We're at his beck and call every moment of the day. Lucius has fallen out of favor. He's never failed at anything and not handling it well. They took his wand you know? The Dark Lord took his wand. He's defenseless." A lone tear escaped and dissolved her makeup as it streaked down her face.

"Oh my word Cissy. Poor Lucius." It was worse than she imagined. But she now had confirmation that Voldemort himself was in fact at Malfoy Manor.

"He's a shell of his former self. And then Draco has to see him like this. My poor baby. Draco gets the most dangerous assignments just so Lucius will be sick with worry. I'm at my wits end." She bit her lip and looked down.

"Cis, I had no idea."

"Of course not. You're too busy judging us from you ivory tower. I love a very flawed man. I admit it, but you're no better,"

"What do you mean by that?"

"Severus." Narcissa was recovering her normal smirk as she went on the attack.

"Ugh, don't start with me." Sasha rolled her eyes and slouched back in her seat.

"Don't bother to deny it. You know Fenrir told him he'd seen you. He asked me everything about you."

"He did?"

"Yes."

"What did he say?" Sasha's heart was beating faster at the mere mention of his name. And he'd asked about her. She was so grateful for even a speck of news that she let her guard down.

"Very little, you know Severus. The fact that he asked at all was monumental. Sasha, I see your eyes flash every time his name comes up. I've seen the way you look at him, the way he looks at you. Both he and Lucius made terrible mistakes in their youth and now they are Death Eaters and there's nothing we can do about it. When I think back, we were all so foolish. You must know Lucius thought he was doing the right thing no matter how twisted his logic may seem now."

"I know Ciss. I know he did. Lucius would never have intentionally done anything that would hurt the family." 'Of course to hell with everyone else,' she added silently.

"Well now there's no way back. We can't go backwards we can only go forwards."

Sasha shuddered as she remembered the last time she'd heard those words they were uttered by Severus.

"Listen to me." Cissy leaned close and began to whisper even though they were already under a muffling charm. "If our family is to survive, the Dark Lord must fall."

"What are you saying?" This was getting good.

"I'm saying, I want to help you."

"How?"

"Information."

"Why should I trust you?"

Narcissa was clueless enough to actually look insulted. "Have I ever given you a reason not to?"

Sasha paused to consider this. "I suppose not."

"You can't tell anyone connected with the order what your source is."

"They already know we meet periodically."

"Tell them we had a falling out. There are leaks everywhere on both sides."

"All right. I'll be out of touch for a few days though. I'm going to New York with Kingsley on a diplomatic trip. "

"Oh?" She said clumsily. "Soliciting help from the American Wizards?"

"I'm sure you'll understand if I don't share details with you."

"I suppose."

That matter settled she had to ask. "Ciss, how is Severus? I mean really, is he okay?"

"Well. He's very quiet, very thoughtful and I believe the Dark Lord's most trusted ally these days. Even more than Bella."

"Bella?"

"She is one of his closest confidants these days."

"Define confidant?"

"You know Bella. I don't ask questions. Poor Rudy though. He puts on a brave face but I know it bothers him." The glanced over at their security. Rudolphus was hunkered down at the bar staring into his glass. Ivan sipped a cup of coffee and hadn't taken his eyes off the witches for a second.

"Back to Severus. Please Cissy, promise me you'll look after him. He tends not to take care of himself when he's focused on something." Sasha knew she was gushing but couldn't stop. "Make sure he eats and gets enough rest. Oh and make sure he socializes a bit. It's not his forte but it's good for him."

"Good grief Sasha he's a grown man not an infant. What about Ivan?"

"There's nothing going on with Ivan. But I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell him Ivan was here today. He might get the wrong idea."

"All right." Narcissa looked up to find the men walking to their table and she quickly waived the muffling charm away.

"Narcissa, we should be going." Rodolphus spoke with authority.

"Yes, lovely to see you again Sasha."

AN: Oh that Ivan shows up like bad money. Helloooooo? It's not gonna happen dude! Or maybe it will—stay tuned. And ole' Cissy is cracking under pressure. Well who wouldn't after playing Martha Steward to a passel of Death Eaters all summer and a total alkie for security.

_Saw on the Internet today that they are changing Severus Snape's Death Scene a little in the movie. WTF? I'm beside myself! I hope they don't mess it up, I'm so looking forward to seeing that and bawling my eyes out. _

_Okay I'm sick to death of this long hot summer, weddings and babies and plotlines with no Sev-ness. Next chapter will promise some hot Snape action_


	78. Chapter 77 The Plum Assignment

CHAPTER SEVENTY-SEVEN

The Plum Assignment

The celebratory mood at Malfoy Manor lasted for days. The next phase of their plan was complete. The Minstry of Magic was firmly in the control of the Dark Lord and Potter and his cronies had been driven away from their protectors. This made them a far easier target to seek and destroy and Voldemort was nearly drunk with glee. The normally tense mood was a little lighter tonight as all the Death Eaters were successful in their endeavors and therefore mistakenly felt they had less to fear from their master's wrath.

Lucius however still wore the hollow haunted expression he had worn all summer. He was the frequent target of Voldemort's random acts of unkindness these days and knew that there would be more to follow. Voldemort was nothing if not a sadist and he thirsted for the humiliation of others. That burning thirst was rapidly becoming harder and harder to quench. Repeatedly Lucius cursed himself for breaking the prophecy. If only that moment had gone differently, life might be easier for his family. He desperately replayed the scene over in his mind thousands of times.

As he suspected the Dark Lord soon turned on him again. "Your sister Sasha is an order member is she not?"

Reluctantly, he raised his watery blue eyes. Here was a fresh target, a new way to torture him. Sasha had come up on his radar since the night the Order moved Harry. How could she be so foolish as to draw attention to herself in that manner? It would be her downfall for certain. Obviously the Dark Lord was well aware that she was with the Order was merely toying with him. He searched in vain for the correct answer, knowing that there really was none.

"I'm ashamed to say that she is my Lord," he uttered in a low voice with his head bowed. "She has brought shame upon the family with her blood traitor ways for years. We disowned her long ago." He hope was to put distance between his family and anything that might bring further shame upon them in Voldemort's eyes.

Severus, seated at Voldemort's right, felt his muscles tense at the mere mention of his lover's name in such dangerous company. Hearing her own brother so quick to disparage and reject her in this manner disgusted him and he made a mental note to make him pay for it one day. What a pathetic excuse for a man.

"I require another order member for a source. With Severus no longer on the inside, she is the next logical prospect considering her past connections and friendly terms with many of you. Certainly one of them will know where Harry Potter hides or know where he may turn up. Lucius, you will make contact with her."

"I will work diligently at this task my Lord but she has not placed her trust in me since the night that…" his voice trailed off, not wanting to mention the night he disappointed the Dark Lord.

"Ah yes, my slippery friend. It appears many lost confidence in you that night. Well see what you can do to redeem yourself. I'm sure you can at least get close enough for the cruciatus curse to coax some information out of her." Lucius' face turned suddenly gray at the suggestion of torturing his beloved sister. For he did love her, as much as he was capable of loving anyone. He felt sick at the notion of how his teenage choices were still endangering those he loved all these years later. He felt he had no choice however. This was the part he must play. No one escaped the Dark Lord once they were marked as his own.

Severus too was frantic inside as he formulated his plan. There was a raging sea of emotions just below the surface but his countenance remained placid and his voice betrayed nothing when he spoke. "If I may be so bold, my Lord. Sasha has always…confided in me. If you recall I obtained quite a bit of information from her over the years."

"Yes but are you not persona non grata with the order at the moment? You are after all…a murderer." The Death Eaters chuckled. "I do believe your latest escapade has made you quite infamous."

"True however, I do not anticipate a problem with Sasha. She is abysmally gullible and will trust me with a little…persuasion. Leave it to me my Lord. I know just how to talk to her. No… cursing required." A few Death Eaters snickered again and he wanted to hex them for their cheek. "If she's properly handled, we could use her to pass along some misinformation to the order as well. But it will require a practiced, surgical approach."

"Very wise Severus. I shall trust you to get the information."

"Your sister is an abomination." Bellatrix spat at Lucius. She loved to pile on when others experienced misfortune. In her own mind, it elevated her own status within the group.

Voldemort glared at her. "Bella, I understand your niece married a werewolf recently." He hissed at her and his venomous tone caused her to slouch back into her chair. "Your family sullies itself wallowing in such squalor. It seems you should get your own house in order before you throw your stones at others. At least Sasha Malfoy is pure in blood and may turn out to be useful." An evil snarl drifted across his lipless mouth. "Perhaps my friend Severus can make her…. see the light, or perhaps the dark." The Death Eaters snickered as if on cue and he turned back to Severus. "I have intelligence that she is in New York."

"Not surprising, she often flees the country when reality becomes too much for her." Severus tried to sound condescending and hoped he was convincing.

"It is my understanding she has been dispatched on a diplomatic mission. This is the perfect time to persuade her while she is away from the others. You will go see her and persuade her that you were under the imperious curse when you killed Dumbledore or better yet that you are innocent. It matters not, whatever lie she believes. If she does not believe you it will then be up to you to…coax some information out of her." Voldemort's smile was evil as he spoke and his sycophant followers snickered yet again.

"As you wish my Lord." Severus bowed his head slightly anxious to be done with this order of business. Was this really happening? Did he really have permission to see her? Time with Sasha, it was too good to be true. He somehow found the discipline to push this out of his thoughts. It was not safe to have these emotions running so rampant inside him. He would obsess about it later in the relative safety of solitude.

The gathering broke up after the Dark Lord slithered out of the room. As he reached the foot of the stairs, Bella who had been cowering in the corner since her Lord's admonishment whimpered, obviously dejected at not being invited into his chambers as had recently become his nightly custom. He turned lusty eyes upon her, his ego gratified by her pathetic need for him. "Come Bella." He growled. She scurried to him without even looking at her wronged husband. He allowed her to pass and then began roughly shoving her up the stairs. Severus noted the perverted smile on her face, as she seemed to enjoy the rough treatment.

Only Severus, Rodolphus, Lucius and Narcissa remained in the room. Rodolphus stalked over to the side table and poured himself a whiskey and slammed it, not caring who saw him. Immediately he poured himself another. Severus rolled his eyes at this undisciplined exhibition and grunted in disgust drawing Rodolphus' ire.

"So Severus, it seems you have the plum assignment now." He snarled with obvious sarcasm that made him sound merely childish rather than producing the desired menacing effect.

_Ice in the veins_. "Plum assignment? Whatever do you mean?"

"Yes, a plum assignment. A trip to America to see Sasha. She's got a nice rack and a hot ass and it's your job to…persuade her? You're living well my friend." He raised his glass before taking a long drink.

A ferociousness awakened in Severus at hearing such crass language directed at his most precious treasure. How dare this bit of rubbish cast his eyes upon his property and consider her appearance in any way. He had no right. Severus felt his core tighten as he prepared for battle. "Do I detect a note of jealousy? It's business Rodolphus not a Roman orgy."

"Ha! More like a Russian orgy."

"Sorry? What does that mean?" Severus knew God Damned good and well what he meant and it infuriated him. Ivan the Terrible was at her side and she was allowing it. She was making a fool of him with that pubescent prick. His hands involuntarily flexed into fists. Neither Sasha nor Ivan were here to take it out on but this busybody LeStrange was here and he was so asking for it. More importantly he deserved it.

"It means you'll have to get through her security detail and I don't think he'll be too cooperative." He eyed Severus with an air of smugness. "Karkaroff's little brother? Remember him? Annoying little twerp. He's grown into a beast of a man and very protective. Brooding bugger too, lurking around, won't let her out of his sight. Didn't Narcissa tell you?"

_Slimy bastard_. _Lestrange is deliberately bating me. Two can play that game. But only I will win it._

"No. Why would she?" Narcissa looked to Severus with pleading eyes but he did not turn his eyes in her direction. "Don't worry about him. He won't be a factor."

"Even if you to manage to somehow get around him or eliminate him, she'll never forgive you for your crimes. Obstinate little minx that one."

Minx? Lestrange was asking, no begging for it. He was about to get it in spades. "Oh I'm not asking her to forgive me. You see I want her to believe I'm an assassin. I want her to believe in the vision of the order, rejecting our ways and yet still not be able to contain her loyalty to me. It could quite be my most astonishing accomplishment to date. I do love a good mind fuck. You should try it sometime." He paused and trained his eyes on this target squarely in his crosshairs. "Oh but I've forgotten. It appears you're not doing any fucking these days."

The crash of breaking glass echoed through the room as Rodolphus flung his glass on the marble tile and charged toward Severus who's shoulders were squared and ready for a brawl. Mocking laughter oozed from Severus as he enjoyed the satisfaction of getting to LeStrange. His enemy's eyes blazed with rage and his lips were contorted with hatred. He threw himself forward with his hands set to tear away at Snape's neck. He was however thwarted by a barrier spell cast between them by Lucius. The force of it knocked him backward two paces. He stood there breathing hard and snarling like an animal.

"Let's just calm down now shall we?" Lucius who detested common brawls especially of the muggle variety tried to diffuse the situation. "There's no need to fight amongst ourselves."

"Let him go Lucius." Severus replied nonchalantly. Let's see if he's man enough. Although considering recent events I'll wager he is not." He snickered at his own cleverness.

Instantly Rodolphus was at him again. The barrier was still in place and he was again knocked backwards.

"Rodolphus, you're drinking too much and you're not thinking clearly. It's time you went to bed." Lucius was anxious to separate these two lest the Dark Lord hear them and come downstairs to investigate. None of them needed any more trouble, least of all him.

"Let him stay Lucius. Let him inebriate himself. I'm going to bed myself. Unlike some people, I actually have something important to do tomorrow." Severus unhurriedly left the room with a swagger after besting the other man. It felt good to take his anger out on someone. He felt healthy. After a summer of living with the Dark Lord and his disciples, there was more to be angry about than ever and he had no release. At Hogwarts he could verbally level his students and even some co-workers to get his anger out. But here there was nothing.

As he walked the upstairs hall to Sasha's old room he remembered how she had so frequently been the target of his anger and abuse and how she had in her unfailing devotion, always taken him back. He would give anything in the world if she would only take him back this one last time. As he shut the bedroom door behind him he finally allowed himself to think of her and his heart ached.

The moment of truth was upon them. He would leave tomorrow and seek her out in a foreign land. What if Ivan was with her? How could he get her alone? What if she didn't want to be alone with him? No, he couldn't allow her to have that option. He would control the situation. He would make her listen, make her understand him. He refused to let her go without a fight. She could belong to no one but him. He would never allow it.

Severus apparated onto the balcony of Sasha's luxurious penthouse apartment on Central Park West. The summer breeze was warm but that was the only thing he liked about this city. The smell, the constant noise and distracting artificial lights were nothing like Hogwarts or the grounds of Malfoy Manor. Perhaps that's why she liked it. It was a good place to forget the place from which she came.

He walked across the stone tile to the ornate double doors that stood open and peered in. The apartment was as large as Grimmauld place but lighter, cleaner and far more open. Too open in his opinion, how could her protective spells be so weak that he was able to apparate right on to the balcony undetected. The lights were on casting a warm glow inside but he sensed no movement. He slipped quietly inside through the gossamer drapes that fluttered in the wind, desperately hoping she was alone and not in the arms of his rival. He was nervous about seeing her. What would she say to him? Certainly nothing he didn't deserve to hear.

"Expelliarmus!" Came her voice and much to his shock he was wandless. "Don't move." She trained her shaking wand on him as her lower lip quivered and she searched his eyes.

He gasped at the sight of her. More beautiful than he remembered, she still took his breath away. "It's okay Sasha, it's only me."

Her features remained sharp but he prayed she was weak for him inside. "Only me? 'Don't worry it's only me the murderer.'" She mocked him harshly.

He knew she would feel this way and was prepared for it but that didn't make it less painful to hear her scorn. "Sasha, I would never hurt you. You know that."

"Shut up!" She snapped. His heart sank at hearing her speak to him like an enemy. She held her wand in her still vibrating hand and kept it pointed at him as she moved closer trying to discern if it was really her Severus. She had learned from Remus that she couldn't be too cautious. He looked like he was in physical pain. Perhaps this really was him.

'Murderer', it was, as he feared. His expression was wrenched at her choice of words. She was finally done with him. His mind went in a million directions desperately looking for a way to change her mind.

"What's the matter Snape?" She tried to sound as if she hated him in the event this was an imposter. "You look like you just got the wind knocked out of you."

"Do you think me so unfeeling that hearing you call me a murderer wouldn't have an affect on me? After all you know of me how could you think I'm so callous?"

"You don't give a damn what anyone thinks of you. If you did you wouldn't be a Death Eater." She hissed at him.

"Death Eater? You know me better than that. You know me better than anyone."

"Shut it!" She hissed using one of Sirius Black's favorite expressions. She shoved her wand hard into the soft underbelly of his chin. "Give me one good reason not to kill you."

It was time. He could hold nothing back. "I'll give you more than one. Because you love me." His eyes burned into hers, searching for some glimmer of hope. "Because when this is over, you know I'm going to marry you and we will spend our lives together. Because you can't live without me. Because you've loved me your whole life. Because…"

"Shut up!" She cried pushed her no shaking wand harder still into his chin causing him to lift his face. "You're talking nonsense."

"Nonsense? No my dear not nonsense." Why hadn't he known it before? She was merely testing him. Checking to see if he was an imposter. Gently, he touched her hand and gently moved her wand away. "It's really me Sasha."

Tears were now rolling down her cheeks. "What did I give you for your last birthday?" She asked.

He sighed with relief. He'd never failed a test in his life and this would be no different. "Regulus Black's old copy of LedZepplin One. And the most beautiful night of my life." He looked at her with heavy eyelids feeling drunk with desire.

"Oh Severus, it's really you!" She nearly collapsed into his waiting arms. "Oh my darling I've been so worried about you. Oh you feel thin, you poor thing. Were you hurt?" He watched tears gush from her beautiful blue eyes as she fussed over him. She touched his face and shoulders as if not believing what she was seeing. "I've missed you so much. I can't believe you're really here."

He was so relieved yet confused by her reaction he didn't speak. Waves of joy and relief swept over him and he shuddered as he tried to contain his own tears of happiness. He would rather die than let her see him cry, to see weakness.

"Severus? What's wrong? Has something else happened?"

"No, it's just." He felt like his heart bloat with excess emotion putting enormous pressure on the inside of his chest. For a moment, he felt it would explode and he couldn't put anything into words. "Sasha!" His arms pulled her back into his chest and he savored the moment. The intoxicating smell of her perfume, the feel of her silky hair under his hands, and the warmth of her body pressed against his, this is what he was fighting for. He moved his hands through her hair holding her head on both sides before capturing her lips with his. Her fingers caressed the back of his neck under his hair as she savored the warmth of his strong lips against hers and his tongue exploring her mouth. Despite his desperate need he kissed her slowly and thoroughly as if they had an endless amount of time for only this. With so few pleasures in his life he was relishing in this long awaited moment. Finally he pulled away and spoke softly as he gazed dreamily into her eyes. "I thought you were," he was choked with emotion, "forever lost to me."

"I told you that was impossible." She whispered, resting her forehead against his. "I will love you forever."

"Ah, you have no idea how I needed to hear you say that." His mouth captured hers again and he lost his breath entirely as she removed his cloak and untucked his shirt so she could move her hands over the flesh of his stomach and lower back. "Sasha, you're incredible. After all that's happened, all I've done, are you certain you still want to be with," he paused afraid to finish his question as it would prompt her answer, "to be with someone like me?"

"Severus." She grabbed his chin roughly with one hand forcing him to look her in the eye. "Shut up and make love to me. I need you so badly." He groaned and dove into her the flesh of her neck, burying his head in the security of her hair. He began to kiss savor her neck starting just under her ear and slowly working his way down to the spot near her collar bone that always made her, _"Severus,"_ moan his name. 

He felt an immediate physical craving for her as his erection began to strain within his trousers. His body needed the liberation it had been denied all through the long hot summer. "Where is your bedroom?"

"Through there." She nodded towards the long impeccably decorated hallway. He swept her up effortlessly and carried her into the bedroom ready to reclaim what belonged to him.

AN: YEAAA! Finally! Welcome home Severus! What do you think of him going off on Rudes? I love it when he gets his mad on. Anyway you guys have been on my case to get them back together so there you have it! Please leave a review as I positively LOOOVE to hear your thoughts!


	79. Chapter 78 Splish Splash

CHAPTER SEVENTY-EIGHT

Splish Splash

Several hours later Severus rolled off a blissfully satisfied Sasha. He lay on his back on her white silk sheets drenched in sweat, utterly spent and catching his breath. He'd taken her three times already that night and if he were not so delirious from exhaustion he would have taken her three more.

"Hey, where do you think you're going?" Sasha rolled on top of him and kissed him playfully. It was as if not a day had passed.

"Again? Witch your libido is exhausting." His languid drawl was music to her ears.

She giggled. "All right Severus I'll allow you a time out but not a forfeit." She gave him another playful kiss. "Are you hungry?" She asked, ever the hostess.

"No I'm quite satisfied at the moment," he said lazily.

She giggled and kissed him yet again, giddy and unable to stop touching him. "Thirsty?"

"Bit parched. Some water would be perfect."

"You shall have it my dear." She walked naked into the kitchen and he admired the view as she did so. Her bum was a sight to behold and he was already getting aroused again. He admired the view again as she returned with two bottles and tossed one to him before entering her bathroom. He heard water running and then the gentle murmur of her voice. "Incindio." She returned to the room smiling as she twisted her hair up into a knot on top of her head. He adored her neck and this private show was quite gratifying. She approached the bed, took his hand and tugged gently. "Come on."

"Where too? What do you have in mind?"

"You look like you've been missing my attentions Severus. I'm drawing us a hot bath. I'm going to massage your tired muscles and you can tell me everything."

He signed contently. She was the only one who took care of him. How fortunate he was to have her not only caring for him but also doing it out of love and never mere duty. "You're so good to me Sasha."

"Why would I be anything else? Come on." She yanked his arm a little harder. "Up! Before the water gets cold." She pulled him into the bathroom, which was made up entirely of cream-colored marble with a very large bathtub with ornate brass fixtures in the center of the room. She had set the mood with several dozen candles floating above their heads and white rose petals floating on top of the water in the bath. The scent of honeysuckle filled the room. "Is this okay?"

"It will do." He teased. "You're a much better looking valet than Wormtail."

"Ugh." She stepped into the water and sank into it. Then held out her hand for him to join her. "How is that little weasel anyway?"

Severus stepped into the warm water and enjoyed the feel of it on his skin. For months he'd had a feeling that he just couldn't get warm, even thought it was summer. "The same, still a wormy little bastard even by death eater standards. He's actually reduced to more of a houseboy for us all. Most amusing." He settled into the water and sat in front of her with his back to her. She put her hands around his chest and pulled him back against her. Her warm flesh was his sanctuary. "Mmmm." He groaned as their flesh touched and he turned his face to look at her. She kissed him softly and then began to rub his shoulders. Immediately he relaxed and leaned his head back onto her shoulder.

"And Lucius? I hear he's out of Azkaban now." She said as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

"Yes. I'm sorry to say he's not doing well. His failures combined with Draco's have made things difficult for his family. Narcissa however seems to be keeping them together. She appears to be the brains behind that little operation."

"Phhfft! I could have told you that a long time ago."

Severus laughed warmly. "I'm sure you could. Lucius puts up a good front but recently there have been numerous chinks in the armor. He doesn't wear his lack of status well I'm afraid. You would barely know him if you saw him now." Sasha sighed heavily. "I'm sorry to tell you that Sasha, but I want to tell you everything I can as truthfully as I can."

"I know Severus." She hugged him tightly with her arms and legs and he groaned softly.

"Merlin, after all this time, not knowing what you thought of me, and now to be here like this, it's incredible. Your arms around me, I think that's all I'll ever need." Lucidity like this was unusual for him but he hadn't been this at ease in months.

"Glad to know I haven't lost my touch. She cupped her hands and poured a bit of water over his head, enough to wet his hair and pull it away from his face. Then she picked up a bottle of shampoo on the edge of the tub and massaged a small amount into his hair.

"Sasha what are you doing?" He snickered.

"I've always said a good clarifying shampoo would do you a world of good. Don't question me just relax and enjoy it. Let me take care of you." She massaged the shampoo into his scalp as he titled his head back to rest on her shoulder again.

"So your fiancé is a murderer but his main problem is his hair?" He meant to sound flippant but quickly realized how inappropriate his remarks were and sunk into the water until his head was submerged. A childish notion to hide under the water briefly occurred to him. He felt her ruffle his hair presumably to get the shampoo out and then surfaced.

She wriggled from behind him, got out of the tub without a word and began to put on her oversized white terry robe. Obviously he had said the wrong thing and a feeling of dread began in his belly. "Where are you going?" He hated to see her leave even for a second.

"I need another water? You?"

"I'm fine." He felt reality starting to creep back into their lives and dreaded it. Why couldn't they just be together in peace? "Can you pick up my wand while you're out there? I should never be so far away from it. The pleasure of seeing you again is making me careless" He smiled weakly but she did not return the expression.

"Sure." She sauntered out into the kitchen and he wondered as he watched her go, how long they would avoid discussing the elephant in the room-Dumbledore. She returned with two more bottles of water and his wand. She held it up and examined it before moving a small table close to the tub and placing both their wands on it. "You know Severus I don't think I've ever mentioned it but I've always felt your wand is exquisite."

"Thank you." There was an inflection of pride in his voice. He always felt it was a handsome wand but no one ever complimented it except Lily and once Regulus. His mother had little saved for his schooling but sacrificed to buy him this wand at Olivander's before he entered Hogwarts.

"Is it cherry?"

"Mahogany."

She looked at him and cocked her head to the side with a grin. "Say again?"

"Mahogany." He said slowly so she could understand.

She giggled. "I heard you. I just like the way you say 'mahogany'." She admired the black handle. "James Potter's was made of mahogany as well, surprisingly pliable." She saw his jaw tighten and quickly moved on. "What is the handle made of? It's lovely."

"Ebony."

"Oh well excuse me." She said in mock seriousness. Ebony handles were rare and expensive. "Ha! Mine is ivory. Ebony and ivory live together in perfect harmony." She sang.

"Ugh Merlin, make it stop."

"Ah!" She said pretending to be offended. "You don't like my voice?"

"Not when it's singing that ghastly song." He deadpanned. "What is yours made of? It's heavy as I recall."

"Hickory."

"Hmmm. Rather obstinate wood for an obstinate girl."

"I'm not obstinate!" She shrugged out of her robe and he was distracted by the curve of her body. She was still damp from the water and her breasts and stomach glistened in the candlelight. His loins began to burn despite their already active evening.

"F-forgive me. Resolute." He held out his hand and it was her turn to sit in front of him while he wrapped his arms and legs around her naked body. His need for her was increasing by the second. He didn't want her to think that was all he came for and so tried to distract himself by resuming their conversation. "So Hickory and Ivory, what about the core? I assume dragon heartstring like most others in your family."

"No. Pegasus feather."

His arms that were wrapped so tightly around her dropped. "Really? Mine is Pegasus feather too."

"No way!" She turned to face him. "All this time, and we've never discussed it. And a Pegasus, how appropriate. I love it that I'm still learning new things about you Severus." She nestled into his chest again sighing contently.

"Mmm," his arms wound around her again and he rested his chin on her shoulder, feeling closer to her than he thought possible. "Sasha I've missed being with you and all of our long talks about everything and nothing. Here it is August and we should already be,"

"Shhh, I don't want to talk about what we think might have been but wasn't. I only want to talk about right now and our future."

"Uh, our future." He groaned and leaned his head back on the back of the tub. "I don't even know what to think anymore. What kind of future can we have? Do you even want a future with me now?"

"What a ridiculous question, of course I do." She suddenly inhaled sharply and rolled over to face him despite the awkward contortion this act required. Excitement danced in her eyes. "Severus, I have a great idea. Let's get married today! How long do you have?"

He closed his eyes and wished so much that they could. "Sasha, want to but my every move is being watched as is yours. If we attempted such a thing it would only endanger us both."

"Oh," she said sadly turning back away from him like a petchulant child. "You know Remus and Tonks were married last month."

"I know." His tone was patronizing as he caressed her shoulders.

"And Fleur Delecour married the oldest Weasley not long ago."

"I know that as well." It broke his heart to know how disappointed she must be in him. He'd made a promise to marry her and now was unable to keep it. Part of him wished he had never asked.

"I guess I'm feeling left out. Silly isn't it? Armageddon is here and all I want is to wear a white dress, say I do and tell everyone to address me as Mrs. Snape. I suppose you think that's terribly childish."

"No." he whispered kissing her shoulders. "I'd give anything to say I do, toast my lovely bride and tell Ivan the Terrible to bugger off home."

"Severus," she interrupted him with a serious tone. "You need to let go of the Ivan thing."

He tensed in annoyance. Was she defending him? "Sorry, beyond my control." There was an uncomfortable silence. He knew he shouldn't push it but the memory of the two of them made him go mad with jealousy. He clenched his teeth in aggravation. The evening was so perfect he didn't want to spoil it with an argument. But he was so furious at her dismissive attitude. Let go of it? Why the hell couldn't she let go of it? "I saw him speaking to you at the wedding."

"You were there?"

He startled himself. He hadn't meant to share that detail. As always when they were together he found himself disarmed and telling her far too much. He was angry and it was making him careless. "Yes." His flat response was followed by an uncomfortable silence. Severus knew damn well he should stop right there. Just shut up. But his possessive nature drove him onward and he couldn't stop his next comment. "He seemed persistent in his pursuit of your affections."

She was silent for a moment. "It was you wasn't it?" She turned her head to face him and a sly smile curved over her lips. "I knew it Severus. I just knew it was you."

"What?" He feigned innocence.

"What?" She raised her eyebrows and mocked him with a silly expression. "You know what."

"No. Enlighten me." A corner of his mouth turned up betraying him.

"You hit him with the stunning spell didn't you?"

A naughty smile crossed his lips. "Well I might have slipped." He said in a lame attempt to cover his motives. He really didn't care if she knew he meant it. He wanted her to know he would attack anything that came between them.

"You never slip my love. Good shot by the way." She pulled his arms firmly around her and forced him to hug her tighter. "So you were jealous."

Merlin she could be irritating. "What if I was? Do you expect me to stand there and watch that whelp fawn all over you and not do anything? Lestrange couldn't wait to mention that he's now serving as your security detail. I had to stand there and act like it didn't matter. He's damn lucky I didn't curse his big mouth shut. Do you have any idea how all this affects me? Don't you ever wonder about it? Do you even care? It drives me insane!"

She felt the muscles in his legs tense as his tone did the same. "Severus, you've nothing to worry about there. I promise you there is nothing going on that you need concern yourself with. I love only you."

He turned her face to his and looked hard into her turquoise eyes as they gazed honestly back at his own. He searched her eyes until he believed. "Good." He surprised himself that he really did trust her now, that he was actually capable of trust. She was so good for him. Softly he kissed her forehead and began to consider ravishing her right there in the warm water.

"Severus?"

"Hmm?" How could she want to talk right now? He wanted make up sex.

"Are you alright?"

"I am now." He was barely aware of what she was saying.

Abruptly, she pulled away. "You're brushing me off. Really. I've been worried about you ever since Albus."

"Sasha, do we have to talk about this?" With a heavy sigh he leaned his head back on the edge of the tub and stared at the ceiling.

"Of course we have to talk about this Severus. I've been worried sick about you. Here you are going on about how worried you've been, I haven't known from one moment to the next if you're alive or dead. You know these past months haven't been easy on anyone."

"I'm fine. You can see that now."

"Physically yes, I'm concerned about your mental state after what you went through."

"My mental state?" He snorted. "It's fine Sasha. Please don't worry about me."

"Severus, I know you had to do it." She took his right hand and massaged it. "I know you saved Draco's soul by doing it and our family will be forever in your debt for that. Albus was special to you, to us all. I'm worried about the affect killing him might have on you. I know it had to be traumatic for someone with such a true heart as yours."

He closed his eyes and rubbed his cheek against hers. He knew what people outside the Death Eater circles were saying about him. He knew they were all talking about Albus and what a tragedy it was to be betrayed and murdered by the likes of a snarky traitorous professor. Inside the Death Eater circles they were congratulating him on a calculated strategic move. Only Sasha gave pause to wonder how he felt about what had happened. A feeling of gratitude filled him and he decided to finally tell her the truth. "Albus and I talked about it almost a year before it happened. Remember the injury to his hand?"

"Yes. It was turning black. Looked gange green."

"Yes, well it was a curse."

"What kind of curse?"

"Very dark magic. He was after something that belonged to the Dark Lord and it was cursed. When he touched it, the curse began to circulate through his body. I managed to trap it in his hand for a time but it began to spread again and would have eventually killed him. He knew Draco had been assigned to assassinate him so we arranged that I would do the deed. When Narcissa asked me to help it had already been decided. The vow was actually a lucky coincidence that would help me keep my cover."

"So it was essentially an assisted suicide? Is that what you're telling me?"

"You could call it that. Dumbledore planned his own death and made it look like a murder." He tilted his head to watch her expression. "I'm sorry you had to see it. That wasn't something I wanted to happen."

"If I hadn't seen you do it, I'd swear Harry was lying."

"It must have been quite a shock."

"Yes, but it filled in all the missing pieces very quickly. Severus, I've been leading a bit of a double life myself."

"How's that?"

"I've pretended to despise you as the others do. I thought if I told them how I really feel, I'd be kicked out of the order and unable to help you."

"Clever girl. But speaking of the Order, Sasha I wish you would excuse yourself from dangerous missions. I couldn't bear it if something happened to you." He hugged her tightly.

"It makes me feel better to be doing something to help you. Besides, you know I can't do that and remain with the Order."

"Bugger the order." He meant it. He was beginning to hate the lot of them. All of them walking away from him so easily, even Lupin had opened his eyes.

"You know me better than this don't you?"

Severus nodded. "Yes, but you need to know that your name keeps getting mentioned."

"My name? In what context?"

"The Dark Lord wants information from you and has once again asked Lucius. I have once again interceded but now people are asking questions. I fear the Dark Lord is getting suspicious."

"And what do you tell them?"

"The we are old friends and I could get you to believe my lies. That I could make you believe I was a spy and we would exchange information for misinformation."

"You're brilliant Severus."

"And you're exhausting. You've also attracted the eyes of Rodolphus Lestrange."

"Rudy?" She suspected she was in for a lecture now. Rudy obviously told him about her visit to the Manor.

"Rudy?" He sneered the name. "I had no idea you were on such intimate terms. Do you have a nickname for everyone?"

"Just about." She decided to ignore his jealousy and hope it would go away. "What's up with the Rude Dog?"

Her familiarity with this monster infuriated him, so much so that his flippant answer shot out before he could think. "Oh yes, let's see he said you had a delicious arse a nice rack and if I wasn't fucking you perhaps he'd have a go."

"Baha!" She snorted. "Well that certainly sounds like him. He hasn't changed a bit. Did you tell him you were shagging me and he was out of luck?" She teased.

"Do you find this amusing? I certainly don't. He's lethal. What if he comes after you?"

"Oh don't worry, I can take care of him. Done it before."

"When?"

"The year Bella shagged the bartender at our Christmas party. He was feeling lonely and came to my room very late."

Severus growled at her. "What happened?"

"Well he was very drunk which probably worked in my favor. I told him to leave but he didn't so I had to turn him into a newt."

His eyebrow shot upwards. "A newt?"

"He got better." She shrugged.

"Charming story but I don't think you'll be so lucky this time. He's no longer a boy and life has hardened him."

"I'll be careful Severus."

"I'll make sure that you are."

"What does that mean?"

"It means I'll be keeping an eye on you. I'm to be the next Headmaster at Hogwarts. I will be announced September 1st."

"Really? You mean we'll be together!" She kissed him impulsively and adoringly, then broke away abruptly. "Oh man Minerva's going to be mad. She was supposed to be Headmistress."

"Lot's of people will be displeased. I am no one's first choice. You will remain and relocate your quarters closer to the Headmaster's office."

"Sounds lovely too bad there's a minor detail of a war going on. Well at least I can feel useful teaching the advanced Defense Against the Dark Arts classes this year."

"No, the Carrows will be teaching those classes."

"What? Those trolls?"

"Those trolls."

"So what am I teaching?"

"History of Purebloods in Wizarding Europe."

"What the hell? That's not even a real class."

"It's replacing Muggle studies and it's non-controversial as far as the Dark Lord is concerned. You will devise the curriculum and teach it."

"Oh be serious. Do you hear yourself?

"I am always serious. Charity Brumbridge is missing. Know what happened to her?"

"Sounds like you do. Is she alive?"

"No, She's dead Sasha. I watched her murder while she looked into my eyes and begged for her life. 'Severus we were friends. Please save me Severus.' And I did nothing to stop it. She was humiliated, tortured and killed all for expressing opinions contrary to the Dark Lord's agenda. And all I could think of was you. What if that was you before me? What would I do? How could I save you? I couldn't. The only option would be to die together I wouldn't hesitate to do that but Sasha I want to live life with you. There's so much at stake now. These last few months without you have been a torment. I've missed everything about you; your humor, the way you whisper my name, eating breakfast together, the smell of you hair, the way you snore."

"I don't snore."

"Just a little but I find it endearing."

"When I didn't get to say good bye or explain what was happening and then all these months of not knowing what you thought of me, it's been hell."

"A mere purgatory. We're together now." She settled back into his arms and exposed her neck to him as he began once again to find the spot that made her moan. "Severus."

"I've missed you Sasha." He whispered into her ear. She arched her back to allow him more access to the flesh of her neck. His large hands reached around her and caressed her breasts. "I've been staying in you room you know." He whispered between kisses as she moved against him. "It's torture being surrounded by reminders of you all day. Even your pillow carries the fragrance of your hair."

"Mmm..: Her arm reached back and around his neck softly holding his mouth close to her neck.

"Every night, I'm sleeping alone and thinking of you." Softly he kissed her just behind her earlobe causing her to gasp. "Thinking about all the times we made love and wondering if I would ever be able to touch you again." He moved his hand under her breasts and found what he was looking for. "Your birthmark. Only I know it's there. I've been dying to touch it again."

Sasha laughed softly. "Oh Severus now your just being goofy."

"Not a chance." He murmured and then kissed her shoulder. "It's so beautiful. You're so beautiful. I adore every inch of you." Without use of wand or words he levitated a full-length mirror in the corner over the room until it was positioned directly across from them and they were in the reflection. "Look at yourself. See what I see. So beautiful." His left hand lifted her chin until she was looking at them in the mirror as his right hand continued to caress her breast.

"Mmmm Severus," she moaned while closing her eyes and arching back against him.

"Open your eyes." He coaxed, "I want you to watch."

A dirty smile crossed her lips. "Is that what you want?"

"Yes." His hand left her chin and drifted downward across her tummy. "I'm going to watch too." His hand slipped under the water and began to caress her folds.

"Uhh Severus," She moaned, still swollen from the three times prior. "You're relentless."

"I'm Slytherin." His hips ground into her backside as he massaged her from the front. "I want you. And I'll have you. Watch me. You belong to me Sasha." He loved speaking to her in this softly sadistic manner and loved her reaction even more. She submitted to him completely.

"Eyes on me Sasha." He began to encircle her clitoris with his fingers applying just the right about of pressure and almost immediately found THE spot.

"Ahhh, Severus, oh please," She arched her backside against his quickly hardening cock. "Yes, oh that's amazing." He increased his speed ever so slightly and continued this pattern that she was enjoying. "Yeah." Was all that she could whimper, she was under his power and at his mercy. It was the strongest aphrodisiac he could imagine.

"Are you mine alone Sasha?" Their eyes met in the mirror as he watched her pant and her eyes glaze over. "I need to know you love only me."

"Only you." She breathed and then groaned with pleasure as he slid two fingers inside her. "Uhh yes." She whimpered.

"You feel so good. So hot." He moved his fingers inside her and began to thrust them tantalizingly slow in and out as his thumb continued to manipulate her soft spot. She was beginning to writhe under his hand and with his arms he held her tightly against him so he could enjoy the friction of her movements. The bath oils made their skin slippery against each other and it excited him even further. This combined with the visual from the mirror and Sasha's subservient eye contact ensured he now had a raging hard on. He violently pulled her backside against his cock and now it was his turn to groan.

She turned her head and pulled his lips to hers while he continued to pleasure her with his fingertips beneath the water. She wiggled her bum against him and he moaned into her mouth, and then nearly choked as she moved forward away from him. "What the? Sasha."

She rose to her knees still in the tub and leaned forward with her hands on the edge facing the mirror. Severus was stunned for a moment. "Come on." She breathed and pulled him forward until her was pressed against her again. The sight of her bent over in front of him slick with scented bath oils and begging on her knees to be shagged was enough to make him shoot his seed all over her backside right there and then.

Then a flashback shook him. He was suddenly afraid to touch her. After all those years ago with Barty's assault he would never have suggested this position.

"Sasha, are you sure." He whispered while holding her gently.

"Yes." She insisted loudly. "Severus please, now."

It briefly occurred to him that their sex life got more erotic every time they touched and he eased himself into her as they both experienced pure ecstasy. Now it was his turn to be at her mercy. The feel of being inside her hot wet core combined with this naughty positioning and the visual playback in the mirror was going to push him over the edge quickly. His fingertips began their attentions again and she expressed her approval while leaning her head back against his.

"Severus you feel so good. Harder." She begged and then leaned her head forward pushing her backside hard against him which allowed him to slam harder still into her, faster and faster. He knew he was close and furiously massaged her clitoris until she screamed through her loud climax. He grabbed her hips and thrust with abandon into her until he quickly released and his hotness shot off inside her.

He fell on top of her back as his chest heaved catching his breath. Sasha was on her elbows doing the same. If it was possible to have a moment when one's head was devoid of thought, this was the moment. They just felt peace. He slid off her and back into the water and she followed suit leaning against his muscular chest.

Merlin how he adored this witch. She was everything to him. He loved her; yes most desperately he loved her.

"Sasha I," his voice halted.

"Yes?"

"Sasha I lo…" again his words failed him.

Sasha turned to face him pushing his hair off his forehead. She brushed her lips against his. "What is it my darling?" Her eyes gazed upon him with child like hope.

"I…I…I love being with you."

Disappointment was written all over her face as the hope faded from her eyes and any trace of a smile disappeared. He hated himself in that moment. He was a cowardly fool. Why the hell couldn't he say it? He knew why. He'd only said I love you to two women, his mother and Lily. Neither one of them loved him in return, at least not enough.

She seemed to find her aristocratic façade as her fake smile spread over her lips. It was so obvious she was trying to cover her disappointment so as not to upset him. A Death Eater mask would have been subtler.

"I love being with you too Severus. I'm exhausted though." She stood up and stepped out of the tub then took his hand to pull him up. "Come on, let's go to sleep."

_AN: Well it's snowing on the east coast of America tonight but hopefully this will keep you warm. Hope you enjoyed their steamy tub scene. That was for everyone who called me a tease after the last update LOL! _

_HUGE and I mean HUGE thanks to Zombies Are Evil who made me a picture of Sasha which is now my avatar! I love it and she's even wearing Slytherin green__ You are awesome!_

_Please tell me what you think I live for your reviews! Seriously, I'm not kidding!_


	80. Chapter 79 Breakfast in Bed

CHAPTER SEVENTY-NINE

Breakfast in Bed

Severus awakened the next morning after a solid ten hours of sleep. More than double what he usually slept, his body obviously needed it. It was the first good and the longest sleep he'd had since the night Albus died and he and Sasha were separated. A feeling of renewal was with him as he stretched like a lion on her bed. She was not beside him but he could hear her softly moving about in the flat. What a lovely morning. For a moment he forgot all their troubles as one does when emerging from a satisfying sleep.

His eye wandered slowly about the room. It was furnished almost entirely in various shades of white down to the fluffy comforter and high thread count sheets. The only bright flashes of color were the unusual pieces of modern art that adorned the walls. The wall opposite the bed was decorated with six similar pictures of Sasha. They were similar to photographs but the colors were out of the norm and bright florescent shades. This he knew to be a technique of a famous muggle artist but couldn't recall the name. It was a very un-witch like room although the previous evening in the room had been quite magical for him. Still he liked it. It was very expensive looking and he kind of liked the fact that he was with an aristocratic woman with expensive tastes. He felt he deserved someone of that social rank.

Still the lavishness of this space served as a reminder that they were not on equal footing in the finance department, and that bothered him. He was old fashioned and felt that he as the man should be the provider or at least the one to provide lion's share of their soon to be pooled resources. How would he ever be able to offer her more than she already had? Certainly he could not as a professor. He earned a comfortable living to support himself but not enough to support the lavish lifestyle to which she was accustomed. For the first time in a long time he began to think about doing something other than teaching. He'd never wanted to teach but was manipulated into it by Albus. It was his penance for Lily. Since that was his lot in life, he'd never let himself dream of any other way. A new life with Sasha however made him consider all the possibilities. It was very freeing to think about.

That thought didn't remain for long though as Sasha entered the room carrying a large tray with a teapot and a plate of scones. "Good morning sleepy-head." She sang as she set the tray down on the bed and kissed him sweetly. She was wearing her large white terry cloth robe from the night before and he wondered if the color was chosen to match the décor of the room. Her long blond hair was slightly ruffled from sleep and spilled across her shoulders. Rosy cheeks were the mark of a woman who had been properly made love to recently. She was so delightful. He gave her a goofy, well goofy for him, smile.

"Let's give you some breakfast. You poor thing, I can nearly count your ribs. Doesn't Cissy feed you at Malfoy Manor?" She handed him a scone, which was surprisingly still warm. He looked confused as his eyes went from her to the scone and back to her. "What's wrong Severus? Too sweet for you?" She looked disappointed. "I'm sorry darling, I thought you liked scones."

"I do." He looked back at the scone. "Sasha, did you…make these?"

"Yes." She rolled her eyes and smirked. "Oh relax Severus I'm not trying to poison you."

A dreamy smile crossed his lips and he was thankful for such a sweet gesture. She had gotten up early so he could have homemade scones for breakfast. The effort was endearing even if they were bound to be hard as bricks. Skeptical, he slowly raised it to his lips and took a small bite. It was actually edible, more than that, it was good. "Mmm, Sasha these are wonderful." Confusion was all over his face. "I thought you said you couldn't cook."

"I said I didn't cook not that I couldn't. Do you just assume since I'm a Malfoy I wouldn't be particularly talented in the domestic arts?" She raised her eyebrows and waited for an answer. He took another bite stalling while he riddled out the correct answer. "You did, didn't you?"

"Certainly not, I have the utmost faith in your abilities." He knew it wasn't smooth but what else could he say?

"Yeah right, okay. We'll go with that answer." She teased and then poured his tea. As always that gesture just gave him a very secure warm feeling. She was serving him, taking care of him. He couldn't stop staring at her. She was going to make a splendid wife. He wished his parents could meet her but they were long dead. Perhaps they were looking down on him. He was going to have a good life in spite of them and the pain they had inflicted upon him.

As she handed him his tea, she noticed his dreamy expression. "What are you thinking about?"

"Sasha, as soon a we can get away with it, I'm going to marry you." He was dead serious as he looked intently into her beautiful blue eyes.

"I know you will." She patted his hand and he frowned looking at her ring finger that wore no ring. "Glad to hear you say it though."

"Do you ever think about what our life will be like after the war?"

"Sure." She gave him a lazy smile while she watched him eat his scone. "Every day."

So focused he was on the here and now that he hadn't thought much about it and the fact that she had, intrigued him. "What exactly to do you think? How do you see us?"

"Well, I thought it would be very similar to our life together last year. Working together, taking meals together. The only difference would be we would share quarters and not have to hide our relationship."

"You want to live at Hogwarts and keep teaching?" His lip curled up into a snarl just thinking about it. Hogwarts felt like a prison sometimes. He'd been stuck there since he was eleven and seen little of the world.

"Yeah, well I don't know. I mean, it really doesn't matter to me were we live or what we do as long as we are together."

_Spoken like someone who has never had to worry about money._

She noticed his dour expression as he sipped his tea and took another bite of his scone. "Did you have other ideas?"

"Unless you have your heart set on it, anywhere but Hogwarts. Sasha I've been confined to that place for an eternity. I feel like I've never had any freedom. I want to escape from it."

"Brilliant! We'll escape together."

He was relieved that her enthusiasm seemed genuine. If she had really wanted to stay he would have but now he would have options. Freedom. It gave him one more reason to fight.

"We could live here." She suggested.

"I hate this city." He snapped immediately.

"Oh really? I love it, but no matter this has really never been my permanent residence, more like a vacation home. Sirius and I would take holidays here. How about the country? I have a lovely place on the Irish coastline."

"No." He said flatly. "And don't insult me by suggesting you would move in to my little hell hole at Spinners End." He noticed her furrowing her brow and a line forming above her nose. He always seemed to be getting into an argument with her and wanted to diffuse this discussion before it digressed. "I don't mean to be disagreeable but please understand me. I don't want to just move in with you. Wherever we live, it has to be ours together. That's important to me." He was relieved that he seemed to have said the right thing for once and a glimmer of hope that had been missing since the prior evenings cowardice seemed to return..

"I like that idea Severus. A new life together. Something completely different." She leaned over and kissed him softly. "All right then. Let's go eliminate Tom Riddle and get to it."

He smirked. "If only it were that easy. Which brings me to some business matters. We need to discuss some strategic points."

"Tactics in bed? That's terribly bad form Severus."

"Would you like to go to another room? We have to plan."

"No." She seemed to shrink after being scolded.

"Then focus and let's talk. There are some things you need to be aware of and plan for."

"Uhm Severus, before you start laying out plans there are some things you should be aware of."

He didn't like the sound of this at all. Unlike Sasha, he abhorred surprises. "What…things?"

"You're not going to like it I'm afraid."

"Why am I not surprised?" He narrowed his eyes at her.

"Promise you won't get mad."

He didn't like the sound of this at all. Had she been unfaithful? He was ashamed that that was the first thought that crossed his mind. Lack of trust was second nature. His response had the impatient tone he took when he was annoyed with his students. "Out with it!" He spat at her.

Her hand began to shake, as she feared his wrath. She took his cup to pour more tea but he snatched it out of her hand.

"Stop stalling woman. I said out with it." He hissed at her and she looked down avoiding his eyes.

"Well," she began nervously, "You must understand I hadn't seen you in a long time. I was desperate for some news of you."

This wasn't starting out well. It sounded like the beginnings of a confession of infidelity. _Oh please don't let it be so._

"I met Cissy quite by accident one day and she let slip that you were at Malfoy Manor. I couldn't stop myself, I had to see you. So I went there. I hung around in the garden all afternoon watching you play chess with Greybeck."

"What?" He flew into a rage. "Sasha, that's insane. Don't you realize how dangerous that was? What if he'd seen you?"

Her head was bowed and she avoided his eyes. "He did."

"What." It was more of a statement than a question.

"He did. After you went into the house I tried to sneak away but he heard me and caught me. I was quite sure he was going to kill me or change me."

"Change you? Oh my God Sasha! How did you get away?"

"Rodolphus."

"What?" He stared at her in shock. "Do you mean to tell me Rodolphus Lestrange helped you escape?"

"Yes and no. He walked up on me just as Fenrir had me pinned and was about to sink his teeth into me."

"Pinned? Sink his teeth into you?" Severus was shaking his head; the thought was too much to bear. "Did that filthy mongrel hurt you?" Even though he'd covered every inch of her body the night before without seeing a mark, he pushed her hair back and examined her neck again just to be sure.

"I'm fine Severus. As I was saying, about that time Rudy walked up and saved me. Then he obviviated Fenrir's memory so he wouldn't rat me out."  
This earned a smirk with a bonus curled upper lip. "How chivalrous."

"And he didn't mention this to you?"

"No. I'm sure he's saving this little bit of intelligence. What reason did you give him for being there."

"I told him I needed to ask Lucius for some money."

An annoyed sigh escaped him. "Weak excuse Sasha."

"I know. It was the first thing that came to mind."

"You should have had your alibi hammered out before you went. That was careless. Did he believe you?"

"No." She said softly and looked down again. He had a knack for making her feel foolish without meaning to.

"Of course not. Even Lestrange isn't that stupid."

She winced then pressed on, anxious to get it all out. "There's more."

"Ugh!" He rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "There always is. What else have you done?" He leaned back on the pillows and shut his eyes tight while rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"Well I've been talking to Cissy."

"Yes, I've heard."

"She knows about us."

"She suspects but doesn't know. Have you confirmed?"

"Not about our relationship, just my feelings for you but really she's known that since we were in school."

This reminder of her years of devotion made him smile. Was he being to hard on her? She was so innocent in matters like this. He stroked her hair and tucked behind one ear, then lowered his voice to gentler tones. "So what do you need to tell me about her?"

"She's on our side."

He stared blankly at her blinking several times. "What are you saying?"

"She's worried about Lucius and what may happen to him even if the Dark Lord wins. She feels her family isn't being treated well and it will only get worse. She wants to pass information to the Order."

"Good God the woman has no idea what she's getting herself into."

"Sure she does. She knows the risks. She's willing to accept them. She really has no other alternative. As long as they are under the thumb of the Dark Lord, they will never have any peace. Cissy, despite what you may think of her has always been very pragmatic."

"I can't protect her Sasha. I know she's your family but this is far too risky. I've too much on my plate already."

"I'm not asking you too. You have more important things to focus on. Just know that she is sympathetic and could be useful if you need her."

He shook his head. "I don't trust her. If Lucius asked her to, she would sell us all out in a heartbeat."

"You may be right. Just use your best judgment."

"Listen, we have to discuss the start of term. When we return to Hogwarts, we will not acknowledge our relationship. It's too dangerous."

"I'm not stupid Severus." She glared at him. Why did he always feel the need to spell everything out to her like she was a child?

"I know you aren't, I just want to go through everything. Humor me, it will ease my worried mind."

"All right then."

They spent the rest of the morning laying out their plans for their return to Hogwarts. Sasha would publicly distance herself from him but let their alliance slip on strategic occasions in front of certain Death Eaters. They must think that she was somehow affiliated with him yet still on the side of the Order. It was selective truth telling. Something they were both excellent at.

As evening approached a sense of dread descended on Severus. Within the hour he would have to leave her and the agony of their separation would begin again. She was sobbing and shaking as he held her in his arms and they said their goodbyes.

"Oh Severus, please be careful." She choked. "I love you so much, you're my entire life. If something happens to you," He stopped her right there by putting a finger gently to her lips.

"Shh, my precious Sasha. Nothing is going to happen to me. The Dark Lord trusts me and I know what I'm doing. It will all be fine and I don't want you to worry." He held her face in his hands and kissed her lips ever so gently. "Promise me you won't take any more unnecessary risks."

"I promise." She sniffed.

He kissed her softly again. "Good girl." He frowned and hated what he was about to say next. Despite how he felt about it, it was the right thing to do. "One more thing."

"What's that?"

He took a deep breath and spoke quickly before he changed his mind. "If Ivan offers to be your security again,"

She pressed her fingers against his lips. "Please don't say it. I promise I won't see him again. I didn't mean to see him before but he's persistent and just seems to turn up."

He pulled her hand gently away from his lips. "No you don't understand. I want you to accept his protection. I may not like it but he'd fight to the death for you and I'd feel better if he were around when I'm not."

She stared at him as large tears rolled over her cheeks. He shifted his weight, hating to see her cry. "Sasha, don't get the wrong idea. I know it's using him and please don't lead him on but if he offers you protection, take it. I…I trust you."

Tears continued to roll as she kissed him goodbye. "That's the kindest thing you've ever said to me Severus. I promise you I'll be worthy of your trust."

"I know you will." He felt his throat tighten and knew he had to leave her now or he would never find the strength. He kissed her quickly on the forehead before walking to the center of the terrace and disappearing with a swirl of black smoke.

_AN: Oh Severus we hate it when you say goodbye and anxiously await your return!_

_Thanks for the loads of reviews last week! You guys are the best! Hope you enjoyed this little bit of fluff. Are my Mid-western friends all snowed in this week? I'll try to update again so you don't get cabin fever! _ _Please, please, please leave a little review and make my day! _


	81. Chapter 80 What a Fool Believes

CHAPTER EIGHTY

What a Fool Believes

When she returned to the burrow, which she had come to regard as home, Arthur and the other Order members were full of questions about her diplomatic activities abroad. She filled them in as best she could. The American wizards were still hesitant to fully involve themselves but would supply the Ministry with additional aurors. Typical political crap. They would get involved just enough to say they helped in case the Order was successful, but not so deep that Voldemort would come down on them if his side won.

Frustrated and exhausted, she tried to change the subject. "Any word from Harry, Ron or Hermione?"

"No." Said Arthur softly. Molly used her apron to wipe her eyes and walked into the kitchen. Sasha wished now she had never asked. About that time, she heard someone coming in through the kitchen door and wipe his or her heavy boots on the rug. None of the Weasley boys ever remembered to wipe their feet so it couldn't be them. Their step was heavy as they walked across the kitchen floor. Then she heard a familiar sigh.

"Molly, I've fixed the fencing and the garden gate. I also re-checked all your protective wards and found no holes. Everyone will be safe here. Is there anything more I can do for you?" Ivan Karkaroff's heavily accented English made the room seem warmer.

Sasha closed her eyes and gritted her teeth. After her delicious reunion he was the last person she wanted to see. She didn't have the head for him today. Silently she stood and walked upstairs to her room leaving Arthur alone and staring out the window.

Although she liked Ivan very much she felt the need to hide from him. He was so much like Igor whom she just adored, but he would press her and she would have to put him off again and perhaps hurt him. She didn't want to do that. All she wanted to do was to take a nap to help her adjust to the different time zone and fantasize about her last sexually decadent night with Severus.

He'd given her permission to accept help and protection from Ivan but knowing how Ivan felt about her made it feel wrong. Severus was Slytherin; so he would have no qualms about it. Sasha however didn't like it, she wasn't afraid to be alone.

Predictably there was soon a soft knock at her door. Sasha groaned at the thought of having to face him again. So much for being alone.

"Sasha." His voice was certainly not as perfect as that notoriously velvet voice belonging to Severus Snape, but it was warm and pleasant nonetheless. It reminded her of a warm fireplace.

"Yes, Ivan, come in." She remained seated on the bed facing out the window not wanting to offer him hope by greeting him too warmly.

"AH! Detka!" His voice was hearty as he knelt down and hugged her firmly. "I've been so worried about you. It's good to have you back."

"Ugh! Ivan you're all sweaty. Get off me." She wriggled away from him.

Anyone else would have been dejected after her reaction but he was as usual undeterred and merely laughed his warm deep laugh. "It's hot outside. I've been helping Molly out with a few projects." He stood up and began unbuttoning his shirt that was damp with perspiration exposing his broad chest. Sasha quickly averted her gaze but as it slipped down over his muscular arms, she couldn't help but cast her eyes to the side and sneak a peek. He was tanned from being in the sun all summer and positively ripped. Was that a six or an eight pack? She didn't look long enough to count but wasn't about to look back now. If he caught her checking him out he would be merciless.

"So I see, what's going on? The Karkaroff fortunes must be in dire straits if you're reduced to being a day laborer."

He chuckled. "Good one. Not at all. I just try to make myself useful since I'm staying here."

"What?" Like she needed more complications.

"Oh didn't they tell you. After the wedding, Arthur didn't want Molly staying home alone while he went to work, so I offered to move in."

"That was…kind of you." She sputtered looking everywhere but right at him.

"Wasn't it though?" He sang as he cocked his head to the side and smiled. She loved his little boy smile. He always looked like he was up to something naughty. It reminded her of Igor. "While I'm doing my chores today is there something I could ah…do…for you?"

"Can you put…your shirt...back on?" She met his eyes quite by accident and felt a blush creep up her neck.

He smirked and cocked his head to the other side. "No." He said with his naughty smile. This got a laugh out of her.

"You're a mess Karkaroff." She laughed while rolling her eyes.

"So we're roomies."

"Excuse me?"

"Well more like flat mates. I'll be right down the hall. So if you get scared at night, just come on down and hop in bed with me."

"Not likely." She sighed and looked into his big brown eyes and wished she knew the perfect girl for him. Maybe if she could set him up with a cute witch he would move on. "Look Ivan, don't get the wrong idea."

"Oh relax Detka. I won't molest you. Unless you want me to." He smiled broadly at her but his smile faded as he watched hers disappear.

Sasha shuddered. She'd heard those very words from Igor the night they watched the dragons together. She suddenly had a flashback to that night and felt the pang of guilt she always had when she and Ivan were getting along. It felt so disloyal. The thought of Igor always depressed her, a life unfinished.

"What is it Detka?" He stood in front of her still shirtless.

"Oh nothing. Igor used to say that. He was so funny, declaring with pious sincerity that his actions would be nothing but honorable. Unless of course the witch was willing. Then he was ready to get busy." She smiled again and he did as well. "We used to have so much fun. I could always count on him to make me laugh. I miss him terribly. Don't you?"

"Oh, yes. Of course." Ivan's tone was always dismissive when he spoke of his older brother. He never wanted to talk about Igor. Typical man, keeping all his grief inside.

"Why don't you ever want to discuss your brother?"

"He was my brother. He's dead now. What else is there to say?" He shrugged. "Well I'd better go clean up before dinner. You know Molly and her rules."

"Indeed I do."

He turned to leave but she stopped him. "Ivan?"

"Yes?"

"Don't get the wrong idea, but I'm glad you're here."

"I'm glad you're glad." He said flatly before leaving.

The last days of summer dragged on and the heat was nearly unbearable. Life at the Burrow was boring without the rowdy Weasley boys and Harry. Ginny stayed in her room quite a bit obviously sick with worry about Harry and her friends. Sasha certainly knew that feeling well but was so consumed with her own misery she didn't want to deal with anyone elses.

She and Ivan went flying together every morning at dawn. Sasha was thrilled to be able to enjoy her favorite activity again now that she had someone to keep her safe. Ivan was an excellent flier and they were fairly equally matched. She was terribly grateful to have him around even if she did have to walk on eggshells and watch her every move to avoid leading him on. Although he dropped hints broadly and frequently, he kept his tone light and didn't become angry when she ignored or refused him. Severus could not have found fault with her behavior and she felt good about that. And then came the night she would leave for Hogwarts.

Sasha had packed her trunks and shrunk them to fit into her pocket. Severus would be there when she arrived and the reunion with her beloved was first in her mind. She impatiently said her goodbyes to Molly and Arthur but Ivan insisted on walking her out before she apparated. One last romantic moment was his obvious goal but try as she might, she couldn't avoid him.

The night air was starting to be cool again and there was no sound but their footsteps as they walked to the garden gate. She couldn't avoid the moment any longer. "Well Ivan, I guess this is goodbye." The moon was full and as the light shone over his face she could see his anguished expression. His normally cocky countenance looked heartbroken and the sight made her stomach flip. As he met her eyes his lower lip began to quiver and his breathing quickened. "Oh Ivan," she said sadly while touching his arm.

"Don't go Detka!" His voice was cracking. Normally he never lost his cool and the fact that he did now scared her. She was never quite sure what he was going to do next. "You're walking into a death trap. Stay here with me."

"Ivan please understand. I have to do this. It's my duty to the Order."

"And to Snape?" He spat.

"Yes," she admitted softly. "And to Severus."

"If he loved you, he would get you far away from here." He pointed his finger at her while growling.

"Yes, well he doesn't love me." To admit this was depressing enough, to admit it to Ivan was utterly demeaning. She was sure he would pounce on it, and he did.

"Then he's a bloody fool. But I love you." He paced back and forth and then shook his fist at the sky. "I'm so sick of waiting of you to get him out of your head! You've tortured me for years and still I'm devoted to you, while he spurns your affections."

She rolled her eyes and waived him away not wanting to hear this song yet again. "Don't be so dramatic and I've barely known you a year."

He made no response but stared deeply into her eyes. His sigh was ragged as he closed his eyes and kept them closed. "Ca…Detka please. I'll say or do anything to make you stay. I'll take you far away. I'll…" he cleared his throat and opened his eyes. Squaring his shoulders he regained his dignity. "I'll keep you safe. I know we could be happy if you gave me a chance."

"Ivan stop it. You're always pushing."

"Damnit!" He stamped his foot like a little boy who didn't get his way. "I should never have left you that night. I was so close! I'd rather have you in my bed thinking of him than never having you at all. Name your terms Sasha."

"Ivan, there are no terms. I'm going. That's it. Please understand." She pulled away and walked twenty paces before apparating without looking back.

Ivan ran his fingers through his hair and clutched it in frustration. He sighed heavily and scanned the stars in the night sky. My Cassiopeia…"

AN: Poor Ivan. Sorry babe, you just can't compete with Severus Snape the Sultan of Snark. Oooh and now she'll see our dashing hero in just a few minutes. I'm beside myself with excitement! (Jumps up and down!)

Thanks for the reviews this week. Also I've gotten some great plot ideas from a few of you! Shcweet! Please take pity on me and leave your poor slaving author a review

I'll be away for a few days—family thing—so forgive me in advance, the next update will be a while in the making.


	82. Chapter 81 In the Closet

CHAPTER EIGHTY-ONE

In the Closet

Over the next few days Sasha settled into her new quarters across the corridor from the Headmasters office. As she finished unpacking prior to the sorting ceremony she occasionally sipped a glass of bourbon each time she walked by the table it was sitting on. With all the chores of setting up the classroom and writing her rather dubious lesson plans and then putting up such a good front for enemies as well as friends, she was exhausted. Severus had been too involved and under too much scrutiny to pay her any attention but she understood. He had to be very careful. Desperately she wanted to see Severus tonight but doubted that she would. He had his role to play and that would take precedent until this was all over. He would have to be in his quarters and available to anyone who needed him. It would never do for him to be found in Sasha's room. To make matters worse the walls of the Headmasters quarters were littered with portraits so that they could never have a moment's peace there.

The mood at the sorting ceremony was very different this year, hushed. The children as usual were terribly afraid of Severus even more so now after all they had heard about his crimes. Most of them didn't find out that he was the Headmaster until after they arrived. Even the rowdy Gryffindors were subdued this evening. Severus made some opening remarks and introduced his new staff. He was stern and intimidating. Under better circumstances, Sasha might have attempted to get him to soften his tone but this was best for now. With everything going on he had to have total control of the students and right now they were too afraid to move without his approval.

Upon conclusion of the sorting ceremony, Severus directed the entire faculty into the reception room just off the great hall. There was none of the usual warmth that accompanied Albus Dumbledore's post sorting get-togethers, no music, no open bar, and no fun. "I don't have time for idle chatter so I'll be brief. For those of you who don't know him, this is Rodolphus Lestrange. He is here under the direction of our Lord and will be assisting me this year."

"Charming." Sasha said under her breath and rolled her eyes to the ceiling. She glanced over at Rodolphus who leered at her. _ Nauseating_. She could almost see the wheels turning inside his head and wondered what he was really up to.

"That's enough Sasha." Severus snapped at her. "Before I begin, does anyone have anything that they would like to discuss? Speak now or keep it to yourself."

"I have something Severus." Minerva spoke up. A true Gryffindor, she wasn't intimidated by anyone. "Horace and also you Sasha, something must be done about that Draco Malfoy. He's always been hard to handle but today on the train he was running amuck, completely unchecked. He was bullying the younger students and getting into fights. Something must be done about him immediately."

"He's very headstrong Minerva. I don't' know if he'll listen to me." Horace whined.

"Oh for Merlin's sake Horace! Get control of your lizards." Sasha began with venom in her voice. "Minerva, I'll talk to him but don't expect my influence to be more than temporary. His ego is bigger than his father's and Lucius never listens to anyone. I'll say this now though Horace. Don't expect me to ride herd on your little minions all year. Minerva and I have our hands full trying to sit on these Gryffindors and keep them from leveling your slithering little Slytherins."

"They are Hogwarts students Sasha." Severus interrupted in his iciest tone. "They are everyone's responsibility."

Sasha narrowed her eyes and pointed at him hoping she would be convincing. "Look Snape you made this mess. You were Head of Slytherin House for years and didn't do a bloody thing to keep them in line. Flagrant favoritism on everything from detentions to grades to quidditch that's what you did. It's no wonder they're running around with grandiose ideas about themselves. You fed into it. If they get out of line with anyone from my house, I won't be able to prevent everything that might happen."

"Sasha that's enough." Minerva whispered squeezing her arm. "We have a responsibility first to Hogwarts and then to our houses."

Sasha grumbled and leaned back in her seat striking a defiant slouching posture as Sirius liked to do.

Severus stared her down. "Are you quite finished with your little tirade?"

Her eyes met his without fear and with her haughtiest Malfoy expression. "For now."

"On to other matters. 1-Student prefects will no longer patrol the corridors after hours. I will require all of you to do this. A schedule will be forthcoming. 2-With so many of you teaching new subjects, I'll be stopping in to observe your methods. Be prepared, I do not accept poor planning. 3-Due to safety concerns, the house quidditch teams are hereby disbanded."

"What?" Sasha was on her feet immediately.

"Sasha let it go." Minerva tugged on her arm.

"No, I'm not letting it go. If you don't let them get their aggressions out on the pitch, it will be mayhem in here."

"Then I suggest you find other more productive ways to occupy their time. Your house always had the lowest marks, they could use more instructional time, instead of something as ridiculous as quidditch."

"Bullocks! Rudy, you were Slytherin's captain. Surely you understand what I'm talking about. Tell him." She waved her arm in Snape's direction.

Rodolphus eyed her up and down and appeared to be thinking of anything but quidditch. When he met her eyes, he merely shrugged as his lip curled up on one side.

"Stupid gits." Sasha mumbled under her breath before plopping back down in her seat.  
"What was that?" Severus glared at her but she did not respond. "See me after the meeting Sasha."

Rodolphus never took his eyes off Sasha. He pursed his lips together and narrowed his eyes. Then he appeared to chuckle but did not make a sound.

When the meeting concluded everyone left except for Severus, Sasha and Rodolphus. "That will be all Mr. Lestrange," Severus dismissed him and Sasha fought to repress a smile. Rodolphus sneered again before leaving the room. Immediately Severus cast a muffling charm around the two of them.

"How was that Headmaster? Convincing enough for you?"

"Stupid git was a nice touch. You know you're very beautiful when you're angry." His arms encircled her waist and he pulled her body against his.

"As are you. We should fake fight more often, it gets me hot."

He chuckled and overtook her lips with his own, indulging in a long leisurely kiss. "I don't need fake fights to make me want you. I'm so glad you're here." He pulled her head against his broad chest. "I've missed you so much. I can't believe you're really here. This summer has been endless without you."

She wrapped her arms around him under his robes and squeezed him tightly. "Severus, we're never really apart as long as we…care about each other." She found it hard to say she loved him knowing he would not say it back.

"I'm sorry we haven't had any time together. It's just…"

"Shh. No worries." She pressed a finger to his lips. "Your mission must always come first. To do otherwise would be extremely short sighted."

Gently he kissed her forehead. "Thank you for understanding…as you always do." He took her hand and pulled her towards the couch were they reunited four years ago this very night. "Tell me what you've been doing with yourself for the last month."

'Oh," she began nervously. "Not much to tell really. I hung out at the Burrow with Molly and Arthur."

"No need to be evasive." He said in a patronizing tone. "I know Ivan was there."

She was immediately afraid of his jealous temper. "Severus, nothing happened."

"Don't insult us both by being defensive. I trust you and I'm glad he was there to keep you safe." He inched closer and kissed her softly on the cheek. This was a very different Severus than she was used to.

"So you don't hate him anymore?"

"Oh no," he paused to kiss her other cheek. "I still despise him but I don't sweat him."

"I love it when you're conceited." She took both his cheeks in her hands and pulled his lips to hers. His tongue thrust into her mouth and he explored it at leisure while her body gave in to his. Slowly he eased her back on to the couch and positioned himself on top of her. "Perfect. Now my lovely witch I have you exactly where I want you."

"Summon the ministry, our headmaster is molesting the staff," she teased.

"I'll say I was provoked. No court in the land would convict me if the saw how alluring you look at the moment."

"Dangerous wizard like you? Off pillaging towns and deflowering maidens, you'll go straight to Azkaban. I'm sure of it."

His smile faded as he thought he might just end up there yet. She noticed and quickly changed the subject.

"So what's with Rudy lurking about? Does he have a purpose or is he purely ornamental?"

"He's here to keep an eye on me."

This earned a snort. "That's a laugh."

"No doubt lurking outside the door and timing our encounter. I don't want you to underestimate him. Tonight was fine but do not go picking arguments or engage him or the others in any way. These people are very dangerous and fight dirty. Cool your Gryffindor temper and think of me when you're tempted to unload on them. Can you do that?"

"Yes sir."

"Good girl. Now back to your quarters. I have work to do and I don't want anyone getting suspicious."

"Alright. Can I expect you later?"

"No. It isn't safe."

"I love you."

He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Good night my dear."

Sasha walked out the door and turned to head towards her quarters. He still couldn't say it. What was wrong with her? Why is it he could never cross that line? She became lost in her thoughts and for a long time didn't notice that she was being followed for some time. As she rounded a corner she heard footsteps behind her. She didn't have to wonder who it was for long. "How was your punishment?" It was the smooth tone of Rodolphus Lestrange. "Did you like it?"

"You're revolting." She said over her shoulder. His laughter echoed through the corridors. Sasha quickened her step and did not breath easy until she was safe in her own quarters with the door secured behind her.

The week seemed to drag on forever. Sasha struggled to teach her ridiculous curriculum on Pureblood history to students who seemed to roll their eyes at her every word. She couldn't blame them and would have done the same herself. She did however keep homework assignments light so they would have time to focus on more productive subject matter.

Severus didn't come around and although she understood her nights were lonelier than ever. What she most looked forward to was breakfast in the Great Hall where he still permitted her to sit to his right and pour his tea. Their conversation was guarded as Death Eaters always adorned his left, but at least she was near him. Meeting his eyes always renewed her strength even if they couldn't be together.

At the end of the week, it was her turn to patrol the castle after hours. Sasha walked through the eerily still corridors with only her wand to light the way. It no longer felt like Hogwarts. She used to feel safe here, now she never knew what evil creature would be lurking around any corner. She heard something behind her and stopped walking. When she stopped, she no longer heard it. Someone was certainly following her. With a deep breath she prepared herself for a fight and hoped it would not be against the formidable Mr. Lestrange. She took three more steps and then felt a hand cover her mouth as an arm wound tightly around her waist pulling her violently out of the hall. In vain she tried to scream but whoever it was had already cast a muting spell. She couldn't utter a single defensive spell as the figure pulled her to a nearby closet and shoved her in. She turned in terror to face her abductor but her eyes met the tender black orbs of Severus. For just a moment he paused but then his mouth descended with violence on her own. Involuntarily, she dropped her wand and snaked her fingers through his hair. "I want you now Sasha." After weeks without him, she needed him in the worst way and immediately went for his belt working furiously to undo his trousers while his lips never left hers. She pushed them partway down his legs and stroked his shaft that was rock hard as he groaned in esctasy. He pushed her against the wall and lifted her skirt with both hands moving up her thighs and over her backside. "I've missed you Sasha."

He slid his long fingers over her panties and moved them aside as she gasped his name, "Severus." She whispered and he engulfed her mouth again. Her moans became slowly louder as he teased her with his hand.

"Yell all you want Sasha, I've cast a muffling charm, there's no one to hear you. I love it when you're loud." He pulled both her legs around him and she screamed with pleasure as he slid into her. There was no foreplay, no romance, just urgency. They had to have each other completely and he plunged hard fast and deep into her like waves crashing in a storm. Her passion was loud and uninhibited, as he liked it. Each time she screamed his name he progressed closer to the edge. She was trapped between his desire and the wall and there was no escape from this passion that consumed them both. He exploded inside her as she climaxed with him and her legs ensconced him. They clung tightly to each other and didn't move until they were too weak to hold their position any longer. Finally she slid her legs down until they touched the floor.

He was still breathing hard and did not release his vice like grip on her. "Sasha the whole world is falling down around us and all I can think about is when I'll have my next chance to make love to you and how I'm going to do it when I get that chance."

She was out of breath and her voice was raspy. "Severus, do you have any idea how sexy that sounds?"

"No." He was still breathing hard. He had never thought of himself as desirable to women and it delighted him to know that she found him sexy.

"I think about you all the time too."

He pressed his lips to hers with a lingering lazy kiss that grew in intensity. When he finally pulled away, he rested his forehead against hers and intently stared into her eyes. "When this is over. I promise you. Everything will be different. We won't have to hide anymore."

"I know."

"You really believe me don't you?"

"Yes."

"It will be better Sasha. I swear to you. You deserve so much better." As always after sex, he was more lucid than usual and shared his feelings freely.

"Hmmm, I don't think much could top the now infamous broom closet interlude."

HE growled and ground his hips against hers. "I'll build you our own private broom closet and violate you there anytime you want me to."

"Promises, promises headmaster."

AN: Someone made a joke on Facebook this am about being scared to put their Swiffer mop in the garage with "the hoe" so close to Valentines Day. In light of this hot broom closet action, I found that very amusing!

Sorry for the late update this week. Extra lemons since I made you wait. I'm getting close to 500 reviews and would certainly buy you a butter beer if you would be so kind as to leave your thoughts. Cheers!


	83. Chapter 82 Better Boyfriend on Birthday

CHAPTER EIGHTY-TWO

Better Boyfriend on Birthdays

Severus was very well aware of Sasha's birthday this year. After years of bungling the occasion he was going to get it right this time. She would be his wife one day and this would be a day he would always honor her on. No more forgetting, or belated birthday dinners and certainly no more watching while she received gifts from other men, this year he was in control. It didn't tax his brain at all to determine the perfect gift for her this year. First thing in the morning he stole away to Gringots and entered his vault to retrieve it.

Later that night he went to her room where he had arranged for a late supper to be delivered. A dutiful house elf set up the table. As he left them to enter the hallway Severus obliviated the unsuspecting elf's memory and the shut the door before the poor thing even hit the floor. He was agitated and fidgety and she watched him pacing around the room.

"What's the matter with you Severus? You're as skittish as a wild hippogriff tonight. Are you nervous we'll be caught together?"

"Sit down over here Sasha." He took her hand and led her over to the couch then took a deep breath.

"What is it? You're scaring me. Is everything all right?"

Her eyes sparkled in the firelight and couldn't help but kiss her softly before he replied, "Everything is fine." His heart was racing and he wasn't exactly sure how to proceed. He decided to go with the traditional approach. He got down on one knee and took her hand. He took a deep breath, unsure how to begin.

"What are you doing?"

"Sasha, are you quite certain that you still want to marry me one day?"

"Yes. Severus I know we've argued about the timing, but I want us to be together forever. It's so important to me that you don't doubt that." She touched his cheek with her hand and he turned his head to press his lips to her wrist before continuing.

"Good." That was all he needed to hear. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small indigo velvet box. "I should have given this to you when I asked you to marry me but it was rather sudden."

Sasha's hands shook with excitement as she watched him open the box that contained a beautiful diamond engagement ring. Surprisingly it was enormous. So much so that her first thought was that it must be a fake. Quickly her well-honed Malfoy instincts appraised the stones; it was in fact real and at first glance to the naked eye, flawless. In the sleek platinum setting, there was one large emerald cut stone in the center, two and a half possibly three karats, then two channel cut diamonds on either side that appeared to be about one karat each. It was beautiful and Sasha giggled in thinking her mother would have told her to marry the man who gave it to her and not care if he was pureblood, half-blood or any other variety.

"Oh my word Severus," she gasped, "it's beautiful."

"You like it then." He smiled hopefully and it made him look years younger when he did.  
"I love it. Put it on me." He took the ring out of the box and held it up as he looked into her eyes with an expression both hopeful and determined. Then he kissed the base of her bare ring finger before sliding it onto her graceful hand. She squealed in delight and impulsively kissed him with reckless abandon on the mouth while falling against him. This took him by surprise and they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. He began to chuckle but her lips met his again and she kissed him one more time before pulling away to admire the ring again. "Severus you really are the best. I never thought I could be this happy. But it's awfully extravagant. You really shouldn't have. I mean, Merlin, It's bigger than Cissy's and her ring is huge."

"What a catty little thing you are!" He laughed openly at her. "I forgot how witches size these things up. Well one day you can wear it in front of her and make her green with envy."

"Cissy will be happy for me." She giggled, "It's Lucius I'm thinking of. Oh will he check this out! But really Sev, this must have cost a fortune. Please don't think that you always have to spend this kind of money on me. Despite my background, I'm not as high maintenance as people assume."

He was suddenly very serious. "I didn't spend a galleon. It was my grandmother's ring."

"Really? Oh Severus." She took his face in her hands and kissed him again. "Then I shall treasure it all the more. How did you come to have it?"

He sighed and propped himself up on his elbows. "When my mother died, grandmother came to the funeral. It was the only time I'd ever met the witch."

"What was she like?"

"Nothing like me." He scowled and rolled his eyes. "She was supposedly gifted in the art of divination"

"A seer in your family? That surprises me. You're so structured."

"Yes, well, she gave me this ring and told me she'd seen my future."

"Which was?"

"That one day I would marry a beautiful pure blood witch from a prominent family and bring honor back to the Prince family. She told me that when I did, she wanted me to give this ring to my bride."

"Wow. That's a weighty little legacy. You've never been much of a believer in divination. I'm surprised you didn't sell this."

"You know me well. I've kept in Gringots thinking one day I'd be in need of emergency funds and could sell it. Now however, I see it finally finds it's true owner." He kissed her hand and admired the way it looked adorned with his most valuable possession. His family and hers were now about to be joined forever.

"It's so beautiful. Oh Severus I wish I could wear it all the time. It's too beautiful to have to hide in my jewelry box. Actually I should probably take it to my vault at Gringots." She mused.

"You'll do nothing of the sort. I placed it on you finger and there it will stay." He waved his wand over her hand. "Substantia." He murmered. "There. Now no one who doesn't have some ownership in the ring can see it. Just for our eyes and no one elses."

"You never stop surprising me. I'll take excellent care of it." She said pushing his hair back but then stopping to admire the ring herself. "And also of you." She kissed him in earnest this time as his hands began to roam her body. The gesture of him giving her what was most likely his only family heirloom was more than she had ever dared to hope for and she decided to give him a proper Thank You. "I'm going to make you so happy Severus."

"I know you will."

"No." She stopped and looked into his eyes with a mischievous grin. "I meant right now."

He looked at her quizzically and then laughed as her mouth descended hungrily on his neck. He rolled on top of her and began to indulge his own desires.

_AN: Happy Valentine's Day Everyone! Hope you get some Valentines as good as what Sasha received but if not just pretend you are her tonight__ See, he is learning to be a better boyfriend LOL. Well as good as he can without losing that snarky arrogance that we all adore. Thanks to all my reviewers this week! I hit 500 WOOHOO! Butterbeers for Counting-Fingers who was my 5-0-0! Please keep them coming—I get so excited when I see them! _


	84. Chapter 83

CHAPTER EIGHTY-THREE

As the weeks went by Sasha had little contact with Severus that was not of a professional nature. They saw each other in the morning and in passing throughout the day. Fortunately she now had his ring to remind her of his promise that they would be together one day. It was comforting to look at but she had to remember not to glance at it too frequently lest someone else notice and become suspicious.

On the evening of the annual Halloween feast she happened to be admiring it while seated at the Head Table. She stared at it dreamily as she recalled the last Halloween when they had snuggled all night in the autumn breeze. She had been trying to take his mind off Lily, as Halloween was always difficult for him. She wondered where his mind was drifting to tonight, to the beautiful night they spent together, or to thoughts of Lily. Her insecurities crept back into her heart despite how far their relationship had progressed over the last year. Insecurities were soon erased however; as he entered the great hall and noticed she was looking at the ring. He raised an eyebrow at her and she couldn't help but smile knowingly back at him. Despite all the stress of the war, his double life and his position as Headmaster he was still so terribly handsome. Dreamily her eyes followed him as he took his seat and she wondered if she could work out a way to see him only for a few minutes tonight. Perhaps she could manage to pass him a note that said "Meet me in the broom closet." The thought of their last encounter caused her to giggle to herself.

Just past Severus on the other side was Rodolphus who noticed the entire exchange. Accidentally she met his eyes and caught him leering at her then she quickly looked away.

_Merlin, that man turns up everywhere these days._ He served no real purpose at Hogwarts and just hung around observing the daily comings and goings and generally getting on everyone's nerves. Sasha tried to stay clear of him. He was nothing but trouble and besides that he already knew far too much.

"Sasha Malfoy is looking lovelier than ever." Rodolphus said as he gnawed on a morsel of beef. He carefully watched Snape's expression for a reaction.

"I suppose." Severus feigned disinterest hoping to get this sleaze to drop the subject.

"All these years and she's never married. Don't you find that odd?"

"No. She's been engaged twice. Neither match worked out." Severus shrugged. "I suppose she is too independent. You know she was always had a problem with authority."

Rodolphus stared at him thoughtfully and then had a naughty idea. "Do you think she's a lesbian?"

Severus nearly choked and quickly grabbed for his wine to clear his throat. "No Mr. Lestrange. I do not. Sorry to put a damper on your voyeuristic fantasies, but she is most certainly straight." He punctuated his response with an arched eyebrow.

Rodolphus chuckled. "Excellent." He continued to leer in her direction much to the annoyance of Severus. How dare this filth look at his witch and consider her sexually. Clenching his jaw he reached for his wine glass again. He took a small sip and then set it down and wiped his mouth before tossing his napkin in a decidedly careless manner to the side.

"This is an educational institution Lestrange not a brothel. You will leave my staff and my students alone or I warn you, I've always thought a healthy dose of the Cruciatus curse would benefit you immensely. Is that clear?"

Rodolphus narrowed his eyes and considered this man's motives. Certainly there was more going on here than what was on the surface. Molesting women certainly wasn't a terrible offense in their world. He was now more certain than ever that the rumors surrounding the liaison between these two were true. "Certainly Headmaster. I wouldn't dream of disturbing your…staff."

Sasha sauntered out of the Great Hall as both men watched her thinking the same thing. For Rodolphus, checking out her ass had become a favorite pastime. However he had more ambitious plans for her derriere and his loins burned as he thought of them.

His musings were interrupted by the appearance of Fenrir Greyback who normally never set foot inside the castle. His job was to patrol the grounds and keep the undesirables out and the students and staff in. He sneaked up behind them and whispered something in the Headmaster's ear. Without a word, Severus sprang to his feet and followed the burly werewolf out of the Great Hall. Obviously they would be occupied with some important matter and Rodolphus would have some time to indulge his fantasies. He grinned with glee and began to pick at the remaining food on Snape's abandoned plate.

Bellatrix had been the Dark Lord's lover for months now. When the affair began she still allowed Rodolphus to touch her and he tried hard to be the husband she wanted. Despite what people thought of him he did love her when they married and he still did. So he looked the other way and didn't argue while doing a thorough job on her in the bedroom. Bella however had always been a bit of a nymph and it was not enough for her. As her interludes became more frequent with Voldemort she spent less and less time with her husband and finally came to a place where she barely acknowledged him.

He was lonely and frustrated. Being at a school surrounded by 15-17 year old girls most of whom were probably still virgins was maddening. If it weren't for the watchful eyes of Severus, he would have been molesting them right and left. Fresh flesh was always tempting for him. They were so unlike his wife who by that age had been plucked more times than the Rose of Tralee. And then there was Sasha. Merlin what he wouldn't give to bang the living hell out of that witch. His cock twitched at the thought and he got up and walked towards her quarters.

Severus and Greyback walked out of the castle and into the cool fall night.

"Well Fenrir? Where is he?"

"Shh," Fenrir cocked his head to the side and listened. He took a deep breath inhaling through his sensitive nostrils and then snapped his head at the path leading to the Shrieking Shack. "Over there." He whispered while pointing his wand in the same direction. "Can you see him?"

Severus looked to see a tall imposing figure near the bushes by the start of the path. He strained his eyes and tried to identify the interloper. Who was he? What did he want? He appeared to be looking up at something and Severus followed his line of vision to the castle. There was a light on in Sasha's room. It was the only light on that side of the castle and he could see her moving about in her room, standing by a table and pouring herself a drink. The figure seemed to settle in to watching her window. Severus felt his head begin to throb and his ears begin to burn. Problems always more problems, they never stopped coming at him. "Follow me." He snapped at Greyback and they took the long way around the grassy quad in order to stealthy approach the intruder from behind.

When they were within twenty feet Severus motioned for Greyback to stay back while he took the lead. Soon he was inches from this peeping pervert who still hadn't heard him. "Stop right there Mr. Karkaroff, that is if you value your life." He sneered while shoving his wand viciously into the back of Ivan's neck.

Ivan stiffened. He was startled but didn't back down. "Put your wand down Snape. I didn't come here for a fight," came the heavily accented retort.

"Then you shouldn't have come at all because you're going to get one. Why are you here?"

Ivan was gritting his teeth. "I want to see Sasha."

"Ah yes, you gandered at her. I saw you gander at her. You've had your gander now you can go." Abruptly, he pushed his wand further into the back of Ivan's neck causing him to stumble forward.

Ivan quickly whirled around, arms flexed and ready for a fight. "Not until I speak with her." He began to crack his knuckles one by one with each thumb.

"Sasha Malfoy has nothing to say to the likes of you."

"You can't keep her from me forever."

"I'll do anything I please you arrogant imbecile. Allow me to educate you. Do you know who I am?" He walked in front of him and shoved his wand hard up under his rival's chin.

"I don't give a damn who you are. You can't stand between us. We have something special."

Severus' chest was exploding with rage but his voice remained low and controlled. He whipped up his sleeve revealing the sinister dark mark and shoved it under Ivan's nose. "Do you see this?" Ivan looked down his nose at it but made no reply. "Take a good long look at it Ruski. You know what it is don't you? You've seen it on your slippery rat of a brother before he met his death. You know who I'm with."

"You don't scare me you overgrown bat."

"Why you insolent…"

"Do you love her?"

The question made Severus falter but he quickly recovered. "I'm in no mood to discuss my sex life with the likes of you. I am the highest level of death eater serving the most high and powerful Dark Lord, and if you don't get the hell out of here this instant, you'll meet your end as your intellectually retarded brother did." Severus threats were however empty. He would not hurt this wizard no matter how much he hated him. He knew there was a very real possibility that he would not survive and he wanted Ivan to be around to take care of Sasha in the event that happened. She deserved to be happy with someone.

Ivan shoved off Snape's wand with the back of his hand so forcefully he grunted involuntarily at the physical exertion. "I'll leave you in possession of the field…for now." Then he stalked away into the night.

Greyback approached. "Do you want me to follow him?" He licked his lips, the moon was out and he was hungry.

"For an hour, just to scare him however, no violence. He's stupid but harmless. Keep him alive. I want him to tell the tale."

Meanwhile Sasha was dealing with an unwanted visitor of her own. After their seductive eye contact Sasha was certain Severus would not be able to resist stopping in for just a few delicious moments together. She anticipated that it would be well after lights out and was examining the lingerie in her drawer to decide what he would enjoy ripping off her the most. There was a knock at the door and she ran to it with anticipation. When she opened the door however she was disappointed to find Rodolphus leaning against the doorframe and looking right through her clothing.

"Mr. Lestrange, what do you want?"

"Mr. Lestrange? Come now Sasha we're family."

"Very distant family and only by marriage. What do you want?"

"We didn't have long to chat when last we met. I thought we could catch up."

"I've no interest in catching up with the likes of you." She moved to shut the door but he stopped her.

"Tisk, Tisk." He clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth as he leaned closer. "We can do this the easy way, or the hard way. Take your pick. Come now, I was kind to you." He whispered while lifting a strand of her hair to play with. "It's time to repay me a kindness."

Not wanting to draw his anger, she allowed him to enter. She closed the door and leaned against it with her arms crossed. He sauntered across her room appraising the surroundings and then settled lazily on the couch and patted the seat with a smirk for her to join him. "Why so frigid Sasha? I've always liked you. I thought you liked me too."

"I used to when we were kids but you changed. You have spent your time doing things that make it impossible for me to like you."

"I have changed since you knew me it's true. I'm not the boy you knew that's for sure. You're still close with Lucius though. Our paths have been similar."

"I love Lucius because he's my brother but no, we are no longer close due to his lifestyle choices." She was nervous but not about to let him know it so she faked a smile and continued. "Goodness where are my manners? Would you like a drink Rudy?"

"Ah the perfect hostess even when in fear of her enemy. That's the mark of the finest variety of pureblood witch. And I like it when you call me Rudy."

"You don't scare me LeStrange. And manners have nothing to do with bloodline. Your wife was a miserable hostess."

"Ha!" His laughter was genuine as he slapped his knee. "And you dare insult my house? I see why you were in Gryffindor. More guts than sense. A Slytherin would have complimented me no matter what they thought."

"Yes well most Slytherins are full of shit. And your house isn't what it once was."

"Oooooh, I remember why I liked you now." He leered while shifting in his seat. "I love a witch with a foul mouth. That might be useful later. Cheeky little thing just like Bella."

Sasha put up her hand and rolled her eyes. "Please don't compare us we are nothing alike."

Suddenly his face became serious. "No, I suppose you are not. You know you know I always found you far kinder than your brother."

Sasha smelled blood but approached him softly to retain her advantage. She handed him his drink and sat next to him. With a faint smile she clinked her glass to his and they both took a sip before she continued. "What's wrong Rudy? You always did wear your heart on your sleeve. It's your weakness you know."

"I don't have a weakness." He snarled at her and took a longer drink, wincing at the burning in his throat.

"You have many or you wouldn't have attempted to compensate for them by joining the Death Eaters."

He scowled at her and it was easy to see why people were afraid of this man. His mood swings were more erratic than she remembered and his eyes had grown colder. "How dare you make assumptions about me. Blood Traitor." He stood and looked down on her. She had forgotten how huge he was.

"Truth hurts doesn't it?"

A low growl came from him as he turned away from her and walked over to the fire. "So why did you come to see me? Shouldn't you be off with Bell doing whatever it is that you two do? I'm assuming the Dark Lord sent you to see me. You people don't draw breath without asking permission first."

"He knows I'm at the castle but I'm not with you because he ordered me to be."

"Interesting."

He circled her like she was his prey. When he was behind her his hand stroked her hair and he found the strand he touched earlier and began to twirl it. It felt silky under his fingers and he was anxious to touch more of her.

"Ah so this is a side trip that he is unaware of. How intriguing. Can I also assume then that Bella is unaware then? I hear she is always by his side these days. His… enthusiastic companion." She took care to draw her words out for effect just like Severus would have. Rudolphus remained silent but she saw his hand flex into a fist out of the corner of her eye. She braced for impact but it did not come, so she continued. "Well Lucius wouldn't send you to see me. He would come himself and honestly he's never trusted you anyway. So state your purpose."

With a rough jerk he pulled her hair forcing her to look up at him and their eyes met. Then he let go and swaggered back to his seat next to her. "I just remembered you fondly." He stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers while smiling sadly. Her gut reaction was to smack his hand away but that was not a good strategy at the moment. She felt safer on her turf and didn't want to start another fight with him.

"Ah, I see." She took his hand and gently moved it away from her face. Kind but firm. "Bell's off shagging a bigger name and my dear Rudy is feeling neglected. As handsome as I've always thought you are, I'm afraid you've come to the wrong witch."

"Oh no. I've come to the right witch. You're perfect for what I need." He inched closer to her with the grace of a jungle cat.

"I don't think you know what you need. If you did you'd be done with me by now and I'd be shaking off the after affects of the Imperious curse." He flinched at her frankness and she knew she had him. "If that's it get on with it, but I warn you. I don't play nice." She stuck her wand gently under his cheek and grazed his jaw line until it was under his chin.

He made no reaction other than to look down at her wand. Then he raised his eyes to hers again. "Put your wand down Sasha. I won't hurt you." For some strange reason, she believed him.

Sasha did as he asked and then took his glass and walked over to her liquor cabinet. She poured him another drink and then walked back to her seat and handed it to him. He did not take it, merely looking first at the glass and then at her with contempt. "Take it Rudy." She said softly. "You look like you could use it." He growled and jerked the glass from her hand. "Now tell me what's wrong."

He stared at her for several seconds and then smirked. "Don't try to shrink me Sasha. You'll only scare yourself."

Sasha smiled back even though her insides were quaking in fear. "I've told you before you don't scare me." She patted his hand in a motherly fashion. "It hurts doesn't it? To see someone you're in love with give their heart to another. That's why you're here. You're trying to forget her aren't you?"

"You don't know all you think you do." His smile was so fake it was Malfoy worthy. "I was born a gypsy and a gypsy I shall remain." He shrugged and smirked at her but his normally brilliant green eyes hazed over and betrayed him.

Lestrange finished his drink in one long swallow before standing up and smashing the glass into the fireplace. Shards of glass littered the hearth. "Your conversation bores me. The prostitutes in Hogsmeade are far more entertaining. Be ready though, your day will come." He stood glaring at her trying to intimidate.

She however was in her own arena and quite used to dealing with overzealous suitors or whatever he was pretending to be at the moment. She smirked and arched her eyebrows. "As will yours Mr. Lestrange."

He searched her eyes for something and then smiled like he was thinking of something sinister. Then he took her hand and bowed to kiss it gently before leaving. As he turned to go she wiped his saliva off on her robes.

Severus was hot with fury as he stalked up to Sasha's quarters. He hadn't been able to spend anytime with her in the last month and had no idea how she was spending her evenings. Perhaps she knew Ivan was coming tonight. Had they arranged a meeting? Well that would be just his luck. _Bugger! _

As he turned the corner in the corridor next to her room he was just in time to see Rodolphus sauntering away from her door with a disgusting spring in his step. His jaw clenched as his eyes bored holes in his back. Then with a flick of his wand he practically ripped her door off the hinges as he made his entrance. She jumped obviously surprised and he immediately wondered if he'd almost caught her doing something dishonorable with the handsome Mr. Lestrange.

"Oh Severus. Thank heavens."

His blood turned to ice as he spoke in a frighteningly controlled voice. "Would you please tell me what the hell Lestrange was doing in your room."

"Settle down. You scared the magic out of me. I don't' even think he knows. I suppose he was trying to forget Bella and loosing his nerve for anything else. Certainly not what he planned on doing. Thank goodness for small favors."

He immediately regretted his jealous thoughts. "Thank goodness." He sat down next to her and took her in his arms pulling her head against his chest rocking her back and forth. "Filthy scum." He muttered. "I won't have any more close calls. We're going to add security to your quarters and I'll work on creating some kind of panic spell you can use to summon me. Then I'll make sure he pays for this."

"No, no don't. He didn't get out of line. Well not out of line for him anyway. If we allow things to play out he could become a useful ally."

"Ally?"

"Yes. No one knows it yet, but Rudy Lestrange is starting to crack."

"Crack?"

"Everyone loves someone Severus. The Dark Lord's dalliance with Bella is getting to him. If we play our cards right he might flip."

"No he won't."

"He might. I think I can get him to open up to me. He almost did tonight."

He glared at her. "Stay the hell away from him."

"Severus, please. I really think…"

"I said, stay away from him!" He bellowed taking Sasha by surprise.

"Fine. If it will make you feel better, but I think we are missing an opportunity."

"You leave the opportunities to me."

She wanted to argue further but knew it was pointless when he was like this. "Oh Severus, I don't want to fight with you. Sit down I haven't had any time with you." She pulled him down on the couch with her then kissed him behind his ear, which usually got him going. Tonight however he remained tense and responded only with an exasperated sigh.

"Where have you been?" She cooed into his ear. "After those looks you were giving me in the Great Hall tonight I thought you would have come by immediately. I was getting worried about you."

"Driving away your Russian suitor." He spat while standing up and whipping his cape off in a fury.

"Ivan was here?"

Hearing her speak his name so musically infuriated him. "Yes Ivan." He snarled, "Was there another one?"

"Oh, what did he want?"  
"To see you."

"Where is he now?"

He turned slowly with his mouth agape. _Why the hell did she care?_ "Not…here."

"Oh Severus, really. Stop acting like that. What did you do to him?  
"What does it matter to you?" He snapped.

"Severus I'm not in love with him but I don't' want anything bad to happen to him. What did you do?"

"Don't worry, he lives on to fight for your affections another day."

"Did you hurt him?"

"You sound awfully concerned about our young friend."

"Shouldn't I be? He's fool enough to walk into this den of vipers and attempt to see the fiancé of the head viper." She tried to keep her tone light but he was in a foul temper.

"I am not amused."

"No?" She crawled on top of him and straddled him, giving her hips a wiggle. "Perhaps I can devise something for your amusement."

Severus grabbed her wrists violently and looked urgently into her eyes. "Tell me you love me." He needed so much to hear her affirm her devotion for him. It was the only thing that was sustaining him these days.

"I love you Severus. With all my heart you know that."

He knew he was coming off like a controlling bastard but seeing someone like Ivan and now that lowlife Rodolphus coming after the love of his life reminded him of Potter and how he took Lily away. If he lost Sasha now he couldn't go on living. "Tell me the truth. Is there something going on with either of these men that you need to tell me. Please, I have to know."

Her hurt expression said everything. She looked like a child who was starting to doubt the fairy tales she'd always put faith in. " Severus, where is this coming from? How could you think that?"

"I can't lose you Sasha. I won't lose you, not to Ivan or Rudolphus or anyone else."

"Rudolphus?" She snorted, "Be serious. Of course you won't my love. I'm completely devoted to you. You know this." She placed her hands on his cheeks and gently moved them through his hair before she kissed his forehead. "You know it to your very core don't you?"

He groaned and kissed her passionately. "You're all I'll ever want in this world Sasha Malfoy. I'll fight anyone who tries to come between us. I'll fight them to the death. You belong to me."

_AN: Poor Severus, he's going to have a nervous breakdown before it's all over. Thanks for all your thoughts this week. I do enjoy reading them__ To Grey Lady—Regarding Sasha being a little on the shallow side? Yes. I have to own that for her. She was raised as a Malfoy and that comes with a certain amount of issues. I see her like these girls I knew in college. They would scuff around in ripped jeans and tie-dyes listening to The Grateful Dead and pretending to be hippies. Then they would hop in their BMW's and go get a $5.00 latte at Starbucks. I'm not judging her but it just is what it is. _

_Let me know what do you guys think of Rodolphus? Nasty thing isn't he?_

_Have a great weekend!_


	85. Chapter 84 Complications

CHAPTER EIGHTY-FOUR

Complications

As November dragged into December the demands of Severus' dual life consumed him. As always he was intensely focused on bringing down the Dark Lord but now there were so many more motivating factors. He was newly encouraged with the realization that Harry was clever like his mother and the Dark Lord was becoming increasingly frustrated. He was actually feeling good about the possibility of victory. He tried not to fantasize about their life together but that was difficult when he saw her.

Unfortunately his renewed focus meant that he continued to spend far too much time apart from Sasha. It was nearly impossible to spend nights together or have any other private time. To compensate, she made more of an effort to see him on professional terms. Although this frequently meant that there were colleagues around, he was still happier just to be near her and she appeared to feel the same. Every now and then she would steal a kiss when no one was looking, or casually brush against him, or whisper "I love you," in his ear. It was as if she understood his insecurities and his need for constant affirmation and wanted to set his mind to rest. It made him love her all the more. No matter what the circumstance she understood him and quietly sought to mold her life to his.

It was a wonder that she was able to find time for these little extras. The House of Gryffindor was becoming increasingly unruly and vocal. Sasha and Minerva were handing out detentions like candy. The students were getting into fights with Slytherin House every other day and Longbottom had taken the lead in reforming Dumbledore's Army. Severus of course knew but turned a blind eye to this. Secretly he was pleased that this shy young man was starting to come into his own. While an intelligent boy in prior years he was always in Potter's shadow. Severus thought it was good to see him becoming his own person. He had always had a good opinion of his father; he wasn't like the other gits in that house.

Today was Saturday and as much as she wanted to stay in the castle today and try to see Severus, Sasha was stuck going to Hogsmeade today to keep an eye on the unruly students. Normally, she would not have had to attend but Minerva had a large detention group back at the castle. The boys in her house were itching for fights these days and so she shadowed them to keep the mayhem to a minimum. Longbottom was having the DA meet at the Hogshead Tavern today so she hoped that would keep more than a few of them out of the mix.

As she passed the Hogshead on her way to The Three Broomsticks, she saw Rodolphus Lestrange peering into the window. Obviously he knew or suspected something. This was not good. It would never do to have him finding out about the DA. Her instincts took over before she could consider possible consequences of her actions, and she made her move to distract him.

"Hi Rudy, where ya going?" Sasha purred to him, which immediately produced the desired effect. For a moment, he turned and eyed her suspiciously then his full lips curved slowly into a seductive smile._ Merlin he's easy!_

"I was heading into to the Hogshead for a drink. Care to join me?" He extended his hand, which she took and pulled him back a step while wrinkling her nose.

"That dive? Whatever for? I was headed over to The Three Broomsticks. Why don't you join me? We used to have a lot of fun there. Do you remember?" She raised her eyebrows while biting her lip for effect.

"I remember you were horrible at darts." He stared intently into her eyes.

She tossed her hair and laughed like that was the funniest thing she'd heard in ages. "What a silly thing to remember. I bet I could still beat you. Come on I'll buy the first round." She wondered if she was laying it on too thick as his expression remained vaguely suspicious. Then he seemed to relax and his lips broke into a big smile.

"All right. Let's go." His hand remained in hers as she pulled him down the block until they entered The Three Broomsticks. She pulled him across the room and they sat at the far corner at a table with poor lighting. He stifled a smile as he noticed the lighting was dim. An afternoon with a good-looking witch in a dark corner of The Three Broomsticks was just what he needed. Sasha took the seat facing the door; she wanted to be sure to see everyone who came in. She hoped like hell Severus wouldn't show. No doubt this would look bad and she would have to explain before he lost his temper.

Sasha looked at the clock. The students had to return in two and a half hours. So to be safe she had to keep him busy for three. Her mind raced as she thought of way to do this. "Are you hungry?"

"Not for food."

_Oh shit. _"Ha!" She tried to laugh this off but was also starting to think she was in over her head. "Rudy you always were a naughty boy."

"You have no idea." His hand was now on her knee.

"I'm sure I don't." She picked up his hand by his index finger and removed it like a dead animal. "Time for a drink and some darts. You set up, I'll order. What are you drinking?"

"Firewhiseky."

Sasha met Mme Rosemerta at the bar to order. "He'll have a firewhiseky and I'll have something non-alcoholic that looks identical. And bring refills every twenty minutes." Mme Rosemerta smirked. She'd played this game before.

They played darts, drank and discussed non-controversial subjects for the next three hours. They talked about old times in school and social events. They discussed quidditch at length, which was actually enjoyable. It was the one thing she really wished she had in common with Severus but didn't. He put up with quidditch but didn't love it as she did. If she didn't know so many of the disgusting things Lestrange had done as a Death Eater over the years she might have found him quite tolerable. But she did know and her perception colored everything she thought about him.

As he became drunk, his aim got worse but she let him win to keep him in the best mood possible. It would never do to have him in a temper in his current state. When she was sure the students were gone she paid their tab and helped the tipsy wizard out.

As they walked up the hill he became increasingly difficult to handle. Considering some of the hard drinking men in her life she should have been used to it. However he was far worse than Sirius on a bad night as this one was starting to touch inappropriately.

"Lestrange, you're a married man, remember yourself." He threw his head back and laughed too loudly. "Married? What a joke that is."

"Shh!" She hissed at him. The last thing she needed was Bella with a vendetta coming after her. Despite his resistance she kept guiding him to the castle door but he was a drunken mess and pulled her body against his.

Sasha looked towards the entrance to see how close she was and when she did, she was confronted with the tall imposing figure of Severus Snape and he did not look pleased. His lip curled into an angry sneer and as he raised his wand and she drew breath in anticipation of the curse she knew was about to hit Rodolphus. However they were both surprised when Lestrange was hit by a curse from his left sending him flying twenty feet and landing stunned on the ground.

Sasha and Severus both whipped around with wands drawn only to see Ivan Karkaroff stalking across the quad. "What the bloody hell are you doing with that scurvy bastard? Haven't I told you to be more careful? He was all over you! How can you let that happen? What were you thinking?" He was admonishing her like an overprotective parent and Sasha knew immediately this was not going to go over well with Severus. She cringed thinking she was in deep shit now. As he reached her his tone softened, as did his kind eyes. "Did he hurt you my dear?"

His hand extended upward to caress her cheek and she was petrified thinking of Severus' reaction. There was no telling what would happen if he saw this man touch her, but before he could touch her Severus was by her side. Ivan's hand dropped loosely to his side while he rolled his eyes to the sky.

"Get inside Sasha. Now." Severus' tone was low and commanding. It made her shudder. She saw so much good in him that she rarely considered how truly dangerous this man could be. He was not one to be trifled with. The reality of it made her blood go cold. "I thought I told you not to come back here Karkaroff."

Ivan however, did not appear to be the least bit afraid of him. He was a fool. "Someone has to watch out for Sasha."

"Are you daft? She doesn't want you here."

Ivan raised his chin in defiance and growled back. "I'll wait for Sasha to tell me that." He looked past Severus into her eyes but she was too terrified to respond. Standing there, mouth slightly agape she was rooted in her spot as her eyes darted back and forth from the two wizards.

Her hesitation infuriated Severus and he snapped his head to face her, eyes wild with fury. As much as she hated to hurt Ivan and particularly to emasculate him in front of his rival, it had to be done. "You should go Ivan." She said firmly.

"Is that what you want or are you just afraid of him?"

She moved closer to Severus and put her hand on his shoulder in a show of solidarity. "It's what I want. I appreciate your care and concern but really, it's best if you leave. I'm fine. Severus has everything under control as he always does."

Ivan winced, obviously hurt and angry, clenching his jaw. He looked at the ground and then back at Sasha as he struggled for something to say.

"What about that lizard that was all over you?" He glanced over at Rodolphus who was beginning to get to his feet.

"You leave him to me." Severus said coldly.

"Leave him to you? That's a joke! If I left him to you he'd be molesting her in the bushes right now."

"Why you presumptuous little rooster." Severus clutched his wand and took a step closer to Ivan. "I ought to knock the taste out of your mouth."

"You don't scare me you overgrown bat."

They continued to bicker back and forth like two schoolyard hooligans

Rodolphus was finally recovering and he stumbled over to Sasha however still unsteady on his feet. She was now exasperated with both Severus and Ivan. They continued to hurl petty insults and slurs at one another while ignoring she and her drinking buddy. "Come on Rudy." She threw his arm over her shoulder and helped him stagger inside to his quarters. The fight was now out of him and he was more easily managed.

When they reached his room she led him over to his bed and pushed him down. Then removed his coat. He tried to pull her on top of him but she wriggled out of his grip. "Not a chance Lestrange."

His rich but drunken laughter filled the room. "Cocktease." He giggled. She entered his bathroom and raided his potions chest for a sobering draught. When she found it returned to him and tried to get him to take his medicine.

"Here Rudy, sit up and drink this."

"They both want you don't they." He slurred his word but his observation was astute.

"Oh hush up! Drink your draught. You always were a gossip, just as bad a Sirius."

"Hmmm. Trying to change the subject?" He drank as ordered. "I must be hitting a nerve."

"I'll be hitting something if you don't shut your cake hole." She took the potion vial and went to rinse it out in his bathroom.

"Don't demean them by playing one off the other. You're above that, or so I thought."

"I'm not playing anyone. Since when are you the philosopher?" She snapped at him. "I've told Ivan it's not going to happen. I don't know what his problem is."

"Can't get the message I guess." He mused. "Just like his brother. Dumb as a stump."

Sasha had had enough of his theories for one day and slammed the clean vial down on the edge of the sink. "Don't you DARE talk trash about Igor Karkaroff! He may have had issues but he was my very good friend. Ivan is a good man too. Just a little misguided at the moment." She walked back into the room near his bed. As she turned to pick up his coat on the floor he smacked her backside causing her to jump.

"I can see why!" He eyed her naughtily and his laughter filled up the room again.

"Watch it!" She glared at him.

"Oh relax. I'm just having fun." He leaned back on the bed and laced his fingers behind his head watching her hang up his coat. "I've got enough troubles without adding you to my list. Fooling around with another wizard's witch is nothing but trouble…well, for someone like me anyway." He watched her return to him, pick his foot up and pull off his boot. "So who's are you?"

"What are you babbling about?"

"Who will you choose?" He sat up on his elbows.

"My love life is none of your business. And what makes you think I would choose either one of them anyway?" She pulled his other boot off then walked back to his closet to put them away.

"Come on. I see the way you look at Snape."

Sasha froze in mid step and slowly turned to him, mouth agape for the second time today.

He smirked knowingly. "You say I wear my heart on my sleeve? Who wrote the book on that my dear."

"I've had enough of your theories for one night."

"Don't be ashamed. I think it's charming, to be so in love even though it's hopeless."

"Merlin, you are shitfaced. I'd better get you another draught. And don't call him hopeless." She returned to the bathroom for another draught but really just wanted to hide her face from him. He was hitting a nerve, several actually.

"Why? He is hopeless. Always has been."

"Severus is many things but hopeless isn't one of them."

"Oh trust me, he's hopeless. Just like Bella, cold manipulative, unfeeling, vindictive, and murderous. He'll only bring you pain. If it comes right down to it, he would hand you over to the Dark Lord. That's his only loyalty."

"So what? I'm a gypsy like you and a gypsy I'll remain. Sit up and drink the draught before you pass out."

"You told me I wasn't and neither are you." Like a shot of vodka, he downed the draught and handed the empty vessel back to her. She set it on the table and looked at him for a moment. There was good in him somewhere. At least there had been at one time. She couldn't decide if it was still there or if he was merely manipulating her. Retreat was her best option until she figured it out.

"Good night Rudy. Sleep it off."

"Good night Sasha."

She breathed a sigh of relief as soon as his door was shut. While walking back to her quarters dread overcame her. The usual argument with Severus was sure to follow no matter how exhausted she was. Although she was sick with worry wondering how it ended between Ivan and Severus she just didn't have the head for it at the moment, so she decided to return to her quarters and freshen up before going to face the music in the Headmasters office. _ Oh, he's really going to let me have it. _ She began to feel nauseous at the thought of the coming onslaught. She entered her dim room and tossed her coat on the chair. Finally she was able to relax but not for long.

"Back so early? Lestrange must not have much staying power." Came the velvet but ominous voice behind her.

She turned to face him and found the same stone cold expression he possessed when they were outside. Why did he always have to bait her into a fight? It was as if he thrived on it. She decided to try not to get sucked in this time. Perhaps if she remained calm he would as well.

"That's such an absurd insinuation it's not even worth getting angry about. You don't honestly think that. You're being irrational."

"IRRATIONAL? Whom are you speaking to?"

Again she tried to behave rationally. "You know I'd never cheat on you. You're just mad and acting territorial."

"I wouldn't have to be if you didn't lead everyone on who looks twice at you."

She stared at him in shocked silence. Obviously her strategy was not working so she decided to give him what he was looking for. Perhaps he needed this drama to feel passionate and connected to her. "That's what you think?"

"Yes, that's what I think." He circled her. "One man has never been enough for you. You always have to have at least a couple of back ups," he spat and continued to circler her like prey, "both Karkaroff brothers, Barty, now Lestrange."

"Stop it!" Her lip started to quiver and tears started to burn. "You know I love you."

"But I'm not enough am I?"

"Of course you are." Desperately, she reached for his hand only to have him jerk it away. "For your information Rudy was following Longbottom today. If I hadn't distracted him he would have discovered that the students have reformed the DA. I knew all I had to do was flirt and buy lunch and he'd forget about it. It worked too! Plus he's starting to trust me. Me might be able to use that to our advantage."

"I've told you not to pursue that." His voice was booming. Her knees were shaking. "And then Ivan following you around, how long was he with you?"

"I've no idea."

"No idea? Do you think I'm stupid?"

Finally her courage returned to her as she saw this easy opening. "At the moment? Yes."

He growled and paced away seemingly trying to choose his words carefully. Then he turned on her again. "You can not go using your…charms with this lot. It's dangerous. I don't think it's too much to as that my fiancé not go leading the enemy around by their Johnsons." He glared into her eyes now wide with astonishment.

"Excuse me? I'm not leading anyone one around by their," but he cut her off.

"I will not have you acting like a whore!"

And there it was. Sasha's lip quivered as she stood before him dumbfounded and utterly devastated. He must have noticed her reaction but was unmoved and made no attempt at apology.

Finally she found her voice. "Get…out!"

"Gladly."

_AN: I do love that arrogant bastard…_


	86. Chapter 85 Master and Servant

CHAPTER EIGHTY FIVE

Master and Servant

"Lestrange." Severus greeted his fellow Death Eater as at breakfast the following day with a curt nod of his head. "I'm surprised to find you up this early. I thought you'd still have your head in the toilet saying your prayers to the porcelain God."

"Ha! No Severus I feel wonderful this morning. What a beautiful day." He breathed deeply before sitting down. Ravenously he attacked the food in front of him.

Severus snarled, hating that this slime was actually in a good mood. Plus his table manners were revolting after years in prison.

Lestrange ignored him as he chewed a too large mouthful of bread. "I don't see Sasha here this morning or did I already miss her?" He lazily stretched his lanky limbs while scanning the great hall for his new friend.

"I didn't see her this morning. Perhaps she's sleeping it off." Severus mumbled while chewing his toast and staring at his plate.

"Sleeping what off?"

"Did you black out? Perhaps I should fill you in. The two of you had a rather drunken afternoon yesterday. Normally she's in bed until at lease two after a binge." His thoughts drifted to the morning after she broke up with Ivan and he brought her coffee. She answered the door wearing next to nothing. _Rather slutty behavior in hindsight. I should have known she would be trouble._

"You seem to be quite familiar with her habits." Lestrange appraised him while Severus continued to eat. "For your information, she wasn't on a binge you bat. I was the only one on a binge. She was drinking some kind of fruit juice not firewhiseky although I wasn't supposed to know that." He whispered conspiratorially. "I took a sip from her cup when she went to the loo. She's a far better person than you give her credit for." Severus continued to ignore him, which was disappointing. He wanted to get a rise out of him so he tried another approach. "She's a sweetheart that one. She tucked my drunk arse into bed and gave me a draught so I wouldn't have a hangover today. She'll make some lucky wizard very happy one day."

Severus stared into his tea while starting to feel like a cad. As always he kept his emotions hidden from his fellow Death Eater. So their encounter had been innocent as she said. Vicious jealousy however still burned through his veins despite this revelation. He was now getting angry with himself and took it out on the nearest target. "Fancy her Lestrange? Do you want to drink her blood?"

Lestrange continued to study and toy with him while a sneer sneaked across his lips. "No Severus. I'll leave that to someone else. Don't get me wrong I'd adore fucking her till her eyes went crossed but I don't think I will. Sadly Bella's all the woman I'll ever want." He sighed and stretched his arms while tilting his chair on the two back legs. "I won't lie to you though; it's nice to spend a day like yesterday with a witch like that. That's what I thought we were fighting for you know?"

How dare the thought of having his lovely cross this gorilla

's mind. "What are you rambling about?" Severus growled through his clenched jaw.

"I mean that's the way of life I thought meant something. The joy I used to get from being in the society of purebloods enjoying themselves. We had a beautiful way of life once. That's all gone now."

Disloyalty. Severus was intrigued. Sasha was right about him. He should have listened to her. He pressed on hoping to gain further insight. "What are you talking about? The Dark Lord has returned to power and it's merely a matter of time before Potter is eliminated and there's nothing more to stand in our way."

"It's not what I thought it would be. The beauty of that life we once knew has vanished. Everyone scared stiff of the Dark Lord, the tension is so thick you can taste it. The towns are in ruins; Malfoy Manor is even in disarray. Bella and I lost our youth in Azkaban and now…well it seems I'm losing her too. This isn't where I thought I'd be in life by now."

Severus couldn't help but be disgusted by these observations. They all centered on him. His view of the scenery, his youth, his wife. This former child of wealth, raised with all the gifts in the world still thought the world revolved around him. He gave no thought to the muggle borns and half bloods he'd tortured over the years, no thought to the Longbottoms sitting in an insane asylum, or to their son who was passed off to be raised by relations. Everything was assessed in relation to himself. Sickening.

"What about you Severus? Has your life turned out as you planned?" Lestrange didn't wait for an answer. He grabbed an apple and strutted out of the great hall leering at a group of Slytherin girls as he went and causing them to whisper and giggle.

Those words haunted Severus all day. 'Has your life turned out as you planned?'

Certainly not, but no one's did. He was still alive, so better off than most considering the current situation. When he was young he had such plans for his life. By now he imagined he would be a distinguished and notable healer, wealthy from his achievements, accepted in to aristocratic society, married to Lily.

Married to Lily, sweet Lily Evans. Lily didn't lead a slew of men on to cover for her insecurities; Lily was understated, classy, above reproach. She wouldn't have gone out carousing in the middle of the afternoon with the likes of this lecherous pervert. She would have been home, tending to his needs, taking care of their children. He wouldn't have had an argument like that with her. He could only ever remember arguing about one thing. Oh how he ruined his life in a split second. One childish, foolish choice of words and she was gone forever. He could still see the mocking in Potter's eyes that day.

Over twenty years later and he still hadn't learned from his mistake. Calling Sasha a whore yesterday was proof of that. Why was it so difficult for people to learn from their mistakes when emotions were involved? He was, he thought, the best in the world at developing and preparing potions, all of which required learning through trial and error. How quickly and easily it was to learn from his mistakes in the lab. Not so with his heart.

In is youth he wanted to control Lily. To make her fit into his idea of life. She was muggle born and he wanted her to ignore that part of her life, to be ashamed of it too. He wanted her to embrace the dark side and crave power as he did, to shun others not of like mind and lord superiority over them. But that wasn't who she was and he couldn't change her. When he finally came to realize this, his emotions exploded on her and then she was gone. Unforgiving.

Yesterday felt very similar to the day he called Lily a mudblood. The hurt in Sasha's eyes, the way she immediately banished him and his regret were not unfamiliar. Over and over he replayed the scene and each time he hated himself a little bit more. _A whore. Fuck! How could I call her a whore? Merlin, she's been engaged twice and pursued by the most eligible wizards I know and still she saved herself for me all these years. She was a virgin, giving me that gift, saving it for me even though I didn't want it. She loves me, even wants to marry me. She's the only one who ever truly loved me and look what I've done. I actually accused her of needing more than one man at a time and leading men around by their Johnsons. What a disgusting thing to say. _ _What kind of person talks like that? _

Severus was miserable and distracted all day. A ferocious blizzard raged outside which fit his mood perfectly. He needed to talk to someone and the only person he could talk to about such things was Sasha who may never speak to him again. He was in fear of what he had to do, apologize. Over and over, he replayed the scene of standing outside the Gryffindor portrait hole begging Lily to forgive him. His utter lack of dignity and the coldness of her green eyes made him cringe. Sasha held a far more forgiving heart but he always knew his luck would run out sooner or later. Was today the day?

How was it possible that he, an above average intelligence wizard continually found himself in this situation? He began to suppose that his problem wasn't so much her behavior, which although slightly inappropriate, wasn't technically unfaithful or wrong. No, the problem was that he was trying to force her into his image of what he envisioned for himself in a witch. She was never going to be like Lily, they were too different. He couldn't change her any more than she could change him.

When she didn't appear for dinner that night he went looking for her. It wasn't hard to figure out that she would be in her classroom working, grading essays. When she was troubled by something she threw herself into work. They were similar in that respect. He found her sitting with her feet up on her desk reading an essay. Her reading glasses were on the end of her nose and she peered over them to see him enter the room.

"May I have a word with you?"

She sighed and dropped the paper in her lap. Then she took off her glasses, tossed them on the table and squared her jaw before she answered him. "Sure, pick a word. How about 'whore'? I know that's a personal favorite of yours." The crack in her voice tugged at his heartstrings. Again she was hurting and again he was the cause. Would it ever end?

"How about 'sorry'?" Slowly he entered the room and approached her cautiously. He wasn't positive that she wouldn't hex him.

"We'll that one certainly has to be in your top ten. You use that one a lot. Funny you keep doing things to warrant it being used again." Her voice cracked again but he sensed a determination in her tone.

"Can we just stay calm? Our tempers got the better of us yesterday."

"That happens a lot doesn't it?" She stood up and walked over to the window. The wind was howling and the snow was blowing so hard that they couldn't see more than a few yards ahead.

He followed her to the window stood behind her preparing his approach, then gently turned her to face him. For the first time he noticed her red rimmed and swollen eyes. She had been crying, quite a bit. "Can you forgive me?"

"Don't I always?" She pulled away from him and walked with purpose over to the blackboard. "It's all I effing do." She spat as she furiously erased the chalk on the board.

"I guess I deserve that." He replied softly.

"You bet you do." She sniffed without turning.

"I do trust you Sasha."

"Uhh!" She grunted as she whipped around and threw the eraser at his head causing him to duck to avoid it. Her sudden violence was shocking. "Really? Really? Today you trust me; yesterday I was leading men around by their Johnsons. What the hell is the matter with you?" Shrieking like a banshee and eyes wild with anger, Severus found her ravishing and was immediately drawn to her

"I was angry." He ran across the room and took her gently by her shoulders. "When I see how they look at you. Every man I see is a potential threat to us. I know what they're thinking. I know what they want. It makes me insane. You're mine. I'd like to hide you away. They have no right. Sasha I just want you all to myself. I…have…to…please…just promise me I'm the only one."

Her puffy eyes fixed on him for an agonizingly long time before she responded. "I promise. Again. I'll promise you as often as you need to hear it but you can't keep acting like you did yesterday. It was uncalled for and counter productive. Look, I'll admit I flirted with Rudy a little but that was a strategic maneuver not because I have other ideas. And with Ivan, I've told him over and over again that it isn't going to happen. He just doesn't know when to give up. I can't control that. Anyway I thought you wanted him to protect me."

"I've changed my mind."

She managed a weak smile on one side of her mouth. "You're allowed."

"Sasha, I…I want to do better for you. I want to be the man you deserve. I'm ashamed of myself after yesterday. Just like father."

"Don't say that."

"It's true. Those were his very words to mother. She didn't deserve it anymore than you did. I trust you. I just don't trust them."

Never able to resist him, she took his face in her hands and brushed her lips against his. "Nothing happened. It's so important that you believe that."

Despite his efforts to keep a calm exterior, his lips trembled. "This is so hard for me."

"Shh," she whispered pressing her lips against his as if to steady them. "I don't want you to waste any more of your emotions on those two. You save your passion for me."

Obedient he was as his lips overtook hers while his hands wove themselves through her hair and held her head close. He relaxed when her arms wound around him and pulled his body against hers. Physical closeness with her always had a healing affect on him and at the moment he was terribly grateful for it. The feel, scent and taste of her were mesmerizing. In another moment he wouldn't be able to stop himself and sadly, they had neither time nor freedom to indulge in this luxury.

"Sasha we can't. Not now." He whispered breathlessly. The sadness in her eyes told him she still cared. She still wanted him.

"It's okay. Christmas break is coming. Can we spend it together this year? I miss you so much."

He sighed heavily. "As Headmaster, I have to remain here. I have work to do."

"Well I'll stay with you. I'll help you. Surely we can find some time to be together. That's what our problem is right now. We are spending too much time apart. It allows you too much time to worry about where we stand with each other."

"That sounds wonderful." Groaning, he felt his own Johnson twitch and was looking forward to her leading him around by it.

"It will be, I promise you. We can sleep late and eat breakfast in bed every morning. We can stroll around in the snow every day and at night…well you won't believe what delicious activities I have planned. This separation is killing me too."

Severus stood there holding her in his arms for as long as time would permit. Once again, a reprieve for his abominable behavior.

Later that night as he was trying to fall asleep however he became frustrated as he realized that she really had the upper hand in this relationship. She had the power, the power he should have. She should have been the first one to cave in and beg forgiveness not him. He did nothing wrong, well except calling her a whore but he was after all provoked. How was he losing his grip? He felt week and he did not like it. Over the break as they spent time together, he would regain control again. She would be under his thumb and not the other way around.

Christmas Eve came round and the students boarded the train home. Sasha paced nervously in her room waiting for Severus. Finally she would be in his arms again tonight without interruption. It had been far too long and the secrecy and separation was tearing them apart. If only they could be together like a normal couple then she was sure she could ease his insecurities. He had after all nothing to worry about; mistrust was something he had been conditioned for his entire life. Now they would begin a new life, and she would make him feel safe enough to trust again.

Finally he arrived entering her room and shutting the door behind him. The candlelight danced over his features warming his expression. His countenance was quite serious tonight causing Sasha to worry that she had already done something wrong to draw his ire.

She approached him with a welcoming smile. "Good evening Severus, Merry Ch…" His lips consumed hers before she could finish. They devoured her with a hunger she hadn't felt before. His tongue forced entry into her mouth commanding full access while tracing every cavern. Winding his arms around her shoulders and waist he pulled her body against his with vice like force until she couldn't move and was completely under his power. Hypnotically he continued to kiss her feeling her bend to his will and become putty in his hands. Unable to stop he continued to ravage her soul until she whimpered and pulled her lips away from his.

"Severus, please, you're making me dizzy."

"I want you to be under my influence alone." Backing her towards the bed he continued to assail her lips with forceful abandon. He pushed her down on the bed and kissed her long and hard as she arched her back. "No one has ever made you feel like I do have they?"

"No." she gasped.

"No, nor will they. No one will make you feel like this, not Lestrange, or that infant Karkaroff. You belong to me. You submit only to me."

"Only you Severus." She moaned under veiled eyes nearly delirious under his touch. "I shall never want another."

"Open your eyes and look at me" She obeyed. "I don't ever want to see you with another man again." He snarled. "Don't even look at them. Do you understand me?"

"Yes."

With a flick of his wand they were naked and before she knew what was coming he thrust himself hard into her. The shock and ecstasy of his shaft pounding into her had her gasping and panting. This pleased him. He wanted her utterly at his mercy tonight. He thrust once more hard into her core with a grunt. "This is mine isn't it?"

"Yes."

Again he thrust, harder still. "Say it. Mine alone."

"Yes, yours alone."

"For my pleasure only." He dragged is cock out and then eased back into her with agonizing slowness.

"Yes Severus, do with me what you will."

"Oh don't worry, I intend to." He continued to tease her thrusting slowly in and out again. "You like it like this don't you?"

"Yes, as long as it pleases you." She moaned seemingly delirious with lust. That was all he wanted to hear. The submission of this normally independent woman was mind-blowing. Once again he felt she was back under his control, exactly where he wanted her, under his thumb, among other things.

"Oh it will please me for a very…very long time."

Sasha awoke in the middle of the night; worry keeping her from a full nights sleep as it frequently did these days. She admired his handsome face in the moonlight, so peaceful as he slept. It was a strong contrast to his behavior earlier in the evening, the demands, the roughness while electrifying were not his norm. He was always a bit of a Slytherin sadist but with playful undertones that made it fun. Tonight was different and disturbing, he was possessed. Perhaps she should have been angry to be treated like property but more than anything, if she was being honest with herself, it turned her on. She shifted her position and when she did his eyes snapped open, locking immediately on her own.

"Where are you going?"

"Nowhere just shifting my position."

"Good. You're like an addiction for me Sasha. When you're away from me for too long I start to come apart."

"That's not healthy. I'd rather be a vitamin than a drug. Something to enhance your life."

"Then view it as a hunger. Your absence affects me so. Mentally, physically like part of me is missing. You are part of me now."

Once again his lips claimed hers with the same violence as earlier. He rolled on top of her taking her wrists and pinning them down so he retained control as his hips ground seductively against hers. It was useless to fight back and Sasha didn't want to but this new feeling of powerlessness was disturbing. Part of her, perhaps her competitive side was annoyed by his quest for dominance. Then too, part of her enjoyed letting go of her will and being his love slave for the evening. It was like he was out for vengeance. This was the fifth time he would take her tonight. She was tired and sore but there was something blissfully erotic in obeying his every sexual wish and she gladly gave in to him again.

As quickly as he became forceful, he was once again gentle. His lips nuzzled against the soft flesh just under her jaw line. Languidly his tongue trailed up her chin before he rubbed his lower lip back and forth across her own.

"I love you Severus." Were the last words she spoke before he violently invaded her again.

_AN: You know sometimes you just have to let the man be the man…..or at least think he's "da man!" Expecting a little heat for this chapter as most of you were ticked at him after the last installment. Did you think she was too easy on him? Did she cave to early? Poor girl how can you stand your ground with those eyes and that voice? I would totally cave! Please leave your thoughts—they keep me motivated for more updates_


	87. Chapter 86 Deer in Headlights

CHAPTER EIGHTY-SIX

A Deer in Headlights

AN: Thank you for all the feedback this week; the good the bad and the ugly. I expected some heat for that last chapter but was surprised that some of you viewed their last encounter as a rape. That was not my intent so perhaps I was not clear in my writing. I do find it fascinating that we can all read the same thing and come away with such different views. I'm not going to tell you what to think about the plot line or defend it. ( I don't care for it when others tell me what to think about things I'm reading.) Everyone is entitled to his or her own interpretation. I will give fair warning though. It will get darker before the dawn…if there is a dawn (mwahaha). But don't look for hearts and flowers in these last few chapters.

Severus admired her in the morning light, which was terribly flattering for her. If he could win this war, he would wake up next to this witch every morning for the rest of his life. Her hair looked chunky and buttery like a child's. A thick wisp covered her cheek and he couldn't resist stroking it out of the way. Sandy blonde lashes splayed along her closed eyes, complementing the healthy glow of her complexion. She was not pale like Lucius. Hours of flying and otherwise being out of doors gave her a bit of healthy color.

He wondered how that part of her life would mesh with his own. She was the flier, the athlete. He was the scholar. He wouldn't ask her to give it up, but it wasn't something he personally wanted to devote time to. For one thing, he didn't like it. It wasn't productive and he didn't' see the point in such a frivolous use of time. Feeling this way, he had never bothered to practice and was just a passable flier at best. He was irritated beyond belief the night he and the Death Eaters chased the aurors over London. Sasha, Tonks, and the Lestrange brothers were exceedingly quick and agile fliers. Even in the face of grave danger, both Sasha and Rodolphus had the excitement in their faces that only comes from doing something you love. He was envious that this was a passion she shared with others and not with him. He hated that he wasn't as good at flying as Rodolphus, or Karkaroff, or Potter for that matter. If he had been a quidditch jock like Potter, would Lily have liked him better? He should have at least tried. He bristled at what a stupid kid he had been. If he wanted to keep Sasha, he would have to work on a way to "one-up" these empty headed Neanderthals.

As if she sensed tension in his body, Sasha's eyes opened her eyes and gazed dreamily at him. He wasn't sure how to read her expression. She looked confused, like she was trying to figure him out. Then suddenly her face seemed to compose itself into more placid lines. She put a hand on his cheek and snuggled her naked body against his under the covers.

"Good morning," she whispered before planting a feather soft kiss on his lips. "Did you sleep?" Goosebumps trailed down his arm as his body reacted to her touch.

"Yes, best night in months." It was true. He wasn't sure if it was the release, exhaustion, or just the feeling of physical closeness with her, but he felt more rested than he had in months.

"Mmm." The back of her fingers traced their way down his neck and then over the defined muscles of his chest and abdomen. He shuddered with the thrill of her hand grazing his groin before resting on his hip. How he craved this woman. The hold she had over him was hypnotic. His loins stirred at the thought of it.

"Severus what did you want to do today?"

Growling, he pulled her hips against his and sunk his teeth playfully into her neck.

"Stop!" Her laugh was nervous as she pushed him back, but he failed to notice her tone. "Your libido is running wild. If you don't manage some self control I won't be able to walk."

"Walking is overrated." He went for her neck again. "I thought you preferred a broomstick." He mumbled into her flesh as he nibbled his way to her earlobe.

"Ugh. Me on a broomstick is positively out of the question at the moment."

He paused for a moment, concern in his expression as he assessed how serious she was. Her not feeling up to more sex was the last thing he wanted. He reached behind him for his wand and then traced it down her back gently while chanting a healing spell. "All better?" He asked when he was done.

"Yes much." She said softly. "So does that spell heal everything?"

"What else hurts?"

They had so little time together, she didn't want to get into another argument that would make their time together unpleasant. She was desperate to get through this week alone with him without a fight. Unbeknownst to Severus, it was a bit of a litmus test for their relationship. So she let it go.

"Nothing. Just curious."

"Good." And then he went for her neck again.

"Stop!" She pushed him off again harder this time, and much to his dismay. "It's Christmas morning. Let's go for a walk in the snow together."

"What?" He whined. "It's bloody cold out!"

"Exactly, it will be great for us. Then we can come back inside and enjoy hot chocolate by the fire, maybe listen to some music and watch the snow fall outside. Then we can decide what we want for our Christmas feast."

He managed a half smile, hating to disappoint her. "We can do all of that but after dinner I'm afraid I must leave you for a while."

"Leave? Why?" Now she was whining. "Where are you going?"

"Duty calls."

"Duty calls? It's Christmas!"

"Don't be such a child Sasha, this is war. I can't just go on holiday." His tone was parental.

She hugged him and rested her head against his chest already dreading the separation. "Can I go with you?"

"Out of the question." He kissed her on the forehead, anxious to get out of this conversation. "Now get dressed and let's get out and enjoy the snow. I know you're dying to."

They spent the afternoon strolling around the grounds and enjoying the view of everything blanketed in freshly fallen snow. It was quiet as it always was after a snowfall. They spoke little, held hands; stole kisses and tossed the occasional snowball.

Later that evening as they sipped hot chocolate and warmed themselves by the fire. Severus found it harder than ever to tear himself away from her. They had enjoyed a very relaxing and easy day together. Yet somehow, he felt she was reserved with him, holding something back. It made him apprehensive about leaving but what he had to do could not wait. "Sasha I have to go."

"I know." She sighed heavily. "How long will you be away?"

"A few hours. It's not a particularly dangerous assignment so you needn't worry your pretty little head." He kissed the top of her head as he said this. Then he got an idea. "Come to my office. I want to show you something."

This made her laugh. "Really Severus, I think I've heard this line before."

"And you'll hear it again, but that's not what I had in mind. I just think you will like to see this." He grinned, knowing she was going to love the surprise. "Come on." He grasped her hand, and pulled her out of the room, across the hall and into his office.

They entered his office, and he approached Dumbledore's portrait, then moved it aside to reach something. With a grandiose flourish he pulled out the sword of Gryffindor and struck what he thought was a dashing fencing pose. The corners of his mouth turned down as he stifled a laugh thinking this a rather adolescent gesture trying to impress the girl. He was a grown man and they were engaged, so really there was no need to impress, but he still wanted to. She used to say he was her hero, and he wanted her to continue to think so. He adored it when she looked at him wide eyed with admiration, as she was doing this very moment.

"Is that what I think it is?" She asked while daring to touch it.

"The sword of Godric Gryffindor. Yes Professor Malfoy it is." Dumbledore's voice came from his portrait. "And now Professor Snape if you are quite through with your childish antics, we have work to do."

Severus narrowed his eyes, casting a sidelong look at the portrait.

"Now, do you remember what you are to do?"

"Yes, yes. Of course I do." He gave the sword another flourish and winked at Sasha earning a smile and a suppressed giggle.

"And Harry must not know it is you."

"Harry?" Sasha interrupted, but they ignored her.

"I know, I know." Severus snapped while lowering the sword. These portraits were blowing his rap. "And you still aren't going to tell me why it's so important to give Potter the sword?" He picked up his traveling cloak and Sasha helped him put it on.

"No, I don't think so. He will know what to do."

Sasha followed him closely as he approached the door. "Please be careful, darling." She straightened his collar and gave him a quick kiss. Severus smirked good naturedly at this gesture, which made him feel like he was just headed out for a day at some average office where noting particularly exciting ever happened.

"Don't worry my dear. I have a plan. Wait here for me."

Several hours dragged by as Sasha paced in the Headmasters office. The mood was tense and the portraits were not chatty. The only sound was the dreadfully tedious tick-tock of the clock. Dumbledore looked at the clock and seemed to be irritated that Severus had brought her there. She found herself staring at the portrait of Phineas Nigellus Black, great, great grandfather to Sirius and Regulus. While she could see the family resemblance with both brothers, he favored Regulus more strongly. Perhaps it was because his features were composed in such a serious expression. Regulus was always focused.

"Well, what are you looking at?" He spat at Sasha.

"Nothing much," she snarked while rolling her eyes like an obnoxious teenager.

"Still impertinent to your elders I see, much like that good for nothing Sirius."

"Pfft!" Sasha snorted, and walked over to the window. She was in no mood for his attitude. He was just like their mother. She looked at the clock for the hundredth time. Severus should have returned by now. As soon as she thought this, he came bursting through the door. His hair was peppered with snowflakes and windblown. As he crossed the room to greet her, his robes trailed behind him making him look terribly dashing. He hugged her tightly as the portraits besieged him with questions.

"Did he take the sword?"

"Yes." Severus gave a cocky smile to Sasha as she admired his nerve. The portraits erupted in cheers.

"Brilliant! But how did you accomplish this Severus?" Headmaster Black asked.

The smile quickly faded from his lips, and Severus suddenly looked nervous, like he didn't want to answer the question. "Yes Severus, tell us everything!" Sasha demanded. "I want to know every detail."

"Oh…it was nothing…really. I tossed the sword in the bottom of a pond in the forest, and Harry took it as he should under conditions of need and valor."

"The bottom of a pond? What kind of fool would jump into a pond in this weather?" Black continued to pry.

"No one, certainly not Harry. Severus would have to lead him." Dumbledore interjected. "But I am curious. Severus, how did you accomplish this without revealing yourself? Harry is not a gullible lad, and is certainly on his guard more than ever now. What could you possibly do to lure him into the water."

Sasha's sharp gasp stopped them all short as her fingers covered her mouth. His heart sank as he watched the thought become real in her mind. When she could finally verbalize her thoughts she choked as she spoke. "It was…your patronus."

Unable to look at her, his eyes closed as he nodded his head.

"Ah yes! Your doe patronus! That's genius Severus. Of course he would follow the image of his beautiful mother anywhere." Severus kept his eyes shut tight his breath heaving through his chest.

"What? Your patronus honors that Mud-blood?" Phineus whined.

"Do not use that word." He said coldly eyes still shut, terrified of looking at Sasha again. His jaw clenched, and he hoped against hope she would come to him, and put her arms around him but it wasn't happening.

"How wonderful that you were able to feel enough joy in this current situation to conjure a lovely patronus for him to follow. Really, Severus, this is touching." Former Headmaster Dippet put his idiotic two cents in. Severus was shaking, still with his eyes shut. _Why can't these fools just shut the hell up?_ Then he heard the most horrible thing of all, the click of the door as Sasha left the room.

Severus curtly answered all the questions from the portraits, but he couldn't focus on the conversation. What must be going through her mind right now? Again, he was a disappointment to her. And this was something about himself that he did not have the power to change. What if she could never accept it? His stomach was in knots. He had to talk to her, and as soon as he could break away, he ran to her quarters.

Prior to knocking on the door, he composed himself. If she thought he was out of sorts, it would only serve to escalate the situation. When he was ready, he knocked and waited, but there was no answer. He was impatient and used his wand to open the door.

Sasha was moving around the room with a purpose. Her trunks were out and open as she levitated items into them. He watched her, wide eyed, while she decidedly did not acknowledge him. It was his worst nightmare.

"What are you doing?" He whispered.

"Leaving." She replied flatly, still not looking at him.

"No." He still couldn't speak above a whisper. "No, Sasha you can't leave me. Not now."

"I can't stay." Her tone exhibited controlled anger, something he was a master at himself. "You're such a bloody hypocrite!" With a flick of her wand she slammed one trunk shut. "All this rubbish about 'you belong to me, you submit only to me,' I do belong to you, but who do you belong to Severus?" Finally she faced him, but her eyes were unsympathetic. "Tell me! Who? Lily? Riddle? Because it's certainly not me.

"It IS you!" He pleaded with her as he crossed the room to hold her but she pushed past him, and began levitating books off a shelf into another box.

"Stop lying to me." Her voice was starting to crack.

"I'm not lying!"

"Yes you are, you're lips are moving."

"Please, no. I can't help what my patronus is."

"I know you can't. That's what makes it so unbearable. You can't choose it. It's what's in your heart."

"It's not what's in my heart."

"Yes it is. I thought after all this time I could change your heart, but I'm a fool. I'll never make you happy."

"Happy? Happy?" Now he was getting angry. Again, he was on the defensive, and it irked him. "What does that word even mean? No I suppose I don't know what it means to be happy."

"There you have it then." Her cool tone only continued to incense him

"How can I possibly relax enough to be happy? It is a very harsh reality that one or both of us will not survive this, and it will happen very soon. Or worse yet what if we survive but we lose? What happens then? Do you ever think of that? Do you? I think about it constantly. I'll have to continue with this role, our lives will be under the control of the Dark Lord. What if he chooses you? Look at Rodolphus! What if that happens? How the bloody hell can anyone be happy under this crushing weight? I can't fucking BREATH!" He kicked over an end table sending the book that was lying on it skidding across the hearth. "Damnit!"

He put a hand over his eyes and paced across the room rubbing his forehead. His chest was heaving as he watched her pick up the table. When she picked up the book, she did not place it back on the table, but walked over to her suitcase and packed it. As he watched her continue to plan her exit, he began to come unglued. He had to stop her and grabbed her tightly by the shoulders.

"Why do I have to continually forgive all your ridiculous random flirtations but you can't forgive me for having my heart broken when I was fourteen?"

Sasha narrowed her eyes, and looked at his hands gripping her shoulders until he released her.

"Please, I can't continue with this fight if you leave me. I'm fighting for our future. For the life we can have together once this is over."

"What kind of life will that be for me Severus? It's more than a patronus; I've been kidding myself. I can't spend the rest of my life knowing I was your second choice, your plan B, the one you settled for. I should have known all along. I just can't be with you knowing that you're only with me because Lily's dead. Would you want to be with her if she was only with you because she couldn't have James?"

He was silent as he considered this. He was making a conscious effort to put himself in her shoes and process what she was saying on an intellectual level.

Sasha however didn't see it this way. For her, the answer was in his eyes and more importantly, in his hesitation.

"Oh," She gasped and shook her head barely able to speak. "Then you have no heart." She cried. "You're a stone cold bastard. You don't even know what love is. You understand obsession, sex, ambition, and revenge, but you're not capable of love."

"Damnit Sasha! How can you say that?" His booming voice reverberated through the room.

"How would you feel if my patronus was a Russian bear?" She was screaming loud now.

"Well it's not like I need to see a bear patronus to know what's going on there."

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"I hate seeing you with him. It KILLS me. It fucking KILLS me! Will you ever understand how I feel?"

"No, I won't, because you never tell me. I know how you feel about Lily, and James, and Harry, and Karkaroff, but you never talk about how you feel about me. Oh, unless, of course, you want to fuck me and then you're crystal clear."

He seethed and his tone was deathly calm. "Do not use that word about me or at me ever again. It's disgusting. I've never fucked you and I'm not about to start. I cherish every moment we are together. You know it's true don't you?"

She narrowed her eyes at him.

"Don't you dare act like a defiant adolescent with me Sasha Malfoy. Check your temper this instant and admit to me that you know every time we are together it's…well it's special."

Sasha sighed and looked at the ground. She couldn't look at him when she spoke. "Yes." She said softly. "Yes I know that Severus. My apologies for using such coarse language."

"Thank you. I think I deserve that much."

"Don't change the subject. You've told me a million times that Lily was your love and why you hate Potter for ruining your life. You tell me Ivan can't have me because I 'belong' to you. You tell me when you want sex but that could mean anything. You have never once…in all this time…told me that you love me."

"You know how I feel."

"I thought I did but I don't."

"I want to marry you."

"Why?"

Because we belong together."

"Why?"

Silence.

"You see? You can't say it, even now. I cant' do this anymore. We are just too different. It's not good enough to be your second choice. Your heart belongs to another and always has. I was a fool to think I could replace Lily."

"Damnit Sasha, you're so insecure! Why must it always come back to this?"

"Because it does! It's everything to me! I want you, that's it. I just love you, and I want you and nothing else. I don't want anything in my way, and I don't want to share you anymore."

"Don't want to share me? You think everything is so simple! You and your Griffyndor ideals, you think it's all hearts and flowers and happily ever afters, well it's not. Love is a bloody mess! A bloody mess! I've been to hell and back, and it's complicated. Damn! As many times as I've heard you say that to other men while you let them slobber all over you, and play grab ass I might add, I thought you understood what it meant."

She exploded on him with a vicious slap across his face.

But he held firm. His head barely moved other than to cock slightly to the side. "Truth hurts doesn't it?"

He wanted to say more but his forearm suddenly burned so hard he screamed in agony and clutched it. The searing burn dropped him to his knees and despite their argument Sasha was immediately by his side. .

"Severus, what is it? The mark?" He shook his head not able to speak as he winced in pain. She knelt down but he was already getting to his feet.

"I have to go." He choked through his emotional and physical misery.

"I know."

"I want to finish this discussion. Promise me you'll be here when I return."

"No Severus. Not this time. I've got to get out of here. I'm going back to New York."

"No. You're not going that far away from me by yourself. Absolutely not."

"I'm leaving Severus. You don't have a say in this."

They were interrupted by a knock at her door. She looked at him and he nodded indicating it was all right to answer. She opened the door to find Rodolphus who looked past her to Severus.

"Ready?" Lestrange asked with a dead expression.

"Yes." Severus crossed the room to follow Lestrange. Before he crossed the threshold he turned to her. "Promise me you will still be here when I return."

"I will."

But they both knew that was a lie. Sasha Malfoy had had enough.


	88. Chapter 87 Dread

CHAPTER EIGHTY-SEVEN

Dread

AN: So sorry for the late update. Massive site issues which I finally got around thanks to google. Lots of loose ends to wrap up in the next couple chapters before the "moment of truth." So please forgive the length of this chapter. WARNING: This chapter is very dark so if you aren't in the mood for it, don't read it. If you are…I hope you like it

The annual New Years Eve Ball at Malfoy Manor was lacking the charming elegance of years past. The usual guests were present but they looked rougher, older, and haggard. Narcissa worked tirelessly to create an event pleasing to the Dark Lord but despite her best effort and natural talent for planning grand events, it wasn't the same. There was an absence of merriment. No one was in the mood for it. This year's event was a macabre substitute for the parties of days gone by. Severus watched as she fussed over the flower arrangements and fine china place settings on the table. He watched as Lucius, looking thin and tired, approached his wife with forlorn expression. She gazed up at him with watery eyes and managed a weak smile. He touched her cheek and bent to kiss her, then whispered something into her ear. She leaned into him and he held her close for a moment.

A broken hearted Severus watched them. Now that he fully understood this kind of emotion, he grieved for their situation, and also his own. It wasn't so long ago that he and Sasha shared New Years Eve together in this very room. He vividly recalled every detail, the style of her dress, the graceful curve of her bare neck and the way her body melted into his when he kissed her. "Severus." The breathless sound of her voice whispering his name in his ear, haunted him. He became entranced blinking slowly, trying to picture the interlude on the veranda one more time.

"BUUUUURRRP!"

He was jolted out of his musings by a loud and revolting belch coming from behind him, and turned to see the formerly elegant Rodolphus Lestrange, drunk, eyes bloodshot, and unsteady on his feet.

"Disgusting isn't it?" He tried to square his shoulders, but rather than make him look regal, it caused him to lose his balance and he staggered slightly. "Not what it once was eh?" He slurred while gesturing broadly across the room causing half the liquor in his glass to spill on the floor.

Severus felt the muscles in his back tense. His well-honed intuition told him this was not going to end well tonight. "Watch the drinking Lestrange. You're not at Hogwarts tonight, you are in the presence of the Dark Lord, and he won't put up with your insolence."

"Phfft! What's he going to do?" He snorted. "Fuck my wife? Oh that's right. He already is." He laughed nervously.

Severus snatched the glass of firewhiseky away from Lestrange and handed him the soda water he'd been drinking himself. "Do not be disrespectful to the Dark Lord. It won't be tolerated."

"Oh look at you, his lackey." Rodolphus was obviously looking for a fight tonight, but before he could pick it with Severus, they were interrupted by Voldemort entering the grand ballroom with Bella shuffling in ten paces behind him. Despite her subservient posture the looked very much like the Lord and Lady of the manor. It was humiliatingly obvious to everyone that Lucius and Narcissa now had no position in the house. Voldemort had staked his claim, and the estate was no longer truly theirs.

Voldemort took what should have been Lucius' seat at the head of the table. Bella sat on his right. Severus locked eyes with Lucius who helped him guide Lestrange to a seat at the far opposite end of the table. Distance was necessary. Despite their efforts to distract their friend into conversation, he remained silent and did not eat. He stared eerily at his wife, now Voldemort's mistress and flaunting it.

Immediately following the agonizingly long dinner he waited for an opportunity to approach his wife. He lurked in the shadows on the fringes of the gathering, watching her, and watching him. As soon as Voledmort was a few steps away from her, the broken hearted Rodolphus crossed the room to be with his wife, and began what would become his undoing.

He touched her gently on her sleeve, pleading with his eyes. "Why are you doing this Bella? Please tell me he's forcing you. It's okay." She merely sneered while raising her eyebrows at him. "This can't be you. Are you cursed? We are all loyal to him but I can't believe you love him in that way." The words he'd been dying to say for months poured out of him while he was under the influence.

"What's this? Disbelief?" Voldemort hissed while slithering up behind him. "You dare to think she would prefer you to me? Look at yourself. Drunken, slobbering mess, completely unworthy." Rodolphus cringed under this chastisement. He looked down, eyes darting across the floor, anywhere but at the Dark Lord.

Ever the sadist, Voldemort slithered closer but rather than bowing to cross Lestrange's line of sight, he used his wand to jerk his head up. "Oh yes, you married far over your head my friend. She is certainly a…passionate thoroughbred." He growled. "She belongs to me now. Get used to it."

Voldemort turned quickly to glide out of the room robes floating behind him. Rodolphus stared after him, dumbfounded. Severus breathed a sigh of relief but couldn't believe his eyes. Rodolphus had just received a gift, a pass for his disrespectful behavior. It was nothing short of a miracle. There would be no further trouble tonight as the Dark Lord would be otherwise engaged with his conquest.

As he floated out of the room Voldemort snapped his fingers and Bella scurried like a mouse to his side, her eyes wide and burning with excitement. He grabbed her wrist roughly as he led her out of the room.

"Bella no!" Rodolphus wailed, covering his eyes as he collapsed on the floor. Everyone turned towards this outburst including the Dark Lord.

_Idiot! You blew it. _Severus wanted to shake the hell out of this man. He had no idea what hell was about to rain down on him. This was proof positive that love clouded judgment.

Bella turned with an evil smirk and whispered into Voldemort's ear causing him to grin evilly. He glared at the man crumpled on the floor.

"Mulciber! Wormtail! Bring him." Voldemort's head snapped in their direction. The two Death Eaters didn't miss a beat and immediately grabbed the now struggling and fighting Lestrange. Mulciber's face was cold and unreadable as always. Wormtail's pudgy red face was positively slobbering with sleazy anticipation. Severus would later swear he saw the miserable toady smile.

"What? Let me go." The terror in the normally commanding voice of Rodolphus made Severus feel physically ill as he watched them drag him out of the room. He fought and screamed as they forced him up the stairs behind Voldemort and Bella. It seemed to take forever to get him up the stairs and out of sight. No one moved to help him. Everyone stood gaping at the horrific sight.

There was a silence that seemed endless. The guests below stood listening for what would come next but not daring to look at one another. Then the blood curdling cries from Rodolphus began. They could all hear his screams of agony and pleading as well as the unmistakable crack and vibration of curses hurling about the upstairs rooms.

Crabbe and Goyle were the first ones to usher their wives out of the house and other guests quickly followed suit until only Lucius, Narcissa, Greyback and Severus remained. Lucius waved his wand across the room clearing it of all traces of celebration and then pulled Narcissa out of the room as well.

"So, Severus it comes down to this." Greyback snarled. "He takes our youth, then our souls, now our women. Rubbish!"

"Watch your tongue Fenrir. Or he may take one of your bitches next." Severus snarled at him even though he was in total agreement.

Fenrir growled back, but Severus was already turning to leave. He had had enough. It was 1am and he was exhausted. He decided to go back to Hogwarts and desperately hoped to find Sasha there. He physically craved her at the moment but a nagging fear told him he would be spending the evening alone.

After their argument, Sasha had apparated to her apartment in New York. She went to her bedroom and casting blackout charms over the windows, collapsed into her bed and cried. She had no idea how long she cried but continued to do so until she slept. She cycled in and out of consciousness not knowing if it was day or night and not caring. Finally she got up to go to the loo. When she entered the bathroom she looked at the tub and started to cry. Beside the tub sat two empty water bottles reminding her of the incredible encounter with Severus over the summer. The mirror was still in place facing the tub, reminding her how he made love to her that night. He told her she was beautiful. He begged her to watch. How could it have all been a lie? It felt so right. She vanished the bottles with her wand and began to cry again. Then she went back to bed and lost consciousness again.

When she awoke again her head was splitting. She decided it was lack of food and caffeine so went to the kitchen to remedy the situation. How long had she been asleep? She flipped on the telly to check the time. It was ten am but holy shit, it was December 28th. No wonder she was starving. She flipped off the telly and conjured herself a large coffee. With her cup she walked outside on the terrace and into the biting New York cold. This had to be one of the windiest places in the world. The air ripped between buildings like the wind in a canyon. It helped to wake her up and clear her head a bit. She wondered what Severus was doing now. Did he even realize that she was gone yet?

She was feeling conflicted. Part of her wanted him to come after her, find her, beg forgiveness. But the larger part of her wished to hell she'd never laid eyes on Severus Snape. Then she wouldn't feel as rotten as she did. Then she would probably be married to some nice wizard. Maybe they would have a family and live in the country and she would be up right now cooking breakfast for everyone and breaking up spats between children like Molly Weasley always did. Or maybe he would be the sort that didn't want a family and they would travel together and he would teach her things about the world. They would be in bed together now snuggling over their coffee and reading The Daily Prophet. But no, here she was, alone with her wasted heart and shivering. Feeling depressed, she shuddered, walked back inside and wandered aimlessly about the flat. It was doing her no good to be here alone. Since Tonks had announced her pregnancy Sasha had barely seen her so she decided to pay her a visit. She needed to be around people so she went to make herself more presentable for traveling.

The trip was a mistake however. What she thought would make her feel better, made her feel far worse. Tonks was radiant midway through her pregnancy and showing in a lovely manner. Remus was sweet and attentive to Tonks in their warm and cozy home. They were so focused on each other Sasha felt like the third wheel. So on New Years Eve, she decided to move on, perhaps to London, perhaps back to America, anywhere but here. As she put on her coat to leave Remus came to say his goodbye.

"Heading back to Hogwarts?" Remus asked.

"No. I've resigned." She said dismissively, while buttoning her coat.

"What? You can't resign." Already Sasha didn't like where this was going. She couldn't get out of there fast enough.

"I already have."

"Take it back. As an Order member you have a responsibility to protect those students. You swore to do so." Merlin, Remus could be so preachy.

"Any parent with any sense won't send their kids back after break when they hear what's been going on there. Besides, if Voldemort wants to destroy that place and everyone in it, there isn't a damn thing, you or I or anyone else can do about it." Sasha buttoned up her coat as quickly as she could, anxious to get out of there.

"This is about Severus isn't it?"

"Don't be ridiculous that's been over for ages."

"Then why are you giving up?"

"I no longer find this situation winnable." She rolled her eyes.

"So you're going to leave the school and not defend it? Not defend the students? Not defend Severus?" He added that last question just to irritate her.

"Severus doesn't need me. He's spent a lifetime making that perfectly clear."

"Ah, ha. As I thought."

"He's a big boy. He can take care of himself." Sasha stalked out and apparated to the Three Broomsticks. She needed a drink and badly. Remus was one hundred percent right, and it was infuriating. She couldn't leave those students, or the staff, or Severus. It was over, that was certain. However she would still do anything to keep him from harm. She was realizing that her choices were limited and she would be stuck returning to Hogwarts. The thought of it made her thirsty.

She entered The Three Broomsticks scowling and not looking at anyone. The bar was crowded but she didn't see anyone she knew. It was a very different crowd in Hogsmeade these days. That suited her just fine. She wanted to be anonymous. She grabbed the first open stool at the bar and ordered a firewhiseky. As soon as the drink was set before her, she heard a familiar voice over her shoulder.

"Firewhiseky? It's New Year's Eve. We'll have a bottle of your most expensive champagne." Ivan's dark exotic voice would have made any other witch swoon, but Sasha cringed. He kissed her on the cheek before she could jerk away from him. "You look as gorgeous as ever my dear."

"Merlin, give me strength." She sighed.

He narrowed his eyes. "Now what kind of greeting is that?"

"If you want another greeting, find another witch." She waved him away with the back of her hand.

The champagne arrived and he uncorked the bottle sending the cork flying across the room at an unsuspecting goblin, and ricocheting off his head. Ivan laughed and smiled at her but got no reaction in return.

"You're in a foul temper tonight."

Sasha continued to ignore him and worked on her firewhiseky.

"I don't see the grim reaper lurking around. Let me guess. You two must have had another spat."

"Mind your own fucking business." She snapped. _Grim reaper indeed. He thinks he's so amusing._

The smile faded from his face and he stared at her blankly. Her heart sank. Why did he have to be so nice?

"I'm sorry Ivan. That was very rude of me."

"It's all right," he sighed. It isn't my business. You just look sad tonight. He's usually the cause of your sadness."

She tried to change the subject. "What are you doing here anyway? Shouldn't you be in Russia with your family?"

"I come here for the strudel." Ivan shrugged. "It's great."

Her eyebrows shot up. "Strudel?"

"Mmhmm. So why are you dateless on a major holiday? And how can I fix that?" He moved closer to her.

"Can you just leave me alone?" She snapped, now completely exasperated. This was like a bad dream.

"I've been thinking about that and no, I can't. Enough of your resistance on the Russian front. Let's dance." He grabbed her hand and started to pull her to the dance floor.

"Don't touch me!" She raised her voice, and violently jerked her hand from his. He stared at her in shock.

"What did he do to you?"

"Nothing I didn't deserve. I've been so foolish Ivan." She began to sob into her drink, and then downed the rest of it in an attempt to steady herself.

"Don't talk like that Detka." He opened his arms hoping she would come to him but not wanting to force her. She looked up at him, eyes rimmed with tears about to spill over. He motioned to her to come to him with his hands and smiled softly. "Come on."

She fell into his strong arms as the tears flowed freely. He held her gently and kissed the top of her head. "Shhhh, Sasha. It's OK. You can tell me what happened later." He stroked her hair and gently rocked her back and forth. His large hands were rubbing her back as he continued to whisper in her ear. There was something very familiar about this scene. Sasha felt like she was experiencing déjà vu.

"Shhhhh, I'm here now. I'll take care of you Sasha. Shhhhh." Just like Igor, he could be so comforting. She pulled away so she could look at him. Something about those beautiful brown eyes was drawing her in but she didn't know what. This just didn't feel right.

"Ivan?" She wanted to ask him something. Something. But she didn't know what.

Abruptly, he then seemed to turn off his emotions, as he was prone to do when things got too thick for him. "Let's get some air." He tossed a wad of money on the table and grabbed the bottle to take with him. Sasha put her coat back on and they left to walk the deserted streets of Hogsmeade. They walked for a block in silence. Then Ivan had to ask. "So what has happened between you and Severus?"

She shot him a nasty look, and then decided he wouldn't let her change the subject. She might as well give in. "It's over."

"Really?" He tried to contain his excitement but he was grinning from ear to ear. "What did he do?" He took a swig of champagne and handed her the bottle, obvioiusly enthralled with the story so far. She took a very long drink before answering.

"It's not what he did, it's what I did. I fell in love with someone who is incapable of loving me in return. I've wasted my life on him. I tried to change him to save him from himself. It can't de done."

"I know the feeling." He snatched the bottle back and now it was his turn to take a long drink.

"Oh Merlin, Ivan I'm sorry." She really was. "I always say the wrong thing."

"Detka, you know if I could change this for you I would. I hate seeing you like this. Would you like me to talk to him?"

"Phfft! No!" She snorted. "It won't do any good. Oh he wants me. No doubt about it. If he was here now he's hex you, berate me for whoring around then tell me he 'needs' me. He'd plead with me until I gave in. I probably would too."

"Then what's the problem?"

"In all his pleading, he'll never say he loves me. I used to think he was just shy, then I thought he was neurotic and he'd come around, but I was wrong. He doesn't love me. He never did. I was just the first girl he'd ever slept with, some trophy he could fuck whenever he wanted."

Ivan was silent for a long time. She had just crushed his heart and she didn't even know it. How could such a remarkable woman let a man who didn't love her touch her? The idea of Snape receiving such a gift and not appreciating it appalled him. How could she waste herself on this unappreciative bookworm? What was wrong with him?

She noticed his silence but misinterpreted it. "I'm sorry. My language is terrible when I'm angry."

"What makes you think he doesn't love you?"

She turned to face him."Do you know what his patronus is? It's the embodiment of Lily Evans."

"Harry's mother?"

"Yes."

Ivan smirked at her. "Sasha, that doesn't mean he still loves her."

"Oh, Bugger! Whose side are you on?"

"I'm not taking sides. It's basic patronus theory."

"No it isn't."

"It absolutely is. Your curriculum is weak at Hogwarts. Look she may be a part of a very happy memory but that doesn't mean he doesn't' love you now. Love can make you quite miserable. Trust me. I know."

"I should never have told you."

"You know I'm right. Look at that poor bugger over there." He nodded down the street. " Drunk as a buzzard and all alone on New Years Eve. Probably broken hearted about some witch who's with another man tonight.

Sasha looked at the end of the block and saw a man leaning against a building coughing and wailing. He looked like a wounded animal but there was something familiar about him. She squinted in the darkness but couldn't see his face so she softly approached the sound.

"Sasha, leave him be. You don't know him."

Sasha ignored him. Something was drawing her to this man. As she got closer she saw he was wearing Death Eater robes. He was exhausted and slid down the wall until he was on the ground on his hands and knees. His shoulders shook as he struggled to crawl into the alley. His cries were bordering on hysterics and stopped only when he coughed and gasped for air. Death Eater or not, this person desperately needed help so she ran towards them but not before drawing her wand just in case. Just as she reached him his arms and legs gave way and he hit the bricks face first, still howling but now she could understand him. "Bella." He sobbed.

"Oh Merlin! Ivan help me!" She quickly tried to roll him over but only got him to his side before he curled into the fetal position still sobbing. "What's happened Rodolphus? Talk to me. It's Sasha. I'll help you. "Talk to me."

"He forced me. I didn't want to." He shook his head violently. "I tried to ignore them. I let him have her. I was loyal. I turned a blind eye even when they ceased to be discreet. I was loyal!" He was obviously disturbed and not in his right mind but she had a grim feeling she knew what he was trying to say.

"Oh no." Ivan groaned sounding like he knew exactly what was going on.

She lowered her face till she was almost on the ground but could see him eye to eye. "Forced you do to what?"

He grimaced. Shutting his eyes while his lips trembled. He shook his head not wanting to verbalize his shame.

"Rudy, what happened? What did you have to do?"

"To watch." He spoke softly but then began to shriek his words. "He made me watch them. Together. While he…while they…she enjoyed it." He broke completely and wailed loudly as Sasha covered his body with hers trying to hug a man in pain. She wanted so much to be able to comfort this lost soul but what could anyone say to him that could possibly help in such a moment? She put her head down on his back and held his body while he shook in anguish.

"Oh Rudy, I'm so sorry."

"I can't believe this is happening."

"Me neither. But we have to get you out of here. We have to hide you. You're in bad shape."

"Leave me alone. Just let me die. Right here, my life is worth nothing."

"No Rudy, you're coming with us."

"Sasha, are you insane? He's a marked man. We can't take him anywhere."

"I'm helping him Ivan." She hissed like a protective cat. "If you're not, then I'll do it myself."

"Fine. I'm going on record now saying this is a bad idea."

"Great, I'll put that on your tombstone now help me."

"Rudy, we'll get you back to Hogwarts and then I'll find Severus. He'll know what to do."

"No. Not Severus." Rudy said weakly.

"It will be fine. He'll help you if I ask him to." She put one arm tight around him and held Ivan's hand with the other, then apparated them just outside the gates of Hogwarts near Hagrid's.

Severus entered Sasha's quarters hoping with all his heart to find her there, but knew in his mind that he would not. As usual his mind was correct. The room was stripped of all her possessions, all her mementos, photographs that normally littered the wall. The only thing remaining was the faint scent of her perfume, and the memory of that last horrible argument.

His eyes swept across the room for some kind of sign from her, some shred of hope. Then he spotted an envelope addressed to him on her writing desk. He nearly tripped over his own feet running to grab it. Frantically he ripped it open and when he did, and object fell out of the envelope and hit his foot. It bounced off, and rolled across the floor.

"No." He groaned, not wanting to believe it. Slowly now he read her too brief communication.

Severus,

I wish this could have ended differently. Enclosed is your ring that I can no longer wear in good conscience.

Sasha

"No. No. No." He crumbled the not and shoved it into his pocked and then bent to retrieve his grandmother's ring. He slouched into the chair next to the desk. He turned the ring over in his fingers, staring blankly at it. How could she do this to him? How could she be so cold as to leave him when they were so close to winning? After all she'd said to him about love, and devotion, and all her pleading with him to trust her. He felt jilted. He felt lied to. Then he began to feel angry, really angry, and pounded his fist down hard on the table.

The door flying open behind him startled him.

"Sasha!" His heart leapt at the sight of her entering the room but quickly sank as Ivan entered behind her carrying the limp body of Rodolphus Lestrange.

"What the? Where the hell did you find him? Who saw you?"

Ivan answered for her. "In the alley by The Three Broomsticks. He's been cursed by the Dark Lord."

"I know THAT." Severus hissed at him. What did this moron think he could tell him with his pretty boy hair and his broken English? "I was there you imbecile."

Sasha gasped and they both stared at him.

"Yes, it's true. This was done at your family home in the room that probably belonged to your parents at one time."

She continued to stare blankly at him.

"Well I wouldn't expect YOU to know that. Our carousing as usual rather than doing something useful."

"Watch it Snape." Ivan moved towards him with an aggressive posture.

"Shut it! Both of you." Sasha was in no mood for their antics. "Look can you help him or not. If you can't, tell me now and I'll take him to St. Mungos."

"Don't be stupid." He pushed her aside. "You can't take him there. He'll be arrested." With that Severus set to work.

The wounds were extensive. Severus chanted over him for nearly an hour while Sasha and Ivan paced about the room in silence. Finally he spoke to her. "His flesh is healing but I'm afraid I can't heal the worst of the damage. His heart and his mind, well only time may do that."

"Thank you Severus. Looks like he's stable. Ivan and I can take it from here."

"Is that so?" He was astonished at how quickly he was being replaced. "I'm just sent on my way and you don't think we need to discuss this?" He produced the ring and held it up in front of her, not caring what Ivan saw or thought.

"No, I don't. I'm done."

"Done?" His lips formed a tight line, as he glared at her.

"Done."

"You said you loved me."

"I did. Now I just dread you."

Severus had no argument for that. Of course she dreaded him. He dreaded himself. He could offer her nothing. He could only bring her down. He closed his eyes and nodded. Then, with as much dignity as his wretched soul could muster, he exited the room.

Sasha had forgotten Ivan was even in the room. "That didn't sound like either of you are done."

"Well, we are and if your going to be so nosey you can bugger off home too."

"And that's my cue." He rose to leave. "I'll be staying in Hogsmeade if you need me. I'll make sure to let you know if I hear any useful intelligence."

"Thanks Ivan."

"Mmm." He mumbled as he left the room.

Sasha sat down at Rudy's side. She felt his head and it was warm so she conjured a damp cloth and placed it on his forehead. "Good thing you're unconscious Rudy or you'd probably be mad at me too."

AN: Sniff-raining on the east coast today which suits the mood of this chapter. Sorry if I haven't responded to a PM this week, for some reason they are dropping in my email but not showing on my ff inbox. Weird. Thanks so much to Wendy Waddles and Jamberine for being such supportive friends and getting me through a rough spot in the story. You are both keeping me inspired:)

Quick poll-for the Igor Story-would you rather see him with and OC or Mme Rosemerta (a little younger) just checking...


	89. Chapter 88 Cloak and Dagger

CHAPTER EIGHTY-EIGHT

CLOAK AND DAGGER

On the night of his birthday Severus was unable to sleep and taking comfort in a glass of brandy while he stared out the window of the Headmasters office. It was very late and the portraits were sleeping. Finally, he had some peace. In the dead of night, his mind raced in many directions, but at least he had other things to think about besides being dumped by Sasha, or the wondrous night they spent together exactly one year ago tonight. That memory was far too painful.

This war would come to a head very soon but now there were more variables than he could have predicted. He thought about the scene he had witnessed at Malfoy Manor. Voldemort was surely drunk with power if he thought this wouldn't shake people into reconsidering their loyalties. Together or not there was no way in hell would he ever let that happen to he and Sasha. He would die first. _Damn, why does my mind always come back to that witch?_

As if he didn't have enough to worry about, his stomach was in knots over their broken engagement. He walked back to his desk and sat down, slouching over the desk. He pulled the ring out of his pocket and turned it over in his fingertips. Would she ever wear it again? Here he had been wildly obsessed with pushing thoughts of all other men out of her mind, while the very core of him, the very small joyous part that could generate a fully formed patronus, belonged to another. As long as that part of him remained shackled to Lily's memory, he could never be the man she deserved. He loved Sasha, that he was sure of, but there was something holding him back. Maybe she was right. Maybe he should just let her go. Maybe it wasn't fair to give her hope of having all of him. No, that was not an option. To hell with fairness. Life wasn't fair. He could never let her go. Yet why did Lily's memory still stick to him? He felt like one side of his body was covered in leaches and sucking the life out of him. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't pull them off.

There was a soft knock at the door. _Oh please let that be her._

It was. Severus sighed with relief and smiled weakly at her. "Sasha, I knew you wouldn't forget."

"Forget what?" She asked feigning ambivalence, with harshness in her tone and manner.

His face fell, at this embarrassing slip. He felt a flush creeping up his neck and deeply regretting touching brandy tonight. Had he not indulged, this flush wouldn't betray him.

"Oh right. Yeah. Happy Birthday." Sasha tried to sound detached though she now felt an enormous lump in her throat. Last year, their first night together, how she wished she could go back in time to relive that exquisite night.

His defensive emotional walls went up instinctively, like an animal. "Well what is it? I'm very busy." He stood aside and allowed her to enter the room.

"Yes I'm sure you're under a deadline to empty that brandy bottle." She cocked her head towards the bottle on his desk. "So, I'll be brief. What are we going to do about Rudy?"

It would never cease to infuriate him the way she gave endearing nicknames to other men. 'Rudy.' That conniving, rabid, rat of a man, he didn't deserve common civility much less terms of endearment. "You mean Lestrange?" he snorted. "Already done. I've told the Dark Lord that he is here at the castle and repentant…for his…sins. If he will fight for the Dark Lord's side when the time comes, and if he proves his value, he may be spared…but I am doubtful."

"Oh, well, it appears you have it all under control then. You don't need me."

She turned to go but he grabbed her arm purely on impulse. "Yes I do." He hesitated. He had not planned this outburst and didn't know what to say next. "I…I need you… so, so much."

"Severus please, don't." She turned her face away from him knowing she would cave in if he pressed her.

But he was undeterred. "Please tell me you at least understand my agony now? Do you see why I'm so protective of you? Why I don't want anyone to notice you or you to become so much as a spec on the Dark Lord's radar. This could happen to anyone. It will happen to anyone if he is not stopped."

"I understand." She mumbled, still not looking at him.

"It's not just petty garden variety jealousy that drives me to behave the way I do." It was only about half true, and he knew it, but he would have said anything in that moment. "I'm concerned that you could find yourself in a situation you can't get yourself out of, like before with Barty. Is this proof enough for you?"

"Yes." She nodded knowing she would have to get out of there fast or lose her resolve.

"Being seen with Lestrange would draw attention from Bella and hence the Dark Lord." He scolded her like a child, just as Lucius would have. "Further, if trouble comes don't count on Lestrange to help you. Cowardly bugger, he was always running off to hide the moment real trouble comes. No if that day comes my dear, it will be I alone who jumps in to save you. Not Lucius, not Ivan, not Rodolphus only me."

Sasha continued to look down slowly shaking her head in shame under his admonishment. Severus lifted her chin gently.

"And I would do it whole heartedly." His dark eyes held her teary gaze. "I would lay down my life for you without so much as a blink of an eye."

She believed him. She always believed him. She believed with absolute certainty that he would put himself in harms way for her, that he wanted to marry her, and that he had her best interest at heart when he became furious about other men. He knew he was best for her. She knew it too. Why couldn't that be enough for her? Was hearing I love you and knowing she was the only one too much to ask? She had to get out of there before she became weak and started this vicious circle all over again.

"I have to go."

His shoulders slumped. "Please stay, just a little longer."

She shook her head looking at the floor again and biting her lip. "I can't. Rudy's still so weak."

"Too hell with him. He'll be fine for a few hours. I need you more than he does."

"Severus no. I can't do this anymore."

He paced across the room, becoming increasingly frantic. "Do you even remember last year?"

"I'm trying to forget it." She might just as well have stabbed him in the heart. He ran back across the room. "Trying to forget it? How can you say that?" He grabbed her shoulders roughly, making her face him. "I'll never forget it."

His rough handling hardened her heart once again. "Take your hands off me!" She jerked out of his grasp, finally finding her backbone. "I'm sick to death of being the runner up, the one that fulfills the winners duties in the event she is not able to."

"It's not like that. Don't be flippant. This is a very serious matter to me."

She put a hand up to stop him. Then she took a deep breath before she spoke again. "I have to go. Rudy needs to take his potion."

Severus composed himself, regretting his outburst. When he spoke again, it was in his normally condescending tone. "Don't lead him on Sasha. He'll be dangerous when you hurt him…as you do…everyone."

Sasha winced. That comment wounded her, but she wouldn't dare let him know. "I'll ignore your intellectually stunted editorial. He's far too broken to even look at another woman. You should understand that concept. You invented it."

"Sasha I miss you."

Still he couldn't say what she needed to hear.

"You _miss_ me?" She rolled her eyes and waved both hands in anger. That's all you have to say? You _miss_ me?" She was raving mad and loud, causing some of the portraits to stir.

"Yes." He said softly, ashamed of cowardice. _Say it you stupid git! What's the matter with you? _ He sputtered and took a deep breath but his hesitation was apparently too long for her.

"Well…at least you have your patronus to keep you company."

Sasha was shaking and breathing hard as she crossed the corridor to her quarters. She took a deep breath to compose herself and took great care opening the door to her quarters so as not to disturb Rudy who should have been asleep by now. He had remained there since he returned, growing a little stronger each day but he was still not fully recovered. He was lying on the bed, huddled in the fetal position. It would be one more night on the couch for Sasha. Wearily she went to the loo and changed into her pajamas, utterly depressed after her conversation with Severus. When she returned to the room she heard him crying softly. It always scared her to hear a man cry, and this one was crying a lot these days. Her father never cried, nor did Lucius or Sirius or Regulus. Severus had come close on occasion and it always bothered her, for she relied on him to be the steady one. It was old fashioned and not logical to feel that way, she knew. She always figured it was just a pureblood trait, part of the culture. However, here was Rodolphus Lestrange, pureblood as they come, trying to hold back and failing. Well, if any man had something to cry about, it was he. She crept over to his bedside wanting to comfort him but unsure how to do that and still maintain appropriate boundaries. Too many outbursts from Severus were starting to condition her into thinking that way now. It was probably a modification that was long overdue.

He was perspiring excessively as he did every night, presumably a side effect of the emotional trauma he had experienced. His thick ebony hair was stringy and damp against his head. His hands clenched and released into fists and the scars on his hands faded from red to almost white as he did. He sniffed and turned his head to wipe his nose on Regs' old Slytherin sweatshirt that Sasha loaned to him. When he turned, he noticed her staring at him and abruptly cleared his throat, obviously embarrassed at being seen in such a state.

She sat down on the bed, and lightly placed her hand on his shoulder. "Shh. It's over now."

"No." He rolled over on his back and looked up at her. His face was drenched in tears and his eyes were bloodshot. He bore little resemblance to the debonair young aristocrat she remembered from years ago. Bella had done this to him, nearly ruined him. _Bitch. _ "No, it will never be over." He said flatly. "I know him. I know her. It will continue, this torture. It's sport for them. I mean nothing. Nothing to her. I wonder if I ever did."

"Of course you did." She was lying of course. Bella never did have a normal person's capacity for love. However what else could she say to this man? "War does horrible things to people. Here sit up and take your potion."

"I don't think it's war that's doing this to her." He groaned while pushing himself up to lean back on his elbows. "She was always a social climber."

"She's a Black, Rudy. How much higher can you climb?" Immediately she wished she hadn't said that. She should just let him believe what he wanted to believe. What did it matter anyway?

He downed his potion and handed the vial back to her. "The Dark Lord would be the pinnacle of the social ladder, don't you think?"

"I don't, but I can see where she would."

"It's not going to end you know. She's with him for good now."

Something about this emotionally destitute man made her angry. She was angry enough to fight again. Look at all the lives this monster was destroying. Granted Rodolphus got himself into this mess but it still pained her to see another human being in such suffering. Maybe it was un-winnable as she told Remus, but better to die trying than for all of them to live like this. 'Go down swinging' as Sirius always said. He was right. She couldn't live in a world that permitted such misery. The Dark Lord was killing them all slowly whether they knew it or not. She felt as bad as he looked. "You're right Rudy. It won't end unless you do something to end it."

"What do you expect me to do?" He hissed turning away from her. "He's too powerful. I can't end it. You see what he did to me."

"One person can't stop him, but we have an army. Join us Rudy. Help the Order. We can kill him. We can win. Then no one will have to endure this hell." Speaking of hell, she knew she would catch hell from Remus for inviting Ivan into the circle, but there had to be a way. Surely he could be useful.

"Bella is doing more than enduring it. She loves him. I can see it in her eyes. She used to look at me that way." He choked and then cleared his throat again.

"I know you're devastated, but you can't fix her Rudy." She stroked his hair even though it was sweaty and unpleasant to the touch. "However if you love her you can save her from him. You know as well as I do, one day he will tire of her and move to someone new. He's not capable of loving her like you do. She doesn't realize it now but one day she'll be expendable and he'll kill her. If you help us, you might save her from herself. She is surely on a path to destruction"

"Who's going to save me?" He stared out the window and fumbled with the edge of the blanket sounding utterly despondent.

"Only you can save yourself. Which leads me to another matter, I spoke to Severus tonight. He told the Dark Lord you were here, and repentant for your sins. He agreed to spare you in hopes that you would fight for him when this all comes to a head, wherever and whenever that may be."

"Why would Severus do that for me?"

"I told him you regretted your actions. He believed me. Plus he needs you here and on his side." Lie after lie was coming out of her mouth tonight. She sickened herself thinking how easily it came to her. "If you continue as you have, he may spare your life."

"Thank you Sasha. You're a good person."

"Here, take your potion like a good boy. Get some sleep. Think about what I've said. And quit wiping your nose on Reg's shirt. It's one of my favorites."

As the next few weeks dragged on Rudy slowly grew stronger and was finally strong enough to walk with the assistance of a cane. It was then that Sasha stopped bringing him meals in the room, which forced him to go to the Great Hall if he was hungry. Within the first few days she had to vanish all the liquor in her room knowing his penchant for drowning his sorrows. A drunk Rodolphus was more than she wanted to handle. Despite the dry conditions, he rarely chose to leave the confines of her room, preferring to alternate between a succession of naps and staring off into the abyss. She was getting frustrated with him, and on Saturday morning decided to address the issue.

"How long do you plan on wallowing in your funk?"

"I haven't decided yet. Possibly the rest of my life. What's it to you?"

"It's non-productive and you're taking up space."

"It's a big room."

"It's my room. Don't you want to go back to your own room?"

"I like the view here."

"I like my solitude."

"I won't disturb you."

"Ugh! You already are." Merlin he could be annoying. "Why don't you go take a walk or something? It's a lovely day and the student's are going to Hogsmeade. Why don't you make yourself useful and see what's going on."

"I think I'll just stay in. Looks like rain."

She had no choice. She had to play her ace. "I hear Mme Rosemerta just imported a rather extensive collection of single malt scotch."

He smirked at her and for a moment looked like his old self. "On second thought, maybe I will take that walk. Care to join me?"

"I have essays to grade."

Sasha stayed in her room thoroughly enjoying the solitude while Rudy was away. Although in his current state, he was not particularly talkative and did not flirt with her or disturb her, she still felt she couldn't relax with him there. She worked until dinner and then went down to the Great Hall to dine, expecting to meet him there and here about his day. He however did not appear.

Severus watched her as he pushed the food around on his plate not eating. She was alone tonight but seemed to be waiting from Lestrange judging by the way she kept her eyes fixed upon the door. He sighed heavily. She used to wait for him like that, but the longer they were apart, the more he thought that those days were gone forever. They had reached a stalemate. They were both stubborn. Neither of them could change, or give an inch, it was an impasse. Still his heart ached for her, and soon he could not stop himself from approaching her and taking the seat by her side.

"Dining alone?"

"It would appear that way wouldn't it?" She replied sarcastically.

"Where is Mr. Lestrange?"

"I needled him into going to Hogsmeade today and he hasn't returned. It's getting late, I'm starting to be concerned."

Severus scowled. He didn't give a damn what happened to that man except in the context that it meant Sasha was alone for the evening. He quickly began to look for a way to work it to his advantage. Not only did he miss her company, he was under loads of stress and desperately needed to get laid. He began to fantasize away, and hoping she would have a moment of weakness.

She mistook his scowl for concern over Rudy. "You don't think someone got to him do you?"

"What? No, I would have heard something."

"I should probably go look for him before it gets too late."

"Leave him be. He's a grown man and doesn't need you hovering over him like a mother hen. He's probably sliding off a barstool at The Three Broomsticks by now. Let Rosemerta deal with him, she's good at that."

"Mmmm, no, I think I'll see for myself. He's pretty unstable. I'll take a walk to town and see if I can't find him." She stood to leave.

"Not alone you won't. Like it or not, I'm going with you." He got up to follow her his chair grinding across the floor as he quickly pushed it back. His heart was already beating a little faster, it was at least a 30-minute walk to town during the sunset and he would be alone with her.

He followed her into the courtyard without speaking. He wasn't sure how to begin. He was still considering his tactics when they saw Rodolphus hobbling up the hill with his cane.

"Rudy!" Sasha called to him further angering Severus. He sighed in annoyance.

Sasha lit into him as soon as he was closer. "Where have you been? I was starting to get worried." She had no idea how it pained Severus to hear that she worried about that rat.

"I ran into an old friend of yours and we had dinner, Ivan Karkaroff."

"Great." She snorted. "How is he?"

"He's still at The Three Broomsticks. Why don't you go ask him."

"I'll pass."

Severus felt his heart jump at her rejection of Ivan. But would she have said that if he wasn't standing right here?

"Then come back to the room with me and I'll catch you up."

"Oh ah no. I have to prepare some things in my classroom."

"Fine, I'll see you later."

Severus was calm on the outside but rejoicing inside, a rejection of both his perceived rivals was making him nearly giddy.

"May I walk you to your classroom?"

"No thank you Severus. I'm fine and I'm sure you have better things to do." She turned to go.

His shoulders slumped and his hands hung at his sides. He stared at the ground as he spoke. "Sasha, do you…feel anything for me?"

She stopped, but otherwise made no reaction.

"Please, you have no idea how I'm suffering. Just tell me. Is there any hope for me at all?"

"I don't know." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

He closed his eyes tightly while his head sunk a little lower and his hair shielded both sides of his face. "What do you mean you don't know? Don't toy with me."

"I mean I don't have the answer. Only you can answer that. The answer you seek is within your heart not mine. I've told you how I feel and what I want. I've asked my questions."

His frustration got the better of him and he growled at her. "Damn it Sasha, why do you make this so difficult?"

"I hate that it's so difficult for you. I wish it was simple for you. It is so simple for me. But I can't change who I am any more than you can. We all have to face our demons sooner or later."

She turned away from him and entered the castle.

Weeks went by and Rudy began to become more like his old self. Sasha watched him one evening after dinner preparing to go to Hogsmeade alone as he frequently did. As he splashed cologne on his face she began to wonder if he had met someone.

"Who are you getting all dolled up for? Has Mme Rosemerta caught your fancy?"

"No, just going to have a few drinks with Ivan."

Sasha wasn't sure she liked this new alliance. Both of them were wild cards and the two of them together could be dangerous. "You're spending an awful lot of time with Ivan these days. What are you two cooking up?"

"Nothing." He put on his coat before adding as an afterthought. "He misses you."

"Don't start with me." She raised her hand to silence him but he merely laughed as he walked out the door.

Sasha wasn't the only one concerned about Rudy's extracurricular activities in Hogsmeade. Severus was well aware of this man's comings and goings and reported on his activities to the Dark Lord. He had been running ragged lately. The Dark Lord demanded more and more of his time as his circle of trust was shrinking daily. People were failing him and he was questioning everyone's loyalties, but not Severus. He remained Voldemort's closest confidant. He had even shared some very powerful magic with him and now Severus knew how to fly.

It was a thrilling feeling even if he was flying with the most evil creature in existence. He couldn't help wonder what Sasha would think of his new found ability. Everything he did or thought was in relation to her. Why couldn't that be enough? Maybe if she saw him fly she would consider him above all those quidditch jocks. His thoughts teetered between profound consideration of his situation and schoolboy plotting. He was coming unglued.

One evening in May he sat in the Great Hall staring at her while she ate dinner, or rather pretended to. She sat on the outskirts of conversation and played with her food. She had lost weight, quite a bit and her robes hung on her shoulders. She caught him watching her a couple times, but when he didn't look away, she averted her eyes. Tonight was the same as all other nights, miserable. He was jolted out of this dreamlike state by Rodolphus.

"Black Lake. Ten o'clock. I need to speak with you alone."

Severus scowled after him. What could this rat want now? He glanced over at Sasha again. She had seen the entire exchange and raised her eyebrows at him. He shrugged one shoulder but then she looked away again. His heart beat just a bit faster, she was still watching him too, and noticed everything. Maybe someday, if he could win this war, he could get her back. He had to.

At ten o'clock he walked into the balmy air and down to the Black Lake to meet Lestrange. He saw him standing by the shoreline next to the forest, skipping rocks. This struck him as amusing. Who skipped rocks while the world was about to end. Brainless twit. He had no patience for this man. He decided to take charge of this conversation from the start and wrap it up quickly. He was exhausted enough tonight that he might actually be able to fall asleep.

"Good evening Severus."

"Spare me the pleasantries, I'm a very busy man. Before you tell me whatever it is you want to tell me, I have something to address with you."

Rodolphus considered him. "And what is that?"

"As Headmaster I insist that you vacate Sasha's quarters in favor of your own. You're better now for weeks and propriety must be observed."

"She needs me." He shrugged and took a seat on a nearby boulder.

Severus was certainly not prepared for that response and it showed. "Ex-cuse Me?"

"She's not well. Surely you can see that"

Thoughts were spinning in his mind. She did appear thinner but her weight always fluctuated with her moods. Still his heart raced and the thought of his beautiful Sasha being ill and he not there to take care of her. Worse yet that this man was taking his place in her life. "What? Why didn't you tell me? I'm a far better healer than Poppy."

"Oh Poppy can't help her."

Every muscle in his body tensed. This must surely be a terrible illness or curse. "What is it?"

"We have the same affliction I'm afraid." He picked up another rock and skimmed it across the water. "She cries in her sleep. She says 'Don't go to her. Give her up. I love you. Come back to me.' It's the same thing every night. Any idea who she is talking about?"

Severus would never admit his feelings to this man. He couldn't even admit them to Sasha. So he lied. "No idea. Probably that oaf you go drinking with." Then he quickly changed the subject. "You would do well to stay out of other people's business. I thought the Dark Lord taught you that lesson but perhaps you need a refresher." Severus had his wand out before he knew he was doing it and shoved it under Lestrange's chin, but Rudy merely pushed it aside lazily.

"Oh I don't think it's Ivan. It's you."

"Shut it."

"Severus, how can you still be on his side?" His tone was pleading. "If you care about her you have no choice but to oppose the Dark Lord, or you'll end up just like me."

"Are you insane? No one walks away from this!"

"I owe her a life debt and you as well. I don't want to see what's happened to Bella happen to her. It's time for you, for both of us to switch sides."

Severus stared at him in shock. What an idiot to broach this subject with Voldemort's closest aide. He proceeded with caution to maintain his cover. "Careful Lestrange. You're talking treason." His growl was menacing as he raised one eyebrow.

"What more can they do to me? I welcome death."

"You're a fool! I should murder you right here and now."

"Then do it." Rudy broached his personal space.

Severus had his wand at the ready but knew he could not kill this man. Besides being morally wrong, he could be valuable. Still he could not let him live. To do so would blow his own cover and ruin everything he was working for. Slowly he raised his wand.

"Ovliviate."

Rodolphus dropped to the ground like a rag doll. Severus looked around for witnesses, but no one had seen, so he turned to hurry back to the castle.

When he was about a quarter mile away, Ivan emerged from the shadows of the forest. He helped Rodolphus sit up and revived him with old-fashioned muggle smelling salts.

Rodolphus jerked his head away from the strong smell and appeared to come around. He looked at Ivan in confusion. "What happened?"

One corner of Ivan's smile turned up in an evil grin. "Just as we suspected. He's already switched sides."

AN: Thanks to all who reviewed and P M ed me this week. Also thanks for suggestions on the upcoming Karkaroff story. Yummy. Please leave your thoughts—living for them.


	90. Chapter 89 Requiem

CHAPTER EIGHTY-NINE

REQUIEM

Sasha avoided the Great Hall at lunch not feeling up to seeing Severus. Instead she was holed up in her room. She would never be able to get over him if she continued to torture herself by being in such close proximity to him. His handsome face, the way he swaggered when he paced, even the smell of him, all made her miserable when she couldn't have him. To top it all off, she received an owl that morning announcing the birth of Teddy Lupin. It was a joyous occasion but she couldn't bring herself to rejoice in her friend's good fortune. It served as a reminder that she had no one and nothing to love in her life.

Her pity party was mercifully disrupted by a knock at her door. It was Rodolphus. He had finally, and rather abruptly moved out of her room several weeks ago, but since living in her quarters for so long now felt entitled to too frequent "pop-ins". It was annoying.

"Hi Rudy," she sighed in resignation. " Come on in. What's going on today?"

"I want you to come to Hogsmeade with me tonight."

"Thanks but I have work to do." She waved him off not in the mood to socialize.

"Do it later, this is strategic not social. I want to help the order."

Her jaw dropped and she stood there gaping at him. Briefly she wondered if he was manipulating her but either way, she had no choice but to play along. "Oh Rudy!" She hugged him but not for too long. "I'm so proud of you. You're doing the right thing. What finally made you decide?"

"Lots of things. Your friend Karkaroff is as persuasive as he ever was." Rudy flopped down in a chair and threw his legs over the side.

Something struck her as odd about this statement. "Oh, I wasn't aware that you knew him before."

"Ahh, yes." His afterthought of a response was quick, but not convincing.

Something wasn't adding up. She watched him for a moment until he met her eyes. "I suppose it's a family trait. Igor could sell ice to an Eskimo. I loved that about him."

"Lovely." He replied flatly. "Are you coming?"

"No." Despite Rudy's conversion she had a busy night of pulling the covers over her head and crying, all planned out. "Don't be silly, we can't be seen together anymore…after your…incident. It would arouse suspicion. People will expect you to defect, and will watch for it. We have to be very careful. If it's so important, have him come here."

"That's risky. He won't get past Snape and his ilk."

"Then have him come in disguise. He could dress as one of them and he can slip right through. You all look alike in the dark."

"Baha!" Laughter burst forth from Rudy and he looked more like himself. "Is that so?"

"Very funny. You know what I mean, hooded robes lurking in the shadows." He continued to snicker through her explanations. "What do we need to talk to him about anyway?"

"Intelligence. He's been hanging around different places where his followers congregate. The Dark Lord is planning an attack on Hogwarts."

"The Order has already anticipated this. It's nothing new. He'll have to find out more than that if you two want to be useful."

"Nevertheless, he's excellent at ingratiating himself with strangers and thus is able to find out quite a bit. I've been cut out of the loop as of late. He may be privy to some information on the timing and be able to warn us. Your Order members won't trust information from him and certainly not from me."

"So you need me as the link?"

"Yes. Do you trust us enough?" He raised his eyebrows and waited intently for her answer.

Truth be told, she did not trust Rudy Lestrange. He may be grateful at the moment but he'd done nothing to prove his newfound loyalty to The Order. He was a risk. "Maybe."

He smirked. "You trust Karkaroff but not me. Am I right?"

Charm was the surest way out of this, and so she drew her lips into a sly smile she thought he might like. "You're both shady characters. I want to talk to Ivan."

"Fine. I'll have him meet us at the boat house." He hopped out of the chair to leave but she put a gentle hand on his chest to stop him.

"I want to speak with him alone."

He stepped into her personal space and exhaled while looking down on her. "Karkaroff and I are like minded in this. I assure you. Anything you can say to him you can say to both of us."

"Doubtful.' She took a step back but continued smiling at him. "Let me be blunt. Rudy, I would like to see him alone so we can talk about you behind your back."

Soft laughter rumbled in his chest "Fine. He'll prefer that anyway. I'll keep watch over the perimeter. By the way, how are things with Severus?"

_Jackass. _"I don't' know what you're talking about." Her tone was musical but her heart was heavy.

"Still having those dreams?"

"What dreams?" She feigned innocence.

"You talk in your sleep."

"I've had the same dream for years, nothing new." She shrugged her shoulders and tried to play this off as no big deal. "I'll probably have it forever."

"He's working for the order now isn't he."

Sasha's blood went cold. How could he possibly know this? She had to warn him that he was under suspicion again. Who else knew?

"Preposterous." She declared with authority.

"I don't think so. He's been under suspicion for years."

"Use your head Rudy! He murdered Albus Dumbledore. I assure you the Order wants nothing to do with him. He is persona non grata at the moment. Quit talking out your arse like that, it's dangerous."

Severus patrolled the corridors every night hoping to run in to Sasha. Night after night, he was however, disappointed. She ignored him daily, or so he thought, and it was driving him mad. He thought by having some distance, his feelings for her might lessen but it wasn't working out that way. He'd been isolated his entire life, but never felt it so acutely as right now. Without realizing where he was going, he wandered by the room of requirement and the door creaked open. He stared into the room not knowing what he required at the moment. Liquor didn't help, the demands of his work didn't distract him, Sasha was unavailable to provide sexual release and he was too depressed to masturbate. Perhaps the room could provide it, whatever it was. He cared not what it was.

With some trepidation he wandered into the dimly lit room. Immediately, the door slammed shut behind him, and he jumped. Then breathed a sigh of relief as his eyes focused on his surroundings. At the far end of the room, flanked by two very large candles stood the Mirror of Erised. Severus groaned at the sight of it. He had not looked into it for at least seven or eight years. Always the image was the same: Lily Evans, young, beautiful, alive, and in his arms. While he adored this soothing vision and the comfort it would bring him for a time, afterwards he would be prostrate with grief. The picture of what he wanted and could never have, caused him to plunge into depression for days afterward. So this was it. What he required was to refocus on her memory. He had lost sight of what was true and important apparently. Sasha Malfoy could be a distraction for any man.

"I show you not your face but your heat's desire" was carved backwards into it's top. With a regretful sigh he closed his eyes and stepped up to the mirror. Surely the room knew best and besides, he couldn't possibly feel any worse.

When he opened his eyes he saw himself working intently in a potions lab but he was not at Hogwarts and he was not wearing teaching robes. This was something new and he watched himself intently while trying to discern the meaning. His sleeves were rolled up and the dark mark was faded. He watched himself work intently on a brew he did not recognize. Then a second Severus appeared. It was he as a child no more than six or seven, and he scampered into the room grinning from ear to ear. Severus smiled as he observed his younger self with the same skinny frame and too long hair. However, in this vision, he did appear to be better cared for. His hair was cleaner and neater and his clothes fit well. His older self put a hand out to stop his younger self before he ran into the potion he was brewing. What was this supposed to mean? Am I trying to stop myself from creating potions? It didn't make sense to him at first. But then suddenly everything became crystal clear. Sasha entered the room behind the boy scooping him up into her arms. She carried the boy over to his older self and casually kissed his older self on the cheek. This was their son. Severus turned away from his brew and gently put his arms around her waist. He kissed her firmly on her forehead as the little boy tried to wriggle away from his parents. His father ruffled his hair and smiled contentedly at his family.

Severus' heart felt so full as he saw his greatest desire before him. A future, a family with Sasha, that's what he wanted more than anything else. The mirror never lied. It was all so clear now. What was he doing? How could he let anything stand in his way or cloud his judgment? What a fool he had been, clinging to the old habits and stupid fantasies so hard he couldn't see that his whole life had changed.

Suddenly his life made sense again, and he knew what he had to do. He ran to find her, to tell her loved her and beg her to take him back.

He ran to her room and pounded on the door but she did not answer. With a flick of his wand he burst through the wards and entered without an invitation. "Sasha!" He called out but she was not there. She must be working late again. He bolted out of the room to her classroom but she was not there either. Perhaps there was an issue with the Gryffindor's, unruly lot. He ran to the portrait entrance just as McGonagall was exiting. Quickly he pulled himself together. "You're up late Minerva? Is there a problem with your house?"

"Certainly not." She'd been nasty to him all year. Nor more than he deserved however. "What are you doing at this end of the castle so late?"

"I need a word with Professor Malfoy, is she with the students?"

"No. She said something about taking a turn about the grounds."

"At this hour?"

"I stopped wondering about her odd behavior years ago."

Severus didn't respond made a hasty retreat out the castle door and into the courtyard. He scanned the grounds but didn't see her. A murky fog was swirling around the black lake and he had an instinct that she would be headed that way. A flash of motion caught his eye and he headed off in that direction. As he neared the edge of the hill he took one more wide scan before descending. About two thirds of the way down on a large rock sat Rodolphus Lestrange. His wand was out and he too was scanning the area of the black lake. Obviously, the man was up to no good, so Severus hung back and waited. Much to his chagrin he saw Sasha at the base of the hill near the boathouse. What the hell was she walking into? She stood at the shore of the lake and began to skip rocks. _What is it with these people and their idle pursuits at such moments?_ He didn't have time to wonder about that for long as through the mist a very shadowy, ominous figure appeared. The wind blew around his lengthy black robes but Severus could not see his face. A full hood covered it. He stepped slowly towards Sasha who continued to skip rocks and not notice him. Severus quickly pulled out his wand as his chest pounded. She finally turned to see her attacker. The figure stretched it's arms out, obviously ready to grab her, and took two quick steps toward her just as the wind blew back his hood to reveal a golden mask. Death Eater.

"You look beautiful in the moonlight Detka." Ivan said in his heavily accented but beautifully smooth voice.

"Hi Ivan." Sasha took a step towards him but he was suddenly slashed through his chest by a blinding streak of light. He dropped to his knees and pulled his mask off. His expression was a mixture of shock and horror.

"Ivan!" Sasha was by his side in a second; easing him down to the ground before fell all the way. Blood began seeping profusely through his robes as he gasped for breath. She began to panic as she began to realize just how bad this really was. "Okay, It's going to be alright. I'm going to go get Severus."

"No." He breathed. "Don't leave me" He reached up and clutched her coat. "Stay with me Sasha. I don't have long."

"Oh, don't talk like that Ivan."

Rodolphus came running down the hill. He lost his balance and practically skidded up beside them. Sasha immediately turned on him.

"You were supposed to be watching! Who the FUCK cast that?"

"I don't know." He sputtered while taking in the scene.

"Make yourself useful for once. Run fetch Severus."

"Perhaps I should fetch Poppy."

"Damnit Rudy just do it! Go!" Finally he left.

As soon as he did, Ivan began to writhe and clutch at his clothing ripping his collar. "Ivan, what are you doing? What's wrong?" He continued to writhe on the ground while growling. She noticed his hair was starting to gray slightly around the temples then it appeared to grow longer. "Ivan what's happening? Talk to me! Oh I wish Rudy would hurry."

He seemed to gasp for air and his head twitched from side to side. She then noticed his facial hair beginning to grow at an alarming rate. His body also appeared to grow longer and his shoulders widened ripping the seams of his coat. Finally his features morphed and changed to the familiar and beloved countenance of her dear friend and his brother Igor Karkaroff.

"Igor? What? I…" Sasha sputtered. She realized what had happened but was still too shocked to articulate it.

"It's me Cassiopeia." His soulful brown eyes gazed adoringly at her.

She threw herself over him, overcome with shock and emotion. "Igor, oh my, you're alive." She hugged him tightly and sobbed. "I can't believe it." They were cheek to cheek and her tears began to warm his skin. Weakly he tried to put his arm around her but it slipped back onto the cold ground. She pulled back and held his face in her hands looking hard at his countenance and still not believing her eyes. "But how is this possible? I saw you in the coffin. I was at your funeral."

Severus ran up on the scene unnoticed. He felt as if the rug had been yanked out from under him. His Sasha with another mans face in her soft hands; the sight of this tender scene crushed his heart.

"Ivan died. He was the victim of some very dark magic that I couldn't stop. Knowing I was a marked man, we agreed on the plan. I would assume his identity and hide in plain sight."

"Then it was you all along?" And then realizing the gravity of it all, she added, "It was us?"

_US? US? What does that mean?_ Severus felt sick inside and had to blink before it could sink in that this was in fact, Igor not Ivan.

"I'm so sorry I deceived you. I had to try again. I was so love with you. I still am. I always have been. I thought if I was younger, more handsome like my brother…"

"Shh, Igor, try not to speak. Save your strength. Hold my hand and look at me. Stay with me darling. Please. I need you. Look into my eyes and don't look away."

Severus stood motionless, watching. Once the shock of seeing Igor Karkaroff alive subsided, the full weight of it all washed over him; Karkaroff spewing his emotions out to her, without inhibition. He wasn't afraid of telling her he loved her no matter what her response. This man, his worthy rival, had the courage of lying bear all his dreams and emotions even though he thought it hopeless. The grand gesture, the declarations, that's what she needed and deserved. And here Severus, after years of her complete devotion to him, months of having her to himself, and now the horrible deprivation of contact with her, still couldn't tell her loved her. She was meant for a man of Godric Gryffindor sized courage. He was nothing more than a serpent slithering on his belly afraid of a four-letter word. And her desperate pleas to Karkaroff how could she?

Finally she noticed him. "Severus, please I need you"

But he didn't move. He stood rooted on the spot, paralyzed with grief. He was too late. She needed him to save the man who would replace him. That was it. He felt foolish. He felt used.

"Please Severus, he's been hexed." Her voice was hoarse with fear and her face was contorted with desperation.

Much to the detriment of his dignity, he was unable to refuse her. Mechanically, he knelt over the body of his rival and without pretext, or meeting anyone's eyes, he began to chant his healing incantations over the body. He did as he was asked, as he was ordered, as he always did, no matter how it pained him.

Sasha smoothed Karkaroff's hair and whispered soothingly to him. "Shhh, Severus is here now. He can heal you. Everything will be fine." He looked up at her with grateful loving eyes.

"It looks like Sectum Semprum." She said to Severus. He was too devastated to respond. And how could she think he wouldn't know that? It was his spell. Did she think he was too stupid to figure that out?

Sasha turned her focus back to Igor. "Who hexed you Igor?"

Severus abruptly stopped chanting and locked eyes with his nemesis of the moment. Surely he knew.

Igor gave him a knowing glace and then turned back to Sasha. "It doesn't matter."

The idea of being protected by this man was unbearable. Something snapped inside of Severus. "Don't cover for me Karkaroff. I don't need your protection. I hexed you. You were wearing Death Eater robes; I thought you were going to attack her. You see, I don't lie to Sasha unlike you. Posing as your kid brother, and trying to romance her under false pretences. How pathetic."

"Stop it!" Sasha hissed at him. The venom in her voice shocked him. His heartbroken eyes were wide with shock. How quickly she was pushing him aside once this Drumstrang prick came back into the picture.

"Igor, darling please hang on. It's okay. I don't care about any of that. We'll sort all this out later. Just stay with me." Igor's eyes rolled back in his head briefly. Sasha screamed in desperation. "Severus please."

Severus shook his head and whispered because he hadn't the strength to speak normally. "I can't do anything else Sasha. His wounds are sealed but he's not responding. Some vital organ must have been destroyed." He was being truthful but doubted she believed him. His confidence was shaken to the core at the moment.

Karkaroff shivered below them. "I'm so cold." Sasha quickly removed her cloak and laid it over his shoulders, as did Severus.

"Please Igor stay with me!" Sasha cried. "Damnit Severus, do something!"

Severus racked his brain for a solution but nothing came to mind. If Sasha hadn't requested him to help he would have gladly let this man die, but if she wanted to save him he would do everything in his power. Even now he was a slave to her. He however knew no counter to this spell he'd created.

"Cassiopeia." His voice was getting weaker by the second.  
"Yes, I'm right here."

"When you accepted my proposal, Ivan's proposal, that was the happiest moment of my life."

"Shh my Russian Prince, don't' try to talk."

Severus gaped at them. _Russian Prince? _He blinked his eyes in disbelief and shook his head, unable to accept what he was now seeing and hearing. _What? What?_ He felt as if he was drowning in quicksand.

"I know you never loved either of us."

"Igor please, stop talking. Save your strength. You're my dearest friend."

"Your dearest friend. But Severus means much more to you." She didn't respond but griped his hand tightly as she cried.

"Doesn't he?"

_Don't I? Oh, Sasha please say I do?_ He felt his jaw quiver and quickly clenched his teeth together so it would not waiver and be noticed.

"Igor please don't make me say something that will hurt you. Please we can talk about this tomorrow."

_Something that will hurt him? Doesn't she know, or even care how I feel right now?_

"For me there will be no tomorrow." Igor's voice was growing weaker by the second.

"Shh, don't say that. I just got you back. Please find the will. I need you. Don't leave me again."

Severus felt like his world was imploding. He didn't hear anything else just that she needed him. _Needed him. Needed him for what?_

"Do you remember that night on the boat?"

_Ugh, is there no end to this torment?_

"Yes after the ball of course."

"No, before the tournament."

Severus felt physically ill. _There was more than one night? What exactly happened?_

"Yes it's my favorite memory of you. You brushed my hair, said it needed work."

_Brushed his hair? What the hell?_

"Yes." She laughed through tears. "Hey when you were Ivan you said you died speaking of that night."

Igor tried to laugh but it came out like a wheeze. "Ha, I made it up. I just wanted to see if it would make you miss me more. Feel bad that I was gone."

"Oh you're impossible. Nice touch."

"Worked didn't it?"

"Yeah." She smiled and pushed a strand of hair off his face. "Yeah it worked. I felt horrible. Does that please you?"

They were speaking to each other like there was no one else in the world at the moment. Severus felt utterly discarded and was disgusted with himself. He summoned up his last shred of dignity and slowly rose to his feet. As he turned to go, his heart sank further as he realized she didn't even notice.

Igor continued to speak. "It does please me. You know I only fooled around with Delcour to try to hurt you."

"Shh, stop saying these things. None of it matters."

"Did I hurt you?"

"Just my ego."

He laughed weakly again. "Just your ego? I'm dying, can't you just lie to me?"

"I'll never lie to you."

"No." He became serious once again. "No I know you wouldn't. You really love Severus don't you? After all this time and everything that's happened?"

"Yes. I really do. With all my heart."

"Make him take good care of you. I'm serious. If he doesn't I'll come back and haunt him."

She sniffed, smiled and stroked his hair. "It appears you've already done that."

Igor smiled and began to laugh. His laugh turned to a choking sound and suddenly he was gasping for air. His eyes were wide and his grip on her hand tightened.

Sasha didn't take her eyes off him but reached behind her for Severus. She couldn't feel him. "Severus help him!"

Igor's lips began to turn blue as he gasped. "Casse…." And then the life left his eyes.

The earth seemed to stop cold for a moment, just for a moment, and then moved on. "Igor, no." She cried as her head hit his chest. She clung hard to him hoping she could will him back but she could feel the utter absence of life in his body. This man who always made her laugh and was so full of life was now just an object. Igor was gone. She pulled herself up. She remained kneeled over him with her lower lip trembling and her hands shaking uncontrollably. She reached over and stroked his hair one last time until it was arranged in a dignified manner. Then, ever so gently, she closed his eyes.

The second phase of grief came quickly and without warning. She was so angry that he couldn't be saved and whirled around on Severus. "Why didn't you DO something?" But he was long gone.

Rudy was standing a few feet away merely observing and not wanting to intrude. He now approached her with caution.

"Did you know about this?" She asked, feeling foolish.

"Yes. He told me a few weeks ago." He walked over and extended his hand to help her up, which she accepted. "You really had no idea?"

"I'm ashamed to say, no. Leave it to him though. Orion." She was normally effective in a crisis and those instincts overtook her. "Rudy, I need you to see Hagrid, so he can arrange for a coffin for Igor. We'll have to transport him home. Don't tell anyone if you can help it. I'll write the necessary letters to his mother and see what the family's wishes are."

He put his hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry he couldn't be saved Sasha."

"Thank you Rudy. Where is Severus?"

"He went back up the hill." Sasha scrambled up the hill after him.

_AN: Igor noooooooo! Did you guess it? A few of you told me you thought something was up with Ivan but a big shout out to ladyemerald who called it ages ago! Everyone raise your fire whiskey to toast her powers of deductive reasoning. If you liked Igor I have resurrected him in a new story called "Desperate Measures." I just posted the first chapter this week if you want to check it out. (Shameless plug)_

_ But enough of him. Bugger off Karkaroff this is Snape's story! Our hero is soooo close and then he has to see this? The next chapter will be THE conversation—do or die time. _


	91. Chapter 90 THE Conversation

CHAPTER NINETY

THE Conversation

Sasha was grateful for the cold night air on her face. She needed something to bring her back to the present after the shock she'd just received. Ivan was Igor. Every time she'd kissed him, every time they'd spoken, she'd been speaking to Igor. She didn't know if she was a fool or just terribly fortunate to have this man in her life not once but twice. Of course he'd seemed familiar but they were supposed to be brothers. Not only did she feel foolish but she also felt horrible for rejecting him twice. She'd been honest, she didn't love him the way he wanted in either form, but what a hurtful thing to put someone through, especially someone you care about.

She looked up the hill and saw Severus walking quickly into the castle. He cut a sleek figure without his long cloak behind him. She wanted more than anything to see him. He'd always hated Igor and been jealous of their friendship. She guessed she shouldn't be surprised that he left them. She didn't know where she went but knew he would eventually have to return to the Headmaster's office so she went there first. She knocked softly on the door and waited but there was no answer. Was he not there or was he avoiding her? Either way she was desperate to see him. In spite of her resolve to put distance between them, she still felt closer to him than anyone else on earth. When something of importance happened in her life, he was the person she most wanted to share it with. She decided to make an attempt at guessing the password.

"Half Blood Prince." She guessed out loud but nothing happened. "Potions," but still nothing. Then she got a sinking feeling and knew exactly what it was. A whimper escaped her at the thought of it and tears burned her eyes as she softly uttered, "Lily," and watched the door. Nothing happened and she breathed a sigh of relief.

"Casseopia." Came the booming and angry voice from behind her, and she jumped. Severus walked slowly by her turning to glare at her through narrowed eyes as he passed. She stood rooted to the floor as he entered the room and then turned to face her. "Well…are you coming in?" She spoke not a word but followed him into the room. He waved his hand and the door slammed shut behind her. She jumped again. He walked over to the balcony door and back into the night air. She took a deep breath and followed him.

"Why did you leave Severus?"

His eyes looked cold and dead as he faced her with a frightening chill. "'Russian Prince', 'dearest friend', 'stay with me I need you,' I'm sorry but that's a bit difficult for me to hear." He shifted on his feet and fidgeted nervously.

She blinked and immediately knew she was in dangerous territory. She decided to proceed with caution. "Yes, I did care for him, but not in the way I love you Severus."

Severus rolled his eyes and looked at nothing over the edge of the balcony.

"He was my dear friend, Reg's best friend. I loved him like I loved Sirius and Regulus. Like I love Remus and Tonks and Lucius. It doesn't mean I love you less."

"Doesn't it?" He said quickly and without turning.

"No." She stood before him and her heart was racing. "No, it doesn't. Love is the most natural and I would argue the only truly natural emotion, the one we are born with. Everything else is learned and false. Love should be given openly and freely and when you do it comes back to you. Love isn't completely fixated on one person. That's not love it's an unhealthy obsession." His head snapped back at her with frightening speed and she now wished he wasn't looking at her.

"Listen to yourself. Do you hear what you're saying?"

"What are you getting at?"

"Why can't you believe the same thing about me? Do you think I'm so emotionally incapacitated that I couldn't have the same kind of feelings? No, you've always seen me as weak in that department."

Truthfully she did she him as emotionally incapacitated. However, she was sensible enough not to take this opportunity to point that out. "I've never seen you as weak in any way."

"Yes you have. You think I could only ever love one person."

She stiffened immediately. As always he turned things around on her. "Your words not mine."

"But you've always known me better than I know myself."

"Sometimes I wonder if I know you at all."

"That's a cliché Sasha." He growled at her like she was a student. "Say what you mean."

She took a deep breath, not sure how to even begin. "I thought, if I told you…maybe if I loved you enough…if I was good to you and honest…well it all seems so foolish now."

"What seems foolish?"

"Thinking I could make you love me."

He took a deep breath trying to quell the vibration in his chest but it came through in his words. "But you have."

Sasha whimpered involuntarily, dreading the disappointment she knew was about to follow. "Have what?"

Yet again fear paralyzed him and he did not respond. He looked at his shoes, so utterly self involved that he didn't hear her moving closer and was shocked when she used both hands to shove him hard against the stone rail of the balcony.

"Ugh!" She grunted through gritted teeth as she shoved him with all her might. "I'm sick of this argument! I'm done! I'm not going to listen to this."

He grabbed her by the arms gently pushed her against the exterior wall of the castle holding her wrists. "Yes you will! You will stay here and you will listen to me. You've been baring your soul to me for years well now it's my turn."

She shook her head and looked down at the floor. "No, I can't. I've had enough. You torture me. It's too much. My heart is in a million pieces right now. I can't take anymore, please stop it. I'd rather be dead than go through this again." She was hysterical.

"Shh," he whispered softly in her ear as he nuzzled his cheek in her hair. He knew this would soften her mood. It always did.

"No Severus, please stop it. Let me go." She was emotionally drained and had nothing left.

"I can't let you go. I'll never let you go." He grazed his full lips across her cheek and then slowly moved to her lips and kissed her deeply and gently. His fingers released her wrists, and wove themselves through her hair. She turned her head upward to him as his tongue softly caressed her mouth. Her body gave into his, relaxing in his arms, molding into his chest as she kissed him back in earnest. He groaned, as the feeling of her submission brought relief to his heart.

"No." She abruptly jerked her lips away. "Severus, don't. I can't do it again."

"Shh. Listen to me." He lifted her chin until she looked at him. "I don't regret anything I've done or lived through anymore, because it's all brought me to you, to us. I wasn't capable of love all those years ago, or even three years ago. Everything that's happened has prepared me for this, for us, for this moment. You're not my second choice. You're my second chance. My redemption. Don't you understand? What I thought I had with Lily didn't exist. It was a fantasy, one that had nothing to do with who she really was. What we have is so real. . You may not believe me after all that's happened. I didn't think it was possible. It's different with you. You love and accept me for what I am. You've never asked me to change. You've just loved me through it all."

Her eyes were wide with hope as she waited with anticipation for the words she'd longed to hear from him since she was eleven years old. 'I love you Sasha.' But they didn't come. She waited for what seemed like an eternity gazing into his beautiful eyes pleading with her own, but still they did not come. He smiled weakly and caressed her cheeks obviously pleased that he had shared so much emotion with her and waiting patiently for her response. Perhaps this is it for him. This was the most he could give. He was all in, take it or leave it. She was expecting too much from him. This was the most he was capable of. This was the man she had chosen and sadly he had emotional limitations. Everyone has a flaw, perhaps this was his.

"Please say you'll come back to me. I'm lost without you."

"Lost without me?" Just what a woman wanted to hear, she was a compass. "Well, I guess that's something."

"Yes lost. I was dead. But you came to me, you pulled me back, you made me feel something again. I knew you were a treasure, something rare and valuable. I wanted to hide you away. I selfishly wanted to keep you away from the rest of the world but now I know love isn't something to be hidden away. It's to be shared. Like a bloom, it has to see the light of day in order to grow."

"What? What did you just say?"

He took her hands in his. They were both shaking. "I've been terrified to tell you. Afraid if I spoke the words that it would break the spell, break another illusion, but this isn't an illusion. I'll tell you here and now as I should have told you long ago. I love…love…love you." He caressed her face softly and then kissed her ever so tenderly. "I love you Sasha Malfoy. Oh, how I love you. Please forgive me. I love you and I know you love me. That's all that matters, not anyone else, not dark wizards or wars or a patronus. Nothing matters except that we love each other. That's all we need. That's all we'll ever need. Please tell me I'm not too late."

She was sure she was hallucinating. She blinked her eyes and sputtered softly but couldn't form words.

"Sasha don't leave me now." He kissed her softly again. "We're so close."

"Say it again."

"Sasha, I love you."

"I love you too."

"I'm a flawed man, but I love you and no one else. Please make a promise for me. I can't take losing you again. Do I truly have your heart?"

"Of course. Even though we've been apart, you've always had it, ever since I was a little girl. There's never been anyone else but you in my heart."

"Promise me then. I swear I will never love another, never look at another, I'll never harm you, I'll do everything I can to make you happy. But this scares me to be so…so..in love with you. I can't take it again. Please promise me, no matter what comes, that you'll stick it out with me, always be by my side and work through our problems."

"Yes, I will. Of course I will."

"Are you sure? We've been down this road before and I can't stand to be deprived of you again. It may be ugly. Our side may lose and I'll be at the Dark Lord's right hand. Even if we win, I'll be a fugitive or bound for Azkaban for my misdeeds."

"We are in this together. I'll make the unbreakable vow if you like. I'm that sure."

"No. I believe in you." He pulled her against his chest. "Finally I have something worth living for." His lips descended on hers gently at first but then gaining intensity. Their bodies pressed themselves firmly against each other.

Sasha entwined her fingers through his hair as she adored doing and slowly swayed her head from side to side as she savored this moment and tried not to miss any feeling or subtlety of his lips and lovely face. She moved her lips to his neck as his velvet voice whispered softly into her ear. "I love you. I love you. I love you."

_AN: TADA! He did it! Thoughts on that?_


	92. Chapter 91 The Battle of Hogwarts

THE BATTLE OF HOGWARTS

"I love you." He whispered it breathlessly, over and over again as his hands roamed her body. A new freedom was lighting a fire in his emotions and he couldn't stop himself from saying it many times over. "I love you." It was like the dam had burst, and the expression of adoration now came pouring forth with no hope of stopping it.

"I love you." Each time he said it he felt her body respond in kind with a sigh, a whimper or the increasing force with which she clutched him. The seduction was slow, hypnotic and spiritual. They were not just two bodies enjoying each other. It was so much more. Tonight he felt his soul would become one with hers finally. He took his time, wanting to savor every minute. His heart and loins were burning for her, and the heat was radiating through the rest of his body. So much so, that for several seconds he did not notice that his forearm was heating up until it her hand grazed over the sensitive area and gave him a shock of pain.

"Damn it!" As if he needed another reason to destroy Voldemort. Interruptions of his time with Sasha at such a critical moment was at the top of his list.

"What is it Severus?"

"It's the Carrows." He assessed the communication coming through the mark. "There's trouble afoot. I'm so sorry. I've got to go."

"I'll come with you." He gazed upon her face, eyes wide like a child and lips swollen from his insistent kiss. How he hated to leave her once again.

"No don't. Go see if you can find Minerva. This is it." He turned to the door.

"Wait!" She pulled him back to her by the fabric of his coat, and kissed him like she was sending her soldier off to war, hungrily and savoring the taste of him one last time. She was not making it easy to go. She pulled her lips away but remained close to his face. "Severus no matter what happens, win or lose. I will always love you. I hope your convictions are as firm as mine." She looked up at him with the same look of steely determination he had often seen in Lucius.

"Oh, they are." He kissed her softly one last time. Holding her chin in his hand, he examined her features, trying to memorize them before he left. What would become of them in the next few hours? What if he were maimed or disfigured? Would she still want him? It was too terrifying to think about at the moment. He had to break away now or in another minute, he would not be able to leave her. "I'll love you as long as I live." Quickly he kissed her forehead and swept out of the room. Sasha bit her lip and shuddered, wondering when and under what circumstance she would see him again.

They took off in separate directions. Sasha ran first to Minerva's quarters but she was not there. She then ran to Gryffindor Tower. Several of the older students were up in the common room but no one had seen Minerva. She decided to go return to the Headmaster's office by way of the Great Hall. Her boots pounded heavily on the stone corridors as she ran at top speed, completely focused on the impending danger and assisting her love. As she approached, she heard the cracking and roaring of spells flying through the air and as she turned the corner, happened upon a terrible scene. Minerva and Harry were in full battle with Severus. Spells shot through the air and it looked as if Severus was about to be bested. Two against one, no more, she was here now. Minerva raised her arm and was about to utter another curse which would surely have defeated him. However she blocked it just in time and Severus escaped. He ran through the Headmasters office. She wasn't sure where he was going but suddenly she heard a loud crash. They were all hot on his heels. Sasha's hear was pounding when she saw the smashed window and realized he had jumped. What was he thinking?

"It seems someone learned a new skill." Minerva quipped as soon as she reached the window.

"Wow!" Sasha was completely in awe as she looked out the window and saw him soaring through the sky without use of a broom. This man never ceased to surprise and delight her at the oddest times. "He's so brilliant." She gushed before remembering her current company. They all gaped at her as if she had three heads. She tried to recover, but it was an absurd scene, and she doubted she was believable. "What? You have to admit that's very advanced magic. Only someone very powerful could pull that off." They continued to gape at her.

Horace came running in and she was grateful for the interruption. "What's happened? Where is Headmaster Snape?"

"Flying high, with Professor Malfoy's assistance that is." Minerva approached until she was eyeball to eyeball with Sasha. "You need to decide where your loyalties lie."

"My loyalty is to the order but I'll not allow anyone to harm Severus. And that is the way that it is." Sasha glared right back at her ready for the fight. But it didn't come. Minerva nodded curtly as if she understood and then turned her mind immediately to action. "We have to evacuate the students immediately. Sasha you and Horace start rounding them up and get them to the great hall right away.

"I'm on it." Sasha barked and they were off on their way. She and Slughorn were off to Slytherin House and took control of that student body, some crying, some defiant and tough to handle. Draco and his two toadies Crabbe and Goyle were nowhere to be found and Sasha immediately had a bad feeling about that. She did not however have any time to dwell on it as there was much to be done.

When she and Slughorn finished rounding up the last of the students they could locate, they entered the Great Hall themselves. The first person she saw was Remus, looking more fit and cared for than he had in years. Family life certainly agreed with him. "Remus! Thank goodness you're here." She threw her arms around his neck and he hugged her with the familiarity of an old friend.

"Are you all right Sash?" He asked, pulling her arms off him.

"I'm terrified." It was out before she could think better of the remark. "All these students, Harry...what's going to happen? Can we really do this?"

"Yes, but it won't be easy, and we can't give in to our fears." He stooped a bit to look her directly in the eye. "This is it Sasha. Are you ready? Today we make sure that those we loved and lost have not died in vain. Today we avenge them all."

She couldn't help but smile at him. "Remus Lupin, I've never heard you talk like that." He shrugged. "I like it."

He narrowed his eyes at her. "We're going to win. You have to believe that. Do you?"

"I'm clinging to it."

They were interrupted by Minerva's announcements and explanations of what was about to happen and how they would be evacuated. When one of the students asked where Professor Snape was, Minerva announced, "He has, as you say, done a bunk."

The students erupted into cheers and Sasha had to grit her teeth to stop from hexing someone, anyone. _Bloody fools, all of them. They have NO idea what he's done for them, what he's doing for them in this very moment. One day they will know of his sacrifice. One day they will be sorry they ever doubted him...one day._ She was jolted out of her internal seething by the bellowing voice of none other than Voldemort.

He was demanding the hand over of Harry Potter. Here it was. Harry had enough defenders, Order members and DA students on his side that would never let go of him, and Voldemort would never accept that response. Here was the impasse. It was now a matter of magical power and who had the most of it.

Pansy Parkinson was the first to push the issue. She stood and shrieked at Minerva, pointed at Harry and demanded he be turned over. Sasha made a mental note in that moment to make certain that that whiny little prat never married into her family. Cissy would hate her on site and she could easily plant enough seeds with Lucius to overcome any remaining doubt. The students seemed to share her low opinion of Miss Parkinson. The houses of Gryffindor, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff turned on their nemesis, Slytherin house, wands drawn and ready for action. Thankfully, Minerva remained clam and was able to maintain order. The entire student body had the utmost respect for her and would never defy her. She instructed Sasha and Horace to shuffle the Slytherins out of the castle.

Sasha followed her direction immediately and motioned with her wand for Pansy to head out the door first. As the girl walked out ahead of her she couldn't resist giving her a shove from behind. "Move it Parkinson. If your feet worked as fast as your mouth you would be safely out of here by now." The girl turned to glare at her and Sasha shoved her wand in the back of her neck to keep pressing her onward. She knew it wasn't an action suited to a Hogwarts professor but couldn't help feeling that Sirius would have done the same thing. She wished down to her core that he were here.

When that seemingly endless process was almost complete she left Slughorn to deal with the remaining handful of students and ran to find Remus. As she ran through the normally peaceful corridors of the castle, the sounds, sights and smells of battle were everywhere. She heard screams of pain and fear and the crashing sound of spells ricocheting off the walls. Finally she came upon Remus. He was with the Weasley twins, Ron, and several others and was battling a group of several Death Eaters. She jumped into the fray.

The Death Eaters were quickly losing ground as they were now outnumbered. Two of them ripped off their masks and she saw that she was now wand to wand with Rockwood. "Ah, Karkaroff's girl. This just got far more interesting."

Her blood was boiling at the mention of her dear Orion by this scum that he put away. She shot a stinging spell at his face but fury was clouding her aim and she missed. He laughed at her and ran towards her. She shot another hex at him but missed again and he grabbed her. "Karkaroff isn't here to help you now. Tell me where is he these days?" He laughed, mocking her. She was furious and a last resort threw a punch at his face which connected and knocked him on the ground.

"That was for Igor." She spat with venom in her voice. He was stunned but wasn't disarmed for long however, and was once again on his feet charging at Sasha. Remus however was quickly running up behind him and Sasha could not believe her ears as she heard him speak.

"Avada Kedavra!" Rockwood's eyes suddenly went vacant and he seemed to gaze right through her. A dazed grin crossed his lips and he fell forward on his face. She stood there gaping, looking first at Rockwood, then at Remus, then back again. Remus looked down at his victim, then confiscated the wand. "I'm sorry Sasha, but the time for stunning is over. We battle to the death today." The gravity of his statement chilled her to the bone.

Suddenly she was overcome by a sense of dread. Severus. She had to find him right away. Something was wrong, terribly wrong. She just had a feeling. It was nothing she could explain, but something inside her suddenly felt strange and she knew the feeling wouldn't go away until she saw him again. "Remus, something's wrong."

But her words didn't even register for suddenly there was a terrible explosion and the wall of the castle crumbled. The air around them was on fire and Remus threw his body across hers shielding her from the fire and crashing debris. There was an unsettling silence as Sasha and Remus raised their heads again. Then they could hear coughing, and sputtering, and people calling for one another. Terrible desperate noises were coming from everyone, as you frequently hear after an accident. Then came the most horrible sound of all, the guttural scream from Ron. Her eyes quickly darted to the direction of the scream but she couldn't see for all the dust floating about. Ron's agonizing scream was soon joined by the cries of his brother George, and Sasha's heart ached as she began to realize what had happened. Through the settling dust, she could start to make out the lifeless body of Fred Weasley, surrounded by his heartbroken brothers.

The hideousness of this war was unimaginable to Sasha before that moment. Seeing Fred, so normally full of mischief and life, splayed out and dead was difficult to wrap one's mind around. But she didn't have time to ponder it, for immediately following the explosion, giant spiders began scurrying up the hill to the castle. She and the others were forced to leave Fred's body in the rubble and run further into the castle that was now unwalled on one side and nearly indefensible. As they rounded a corner, they came upon the horrible sight of Fenrir Greybeck drooling over Luna Lovegood who was unconscious in a corner of the corridor. Remus pulled him off the young girl physically as Fenrir kicked and struggled. The normally powerful werewolf was no match for Lupin when his adrenalin was pumping. Lupin looked ready to kill his creator but Sasha had other plans.

"Leave him to me Remus." Fenrir raised an eyebrow and smirked. "This gentleman and I have unfinished business." Surprisingly, Lupin released him, if a bit reluctantly, and went to rejoin the fight.

"What business is that love?" He took a step closer to her but stopped when she raised her wand.

"Where is Severus?" She demanded rather than asked.

"So." He pursed his lips, seeming unhurried in manner even though there was a war going on around them. "It seems the rumors are true"

"Where is he? If you value your life you will tell me."

"He was summoned by the Dark Lord." Then he began to laugh. "Would you like me to escort you to that tea party as well?"

Sasha was just crazy enough at the moment to consider it. However there was no proof that this animal was speaking the truth and she would surely be a fool to go anywhere with him under any circumstance. She smirked at him and then landed a body binding curse that would keep him neutralized for the remainder of today's conflict. She turned to run back to Remus, who was now engaged in another fight. Perhaps he would know where she could find the Dark Lord. There were people dueling everywhere, to run through them would be like running the gauntlet. However someone was doing just that, and they were calling her name. Rodolphus LeStrange was running through them at top speed. His eyes were wide with panic when they met hers. He was yelling something.

"Sasha! Come quick. It's Severus, he's," but he never finished his sentence.

"Avada Kedavera!" She heard the words from behind him. The life left his face immediately and he collapsed on the floor. Yet another murder and she knew sadly he would not be the last. Which Order member unknowingly killed this double agent? She strained to see.

As she looked down the corridor she saw Bella laughing with glee. No remorse at all for her dead husband, the man she so willingly betrayed. How dare she stand there laughing over his dead body, when she had wrecked his heart so thoroughly in life? Sasha had reached her limit.

"CRUCIO!" Blue flames shot out of her wand and engulfed Bella. Sasha felt the anger coursing through her veins as she enjoyed watching Bella endure her torture. She slowly walked forward so she could continue at closer range and make her feel the pain down to her very soul, if she still had one. Her blood burned like a gas fire, and the satisfaction from hurting this wretch who had hurt so many was a rush she could not walk away from. "Take that for Sirius, take that for Rodolphus, for Igor, for Regulus, for everyone you and your ilk have hurt, you disgusting piece of shit." Bella writhed in pain, screaming and begging for mercy that would not come. "Had enough yet? Not me. You stupid slut, I could do this all fucking day and not have enough."

Slughorn interrupted them. Tottering up behind her like he was entering a Garden Party. "Sasha, what are you doing? That's an unforgivable!"

'Unforgivable,' it shocked her that she was able to do this curse so easily and utterly without regret. His words caused her to lose focus and her spell weakened enough for Bella to break it.

"Stupify!" Bella was able to get the curse out. Sasha and Slughorn flew backwards into one of the few stone walls still standing. The wind was knocked out of her and she gasped for breath. She glanced over at Slughorn. He was unconscious but alive. She sat there shaking off the stupification and watched Bella skip away, still laughing like a little girl.

Although she knew it was hopeless she crawled over to Rodolphus and attempted to rouse him but his face was a death mask of heartbreak. Although his life had been lived in a violent manner, he was repentant in the end and she mourned him. Sadly, she knew that she would be one of the few who would. She closed his soulful brown eyes for the last time while she fumed that she hadn't shanked Bella when she had the chance. She felt he was dead because of her weakness. "Severus." His unfinished sentence haunted her. What could he mean? She searched his pockets and hands for some clue but all she found was an empty potion vial and his pocket watch which also contained a picture of he and Bella on their wedding day. He looked so happy then. If only he'd known.

The booming sound of Voldemort's voice once again descended on them all. He was calling a brief truce with retreat of his forces, but only long enough for Harry to be turned over to him. A tentative peace descended on the battle, broken only by the muffled sobs of those crying over the dead, and those crying in pain from their injuries. Sasha walked through the scene not knowing where to focus her attentions first. However she froze when she saw the dead bodies of Remus and Tonks laying side by side. Finally she gave way to grief and collapsed on the already cold body of her confidant Nymphadora Tonks Lupin. Her body shook with sobs as she cried for Tonks, for Remus, for their infant son Teddy, for Fred, for Rudy, for Igor and those were just the ones lost today. When would this end? How would this end? Where could Severus be? She was sadly comforted when she heard Voldemort's voice again. Perhaps Severus was by his side, advising, telling him to call a truce. That would be so like him. Her bad feeling from earlier was growing stronger and the realization of such, caused fresh sobs to arise. She didn't know how long she lay there.

Sparks shot through the sky over the forbidden forest and people began to rush outside to investigate. She had neither the energy nor the mental strength to follow them. A bony hand touched her shoulder. "Master Regulus would be proud of us today." Kreacher droned behind her. "Master Regulus was our hero and began the fall of the dark lord." The little old elf was obviously talking out of his head, delirious from the surrounding drama of battle. Sasha however was comforted by the familiar sound of his little voice.

"That's right Kreacher." She was too tired to argue. "Come, let's you and I stay with the wounded. If the Death Eaters return, someone has to be hear to defend them. She took his hand and they went in to nurse the wounded. Kreacher, ever the boss directed his fellow house elves who obeyed without protest. Sasha paused to gaze around the room and the human destruction and sighed. Her stomach was tied up in knots worrying about Severus. Where could he be? Was he safe? _Oh my darling if you can hear me, know that I love you. Please come back to me. _

Suddenly from outside she heard the horrible sounds of battle once again. She and Kreacher ran to the window and saw that the fight was on again. So much for a truce. The fight quickly spilled into the castle. Sasha joined in, and this time had no qualms or remorse as she began to go after Death Eaters with her most vicious hexes. Everyone was in the mix now. Even the gravely wounded were casting spells from their various position. At some point in the mix she heard the determined and very angry voice of Molly. "Not my daughter you bitch!" Sasha turned to the voice just in time to witness Molly cast the unforgivable Avada Kedavra spell on Bellatrix Lestrange. Bella collapsed into a lifeless heap on the floor. She was glad to see it. Bella deserved to die. But her first thought was, _Oh shit. Molly's gone and done it now._

**"**Nooo!" Voldemort moaned. She was sure Molly was about to die, but suddenly Harry stepped between them and she knew this was the moment of truth. The two started addressing each other. Everyone hung on their conversation with rapt attention except Sasha who frantically scanned the crowd for Severus. She searched and searched but did not see him. She did however spot Lucius with Draco and Cissy and he extended his arm to her. The eyes of her older brother were dead serious and demanding her to come join their family immediately. No matter what side he was on, at the moment she was so scared and exhausted that she desperately needed to be with her family, and she obeyed.

"Lucius." She hugged him tightly.

"Stay right with us. Our family WILL live through this together. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, she nodded in eager agreement, as she gripped his hand. "Where is Severus? I have to see him." His eyes betrayed him immediately and she knew something was terribly wrong. "Where is he?"

She begged for an answer from him, but it was at that moment, coming from Voldemort and Harry. She would never remember the exact words of the story. Only bits and pieces registered as she struggled to process it all, killed, elder wand, Draco, Lily, Patronus. She shook her head violently trying to push the truth out of it, but it was not to be. How could this be? Not Severus. He fought so hard for so long. Not now. Not now that he finally loved her, and they were planning their life together. Not now. How could life be this cruel? He deserved better. This wasn't right. It couldn't be right. How could this be happening? It couldn't be, but it was.

"No." Sasha's face contorted and she clawed at her hair in hysteria, as if that could change what she heard. "No, no no."

"Sasha." Her brother's voice caused her to turn. His hand was on her arm but she was barely aware of it.

"No! No! No! Lucius, this isn't true. Harry's lying! I don't believe it. He's trying to trick Voldemort. Severus can't be…."

The Dark Lord's eyes darted towards them. Draco stood between them clenching his wand. Cissy cast a muffling charm over Lucius and Sasha. Harry restarted his verbal assault on his enemy and Voldemort's attentions were mercifully diverted away from the Malfoys.

"I'm sorry Sasha.." Lucius tried in vain to comfort his baby sister.

"Lucius. No! Tell me this isn't true." She grabbed his collar and pulled his face close to hers. "Please tell me it's a lie. It can't be. He's…he's all I have."

Lucius made no response but his expression was kind as he shook his head slowly. A horrible scream escaped as her knees buckled beneath her but Lucius caught her before she hit the floor. Her body shook with sobs against his chest as he held her tightly. "Shh, not here, not now, there's no time for it. Pull yourself together, we can all fall apart later." He held her tight and stroked her hair. "I've got you now. We'll get through it together."

She dutifully listened to her older brother and clenched her teeth hard as she attempted to pull herself together. However when she turned her eyes to Voldemort, she immediately became fully engulfed in hatred. The next moment happened quickly but felt somehow like slow motion. She narrowed her eyes and growled like a tiger, ripping herself free from her brothers grip. She reached for her wand and with one long stride her right foot landed on the long bench beside the Ravenclaw table. With the next lengthy stride her left foot hit the table as she raised her wand above her head and began her curse. As her wand came down she shouted with authority. "Avada Ka-" But she never finished. Lucius physically tackled her sending them both crashing down on the table and skidding twenty feet.

He was on top of her struggle to keep her restrained. "Let me go!" She screamed fighting with all her might to break free but as always, he was stronger. "God Damnit Lucius! Let me go!"

"No!" He grabbed her hand like a vice and held it until she stopped fighting. "No more violence Sasha. This ends for our family today."

They were overcome by a blinding flash of light that engulfed the room and some kind of explosion happened. Lucius reacted quickly covering her body with his to protect her from the fall out. For a brief moment everything went dark and then there was nothing but silence.


	93. Chapter 92 The Fall Out

CHAPTER NINETY-TWO

THE FALL OUT

Sasha and Lucius lay there in a heap, not moving but listening to the dust and debris settle for what seemed like a very long time. It was however only a matter of seconds for when the crowd looked about and saw that Harry was alive, and Voldemort was dead. Then they erupted into an outpouring of joyous cheers.

Lucius slowly climbed off of her and got to his feet. His wife and son immediately embraced him. Sasha weakly raised her head and watched the tender scene. Her eyes slowly scanned the room over the others, who were first and foremost embracing one another, then telling each other how much they cared and how happy there were. Her head was heavy in the knowledge that she had no one to embrace any longer, no one to tell she cared, no one to truly tell her that they cared for her. Her lids were heavy and as they drifted shut, large tears began to roll out down her cheeks. Unable to watch others rejoice, she slowly lowered her head back down on the table and didn't move.

The table was cool on her cheek. As she lay there, she felt more and more alone and wished the earth would open up and swallow her. She had nothing left to live for. What did it matter? No one would miss her now. If she died, would she meet Severus in the afterlife? Was that possible? Her thoughts drifted into a prayer like conversation to the man who would no longer be in her life. _Oh Severus how could this have happened? I can't believe you're really gone. How can you leave me now, now that we finally have our freedom? Please come back to me. I'm begging you. _She recalled the occasions when he had read, or perhaps just sensed her thoughts, and of the times when he was able to project his loving responses into her mind. She waited there, unmoving on the cold table for a response. It never came.

The only sounds she heard were those rejoicing around her and she was entirely resentful of their glee. What did they know? Severus was dead after all he had done for these ungrateful bastards. How dare they rejoice when they knew that he was gone? When this was outlined in history books, they would say they knew, they suspected, they were proud to call him friend. It would be disgusting to hear their lies while they rallied around his memory.

She began to feel eyes on her. _Well, I'm bound to be a curiosity when all this comes out. It's starting already_. She vowed immediately to herself that these ingrates would not see her cry, and slowly raised herself up on her elbows. Narcissa turned at that moment towards her. Pity was all over her expression as she put her arms around Sasha.

"Oh my dear, I'm so sorry." She was crying too as she helped Sasha to a sitting position.

Although she knew Cissy's heart was in the right place, she did not want anyone's sympathy at the moment. What she wanted most was solitude. She wanted to say goodbye to him in peace.

Lucius and Draco joined them cautiously. It struck her that men always seemed at a loss at these kinds of moments. You would think since they were the cause of most wars they would prepare for these inevitable moments, but they didn't. Perhaps it was a lack of foresight, or maybe they were so arrogant they couldn't fathom a loss.

"Severus was a very courageous man Sasha. We will all miss him greatly." Lucius manner was formal. He might as well be speaking to a complete stranger. His heart too however was in the right place, and she forgave him instantly. However she couldn't engage in this conversation. To engage in it would be to admit it had happened. It would be too real, and she wasn't ready for that. She had to get away from them.

"Take Cissy and Draco back to my rooms Lucius. Draco will show you the way. It's warded but the password is 'Prince'." She nearly choked, but cleared her throat and pressed on. "You should get away from the crowd before they get ugly and turn on you. I'm going to find Severus." She rose to leave.

"I'll go with you." Lucius said softly as he placed his hand on her back. She stared back at him, as usual unprepared for his rare displays of brotherly support and affection.

"No, thank you, but please stay with your family. I just want to say goodbye to him alone."

"I understand." He kissed her forehead. As she walked away she pondered those words. Could he really understand? Yes, perhaps he could. For he lost the one thing that was most dear to him, his good name. What terrible consequences would be following the three of them now? She shuddered to think of it. However she had worse troubles and had to confront them. So she began her trudge through the crowd.

All around her people were rejoicing. Friends, family, faculty hugging and crying and re-uniting, as she pushed by them most didn't even notice her. A few people spoke to her but she didn't hear them she walked through her own personal fog and patiently waited to speak to Harry.

His inner circle of friends surrounded him. He was visibly relieved, but his expression was not one she would call happy. It was difficult to label with just one word.

"Professor Malfoy!" Harry called to her and pushed through the crowd to reach her. He embraced her. They hugged in silence for some time. He was filthy and sweaty and she had the odd recollection that he smelled like his father when they would hug after a rough quidditch match. Strange what occurs to people in such moments. "I'm so sorry about Professor Snape."

"Where is he?" her voice quaked as she spoke.

"His body is in the shrieking shack. He died a hero professor." He said trying to comfort her.

"He lived as a hero," she corrected him with a smirk, "but not many people knew that." She felt herself on the verge of collapse and turned to start the long walk down to the shrieking shack to bring his body home to the castle.

She had just stepped outside when McGonnagal came calling after her. "Sasha, where are you going?"

"I'm going to see my Severus," and at that she began to come apart. She doubled over sobbing as McGonnagal put her arms around her and tried in vain to comfort her. "Please come inside Sasha. Let Hagrid bring his body back to the castle. There isn't a thing you can do for him now, and besides it's still not safe."

"What do you mean? Voldemort is dead." Asked Sasha through her tears.

"There are still some rouge Death Eaters roaming the grounds looking for their escape route and no telling what else. They may be looking for hostages. You should stay inside the castle until the grounds are secure," she urged.

"I'll kill anything that comes between us." Sasha deadpanned, "better yet maybe they will kill me. Please Minerva. I just need to do this. I need to say good-bye. Just the two of us one last time." She broke into fresh sobs. How was it possible to feel this bad? It was like nothing she'd ever experienced. She began to collapse but Minerva's capable arms steadied her.

"Heavens no, your in no shape to go wandering about the grounds. And look over there, one crawling up the hill right now. Come back inside before he sees us. He could be dangerous and we don't need any more problems." Minerva clucked around her trying to get her to come back inside.

"No. I'm going." Sasha turned to go but then froze in her tracks as she spied the figure crawling up the hill shrouded in black death eater robes that whipped behind him in the wind. He crawled over a patch of rock and as he did, blood soaked robes left a trail of red behind him. His hood blew back at that moment and she saw that he possessed a beautiful mane of dark hair, part of which was blowing in the breeze and the other part matted to his bloody face. Obviously he was gravely injured. His jerky unsteady movements showed that he was in terrible pain but he seemed to be willing himself forward.

Sasha froze and her eyes grew wide as they desperately tried to take it all in. She tried to breathe, but her lungs failed her, and she couldn't speak. Her quaking hand went involuntarily to her throat.

"Sasha what is it?" Minerva reached gently for her hand as she watched her reaction. Sasha grabbed onto her wrist with a vice like grip, wanting it, no willing it to be true. Her lung function slowly came back and a jubilant expression spread across her face as she screamed.

"SEVERUS!"

_AN: I just couldn't kill him. Not our man. Surely you all knew I wouldn't kill him. Screw canon! Snape lives! _

_PS-Anyone know what do do when you get the messsage "MDS Service Unavailable u2d" on a Blackberry while trying to access the FF site? Got a new phone and am very frustrated with not being able to read ff on it. _


	94. Chapter 93 A Hero's Welcome

CHAPTER NINETY-THREE

A Hero's Welcome

Unbeknownst to the Dark Lord, Rodolphus hid in the shadows and watched in horror as Nagini attacked Severus. The initial strike of Voldemort's Sectumsempra spell, followed by the serpent ripping through his flesh, caused an unbelievable gush of blood. That alone should have been enough to kill him but as Rodolphus knew all too well, Voldemort was a sadist. He pressed Nagini onward and she encircled the already gravely wounded man, crushing his bones until he went limp and nearly lifeless.

When the Dark Lord swept out of the room, Rodolphus was about to run to Snape's aid, but was surprised to find that they were not alone. He watched in astonishment as the young witch and wizard appeared seemingly out of nowhere, took the man's memory, and abandoned him to die, completely drained of everything he could possibly sacrifice, without so much as a backwards glance. Besides Sasha, Severus was the only other person who knew he had switched sides. They were his only hope to escape Azkaban. When he was sure everyone was gone, he knelt over Snape's bloody and mangled body, and took out his wand. Although far from being an accomplished healer, he had learned some rudimentary healing spells during his years of fighting for the Dark Lord. He chanted haltingly over Severus closing his wounds well enough to stop the bleeding. The moment the gash in his throat was sealed, Severus attempted to speak.

"Pocket." His voice was barely audible.

Rodolphus' eyes were wide as he tried to focus on what he was being told. He moved his ear close to his lips. "What pocket Severus?"

"Cloak" He growled through gritted teeth, trying to fight the pain. Rodolphus rummaged through his cloak pocket and found a vial of potion. "Pour it in." Severus said weakly and opened his mouth. Rodolphus quickly obeyed and shook it to extract every drop. Severus winced as he swallowed the healing potion and it burned through his body. "Find…Sasha."

"You're badly wounded Snape. I should stay with you."

"Go!" Severus tried to yell but it barely came out above a whisper. "Protect her. I need her."

Rodolphus understood well the depth of this man's devotion. He had felt this for Bella at one time. "I will." He responded before running off to the castle on what would be his final mission.

Severus fell unconscious shortly afterwards. When he awoke, he had no idea how long he'd been out. It could have been a few minutes, a few hours, or a few days. He didn't know. The only thing he knew was that he had to rejoin the fight. He had to help Harry kill Voldemort. Most importantly, he had to find Sasha and make sure she was safe. All hell had broken loose and if he knew her, she would be reckless enough to be in the thick of it. She would also be a high value target. The thought of his darling Sasha in danger got his adrenalin going again, and he struggled to get to his feet.

He got as far as a seated position but then realized, much to his horror that he couldn't feel or move his legs. He was paralyzed from the waist down. Groaning, he fell back down again. He lay there in disbelief, but trying to process this development. Was this to be his lot in life now? If he hadn't been unconscious too long, there was still a chance to repair the damage. He knew the potion well. It was quite an intricate blend and difficult to brew. However he would have to get to his lab quickly. If he could find Sasha on the way, she could assist him. With great effort, he rolled on to his stomach and began to crawl using only his elbows, out of the Shrieking Shack.

His legs were heavy as they dragged on behind him. His shoulders burned with pain, already bruised and strained from the great snake's attack on him. As he exited the shack, he looked up towards the ruins of the castle and gazed in horror at what was left. Hogwarts, so many times, he'd thought it was a prison, his own personal torment. However now, seeing it like this, he realized it was the only place he every truly felt at home. It was were he met Sasha, where they fell in love, where they made love for the first time, where they had arguments, and where they made up. It was where he proposed to her, and where she said she would marry him. Marry him. Would she still want to if he were unable to walk for the rest of his life? Was it fair to even ask that of her? He had no desire to be a burden to anyone, least of all her.

He snapped out of his reminiscing and pressed forward. Eventually, he reached the base of the semi-rocky hill, and paused for a moment to rest his aching shoulders before beginning his ascent. Immediately his thoughts drifted to Sasha. Given the condition of Hogwarts, it was quite possible she hadn't survived the battle, and he knew his must begin to prepare himself for that crushing reality. However, he couldn't stand the thought of it. He closed his eyes to recall the lovely vision of her as she looked on the veranda the night he kissed her. Would he ever be able to hold her close again? He rested his head on the cool earth and wished more than anything he could hear her say his name just one more time.

"SEVERUS!"

Severus thought he was surely hallucinating. Perhaps he'd lost too much blood.

"SEVERUS!"

His eyes snapped upward to the incredible sight of her running down the hill to him. Strength seemed to come back to him almost immediately, and he didn't look away as he continued to elbow crawl his way to her. He was never so grateful for anything in his life as the sight of this beauty running towards him with her arms outstretched. This is what life was about.

When she finally reached him, his arms gave way and he fell, exhausted into her arms. "Sasha, Sasha," he said her name over and over as she held onto him and rained tears on his forehead.

"Oh Severus, oh my darling, we all thought you were dead. Oh thank heavens you're alive. I couldn't stand living with out you." She clung tightly to him and he'd never felt more wanted or loved in his lifetime. "But I don't understand. Harry said he saw you die. How did you ever survive the killing curse?"

"It wasn't the killing curse," he breathed. "It was the snake. The Dark Lord's slip allowed me to survive." He sounded more like his old self, until he began to laugh, "I told you I could put a stopper in death." Sasha cried and laughed with him as she continued to hold fast against his body.

She pressed her forehead against his bloody cheek. "Oh my darling! All these years I thought you were just boasting." She pulled him closer still, but he pushed her away.

"Where is Harry? Where is The Dark Lord? I must…rejoin the fight." He said as he tried unsuccessfully to pull himself up.

Sasha steadied him. "It's over darling. It's all over. Voldemort died from his own rebounding curse." She held his face in her hands and looked him in the eye. "You've done it! You're a hero Severus."

For a moment, he merely stared at her trying to comprehend it all. Then he rolled over onto his back and breathed a great sigh of relief while staring up at the sky. "Is this real Sasha?" His dazed expression suggested to her that he wasn't processing at top efficiency.

"Yes Severus." Sasha leaned over and kissed his bloody hairline, smearing his blood on her face as she did. "It's all over. Let's get inside and I'll tell you everything."

Severus was still trying to wrap his mind around what she was saying. "You mean, we don't have to live like that anymore? We're free. Finally."

"That's right, but the grounds aren't secure yet, we have to get you to the castle. You're a prime target for refugee Death Eaters right now." She struggled to get to her feet but slipped and fell back down.

"Sasha, there's something I must tell you." He dreaded sharing news of his paralysis but it was only a matter of seconds before she figured it out on her own.

"Severus, let's get you inside where it's safe, and then you can tell me everything." She attempted to stand again, but she was standing on ice. Her legs went out from under her like a newborn colt's. Where was the ice coming from? Dark gray fog and mist circled rapidly in the sky. The air was suddenly freezing and the wind was blowing hard over the hillside. She knew that feeling too well. Dementors. At least six of the gray forms started to swarm over them. Sasha went for her wand but Severus, even in his weakened state, beat her to it.

"Expecto Patronum" his voice boomed as silver streaks shot through his wand and shielded them from the attack. Sasha's heart sank for she would rather face the dementor's kiss than see Lily illustrated in his doe patronus at such a moment. 'Why must THAT woman intrude on every moment of MY life?' she thought. It was childish she knew. He was trying to save her. It just felt so unfair. She stared blankly as the four-legged creature began to take shape. It didn't exactly take shape however. It grew larger and larger until it did not resemble a doe at all. It looked more like a horse. It grew a beautiful mane and suddenly, grandly, wings unfurled and it took flight. His patronus had changed into a Pegasus. It was now a reminder of the first morning they flew together over the Black Lake. She could finally trust that he was truly hers.

Dementors seemed to ricochet off the image and eventually began to leave the area. Two more patronus revealed themselves. Sasha looked for the sources and found Minerva, Hagrid and Horace running down the hill towards them.

"Did you see it?" Severus breathed as his wand hand dropped to the ground. "Did you see it Sasha?" He looked at her with heavy lidded eyes.

"Yes." She wept with her head over his. Her hair swung forward and they were hidden beneath it. "It was beautiful." His warm brown eyes gazed up at her and in that moment, they felt as if they were the only two people in the world.

"Remember the morning we flew together?"

"Yes of course. So beautiful." She was so ecstatic. She could barely make sense.

"That was the morning I knew I had to have you in my life. I didn't know I loved you then, but I knew you made me happy, and I needed you. I still need you."

The group of professors scrambling down the hill interrupted them.

"Professor Snape. Heavens! We all thought you were dead. Sasha I told you it wasn't safe out here and look what happened. Now I must insist we all get back inside until the aurors have properly swept the grounds." Minerva was extremely effective in a crisis. Sasha was grateful for someone bossy, as her mind was spinning at the moment. "Hagrid, help Professor Snape to his feet."

Severus ignored everyone else but grabbed Sasha's arm and waited until she looked him in the eye. "Sasha, I can't move my legs." His lower jaw shook as he dreaded her reaction. "I can't feel them either." He needn't have worried however. She didn't bat an eye but turned to Hagrid.

"Carry him Hagrid. He's too weak at the moment from loss of blood." Before Hagrid could reach him she whispered. "It's all right. I'm here now. Everything is going to be fine." Hagrid lifted him and began to carry him up the hill. He hadn't gone more than a few steps before Severus lost consciousness again.

When he awoke again, he was being carried into Sasha's quarters and laid on the bed. At least he assumed it was her bed. He recognized the feel of the softest down pillows and duvet, and could smell her perfume in the air. His eyes were still shut but he could hear Sasha barking orders to others in the room. "Narcissa, contact St. Mungos. Send for the best doctor you know. Draco, get that fire lit and then go to the kitchen and scavenge a pot of tea and a large pot of coffee."

"Sasha, wouldn't it be more appropriate to put Severus in his own bed in the Headmaster's office?" Minerva was, as always, concerned with propriety.

"Do you think he'll get a moment's peace in there? With all those portraits yapping and people coming in and out all the time? Not a chance, he's staying with me where no one can bother him. If you want to help him, send up some bandages. I'm not sure what I'll find under this bloody cloak."

Severus smiled dreamily to himself. Sasha was looking out for him. She was so caring even when she was snapping at others and barking out orders. She was doing it all for him. This made him happy.

"Lucius, help me get Severus out of these bloody clothes. You start with his boots. I'll work on his coat."

The sound of Malfoy's name suddenly brought things back into focus. He had unfinished business to attend to and it would not wait another second. "Lucius," Severus breathed, "did he survive?"

"Yes. Lucius is here." Sasha whispered and kissed his forehead. It was a completely different tone than she had taken with the others and he was struck by how she changed so quickly. "He's fine. So are Draco and Cissy."

"I need to see him."

"Alright but rest first." She stroked his blood soaked hair off his face.

"No. Now." He opened his eyes and raised his raspy voice as loud as it would go. "I have to see him now." He was insistent and Sasha knew better than to argue with him when he was like this.

"Lucius!" Sasha never broke eye contact with Severus but she frantically reached behind her for Lucius. She found his hand and pulled him forward.

He kneeled at the bedside. "I'm here Severus. What is it my friend?"

"Lucius," Severus paused and took a deep breath to compose himself. He was very concerned that he do this properly. "I'm in love with your sister Sasha." He heard her whimper a little and felt her squeeze his hand.

Lucius smiled weakly at him. "Yes, I've known that perhaps longer than you have."

Severus cleared his throat. "I don't know what's going to happen to me after all this is sorted out. If I can return to good health, and if I can escape being sent to Azkaban, I want to marry her. I've not much money, my reputation is…questionable and you must know I'm a…I'm a mud blood."

"Severus no." Sasha caressed his hand. "Don't say that word."

"It's true Sasha. It's just a word and I'm tired of lying about myself." Though addressing her, his eyes remained on Lucius searching for a reaction. It was important to him that they have her bother's consent. He wanted no more barriers or distress for either of them. "Lucius, rest assured I would take excellent care of her and work every day to make her happy. Please allow me to have your sister's hand in marriage."

Lucius smiled and looked back and forth from Sasha and Severus. "I can think of no one more deserving. I for one would be honored to have you as a member of our family. You rest now. You deserve a long rest my friend."

"There's a ring in my pocket. Get it." He could hear Sasha sniffing.

Lucius searched, found the ring, and handed it to Severus. He took it and turned to her, taking her left hand in his.

"Sasha."

"I'm here. Please, darling you have to rest."

"Sasha Malfoy, I love you with every fiber of my being. I'm going to ask you one more time. Will you please do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

"Yes Severus. You know I will. I love you. I can't wait to marry you."

He beamed at her and kissed her ring finger, covered in his blood, before slipping the ring on it. "Promise me you won't leave me. Stay with me while I sleep. I don't want to wake up if you're not here."

"Shhh, I'll be right here holding your hand. You rest now." She kissed his forehead and he closed his eyes. "It's over. Everything is going to fine."

"I love you Sasha." His kind eyes met hers. He enjoyed saying it. It filled his heart. "I should have told you that a long time ago but I was afraid."

"Shh…rest my darling. I love you too."

Weakly he smiled at her. "I'm going to tell you every day from now on."

"As will I. Everything will be perfect from now on."

"Yes." He whispered before drifting into slumber. "Perfect."

AN: Sigh…can we clone him? Everyone needs a Severus That's just about it other than a few loose ends that we need to wrap up and of course the obligatory epilogue. Hope you liked the (almost) ending. I wrote this chapter before I wrote anything else, so it was just a matter of 'how do they get there?' Didn't think it would take ninety some chapters but he's just so FUN to write about!

_Hope this puts you in a great mood for the weekend. Now I gotta go work on Igor._


	95. Chapter 94 Morning After

CHAPTER NINETY-FOUR

Morning After

For the second time Severus awoke without any idea of how long he had been asleep. His eyes flickered open and for a moment, as he tried to focus, he didn't know where he was. The first thing that came clearly into view was Sasha's graceful hand, adorned with his grandmother's ring, resting on his chest. It was really true. They could now go forward together. Smiling to himself, he breathed a sigh of contentment. He tried to open his eyes further to see where he was, but immediately squinted at the light pouring in through the window.

"Oh, I'm sorry darling. Is that too bright for you?" Sasha's voice sang out to him and he turned to find her lying beside him. Her hair was tousled about, she bore a cut above her left eye, and she still had spots of blood and soot on her face, grim reminders of the battle.

"No, don't get up. Stay right here." He mumbled weakly. "The warmth feels good." She settled back down against his chest and he took the opportunity to nuzzle his cheek against her hair. For a few brief moments, he felt completely relaxed. Their lives could finally blend together as they had always dreamed of. She belonged only to him.

It wasn't long however, before the troublesome details began to trickle back into his mind. The muscles in his arms and chest tensed as he recalled all of the new worries he now had to contend with. He was anxious to vanquish them and move forward. "What time is it?" His brusque tone sounded more like his old self.

"Ten in the morning." She replied softly, lazily. "You've only been asleep a few hours."

He began to stir; rising up on his elbows, but was quickly confronted with the ugly reminder that his legs were useless. Sasha knew of his ailment and she was still here, but he would have to act fast if he had any hope of recovery. "Help me up. I have to get to the lab immediately."

"The lab? Not a chance darling." She gently stopped him by putting her hands on his shoulders. "You're under strict orders to rest."

"I'm under no ones orders ever again." As great as he felt to say that, he couldn't enjoy the moment. Time was of the essence. "Please Sasha, I have to brew a potion for my legs, it may already be too late."

"Shhhh, lay back down my love. You're all taken care of. I have the potion right here. Time for another dose." She stroked his cheek and kissed his forehead soothingly.

He remembered nothing about a potion and shook his head trying to clear it. "Another? When did I take the first?" His mind was racing. The timing of the dosing was critical. "Where did it come from?"

"Dr. Hutchinson was here. He gave you the first dose, but you were pretty out of it, so no surprise you don't remember." She got out of bed and walked over to her writing desk. On top of it sat an expensive looking apothecary box that he hadn't seen before. Inside were dozens of small potion vials. She pulled one out and returned to him. "Now be a good patient and take your potion for me." She smiled, uncorked the vial and moved the now fogging green draught towards his lips. He eyed it suspiciously. "Oh, relax, he brewed it and brought it with him. I'm sure it's perfectly fine." Severus opened his mouth slightly and allowed her to give him the potion. When he had swallowed every drop, his head flopped back down on the pillow.

"Would that be THE Dr. Hutchinson, the head of the St. Mungo's research foundation?"

"The same."

Severus processed this for a few moments. Dr. Hutchinson was highly regarded as the foremost healer and researcher in their world. He felt honored, yet somewhat befuddled that he would be the attending healer. "What was he doing here? I thought he was years past house calls?"

"Narcissa sent for him."

"Narcissa?" Things were beginning to come back to him now. He recalled that Sasha's family had been in the room when he proposed, and that her brother had given his blessing. "Where is she? Where is Lucius?"

"I sent them away. You needed some peace. I hope you don't mind being here rather than your quarters. I thought this would be less disruptive for you. But if you want to be in your own bed, I'll send for Hagrid, and we can get you moved."

"Since when have I ever complained about being in your bed?" His flirtation produced the desired affect. She smiled and curled up next to him again. "I love you Severus."

"And I love you." The words he had so feared now flowed forth so naturally. He stroked her hair and thought about how fortunate he was to be able to do that anytime he wanted form now on.

She grinned back at him with an expression that he could only describe as goofy. "Are you hungry?"

"A little, but I'm too tired to eat. What did Dr. Hutchinson say?"

"He said you need several weeks of bed rest." Severus immediately rolled his eyes knowing he wasn't going to listen to this. "Don't roll your eyes at me. I'll see to it that you listen to your healer. He said as long as you take your potions, and let me massage your legs to keep the circulation going, you have a ninety-five percent chance of regaining full use of your legs."

"So there is a five percent chance I'll never walk again."

"No, there is a ninety-five percent chance that you WILL. Severus you've just defeated Voldemort. You're on a roll. I'll be an excellent nurse and everything will be fine."

He caught sight of the glittering ring on her finger again, and reached for her hand. He liked the way it looked on her. It was an outward sign to everyone that she belonged to him, that she was his intended. He smiled to himself and kissed her hand. His chest tightened as he thought there would be a five percent chance they would never be married. He refused to be a burden to her. He'd burdened her for too many years. His chest felt tight and he winced involuntarily.

She watched his brow furrowing, his well-defined worry line now prominent. She found this sign of character utterly Severus, and completely endearing. Unable to resist, she leaned over to kiss it until his facial features relaxed. He closed his eyes and sighed but remained deep in thought. Sasha missed the meaning. "Are you thinking about the battle?"

He decided the battle was a safer subject than his current disability. "Seems I was unconscious for the best part."

"How did you survive Severus? Voldemort obviously thought you were dead."

"I was nearly so. LeStrange saved me."

"Rudy?" His jaw tightened at this nickname but he knew he had to let go of his jealousy. It was unnecessary and counterproductive. He could finally think clearly in that regard.

"Believe it or not, but it is so."

"Really? How?"

"He closed my wounds after the snake attack. Not very well I fear." He looked down at his bare chest and studied the still raw slashes that streaked from his shoulders down to his groin. He dreaded looking in a mirror. Although, if Sasha now found him ugly, she didn't betray her thoughts. "His was less than proficient and I'm sure these will scar."

"I think they're sexy." She pronounced.

He smiled at her sweet gesture, surely she didn't mean that. "Very funny."

"No I do. You know most people have scars from the silliest, most mundane accidents. Then they lie and say they got it in a duel or something. You can swagger around and say 'Oh these? Yes, I got them fighting Lord Voldemort.'"

"I'll remember that." He raised an eyebrow at her, but only in jest.

"Sorry, pray continue."

"I'd made it a habit to carry an all purpose healing potion. He poured it down my throat. It was enough to fight off the snake venom and repair some vital organs. Then I sent him to find you for me. Will you send for him? I must offer my thanks."

She hesitated, biting her lip as she tried to decide how best to proceed. Despite the victory, there was so much bad news to tell him. Much as she wanted to shelter him from it, she knew he would press her for information. "Severus, he didn't survive."

He was silent, and seemed to withdraw into his thoughts again for several moments. Sasha didn't say anything, merely held his hand, stroking the scraped skin on the back of it. He was grateful to have someone who understood him so well in such a moment, someone he could share his thoughts and feelings with. "All his suffering, all his courage in the end, it seems it was all for not. How did he die?"

"Bella killed him." She choked; surprising herself once again that she had such a reaction to this man's death. "Cursed him while his back was turned. I saw the light leave his eyes."

Severus squeezed her hand, regretting that her gentle soul had to witness any of these terrible events. "Miserable woman. She should go back to Azkaban for the rest of her rotten life. Please tell me the aurors caught her"

"No. Molly Weasley killed her."

Again he stared at her in stunned silence. "Sweet Molly murdered someone. I'm sure she had good cause."

"Bella went after her daughter."

"There you have it." He waited for more information but she was not forthcoming, so he pressed on. "And there were others, I'm sure."

"Yes."

"Tell me."

"Remus and Tonks." She barely got the words out before she was sobbing, finally allowing herself to cry. Severus pulled her against his chest and held her tight.

"I'm so sorry Sasha. I know they were dear to you." He stroked her hair as she tried unsuccessfully to contain herself. Her shoulders shook as she sobbed softly.

"They just had a son together. Did you know that? Teddy. He'll grow up never knowing them." She sniffed and was calm for a second before fresh cried burst forth.

As much as it pained Severus to hear these things, he was immediately nervous for their relationship. With Sasha having such an attachment to her old friends, and her tender heart, she may want to raise this child. While he would never refuse her, it wasn't something he would choose. He wanted her all to himself, at least for a little while, before they had children of their own. They needed to settle into their new lives before they would be capable of provided a stable home for a child. However if it was what she wanted, he would give it to her. He adored her and would indulge her in anything. "Where is the lad now?"

"He's with Andromeda. Thank heavens he has her. She'll take such good care of him and he'll feel closer to his mother that way."

Severus breathed a guilty sigh of relief. He could now move on to other worries. "Where is Harry?"

"He was here. He's so grateful, and wants so much to talk to you. I told him you had to rest today, but perhaps tomorrow if you're up to it. I hope that's all right."

"Yes. You know just what I need. Tomorrow." The potion seemed to have a tranquilizing affect on him and he felt himself begin to drift into sleep again. "I'm sleepy."

"That's the potion Severus. You rest. I'll be right here beside you."

"Love you," he mumbled as he drifted off again.

When he awakened again it was dark outside. It was a moonless night and there was no light in the room. He didn't see her and was terrified. "Sasha! Sasha, where are you?"

"I'm here." She called from the chair next to his bed. I told you I wouldn't leave you.

"No right beside me." He stretched his arm out to make room for her. "I want to feel you against me. So I can know you're there."

"As you wish." She cuddled up beside him and sighed. He was thrilled at the thought of this witch forever beside him from this point forward. He vowed not to mess it up this time.

"Sasha?"

"Hmmm?"

"What kind of wedding would you like?  
"I don't care."

"Of course you do. All women care about that kind of thing. I suppose you want to have a lengthy guest list." He was more than a little hurt by her remark, but her next comment helped him make sense of it.

"All my friends are dead." She said flatly.

His heart sank. She was correct. The friends of her youth, her favorite cousins and her dear friend Igor were all gone. The latter was dead at his own hand and he realized he'd never even apologized.

"I'm so sorry about Karkaroff Sasha. Please say you believe me. I truly had no idea. I thought he was going to do you harm."

"I know Severus. No matter what you may have thought about him, I know you would never intentionally harm him." She assessed his sad expression and correctly determine that she had hurt his feelings a bit. "And I don't mean that I don't care about our wedding. Our marriage is the most important thing in the world to me. I only meant that I don't need some big event to celebrate it. I just want something simple, just you and I. I want to forget the rest of the world and run away with you."

"Then we shall do just that." He drifted off again.

As the days went by, Sasha kept her promise and took excellent care of him. She made sure he ate, took his potion and even read him The Daily Prophet each morning over breakfast although he suspected, correctly, that she censored it. She also screened his visitors. No one was allowed to see him except Minerva and Harry. Although there had been no official transfer of power, Minerva was, for all intents and purposes, Headmaster. He had no interest in retaining the post and was grateful that she took ownership of it. Harry stopped in daily and Severus seemed to enjoy their talks. No one else truly understood the depth of what they had gone through, and their visits seemed to be a healing experience for both of them.

Severus was beginning to have feeling return to his legs and eventually was able to start to take a few steps when steadied by Sasha. He was now confident that he would regain full use of his limbs. There was however one matter of concern. Not everything below the waist was regaining feeling. Sasha was pressed against him day and night and while mentally, he was ripping her clothes off, physically, he was comatose. The thought of never making love to her again was inconceivable and he didn't feel comfortable discussing it with anyone. The stress of his problem festered away inside him and he began to snap at Sasha and others. They did not seem to notice however as this had been his pattern for years.

Although she didn't press the issue, he knew she had to be wondering why he was less affectionate than usual. He found himself pulling away from her to avoid being in a situation that might make her question his lack of affection. She didn't make it easy for him though. She walked around the room in various states of undress and he found himself averting his eyes. She slept with her arms around him, her skin pressed against his bare chest, with one of her silken legs draped across him. Still nothing. He was becoming extremely irritable both from lack of lovemaking as well as the stress that his body was causing him. It was hard for him to face the truth, and so he escaped into slumber whenever possible.

One afternoon he awoke from his nap to Sasha doing the snapping at someone else. "No one sees Severus but Kingsley. That's my final word. He's not well enough for that even but Kingsley is a friend, so I'll allow it."

"You'll allow it?" Severus recognized a clipped London accent. Obviously a Ministry toadie. "You don't have a choice."

"The Ministry has proved to be quite an impotent organization," Severus winced at her choice of words, "you people need to wrap this all up as quickly as possible and you need a hero to energize the populous. Severus Snape can be your biggest ally or your worst enemy, take your pick but make no mistake, if you want him as an ally, you'll do it our way."

"Fine."

Sasha allowed Kingsley into the room and slammed the door shut in the ministry toadie's face. Her tone changed completely as she neared him. "Severus, Kinglsley is here to see you. Do you feel up to visitors my darling?"

"Of course. Help me up Sasha." Severus mustered as much dignity as he could as Sasha helped him prop up on some pillows. The two men greeted each other and then Severus began his very long story. Kingsly listened with rapt attention as the Prince's tale unfolded. An hour and a half later, Severus concluded his story.

Kingsley rose and shook his hand. "Well that should do it Severus. Certainly there will be no charges for you on the death of Albus Dumbledore. I'm sure you'll also earn the Order of Merlin for your valor. You get your rest for the award ceremony and don't worry about Azkaban." He paused to snicker. "Good thing too, Azkaban is bulging at the seems with all the dark wizards and witches we've rounded up."

Severus heard Sasha's breath catch and as he looked in her direction, he saw her eyes drop to the floor and a flush creep up her neck. She crossed her arms and walked over to the window turning her back on them.

Severus had long suspected she wasn't telling him everything out of worry for his mental state. He knew this was the perfect opportunity to find out the truth. "Oh, are there lots of people in Azkaban? That's good to hear. Tell me, anyone of note?"

"All of them are of note." Kingsley began in his deep voice. "Some high level some low level."

"Tell me who. I've been too weak to read The Daily Profit and I know my loving Sasha keeps things from me that she feels might upset me and impede my recovery." He looked at her pointedly but her back remained towards him.

"Well we finally caught Greyback. Very glad about that one, he was a menace you know."

"Yes, sadly bitter about his circumstance and taking it out on the world. Anyone else?"

"Crabbe and Goyle. They were never very smart and not too tough to catch."

"Hmmm. I'm sad for their families but it can't be helped."

"Rabastan LeStrange. He was no trouble after his brother and Bella were killed."

"Good. He's a psychopath."

"Oh, and Lucius and Draco Malfoy, but I suppose Sasha's told you that."

He felt a stab of pain knowing that she'd kept this from him. She slowly turned from the window to face him.

"Sasha…" he said with mild admonishment.

"I'm sorry Severus." She said weakly. "I didn't want to trouble you." She looked down at the ground. She stood so grave and frail, carrying this burden, not wanting to trouble him with her problems.

"No Kingsley. This has been kept from me." He watched her turn back to the window. He looked at her thin shoulders now slouched that bore such a heavy weight. He watched them rise and fall as she breathed a deep sigh of resignation. She was always putting him first. Not today. Starting today it would all be different. His course of action was decisive, and lightning fast.

"Lucius and Draco Malfoy were under the imperious curse." He raised his chin in defiance daring anyone to argue with him.

"What?" Kingsley shouted while Sasha merely turned to stare at him in stunned silence.

"Yes that's right. Both of them. For months. They had no control over their actions; the Dark Lord dictated all of it. They tired to leave the fold but he cursed them and stopped them from leaving."

His eyes locked on Sasha while this lie spewed forth.

Kingsley was suspicious and rightly so. "Severus, this is awfully hard to believe. Do you honestly expect that I can sell this idea to the Wizengamot?"

"You have the word of a national hero what more do you need?" He said haughtily while trying to sit up straighter. Sasha, fearing he might strain himself, immediately rushed over to help him.

"Severus really Lucius Malfoy? I mean no offense Sasha but he has become the poster boy for all blood intolerance of the Dark movement. The public demands retribution and I'm sorry but Draco must go down with him."

"They were under the imperious curse Kingsley. I'll say it in open court and in the Daily Profit and to anyone who will listen. Don't forget Narcissa played a very big part in bringing down Voldemort. Are you going to reward her by taking her family away?"

"Well no, but they have to pay for their crimes."

Sasha's eyes darted back and forth like she was following the golden snitch at a World Cup Match.

"There is no crime!" Severus waved his hand for emphasis. "Imperious Curse! That's it! Get them out immediately."

"Are you insane? I can't just release them!" Kingsley was beginning to recognize the gravity of his predicament.

"Kingsley, you need me. The ministry is an embarrassment. I can help you, or I can hurt you, your choice. I'm telling you for the last time, the Malfoy men were under the curse, get them out now."

Kingsley looked from Severus to Sasha. "Are you sure about this Severus? If something happens."

"I assure you Kingsley, neither Lucius or Draco will set a toe out of line. I will accept full responsibility if they do."

"All right then." Kingsley stood. "I'll send word when they are released."

As he reached the door he turned to Sasha. "You know, he loves you very much."

Sasha merely nodded, still unable to speak and terrified she would say the wrong thing.

"Oh Severus," as soon as the door was shut she ran to his bedside and embraced her hero. "Thank you. Oh my darling, I can't believe you did that."

"Shh, Lucius is your brother Sasha. I won't let any harm come to him even if he deserves it."

"Oh you're so wonderful." She hugged him tightly, kissed him, but then pulled away abruptly. "Severus are you certain this is going to work? I mean this is dangerous, to lie to the Ministry."

"Bugger the Ministry. Sasha, your happiness is all I care about. For all his faults I know you'd be miserable if Lucius was locked up, and really Draco was just a boy, bullied into the whole thing. If it takes a little white lie to help your family then so be it."

"Severus this is more than a little white lie. More like a whopper!"

"A whopper then. So be it. I've been controlled by everything around me for so long, I'm entitled to some indulgences." One corner of his mouth turned up in a half smile. She was shocked that he could be so cavalier at such a moment. Then again, he'd lived on the edge for so long, this probably came quite naturally to him. She felt safer than she'd ever felt in her life.

"You're drunk with power."

"I'm drunk with love."

"With what?"

"Love." He paused; he'd said it without meaning to. "I…I love you Sasha. I should have told you years ago but I was afraid. I love you though, I have for such a long time. I promise from now on I'll tell you every day. I'll tell you all the…" but his words were lost in her kiss.

_AN: Slimy ole' Lucius, he gets out of everything! Sorry, I just couldn't have him in prison. He's too pretty and we can't have him being someone's bi-atch. _

_You're probably ready to kill me…after all this…erectile dysfunction…bummer…._

_I would love to have Snape in one of those commercials LOL! Never fear, this is a temporary issue. (Spoiler) _


	96. Chapter 95 Post Traumatic Stress

CHAPTER NINETY-FIVE

Post Traumatic Stress

Severus grew a little stronger each day but predictably would not rest as he was told. A heavy weight was on his shoulders, as he felt responsible for everything that had happened. For years he'd felt that by revealing the prophecy, he subsequently set forth a terrible sequence of events. Now that it was all over, he felt responsible for the lives lost, and particularly the young pupils in his charge. There were so many lives ripped apart, and his tender heart felt a need to atone for it all. He attended many funerals; he wrote many letters to families, he visited the injured in the hospital. Although unsure how to express his emotions in such circumstance, he felt it was his duty, and did his best. The families, and the injured, appreciated the gesture, even if his manner was rather clumsy. By and by, the wizarding community began to take a very different view of Severus Snape. The man they thought so cold and callous cared very much about people and the welfare of their world. They would whisper after he walked away from them, his pace slowed by his injuries, "Such a caring man. All these years, working so tirelessly and so misunderstood,"

They were pleased to hear that he and Sasha were engaged, despite the fall from grace her family had experienced. It was generally felt that he deserved some happiness after a lifetime of strife. People looked forward to any news of the wedding and scoured The Daily Prophet for any newsy nugget. If there were no news, Rita Skeeter would invent a juicy tidbit, invariably drawing a nasty owl from Sasha.

Surprisingly though, there was minimal public outcry over the release of Lucius and Draco. The public for some reason was letting them off the hook. Perhaps it was the good word of Severus Snape, national hero, or perhaps it was because Narcissa, who everyone now knew played an invaluable part in bringing down Lord Voldemort, loved them. But whatever the reason, they received a pass in the court of public opinion. As much as Severus loathed telling another lie, he couldn't bring himself to regret getting Lucius off the hook. He understood that he could never have defied Voldemort and kept his family from harm. It simply wasn't an option.

He was up early today as always, writing an excruciating letter to the Creevey family who lost their sons. He'd started the letter with the customary, "First let me say how profoundly sorry I am for your loss," but now he was stuck. He stared at the parchment but could only see the fresh-faced young lad's face before him. What could he possibly say to these people? Though he'd only gotten up fifteen minutes ago, he was already exhausted. The stress was impeding his recovery.

An owl entered through the open window and he was relieved for the interruption, until he saw the familiar Malfoy crest. "Dear Severus, We hope that you and Sasha will accept our invitation to dinner tomorrow night. We are forever in your debt. Sincerely, Narcissa. He smirked to himself when he saw the signature. Narcissa inviting rather than Lucius, when he should be kissing his feet at the moment. He slouched back in the Headmaster chair and eyed Dumbledore's portrait. "No good deed goes unpunished does it Albus?"

"Sadly true my son." The portrait responded and then winked at him. "But we do good deeds anyway don't we?"

Severus smiled at the portrait and nodded. Their conversation was interrupted by Sasha entering the room with a large tray, and fussing over him.

"Darn it Severus! I told you not to get up until you had eaten something. Here it is seven o'clock and you're already working. How do you ever expect to get better at this rate? Here," she set the tray on top of his letter and began to pour his tea as he gazed dreamily at her, like a lovesick schoolboy. "Drink your tea." She handed him the cup and watched him take a sip before she began to spread a little honey on his toast. "Now I'm not leaving until you eat every bit of this, so if you want to get back to work, you'd better listen to me. Albus, tell him he has to eat if he wants to get better."

The portrait responded with a twinkling eye. "You have to eat if you want to get better Severus. I wouldn't argue with ladies if I were you."

Severus sighed and took a bite of the toast she handed him. He was quiet this morning, the Creevy family weighing heavily on his mind.

"Are you all right Severus? You look a little pale." Sasha stroked his hair and put her hand to his forehead.

"I'm fine darling." He said softly. "Perhaps I just need some sun. Let's go for a walk this afternoon." He enjoyed their walks about the grounds.

"Sounds lovely, but not too far. I don't want you to overdo it." Another owl flying in with a post delivery, this time for Sasha interrupted them. There were two letters which she perused as he munched on his toast. He noticed a Drumstrang crest on one of them. She gave a melancholy smile as she read it.

"Who's writing to you from Drumstrang?"

"Well, it's a job offer actually."

"Job offer?"

"They would like me to sit on the Board of Trustees."

"Why would they ask a Hogwarts alum and a female at that?" He raised an eyebrow at her but sadly, knew the answer to his question.

"They want me to help raise money for the Karkaroff memorial scholarship fund. Also a new quidditch pitch to be named after him. Seems when they learned of his work with the Order as Ivan, they decided to canonize him." She bit her lip and assessed his reaction but he was expressionless. "I'll write to them tomorrow and tell them no. I have more important things to do here."

"Sasha, take the position. A seat on the board won't take up much time and I think it would be a nice gesture if you helped raise the funds." He would rather die than add that it would be a paid position and the income wouldn't hurt. He had minimal savings and he assumed that once Sasha married him, she would be cut off from any Malfoy income. As soon as he wrapped up business at Hogwarts and Minerva was officially appointed Headmaster, he was out of there. He didn't know what he was going to do, just that he had to get out for his sanity's sake. Why would she want to marry him? He would have savings for a little while, but within a year or two, be destitute. Never one to trouble herself over details, Sasha never asked about his finances. He felt his hands begin to sweat.

She stared at him in shock. "Are you sure you don't need to lay down? You aren't yourself this morning."

He smirked. "I do not need to go back to bed and I assure you I am quite myself. I know you can't be idle. You've always worked and I don't expect you to quit working just because of me. I want you to do what you enjoy. I know you feel guilty about missing his memorial service."

"No I don't." She spoke gently and took his hand. "My place was here with you. It still is."

He smiled at her but it was a touch patronizing. "I'm much better now. Take the position. It will alleviate some of the guilt you feel about him."

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather I accepted a different position?"

"No, I think it's appropriate that you take this one. You two were good friends."

"And you aren't jealous?"

"It would seem someone wishes me to believe I owe him my happiness."

"What do you mean?"

Severus sighed wondering if he should continue, then he decided he should be honest with her. "After he died. That is after the first time he died. I received a letter supposedly from him."

"A letter?"

"Basically it said that I was a fool who didn't deserve you. He went on to enumerate many wonderful things he knew about you that I didn't. I suppose he felt since he'd made such an effort to know all about you, that he deserved you. He told me I was missing out on the chance of a lifetime."

Sasha was touched that Igor would make such a selfless gesture. "That's very sweet."

Severus rolled his eyes. "But, I don't believe that he wrote it."

"Really? Why is that?"

"It doesn't add up. Why would he send that letter if he was alive and knew he would come back to you as Ivan."

Sasha was silent for a moment as she considered this. "Good point. Perhaps he wasn't planning on coming back when he wrote it."

"I think someone else sent it."

"Who?"

He shrugged. "Lucius maybe?"

"Haha!" The thought of Lucius making such a grand gesture in a matter that didn't affect him directly was truly amusing to her. "That would imply that he was thinking about someone other than himself. Besides, he was in Azkaban right after Igor's death."

"Narcissa then?"

"No, she had more important things to worry about with Lucius in jail and Draco trying to kill Albus. Do you still have the letter?"

"Yes. Hand me that box on the second shelf." He motioned to the box that he nicked from Grimmauld Place after Sirius died.

"Sirius had a box like this."

"Not anymore." Severus spoke the password. "Get out of my stuff Regulus."

"Ha. I see I'm not the only one who pilfers through people's things after they die."

Severus handed her the letter and she began to read. Emotions immediately got the better of her and she covered her mouth to hide her trembling lower lip. "This is so sweet."

He immediately regretted showing it to her. He didn't find it sweet at all. He snatched the letter back and returned it to the box.

"Igor wrote it." She stated with authority.

"I know you want it to be true, but it's highly unlikely."

"Severus, he did tell me that I should confess my love for you after the tournament. But that is something I never shared with anyone. He's the only one who knew about that conversation. This couldn't have come from anyone but him." She smiled to herself thinking about what a difficult and selfless gesture this was for her dearly departed friend. "I can't believe he remembered that stupid butter beer incident." She turned to Severus who was now staring at his desk with no expression on his face. He was growing distant again. "All this aside, I would feel disloyal to you if I accepted the position."

"He's dead at my hands. I can hardly begrudge him anything now."

She was by his side in a second, kneeling on the floor beside his chair. "Please don't say things like that. It wasn't your fault. You did what you thought was right at the time." She wound her hands through his hair and kissed him softly. He pulled away from her, as he was prone to do these days. "I hate seeing you like this Severus. You have to stop thinking everything is your fault. If it weren't for you, we'd all be under Voldemort's thumb."

"So much loss Sasha. Some so great people will never get over them. I'm writing to the Creevey's today. That's is I'm trying to, I just don't know what to say to them anymore."

"Severus that's another thing. While I think it's admirable to write these letters and attend these funerals, it's wearing you down and slowing your recovery. Maybe we should go away for a few days, just the two of us." She kissed his neck and whispered seductively in his ear. "Wouldn't that be lovely? We could go anywhere you want and just enjoy each other." She pulled her body closer to his and although his heart was aching for her, the rest of his body did not cooperate.

He reached up and pulled her hands away from his neck. "Not now Sasha. I have things that have to be done and they can't wait." Her sad expression was like a dagger in his chest. "Don't look at me like that. It won't be like this forever." But he wasn't convinced of that himself. "Who's the other letter from?" He was anxious to change the subject, anything to buy him some time.

She turned back to the desk, picked up the envelope and looked at it. "Don't know. It's addressed to you." She tossed it at him and sat back down across from him feeling utterly rejected and not understanding why he was acting like this. He opened the letter, read it quickly and then snorted before tossing it back at her. She picked it up and read it. "Order of Merlin to be awarded to Severus Tobias Snape. It's about time." She beamed at him. "Are you excited?"

He shrugged and rolled his eyes. "I guess."

"It's a great honor Severus and about time you received some recognition in my opinion. The ceremony is in London day after tomorrow."

"You'd better start shopping for your ensemble." He teased.

"I could say the same for you."

"You pick something out for me." He continued in a businesslike tone. "Also Narcissa invited us to dinner tomorrow. Is that alright with you?"

"I guess."

"Good, Now run along please. I have much work to do and although you are a lovely distraction, I have to get back to it."

"Oh, sure." She kissed him goodbye and sulked out of his office. Was this what their life would be like? Him working all the time and pushing her in to charitable projects and shopping excursions. I wasn't how she pictured it. This life was fine for some women, women like Narcissa. It wasn't how she wanted it though.

The evening of their dinner with Lucius and Narcissa was so awkward it felt like a first date. It was like they didn't know what to say to each other anymore, and Sasha couldn't understand it. Severus was preoccupied. Lucius and Narcissa however were the perfect hosts and put them both at ease immediately. Lucius kept the fire whiskey flowing early and often and Severus seemed to relax, relax for him that is. By dinner's end they were laughing and joking together like there had never been a war.

Lucius seemed to enjoy their company and watched the two of them together very carefully. He was pleased to see them look at each other with such love in their eyes and particularly pleased that Sasha would finally be happy.

"Sasha, I heard through the grapevine that you're going to be sitting on the Drumstrang board." Lucius raised an eyebrow at her. "Are you sure that's a good idea? Those Drumstrang people can be so coarse and difficult."

Sasha hesitated, unsure how to proceed. Although Severus said he didn't mind, she wasn't sure she believed him considering the history. Severus however answered for her. "I think it's wonderful." He beamed at Sasha, proud to have a fiancé that was offered such an important position. "Karkaroff in any form was a good friend so Sasha, and I think it's wonderful that she has chosen to honor his memory in such a productive manner."

Sasha gaped at him.

"I do. It's very admirable Sasha." He raised his glass to her.

"That's very generous of you Severus. I'm not sure I'd be so understanding if Narcissa was raising money to honor an old boyfriend."

"Lucius!" Sasha glared at him in horror.

Severus placed his hand gently on hers. "No, it's alright Sasha. I don't expect people to understand us." He waived his other hand dismissively.

Narcissa sensed a storm brewing and tried to make peace. "All's well that ends well. Now you're planning your wedding. Have you set a date yet Sasha?"

"Oh, uh no. We've both been very busy." Sasha was loath to talk about the wedding. Severus never wanted to discuss it and became more distant by the day.

"No date yet?" Narcissa seemed to feel this was a social faux pas. "Well have you thought of a venue?"

"No, when the time is right, it will be something very simple."

"Simple?" Now Narcissa was simply appalled. "You're a Malfoy heiress and Severus is a National Hero. You have to have a grand event. The public demands it."

"Oh bugger the public," Sasha snorted. "Neither one of us are much for grand events Cissy."

"Yes but consider what our world has just gone through. We've all experienced such misery we could use a hopeful event like a wedding to heal our hearts."

"Don't put all that on us."

Severus listened to the banter and finally decided to offer his opinion. "Perhaps she is right Sasha. It would do everyone a world of good to get involved in something positive."

"What? You're for this?"

"I know you want to play princess even if you deny it. Why don't you two start planning this grand event."? He didn't want a large wedding however it would occupy her time and buy him some time, which he felt he needed.

"Plan it here at Malfoy Manor." Lucius suggested, always loving a party. "We could use some positive energy here."

"Severus are you sure?"

"Positive."

Cissy squealed with excitement and hugged Sasha who stared at Severus trying to figure out what just happened. "Come on Sash, let's take a walk in the garden. I just love an outdoor wedding." She pulled her away as Sasha looked pleadingly back at Severus.

"Will you join me for cigars and brandy Severus?"

"You know I never smoke but I will indulge in your brandy." They left the balcony and walked to the library. Severus recalled their last chat in that room.

"So Severus, tell me do you intend to remain on as Headmaster?"

"Certainly not, I'll resign as soon as a new one can be appointed."

"And then what will you do?"

"I haven't decided yet."

"Haven't decided?" Lucius was obviously annoyed. "You're about to marry my sister, don't tell me you don't know how you intend to support her. Or are you planning on living of our family money?"

Severus glared at him and wondered why he'd ever decided to help this man. "I do not. Something will come along." He hated himself and the feebleness of his tone in the moment. He sounded just like his father when someone would needle him about being perpetually unemployed. It was why his mother's family had cut them off.

"Well don't just sit around waiting for something to come along. You have to make your own opportunities. Sasha has very expensive tastes and she's never had to do without. She thinks she's low maintenance but she's not at all. You'll need a small fortune just to keep her in racing brooms, designer boots and lattes"

Severus gazed around the room at his surroundings. They were in the very ornate Malfoy library, with its gigantic chandeliers, rare books, expensive furniture and vintage liquor. He could see out the window across the expansive grounds with gardens, fountains and peacocks strutting around. How could he ever keep this woman content on his meager earnings, much less if he was unemployed? By the time the women rejoined them he was beyond irritated. He mentioned to Sasha that he was tired and they quickly made their excuses to leave.

When they returned to Hogwarts, they walked in silence back to Sasha's quarters. As soon as they were behind her door she pressed against him and pulled his lips to hers. His heart raced and he kissed her back but again, nothing else happened. He began to pull away, but she was a little drunk and undeterred. She moved her lips along his jaw line. "I'm so happy we're moving forward with the wedding. I was beginning to think you didn't want to marry me anymore." He winced. "It's been so long since we made love Severus." She ran his hands down his chest and across his stomach and he began to panic. "I miss you. Please make love to me." Her hand began to slip behind his belt but he quickly jerked her hands away.

"Not tonight Sasha."

"But Severus." She whimpered and he was terrified that she might cry. How he hated hurting her.

"I have work to do. I've never finished that letter to the Creevey's"

"The letter can wait." She stamped her foot like a peculate child.

He smoothed her hair and tried to calm her. "Go to bed my dear. The Order of Merlin Ceremony is early tomorrow and we both need our rest."

"I need you Severus please." Her voice was shaking.

"I'll see you in the morning." He kissed her forehead quickly and left without a word. He knew he wouldn't return to her quarters tonight. He would spend the night with only his self-loathing to keep him company. His life was supposed to be better now, why was everything going so terribly wrong? He was about to be unemployed, he had no prospects, his wife would have monetary expectations, they had no place to live, and he couldn't perform physically. Why would anyone want to be shackled to such a loser for the rest of their life? What was wrong with him?

Sasha cried for hours after he left. Everything was supposed to be perfect now. They were free. Only now, it was as if he didn't want her anymore. It was like he was bored with her. He wasn't even interested in sex. She looked at herself in the mirror and hated what she saw, eyes puffy from crying and face red as well. He wasn't even resentful that she would be working for the Karkaroff foundation, and that was usually the ringer if she wanted to push him over the edge with jealousy. What was wrong with her?

She slept little that night, cycling between unrestful dosing and long periods of being wide awake. During those times, thoughts and worries turned over and over in her mind. By the time 9am rolled around and Severus came to get her to leave for the ceremony, she was done with sadness. Now she was furious.

She wasn't quite ready to leave when he entered her room. _It just figures he would be early today when I don't want to see him_! Sasha jerked the brush violently through her hair and slammed it back down on the dressing table. She tried on various pieces of jewelry only to throw them across the room when she didn't like the way items looked with her outfit. She did the same thing with her shoes and other items around the room as she prepared to leave.

Severus watched her first with apprehension and then began to become angry. He loathed it when she behaved in such a childish manner. Why couldn't she control her emotions? "Something vexes thee?" He said snottily with one eyebrow cocked in the air.

"Vexes? Yes. You could say something vexes me."

"Care to share the issue with me so we may discuss it rationally. Or do you intend t just throw your little tantrum all morning?"

"Gee I don't know." She said as haughtily as possible. "I haven't decided yet."

"Out with it."

"You haven't touched me in months! Not since the battle!"

He sighed, he shouldn't have asked. He had zero intention of discussing this problem this morning. "Don't be ridiculous, of course I have."

"See! You don't even remember!"

"Now this is a useful discussion but one that must be continued later. We have to go. Bad enough I have to endure this charade of a ceremony today. Let's not be late." He turned towards the door.

"When will there be time Severus?" She put herself directly in his path. Why are you pushing me away?"

"I don't want to push you away."

"Then what's wrong? Don't you want me anymore? That's is isn't it?"

"No not at all."

"Yes it is. You haven't laid a hand on me and the healer says you're fully recovered."

"It's not that simple."

"Yes it is. Regulus was right. The surest way of getting rid of a man is giving in to him."

"That's ridiculous." He sighed heavily. Why did she become so irrational when they argued?

"No it's not. Once the thrill of the chase is gone, you're bored with me. You avoid me. You pull away from me. It's been days since you kissed me. You don't want me." Her eyes burned with tears about to roll.

"Sasha, I love you. I want you. Please believe me. We're just very busy. I have a lot on my mind. I suppose I'm not quite fully recovered. I'm just exhausted all the time." None of it was a lie.

"You're working too hard as usual." She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. "Oh Severus, I know you must think I'm being terribly childish after all you've been through, but I just miss being together so much."

"Sasha, please don't cry." He wrapped his arms around her and rocked back and forth in an attempt to sooth her like a child.

"I can't help it. I love you so much. I love the way you used to touch me, the way you used to look at me. You don't do either any more."

They were interrupted by a knock at the door. "Severus, Sasha, are you ready to go?" Minerva called out to them.

"Yes, just a moment." Sasha pulled away to collect herself, but Severus took her face in his hands. He knew what he had to do. After the ceremony, he would tell her everything, the money, their living situation, his position and the most unpleasant thing of all. He held a small glimmer of hope that she would agree to stay but it was very small. "I love you Sasha, more than ever. I have so much to tell you but you may not want to hear it."

"You're scaring me."

"Don't be scared. We've been through worse and survived. It will all be okay. After the ceremony today, I'll tell you everything." He kissed her softly on the forehead. "I promise."

"All right."

"There." He removed a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped her eyes. "Don't cry. All eyes will be on you, on both of us today."

"No pressure." She smirked as they left the room.

Severus held her hand tightly as they walked to the apparation point. He was about to receive the highest honor in their world but he couldn't focus on the moment. He was consumed with worry that everything he'd ever wanted in life was about to vanish, that all his circumstances were crashing in on him and he was powerless to stop it. What Severus Snape didn't know however, was that today, his luck was about to change.

_AN: Poor Severus, so terrified of telling her his embarrassing little problem. Like she's going to leave him over that? That's really not a spoiler unless you are really out of touch with the story__ Only 3-4 more chaps left boohoo…._

_Oh and speaking of the Igor Karkaroff Foundation, the first five chapters of Desperate Measures starring the Suave Slav are up and eagerly awaiting your feedback. It's a little darker, and a little grittier. I'm very excited about the story for many reasons and it's just gushing out. I would just love to know what you think, so if you have a moment, please make my day and check it out. Oh and please leave a review. For those of you who dig Lucius, he is featured prominently however be warned, he's a VERY naughty boy. Sasha and Severus also make cameos but they won't follow the Second Chances storyline._

_OK enough of my shameless plugs. Hope you like this installment! _


	97. Chapter 96 The Order of Merlin

CHAPTER NINETY-SIX

ORDER OF MERLIN

The auditorium at the Ministry of Magic was packed full of honored guests. Severus, along with Harry, Hermione, and Ron, who were also to receive the Order of Merlin First Class today, were seated on the stage. There would be others who would receive awards, later and of lesser rank, but today was the most important in the eyes of most people. Severus always thought he deserved recognition, but today he was in no mood. As Kingsley made the first of many speeches, Severus looked out across the crowd searching for Sasha. He found her, front and center, her adoring expression looking back at him. She smiled when he caught her eye and mouthed the words "I love you." Her face was so full of hope. How could he tell her everything that was wrong? He was supposed to cherish, keep and protect her all the days of their lives, and now, before their life together had even started, he was bringing nothing but trouble to the table. _Once, just once, why can't I have the happy ending? What more can I give of myself so that I may be deserving? I can't to do any more. I have nothing left_.

"Severus Tobias Snape" Kingsley called his name, and he stood to receive his award. A heavy medal was placed around his neck, he was handed an envelope, his picture was taken, and that was it. That was it for a lifetime of sacrifice. He watched the others receive their awards and wondered what was going through their minds, particularly Harry's who had lost the most, even before he knew he had. He looked back at Sasha who was still gazing back at him. Despite her tantrum while dressing that morning, she looked lovely to him. She wore a dark blue dress that skimmed over, but did not hug her body. The neckline was modest and her hair was down but appropriately tamed for the occasion. Her appearance was rather toned down for her, and he knew she chose everything to please him. She beamed when he made eye contact with her and he knew she hadn't taken her eyes off him. The pride in her eyes was heartbreaking. He so wanted to be the man worthy of that adoration.

After the ceremony, he attempted to reach her. However, they were separated by a crush of people, well-wishers, reporters, and those wanting photo opportunities. When he finally reached her, he collected her into his arms and kissed her softly, wishing they were alone. Unfortunately, he was quickly reminded that they were not, as the flash of at least 10 cameras lit up around them. This photograph was sure to be front-page news everywhere, and he cringed at the thought of his personal life being plastered all about The Daily Prophet yet again.

He held her close despite the paparazzi, and whispered into her ear. "Are you ready to go home?" As much as he was dreading the inevitable, he had to get out of there.

She whispered back without pulling away. "Yes darling. I'm so proud of you." Her admiration was intoxicating to him. He always felt cared for when she looked at him in this manner. Their closeness was his sanctuary, and he was ready to go back and hide within it. He was nervous though. She had no idea what was coming.

"Not so fast!" Narcissa interrupted them. "You're coming with us Sasha." Molly and Ginny stood behind her smiling, which struck Sasha as odd. What would they be doing with Cissy?

"Coming with you? Where are you going?" Sasha was also craving being alone with Severus, and in no mood for a detour with her sister-in-law.

"Malfoy Manor." Molly grasped her hand and smiled. "It's your surprise bridal shower."

"My what?" Sasha didn't bother to disguise her annoyance. Although she knew they meant well, she just wasn't in the mood for it today. Since the battle, she hadn't been feeling particularly social. With Severus feeling so sad, and tending to do too much, she didn't think it was wise to leave him alone.

"Well we knew you wouldn't be much for a hen night so we opted for something a little more refined. And I don't want any arguments either." Narcissa grabbed her hand and looked at Severus, seeking his support.

"Did you know about this?" Sasha asked Severus. He shook his head no.

"Come on." Molly squeezed her other hand. "The girls have been planning all week, don't disappoint them."

With Cissy pulling one hand and Molly holding her other, she knew she had no say in the matter. Sasha sighed knowing there was no way out of this pre-wedding tradition. She might was well get it over with. Besides, it was progress to see Cissy connecting with the likes of Molly. Perhaps they could put all their pasts and prejudices behind them and live harmoniously. "Severus, will you be alright for a couple hours?"

"Yes, of course," he lied. "Go enjoy yourself."

"All right but I'm not having a late night." She turned to Cissy. "I will not wear a plastic tiara or a sash. I will not do shots of alcohol."

"Oh pooh," Cissy interrupted her, "This will merely be a little dinner among some women of good society to celebrate your engagement."

Sasha laying down her rules amused her fiancé. It sounded like something he would do, and it made him feel better to think she was turning away from some of her wild behaviors of the past without prompting from him. He wondered if it was right to allow her a few more moments of happiness before he leveled with her, or if it was more humane to tell her right away. It didn't matter. Molly and Cissy were formidable women in their own right. United, he didn't have a chance.

Lucius joined them at this point in the conversation. "Don't worry about him Sasha." He slapped Severus on the back, which earned him a dirty look. "We have plans for him as well. It's your stag party Severus.".

Sasha burst out laughing, at the thought of Severus at a stag party. He was so reserved, and she knew what ever her sneaky brother had planned, Severus would hate it. Well, if she had to suffer through a hen night, he might as well suffer through a stag night.

"What?" Severus sneered not bothering to cover his annoyance either. "Lucius, that's quite impossible. I have an appointment with the Minister before leaving, and I need to speak with Dr. Hutchinson as well."

"Perfect, they're all invited." Lucius, as always thought of everything. All the excuses were taken away, and Severus had no choice but to be dragged along.

"Lucius, don't you dare keep him out late. Severus can't tire himself out because you're having fun."

"Oh relax, he won't exert himself. Don't be such a mother hen." He waved the back of his hand in annoyance with his sister's instructions. "Come Severus. The world is our oyster."

Sasha gave him a quick peck on his cheek. "Don't stay out too late Severus."

"I won't. I don't want to go in the first place. I'd rather be with you." He was dreading what Lucius might have in store for them. He had no interest in loose women and was sure Lucius wouldn't plan a stag night without a few of them.

"Well it appears I'll be at my shower with all the girls so I'm sorry, but you can't come. No boys allowed." She smiled at him like a little girl.

"All right. Give us a moment." He pulled her away from their friends so he could say goodbye. Rita Skeeter casually followed them but Severus cast a muffling charm to protect their conversation. "You know I'd rather go to Azkaban for the night than attend this function."

"I know, but it's a tradition. I think it's less about what the groom wants and more about his friends having an excuse to have a party."

"I'll come back as soon as I can get away."

"Take your time. I trust you Severus. We have our whole lives ahead of us."

A vibration rattled through his heart. He hoped there would still be truth in that statement after he explained their plight. "Sasha, I know things haven't been what you expected. I've been distant, I've thrown myself into work and we haven't had as much time together as you would like. I'm sorry. I love you. We'll talk tonight."

"Snape! Let's go!" Lucius was now gathered with Kingsley, Hutchinson and surprisingly, Arthur Weasley.

Sasha glanced over at them and then back at Severus. "Well that's a motley crew if I've ever seen one. I think you'll be fine." She snickered thinking he couldn't possibly get into much trouble with those guys. If Lucius was expecting a wild evening, he would surely be disappointed. If Sirius and Igor were alive and attending, she may have been worried, but these gentlemen were fairly tame.

"Sasha, time to go!" Cissy was calling her from the opposite direction.

"I'll see you tonight." She gave him a quick peck on the cheek before joining the girls at the nearest floo.

Lucius took them to a rather upscale place in the West End of London. It was decorated in deep shades of red and green with lots of dark woodwork and brass fixtures. They were seated in a private room and almost immediately, were served dinner and various libations by very tall, thin, beautiful women.

"Aren't they lovely Severus?" Lucius grinned at him and raised his glass.

"I suppose." Severus scowled at him. "I must admit I'm surprised you didn't choose something more, cliché like one of those muggle strip clubs."

"I have no interest in naked muggle women." He smirked. "And don't worry about scandal Minister Kingsley, these ladies are very discrete. But just in case, we will obliviate their memories before we leave." He snickered but everyone else looked at him in horror. Lucius assessed their reactions and rolled his eyes. "It's merely a joke."

This brought a smile to Severus, for it was Sasha's sense of humor that he saw in him at that moment, an inappropriate remark designed to shock and get attention. It was a childish tactic but he always found it amusing. He used sarcasm to the same end himself.

"A toast," Lucius boomed while raising his glass to start the festivities, "to my future brother-in-law Severus, may you and my sister have the happiness you have earned."

"Here, here!" The other gentlemen raised their glasses and the evening was off to a good start.

Despite the eclectic mix of attendees, they did mesh well together. All were interested in politics and had much in common over the war. Lucius was smart enough to know the tides had turned and was beginning to become more liberal in his thinking towards those of non-magic or partially magic blood. Although Severus wondered how much of this was true, and how much was just a matter of picking the winning horse in the race. After dinner, at least a dozen other men joined them who were high ranking ministry officials, and it was quickly apparent that this was not designed so much as a stag night, but more of a political event for Lucius to re-establish connections. At one time in his life, Severus might have been infuriated to be used in such a manner, but tonight he was more relieved to have the focus off him. The crowd was getting drunker and rowdier. Some of the men were very interested in the women serving in the room and before too long, there was music playing and the scantily clad women were dancing, if you could call it that, seductively.

Severus looked at the clock to find it was only 7 o'clock. He sighed heavily and wondered how soon he could make his escape without a fuss. Kingsley was sitting in the corner scowling, not drinking and also looking at the clock. They hadn't had their meeting today, so Severus decided now was as good a time as any. He turned away from the rowdy crowd and approached him.

"Minister, you said you needed to see me about something."

He seemed relieved to have something productive to discuss. "Yes, yes, sit down over here. I have here, the last will and testament of Igor Stepan Karkaroff."

"Karkaroff's will?" Severus raised an eyebrow at him. This was the last thing he expected. How many times would this man come back to haunt him? What could Karkaroff possibly have wanted to give to him besides a punch in the mouth? "Do you mean to tell me I am mentioned in his will?"

"Indeed, you and Sasha."

Severus snorted, of course Sasha would be. He shouldn't be annoyed by a dead man's dying bequest, but he was already tensing. This would be the icing on the rubbish cake that was his life at the moment. More wealth to add to her fortune, and coming from an ex-boyfriend as well, further emphasized Severus' lack of means to provide for her. Karkaroff was the sugar daddy, Severus was from the wrong side of town. The more he thought about it, the angrier he became. "Out with it. Has he left Sasha his vast family fortune?"

"No, of course that went to his mother and sister." Kingsley paused to sip his firewhiseky. "He left Sasha his racing broom, a rather expensive custom model and he was far taller. She'll have to have it sized. I'll messenger it over to Hogwarts, if you can please let her know."

"That's it? That's all he left his great love?" He was growing impatient. _Racing broom, what a ridiculous gift. _

"For you, the bequest is far more generous." He paused for affect and watch Severus' eyebrow predictably rise again, before he feigned disinterest and took a sip of his drink. He reached into his breast pocket and pulled out an envelope. He laid it on the table and slid it towards Severus.

"What's this?"

"It's a deed Severus. He's left you a private island."

Severus began to choke on his drink and Kingsley slapped his back as he tried to catch his breath again. "Private island?"

"Yes, very small but beautiful island in the English channel. You'll see the photographs in the envelope, quite charming. There is a small wizarding village and the inhabitants lease their land from the estate. The manor house is a large stone cottage overlooking a beach covered in shells. It's lovely, though it can be a bit windy."

Severus ripped into the envelope and looked through the pictures, while he struggled to take this all in. It truly was a beautiful place. Could this be true? If it was, it meant he could provide a decent home for his bride. He hated the thought of it once belonging to Karkaroff, but at the moment, was desperate to offer her something, anything. Despite the distasteful source, it offered him options. If Sasha didn't want to live there permanently, it would at least buy them some time while they decided what new direction their lives would take.

"There is one caveat." Kinsley went on. "If you don't marry Sasha within one year, or if the two of you later divorce, the property reverts to her possession."

Severus smirked at this condition. It was Karkaroff's way of making sure she was taken care of. He would do this for both of them, but if Severus walked away, if he bungled it again, he was out. He actually respected his rival for doing this, and if the situation were reversed, would have done the same. "I'm hoping that won't be a problem." If it was a problem, the house would be a non issue anyway.

Severus was able to relax slightly now that he knew he could provide shelter, and he gave in to Lucius' request that he have a second firewhiseky. Lucius was at least on his forth but Severus had been nursing the same drink all night. They sipped as they watched the dancers. Lucius was slightly drunk, red cheeked, and in a wonderful mood. "Severus, there's something we should discuss. I'll need to know before the wedding how you would like me to transfer Sasha's dowry to your possession. We can have Gringotts handle the whole thing unless you have other plans for the money."

Once again, Severus received shocking news while in mid sip and once again, he choked. "Her what?"

"Dowry." Lucius remarked while never taking his eyes off the dancers. "It's quite substantial."

The customs of the wealthy wizard families never ceased to surprise this man from the wrong side of town. Their money seemed to complicate everything. "Why would you think I would need a dowry in order to marry Sasha?" To him it was an insult to her honor. "For that matter, why would anyone need to be bribed into marrying her?" His gut reaction was to be disgusted at the very concept, but then his more practical side took over, and he began to wonder exactly how much money they were talking about.

Lucius shrugged, indifferent to his reaction. It was merely a transaction to him with no emotional significance whatsoever. "Father established it the year she was born. I thought if she didn't marry before she turned forty, I would just give it to her, but now, here you are."

"Does she know about this?"

"Yes. Oh yes, she's fielded several proposals over the years from people who were interested in nothing else, Barty included. Didn't she mention it to you?"

"No." He wondered why she didn't. It could be she feared that he would just be one more man interested in her money. However as he thought more carefully, it was more likely that she was embarrassed. She always felt that she was the least valued leaf on the family tree, and actions like these proved it.

"It's five hundred thousand galleons, I'm surprised she didn't tell you."

"Five hundred thousand!" He couldn't believe it, galleons from heaven. Severus felt foolish, if only he hadn't been so fearful of sharing his problems with her, he would have already known about this.

"If you add that to the money from the order of Merlin, you're well set my friend."

"Money from the Order of Merlin?" Severus smirked. The Ministry was notoriously stingy and although he knew there was normally a monetary award, it would be merely a gesture. "I don't think that will even cover our tab tonight."

"No, no. They are very grateful to you and want your loyalty. It's all politics my friend. There's a substantial award for each of you today. Look in the envelope they gave you."

Severus pulled out the envelope he had shoved into his coat pocket earlier in the day. Inside it was a draft for one million galleons. He could hardly believe his eyes. A million and a half galleons, and a place to live, that was a start if she would agree to marry an unemployed, impotent man. As always, Severus thought his glass was half empty. However, he was pretty pleased with himself at the moment. A million and a half, soon to be in the bank and his own private island. He stood a little taller, he felt a little better, he ordered a third firewhiseky from a woman who was giving him the eye.

"One for me as well my beauty." Dr. Hutchinson staggered up to Severus. Lucius excused himself.

"I must say you look healthier tonight than I've seen you in weeks." The little man was red cheeked and his gray hair was a little wild. He looked like he was enjoying himself. The reference to health brought Severus back to the reality of his least favorite problem at the moment.

"Dr. Hutchinson, I've been needing to speak to you."

"And I you my boy, I have a proposition for you."

Severus was annoyed that this man was trying to control the subject. He had important things, delicate matters to discuss and didn't want to be sidetracked. "Oh?"

"Yes, I need to set up a research facility to develop new and progressive techniques in treating injuries resulting from the use of dark magic. St. Mungos is terribly backward in these areas and as you know, the ministry is no help. Neither of them believes someone like Voldemort could ever rise to power again and so they don't believe in investing the resources in it."

"Then they are fools. Someone will try again one day. Mark my words."

"Precisely! In my opinion, we cannot afford not to research these things and so I've decided to put my own resources into it. Well, actually I have a small group of sponsors too. However I don't have the time to devote to all areas of research. Knowing your experience I'd like to offer you the opportunity to head up the potions sector."

It was his dream job. He couldn't believe his luck and wished Sasha were here to share the moment with him. He wondered if the would be able to work on the island, far removed from the bustle of London. Deciding to capitalize on the momentum, he pressed his luck, "Where are you planning on working from?"

"I haven't decided. It will need to be somewhere fairly remote. I don't want the Ministry and those quacks from St. Mungos interfering. Any suggestions?"

"I have just the place." Severus couldn't believe how things were falling into place tonight. "I've just become the owner of a private island in the English channel. It's not terribly far away. Just far enough to be a bother to the Ministry."

"Sounds perfect. We'll talk more when we're sober, well, when I'm sober." He clinked his glass against Severus' glass and took a swig but Severus did not respond. He had one question he was dying to ask.

"What's the matter with you? You received The Order of Merlin and we're at your bachelor party. I'd think you could manage a teensy smile my boy."

Severus gunned down his drink. He needed a few more ounces of courage before proceeding. "You want to know what's wrong? I haven't been able to have sex with my fiancé in months. Order of Merlin, National Hero! Who gives a damn? I don't want the money. I don't want the glory. I want my life back. I want Sasha, but I can't have her."

Dr. Hutchinson smiled at him, "Well this is perfectly normal considering your injuries."

"What? I assure you this is NOT the norm. Is there a treatment? I'm not aware of a potion and trust me I've been working on it for months."

"No, no, no. I'm afraid not. Well, the muggles have one, but there are rather unpleasant side effects."

"Such as?"

"It seems, if you bungle the dosage, you could have a erection lasting more than three hours." Dr. Hutchinson chuckled but Severus remained serious.

"I'd kill everyone in this room for a three hour erection." He deadpanned.

The doctor smiled uneasily, not sure how serious he was. "No matter, it doesn't work on wizards anyway."

Severus sighed heavily. "So my options are?"

"Try to relax."

"Relax? Brilliant. How am I supposed to relax? Sasha's planning this enormous wedding, I can't go anywhere without being followed by Rita Skeeter, I can't get the picture of all the dead an injured out of my mind. My life is a wreck."

"Really? If I was looking at you, I'd say you were adored by the public, in receipt of a fat check from the Ministry of Magic, about to embark on a very prestigious career in magical research, and owned a private island to live on with a beautiful woman who adores you. You must change your perspective if you ever want to enjoy your life."

Severus wrinkled his brow and thought about what this man was saying. He was right.

"Have a drink," Dr. Hutchinson handed him the drink that had just been served to him. "You worry too much." The doctor put his arm around the alluring young woman serving them, and walked away from Severus. Severus glanced around the room and decided no one was paying any attention to him. He wasn't interested in anything in this room. What he was excited about, was checking out this island that was now in his possession. It sounded promising, but he wanted to check it out for himself before he took Sasha there. Quietly, he sneaked out of the party, and apparated himself to what was about to become his new home.

The "gathering of ladies of good society," as Narcissa so eloquently put it, was actually just a snobby version of a hen night. Sasha knew most of the 30 plus women present but mainly from her childhood. They were mostly Cissy's friends from Slytherin house, and wives of some of the higher-ranking men in the Ministry of Magic. This night wasn't about her at all. It was about Cissy fighting for her position in society. Still, she played along. She socialized and charmed those she thought she was supposed to charm, but spent much of the evening with Molly, who she was most comfortable with.

Cocktail hour on the veranda lasted at least two hours and the women were fairly tipsy by the time dinner began. A light summer supper was served at the long banquet table, perhaps it was a bit too light, for the guests continued to drink champagne and the volume in the room went up. After dinner, there were a few gifts for Sasha to open. Most were sexy lingerie, however there were also some practical gifts. When the last of the guests had gone for the evening, she finally felt she could relax.

"Sasha, Molly, let's sit out on the veranda and watch the sunset." Cissy had a few too many and was unsteady on her feet. "I want to look at your gifts again too."

That sounded fine to Sasha who was mentally drained at the moment. As they sifted back through her gifts before reducing them and placing them into a small bag to be transported back to Hogwarts, she counted no less than fifteen negligees. While she'd been meaning for some time to upgrade in that department, considering Severus' current lack of interest, it seemed futile.

Cissy pulled out a white sheer baby-doll nightie with a matching lace thong. "Beautiful. I bet Severus will love you in this."

Sasha smirked. "Not likely." That would involve undressing her. He would never see it at this rate. She rolled her eyes, cast the reducto charm and shoved it into her bag.

Cissy furrowed her brow. "What's the matter with you? You've had a chip on your shoulder all afternoon."  
Sasha had to talk to someone. She was about to burst. "He doesn't want me anymore. We haven't been together since the battle."

"Sasha, he's been ill. You have to be more understanding." Molly's admonishment made her feel even worse. Perhaps she was right. Right or wrong, that wasn't how she saw it. She was feeling abandoned.

"He's better now but he throws himself into work. He avoids me."

Cissy offered nothing but Molly seemed to take an interest in her plight. "Sasha, if you don't mind my asking, what exactly were his injuries?"

"He was bitten by the snake as you know. The tendons in his neck were severed and he was subjected to quite a bit of venom. He was hit with a Sectumsemprum curse from shoulder to groin and lost quite a bit of blood. His spinal cord was damaged. That's why he couldn't walk for sometime. Cissy, he wouldn't be walking now if you hadn't called Dr. Hutchinson." Cissy nodded at her. "He had five broken ribs, a massive head injury that he doesn't remember how he got, and a fractured hip."

Molly gaped at her. "Merlin's Beard Sasha! It's a miracle he's alive much less well enough in a few weeks to attend his stag night."

Hearing someone say this shocked her back to reality. Molly was right. It was a miracle. She should be thankful he was here at all rather than complaining. What a horrible thing it was for him to go through. She should be supportive no matter what. It was then that she started to think more about what a marriage really meant. It had nothing to do with their courtship. There was far more at stake now. If she wanted to marry him, she would have to grow up and face their problems head on. That's what he meant when he spoke to her before the battle.

Molly's thoughts weren't drifting as Sasha's were, and she was now in tune with what was bothering her. "Well you know some vital organs take longer to get back to normal than others."

Narcissa burst out laughing.

"Which ones?" Sasha broached this subject cautiously and Narcissa laughed even harder. Molly ignored her.

"Well you know when Arthur was attacked a few years ago, it was several months before his….wand regained…the magic."

Narcissa's drunken giggles infuriated Molly. "Oh like Lucius never had that problem?" She hissed.

Narcissa snorted, "Oh darling don't I wish. The man is one giant gland."

"You really think that's it?" Sasha was relieved to find someone else who had gone through the same thing. "He didn't say it was a problem."

"He won't. He can't tell you, it would be humiliating for him."

"Oh, and here I've been putting all this pressure on him, plus all the stress from the wedding, and work. Oh now I feel horrible."

"Don't feel bad, you didn't know." Molly patted her on the knee and occurred to Sasha that she was an excellent friend.

"What can I do to help?"

"Help him find ways to relax and don't pressure him. He'll come around. He just needs some distractions to clear his head."

The conversation began to drag a bit after the awkward revelations and Molly left them shortly thereafter.

Narcissa went back to the subject as soon as she was gone. "Look, I'm not talking about my sex life with Molly, but Lucius did have that problem right after he got out of Azkaban."

"Really? Is what Molly says right? I should just help him relax?"

"Yes that's helpful I suppose but once he's relaxed you need to make your move and it needs to be a big one."

"Like?"

"Surprise him, do something you've never done before, wear some outlandish lingerie. When he's least expecting it, do something to drive him mad with desire. Don't worry dear, all men go though it. He'll be back in the saddle soon. He will have had a few drinks at his Stag night tonight, give it a shot. But if he pushes you away, don't nag him. Just be patient. He'll come around. I promise you that." Cissy seemed to speak with authority and Sasha took her words to heart.

Severus returned to Hogwarts from the island fairly early. It was only eight thirty. He knew Sasha would be a few hours later. She was more social than he. He paced in his office full of nervous energy, excited to tell her all about their new island home. She would love it. It was beautiful. He could live with the fact that it once belonged to Karkaroff as long as it made her happy. Then there was the money, and the job, so much to tell her.

Looking for a way to occupy his mind and try to relax, he planned to work in the lab, but with Sasha away from him for the first time in months, he felt lost. He walked around her quarters eyeing the polar bear rug and remembering how he had shagged her like crazy on it before the war. The fire was raging that night and the fur tickled their skin. "Severus, yes, harder, please, make me come." She had screamed and begged for more that night as she clawed her nails down his back. It was phenomenal. As he recalled how thrilling that experience was he felt his cock twitch in agreement. Having not had that feeling in months, it surprised him. He felt that familiar feeling in the pit of his stomach and his shaft stiffened with the beginning of an erection. He sighed in disgust and looked down. "Now? Where were you when I needed you?"

He stormed off to the lab to try to relax. Just his luck, finally something, and Sasha wouldn't be home for hours. She would probably be tired and perhaps his feeling would pass. He began an attempt at brewing liquid luck. It would take hours to complete the first phase tonight, and weeks longer to complete the process but he needed something that required extreme focus. Besides, after it was done he would down the whole bottle and give making love to her one more try. If that didn't work, he was out of options.

As he focused on his brew he was startled by a knock at the door. "Come in.," he said flatly, assuming it was Minerva or one of the house elves.  
He didn't look up until he heard the door shut and lock. "Good evening Headmaster."

_AN: Thanks to enniemeanie for keeping me Brit Picked this week__ Love you all for the PM's and reviews this week. Sorry to cut it off before the good stuff. Wendy, it's all your fault LOL-just kidding._


	98. Chapter 97 Hot for Teacher

CHAPTER NINETY-SEVEN

Hot for Teacher

AN: So as I write this juicy little installment, I think some music in the background would be good. I can't make up my mind between VanHalen's Hot For Teacher, and LedZepplin's How Many More Times. You'll have to pick or offer up your own. Obviously I don't own either of those songs.

_Warning—naughty role-play sex ahead. If you disapprove you should skip this chapter. The rest of you…. enjoy. _

Sasha returned from Malfoy Manor and reached the door of her quarters just in time to see Severus leaving and rounding the corner heading in the direction of the potions lab. With a few too many champagnes in her system, she decided to throw caution to the wind and make one more attempt at seducing him. Molly told her to back off a little, but she couldn't stand to be passive. She decided to take Cissy's advice and take control.

She entered her room to freshen up and change. She intended to try out some of her new lingerie. That was sure to get his attention. However, as she pulled them all out of her bag, nothing seemed quite right. Although they were very beautiful, most were white or pastel shades that were suited to wedding nights or honeymoons. She needed something else, something a little naughty to grab his attention. She paced around her closet trying to decide what to wear. Nothing seemed right, until she spied her old Gryffindor kilt and got a wicked idea.

"Good evening Headmaster." Said the loveliest voice he had ever heard. He smiled and turned to see Sasha. Immediately he felt the beginnings of an erection as she took off her cloak and he saw what she was wearing. That had to be the shortest Gryffindor kilt in existence. Never would he tire of looking at her thighs. Her crisp white blouse was stretched tight across her breasts, which appeared to be straining to be free, judging by her erect nipples under the fabric. _No bra, YES!_ She wore those sexy thigh high stockings with heels that had to be at least four inches high. He felt the twitch again and prayed it would continue.

He raised one eyebrow at her, and one corner of his mouth turned up. "Yes Miss Malfoy? Is there something I can…_do_ for you?" He was the master of holding a pause, and as usual worked it to his advantage.

"Oh I do hope so Headmaster." She bit her lip, which caused a small laugh to escape him. "My father received my marks from last term and he was most unhappy." Slowly, seductively, she crossed the room to him. As always, he felt underage when she walked like that. When she reached his chair she leaned over to look him in the eye. Resting a hand on each arm of the chair was the perfect angle to allow him better visibility of her breasts through her blouse. "He thinks you're being too…_hard_ on me." It was her turn to work the pause.

"On the contrary Miss Malfoy, I would argue I'm not…_hard _enough." Merlin's nightgown, if she only knew.

"Hmmmm." Wanting to tease him a bit, she stood up and walked over to one of the lab tables. She leaned over it and rested her elbows on the table, as she picked up a few potion ingredients and pretended to examine them. This action caused her short skirt to rise in the back and expose her thong. She looked over her shoulder at him and he met her gaze with a good-natured smirk. "Perhaps you might let me do something for you. Something for…extra credit."

He leaned back in his chair and put his hands behind his head, admiring the view. His heart raced. Naughty role-play, he couldn't believe this was happening to him. He sighed. His body continued to cooperate and he was desperate to test the waters. "I might be able to come up with a…special assignment for you. But I warn you, you'll have to work much…harder than you do in class."

"Oooh, The _harder_ the better. I'm not afraid of rigorous work. I'm just so distracted during your class."

"Really?" He leered at her openly. Now shivering with anticipation, he had to clear his throat before he could answer. "And why is that Miss Malfoy?"

She straightened up and walked over to him until she was at last standing close enough to touch. Slowly he ran his hand up her thigh, and under her skirt enjoying the feel of her silky skin under his palm.

"I'm constantly thinking about sex."

He couldn't help but chuckle at that but quickly recovered and went back into character. That was it. He felt it. He was home free. "Well, well, well, you are a naughty girl. Twenty points from Gryffindor for your impertinence and another twenty for your…over active libido." She straddled him and sat down on his lap, then slowly leaned into him and began nuzzling his neck. Her lips grazed this sensitive area of skin as she continued her seduction. However it was she that was feeling seduced. The smell of his skin, and the firm touch of his hand on her backside was making her burn for him. His body also responded and her lips trailed higher to suck on his earlobe while he leaned back enjoying the moment. For several minutes he became lost in the rapture of being with her again, and he was unable to react consciously. Eventually he found his voice, he was anxious to continue this titillating game. "To top off all your wicked behavior Miss Malfoy, I'm afraid you're out of dress code."

"Hmmm, would you like me to remove the item that offends you?" she purred.

"I believe that blouse to be the most offensive thing I've ever seen."

She sat up and unbuttoned it slowly, while he smiled devilishly and enjoyed the show. She removed it and held it in two hands for a moment. His attentions were torn between wondering what she was about to do with her blouse, and her breasts, now free and spectacular. Then she put her blouse behind his neck, used it to pull his face into hers and kissed him hard while he pulled her hips into him and arched to enjoy the feel of her through their clothes. He grunted as his need turned to frenzy and he burned for her.

"I'll take on any assignment you would like to give me Headmaster." She whispered breathlessly into his ear. She kissed him again, hungrily and then met his eyes. "What would you like me to do?"

He didn't think for a second before the fantasy he was thinking about crossed his lips. "Go down on me."

She gave him a wry smile and for a moment he thought he'd pressed his luck too far. "Yessss. I was dying for you to say that."

He exhaled heavily again not believing this was happening to him. This was wild for the conservative Headmaster and his heart was pounding at the thought of what was to come. She began to unbutton his shirt but quickly became frustrated with his usual issue of too many buttons. Not wanting to waste time while he was in the mood, she grabbed each side and with a firm pull ripped it open. Buttons flew everywhere and he smiled devilishly at her under half closed eyes. Progressing towards his request she began kissing his chest, then worked her way down to his stomach. He shivered a little at the feel of her lips closing in on the top of his trousers. She looked up at him mischievously as she undid his belt and began to slide his trousers and boxers down.

He didn't think it was possible to be this hard as he watched her tease him, licking his shaft lightly and sending shivers down his spine. He pushed her hair back to get the full effect of this erotic fantasy, not wanting to miss a moment. Finally when he could not take this teasing any longer, she took him in her mouth, causing him to growl loudly. If there was anything more amazing than the feel of her warm mouth on his cock it could only be that she had no gag reflex and went all the way down on his shaft. He shuddered and moaned with pleasure as she worked him over, going back and forth between throwing his head back and then leaning forward to watch her glide her wet lips languidly over him. She took her time with him, like they had all night. Her moans of pleasure vibrated against his cock and he gripped her hair tightly, straining to hold back. Their eyes met before he pulled her head down on him thrusting slowly into her mouth. This was more erotic than anything he'd ever dreamed of but still it wasn't good enough. He needed to be inside her tight hot core. He wanted her beneath him screaming in ecstasy while he watched her. The Slytherin in him craved power and control and he couldn't give that up to her for very long.

He pulled her off of him and backed her up against the lab table. With one sweep of his arm he sent half the test tubes and cauldrons smashing onto the floor. He ripped off her thong and pushed her down on the clear surface. "Yes, Severus." She moaned in anticipation of him entering her. He decided to hold back a bit to tease her. He wanted to bring her to the brink with him. He stroked her delicious wetness with the tip of his head enjoying the slick sensation and the visual of her eyes rolling back in her head. "Yes, ah you feel so good Severus, take me."

"Shhh, patience." He whispered continuing to tease her enjoying the power he possessed in the moment. Is this what you want?"

"Yeah." She moaned.

"How much?"

"More than anything." She was nearly delirious.

"I love you Sasha. Do you love me?"

"Yes! Now Severus."

Her pleading nearly sent him over the edge but he so enjoyed the game. "You'll address me as Headmaster." His participation caused her to giggle through her desperation.

"Beg for it." He ordered pulling her tightly against him while smirking like the naughty rake he was at the moment. He was still enjoying the role-play.

"Do me Headmaster!" She laughed.

"As you wish." He eased into her causing them to groan in unison, both aching for one another after such a long drought.

Slowly he thrust in and out of her while she writhed beneath him and clawed his back and arms. She seemed to need this as much if not more than he did, and that realization was entrancing to him. "Mmmm, harder," She moaned. He obliged her and thrust harder and faster, their bodies now moving in unison.

The remaining cauldrons and test tubes clanked around on the table in unison with their bodies. Occasionally, one would fall from the table and shatter loudly on the floor. She was grateful that she had remembered to cast a muffling spell before entering the classroom. Severus was getting uncharacteristically loud. "Mmm, Miss Malfoy, I am reaaallly enjoying this."

She was expressing her pleasure loudly too and each time she did, he got closer and closer until finally they both exploded and clutched each other tightly wringing every last exquisite sensation possible from the moment. He collapsed on top of her and they lay there covered in sweat and waiting for their breathing to normalize, both of their minds completely blank. Finally, after several minutes, he lifted his head and stared at her through veiled eyes, his breathing still ragged.

"Well that was…interesting." Laughter slowly rose from both of them and he collapsed upon her again, resting his head on her chest and listening to her heartbeat. He could not remember a time when he was so blissfully happy.

"Did that bring my grade up Severus, oh I mean, Headmaster?" She laughed.

"That brought lots of things up." They both laughed and he enjoyed the feel of their sweaty stomachs convulsing against each other. He was so relieved and more relaxed than he had been in months. Everything was going to be fine now.

"So what's my grade?"

He twitched again at the thought of this game continuing. It was highly inappropriate but he did not care. "I'm disappointed that you would expect preferential treatment."

"Well you know if taking my exam orally isn't going to get me anywhere, I'll have to just complete the written assignment next time."

He silenced her with a kiss, long and lazy before answering. "Out…standing work Miss Malfoy. I award fifty points to Gryffindor for the smashing fellatio. I may have to give you a more advanced assignment next time." He breathed while kissing her cheeks lightly.

She giggled and pushed his hair away from his face so she could look into his ebony eyes. "I'm looking forward to it."

A contented sigh escaped him as he stared into her eyes thoughtfully. "Sasha, when we get married. I want every day to be like this."

Her eyebrows arched in response. "You want a hummer everyday? Severus Snape, I'm astonished at you." She said with mock disapproval.

He snickered, enjoying this comfortable banter. "Well that's not what I meant, but it's a bloody brilliant idea. I mean I want us to have fun together everyday. Sometimes I feel like I spend my life in a very confining box. When I'm with you I break out of it. I have room to breath. I want that feeling everyday."

Raising her head, she touched his lips softly with her own. "Then you shall have it."

"I think I'm going to enjoy married life."

He felt her tense in his arms. "Severus, that reminds me, there's something I need to tell you about the wedding."

"What's that, my love?"  
"I told Cissy to call the whole thing off."

"What?" His expression was pained and Sasha realized she was doing a terrible job at explaining this.

"What I mean is, I don't want a big wedding with five hundred of our closest friends. You don't want it either. You were just being nice when you agreed to it. I told her they could throw us a big party later but that for our wedding day, I just wanted you, and no one else."

His heart warmed as she told him how she felt, which matched his own feelings so precisely. "Is that really what you want? You're not doing this just for me?"

"No Severus. That is my wish."

He smiled contentedly at her and sighed. There was nothing to stop them from beginning their new life together this instant. Ever decisive, he set his plan into action. "Pack a bag. I'm taking you away from here tonight."

"What?" Her eyes lit up at the thought of a romantic get-away, and he was thrilled that he could do something to make her happy after all they had endured. "Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise."

"Have I told you how wonderful you are? I love surprises." She snuggled against him. "What shall I pack?"

"I don't care what you pack, but if you want my suggestion, an arsenal of lingerie and a wedding dress."

"A wedding dress?" Her smile couldn't possibly be bigger.

"Yes." He kissed her in earnest for several seconds but pulled away when she began to grind against him. He wanted to save that for later. "I'm going to spend the rest of the night with you in delicious sin before I make an honest woman of you the following day."

"Severus, are you still quite certain you want to marry me? Delicious sin sounds far more fun than honest woman."

He suddenly became very serious. "I'm quite certain. I've never been more certain about anything else in my life. You? Last chance to back out."

"Not a chance. Now get off me you naughty Headmaster, I have to go pack."

_AN: They're going out with a bang not a whimper! So everything is coming together nicely for them finally. Don't they deserve the mega-happy ending? I think so. BTW, Did anyone see Nobel Son? Well if you didn't you should__ Pretty schweeet. This was kind of a send up to the opening scene of that movie, (which I also don't own)._

_Thanks for all the reviews and PM's this week. You guys are the best. I hope you will still stay in touch after the story is over. I'll try to update a little sooner. I want to wrap up Second Chances so I can focus on Desperate Measures which is trying to cut line at the moment—darned Igor he's so persistent—tapping me on the shoulder saying "Come out and play Detka!_


	99. Chapter 98 Home Sweet Home

CHAPTER NINETY-EIGHT

Home Sweet Home

As planned, Sasha hastily packed a bag and met Severus in his office twenty minutes later. He cut a dashing figure as he turned to greet her. He looked healthy again, rosy cheeked from their romp and standing taller than he had since the battle. "Ready?"

Sasha beamed at her knight in shining armor. Tall, charismatic and in charge, who wouldn't be ready to run off with this man with the velvet voice? "Severus, I was born ready."

"Lucky me. Take my arm." She did, and he apparated them to the island. Sasha was surprised to find herself on the top of a rocky cliff overlooking a wide white sandy beach. The full moon was shining on glassy water and the sky was full of stars. The warm breeze caught her hair, and she had to hold it out of her face as she looked around trying to figure out where they were.

"Severus this is beautiful. Where are we?"

"This is the island of St. Nicoli. We're in the English Channel believe it or not."

"Really? Are we camping out?"

He raised an eyebrow, amused that she would think he would actually take her camping. "Certainly not. Would you like to see the manor house?"

"Yes, very much." She nodded, looking up at him, eyes wide in wonderment.

He grasped her hand and led her away from the cliff down a winding garden path covered in smooth pebbles. She couldn't see the gardens well, other than a few white flowers that seemed to catch the moonlight, nearly glowing. She could, however, smell the fragrance, lavender, rosemary, lilac, and orange blossom. The cumulative aroma was heavenly. They came to a rather large stone house with exterior walls that were two thirds covered with English Ivy. The entrance was imposing with a large, heavy, ornately carved oak door, adorned with a clunky iron doorknocker. She expected him to knock, but instead he opened the door, and motioned her though ahead of him.

Passing by him, she gazed into his eyes and couldn't help thinking he was up to something, but a very good something. Inside was a grand, sweeping staircase that curved gracefully to the middle of the foyer. The banister was polished to a high shine and Sasha giggled thinking it would be perfect for children, or her, to slide down. On each side of the foyer were very large rooms. She glanced at Severus, unsure what to make of this place.

"It's all right. Take a look around." He smiled sheepishly at her with the kindest brown eyes she had ever seen.

She was a little afraid of being caught snooping and took his hand to pull him behind her into the first room. It was a long mahogany paneled room with dark green velvet curtains. She smirked, thinking that they were precisely Slytherin green. At the end of the room, there was a beautiful fireplace with a rustic stone mantle. She assumed it was supposed to be the dining room but there was no table.

"Lovely room." She said to Severus who was looking at her anxiously. He so hoped she would love this place and that they could begin their life together here, far removed from Hogwarts, and Malfoy Manor and all the places with painful memories.

"Look at the one on the other side." He tightened his grip on her hand and led her to what was apparently a large library at one time. The walls were all bookshelves that extended all the way up to the high ceilings and were highlighted with brass sconces. The shelves were however empty, and this room was also unfurnished. On the wall opposite the foyer, was an even larger fireplace covered in stone that also extended to the ceiling, dominating the room. It reminded her of the enormous fireplace she and Severus sat in front of on the first night that she returned to Hogwarts. On either side were French doors and Sasha could not resist looking to see where they led. She stepped through one, and found herself on a large terrace that overlooked the beach and the sea. This was the west side of the structure, and she imagined that the sunset views must be heavenly.

Severus appeared behind her, encircling her waist with his arms. He rested his chin on her shoulder and she turned slightly to graze his cheek with her kiss.

"Well? Do you love it?" He asked with a lazy tone she hadn't heard from him before. She did love it. However, the lack of furnishings surprised Sasha who thought they were in a hotel or some other rental property.

"It's beautiful, but needs some attention. A good dusting would do it a word of good. Where is the innkeeper?"

"There is none." He turned her gently to face him.

"Oh, how did you find this place?"

He hesitated, before saying with pride, "I own it."

"You what?" This man would never cease to surprise her. She couldn't believe he owned this lovely home and never told her about it.

"I own it. Not just the house, the entire island." He smirked good-naturedly as she stood before him, mouth agape.

"Of course it may not be to your taste, but with your sense of style and a little work I'm sure you could,"

She cut him off. "Are you saying we're going to live here?"

He wasn't sure if her reaction was a good or a bad thing, and hesitated before he answered. "Well, yes. That is if it appeases you. If not, I'm sure I could sell it and,"

"Oh, Severus!" Once again she interrupted him, this time jumping into his arms and nearly knocking him down. She squealed with delight and planted many exaggerated and slightly silly kisses across his face and neck. He chuckled, as much with relief that she liked it as with actual laughter.

"But you are one sly dog Severus Snape!" She slapped his shoulder jokingly. "Why didn't you tell me you were the proud owner of a private island with such an incredible manor house? Or you afraid I would only be after your money?"

"Hmmm, yes well," he hesitated a bit, not wanting to reveal the source. "I inherited it." He knew he had to be perfectly honest, even though he would love nothing more than to lie, and say he purchased it with his own funds. She would know better than to believe that story.

"Inherited?" She looked at him quizzically. "Another bequest from Grandmother, or do you have other rich relatives I'm unaware of?"

He sighed heavily. "Oh, you're well aware of this person. I was mentioned in Karkaroff's will."

The joking expression left her face immediately. "Igor left this too you?" She gaped at him again, until she remembered that he probably wouldn't want her to make much of this. Quickly, she recomposed her face into appear unconcerned with the source. "Funny," she shrugged, "He never mentioned this place, and you know how he liked to boast."

He was relieved to hear her pointing out his character flaws rather than gushing about his generosity. "Indeed he did. I don't know that he ever bothered to visit it. I'm told by some of the inhabitants that he won the island in a poker game."

"Ha!" She snorted, "Well that certainly sounds like him." Sasha thought about this for a while. "This is a pretty large bequest for someone he didn't like."

"It's for you as much as I, more so really. If we aren't married within the year, or if we later divorce, the property reverts to your possession. His way of taking care of you I assume."

Sasha sighed. It was one final, thoughtful gesture from dear sweet Igor. She adored him for it, but wasn't about to dwell on that thought in front of Severus. He probably had mixed emotions about this place. "Well, no danger of that happening." She snuggled against his chest, warming herself under his robes. The night air was growing a bit chilly but she would always be warm against him. "Are we really getting married tomorrow?"

"Yes. He kissed the top of her head. "Right here, in our new home."

"You mean we can really live here? This place is like something out of a dream."

"Only if you want. I know you're fond of cities, so we can sell it if you like and…" but her lips captured his and his train of thought was forever derailed.

Taking his face in her hands, she rested her forehead against his before giving her official answer. "I love it Severus. It's the perfect place to begin our new life together." She released him and walked back inside to gaze around the library. He followed her in and shut the door; entranced by the way she was excitedly taking in the place. She turned to him and gave him a wide smile, then approached him gracefully and grandly. "Good evening, handsome gentleman caller. Please allow me to welcome you to the Noble House of Snape." She curtsied so deep she was almost sitting on the floor and bowed her head grandly.

Her play caused him to snicker. _More role-play, how delightfully naughty._ "The Noble House of Snape, well there's something I've never heard before. Nothing noble about my surname."

"Nonsense!" Sasha channeled her best snobby Malfoy voice. "Didn't we already have this conversation? Besides, it's about to be my surname as well, and I say, this is 'The Noble House of Snape,' and if anyone argues with me I will promptly box their ears."

"Classy move, I forgot my fiancé was an aristocrat." He smirked while rolling his eyes.

"Rule number one, never argue with the Queen of the Castle," she continued, ignoring his sarcasm. "As I was saying, welcome to the Noble House of Snape established in 1998 by the Lord of the Manor and Order of Merlin recipient, Lord Severus Tobias Snape."

"I'm not a Lord."

"Hush up! He presented the house to his lovely wife Sasha Malfoy of the Not Quite as Noble House of Malfoy, as a wedding present."

"You're a marvelous tour guide."

"Although the public adored the Lord of the Manor and clamored for invitations to the house, the couple chose to never see another soul again. They remained on the property and shagged each other senseless for the rest of their lives."

"Ah yes, speaking of shagging, would you like to see the bedroom?" His dark eyes smoldered as he spoke to her. He was back in action and ready to seduce her again.

"I would. Is it completely lacking in furnishings as well?"

"No." He never removed his eyes from hers. "I've made things quite comfortable for our last night of 'delicious sin'."

"Hmmm," she approached him consciously swaying her hips as she did. "What kind of sin?"

"Delicious." He drawled, wrapping his arms around her.

A shiver went down her arm at the sound of his voice. Never would he cease to enthrall her with his tone. "I do love the way you say that word. It's so…"

"Delicious?" He nuzzled his cheek against her neck, warming her skin with his breath.

"Yes, that's the word." Her body melted against his and her slender hands snaked through his hair. "Merlin, I love the sound of your voice. Will you read me a bedtime story?"

"I have something more fun in mind." With one grand gesture he dropped his arm to her legs and literally swept her off her feet. She giggled with delight as he carried her into the foyer and ascended the stairs.

"You seem to be feeling better, but perhaps you should take it easy Severus. I don't want you to be too tired to marry me tomorrow."

"Nonsense. I feel like a million galleons." He pronounced as he kicked open the bedroom door. He carried her over the threshold and into the room of her dreams. It was located directly over the downstairs library and like that room, featured the large fireplace flanked by two large windows. Both were open, and a warm gentle breeze was flowing in, causing the soft white curtains to blow softly into the room. On the opposite wall was a very large four-poster bed with sheets and covers the color of the sandy beach below. Severus carried her over to it and tossed her down playfully.

"Severus, this room is beautiful." He stood over her removing his cloak. "Did you do all this?"

He was busy undoing button after button of this jacket. "Yes. Thought you might like it."

"I do love it. You know my taste well." She watched him shrug out of his jacket and begin to undo the multitude of buttons on his shirt. "Only one thing missing." She leaned up on her elbows.

Severus narrowed his eyes, as he removed his shirt. "Oh, what's that?"

One corner of her mouth turned up, and she curled her finger at him. "You."

He didn't waste a moment before he climbed on top of her, and they proceeded to spend the next several hours in the delicious sin he had promised.

Afterwards, they lay there naked in each other's arms, stroking each others skin, and listening to the waves crash onto the shore. Severus studied her face in the shadows. She seemed to grow lovelier by the day, and now she would be his forever. After all the pain, and misery he'd endured in his life, now, finally, he was blessed with happiness. Somehow, he had the good fortune of her love. Perhaps he must have done something good in his life that redeemed him, for here was his second chance, and this time, he'd finally done things right. "I love you Sasha." His whispered words now poured forth so naturally, and he vowed never to withhold them for her again.

She turned towards him and snuggled into the crook of his arm. "I love you too. I can't believe that tomorrow, I'll finally become Mrs. Severus Snape. It's really going to happen."

"It's really going to happen." He confirmed.

Her smile, though genuine, seemed slightly melancholy. He couldn't resist tracing her lips with his fingertip. "What's on your mind?"

"Oh, I was just thinking, I wish Sirius and Regulus were here."

"Pardon me if I don't mourn Sirius Black's absence on my wedding day. I do wish Regulus were still alive though. He was a good and courageous man."  
"They were my family when Lucius was incapable."

So overwhelmed was he with the thrill of marrying this woman, Severus nearly forgot that he was about to be permanently related to Lucius Malfoy. All the brother-in-law jokes he'd ever heard now seemed to make sense. An eyebrow shot up involuntarily.  
"Stop. He's getting a little better."

"Little being the operative word."

"Rome wasn't built in a day."

He was anxious to change the subject from anything that might cause even a minor quarrel on the eve of their wedding, and searched for a safer topic.

"Did you bring your wedding dress?"

"Of course."

"Can I see it?"  
"No, silly. It's bad luck."

"It isn't possible for me to have any more bad luck in my life. You are my good luck charm." She snuggled against his bare chest while he stroked her flaxen hair. "I'm sure you will be beautiful."

"Well, it needs something. I'm not sure what to do with my hair and the veil is difficult. I wish Cissy were here. She's so much better at that kind of thing. You know she's going to be livid when she learns we eloped."

"Lucius too for that matter. You know how he hates to miss anything social, especially if there is a photo opportunity."

"Don't I know it? He can be a real prat but he's still my brother."

Severus was silent for a while. Despite his distain for Lucius, they were soon to be family and weddings were supposed to be a family affair. Perhaps it was unfair to expect her to turn her back on them. It was of the utmost importance to him that everything be handled properly. So, with some trepidation, he broached the subject. "Why don't we invite them?"

"Really?"

"Yes. He's your closest male family member. It's only natural that he give you away."

"Ha! He's been trying to do that since the day I was born."

"Then don't deny him."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." He lifted her chin and grazed his lips against hers. With that settled, he began to wonder if he would alienate anyone else if Lucius were there and they weren't. Since his newfound fame he was besieged by many wanting to befriend him, but hesitant to trust them. Old associations made before the war were now more valuable to him. "I hope Minerva isn't too put out at being excluded. Slughorn will be for certain. Two of his protégé's in the news every day, getting married, it will kill him not to be in the photographs."

Not too long ago Severus would never have considered the feelings of others in such a minor point. He had grown emotionally and this pleased his wife to be. She gave him a squeeze. "Well invite them. You need two guests on your side to keep it even. Of course then we should really think of inviting Molly and Arthur. I did live with them for a year, and you know, she always thought we were meant for each other even when we didn't think so ourselves."

"Hmmm, then I suppose I shall have to entertain the entire Weasley brood."

"And Harry and Hermione will come as guests of Ron and Ginny."

"Ugh, Merlin," he flopped over on his back and slapped his forehead. "This is getting worse by the minute."

Sasha rolled on top of him playfully. "You're right Severus. You're absolutely right. Let's just stick to the plan. Just the two of us."  
"And Kinsley, he'll be performing the ceremony."

"Wonderful." There was an awkward silence between them before Sasha spoke again. "Oh I hope Dr. Hutchinson won't be angry if he's not invited. Can't start a new job like that."

With a sweetly patronizing expression he decided to indulge her. "All right that's it. Twenty people. Not one more. Make the invitations first thing tomorrow and I'll have them owled away by eight."

"Severus are you sure?" She squealed with glee.

"Yes. I want the world to know that at precisely 6 o'clock tomorrow, you officially belong to me."  
"The whole world? Should we invite Rita Skeeter?"

He flipped her over and tickled her until she begged for mercy. Then playfulness gave way to passion, and the seduction began again.

Sasha awoke well before dawn on the morning of her wedding, far too excited to sleep. Today she would receive what she'd always wanted. Severus would become her husband. She watched him sleeping, and listened to his peaceful breaths. Normally more than five or six hours of sleep was enough for both of them but she knew he would sleep until at least dawn today. Physically, he was about 95 percent recovered, however, yesterday must have been exhausting for him. Not only had he received The Order of Merlin and then been hustled off for a stag night, but then he'd indulged his passions with her once at the castle and twice on the island. After a long recovery and a time of sexual disconnect, his insatiable appetite was back. It matched her own lust, and she was already looking forward to more.

Nervous energy was getting the better of her, and she decided to get up and channel it into writing out their wedding invitations. She eased out of bed, careful not to disturb him and slipped on his white shirt that was uncharacteristically carelessly discarded on the floor. She kept her correspondence brief, and had them all finished in no time. Then she turned back to Severus, who hadn't moved. She left the invitations on the desk, and quietly dressed for a fly. She was anxious to explore her new home.

Severus had been faking sleep since she got up. He watched her address their invitations, pleased that it was her first priority. She appeared jumpy this morning, drumming her fingers on the desk, and then pacing the room before leaving for a morning flight. It warmed his heart a bit to see that she was nervous about marrying him. It was a sign that she cared.

Knowing her habits, he was sure she would be back in an hour, and he was inspired to have breakfast waiting when she returned. When Sasha returned to the house, she could smell sausage and eggs cooking. Starving, she followed her nose through the dining room into the kitchen, and found Severus hard at work. She'd never seen him do anything remotely domestic, much less without the use of a wand. It warmed her heart to think of daily, ordinary activities with him. It was a closeness she was looking forward to.

"Ah, Miss Malfoy, your timing is impeccable as always." He said while handing her coffee prepared just the way she liked it.

"All this for me? Careful Severus, you're likely to spoil me."

"I intend to my love." He kissed her forehead before turning back to scrambling eggs in a frying pan. "How was your flight?"

"Glorious." She replied absent-mindedly, still enjoying watching him cook. "I hope you don't mind. I didn't want to wake you."

"Not at all. I want you to continue to do what you love. We're going to be very happy together here. Now, let's sit down to breakfast before it gets cold. After we eat, I'm off to owl these invitations."

The house elf shuffled into the master suite of Malfoy Manor. Narcissa sat up in bed, and pushed her sleep mask off her eyes onto her forehead, sending her hair slightly askew. She took the tray without a word and set it between she and her still sleeping husband. She shooed the elf away and poured herself some tea.

Lucius stirred a bit then sank deeper into sleep and began to snore. Narcissa frowned at him in annoyance. He'd returned to Malfoy Manor at two in the morning, very drunk, reeking of stripper perfume, and feeling rather randy. She'd given him the cold shoulder and now bitterly hoped he would have a raging hangover. She picked up the morning correspondence on the tray. There was a letter in Sasha's hand, which she opened first.

"Merlin's Beard! Lucius wake up!" She slapped his arm.

"Ugh!" He shrugged her off. "Don't bother me till noon woman."

"Take a draught and get up. Sasha is getting married today!"

Molly and Arthur sat chatting at the kitchen table waiting for the kids to get up when their post arrived. There were several letters all in the same hand, one for them, one for Hermione, and one for Harry.

"Morning Mum!" Ron kissed his mother before helping himself in a muffin. Harry and Herminoe followed him into the kitchen and sat down at the table, eager to peruse the Daily Profit. Molly gasped as she read her letter. "What is it Mum?"

She handed her letter to Arthur and tossed the children their letters. Hermione read hers quickly and then beamed at Molly.

Ron then opened his own. "Professor Severus Snape, Order of Merlin, and Professor Sasha Malfoy request the honor of your presence at their wedding!" Ron was obviously shocked. "Blimey, I had no idea The Order of Merlin was such a chick magnet. If a bloke like that can get a bird like her…"

"Shut up Ron!" Hermione slapped his arm.

Harry smiled to himself, pleased that the man, who suffered so greatly as a result of his mother's rejection, had finally found a love of his own. "Shall we go to Diagon Alley today to find a wedding present?"

The teachers were chatting with great animation over the wedding. "I for one, am very happy for Severus. He's been so lonely for so long." Minerva was truly happy for her colleagues and pleased that they remembered her.

"Bah!" Interjected Hooch. "Foolish decisions on his part. Sasha's been waiting for him to come around for years. It's about time he got his act together. He nearly lost her to that succession of Russians parading through Hogwarts."

At five o'clock, Sasha paced in her room, nervous as could be. She'd shooed Severus out of the room hours ago so she could get ready, and now she wished he could be there to steady her nerves. Her dress needed alterations, her hair was hopeless in this damp air and she had not idea what shoes to wear. Salvation came bursting through the door in the form of Cissy.

"Dear Merlin! Sasha, you're getting married in an hour and look at you."

Sasha knew it was bad, but hearing it confirmed by Cissy wounded her pride, and she looked down at the floor.

"Oh don't be such a baby." Cissy snatched the brush out of her hand and forced her to sit down in front of the dressing table. "I'll fix you right up." Cissy began to work her magic, for which Sasha was eternally grateful.

While the girls were busy upstairs, Lucius met Severus out on the veranda. "Ah, Severus, how is my soon to be brother-in-law?"

"Fine." Severus replied tersely. He wanted to be left alone, to listen to the tides. It had a claming effect on him, which he desperately needed at the moment.

"You look anything but fine. How about a drink?"

"I will not drink before my wedding."

"Yes, you have many rules for yourself don't you? I myself do not, and am in need of a little hair of the dog that bit me. It was a late night after you left. Join me Severus. Sasha won't fault you for one drink. She probably needs one herself right now." Lucius put an arm over his shoulder and the men walked into the great room, towards the bar that was still being set up by two house elves borrowed from local households in the village. Severus relented on the drink, and it helped to relax him. He was unaccustomed to hosting anything, much less the most important event of his life. Lucius, however, was the master, so he followed suit.

At 5:45, Sasha finally looked into the mirror and was pleased with what she saw.

There was a knock at the door but before they could answer it, Lucius entered the room. "I've never seen two more beautiful women." He kissed Sasha's forehead. "You look lovely my dear." Sasha was so anxious; she could barely manage a smile.

"But so tense. You're worse than Severus."

Sasha was overcome with the sudden irrational feeling that Severus would get cold feet and flee. He was prone to erratic behavior in matters of the heart, and it would certainly not be out of the realm of possibilities for him to do that to her. "What's wrong with him? Is he still downstairs? Have you seen him?"

"Of course he is." Lucius couldn't help but chuckle. "Are you afraid he's run off with the downstairs maid? Leave us Narcissa. It's almost time to start."

Cissy gave Sasha one last hug before leaving. "I'll see you downstairs darling."

"You'd better go too Lucius." Sasha just wanted to be alone without his hokey comments.

"Nonsense. I'm giving you away."

"What? Lucius, that's so silly. I'm too old to be given away."

"Father would be livid if I let you walk down the aisle alone. I know we haven't always seen eye to eye…"

"An understatement."

"Perhaps, but you're my sister. I hope you will allow me this honor."

Sasha embraced her brother. The war had affected him greatly. At his core, he was still the same, yet now he was more sentimental. The self-inflicted trauma seemed to have made him more willing to express his feelings to those he cared about. It was, in Sasha's opinion, an improvement. "I'm so glad you're here."

"You're a vision." He held both her hands out and took a step back to admire her. Of course he found her beautiful, she was the female version of him. "I wish father and mother were alive to see you."

She giggled. "Do you think they would like Severus?"

"War hero, Order of Merlin, Private Island, yes. He's actually a lot like father don't you agree? Very serious, razor sharp wit, strict, likes beautiful women."

"Just one woman thank you."

For the next fifteen minutes he watched her pace anxiously and tired to distract her. Despite his attempts to engage her in further conversation, her mind was a million miles away. So, he began to preen in the full-length mirror, humming to himself.

"You aren't planning on being one of those crying brides are you? I can't stand that and your eyes will be swollen in the pictures."

"I feel joyous today. No more tears."

Lucius remained in front of the mirror admiring himself. "Do you like this cravat? Narcissa thinks the color is too bright."

"Don't be so conceited!" She stepped between him and the mirror and shoved him aside. "No one will be looking at you. It's all about the bride and the groom today."

"Hey little sister what have you done?" He began to sing knowing it would annoy her.

"Shut up." She waived her hand back at him.

"Hey little sister who's your only one?" He continued to croon.

"Ugh, you always were a horrible singer."

"Hey little sister shotgun."

She slapped him as he laughed. "This is NOT a shotgun wedding thank you."

He laughed harder and grabbed her for a dance. "It's a nice day for a…" he raised an eyebrow, "White Wedding."

"What is that supposed to mean? You've been drinking haven't you?"

"Yes, so what?" He spun her around. "It's a nice day to start again."

She fell against him laughing like they were teenagers again. "That it is Lucius."

They were interrupted by a knock at the door. It was Kingsley. "It's time."

Lucius immediately straightened up and offered Sasha his arm. She took a deep breath and accepted it, grateful now that she would have him to hang on to. As they began to descend the stairs, soft guitar music played in the background. It reminded her of the night they spent in his room listing to the music from Gryffindor Tower. Severus had obviously thought of everything. He was in the village for most of the morning after owling the invitations. When he returned, he had two thick platinum wedding bands in his possession, and was followed by a small army of florists, chefs, and a wait staff that began to transform the house into what he believed to be Sasha's wedding fantasy.

As Sasha and Lucius entered the room, Severus gasped. She was simply attired in a rather plain white gown. The fabric was obviously expensive silk, gathered in pleats that accentuated the curve of her hip and her slender waist, but otherwise, the design was simple. There were minimal beads, not overdone as he had seen on some women, merely a well-cut design. Her shoulders were bare, but the neckline was modest, which pleased his conservative nature. He knew what the fabric concealed; there was no need to flaunt it. She was reserving the most tantalizing parts of herself only for him. The only things added were her lengthy veil, the charm bracelet he had given her, and his grandmothers ring that he gave her to honor their engagement. He smiled to himself thinking that a woman this lovely needed no adornment.

Lucius escorted her into the room strutting like a peacock seemingly unaware that every other guest in the room save his family hated him. Sasha glanced at him only once before taking her first step towards Severus. She met his eyes and did not look away.

When they reached Severus and Kingsley who were in front of the fireplace, Lucius lifted her veil and planted a kiss on her cheek before taking her hand, and placing it between the two strong hands of Severus. They spoke the traditional wizard wedding vows to one another, Severus being a man of tradition, felt strongly about it and Sasha agreed to whatever made him happy. The exchanged rings to the sound of the waves crashing below them. When she slipped the ring onto his finger, he felt a sense of peace come over him like he had never experienced before. He officially belonged to someone, and she belonged to him.

"You may kiss the bride." Kingsley announced at the end.

Severus pulled her gently against him and looked into her eyes, the color of the sea. "I love you Sasha Snape," he whispered before softly pressing his lips against hers. Cameras snapped all about them as the photographer and various guests captured the moment, but they were oblivious to the commotion. She wound her arms around his neck and continued to kiss him slowly, reverently. So engrossed in their first kiss, as man and wife were they that it went on for an uncomfortably long time until Kingsley cleared his throat to remind them he was there. Sasha pulled back and giggled, as did a few of the guests.

"Honored guests, may I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Severus Snape."

From that moment on, the evening was a blur. The congratulations, the pictures, the toast, the dinner, all seemed to fly by. Sasha greeted her guests graciously, giving house tours and chatting animatedly. Severus, far more introverted was exhausted by it all and merely wanted to be alone with her. He was exceedingly glad they had opted for an intimate wedding dinner rather than the massive festivities originally planned for Malfoy Manor. Though he loved dancing with her, he felt like he was under a microscope at the moment, and was beginning to feel irritable.

Four hours later, he closed the door behind Lucius and Narcissa who were the last guests to leave. He slouched against it and gazed at his lovely bride who was standing at the foot of the staircase and kicking off her shoes. "I knew I should have worn the ones with the lower heel." She complained. "But no, I just had to listen to Cissy and her fashion advice. Bloody hell these shoes hurt."

Severus watched her with a dreamy expression, enjoying the comfortable, ordinary conversations with her. He craved this soft closeness after so many years of high drama. He was home. Here with her, he finally felt like he was home. She stood in her bare feet now a good three inches shorter. "Oh darling you look tired. I know you loath parties. You must be exhausted."

"No," He took two steps toward her, "not tired. Just thinking."

"Oh? That's dangerous. About what?"

He stood toe to toe with her and with all seriousness replied, "What have you got on under that frock?" Before she knew what was happening, he'd lifted her up, thrown her over his shoulder, and was carrying her up the stairs. She roared with laughter all the way to the second floor where, predictably, he carried her into the bedroom and tossed her down on the bed.

"Are you ever going to let me walk up the stairs by myself?"

He ripped himself out of his waistcoat and climbed on top of her. All night he'd been staring at her throat and been dying to get his lips on it. Now he seized the moment, trailing kisses down her neck and chest.

"So Mr. Snape, you are a national hero, you have a rich wife, who's smoking hot I might add, and your own research lab. You can do anything you want now. What project are you going to work on first?"

"I'm going to Disneyworld." He deadpanned without removing his lips from the neckline of her dress.

"Very funny."

He raised his eyes to hers and said in all seriousness. "I love roller coaster parks. Haven't I told you?" Then he went back to his task at hand.

Unable to engage him otherwise, she reached for a pillow and bopped him on the head with it. "Seriously, what's the plan?"

He rose up on his elbows and was suddenly very serious. They had never discussed family or anything else that might happen after their wedding. He was suddenly disturbed by their lack of planning, and decided to open the discussion sooner, rather than later. "Getting you pregnant."

"Ha! What?" She laughed hard at this and he gave her a toothy smile. "Where the hell is that coming from? I thought you hated children."

"I hate spoiled prats but that's something you and I would never allow. Our children would be extremely intelligent and perfectly behaved."

She narrowed her eyes, not sure she did believe her ears. "So wait. Let me get this straight. Y_ou…_ want to have…_babies_?"

He thought about it one last time before responding. "Yes."

"As in procreation."

"Yes." He couldn't keep from snickering at her astonishment.

"Together?"

"Do you see another avenue?"

She still couldn't get over her astonishment. "You want _actual _children."

He shrugged and continued to grin at her. "Don't you?"

"Well sure, but I just kind of assumed that it was sort of a trade off for marrying you."

He shrugged again. "You thought wrong."

"Okay well, …brilliant. But I'm shocked. Where is this coming from?"

He pressed his lips gently against hers before responding. "I want to create a family to make things right for us. I want them to be loved for who and what they are, like I never was. I want them to be valued for their own unique talents and spirit like you never were. I just feel like we can do this right, and fix all the pain and wrongs in our past. We can both have a second chance."

Overwhelmed by yet another flash of brilliance from this man, she took his face in her hands and brushed her lips against his. "That was beautiful Severus."

"So we will start a family together?" He asked hopefully. His tone was quite nearly childlike.

"Yes we will." She gazed adoringly up at him, dreaming of having sons with his beautiful eyes and striking profile. "When would you like to start trying?"

"Right now."

AN: Yeah finally she has him…always. Did you like the simple wedding? Severus really isn't one for outlandish displays, and of course he obviously has other more important things on his mind. How would you like Lucius as your brother in law? Something tells me he would be drunk every Christmas and picking fights. (You know every family has "that person" in it.) If you want to see the wedding dress, check out my facebook page under Sasha Smith. Love to chat with ya

_Ahh, I can't believe this story is coming to an end, and the last movie comes out next week. How tragic! Not sure I can take it. I'll have to join a support group or something. ("Hello, my name is Sasha, and I'm a Snapoholic." "Hi Sasha!" ) Ugh, and then they're going to kill him in the boat house…bastards. Thank goodness he lives (and loves) on in fandom. _

_ Please review—I live for your feedback. Stay tuned for the Epilogue! _


	100. CH 99 THE END

EPILOUGE

Severus watched Sasha sleep as he did so many mornings. The breeze whispered softly through the window, bringing in the fragrance of the garden and lifting her soft blond tendrils slightly. He adored the way she looked at this hour of the day. Peaceful, angelic, it made him truly thankful for the blessings in his life. She stretched lazily, yawned, then opened her eyes and smiled at him blissfully. "Good morning."

"Good morning." He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Did you sleep well my dear?"

"Yes. You?"

"I always sleep well when you're next to me. It's heaven being beside you, watching you sleep, listening to the waves."

"Hmm." She sighed while she snuggled against him. "Know what I like?" She slipped her hand below the sheets and began to caress his morning stiffy. He growled and pulled her against him. If there was one thing he adored about his wife, it was that she always woke up feeling randy. He wondered what she dreamed about that put her in such a state. Rolling on top of his wife, he ground his hips against hers while their kiss became increasingly passionate.

Boom! Boom! Boom! A thunderous crash jolted them out of their romantic embrace.

"Mummy! Mummy!" Came the cries in unison with the pounding at their locked bedroom door. A shrill girlish squeal intruded on their peace. "Tell Regulus he can NOT use my trunk to pack all his rubbish in. I don't care if it is his first year. That's MY trunk. Tell him he can't use it!"

Severus collapsed on top of her and sighed in frustration. "Bloody hell."

The shrill voice of their daughter was followed by the perfect diction of their eldest son. "Father! Where did you store MY trunk that you bought for me? I have to pack and Cassi refuses help me find it! We have to leave in precisely two hours!"

"Mummy!" Came the sweet, slightly raspy voice of their youngest. "Regulus and Cassi said I can't come to King's Cross with you but you promised I could come."

"Ughhhh Merlin! Back to reality Dad!" Sasha groaned, pushing him off her. She got out of bed and he caught a brief glimpse of her naked body before she threw on a robe. Severus watched her, feeling like a lucky man to have a wife so lovely, even if he would be deprived of her for the moment. She unlocked the door and the three Snape children, bounded into the room. The youngest, seven-year-old Sirius, still in his pajamas with hair disheveled, took a running start and launched himself onto the bed. His dark curls bounced as he sailed though the air. Although Severus complained about the length and unruliness of the boy's hair, Sasha refused to let anyone cut the curls off her baby boy's precious head. He landed on his father's most sensitive area and Severus grunted. "Mmph! Be careful Sirius."

"Sorry Daddy," he chirped, giving his father a big hug. Severus hugged him back with both arms. "Good Morning. How's my big boy today?"

"Good Daddy! You aren't really going to make me stay home while you go to King's Cross are you?"

"No son, your brother has been teasing you again. You must not be led astray so easily," Severus admonished. "I told you that you could come, and you shall."

"Mother, will you please do my hair this morning?" Their eldest Daughter Cassiopeia Eileen Snape carried herself with her father's serious demeanor, but she looked exactly like her mother. In fact she was the only one of their offspring remotely resembling a Malfoy. A typical oldest child, she was the most organized, and driven to achieve in her studies. "I've been trying to put it up all morning and I can't do anything with it."

"Yes Cassi, bring the bush here." But before Sasha could begin to brush her strikingly blond hair, her little bothers interfered, as little brothers are prone to do.

Regulus sauntered up to his sister. He had all the grace and elegance of his namesake, however his voice was rich and smooth like his fathers. In a few more years it would be even deeper, and Sasha knew he would be a big hit with the ladies, much to her chagrin. He narrowed his eyes at his sister, and Sasha knew he was up to no good.

"Oh, does Teddy like your hair like that?" Regulus tugged a lock of her hair.

This brought a laugh from little Sirius. Eager to impress the older brother he idolized, he hopped off the bed and danced around the room, shaking his bum and making kissing sounds at his sister. "Oooh helloooo Teddyyyy." Regulus laughed, which only served to egg Sirius on.

"You little prats!" She reached for Sirius but he was too quick. Both boys ran off and Cassi chased them out of the room and down the hall. Their heavy footfalls made them sound like a herd of elephants.

Severus covered his face and rubbed his forehead. "Dear Merlin what time does that train pull out?"

Sasha laughed at him. "Oh stop it. You know you'll miss them when they're gone."

"Of course I will, but just having little Sirius around will be nice. He's such a natural at potions, and I'm looking forward to the one on one instruction time."

"Just like his father." Sasha smiled; in ability he was very much like his father. His demeanor was all that of his namesake however, and Severus would frequently become frustrated with the child's lack of focus. Sasha was just waiting for the day when Sirius would discover he was animagous. No signs yet, but she could just feel it in his manner.

The house was quiet after the two eldest Snape children left for Hogwarts. The next morning, Sasha made Sirius his favorite breakfast to make up for him missing his siblings. The three of them had just sat down to breakfast when an owl flew into the room dropping off a letter on Hogwarts stationary. Severus immediately reached for it but Sasha was too fast and snatched it away. "Not a chance, I don't trust you."

He narrowed his eyes at her with mock distain. "Don't be ridiculous. I can't lie about it. You'll find out which house he's in sooner or later."

She raised her chin haughtily. "I already know. I don't even have to open it. It's Gryffindor, not a doubt in my mind." She good-naturedly teased her husband.

"Are you mad woman? Gryffindor?" After all these years he still spit out the name of her house like it had a bad taste. "With a name like Regulus Orion Snape? I think not. My eldest son is bound for Slytherin tradition and greatness. He'll bleed Green by the next time he comes home." Severus sounded very much like the haughty potions master of old.

"Please," Sasha rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "I've never seen anyone so brave. And you see the way he handles himself on a broom, just like his mother, thank you very much. Gryffindor, where the brave at heart dwell."

"I see my lovely wife is still bitter about the way Cassiopeia was sorted," he condescended. "It's really time to let go of that my dear. Sour grapes are so…unbecoming."

"Unbecoming am I?" She cast him an appraising look. "Care to make a wager?"

One eyebrow and one corner of his mouth shot up in unison. Her wagers usually involved something in the bedroom, and he always took her up on her offer. "You know I would. What did you have in mind?"

Sasha looked at her youngest son who was watching the discussion with rapt attention. She leaned over and whispered her naughty sexual terms of the wager in her husband's ear. He responded with a delightfully evil grin as she told him all the delicious things she wanted to do to him if she won. He became even more aroused when she told him what she wanted him to do to her if he won.

His eyes closed slightly while burning into hers. She could still thrill him to no end and he began to breath heavier. "Deal. Hand it over." She tossed him the letter and leaned back in her chair with an air of confidence.

"Read it and weep, Snapey." She poured cream into her coffee and winked at Sirius who watched the mini-drama with wide eyes and bed head. Her wiped the milk off his mouth with his pajama sleeve and Sasha found him too cute to correct him. She ruffled his hair.

"No weeping for me." Severus reached into the drawer behind him for the reading spectacles that he now required. "He will love Slytherin as I did. And he'll be housemates with his cousin Scorpius."

"Scorpius." Sasha rolled her eyes at the name the way she always did. "What kind of parents look at a sweet little infant and say, 'yes, let's call him Scorpius."

"That's your side of the family my dear." He smirked while looking over his glasses at her.

"Thank you so much for pointing that out."

Severus opened the letter and examined it. Sasha watched him intently until his face fell.

"Ha! I knew it!" She snatched it out of his hands and began to read it, but her face soon fell as well. "RAVENCLAW? Another one? Two Ravenclaws in the family?" She put her forehead on the table with exaggerated dismay. "Dear Merlin, I shall die of shame. Lucius will never let me hear the end of it."

Severus snickered but was secretly glad to keep the peace for a few more years. "It's not that bad. Ravenclaw is a fine house. Cheer up my dear, at least it's not Hufflepuff." Severus raised his cup of tea and clicked it against her coffee cup.

"What's wrong with Hufflepuff?" Sirius piped in, newly anxious to begin learning all about Hogwarts.

"Nothing darling," Sasha patted his little hand. Your Auntie Tonks was in Hufflepuff and she was a very brave auror."

"Technically she's a cousin." Her husband interjected.

"Whatever." Sasha waved her hand dismissively, vaguely annoyed with the sorting procedure, as well as her husband. She still hated to lose.

"Don't worry Mummy, I'll be in Gryffindor." Sirius chirped before he immediately realized his mistake and added, "Or maybe Slytherin." Severus eyed him with mock disapproval until the little boy began to squirm in his chair. "Can I go play on the beach?"

"Yes darling run along." Sasha pointed to her lips and he obediently planted a kiss on his mother before scampering out of the kitchen, out the back door, and down the path to the beach.

"Well, I guess neither one of us won, we don't get to do any of my fun suggestions." Sasha sighed and took her breakfast plate to the sink.

Severus sneaked up behind her. His arms encircled her waist as he bent to kiss her neck. "I'd call it a tie, in which case the only fair thing is to do them all."

THE END

_AN: This chapter concludes Second Chances, which makes me very sad. I have enjoyed writing this story more than I could have ever imagined and also enjoyed getting to know so many of you via reviews and PMs. It's very cool to know that so many of you liked and followed the story. _

_While Severus will always be my first love I just don't think I can write another story about him (please contain your applause and sighs of relief). After a year and 100 chapters, I've said all I have to say about him. _

_Igor is another story (literally,) so I hope you will join me for Desperate Measures. _

Acknowledgements: Well JKRowling who inspires us all (I'm a wannabe). Alan Rickman…need I say more. Pedja Bjelac (beautifully inspiring). Hubby who puts up with me when I should be doing something productive instead of writing ff. Superduper big hugs to Wendy Waddles and Jamberine my fanfic besties (hugs). Thanks to all the wonderful people who were supportive when the story hit some rough spots.

_I hope everyone enjoys DH2 this weekend. (I can't go till Sunday boooooo) And we won't get too upset about our poor Severus when we know he lives on, loves on, and has mega happy endings in the wonderful world of fandom_


End file.
